The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 1, Episode 5 - The Deadly Games Affair - full transcript

NARRATOR: In New York City...

on a street in the East Forties,
there's an ordinary tailor shop.

Or is it ordinary?

We entered through the agents' entrance
and we are now in U.N.C.L.E. headquarters.

That's the United Network
Command for Law and Enforcement.

U.N.C.L.E. is an organization
consisting of agents of all nationalities.

It's involved in maintaining political
and legal order anywhere in the world.

[GARBLED SPEECH OVER RADIO]

My name is Napoleon Solo.

I'm enforcement agent
in Section Two here.

That's Operations
and Enforcement.



I am Illya Kuryakin. I'm
also an enforcement agent.

Like my friend Napoleon, I go and I
do whatever I am told to by our chief.

Huh? Oh, yes. Alexander Waverly.

Number One in Section One.

In charge of this, our
New York headquarters.

It's from here that I send these
young men on their various missions.

BOY 1: You couldn't hit
that bottle if you had to.

BOY 2: Boy, that was a
nice one. BOY 3: He hit it.

BOY 1: So what? It was
so big, anybody could hit it.

- So? BOY 2: I hit it.

BOY 2: Try it. I hit
it. BOY 1: Go left.

- Hey, look at that.
- Look, a barrel.

Okay, try to hit the lid.

- All right.
- You got it.



Let's get out of here.

ILLYA: The tattoo, of course,
was a stroke of pure luck.

Why the man hadn't
had the thing obliterated

years ago, I'll
never understand.

The Nazi Gestapo insignia.

It's correct. We have identification
on him from our wartime German files.

SOLO: Who was he? Count Dracula?

He was a Major Ernst Neubel.

Reported killed 20 years ago, during
the last months of the war with Germany.

Which brings us to another man.

Subject: Volp, Wolfgang.
Nationality: German.

Doctor of Medicine, Doctor of Philosophy.
He was a brilliant medical researcher.

His field was blood chemistry.

The SS man we found yesterday
was assigned to Volp in 1944.

He headed an elite guard
of security personnel...

who went to almost incredible lengths
to keep Volp's last experiment secret.

They succeeded admirably.

Three weeks before
the fall of Berlin...

Volp's laboratory was destroyed
along with its entire personnel.

So we believed.

Except Neubel wasn't
blown up, it now appears.

Precisely. Neubel survived.

And something else
may also have survived.

- A stamp.
- Stamp?

Volp was also a stamp collector.

He owned several unique,
one-of-a-kind items of great value.

The collection was
presumed lost in the explosion.

But tonight, here in
Manhattan, at a stamp auction...

what may be one of Volp's
stamps is being offered for sale.

If Neubel survived and
the collection survived...

then there's a pretty good chance
Herr Doktor Volp made it too.

Also, whatever it was he was
so secretly experimenting upon.

[CHATTERING]

AUCTIONEER: All come to
order. We'll get the sale started.

Has everybody got a number?
You have to have a number.

We know you are
here by number only.

When you bid, bid silently,
by raising your hand.

Last hand up, you have the
highest bid and you're the winner.

Bids start off with one of the
mail bids and we'll go from there.

- How's the punch?
- It just went flat.

Someone recognize you?

Not recognized. Greeted
me like a long-lost brother.

It seems Thrush has elected
to join the game of philately.

She just went into
the auction room.

AUCTIONEER: Next
number is number 2.

And the bid is $40.
Forty, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45?

Angelique.

You must tell
me what it's like...

romancing a woman who
would kill you without a qualm...

if Thrush ordered it.

It adds spice, Illya.

And besides, I flatter myself
that she might have a few qualms.

AUCTIONEER: three, 34, 35,
36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 40, 40, $40.

Sold, $40 dollars,
to number 105.

Section number, number 4.

Darling, how wonderful to see
you. It's been much too long.

Angelique, you're just as
beautiful as you were in Switzerland.

I'll never forget you standing
there on that mountain road...

with your gun in your hand.

Sweetheart. Come, we must talk.

Your place or mine?

Darling, business first.

If we don't do our jobs, they
won't let us play together.

N'est-ce pas?

AUCTIONEER: Sold.
$200, number 105.

I'm afraid you're right.

Well, let's get on with it.

AUCTIONEER: and the next number
is Number 7. And the bid is 150,000.

One fifty, 150, 155,
160, 165, 170, 175...

180, 185, 200. Do I hear...?

Oh, really, Napoleon.
Your friend is much too grim.

And the truth is, he's jealous.

Then he should realize that even in
war, enemies must occasionally negotiate.

And if the emissaries become friends,
what harm would there be in that?

