The Magicians (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 12 - Ramifications - full transcript
Alice and her shade are reassembled. Julia and Kady are determined to draw out Reynard. Elliot and Quentin are determined to return back to Fillory. Penny searches for a book.
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- Previously on
"The Magicians"...
- Hey, can you help me
find some information?
- What are you looking for?
- Well, say a... a being with
an enormous amount of power.
I'm looking for how someone
might, you know, defeat them.
- "The art of killing gods."
You weren't on the poison room?
- Believe me,
I wanna get in there.
It's... it's above my pay grade.
- Penny, Silvia.
- You really don't need my help?
- With what?
- Trying to break into
the poison room.
- I am telling you the truth
because you are the one I trust,
and I really just need
your support right now.
- I controlled their minds.
- Of course, honey.
- Just like you have,
many, many times.
- They said they were
just trying to summon
a little help
from some kind of god.
- They were summoning
an evil bitch.
The benevolent
our lady underground.
It is all about her.
Grinding men men and gods
into the fucking dirt,
and then she leaves!
- That's miss Persephone.
- That's our lady underground.
- Julia, why do you look
like a 12-year-old?
- Because I'm her shade.
- Shades go to the underworld.
- Alice.
- Quentin.
- I missed you so much.
- Is there any way
we can take her with us?
- Jules, what the hell?
- I know.
This is my one shot,
and this is what
I want to do with it.
- No one has ever brought
niffin back to life.
Many try, but all...
- We have something that
no one else has ever had.
We have Alice's shade.
The meta-math has never
added up before,
but with this...
- Still tremendously bad idea.
- Fine, fuck him.
He won't help us.
We'll take it to Dean Fogg.
- With one morning fart,
I release more magic
than Henry Fogg has
in his whole life.
- But you can't
get it up for this?
- No, you can't.
- I won't.
The energy we would need would
take a hundred master magicians.
- That's a battery.
That holds magical current.
That is the biggest one
that I've ever seen.
How many of those do you have?
- Not enough to spare.
Took years to make,
and I need it.
- No.
- What's more important
than a life?
- You talk like life
means something.
- If it doesn't,
then what's the point?
This is what magic is for.
- Boldly spoken for a student
who lacked the balls
to control a flea.
- Look, I survived your abuse,
and I got off my ass,
and I went
into the goddamn world.
What have you done?
You...
You've sat around and drank.
- Fuck you.
- No, fuck you.
Do you know why Alice
went to Brakebills?
To find out what happened
to her brother.
What happened was his friend
Emily had the bad sense
to fall in love with you,
and it destroyed her.
And when he tried to help,
it turned him into a niffin.
Now tell me that you hold
zero responsibility for that.
You can't erase any of that,
but you can help Alice.
You can help Alice now.
- You look worried.
- Just thinking about Alice.
She's gonna be
really pissed at me.
- Yeah, but when she has
her shade back, she'll get it.
Trust me.
Um... Speaking of shades,
since this is probably
the last time I'm going
to have one...
- Look, you do not
have to do this.
- Yes, I do.
You're a good friend,
better one than I deserve.
- Not true.
- Blah, blah, feelings bullshit.
Let's begin.
First we separate shade,
which will pull niffin here.
- You memorize?
- Yeah.
- You can handle it?
- Yes.
- I'm going to fix you,
but I just have to lock you
in here for a minute, okay?
- Thank you.
- Julia, lock the cage.
- She's coming.
Quentin!
I'll burn you alive for this!
- When you're ready, Coldwater.
- It's gonna be okay.
- Please, please,
Quentin, don't.
Hey.
I brought you some clothes
if you, um...
Okay.
Why don't I go
get you some food?
You haven't eaten in, um...
Mayakovsky said to start
with really bland food,
so I thought oatmeal.
- Why?
- Why bland food?
- Or why...
Why did I bring you back?
- Mm.
- I couldn't
leave you like that.
Alice.
- Fuck you.
- So, the poison room.
The code to the door
changes every couple hours.
The door itself
is warded, alarmed.
