The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (1964–1968): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Green Opal Affair - full transcript

Solo investigates a Thrush plot to tamper with the minds of prominent people only to find out he has been expected all along. Now, Thrush intends to tamper with his brain, figuring the agent will eventually be promoted and be turned into a pawn of the criminal organization.

NARRATOR: In New York City...

on a street in the East Forties,
there's an ordinary tailor shop.

Or is it ordinary?

We entered through the agents' entrance
and we are now in U.N.C.L.E. headquarters.

That's the United Network
Command for Law and Enforcement.

U.N.C.L.E. is an organization
consisting of agents of all nationalities.

It's involved in maintaining political
and legal order anywhere in the world.

[GARBLED SPEECH OVER RADIO]

My name is Napoleon Solo.

I'm an enforcement
agent in Section Two here.

That's Operations
and Enforcement.



I am Illya Kuryakin. I am
also an enforcement agent.

Like my friend Napoleon, I go and I
do whatever I am told to by our chief.

Huh? Oh, yes. Alexander Waverly.

Number One in Section One.

In charge of this, our
New York headquarters.

It's from here that I send these
young men on their various missions.

I've just been cleared.
George Tenley, Section Two.

I'll vouch for
Mr. Tenley, Wanda.

Mr. Tenley, you're due in
Computer Process Data.

Miss McNabb, Room 9.

Mr. Waverly had to
leave for Washington.

He left a reminder
that you haven't

completed your report
on the January affair.

It was due yesterday.



Come in, Mr. Tenley.

Don't mind McNabb's bite, it's
her bark you have to watch out for.

Whatever that thing is, it seems
to turn mostly when it's attacked.

Just open the door
and let it go home.

Centuries ago samurai swordsmen
used to train with this block...

to develop quickness of
hand and sharpness of eye.

As an exercise, it
still has its points.

Well, since we don't get too many calls
to take on samurai warriors these days...

I'll just let you
specialize, all right?

[BEEPING]

Data Process.

ILLYA: It's just chloroform.

They're a fascinating
machine, I... I thought I'd just...

Forced me to...

I...

I...

I just thought I'd see if it had a
tilt light, like a pinball machine, I...

Green Opal...

Brach.

Green...

Stay back.

Please.

Green Opal...

Brach.

Green...

Is he dead or...?

ILLYA: No...

but he's not alive, either.

Insulin shock, electric
therapy, Adrenalin, Pentothol.

No change in the ECG, no
metabolic increase or toxic reaction.

It seems to narrow down to
a complete repressive block...

of the corteal nerve
paths to the medulla.

A total catatonic state.

Well, if there should be
any change, any response...

alert Interrogation,
Section Four.

We've run a checkout test and
resimulated the electronic tape pulses.

It was definitely just the one tape
he wanted to run an auto-destruct on.

All right, we know that
Tenley was trying to destroy...

the one file tape with his name
in it: Missing Persons. Explained.

But why? It's just
a technical listing...

because his position light
didn't show up in a scan...

when he was in
Greenland last year.

- Mental crackup?
- Or blackmail. Or both.

Well, it's a cinch that
Tenley can't tell us why.

- Or has he already told us?
- Play the tape again.

Play his final words.

TENLEY [ON TAPE]: I can't stop.

Kill me.

Green Opal...

[MOUTHS] Green Opal.

TENLEY: Brach...

Run a program code on
"Green Opal" right now, Heather.

HEATHER: This is the
Green Opal map reference...

but without the code
area key number.

How about Brach?

We don't have anything on
it as a code or a location...

but we do have a cross reference
as a name: Walter G. Brach.

That's Walter G.
Brach the financier.

He donated $5 million last year for a
study of the theory of reincarnation...

but he hoards
tinfoil and string.

Now, I'd say obviously we're
dealing with an eccentric.

What is the tie-in between
Green Opal and Brach, though?