Angelique, you're marvelous.

If Thrush had another dozen
like you, they could rule the world.

[LAUGHS]

Darling, another dozen like me
and there'd be no need for Thrush.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

Now, we both know
why we're here.

My people and your people are more
than interested in one particular stamp.

Should we start the
competition tonight?

Yes, I see. We start
bidding against one another...

we could probably set a world's
record for a stamp's purchase price.

And if we did that...

we more than likely have frightened
Dr. Volp away from any of us.

So a truce?

Agreed. One of us buys it.

And truce remains in effect
until we've had it examined.

Now, who buys it?

Heads, I buy. Tails, you buy.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

Sorry, darling. Force of habit.

I believe I win by a default.

Shall we go in?

MAN: Without question,
the finest 1874...

single Schleswig-Holstein
70 Kreuzer.

A desecration.

- Who would do such a dreadful thing?
- Something wrong?

When I was a boy in Prague, I
saw this stamp in an exhibition.

But at that time, it
was one of a pair.

Since that time, someone
has separated them.

And that's bad.

Would you tear the
Mona Lisa in half?

It's a desecration.

But could you tell us if it belongs
to the collection of Wolfgang Volp?

Ah. Look.

See these marks
on the back, huh?

This is the mark of Apaldi,
the greatest collector of them all.

Now, when he died, it
was purchased by Tirvo.

And here is Tirvo's
identification symbol.

Didn't Volp have his own
identifying symbol too?

But of course, Volp
must have had a symbol.

And it must be on the
other half of the original pair.

Well, love, it's been a memorable evening
but I'm afraid the music just stopped.

Really, darling, why don't
come over to my side?

Think what fun we could have.

Can I drop you somewhere?

Thank you. No, I
have a car waiting.

Goodnight, dear. Take care, now.

She seems happy. Who is dead?

Now, don't be unkind, Illya.

Any woman that gives a
man flowers can't be all bad.

An exceedingly
dangerous specimen.

One of Angelique's
relatives, perhaps?

You mean to tell me that that beautiful
young woman just tried to kill you?

You know Shakespeare, my friend?

"What a goodly
outside falsehood hath."

Well, there went the goodliest
outside in the whole falsehood game.

Can't you call during
lunch? We're gonna be late.

No, I cannot. Can't wait
until lunch. I wanna know now.

Here, we... Here we go.

[BELL RINGS]

Chuck...

You know, I think we ought to
make more phone calls together.

Hello. May I have the
Auction Department, please?

Hello. This is Mr. Boskirk...

and I'm calling about a stamp that
you sold for me in the auction last night.

Yes, that's right, that...

Well, I would like to know if I can come
over this afternoon and pick up the money.

Fine.

Fine, thank you. Oh, out of
curiosity, what was the realization?

How much?

Thank you, very much.

- Did you hear that?
- Uh-uh.

Oh, come on. Don't
keep me in suspense.

Six thousand five hundred. You
know what our percentage is?

- Six hundred and fifty dollars.
- That much?

And more to come.
That's what the man said.

Hey.

Maybe, with the extra money...

we don't have to wait until graduation
to get married. We could... Hm?

Maybe we could get married
during the summer, sometime?

Well, is that all right
with you or isn't it?

Of course, it's...
It's wonderful, only...

Well, I don't know. Coming
out of the blue like this it...

It just seems too
good to be true.

You know something? I
think you worry too much.

Come on. We're
both gonna be late.

[BELL RINGS]

MAN: Yes.

You are late, Mr. Boskirk.

I'm sorry, sir. I had
to make a phone call.

AMADEUS: All right.
You may take you place.

Thank you, Professor Amadeus.

Today, we will continue with
the study of enzyme action...

in the product known as yogurt.

- Look.
- Cash?

BOSKIRK: That's what
the man said he wanted.

Come on.

- The boy.
- No chance, they got him.

- Well?
- Guards had no identification.

Fingerprints removed by surgery.
Standard Thrush commando outfit.

Thrush?

A very powerful group of
renegades who want to rule the world.

Now, how did
Chuck get the stamp?

Well, it just came
one day in the mail.

There was a letter saying it had
belonged to a helpless invalid...

and Chuck's name had reached
him through reliable sources.

The whole thing
seems so terribly phony.

But... Well, I guess at the
time we just wanted to believe it.

- Because you wanted the money.
- Wanted it?

It just meant we wouldn't
have to wait to get married.

Did the letter make
any arrangements...

for getting the money to
the owner of the stamp?

It just said he'd
be contacted later.

He sure was
contacted, wasn't he?

Will I ever see him again?

When the kidnappers question Chuck
and find out how little he really knows...

they'll probably let him go.