- And don't forget
booby-trapped.
So instead of going through
the magical dismemberment door,
let's go through the back way.
That door isn't just a door.
It's a portal to another world.
That's where the poison room is.
- So if we find
the right fountain...?
- We can walk right in.
I heard a couple librarians
whispering about it.
The poison room fountain has
a stack of books for a statue.
If we split up,
we could probably find it
within a matter of weeks.
- Weeks?
- No, no, no, I got this.
Think hours.
- What makes you so cocky?
- 'Cause I'm a traveler.
And, for once, it's not
totally fucking me.
- It is customary to bow in
the presence of your high king.
- I... wh...
- How are you here?
- I think, and by that,
I mean I'm absolutely certain,
that I was banished.
Had to be.
So in the books, Ember and umber
before Martin offed him,
they did this to the Chatwins
all the time, right?
- Mm-hmm, um, yeah.
When their adventure
was done, or...
- Or what, Q?
My pregnant wife
is locked up in fairy Gitmo.
I'm betrothed to a rat.
My pinot noir grapes
are nearly ripe.
My adventure's just begun, so
why else would Ember banish me?
Because I'm a fuck up.
That's it.
So the button.
Gimme.
- Uh, about that, um,
we kind of bargained it away
to a dragon in exchange
for tickets to the underworld.
- You gave our only means
of traveling to Fillory
to fucking Trogdor?
Oh.
- Both the high king and queen
have vanished,
leaving you the only
child of earth in Fillory.
- Oh, my god.
They were my ride home.
- Um, yes, also
it makes you high king.
You can go to the rainbow bridge
to be crowned.
Meh, let's skip the ceremony.
- On to business, then.
Half the court are still rats.
The talking beavers
are in revolt.
They're demanding
dental coverage.
- And the measly mountains,
they've disappeared.
Completely just...
Stop!
The thrones are cursed.
- Okay, is anything not fucked?
- Your high kingliness, perhaps
this is all too much for you.
- There was a great king
on earth who had a philosophy:
"Hakuna matata."
Roughly translated,
it means, "no worries."
That's my philosophy too.
Who gives a shit
about a few measly mountains?
- But...
- Erase them.
Bring in the talking rats
to translate for the rat people,
and we are giving
all those beavers braces
because they deserve it.
Say it, tick.
- Hakuna matata.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- I'm sorry.
I got my shade back.
And then I lost it
again for good,
but I also discovered
that I don't have to be
like the beast.
With the right help,
I can do good.
I just have a chip missing.
- What do you want
from me, Julia?
- To be the missing chip.
Tell me when
to tap on the brakes.
- Tap?
- Slam on them.
I trust you.
I need you.
Shit.
Okay, we can try it.
The thing is, I think I kind of
need you too right now.
There's something
you need to know.
- Does Reynard
know that you're here?
- No.
- Okay, that's good.
It's important that
we keep up appearances.
- I know.
- I've seen what he can do
when he's angry.
- John,
tell her what you told me
about our lady underground.
- Reynard's obsessed with her.
I think they were lovers,
but she left him.
Everything that he's done
to her followers, to you...
- it's not random.
- It's to get back at her.
- Yeah.
- Holy shit.
- Persephone is
our lady underground.
- I saw her icons
when I was down there.
Maybe we can use her
to lure Reynard.
- Didn't you just say
that she disappeared?
- Well, we just need
to make Reynard believe
that it's her.
If he thinks that she's here,
he'll come.
- Well, okay, and then?
We still don't have a weapon.
- We have him.
- What do you...?
- No, no, no,
we are not killing you
for your power, John.
- That's insane.
- Agreed.
Off the table.
What we are gonna do
is teach you magic.
- I'm not a magician.
- No, you're more,
which is why it should be
easy for you to learn.
I mean, we don't have the juice
to take Reynard on, but you do.
- Can you tell me again
what the dragon said?
- You know Mayakovsky banned me
from seeing Alice for 48 hours?
He said that I am upsetting her.
- Well, he's not exactly wrong.
- Trying to help.