Right here...

just south of the Yucatan
Peninsula on the Gulf of Honduras.

Mr. Brach has sailed there every
summer for the past 31 years.

Every year?

And always on the
9th of September.

That gives us two days before he
leaves again. It's almost too tight.

Ninth day, ninth month.

Nine, nine, nine.

Does he by any chance take
a numerologist along with him?

As a matter of fact, yes.

Who else besides the crew?

A physician, a masseur,
private male secretary.

You like taking
cruises on yachts?

But how do we get rid of
this secretary Brach has now?

Urgent family business.
Three-day virus.

What about the routine we
used on the Oldbury affair?

Arrange for Brach's secretary
to be witness to a crime.

Then we'll hold him as a material
witness in protective custody.

It's an ancient
but artful dodge.

Clear it with Mr. Waverly. If he okays it,
throw it at Security Operations Section.

And alert your Personality Induction
crew for an emergency run-through.

Well, the application
should fool them.

So...

you're the new secretary
the agency sent?

Yes, sir. My name
is Applegate, Edward.

My references.

Five years with Selden and
Company, eh? Why did you quit?

SOLO: I didn't agree
with Mr. Selden's policies.

Come on, Chuke, harder, harder.

What makes you think
you'd agree with me?

I understood this was to be temporary,
until your permanent secretary returns.

Yes.

Well, since it is temporary, I'm
not going to pay this sort of wage.

I'll give you 300 a month...

less expenses for
wastage and breakage.

And I expect a day's work...

for a day's pay.

[BRACH LAUGHING]

Well, I am certain that you will find my
work entirely efficient and adaptable, sir.

Dated the 6th.

Ninth month, 6th day.
The root factor is three.

Dated the 5th.

No. Scorpio is unfavorable.

Are you a tippler?

- Of course not, sir.
- What about women? Are you a chaser?

Mr. Brach.

- What are you giving me?
- Cabbage juice and your pressed kelp, sir.

- All right, you'll do.
- Well, thank you.

We cast off at 1600, Applegate.

Alert the crew to make
all preparations for leaving.

Show him to his quarters, Chuke.

There are sharks in this inlet.

Of course, their components
have marvelous nutritional value.

The soldiers throw
raw meat out daily.

The sharks have learned to come
in close during regular feeding hours.

Careful. They expect their
meal within the next half hour.

Ah.

Pay that one 100
and mark it down.

But I am now a
colonel, Mr. Brach.

Oh, well, we'll raise your bribe
when they've made you a general.

Just see to it that your
people don't troop up here.

I don't want my shoes shined...

I don't wanna buy any
hand-painted shawls...

and I don't want to pass out
any hard currency to beggars.

Have that jetty washed down
thoroughly in disinfectant.

Chuke, cut open that shark.
I want the spleen pulverized.

And you can have the liver.

[BRACH CHUCKLING]

Now, what's the matter with you?

Oh, I'm getting a little
sick here, I'm afraid.

Get back away from me,
you might have germs.

Cover up your mouth.

It is time for you to
inspect the harvest, sir.

Yes, all right. You go back aboard
that scow and wait till we return.

But I expect you
to make up the time.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course, sir.

Do you think it would be
possible if one of the crewmen...

could take me back to
the yacht anchorage?

No, it's an unnecessary trip.
We'll be back within two hours.

All right, Chuke, never mind
that. Come on, come on, let's go.

SOLO: Yes.
- Come on.

[BEEPING]

SOLO [OVER RADIO]: Open Channel D.
- Channel D open.

Enjoy your cruise,
Mr. Applegate?

- I didn't catch a single fish yet.
- Maybe you're using the wrong bait.

Well, so far, Uncle Walter seems to
be just a kindly old maladjusted kook.

Be careful, Mr. Applegate, U.N.C.L.E.
thinks you're in very dangerous waters.

Oh?

Tenley's final words
were "Walter G. Brach."

Tenley's final words?