But... Well, how
will he find me?

I don't even know how
I got into this building.

Didn't you explain
the route to Terry?

If you will recall, we
walk into a building...

climb two flights, went into
an office and through a door.

We entered an elevator,
descended three flights...

opened a wall, passed
through several corridors...

rode an elevator up two
stories and here you are.

See how easy it is?
As a matter of fact...

I hope to be bringing Chuck to
you soon, following the same route.

I think I have a pretty good
idea what Thrush's next move is.

Here's the car.

I can make it, thanks.

[BOSKIRK GROANS]

ANGELIQUE: Here's your home.
- Hm?

Are you still dizzy? It's
the sodium pentothal.

- Coffee will make you feel better.
- Hey, wait. Listen, I... I want to...

I wanna tell you how much I
appreciate what you've done for me...

in getting me away
from those men.

Say, you know, I still don't know
who you are or who they were.

Right now, I'm not even
too sure I know who I am.

Those men belonged to a
ring of international criminals.

As for myself, I'm an agent...

for a worldwide organization
which works for law and order.

Beyond that I must
ask you to trust me.

You've heard of the U.N.C.L.E.?

Am I such an
untrustworthy character?

Well, let's just
say that you're...

confusing.

Shall I make us some
coffee in your room?

- Help.
- Resisting an officer? That's not smart.

What tricks are you playing now?

Me? Well, I'm just a private citizen
helping an officer make an arrest.

It was something to
do with immigration.

About being employed
without a work permit.

Wait a minute. This lady helped me
get away from some very dangerous men.

Oh, I'll bet she did.
Mm-hm. Loaded with blanks.

She wasn't trying to help you
escape. She was giving you more leash.

Come on. Terry's waiting
for you. I'll drive you there.

- This really is a policeman?
- He really is, sweet.

I don't imagine he
can hold you for more

than a couple of hours.
But every bit helps.

You've been very
unkind to me tonight.

I suppose you think you've won the
war. In fact, you really lost the peace.

Now, any calls coming into your
apartment, Chuck, ring directly here.

We've had your place under
surveillance since early evening.

Now, at 8:15, the
calls started coming.

The phone has rung at
half-hour intervals ever since.

We've just let it
ring, of course.

You think whoever's been trying
to call me is this man you're after...

- the one who sent me the stamp.
- We hope so.

There's a chance he may
have been scared off...

by the ruckus the opposition caused
this afternoon when they kidnapped you.

[DEVICE BEEPING]

That's instructions for delivering the
money. Just say you'll carry them out.

Talk into this, right there,
when I flick the switch. Shh.

- Hello. MAN: Instructions.

Bring money to warehouse...

corner of West 29th
Street and 14th Avenue.

Come alone. Come 2:00, exactly.

Instructions understood?

Yes, I understand.

Very cautious man.

It sounded like he was
trying to disguise his voice.

Yeah, he was. That means,
probably, somebody that you know.

Two o'clock. It's 20 minutes
to 2. We better get going.

Do you need Chuck? You
know where the man is.

Well, if the man we're after is
as cautious as we think he is...

he's liable to run if anybody but
Chuck arrives at the warehouse.

Now, don't worry.
We'll protect you.

But I won't deny there
is some risk involved.

Who can stop now?
My curiosity's killing me.

- You have the money?
- Oh, yeah.

- What's that?
- That is a homer.

It's a miniature radio transmitter
that sends out a constant signal.

Must've planted it on you before
Angelique played her Great Escape scene.

Anyone with a receiver
tuned to its frequency...

can follow it and
anyone carrying it...

for a distance of one mile.

I think I'll send this on a
little ride in the country.

That'll lead the opposition
on a wild goose chase...

and give us a chance to
meet your stamp collector.

- Is that another homer?
- That's right.

It's broadcasting on our frequency
with the receiver in my car.

Okay? Come on.

[RECEIVER BLEEPING]

I thought you said there'd
be others here to protect him.

Oh, they're here.

How can they protect if
they can't even see him?

[RECEIVER BUZZING]

SOLO: It's a loose transistor.
Nothing to worry about.

Chuck.

We found the escape route.
Tunnel with a hidden exit.

The bomb was nothing fancy.

Nitroglycerin.

This is not Thrush. They would
use something more sophisticated.

In this game of hare and hounds,
the hare refuses to play a timid role.

Makes it a three-corner game.

Why does Volp go it alone?
Why doesn't he just join Thrush?

His work, maybe?
It's quite a puzzle.

- What did the doctor say, Chuck?
- He thinks she's all right.

But they're taking her to
the hospital for a checkup.

Fine. I'll take you there.