- You did.
- Now maybe you can help
- by letting it run its course.
- What if she...?
- Q, the greatest magician
on earth is watching her.
I know Mayakovsky can be
a massive asshole,
but he's not gonna actually
let anything happen to her,
not after what it cost him
to bring her back.
All right, let's do that.
I know it's hard right now,
but it's gonna be okay.
I think.
Now will you please tell me
what puff the magic dragon
said to you?
- "The first portal
is still open."
I thought that might mean
Stonehenge.
The kids go there in book three.
- How many times
was that portal open?
- Once.
It's always
some new, unexpected...
Except the first one
that they used.
- They went back and forth
through that clock
all summer, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Until their mother died
and their uncle
sold all their stuff.
- Um, I think I saw it.
At my Yale interview.
It was the same one
as the one on the cover.
I mean, the guy died.
They... they probably sold it off,
but what if, um,
what if the clock I saw
was the clock?
- Why the fuck are you taking
a nap instead of looking for me?
- Margo?
I-I thought you were banished.
- No, dumb-ass, I'm stuck
in the fairy realm.
How can I see you?
- Oh, shit, she must've
mixed in the wrong strain.
We wanted
"bang like happy pandas,"
not "see other worlds."
Never let an amateur
pack your bong, okay?
- Listen, dipshit,
you have to find Rafe,
the squirrely little prick
who works for the sloth.
He got me here.
He can get me back.
- You could say "please."
- No, I literally could not.
I'm gonna go find fen.
You find a goddamn way
to get me back.
- Okay.
- Pretty sure this is it.
- Book statue.
Not the most imaginative,
those librarians.
- Yeah, but not stupid.
- Look at this cover.
And locked.
I've never seen
anything like this.
- Six-stage vermel
anti-tampering enchantment.
I can crack it.
- Pretty varsity...
For a kid.
- My dad's a good teacher.
- All right,
so who pissed him off?
You're going to a lot of trouble
to get at some of the most
powerful battle magic
in the universe.
Somebody's about to
have a bad day.
- I know it's hard for men
to imagine women
having their own reasons
for doing anything,
but I'm looking for my own book.
I've been hidden away
in a library for the last year.
No TV, no Wi-Fi,
had to find some way
to entertain myself, so
I started reading Kanye's book.
By the way,
he's really misunderstood.
Anyway, right in the middle
of a sex scene,
the book just stopped.
- Kanye dies during sex?
- That's the weird part.
There were 20 more pages,
all blank.
It's a glitch, right?
But then, every other book
I checked of somebody alive
right now
ends in 20 blank pages.
The order's known about it
for years... they call it
the great blank spot, some kind
of cataclysmic badness.
- Well, what causes it?
- They don't know,
just that it happens soon,
like, weeks.
- How is reading
your book gonna help?
- Something happens
that affects the library,
it'll be in a librarian's book,
but right now,
they're moving
all the librarians' books
to the poison room,
including mine.
The order thinks that
once your book is written,
your fate is sealed.
- Well, I've never seen
a book be wrong.
- You?
- No, but I saw them
reshelve your book 39 times.
Time loops exist,
then I'm team Sarah Connor:
"No fate but what we make."
- Fine,
I'll grab your book for you.
- I can get it myself.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
you're not coming.
How are you gonna get back?
I can't travel anyone with me.
- Think this is my first time
fountain spelunking?
- Well, fountain didn't
drop us in a lava pit,
so we've got that going for us.
- When they named it
the poison room, how literal
do you think they were being?
- Let's just do this fast.
- Yeah.
- Coming in on the weekend.
Now, that is work ethic.
- I was hoping to run into you,
actually.
I, uh, have questions,
and I would appreciate
some fatherly guidance.
- I'd like that too.
Here.
It struck me that I've missed
a lot of birthdays.
Open it.
N... what is...?
- You went back to the witches.
- Where is she?
Where's my wife?
- Oh, here and there.
I saved you the biggest piece.
Are you still trying
to be a good person?
As if there is such a thing.
Left alone, you would fight
and fight against your nature.
