The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959–1963): Season 1, Episode 13 - Couchville, USA - full transcript
All Dobie wants is six dollars so he can take Thalia to the junior prom, but Dobie's Dad won't give it to him until Dobie admits he hates his father. A gentle satire on psychiatric trends of the day.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
I'VE GOT A GIRL NAMED
THALIA MENNINGER
AND A FATHER NAMED
HERBERT GILLIS,
A MONEY-MAD GIRL AND
A MONEY-MAD FATHER.
SHE GETS MAD WHEN
I DON'T HAVE ANY
AND HE GETS MAD
WHEN I ASK FOR ANY.
THE ONLY SOLUTION
IS TO GO TO WORK,
BUT THAT'S NO SOLUTION.
NOW I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
AGAINST WORK, MIND YOU.
I JUST FIGURE WHY
DEPRIVE SOMEBODY
WHO REALLY LOVES IT?
SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER,
I'VE GOT TO GET SOME MONEY
BECAUSE NEXT WEEK
IS THE JUNIOR PROM,
WHICH IS ONLY THE
MOST IMPORTANT EVENT
OF OUR HIGH SCHOOL
CAREER IS ALL.
BUT HOW CAN I GET
THALIA TO GO WITH ME?
MAYBE IF I KIND OF
TOOK HER BY SURPRISE,
SWEPT HER OFF HER FEET.
YOU KNOW.
THALIA, I JUST HAD A
GREAT IDEA. GUESS WHAT?
- NO!
- YOU WON'T GUESS?
- NO, I WON'T GO TO THE
JUNIOR PROM WITH YOU.
- VERY WELL, THALIA.
IF THE ANSWER IS
NO, JUST SAY SO.
- I JUST DID.
- I MEAN, ALL YOU
HAVE TO DO IS SAY NO
AND I'LL DROP THE SUBJECT.
JUST A PLAIN, SIMPLE,
HONEST, STRAIGHTFORWARD NO
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL,
AND I WON'T SAY
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.
- NO!
- JUST SAY IT, THALIA.
JUST COME RIGHT OUT WITH IT.
YOU CAN BE FRANK
WITH ME. I LOVE YOU.
- WELL, DON'T BRING ME POSIES
WHEN IT'S SHOESIES THAT I NEED.
- THALIA, HUH? WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
- LOVE DOESN'T
BUTTER ANY PARSNIPS.
- OH. WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
- IT MEANS THAT IT'S VERY
NICE THAT YOU LOVE ME
AND I'M VERY APPRECIATIVE,
BUT DO YOU HAVE THE MONEY
TO TAKE ME TO THE JUNIOR PROM?
- WELL, YEAH!
SURE, OF COURSE, PRACTICALLY.
- I KNOW YOU, DOBIE.
I WANT FACTS, NO
SHILLY-SHALLYING.
- THALIA, MY HEART, MY LOVE,
I'M SURE I CAN GET THE MONEY.
- OH, SURE. YOU
WERE SURE LAST YEAR
WHEN WE WENT TO
THE SOPHOMORE PROM
AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET THERE.
- WE DID TOO GET THERE!
- NOT INSIDE!
NOW LOOK, I AM NOT DANCING
ON THE SIDEWALKS THIS YEAR.
I'M GOING INSIDE,
WHICH MEANS TICKETS
WHICH MEANS MONEY,
AND WHERE IS IT ALL COMING FROM?
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
GO OUTSIDE AND EARN IT?
- OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T LIKE IT!
I'D HATE IT!
WHAT'D YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- YOU WOULD LIKE
IT! YOU'D LIKE IT FINE!
- I WOULDN'T, I
WOULDN'T! I WOULDN'T!
- YES!
- IT'S JUST THAT, WELL,
MAYBE I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO
RISE ABOVE MY NATURAL FEELINGS.
- OH, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY,
DEFINITELY PSYCHOTIC!
- YEAH? YOU'RE
PSYCHOTIC ABOUT MONEY!
- OH, I AM NOT.
I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT I
DON'T CARE ABOUT MONEY.
IT'S MY FAMILY, MY FATHER'S...
- HE'S 60 YEARS OLD AND
HAS A KIDNEY CONDITION.
- KIDNEY CONDITION. MY MOTHER...
- ISN'T GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
- NO, SHE ISN'T. MY
SISTER IS MARRIED...
- MARRIED A LOAFER
WHO LIVES AT HOME
AND EATS HIS OWN
WEIGHT EVERY DAY.
- AND MY BROTHER...
- AND HE'S BECOMING
A PUBLIC CHARGE! I KNOW! I KNOW!
TELL ME THIS.
HAVE YOU ALREADY GOT A
DATE FOR THE JUNIOR PROM?
- WELL, NO.
- GETTING KIND
OF LATE, ISN'T IT?
- IS IT?
- WHERE ARE YOU GONNA
GET A DATE THIS LATE?
[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- WOULD ONE OF
YOU CARE TO TAKE ME
TO THE JUNIOR PROM?
- WOW, YEAH! OKAY!
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I WAS HERE FIRST.
YOU MEANT ME, HUH, THALIA, HUH?
- I'LL BREAK MY
DATE TO TAKE YOU.
THAT'S MORE THAN
THESE GUYS ARE OFFERING.
- I'LL HITCHHIKE TO MACON FALLS
AND BORROW MY
UNCLE'S CONVERTIBLE!
- I'LL SAW THE TOP
OFF MY DAD'S SEDAN!
- LET ME, THALIA. ME, HUH?
- WELL, I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
BYE.
- ALL RIGHT, THALIA, OKAY.
YOU PROVED YOUR POINT.
YOU CAN GO TO THE PROM
WITH ANY FELLA YOU WANT.
SO WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME?
I'LL TELL YOU WHY,
THALIA MENNINGER.
BECAUSE DEEP
DOWN IN THAT GREEDY,
GRUBBY LITTLE HEART OF YOURS,
YOU'VE GOT A SOFT SPOT FOR ME!
- OH, I GUESS SO, BUT
I'M TRYING TO KICK IT.
- YEAH, YOU'RE MAKING IT TOO.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
A TWO-DAY OPTION I'LL GIVE YOU.
- A TWO-DAY WHATTION?
- I'LL GIVE YOU TWO
DAYS TO GET THE MONEY.
IF YOU DON'T SHOW IT TO
ME IN THAT TIME IN CASH,
NO BOX TOPS, NO
BOTTLES FOR REFUNDS,
BUT COLD, HARD CASH,
I'LL GIVE YOU THE DATE.
- OH, BOY, THALIA, THANK YOU.
HOW MUCH COLD, HARD CASH?
- WELL, IT'S $3 FOR THE TICKETS.
- YEAH.
- $3 FOR EXTRAS.
- $3 FOR EXTRAS?
- WELL, I HAVE TO
HAVE A CORSAGE.
- OH, OF COURSE, MY LAMB.
- DELIVERED.
- DELIVERED?
OH, I'D RATHER PLACE IT IN
YOUR LOVELY HANDS MYSELF,
MY LOVE.
- OH, NO, DELIVERED.
- NOW WHY IS THAT SO IMPORTANT?
- BECAUSE I KNOW YOU
AND OTHERWISE YOU'LL
GO TO THE FLORIST
AT CLOSING TIME
AND CRY THEM OUT OF SOME
WITHERED OLD LEFTOVER!
- I WOULDN'T!
- TWO YEARS AGO,
YOU TORE THE TOPS
OFF SOME CARROTS
AND YOU TRIED TO
GIVE THEM TO ME!
- OKAY, OKAY, YOUR
CORSAGE DELIVERED.
- TWO DAYS, $6 COLD, HARD CASH.
- I DON'T KNOW COLD THEY'LL BE,
BUT THEY'RE SURE GONNA BE HARD.
- A FINE SUCCESS I AM.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE
IN THE STORE WORKING.
YOU SHOULD BE HOME WORKING.
OH, ANYWAY, DOBIE
SHOULD BE DOING THIS.
- NOW, DEAR, HE'LL BE
HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.
HE'S PROBABLY GETTING A BOOK
AT THE LIBRARY.
- LIBRARY?