You know, she was worried
about her midterm exams.

I think she thinks she's gonna
have to stay in the hospital.

Do you suppose we could
pick up books on the way?

- Where are they?
- They're at school.

It won't be out of the way?

It won't be out of
the way, Chuck.

I'll keep her busy
while you get the books.

Do you think that maybe there's
a place for me in your line of work?

No, second thought...

Terry is the jealous type.

Well, they bailed you
out in a hurry, love.

It was a thoroughly nauseating
experience, Napoleon.

- I don't think I'll ever forgive you.
- Well, c'est la guerre.

What's this sudden
interest in higher education?

Oh, it's you, Professor Amadeus.

I thought, you know, it
was vandals or something.

Oh, no, no. It's only I.

You're here very
late, Mr. Boskirk.

Oh, yes, it was kind of an emergency.
I had to get some books for my girl.

She had kind of an accident. And she's
going to be in the hospital for a while.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry if I startled
you. I didn't...

Oh, no, no. It's all right.

- Are you going away or something?
- No, I...

No, you see I'm doing
some experiments at home...

and I find I need my notes. Yes.

Would you like some
help with the boxes?

Well, yes, thank you. They
are a bit awkward, please.

- No trouble.
- Thank you.

Just put them
right here, like so.

- This all right?
- Just a little farther forward, please.

Dr. Volp, I presume?

Oh, really, doctor.
That isn't necessary.

I'm here to help you.

Come inside.

Stay just there. Don't move.

[DEVICES BLEEPING AND BUZZING]

An elevator. How clever.

Who are you?

How is it you found this place?

Meh?

- Answer me.
- Well, that's rather a long story.

You see, I work for a very
powerful, very far-flung organization...

dedicated to making the world safe
for fugitive scientists like yourself.

- Illya, come in.
- Where are you, Napoleon?

Chuck's homing device indicates
he's been taken to 348 Superior.

I'll leave right away
with a couple of men.

I'm going to break in right now.

Back me as soon as you can.

Surely, you can see that my
friends are your only hope now.

I mean, we're not the
only ones seeking you.

You have enemies, Herr Doktor.

Powerful enemies
who will stop at nothing.

Ask him. He saw their
work earlier tonight.

They even employ police.

Why do you
hesitate, Herr Doktor?

Don't you trust me?

There's a radio in there.

I could contact headquarters...

and bring you personal
greetings from many of your...

former friends and associates.

They found safe refuge
in our organization.

The same safety and
freedom we offer you.

As well as unlimited funds with
which to complete your experiments.

No need to sell your stamps.

And thereby force
yourself to discovery.

What do I care about them?
The ones you call my friends.

They were nobodies. Nothings.

And now... What are they
now? Old nobody nothings.

The other ones, the important
ones, they were my friends.

And one man, who stood above
the others, it was for him I worked.

For him, I have lived
these last 20 years...

waiting for a new generation
to come to manhood in my...

In my poor fatherland.

Waiting till once more
there are many young men.

Lost, bitter young men...

needing somebody to
guide them, to teach them...

to lead them...

as their parents once were led.

The world thinks he
died when Berlin fell.

But like Barbarossa in
the legend, he only sleeps...

waiting to rise up again
when the fatherland needs him.

I...

I, who have perfected a process
for suspending animation...

I alone can wake him.

You're awake?

More or less.

Where's Volp? On
a house call, I hope.

In there, where he found you.

Napoleon, is it true what
he said? That, in there...

I'm afraid so.

So how long was I out? How
long ago did he find me here?

He heard you choking on
the fumes and went right in.

Oh, I don't know. It
seems a long time ago.

How did you get in there?

I climbed down an
air vent from upstairs.

How are you feeling, Chuck?

Boy, does my head hurt.

Still kind of dizzy.

Mainly, I'm scared.
I'm scared to death.

Well, it'd be pretty
strange if you weren't.

Look, we have help coming.

Exactly how soon...

Let them come.
They're already too late.

Barbarossa's pretty ripe, Volp.

I don't think he can muster
a following if he comes out...

looking like Neubel did
when they found him.

Poor Neubel. A pity. A great
pity, ja. But don't be afraid.

I do not intend to make
the same mistake twice.

You see?

When the lift is in
position at the upper level...

we are effectively sealed in.

And the help that you
spoke of will be sealed out.

I see.

So you plan to make this a permanent
home for you and your pickled superman?

Oh, hardly. There is an emergency
exit. When the... A kind of tunnel.

When the sleeper awakes,
he and I will use it together.

Another tunnel. You
got a lot of gopher in you.

And now to make certain
that we are not disturbed.

What was that?