And you would waste so much
of what you really are.
- If you think doing this
is going to turn me into you,
you don't understand
people at all.
- I've been at it a long time.
Well, look at Julia.
I put a tiny black spot
on her soul,
and she scrubbed at it so much
she put a hole in it.
She can never go back
to who she is.
Now...
Neither can you.
This is an investment
in our future, son.
Someday,
when you've embraced
what you really are,
you'll come find me.
- Can I help you?
- Hi, we're looking for a clock.
It belonged to my grandfather.
- The auction website,
it listed this address.
- Auction websites
don't do that.
- Ugh, fine.
We bribed the webmaster.
The clock's got a lot
of sentimental value, so.
- Sorry, there's no clock here.
- "The clock was an unremarkable
thing on its surface.
"To keep his mind off
the troubles of war and family,"
"Martin set out to repair
its inner workings,"
"and in place
of a mechanical heart..."
- "He found a new world."
That's my favorite chapter
in the book.
- Holy shit,
there are two of you.
- Don't touch that.
- Oh.
- Please, put that down.
- Sorry, okay.
- Is that...?
- A screenplay for the failed
1983 feature film adaptation.
- There was a "Fillory" movie?
- No, the studio wouldn't
pay for the talking bears,
so the director,
he quit in protest.
Can I?
- Yeah.
- Q, uh, I found Grampy's clock.
- Wait, they changed
the Chatwins...
- Skateboarding Americans.
I know, a travesty.
And they got Jane
completely wrong.
A girl that timid could never
grow up to be a watcherwoman.
- Okay, real talk, I'll give you
$1,000 for the clock.
- It's a collector's item.
- $20,000.
- It's not for sale.
- Wait, the books never said
who the watcherwoman is.
- Well, it's...
- It's not hard to deduce.
Anyone who's always wearing
a hood is clearly
a character you've met before.
- You know, don't you?
That it's all real.
You... you've been to Fillory.
Been to Fillory.
- Even in Fillory
the watcherwoman's identity
is a secret.
Who are you?
- Oh, my god, Q.
He has horns.
Like Ember, like,
just like Ember.
- What?
- Oh.
- Holy shit.
Umber?
- In the flesh.
- Are they in the eye of...
What even is that?
- Lightning storm, huge.
Happened every time Persephone
ascended from the underworld.
She used to come every spring.
Now, decades, no pattern,
no trace.
Except these modern accounts
show four storms stretch across
the entire swath
of Southern Europe,
and, smack in the center,
Murs, France.
- So we just need
to kick up a light storm,
- a few twisters.
- And Reynard will think
our lady is on earth.
He'll come running.
- Yeah.
Are you okay?
- I... I need a drink.
- How was spell practice?
- I can barely make a spark.
- I thought you said it'd be easy.
- You know, no pressure
or anything...
- do you ever think about
where you'd be if he hadn't...
- raped me?
No, I try to focus on who I was.
It's getting harder, though.
- Reynard thinks he broke you,
that there's no coming back
from what he did.
Do you think that's true?
- I hope not.
- Well, whatever happens,
don't let him be right.
I think you should
go get some pizza.
- Okay.
- Food run.
Listen, I wish we had time
to talk this through,
but ultimately,
I know you'd agree with me.
- What are you talking about?
Ahh, ahh, oh, my wards.
- I'm sorry.
- Why, why are you
doing this to me?
- After everything
Julia's been through,
I can't make her do this.
- Do what?
- This is very good.
Tea?
- I don't have time.
- Ah, brilliant,
the shortcut there...
- I don't have time.
I understood everything,
and now it's fading like a dream
that you woke me from.
Why can't I do magic?
- You're newborn again.
You must crawl then walk.
- How long?
- What's the rush?
- I'm stuck in this...
- This oily, disgusting cage,
and I... I can't even fucking see.
I can't do anything.
- On the contrary,
you're finally in a position
- to do something interesting.
- Fuck you, what do you know?
- I know, as niffin, you care
about nothing but your own mind,
so congratulations,
a perfect life
with zero meaning.