THE ONLY BOOK HE WANTS
TO GET HIS HANDS ON
IS MY BANKBOOK.
- DOBIE'S NOT LAZY.
WHY, I BET HE'S NO DIFFERENT
THAN YOU WERE AT HIS AGE,
HANDSOME, FULL OF DREAMS,
AND TODAY YOU'RE A
SUCCESS IN MY EYES.
- WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
- YOU'RE LOW ON FROZEN SOUPS.
- HEY, THAT REMINDS
ME OF AN ITEM
I THINK WOULD SELL REAL GOOD.
OF COURSE, DOBIE WILL
HAVE TO HELP ME, SEE?
NOW HE JUST LAYS DOWN
HERE IN THE FREEZER.
THERE'S A GREAT
DEMAND FOR FROZEN BUM.
- HERBERT GILLIS,
IF YOU DON'T STOP
TALKING THAT WAY
ABOUT YOUR OWN SON...
- I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
DOBIE'S ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.
IT'S JUST THAT I... DON'T
CRY, PLEASE, WINNIE?
- WELL, MAYBE IF
YOU'D BE NICER TO HIM
AND NOT SNAP AND BARK
AND GROWL AND SNARL.
- I SOUND LIKE A ZOO.
- TEENAGERS NEED LOVE
AND UNDERSTANDING.
- WHAT ABOUT TEENAGERS' FATHERS?
- THAT LECTURE THAT I WENT TO,
YOU COULDN'T GO THAT NIGHT.
YOUR FEET HURT.
WELL, IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE
FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIP.
YOU SEE, A CHILD IS AMBIVALENT.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? LAZY?
- HERBERT!
IT MEANS, WELL, I
DON'T KNOW EXACTLY,
BUT THE MAN SAID THAT
IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT
AND IT'S UP TO THE
FATHER TO OVERCOME IT.
PLEASE, HERBERT?
- YOU'RE RIGHT, WINNIE.
I HAVE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THE STORE TOO MUCH.
I'VE BEEN KIND OF BLIND. I GUESS
I'VE HAD LEFTOVER
VEGETABLES IN MY EYES.
HONEST, I'LL TRY.
- OH, THANK YOU, DEAR.
- YOU FEEL A LITTLE NUMB?
IT'S THIS FREEZER
AND IT GOT THIN PANTS ON, TOO.
[ LAUGHTER]
HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY
I GET JACK LARSON TO COME
IN AND TAKE OVER THE STORE
FOR A WEEK
AND YOU AND I GO AWAY
ON A SECOND HONEYMOON?
HOW'S ABOUT IT, CUTICLE?
- DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.
- LIKE WHAT? LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE A BEAUTIFUL TIGER.
- GRRR!
- OH, HERBERT!
- YOU'RE MINE!
- NO, DON'T YOU DARE!
- I GOT HIM, LADY! I GOT
HIM! CALL THE MANAGER!
- LET GO OF ME! I'M THE MANAGER!
- OH, GEE.
YOU MUST BE NUTS MAKING
PASSES AT THE CUSTOMER.
- HE'S MY HUSBAND.
- OH! I'M SORRY! GO RIGHT AHEAD!
- HEY, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
- UNIVERSAL IMPORTS.
I'M NEW ON THE ROUTE,
SO I AIN'T UP ON ALL THE
FACES IN THE SANITARIUM.
- FUNNY.
OH, POLISH IMPORTED
HAMS. IT'S ABOUT TIME.
THEY WERE DUE A MONTH AGO.
- THEY'RE SCARCE. A LOT
OF THE PIGS AIN'T TRYING.
THANKS, CASANOVA.
HIS OWN WIFE. WHAT'LL
THEY THINK OF NEXT?
- HELLO, DEAR.
- SORRY I'M LATE,
MOM. IS DAD SORE?
- OH, OF COURSE NOT.
HE REALIZES IT MUST HAVE
BEEN IMPORTANT BUSINESS.
WHAT'S HER NAME?
- THALIA. AW, SHE'S
THE END, MOM.
- FINE. YOUR
FATHER'S IN THE BACK.
- MOM? HOW CAN I GET $6 FAST?
- FAST?
- THE JUNIOR PROM.
IF I COULD TAKE THALIA,
I'D BE SET WITH HER FOR LIFE.
- $6? MAYBE YOUR FATHER...
- OH, NO, HE'D KILL
ME IF I ASKED HIM.
I JUST ASKED THALIA.
- FOR $6?
- OH, NO, TO GO WITH
ME TO THE PROM.
SHE SAID IT'D BE UNFAIR
FOR HER TO SAY YES
UNTIL I COULD SHOW
HER I HAD THE MONEY.
- WHY DOES SHE HAVE
TO SEE THE MONEY?
- OH, BECAUSE IF
SHE SAYS YES TO ME
AND I WASH OUT, SHE'S STRANDED.
- OH, SHE SOUNDS VERY PRACTICAL.
- SHE IS! SHE IS!
SHE EVEN MADE SUGGESTIONS
HOW I COULD EARN SOME MONEY,
BABY-SIT FOR HER AUNT,
WASH HER UNCLE'S CAR,
AND SHE'S GIVING
ME A WEEK'S OPTION
BEFORE SHE DEFINITELY DECIDES
TO GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
BOY, IS SHE FULL OF
FAITH. I NEVER OWNED $6.
- MAYBE YOUR
FATHER WILL HELP YOU.
- SURELY YOU JEST.
- WAIT HERE.
DEAR, DOBIE'S HERE.
- I'LL GO LOCK THE
CASH REGISTER.
- HERBERT, REMEMBER
YOUR PROMISE,
LOVE, UNDERSTANDING,
COMPANIONSHIP, PLEASE?
- OKAY, WINNIE, I'LL DO MY BEST.
HOW ARE YOU, SON?
- WELL, I'M OKAY.
- NO.
I MEAN, HOW ARE YOU?
YOU GOT ANY PROBLEMS?
ANYTHING I CAN DO?
- WELL, I DO HAVE
ONE PROBLEM, MONEY.
- MONEY? MONEY'S NO
PROBLEM WHERE THERE'S LOVE.
HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED?
A DOLLAR, A DOLLAR
AND A QUARTER?
- NO, SIR, SIX.
- SIX?
I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO
SPOIL YOU ROTTEN, SON.
WOULD YOU WORK FOR IT?
- OH, SURE, DAD.
BUT I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT
MAKING MY FATHER PAY.
- WHY NOT?
IF I HIRE A STRANGE
BOY, I HAVE TO PAY HIM.
YOU'RE HIRED.. 75 CENTS AN HOUR.
- STRANGE BOY GETS $1 AN HOUR.
- LIKE I SAID, HE'S
A STRANGE BOY.
JUST A JOKE. [ LAUGHS]
- 75 IS FINE.
- A DOLLAR AND THAT'S FINAL!
- OH, GEE, THANKS, DAD, REALLY.
NOW I WON'T HAVE TO BABY-SIT.
IF THERE'S ONE THING I
HATE IT'S TO BURP BABIES.
GOSH, IN SIX HOURS,
THALIA'S ALL MINE.
- I'M PROUD OF MY TWO BOYS.
- OH, YOU KNOW ME, WINNIE.
I GROWL A LOT, BUT YOU
KNOW THAT OLD SAYING.
- AN EMPTY KETTLE
MAKES THE MOST NOISE?
- NO, IT'S SOMETHING
ABOUT A BARK AND A BITE.
OKAY, SON.
I GOT THE SHELF
CLEARED FOR THOSE HAMS.
I GOT A GOOD BUY ON THEM
AND THERE'S A BIG
DEMAND ON THEM.
THERE'S 2 BUCKS
PROFIT IN EVERY ONE.
- OH, NOT BAD.
GOT THE STAMPER SET?
- YEAH.
THEY SELL FOR $3.99.
HERE, STAMP EVERY ONE OF THEM
AND THEN PUT THEM ON THE SHELF.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS]
- ANSWER THAT, DOBIE.
- OH, RIGHT, CHIEF.
GILLIS'S MARKET.
- HELLO, DOBIE? THIS IS THALIA.