He's dead and Brach
is very much alive.

Yes.

Don't touch me. If you try to drag
me back there, I'll use this. I will.

Allow me to introduce
myself. I'm Napoleon Solo.

Don't touch me. I will!

[ANIMAL ROARING]

[CHEETAHS GROWLING]

[CHRIS WHIMPERING]

[CHRIS GASPING]

Don't move and
don't make a sound.

Do what I tell you or you'll take
your chances with the cheetahs.

All right?

Now, these are Sinisal leaves.

Rub them all over yourself, on your face,
on your hands, everywhere. Go ahead.

That's it. Here. It
will kill the scent.

All right. This is fern mold.

The Baroness Kornfeldt has
it imported for her mud packs.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

[CHEETAHS GROWLING]

All right, come on.

Come on.

[GROWLING]

They'll follow my trail back to
the boat, then they'll be back.

I'm not going to take another step
until you tell me where we're going.

To whoever or whatever or
wherever you just came from.

Back? I will not.

All right. You can stay
right here and wait for me.

I don't think that there are too
many poisonous snakes around...

especially because
of the alligators.

And there aren't any
insects out until nighttime.

- You're just going to have to trust me.
- Who are you?

I'm an agent for an
organization known as U.N.C.L.E.

That's all I can
tell you right now.

Next question is, who are you?

I'm Chris Brinel. But I don't
know how I got here or why.

- They must have kidnapped me.
- They?

I don't know who they were.

Someone talking in
a dream, a nightmare.

They wanted you for something.

Blackmail? Ransom? What?

I don't know. Until yesterday
I was just a housewife.

Just an ordinary housewife...

in a suburb full of housewives
in Bethesda, Maryland.

The last thing I remember was I
was shopping in a supermarket.

I was shopping...

David.

David?

My husband.

And then suddenly everything went
black and the next thing I knew I was here.

[SNARLING]

Come on.

All right, head
out there. Hurry.

[ROARS]

And the two little kittens found
their mittens And soon ate up the pie.

[CHUKE GRUNTING]

Ooh. Come on.

[CHEETAHS ROARING]

Ah. I've been waiting
impatiently to see you.

[CHUCKLING]

Careful!

Especially since we provided
Mrs. Brinel as your guide.

Welcome, Napoleon Solo.

Well, I'm a bit surprised
that you know my name.

Oh, we picked it out of the yellow
pages of U.N.C.L.E.'s directory.

Steady, Chuke. He tends
to become agitated at times.

You see, you forced him to
kill two of my favorite cheetahs.

I'm sorry.

Those Indians are very
accurate with their blowguns.

The darts are tipped
with a synthetic curare...

that would render you
intractable instantly.

See, I've no intention of killing
you. I could have done that any time.

So you mean if there
is a choice, it's yours.

Oh, yes, I always see to that.

Well, not this time. You
see, I can kill you first.

Mr. Solo, if you'll
examine that gun...

you'll find that the firing pin is canted
exactly one sixty-fourth of an inch.

It won't fire.

[SOLO CLEARS THROAT]

Well, I did examine it
and I reset the firing pin...

exactly one
sixty-fourth of an inch.

You're bluffing.

Try me.

I think...

I'll call it.

[GUN CLICKS]

I'm bluffing.

Ah!

[GUN CLICKING]

Yeah.

I feel like I fell on a cactus.

One of those Indians
shot a dart at you.

How did I react?

Like a robot.

- Did he ask me any question?
- No.

That comes later, I guess.

What are we going to do?

Well, about the only
thing we can do, I guess.

Wait.

I keep telling myself that
this is all a terrible nightmare...

and I'm gonna wake up in my own
house and everything will be just fine.

Chris, let's try and figure
out what happened to you.

I don't know.

Well, the last thing that you
said that you remembered...

was shopping in the local supermarket
in Bethesda, Maryland. Right?

That's right. I was planning
a trip to New York to see...