Now as human...
- humans are weak
pieces of shit.
- Do you know what magic is?
Energy capable of making
this shithole world
one fractional speck
less unbearable
because we shits
try so fucking hard,
and that... that is not weakness.
Believe me.
You don't like this world?
Good, you see its faults.
It gives you focus and solitude
to actually fix it.
Adderall, to fortify you.
Makes you write like Tolstoy.
Don't make face.
Drugs are fun.
- Hey, I wasn't sure
what kind you wanted,
so, I don't know, I...
Oh, my god.
- He made... he made me.
- What?
- He made me do the ritual.
Collect his... his power.
Oh, my god.
- Hey, you get yourself
cleaned up,
and I'll handle the rest, okay?
- There you are,
you son of a bitch.
Ah.
Sylvia, where are you?
Sylvia!
Sylvia, read it
when you get back.
We gotta go.
- You betrayed Ember.
- Well, I wouldn't call it that.
I just had no choice.
It was a matter of survival.
A condition of the agreement
I made with Martin Chatwin.
He had Fillory
booby-trapped to the gills.
He was about to fillet me.
- So you faked your own death,
and you moved to Vancouver?
- Well, if I had to
leave Fillory,
Canada was the obvious
second choice.
What is it that
you enjoy about Fillory?
- Uh... It reminds me of a time
before I realized
how shitty being an adult is.
- And there's opium in the air.
- And how do you feel
about turtles?
- Indifferent, I guess.
- Not a fan.
- Would you sleep easier
knowing that your entire world
rested on the back
of one or several?
- What... why are you asking?
- Because as visitors
to my previous work,
you make for an excellent
focus group for my new world.
It's something
I've been building.
Testing a few things out.
It's more of a pocket world,
really.
I call it Cuba.
- That's already a place.
- Is it?
- Yes.
- You're sure?
- Absolutely sure.
- Oh, damn it.
- Look, this is all
very interesting-ish,
but I have a kingdom to fix.
You were never
meant to fix Fillory.
- Of course I was.
- No, you were meant
to entertain
like some reality TV star.
Oh, Ember must've
found you so boring.
- Boring?
- Fillory was created out of
the unification of opposites.
Ember is a creature
of entropy and chaos...
- and you have every season
of "law & order" on DVD.
- The most perfect show
in creation.
When Ember and I were together,
there was balance.
Without me, chaos reigns.
Give up, children of earth.
Fillory cannot be ruled.
- Whoa.
Come on.
- Stop worrying about me.
- Fucking travel out already.
- Look, I will carry
your ass back by...
- you don't get it!
I don't make it
back to the rope.
My book didn't have
a blank spot.
- So what?
What happened to "there's
no fate but what we make"?
- If you carry me back,
you die too, penny.
I read it.
Leaving me is the only way
you have a chance.
- Penny.
- I got your book.
- What the hell?
Penny?
Oh, my...
Help!
- Give me good news, Rafe.
- Unfortunately, returning
from the fairy realm
is, uh, problematic.
All I have is this tincture
that takes you there.
- Why would I drink this?
Then I'm stuck there
with Margo, and you can't
get either of us out.
- Prince Ess of Loria,
your majesty.
- Where's my father?
- Hey, I don't think
we've formally met.
- Cut the shit.
I will tear this place apart
if I have to.
- So uh, funny story, uh,
your... your dad is actually
a rat person now.
- Do it.
- He's...
- break it down.
- Hakuna matata has failed me.
- It pains me, but I simply
cannot go back to Fillory.
- So you're just gonna let Ember
turn Fillory into a telenovela?
- Well, you don't understand
how he is.
He pitted animals
against each other
by offering only the sexiest
the ability to speak.
Centaurs?
Drunk off his chair, obviously.
When he gets snacky, he talks
about turning humans into rats.
- Holy shit.
Ember turned everybody
into rats.
- Oh, he finally did it.
That's been on his bucket list
for centuries.
- Ember cock-blocked me.
- You are a god of Fillory.