- OH, HELLO, MON AMOUR.
- I'VE BEEN SUFFERING EVER
SINCE THE ICE CREAM PARLOR.
- SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SODA?
- NO. I MISTREATED
YOU. I WAS CRUEL.
- YES, YOU WERE, BUT
IT'S AN EXQUISITE PAIN.
- ABOUT THE PROM.
- YEAH?
- NOW I AM PREPARED TO
MAKE A DEFINITE COMMITMENT.
I PREFER NOT TO DANGLE
YOU. YOU MAY TAKE ME.
- AW, THALIA, THAT'S GREAT,
AND I'LL NEVER DANGLE YOU.
AND DON'T WORRY, I'M
ALL SET ON THE LOOT.
AND, THALIA, I LOVE YOU.
- THAT'S NICE, DOBIE.
- CAN I SEE YOU TOMORROW?
- OH, GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS GOING OUT TO MY
GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE TOMORROW.
- WELL, I'LL PICK YOU
UP THERE. WHERE IS IT?
- PICK ME UP IN WHAT?
- MY FATHER'S TRUCK.
IT'S NOT BAD IF YOU JUST
LIKE TRANSPORTATION.
- OKAY.
- WHAT'S THE ADDRESS?
- IT'S OUT THE FREEWAY
TO GREBELVILLE,
110 WINNIPESAUKEE
AVENUE. GOT IT?
- I BETTER WRITE
IT DOWN, DEAREST.
HOLD ON.
WHAT WAS IT AGAIN.
- 110... JEEPERS, WHAT
ARE YOU THINKING OF?
- I DARE NOT SAY. THIS
PHONE MAY BE TAPPED.
[ LAUGHS]
110, UH-HUH.
- 110, RIGHT?
- CHECK. NOW PICK
ME UP TOMORROW,
SAY, 4:30-ISH.
- UNTIL THEN, THALIA.
- GOODBYE.
- ARRIVEDERCI, MY BUBLITSKI.
- YEAH.
- WHAT DID WE EVER DO
TO DESERVE SUCH A SON?
- WE GOT MARRIED.
- ARE THOSE IMPORTED HAMS?
- YES, THALIA.
- WHY, THEY'RE CHEAP!
- AFTER YOU DELIVER THAT,
SON, WHY DON'T YOU LIE DOWN?
I WON'T DOCK YOU FOR
TAKING A LITTLE BREAK.
- AW, GEE. EXCUSE ME.
- HOW DO, DR. GICKER?
- AH, DR. GICKER,
HOW'S THE
PSYCHOANALYSIS BUSINESS?
- TRAUMATIC.
- WHAT?
OH, HOW ARE YOU, MRS. MORRIS?
- OH, FINE, MR. GILLIS.
BUSY AS A BEE.
- YEAH, RAISING
A BIG FAMILY. 35...
- AND BEING MARRIED
TO A DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
SO MUCH ENTERTAINMENT.
- HE'S A VERY GOOD ONE, TOO.
- THE NEWSPAPERS ARE CALLING
HIM "HARD AS NAILS" MORRIS.
- THAT'S WHAT WE NEED.
1.10, 1.10, 1.10, OH! OH!
- HE'S STARTING A CAMPAIGN
TO PROTECT THE HOUSEWIFE...
- MRS. MORRIS?
- AGAINST DISHONEST MERCHANTS.
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE ONE OF THESE? TRY IT?
- OH, I KNOW THE BRAND,
MR. GILLIS. IT'S DELICIOUS.
BUT 1.10?
WHY, IT'S USUALLY OVER $3.
- 3.99.
- HOW DO YOU DO IT?
- VOLUME.
- WELL, YOU DELIVER ALL
THIS, IF YOU WILL, PLEASE,
AND PUT IT ON MY BILL.
- COME AGAIN.
- OH, BY THE WAY, MR. GILLIS.
THAT NICE-LOOKING
YOUNG BOY BACK THERE
CALLED ME THALIA.
IS THAT YOUR SON?
- HE USED TO BE.
WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE?
- SHH!
DR. GICKER'S BACK THERE!
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
- NOW, HERBERT.
- 3.99, I SAID.
3.99 AND I HAD TO
SELL THEM FOR $1.10!
HE'S JUST STAMPED
ME INTO BANKRUPTCY!
WAIT'LL I GET MY HANDS ON HIM!
- DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!
HE'S MY SON, TOO.
- I'LL ONLY KILL MY HALF.
- YOU LISTEN.
- ALL RIGHT, SO HE
MADE A LITTLE MISTAKE.
ALL THESE YEARS, YOU'VE
BEEN PICKING ON HIM.
NOW SUDDENLY TODAY,
YOU'RE NICE. HE'S CONFUSED.
- AND THAT D.A., HE
OUGHT TO BE ARRESTED!
- YELLING AT DOBIE
ISN'T GOING TO HELP.
REMEMBER, HE'S AMBIVALENT.
- HE'S AN AMBIVALENT BUM!
- HERBERT, THIS IS SERIOUS!
THE HAPPINESS, THE FUTURE
OF YOUR SON IS AT STAKE!
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO
GET SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE?
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE DR. GICKER.
AFTER ALL, HE'S A PSYCHIATRIST
AND HE UNDERSTANDS
THE PROBLEMS OF CHILDREN.
- YOU MEAN, YOU
THINK THAT... NAW.
- IT'S WORTH A TRY.
THE HAPPINESS OF
THIS WHOLE FAMILY
DEPENDS UPON YOUR
UNDERSTANDING YOUR OWN CHILD.
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
GO TO HIS OFFICE.
- HIS OFFICE? THOSE
GUYS CHARGE A FORTUNE.
WHY GO TO HIS OFFICE WHEN
I CAN GET IT HERE FOR FREE?
ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO HELP, DOCTOR?
- NO, THANKS. I'M
DOING FINE, THANK YOU.
- NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?
- THE WEATHER'S ADJUSTED TO IT.
- HERE, LET ME CHECK
THESE THINGS OUT.
I GUESS IT'S KIND OF INTERESTING
WORK YOU DO, HUH, DOCTOR?
- WELL, I ENJOY IT.
- SAY, I HEARD OF
A CASE RECENTLY,
A LULU. NOW I DON'T KNOW
THE PEOPLE PERSONALLY,
YOU UNDERSTAND,
BUT A 17-YEAR-OLD BOY,
HE'S DRIVING HIS FATHER NUTS.
- DISTURBING THE
FATHER IN WHAT WAY?
- EVERY WAY. WHAT'S THE CURE?
- IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL WITHOUT
A GREAT MANY MORE FACTS.
MANY POSSIBILITIES.
THE PSYCHE IS A MYSTERIOUS,
UNCHARTED WILDERNESS
FULL OF DRIVES,
FEARS, FRUSTRATIONS.
- PERSONALLY, I THINK
THE KID HATES HIS FATHER.
ELSE WHY WOULD HE
TRY TO DESTROY HIM?
- OH, HE MAY THINK
HE HATES HIS FATHER.
RESENTMENT OF HIS FATHER'S
MORE IMPORTANT PLACE
IN THE ADULT WORLD,
JEALOUSY OF THE
FATHER-MOTHER RELATIONSHIP,
NOT UNUSUAL.
- SO WHAT'S THE CURE?
- WELL, WHO KNOWS?
OCCASIONALLY, IF A
CHILD VOICES HATRED,
ACTUALLY ADMITS
IT WITHOUT SHAME,
IT OFTEN HELPS, REMOVES
GUILT FROM THE BOY.
- DO YOU MEAN TO
SAY IF I GET DOBIE TO...
I MEAN, THAT IS,
IF THIS FATHER GETS THIS KID
TO ADMIT THAT HE HATES HIM,
THAT'LL SOLVE EVERYTHING?
- QUITE POSSIBLY.
AT LEAST IT'S WORTH A TRY.
- BUT HOW YOU GONNA GET A KID
TO ADMIT HE HATES HIS FATHER?
ESPECIALLY WHEN
THE KID'S A COWARD?
- THAT IS THE GOAL
OF PSYCHOTHERAPY,
KEEPING THE BOY ON THE
COUCH UNTIL HE ADMITS IT.