The house above us is now in
flames. It will burn to the ground.

Nobody up there could possibly
suspect what is down here.

And even if they did, how
could they get through the fire?

My friends, you have
made this moment possible.

I will explain it to
you, very carefully.

Because I want you to feel fear.

Fear, you see, will release
adrenaline into the bloodstream.

Adrenaline will be helpful
in the process of revival.

Blood is the key to
my entire discovery.

Even I, myself, did not
realize how important it was...

until the unfortunate
failure with Neubel.

You see, with Neubel, I
used his own blood supply...

chemically preserved
and stored separately...

at the time that he was put
into suspended animation.

But, as you, yourself, are already
aware, that is not the way to do it.

Poor Neubel began to... To
decay within a matter of hours.

And so, I realized
that the only answer...

is whole, fresh blood.

That is why I sold my stamps.

I wanted to buy the blood
discreetly at the blood banks.

And then, suddenly, tonight...

all of my efforts, my years
of patience, seemed doomed.

There was no time to buy blood.

The blood of these two
was the wrong type...

and then you came.

The answer to my
last, desperate prayers.

Your blood is the right type.

At this moment...

the preserving fluid is being
drained from his veins...

and will be replaced
with fresh, whole blood.

My friends, yours
will be a unique honor.

It is through you...

that he will live again.

I'm sorry that you will not be
here to enjoy your reflected glory.

Of course, unfortunately, he will
require your entire blood supply.

Hold still now.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Please, do not move your arm.

[SCREAMS]

It moved! Look at it!

AMADEUS: So these movements that
you see, they are mere nerve spasms.

They're caused by the reviving fluid
which has now begun to enter his veins...

and is cleansing and
stimulating his vital organs.

And he will not
be truly awake...

until the new blood supply is
circulating through his brain.

So four minutes more
of the reviving fluid...

and then we are ready
for your contribution.

SOLO: I wondered
how long that would take.

Flames exploded the gas tank.
That's burning gasoline seeping through.

This whole place will be ablaze
in a lot less than four minutes.

No, no. Just a few more minutes.

I've come too far. We
can't desert him now.

What about me? Are you
gonna leave us here to burn?

Well, what else can I do?

Shoot me. The boy
too. It'll be quicker.

Solo.

So which do you prefer?

- In the heart or the head?
- Wherever you think it will hurt less.

- You're the doctor.
- In the head, then.

Would you please
to close your eyes?

[COUGHING]

No. No, you will
spoil everything.

[GRUNTS]

SOLO: Get out of here through the
tunnel, before the smoke finishes you.

Hold on.

All right.

I'll take him, darling. After
all, that's why I'm here.

Angelique, there's no time.

Thrush wants him and
Thrush will have him.

Herr Doktor? Over here.

All right. Get him
out of here, Illya.

Now.

No!

What was that that
went into the flames?

Something that should
have died a long time ago.

How'd you find the tunnel?

The smoke, it's coming
up through a manhole cover.

Wait.

All right, you'll have a week in Tahiti.
Then back by Honolulu to San Francisco.

- Now, how does that sound?
- Now, that's what I call a honeymoon.

Hey, now. Wait a minute.
After a trip like this...

are you going to be satisfied
keeping house in a cold-water flat?

Now, we thought of that too.

- What is it?
- This is Volp's stamp collection.

We found it in a
safe-deposit box in Manhattan.

And since he has no heirs,
we would like you to have it.

- The whole collection?
- Mm-hm.

I think that'll set you up in something
a little bit better than a cold-water flat.

Thank you.

Mr. Solo...

we appreciate the trip. It's lovely.
And we'll remember it all our lives.

- But I don't think...
- We...

We wouldn't feel like plain
old American newlyweds...

if we couldn't pinch
pennies the first few years.

Why don't... Why don't we
give it back to the college?

Yeah, as a kind of bequest
from Professor Amadeus.

All right. To the
college it goes.

Excuse me.

You have a caller. At
the security entrance.

Now?

You'd better attend to it before
the place gets a bad name.

Excuse me. Duty summons.

Wait a minute. Just in case
you don't make it to the wedding.

Listen, don't sell your line of work
short. There's a lot to recommend it.

Hello, darling.

Did you miss me?

I did wonder what
became of you after the fire.

You didn't hang around
to say good night.

To tell the truth, I was
trying to figure out a way...

how to get Dr. Volp's
papers away from you.

Unfortunately, the
opportunity didn't present itself.

When did you ever
wait for an opportunity?

That opportunity just passed.

Truce time?

No spiders?

Just me, darling.

Since you put it that way...

I guess it's all right.

[ENGLISH SDH]