To see my mother.

I wanted to make sure there was
enough food in the house for David.

Any particular reason you
were going to see your mother?

Yes.

I was leaving my husband.

Oh. Why?

I don't think that's
any of your business.

If we spend any
time arguing here...

there's a good possibility they may take
away our heads and never give them back.

I'm sorry.

It was only a trial separation.

I wanted to go away and
think things over for a while.

You see, when David
and I were first married...

about four years
ago last March...

he was in grad school at M.I.T.

Oh, he's an engineer?

Yes. He's a space
engineer with AEB.

Oh, yeah. Amalgamated
Electronics Business in Washington.

- That's right.
- Well, was he in an important position?

David? No, I'm
afraid not, Mr. Solo.

You see, David
is a very sad case.

He's a borderline
genius in science.

If he ever really tried...

he could be one of the most
important men in Washington.

In the whole world
for that matter.

Except in David's strange little
world, "ambition" is a dirty word.

I love him very much.

But I just can't... I
can't live with a man...

and watch him slowly destroy
himself and a wonderful career.

Well, does he want to
get out of the profession?

Yes. I think he'd rather be a Little
League umpire than Albert Einstein.

SOLO: Well, I see that
the cruise social director...

is announcing games
on the main deck.

Tell me, Chuke. What's a nice ghoul
like you doing in a place like this?

Well, good afternoon, Mr. Solo.
I trust you enjoyed your rest.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I did, with
the help of your tranquilizer, thank you.

You're welcome.

Are we about to have a guided
tour of your chamber of horrors?

Yes. No doubt the questions in
your mind are what, why and how, eh?

Well, shall we clear
away the puzzlement?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
that would be very kind.

Come on, Chuke.

Now, then, this is where
our subjects are oriented...

during the two days
that they are missing.

It's what I believe you people
call in U.N.C.L.E., "a cover."

Now, this man has passed
through all our standard procedures.

He's undergoing his final test.

He's not aware of us or anybody
else. He's obviously been conditioned.

BRACH: This man behind
the glass is Mr. Carver.

He's a technician with
Neutron Force Incorporated.

He'll be back at his
job in a couple of days.

His drive toward gambling
would've interfered with his rise...

to the very highest
position in the company.

But now, you see, that compulsive
urge is being satisfied, being removed.

And now he'll achieve
rapid advancement.

To the point where he
can be of some use to us.

Operative, so to speak.

Well, how did you happen
to slip up with Tenley?

Oh, we didn't slip up
with Tenley, Mr. Solo.

Mr. Tenley was simply the bait.

You're the catch.

Tenley was conditioned to break
down at a prearranged moment...

to provide U.N.C.L.E.
with provocative clues.

So that you, Mr. Solo,
would swallow that bait.

Now...

over here we have Mr. Kanu.

Mr. Kanu is a Nigerian.

He's an outstanding humanitarian,
a graduate student at Oxford.

One day he'll be an important
figure in his government.

At the moment, he believes he
was beaten into unconsciousness...

by a gang of Teddy
boys in London.

So we're going to send Mr. Kanu
back to his native country...

with a fine subconscious
hatred of beloved England.

Now...

here we have Comrade Czykowzki.

He thinks he's being detained
by American intelligence officers...

interrogated.

Oh, naturally he's
told them nothing.

He'll be allowed to escape
through a very clever maneuver.

When he gets back to
Warsaw, he'll be promoted.

So you see, Mr. Solo...

each one has been chosen with
an eye to intelligence, fitness...

and above all, ambition.

When one of them reaches
a specified career level...

he'll suddenly discover in
himself an unshakable loyalty...

to a certain organization.

And would that be Thrush?

Thrush is an organization that believes
the world should have a two-party system:

The masters and the slaves.

Wouldn't you say that
was right, Mr. Brach?

Very nicely put, Mr. Solo.

And Dr. Shtallmacher here is
in charge of the brainwashing?