- THANKS, DOC.
- THAT'LL BE $20.75, DOCTOR.
- HERE'S THE 75 CENTS.
THAT MAKES US EVEN.
- HUH?
- MY FEE FOR PROFESSIONAL
CONSULTATION
IS $20.
- PROFESSIONAL CONSULT...
WE WERE JUST GABBING!
- THAT'S MY BUSINESS, GABBING.
YOU SELL GROCERIES, I
SELL 30 YEARS OF RESEARCH.
GOODBYE.
- YOU AND YOUR IDEAS.
- EVENING, HITCH.
PRETTY QUIET OUT THERE.
- YEAH, TOO QUIET.
- GET THE WOMEN AND
CHILDREN BEHIND THOSE WAGONS!
- HIYA, PAL!
- OH, HI, DAD.
- SON, THERE'S SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO TAKE UP WITH YOU.
- SURE.
- WELL, YOU SEE, IT'S LIKE THIS.
LAY DOWN ON THE COUCH.
- HUH?
- LAY DOWN THERE.
- WELL, I'M NOT TIRED, DAD.
- WELL, I AM! SO HUMOR ME, HUH?
NOW GET OVER AND LAY DOWN
ON THE COUCH LIKE I TOLD YOU!
I'M SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE.
SON, DO YOU TRUST ME?
- OH, SURE, DAD.
- AM I YOUR FRIEND?
- AND HOW.
- WELL, IF I'M YOUR FRIEND,
YOU WANT TO MAKE
ME HAPPY, RIGHT?
- BELIEVE ME, DAD, I'D DO
ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?
- TELL ME YOU HATE ME.
- HUH?
- JUST SAY THAT YOU HATE ME.
- BUT I DON'T HATE
YOU. I LOVE YOU.
- NO, YOU DON'T! YOU HATE ME!
NOW SAY IT!
- IT'S NOT TRUE! I LOVE YOU!
- LOOK, SON, I'M JUST
TRYING TO HELP YOU.
NOW YOU KNOW YOU
HATE ME. ADMIT IT!
- BUT I DON'T! I
DON'T, DAD! DAD?
- TELL YOU WHAT!
YOU SAY THAT YOU HATE ME
AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE
$6 TO TAKE THAT GIRL
TO THE PROM!
- YOU WILL?
- HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE.
CASH ON THE BARRELHEAD.
NOW DO YOU HATE ME?
- NO, I CAN'T DO IT, DAD.
- OH, WHAT KIND OF A
KID ARE YOU ANYWAY?
CAN'T YOU DO ONE LITTLE
THING FOR YOUR OWN FATHER?
- WELL, I CAN'T HELP
IT, DAD. I LOVE YOU.
- INGRATE!
- LET ME UP, WILL YOU?
- NO!
NOW YOU JUST THINK YOU LOVE
ME BECAUSE I'M A GREAT GUY,
BUT YOU'RE CONFUSED.
NOW YOU SAY THAT YOU HATE
ME OR WE'RE THROUGH, FINISHED.
- OKAY, DAD, I HATE YOU.
- HONEST? YOU SWEAR?
- I HATE YOU, I SWEAR.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
- NOW CAN I GO?
- OH, SURE, SON.
AND THANKS, SON.
HE HATES ME. HE HATES ME.
HE HATES ME? HE HATES ME!
- OH, HI, DAD, GOOD
OLD DAD. DAD?
- NEVER MIND THE
GOOD OLD DAD STUFF.
LET'S KEEP IT HONEST.
YOU HATE ME. WHAT'S
THE USE OF KIDDING?
- DAD, I KEEP TELLING YOU...
- FORGET IT! IT'S CLEAN,
IT'S HONEST, IT'S OPEN.
YOU HATE ME, THAT'S ALL.
- HERE'S A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR YOU, DAD.
- WHAT? A BOMB?
- OPEN IT.
- WHAT'S THIS FOR?
IT'S NOT FATHER'S DAY.
IT AIN'T MY BIRTHDAY.
- I JUST HAPPENED
TO SEE IT DOWNTOWN
AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD
LOOK NICE WITH YOUR BLUE SUIT.
- ALL RIGHT, THE TRUTH.
WHAT DID YOU DO? WRECK THE CAR?
FLUNK OUT OF SCHOOL? WHAT?
- NOTHING, DAD.
I JUST FELT LIKE
BUYING YOU A TIE.
- WHERE'D YOU GET THE MONEY?
OUT OF THE CASH REGISTER, HUH?
HOW MUCH DID
YOU TAKE? 10, 20, 50?
OUT WITH IT!
- OH, WHAT'S THE USE.
- OH, I'M WISE TO
YOUR TRICKS, MISTER.
YOU GOTTA GET UP PRETTY
EARLY IN THE MORNING
TO PUT ONE OVER
ON HERBERT T. GILLIS!
- MR. GILLIS?
- OH, HELLO, THALIA.
- WHY DON'T YOU LOOK
AT THE BIG PICTURE?
- WHAT BIG PICTURE?
- I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU DIDN'T GIVE
DOBIE $6 TO TAKE ME
TO THE JUNIOR PROM.
- BUT I DID GIVE HIM $6
- NO, YOU DIDN'T OR ELSE WHY
WOULD HE BREAK HIS DATE WITH ME?
WHY, HE LOVES ME
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF,
AS INDEED HE SHOULD.
LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE.
- THE BIG PICTURE.
- WHAT'S THE FUTURE
OF A BOY LIKE DOBIE,
ON HIS OWN, I MEAN?
- BLACK.
- EXACTLY.
BUT IF HE HAD A GIRL LIKE
ME WITH EXPENSIVE TASTE,
WHY THEN HE'D HAVE
TO MAKE A SUCCESS,
WOULDN'T HE?
- WELL...
- YOU SHOW ME A FINANCIAL
TYCOON AND I'LL SHOW YOU
RIGHT BEHIND HIM A GIRL
LIKE THALIA MENNINGER.
GIRLS LIKE ME, WE ARE THE
MOVERS AND THE SHAKERS.
WHY, WE TAKE MEN AND
WE OPEN UP THEIR VISTAS.
WE BROADEN THEIR HORIZONS.
- NOW, MISS...
- WE JUST DO EVERYTHING!
WE MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!
DOBIE IS THE CLAY
AND I AM THE SCULPTOR.
- I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND YOU.
IN FACT, I KNOW I DON'T.
- I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOO.
SIX MEASLY DOLLARS
STANDING BETWEEN YOUR SON
AND THIS FACE AND THESE HANDS!
OH!
OH, PENNY-WISE
AND POUND-FOOLISH!
OH, MISGUIDED MAN!
- BUT I TELL YOU, I
DID GIVE HIM THE $6!
I'M GONNA KILL THAT KID.
I'LL STRANGLE HIM
WITH HIS OWN NECKTIE.
WINNIE! WINNIE! HE
LOVES ME! DOBIE LOVES ME!
- BYE, MOM, DAD,
I'M OFF TO THE PROM.
- GOODBYE.
THALIA, OH, YOU
LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, THANK YOU. YOU
LOOK VERY NICE, TOO.
I LOVE THAT TIE.
- IT'S MY FATHER'S.
HE LET ME WEAR IT.
- IT'S VERY NICE.
- HERE'S YOUR CORSAGE.
- OH, I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE.
- FROM WHO?
- YOUR FATHER SENT IT TO ME.
- OH. YOU KNOW,
HE'S NOT SUCH A BAD
GUY FOR A FATHER, I MEAN.
COME, MADAME, YOUR
CARRIAGE AWAITS.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ DOBIE! ♪
I'VE GOT A GIRL NAMED
THALIA MENNINGER
AND A FATHER NAMED
HERBERT GILLIS,
A MONEY-MAD GIRL AND
A MONEY-MAD FATHER.
SHE GETS MAD WHEN
I DON'T HAVE ANY
AND HE GETS MAD
WHEN I ASK FOR ANY.
THE ONLY SOLUTION
IS TO GO TO WORK,
BUT THAT'S NO SOLUTION.
NOW I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
AGAINST WORK, MIND YOU.
I JUST FIGURE WHY
DEPRIVE SOMEBODY
WHO REALLY LOVES IT?
SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER,
I'VE GOT TO GET SOME MONEY
BECAUSE NEXT WEEK
IS THE JUNIOR PROM,
WHICH IS ONLY THE
MOST IMPORTANT EVENT
OF OUR HIGH SCHOOL
CAREER IS ALL.
BUT HOW CAN I GET
THALIA TO GO WITH ME?
MAYBE IF I KIND OF
TOOK HER BY SURPRISE,
SWEPT HER OFF HER FEET.
YOU KNOW.
THALIA, I JUST HAD A
GREAT IDEA. GUESS WHAT?
- NO!
- YOU WON'T GUESS?
- NO, I WON'T GO TO THE
JUNIOR PROM WITH YOU.
- VERY WELL, THALIA.
IF THE ANSWER IS
NO, JUST SAY SO.
- I JUST DID.
- I MEAN, ALL YOU
HAVE TO DO IS SAY NO
AND I'LL DROP THE SUBJECT.
JUST A PLAIN, SIMPLE,
HONEST, STRAIGHTFORWARD NO
IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL,
AND I WON'T SAY
ANOTHER WORD ABOUT IT.
- NO!
- JUST SAY IT, THALIA.
JUST COME RIGHT OUT WITH IT.
YOU CAN BE FRANK
WITH ME. I LOVE YOU.
- WELL, DON'T BRING ME POSIES
WHEN IT'S SHOESIES THAT I NEED.
- THALIA, HUH? WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
- LOVE DOESN'T
BUTTER ANY PARSNIPS.
- OH. WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
- IT MEANS THAT IT'S VERY
NICE THAT YOU LOVE ME
AND I'M VERY APPRECIATIVE,
BUT DO YOU HAVE THE MONEY
TO TAKE ME TO THE JUNIOR PROM?
- WELL, YEAH!
SURE, OF COURSE, PRACTICALLY.
- I KNOW YOU, DOBIE.
I WANT FACTS, NO
SHILLY-SHALLYING.
- THALIA, MY HEART, MY LOVE,
I'M SURE I CAN GET THE MONEY.
- OH, SURE. YOU
WERE SURE LAST YEAR
WHEN WE WENT TO
THE SOPHOMORE PROM
AND WE DIDN'T EVEN GET THERE.
- WE DID TOO GET THERE!
- NOT INSIDE!
NOW LOOK, I AM NOT DANCING
ON THE SIDEWALKS THIS YEAR.
I'M GOING INSIDE,
WHICH MEANS TICKETS
WHICH MEANS MONEY,
AND WHERE IS IT ALL COMING FROM?
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO
GO OUTSIDE AND EARN IT?
- OF COURSE, I WOULDN'T LIKE IT!
I'D HATE IT!
WHAT'D YOU HAVE IN MIND?
- YOU WOULD LIKE
IT! YOU'D LIKE IT FINE!
- I WOULDN'T, I
WOULDN'T! I WOULDN'T!
- YES!
- IT'S JUST THAT, WELL,
MAYBE I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO
RISE ABOVE MY NATURAL FEELINGS.
- OH, YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY,
DEFINITELY PSYCHOTIC!
- YEAH? YOU'RE
PSYCHOTIC ABOUT MONEY!
- OH, I AM NOT.
I KEEP TELLING YOU THAT I
DON'T CARE ABOUT MONEY.
IT'S MY FAMILY, MY FATHER'S...
- HE'S 60 YEARS OLD AND
HAS A KIDNEY CONDITION.
- KIDNEY CONDITION. MY MOTHER...
- ISN'T GETTING ANY YOUNGER.
- NO, SHE ISN'T. MY
SISTER IS MARRIED...
- MARRIED A LOAFER
WHO LIVES AT HOME
AND EATS HIS OWN
WEIGHT EVERY DAY.
- AND MY BROTHER...
- AND HE'S BECOMING
A PUBLIC CHARGE! I KNOW! I KNOW!
TELL ME THIS.
HAVE YOU ALREADY GOT A
DATE FOR THE JUNIOR PROM?
- WELL, NO.
- GETTING KIND
OF LATE, ISN'T IT?
- IS IT?
- WHERE ARE YOU GONNA
GET A DATE THIS LATE?
[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
- WOULD ONE OF
YOU CARE TO TAKE ME
TO THE JUNIOR PROM?
- WOW, YEAH! OKAY!
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I WAS HERE FIRST.
YOU MEANT ME, HUH, THALIA, HUH?
- I'LL BREAK MY
DATE TO TAKE YOU.
THAT'S MORE THAN
THESE GUYS ARE OFFERING.
- I'LL HITCHHIKE TO MACON FALLS
AND BORROW MY
UNCLE'S CONVERTIBLE!
- I'LL SAW THE TOP
OFF MY DAD'S SEDAN!
- LET ME, THALIA. ME, HUH?
- WELL, I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
BYE.
- ALL RIGHT, THALIA, OKAY.
YOU PROVED YOUR POINT.
YOU CAN GO TO THE PROM
WITH ANY FELLA YOU WANT.
SO WHY ARE YOU PICKING ON ME?
I'LL TELL YOU WHY,
THALIA MENNINGER.
BECAUSE DEEP
DOWN IN THAT GREEDY,
GRUBBY LITTLE HEART OF YOURS,
YOU'VE GOT A SOFT SPOT FOR ME!
- OH, I GUESS SO, BUT
I'M TRYING TO KICK IT.
- YEAH, YOU'RE MAKING IT TOO.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
A TWO-DAY OPTION I'LL GIVE YOU.
- A TWO-DAY WHATTION?
- I'LL GIVE YOU TWO
DAYS TO GET THE MONEY.
IF YOU DON'T SHOW IT TO
ME IN THAT TIME IN CASH,
NO BOX TOPS, NO
BOTTLES FOR REFUNDS,
BUT COLD, HARD CASH,
I'LL GIVE YOU THE DATE.
- OH, BOY, THALIA, THANK YOU.
HOW MUCH COLD, HARD CASH?
- WELL, IT'S $3 FOR THE TICKETS.
- YEAH.
- $3 FOR EXTRAS.
- $3 FOR EXTRAS?
- WELL, I HAVE TO
HAVE A CORSAGE.
- OH, OF COURSE, MY LAMB.
- DELIVERED.
- DELIVERED?
OH, I'D RATHER PLACE IT IN
YOUR LOVELY HANDS MYSELF,
MY LOVE.
- OH, NO, DELIVERED.
- NOW WHY IS THAT SO IMPORTANT?
- BECAUSE I KNOW YOU
AND OTHERWISE YOU'LL
GO TO THE FLORIST
AT CLOSING TIME
AND CRY THEM OUT OF SOME
WITHERED OLD LEFTOVER!
- I WOULDN'T!
- TWO YEARS AGO,
YOU TORE THE TOPS
OFF SOME CARROTS
AND YOU TRIED TO
GIVE THEM TO ME!
- OKAY, OKAY, YOUR
CORSAGE DELIVERED.
- TWO DAYS, $6 COLD, HARD CASH.
- I DON'T KNOW COLD THEY'LL BE,
BUT THEY'RE SURE GONNA BE HARD.
- A FINE SUCCESS I AM.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE
IN THE STORE WORKING.
YOU SHOULD BE HOME WORKING.
OH, ANYWAY, DOBIE
SHOULD BE DOING THIS.
- NOW, DEAR, HE'LL BE
HERE ANY MINUTE NOW.
HE'S PROBABLY GETTING A BOOK
AT THE LIBRARY.
- LIBRARY?
THE ONLY BOOK HE WANTS
TO GET HIS HANDS ON
IS MY BANKBOOK.
- DOBIE'S NOT LAZY.
WHY, I BET HE'S NO DIFFERENT
THAN YOU WERE AT HIS AGE,
HANDSOME, FULL OF DREAMS,
AND TODAY YOU'RE A
SUCCESS IN MY EYES.
- WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
- YOU'RE LOW ON FROZEN SOUPS.
- HEY, THAT REMINDS
ME OF AN ITEM
I THINK WOULD SELL REAL GOOD.