No. No!

Something more
delicate, more precise.

Brain alteration.

It's my own method involving an
exact resectioning of nerve patterns.

- How's that for ambition, Chris?
- Horrible.

Neither horrible or painful, my dear.
I've undergone the operation myself.

Everyone in this house except
me has been operated upon.

SHTALLMACHER: There is absolutely
no pain, no scarring, no external bleeding.

- My technique has nothing...
- Oh, come, come, come, doctor.

After all, these people won't
remember either you or your operation.

Chuke, back, back, back.

Mrs. Karda!

Why did you choose me?

Please.

I'm just an ordinary housewife.

I can't even drive a car
without an automatic shift.

Well, what do you want me for?

Oh, give her something to calm
her nerves, will you, Mrs. Karda?

No. No.

No! No! No!

No!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

- Why can't he move?
- Oh, don't be alarmed, Mrs. Brinel.

The voltage was regulated
only to punish him a bit.

You know, Napoleon Solo was an
ingenious choice on the part of Thrush.

Someday, he'll become,
undoubtedly, top director...

for all sections of
U.N.C.L.E. and Thrush.

But why me?

Please, why?

Well, I'll tell you, Mrs. Brinel, Thrush
is very anxious to penetrate AEB.

Particularly in regard to its space
program, which is your husband's field.

Yes, but my husband's not one
of the top men in the program.

No, unfortunately not.

But you could supply the
drive and the ambition...

that could absolutely make him.

He's a very gifted scientist.

You will supply the ambition.

You'll give him the drive...

and because he loves you,
he'll accede to your needs.

And then he'll
become our animal.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Brinel.

It'll all seem perfectly natural
and proper after the operation.

Mrs. Karda, go get me my lunch.

You'll feel much better,
Mr. Solo, after a healthy lunch.

Give him something, Mrs. Karda.

A health cocktail
of raw reptile juice.

Actually, I'm not
hungry. Thank you.

Turn up the voltage
in that lamp, Chuke.

Oh, and by the way, Mr. Solo, I've
had the voltage turned up in that fence.

So I wouldn't advise another
attempt, it might kill you this time.

I'll keep that in mind.

[LAUGHS]

You have a fine,
cunning mind, Mr. Solo.

Thank you. And I'd
like to keep it that way.

Well, I'm afraid we're going to have to
tamper with it just a little bit, Mr. Solo.

After that you'll solve
this case for U.N.C.L.E...

you will capture the person
responsible for killing Mr. Tenley...

and a number of other crimes.

You'll take this person
back and he'll confess

to everything, if you
know what I mean.

And then you'll kill him
when he attempts to escape.

We wouldn't want U.N.C.L.E. to
keep him under observation too long.

And whom do I get
to take back with me?

Old Chuke?

No, no, no. Good boy, good boy.

You know, I'm really
very fond of Chuke...

but, yes, I'm afraid you're
right. He is expendable.

SOLO: And I wonder
how pleased Chuke will be.

BRACH: Oh, quite pleased.

His brain has been adjusted by
operation like everyone else's here.

He can't help doing exactly as I tell
him. Isn't that right, Dr. Shtallmacher?

Everyone here has had the operation,
and everyone obeys without question.

BRACH: And so will
you in due time, Mr. Solo.

Hm. And all the politicians...

military officers and
scientists and diplomats...

and all the human time capsules
you have set up all over the world.

Yes, that's very good.

Time capsules. Yes.

Waiting to explode at
the command of Thrush.

Oh, don't be afraid.
Don't be afraid.

Simply a repressive
to prepare you.

- The same stuff the Indian used on me?
- Exactly.

Mrs. Brinel, your arm.

[SCREAMS]

- Take care of Mrs. Karda.
- What?

SOLO: All right,
take me first, doctor.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

Guards.

Guards, help! Aah!

All right, order them to open
up the gate and let us go.