OF COURSE, DOBIE WILL
HAVE TO HELP ME, SEE?
NOW HE JUST LAYS DOWN
HERE IN THE FREEZER.
THERE'S A GREAT
DEMAND FOR FROZEN BUM.
- HERBERT GILLIS,
IF YOU DON'T STOP
TALKING THAT WAY
ABOUT YOUR OWN SON...
- I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
DOBIE'S ALL RIGHT, I GUESS.
IT'S JUST THAT I... DON'T
CRY, PLEASE, WINNIE?
- WELL, MAYBE IF
YOU'D BE NICER TO HIM
AND NOT SNAP AND BARK
AND GROWL AND SNARL.
- I SOUND LIKE A ZOO.
- TEENAGERS NEED LOVE
AND UNDERSTANDING.
- WHAT ABOUT TEENAGERS' FATHERS?
- THAT LECTURE THAT I WENT TO,
YOU COULDN'T GO THAT NIGHT.
YOUR FEET HURT.
WELL, IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE
FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIP.
YOU SEE, A CHILD IS AMBIVALENT.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? LAZY?
- HERBERT!
IT MEANS, WELL, I
DON'T KNOW EXACTLY,
BUT THE MAN SAID THAT
IT WAS VERY IMPORTANT
AND IT'S UP TO THE
FATHER TO OVERCOME IT.
PLEASE, HERBERT?
- YOU'RE RIGHT, WINNIE.
I HAVE BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THE STORE TOO MUCH.
I'VE BEEN KIND OF BLIND. I GUESS
I'VE HAD LEFTOVER
VEGETABLES IN MY EYES.
HONEST, I'LL TRY.
- OH, THANK YOU, DEAR.
- YOU FEEL A LITTLE NUMB?
IT'S THIS FREEZER
AND IT GOT THIN PANTS ON, TOO.
[ LAUGHTER]
HEY, WHAT DO YOU SAY
I GET JACK LARSON TO COME
IN AND TAKE OVER THE STORE
FOR A WEEK
AND YOU AND I GO AWAY
ON A SECOND HONEYMOON?
HOW'S ABOUT IT, CUTICLE?
- DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.
- LIKE WHAT? LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE A BEAUTIFUL TIGER.
- GRRR!
- OH, HERBERT!
- YOU'RE MINE!
- NO, DON'T YOU DARE!
- I GOT HIM, LADY! I GOT
HIM! CALL THE MANAGER!
- LET GO OF ME! I'M THE MANAGER!
- OH, GEE.
YOU MUST BE NUTS MAKING
PASSES AT THE CUSTOMER.
- HE'S MY HUSBAND.
- OH! I'M SORRY! GO RIGHT AHEAD!
- HEY, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
- UNIVERSAL IMPORTS.
I'M NEW ON THE ROUTE,
SO I AIN'T UP ON ALL THE
FACES IN THE SANITARIUM.
- FUNNY.
OH, POLISH IMPORTED
HAMS. IT'S ABOUT TIME.
THEY WERE DUE A MONTH AGO.
- THEY'RE SCARCE. A LOT
OF THE PIGS AIN'T TRYING.
THANKS, CASANOVA.
HIS OWN WIFE. WHAT'LL
THEY THINK OF NEXT?
- HELLO, DEAR.
- SORRY I'M LATE,
MOM. IS DAD SORE?
- OH, OF COURSE NOT.
HE REALIZES IT MUST HAVE
BEEN IMPORTANT BUSINESS.
WHAT'S HER NAME?
- THALIA. AW, SHE'S
THE END, MOM.
- FINE. YOUR
FATHER'S IN THE BACK.
- MOM? HOW CAN I GET $6 FAST?
- FAST?
- THE JUNIOR PROM.
IF I COULD TAKE THALIA,
I'D BE SET WITH HER FOR LIFE.
- $6? MAYBE YOUR FATHER...
- OH, NO, HE'D KILL
ME IF I ASKED HIM.
I JUST ASKED THALIA.
- FOR $6?
- OH, NO, TO GO WITH
ME TO THE PROM.
SHE SAID IT'D BE UNFAIR
FOR HER TO SAY YES
UNTIL I COULD SHOW
HER I HAD THE MONEY.
- WHY DOES SHE HAVE
TO SEE THE MONEY?
- OH, BECAUSE IF
SHE SAYS YES TO ME
AND I WASH OUT, SHE'S STRANDED.
- OH, SHE SOUNDS VERY PRACTICAL.
- SHE IS! SHE IS!
SHE EVEN MADE SUGGESTIONS
HOW I COULD EARN SOME MONEY,
BABY-SIT FOR HER AUNT,
WASH HER UNCLE'S CAR,
AND SHE'S GIVING
ME A WEEK'S OPTION
BEFORE SHE DEFINITELY DECIDES
TO GO WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
BOY, IS SHE FULL OF
FAITH. I NEVER OWNED $6.
- MAYBE YOUR
FATHER WILL HELP YOU.
- SURELY YOU JEST.
- WAIT HERE.
DEAR, DOBIE'S HERE.
- I'LL GO LOCK THE
CASH REGISTER.
- HERBERT, REMEMBER
YOUR PROMISE,
LOVE, UNDERSTANDING,
COMPANIONSHIP, PLEASE?
- OKAY, WINNIE, I'LL DO MY BEST.
HOW ARE YOU, SON?
- WELL, I'M OKAY.
- NO.
I MEAN, HOW ARE YOU?
YOU GOT ANY PROBLEMS?
ANYTHING I CAN DO?
- WELL, I DO HAVE
ONE PROBLEM, MONEY.
- MONEY? MONEY'S NO
PROBLEM WHERE THERE'S LOVE.
HOW MUCH DO YOU NEED?
A DOLLAR, A DOLLAR
AND A QUARTER?
- NO, SIR, SIX.
- SIX?
I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO
SPOIL YOU ROTTEN, SON.
WOULD YOU WORK FOR IT?
- OH, SURE, DAD.
BUT I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT
MAKING MY FATHER PAY.
- WHY NOT?
IF I HIRE A STRANGE
BOY, I HAVE TO PAY HIM.
YOU'RE HIRED.. 75 CENTS AN HOUR.
- STRANGE BOY GETS $1 AN HOUR.
- LIKE I SAID, HE'S
A STRANGE BOY.
JUST A JOKE. [ LAUGHS]
- 75 IS FINE.
- A DOLLAR AND THAT'S FINAL!
- OH, GEE, THANKS, DAD, REALLY.
NOW I WON'T HAVE TO BABY-SIT.
IF THERE'S ONE THING I
HATE IT'S TO BURP BABIES.
GOSH, IN SIX HOURS,
THALIA'S ALL MINE.
- I'M PROUD OF MY TWO BOYS.
- OH, YOU KNOW ME, WINNIE.
I GROWL A LOT, BUT YOU
KNOW THAT OLD SAYING.
- AN EMPTY KETTLE
MAKES THE MOST NOISE?
- NO, IT'S SOMETHING
ABOUT A BARK AND A BITE.
OKAY, SON.
I GOT THE SHELF
CLEARED FOR THOSE HAMS.
I GOT A GOOD BUY ON THEM
AND THERE'S A BIG
DEMAND ON THEM.
THERE'S 2 BUCKS
PROFIT IN EVERY ONE.
- OH, NOT BAD.
GOT THE STAMPER SET?
- YEAH.
THEY SELL FOR $3.99.
HERE, STAMP EVERY ONE OF THEM
AND THEN PUT THEM ON THE SHELF.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
[ TELEPHONE RINGS]
- ANSWER THAT, DOBIE.
- OH, RIGHT, CHIEF.
GILLIS'S MARKET.
- HELLO, DOBIE? THIS IS THALIA.
- OH, HELLO, MON AMOUR.
- I'VE BEEN SUFFERING EVER
SINCE THE ICE CREAM PARLOR.
- SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SODA?
- NO. I MISTREATED
YOU. I WAS CRUEL.
- YES, YOU WERE, BUT
IT'S AN EXQUISITE PAIN.
- ABOUT THE PROM.
- YEAH?
- NOW I AM PREPARED TO
MAKE A DEFINITE COMMITMENT.
I PREFER NOT TO DANGLE
YOU. YOU MAY TAKE ME.
- AW, THALIA, THAT'S GREAT,
AND I'LL NEVER DANGLE YOU.
AND DON'T WORRY, I'M
ALL SET ON THE LOOT.
AND, THALIA, I LOVE YOU.
- THAT'S NICE, DOBIE.
- CAN I SEE YOU TOMORROW?
- OH, GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS GOING OUT TO MY
GRANDFATHER'S HOUSE TOMORROW.
- WELL, I'LL PICK YOU
UP THERE. WHERE IS IT?
- PICK ME UP IN WHAT?
- MY FATHER'S TRUCK.
IT'S NOT BAD IF YOU JUST
LIKE TRANSPORTATION.
- OKAY.
- WHAT'S THE ADDRESS?
- IT'S OUT THE FREEWAY
TO GREBELVILLE,
110 WINNIPESAUKEE
AVENUE. GOT IT?
- I BETTER WRITE
IT DOWN, DEAREST.
HOLD ON.
WHAT WAS IT AGAIN.
- 110... JEEPERS, WHAT
ARE YOU THINKING OF?
- I DARE NOT SAY. THIS
PHONE MAY BE TAPPED.
[ LAUGHS]
110, UH-HUH.
- 110, RIGHT?
- CHECK. NOW PICK
ME UP TOMORROW,
SAY, 4:30-ISH.
- UNTIL THEN, THALIA.
- GOODBYE.
- ARRIVEDERCI, MY BUBLITSKI.
- YEAH.
- WHAT DID WE EVER DO
TO DESERVE SUCH A SON?
- WE GOT MARRIED.
- ARE THOSE IMPORTED HAMS?
- YES, THALIA.
- WHY, THEY'RE CHEAP!
- AFTER YOU DELIVER THAT,
SON, WHY DON'T YOU LIE DOWN?
I WON'T DOCK YOU FOR
TAKING A LITTLE BREAK.
- AW, GEE. EXCUSE ME.
- HOW DO, DR. GICKER?
- AH, DR. GICKER,
HOW'S THE
PSYCHOANALYSIS BUSINESS?
- TRAUMATIC.
- WHAT?
OH, HOW ARE YOU, MRS. MORRIS?
- OH, FINE, MR. GILLIS.
BUSY AS A BEE.
- YEAH, RAISING
A BIG FAMILY. 35...
- AND BEING MARRIED
TO A DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
SO MUCH ENTERTAINMENT.
- HE'S A VERY GOOD ONE, TOO.
- THE NEWSPAPERS ARE CALLING
HIM "HARD AS NAILS" MORRIS.
- THAT'S WHAT WE NEED.
1.10, 1.10, 1.10, OH! OH!
- HE'S STARTING A CAMPAIGN
TO PROTECT THE HOUSEWIFE...
- MRS. MORRIS?
- AGAINST DISHONEST MERCHANTS.
- WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE ONE OF THESE? TRY IT?
- OH, I KNOW THE BRAND,
MR. GILLIS. IT'S DELICIOUS.
BUT 1.10?
WHY, IT'S USUALLY OVER $3.
- 3.99.
- HOW DO YOU DO IT?
- VOLUME.
- WELL, YOU DELIVER ALL
THIS, IF YOU WILL, PLEASE,
AND PUT IT ON MY BILL.
- COME AGAIN.
- OH, BY THE WAY, MR. GILLIS.
THAT NICE-LOOKING
YOUNG BOY BACK THERE
CALLED ME THALIA.
IS THAT YOUR SON?
- HE USED TO BE.
WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS HE?
- SHH!
DR. GICKER'S BACK THERE!
- I GOTTA KILL THAT
BOY. I JUST GOT TO.
- NOW, HERBERT.
- 3.99, I SAID.
3.99 AND I HAD TO
SELL THEM FOR $1.10!
HE'S JUST STAMPED
ME INTO BANKRUPTCY!
WAIT'LL I GET MY HANDS ON HIM!
- DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HIM!
HE'S MY SON, TOO.
- I'LL ONLY KILL MY HALF.
- YOU LISTEN.
- ALL RIGHT, SO HE
MADE A LITTLE MISTAKE.
ALL THESE YEARS, YOU'VE
BEEN PICKING ON HIM.
NOW SUDDENLY TODAY,
YOU'RE NICE. HE'S CONFUSED.
- AND THAT D.A., HE
OUGHT TO BE ARRESTED!
- YELLING AT DOBIE
ISN'T GOING TO HELP.
REMEMBER, HE'S AMBIVALENT.
- HE'S AN AMBIVALENT BUM!
- HERBERT, THIS IS SERIOUS!
THE HAPPINESS, THE FUTURE
OF YOUR SON IS AT STAKE!
DON'T YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO
GET SOME PROFESSIONAL ADVICE?
- LIKE WHAT?
- LIKE DR. GICKER.
AFTER ALL, HE'S A PSYCHIATRIST
AND HE UNDERSTANDS
THE PROBLEMS OF CHILDREN.
- YOU MEAN, YOU
THINK THAT... NAW.
- IT'S WORTH A TRY.
THE HAPPINESS OF
THIS WHOLE FAMILY
DEPENDS UPON YOUR
UNDERSTANDING YOUR OWN CHILD.
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
GO TO HIS OFFICE.
- HIS OFFICE? THOSE
GUYS CHARGE A FORTUNE.
WHY GO TO HIS OFFICE WHEN
I CAN GET IT HERE FOR FREE?
ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO HELP, DOCTOR?
- NO, THANKS. I'M
DOING FINE, THANK YOU.
- NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?
- THE WEATHER'S ADJUSTED TO IT.
- HERE, LET ME CHECK
THESE THINGS OUT.
I GUESS IT'S KIND OF INTERESTING
WORK YOU DO, HUH, DOCTOR?
- WELL, I ENJOY IT.
- SAY, I HEARD OF
A CASE RECENTLY,
A LULU. NOW I DON'T KNOW
THE PEOPLE PERSONALLY,
YOU UNDERSTAND,
BUT A 17-YEAR-OLD BOY,
HE'S DRIVING HIS FATHER NUTS.
- DISTURBING THE
FATHER IN WHAT WAY?
- EVERY WAY. WHAT'S THE CURE?
- IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL WITHOUT
A GREAT MANY MORE FACTS.
MANY POSSIBILITIES.
THE PSYCHE IS A MYSTERIOUS,
UNCHARTED WILDERNESS
FULL OF DRIVES,
FEARS, FRUSTRATIONS.
- PERSONALLY, I THINK
THE KID HATES HIS FATHER.
ELSE WHY WOULD HE
TRY TO DESTROY HIM?
- OH, HE MAY THINK
HE HATES HIS FATHER.
RESENTMENT OF HIS FATHER'S
MORE IMPORTANT PLACE
IN THE ADULT WORLD,
JEALOUSY OF THE
FATHER-MOTHER RELATIONSHIP,
NOT UNUSUAL.
- SO WHAT'S THE CURE?
- WELL, WHO KNOWS?
OCCASIONALLY, IF A
CHILD VOICES HATRED,
ACTUALLY ADMITS
IT WITHOUT SHAME,
IT OFTEN HELPS, REMOVES
GUILT FROM THE BOY.
- DO YOU MEAN TO
SAY IF I GET DOBIE TO...
I MEAN, THAT IS,
IF THIS FATHER GETS THIS KID
TO ADMIT THAT HE HATES HIM,
THAT'LL SOLVE EVERYTHING?
- QUITE POSSIBLY.
AT LEAST IT'S WORTH A TRY.
- BUT HOW YOU GONNA GET A KID
TO ADMIT HE HATES HIS FATHER?
ESPECIALLY WHEN
THE KID'S A COWARD?
- THAT IS THE GOAL
OF PSYCHOTHERAPY,
KEEPING THE BOY ON THE
COUCH UNTIL HE ADMITS IT.
- THANKS, DOC.
- THAT'LL BE $20.75, DOCTOR.
- HERE'S THE 75 CENTS.