- No.
- Understand, tell them. Tell them.

Open the gate. Let them go.

SOLO: Tell them
not to follow us.

Don't follow them.

- Come on.
- Oh, please can we stop?

Just for a minute.
They'll be after us soon.

That drug has probably
worn off Brach by now.

What is it in this world that
makes a man like Brach?

I don't know.

Sometimes it starts with a
very sincere driving ambition.

Some people find other values.

My grandfather, for instance.

He was a brilliant lawyer
in a small country town.

He got many lucrative
offers from Wall Street...

government agencies,
big corporations.

But he had only
one goal in life.

That was to go quail
hunting every September.

And I thought that he
was a very successful man.

- Because he went quail hunting?
- Yeah.

And because he used to
stop by the side of the road...

and smell the
flowers along the way.

Come on, we better get going.

SOLO: Looks like our
guests have arrived early.

CHRIS: What do we do now?

Well, we better find
another approach.

[SOLO CHUCKLES]

Good day, Mr. Solo.

Well, nice to see you again, colonel.
As a matter of fact, I was just saying...

Mr. Solo, move. Mr. Brach
is becoming impatient.

I'm sorry, Mr. Solo,
but you simply can't go.

You haven't seen
Dr. Shtallmacher yet.

- Sorry, it slipped my mind.
- Get into the car, please.

I'm afraid we have a
new problem to resolve.

A new problem?

After my operation...

who am I to take back with me
now that Chuke has been eliminated?

Oh. Well, I could say Dr. Shtallmacher
but he's still too valuable to us.

I'm afraid that leaves
only Mrs. Karda here.

Now, you wouldn't want me to capture
someone and just kill them, would you?

Yes, it will be Mrs. Karda.

Oh, I'm sorry, my dear, but you
understand I really don't have any choice.

After I've taken her prisoner at
what point do I kill her exactly?

Your newly adjusted brain
will dictate that, Mr. Solo.

Well, you don't have any
diabolical plan, do you?

Like a long, slow,
painful death.

Come, you're trying my patience
so I might become irrational...

and throw you to those
very hungry sharks out there.

You'll merely put
a bullet in her brain.

Take me to my car, please.

To my car, please.

Take me to the car!

No, don't go this way. Stop it!

Stop it!

[SIGHS]

His charts were very bad today.
Pisces was in a terrible position.

I would say that that was
rather disloyal of you, Mrs. Karda.

Or perhaps the brain
operation didn't take on you.

Dr. Shtallmacher
spared me the operation.

I convinced him it
was unnecessary.

- That must have taken some convincing.
- Not really.

All right, I'll accept that.

Would you care to join us on
a cruise back to U.N.C.L.E.?

- What cruise, Mr. Solo?
SOLO: Here we go again.

Colonel, I'm a little short of cash
here, would you take a check?

- Can't I just call David?
- It won't be much longer.

Is the debriefing of
Brach's list all finished?

Not by half, it's an
astonishing list of names.

Scientists, lawyers,
writers, even a congressman.

Oh. I think we're clear with you
now, Mrs. Brinel. You can go home.

Except for one proviso.

You can't reveal anything
of what's happened to you.

Not even to your husband.

Since he's received a note
explaining your absence...

as going to think through your marriage, it
would be best if you stuck to that cover.

But that's exactly
what I have done...

gone away for two days to
think through my marriage.

- And come to a decision?
- Yes.

I'm ready to go
wherever he goes.

I'm even going to tell him
about your grandfather.

And if David wants to live in a
small college town, quail hunting...

or even umpiring Little League
games, that's just fine by me too.

- Thank you, Napoleon.
- Thank you, Mrs. Brinel.

And don't forget to smell
the flowers along the way.

About that grandfather
of yours she mentioned.

According to your records,
one was an admiral...

the other was an ambassador.

Hm. Strange. Perhaps there
was another grandfather.

Or uncle.

[ENGLISH SDH]