THAT MAKES US EVEN.
- HUH?
- MY FEE FOR PROFESSIONAL
CONSULTATION
IS $20.
- PROFESSIONAL CONSULT...
WE WERE JUST GABBING!
- THAT'S MY BUSINESS, GABBING.
YOU SELL GROCERIES, I
SELL 30 YEARS OF RESEARCH.
GOODBYE.
- YOU AND YOUR IDEAS.
- EVENING, HITCH.
PRETTY QUIET OUT THERE.
- YEAH, TOO QUIET.
- GET THE WOMEN AND
CHILDREN BEHIND THOSE WAGONS!
- HIYA, PAL!
- OH, HI, DAD.
- SON, THERE'S SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO TAKE UP WITH YOU.
- SURE.
- WELL, YOU SEE, IT'S LIKE THIS.
LAY DOWN ON THE COUCH.
- HUH?
- LAY DOWN THERE.
- WELL, I'M NOT TIRED, DAD.
- WELL, I AM! SO HUMOR ME, HUH?
NOW GET OVER AND LAY DOWN
ON THE COUCH LIKE I TOLD YOU!
I'M SUPPOSED TO SIT HERE.
SON, DO YOU TRUST ME?
- OH, SURE, DAD.
- AM I YOUR FRIEND?
- AND HOW.
- WELL, IF I'M YOUR FRIEND,
YOU WANT TO MAKE
ME HAPPY, RIGHT?
- BELIEVE ME, DAD, I'D DO
ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO?
- TELL ME YOU HATE ME.
- HUH?
- JUST SAY THAT YOU HATE ME.
- BUT I DON'T HATE
YOU. I LOVE YOU.
- NO, YOU DON'T! YOU HATE ME!
NOW SAY IT!
- IT'S NOT TRUE! I LOVE YOU!
- LOOK, SON, I'M JUST
TRYING TO HELP YOU.
NOW YOU KNOW YOU
HATE ME. ADMIT IT!
- BUT I DON'T! I
DON'T, DAD! DAD?
- TELL YOU WHAT!
YOU SAY THAT YOU HATE ME
AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE
$6 TO TAKE THAT GIRL
TO THE PROM!
- YOU WILL?
- HERE IT IS RIGHT HERE.
CASH ON THE BARRELHEAD.
NOW DO YOU HATE ME?
- NO, I CAN'T DO IT, DAD.
- OH, WHAT KIND OF A
KID ARE YOU ANYWAY?
CAN'T YOU DO ONE LITTLE
THING FOR YOUR OWN FATHER?
- WELL, I CAN'T HELP
IT, DAD. I LOVE YOU.
- INGRATE!
- LET ME UP, WILL YOU?
- NO!
NOW YOU JUST THINK YOU LOVE
ME BECAUSE I'M A GREAT GUY,
BUT YOU'RE CONFUSED.
NOW YOU SAY THAT YOU HATE
ME OR WE'RE THROUGH, FINISHED.
- OKAY, DAD, I HATE YOU.
- HONEST? YOU SWEAR?
- I HATE YOU, I SWEAR.
- NOW YOU'RE TALKING.
- NOW CAN I GO?
- OH, SURE, SON.
AND THANKS, SON.
HE HATES ME. HE HATES ME.
HE HATES ME? HE HATES ME!
- OH, HI, DAD, GOOD
OLD DAD. DAD?
- NEVER MIND THE
GOOD OLD DAD STUFF.
LET'S KEEP IT HONEST.
YOU HATE ME. WHAT'S
THE USE OF KIDDING?
- DAD, I KEEP TELLING YOU...
- FORGET IT! IT'S CLEAN,
IT'S HONEST, IT'S OPEN.
YOU HATE ME, THAT'S ALL.
- HERE'S A LITTLE
SOMETHING FOR YOU, DAD.
- WHAT? A BOMB?
- OPEN IT.
- WHAT'S THIS FOR?
IT'S NOT FATHER'S DAY.
IT AIN'T MY BIRTHDAY.
- I JUST HAPPENED
TO SEE IT DOWNTOWN
AND I THOUGHT IT WOULD
LOOK NICE WITH YOUR BLUE SUIT.
- ALL RIGHT, THE TRUTH.
WHAT DID YOU DO? WRECK THE CAR?
FLUNK OUT OF SCHOOL? WHAT?
- NOTHING, DAD.
I JUST FELT LIKE
BUYING YOU A TIE.
- WHERE'D YOU GET THE MONEY?
OUT OF THE CASH REGISTER, HUH?
HOW MUCH DID
YOU TAKE? 10, 20, 50?
OUT WITH IT!
- OH, WHAT'S THE USE.
- OH, I'M WISE TO
YOUR TRICKS, MISTER.
YOU GOTTA GET UP PRETTY
EARLY IN THE MORNING
TO PUT ONE OVER
ON HERBERT T. GILLIS!
- MR. GILLIS?
- OH, HELLO, THALIA.
- WHY DON'T YOU LOOK
AT THE BIG PICTURE?
- WHAT BIG PICTURE?
- I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND
WHY YOU DIDN'T GIVE
DOBIE $6 TO TAKE ME
TO THE JUNIOR PROM.
- BUT I DID GIVE HIM $6
- NO, YOU DIDN'T OR ELSE WHY
WOULD HE BREAK HIS DATE WITH ME?
WHY, HE LOVES ME
MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF,
AS INDEED HE SHOULD.
LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE.
- THE BIG PICTURE.
- WHAT'S THE FUTURE
OF A BOY LIKE DOBIE,
ON HIS OWN, I MEAN?
- BLACK.
- EXACTLY.
BUT IF HE HAD A GIRL LIKE
ME WITH EXPENSIVE TASTE,
WHY THEN HE'D HAVE
TO MAKE A SUCCESS,
WOULDN'T HE?
- WELL...
- YOU SHOW ME A FINANCIAL
TYCOON AND I'LL SHOW YOU
RIGHT BEHIND HIM A GIRL
LIKE THALIA MENNINGER.
GIRLS LIKE ME, WE ARE THE
MOVERS AND THE SHAKERS.
WHY, WE TAKE MEN AND
WE OPEN UP THEIR VISTAS.
WE BROADEN THEIR HORIZONS.
- NOW, MISS...
- WE JUST DO EVERYTHING!
WE MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!
DOBIE IS THE CLAY
AND I AM THE SCULPTOR.
- I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND YOU.
IN FACT, I KNOW I DON'T.
- I KNOW YOU DON'T, TOO.
SIX MEASLY DOLLARS
STANDING BETWEEN YOUR SON
AND THIS FACE AND THESE HANDS!
OH!
OH, PENNY-WISE
AND POUND-FOOLISH!
OH, MISGUIDED MAN!
- BUT I TELL YOU, I
DID GIVE HIM THE $6!
I'M GONNA KILL THAT KID.
I'LL STRANGLE HIM
WITH HIS OWN NECKTIE.
WINNIE! WINNIE! HE
LOVES ME! DOBIE LOVES ME!
- BYE, MOM, DAD,
I'M OFF TO THE PROM.
- GOODBYE.
THALIA, OH, YOU
LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, THANK YOU. YOU
LOOK VERY NICE, TOO.
I LOVE THAT TIE.
- IT'S MY FATHER'S.
HE LET ME WEAR IT.
- IT'S VERY NICE.
- HERE'S YOUR CORSAGE.
- OH, I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE.
- FROM WHO?
- YOUR FATHER SENT IT TO ME.
- OH. YOU KNOW,
HE'S NOT SUCH A BAD
GUY FOR A FATHER, I MEAN.
COME, MADAME, YOUR
CARRIAGE AWAITS.
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S DREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL WHO'S CREAMY ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪
♪ WANTS A GAL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ IS SHE BLONDE? IS SHE TALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE DARK? IS SHE SMALL? ♪
♪ IS SHE ANY KIND OF
DREAMBOAT AT ALL? ♪
♪ NO MATTER ♪
♪ HE'S HERS AND HERS ALONE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE DOBIE HAS TO
HAVE A GIRL TO CALL HIS OWN ♪
♪ DOBIE ♪