Why are you just sitting here
and letting your brother
shit all over it?
You let the beast happen.
You shut out a child
who needed shelter,
and when he became a monster,
you ran.
You hate chaos?
Then fix the chaos
that you created.
- You're right.
But some mistakes
cannot be repaired.
And from those,
we must move forward.
And I shall try
to avoid repeating
such mistakes in my new world.
- Fine...
Then give us the clock.
- Why do you care?
Fillory's on its last legs.
Everything you've said tells me
Ember is tired of the game.
He's likely to smash the place
like a toddler.
Trust me, that'll be it.
End of Fillory.
And don't get sentimental.
- We aren't ready
to walk away yet.
We know you still love Fillory.
You literally have
every memento to prove it.
If you can't fix it
or won't save it,
then let us try.
Please.
- You love Fillory.
- It's my home.
- Then the clock is yours,
your majesty.
But heed my warning.
Nothing entertains Ember more
than a whimsical death.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How's penny?
Still alive?
I could've worded that better.
- Yeah.
They cleared out
the whole infirmary.
Something about radiation.
- That can't be good.
- And not much I can do about it
right now.
- So you've got time.
Kill it with me killing Reynard.
Good news,
found a spell in here.
Turns metal objects
into god-piercing weapons.
And if it can
be anything, gun, right?
But it took everything John
gave us just to make one bullet.
- So we've got one shot.
- Fall back.
Don't inhale the... Smoke...
- oh, shit.
Luckily, I'm a pro.
Come on, come on.
Fen?
- Josh, you can see me?
- Fen!
- Josh, help me!
- Help me, please, hurry!
- Tick, tell my story.
- Well, this is it.
- The sign Reynard's
been waiting for.
Come on out, asshole.
Something feels so right about
tricking him with goddess omens.
- Amen.
Let's get scarce.
Let's go.
- I know you're here.
- There he is.
- The lightning, the wind...
Always were a drama queen.
- I can't get a clear shot.
- Go on the other side.
- I'll get you a clear shot.
- Kady!
- Hey!
- I should have known.
Where's Julia?
- Why don't you ask me
where John is?
- What did you do?
- Nothing he wasn't asking for.
Hated you so much,
he begged me to kill him.
- You bitch!
You liar!
- Kady, what...?
- It's you.
You ignored us,
and now you're here?
All of a sudden?
Why?
- To ask you to spare his life.
- I don't understand.
Why do you care?
- He's my son.
- Did you know
what he was doing?
Of course you did.
He raped me.
Your son.
I'd be sobbing
and telling you every detail,
but I lost my shade
in the abortion,
so you're just gonna have to
take my word for it.
- Let me deal with him.
- Why would I trust you?
- Come the fuck on, lady.
- There are consequences
to killing a god, Julia.
- I lost my friends.
- I lost everything.
He turned me into a monster.
- You're a survivor.
You're still capable of mercy,
Julia.
Don't let him rob you of that.
It's your choice.
- I am so disappointed
with what you've done.
- You left me.
- You left me.
- Well, I am back.
And it's time to go.
- No, no!
How could you do this after
everything we've been through?
I killed John for this.
- It was the right thing.
- How the hell
would you know that?
- Sorry, Kady.
- Our lady sent me.
- Hey, I'm sorry I hurt you.
I tried to do the right thing.
But I'm not sorry
that you're alive,
and maybe that makes me selfish,
but I...
The world's a better place
when you're in it.
Say the word, and I'll stay.
If you want me to leave you
alone for a while
and figure this out on your own,
I mean, let's face it.
There's probably nothing
that you can't figure out.
You are Alice Quinn.
- Okay, so the plan so far is,
find a way to stay in Fillory
and never get banished again.
Find a way to stop Ember or
drive him out or, I don't know,
anything but letting him
get so bored he decides
to just shake the etch a sketch
and end our kingdom,
everyone I care about, and
the well spring in the process.
So, thoughts?
- You're talking about
conquering Fillory.
- For its own good.
- Your plan is the exact same
as the beast's was.
- Shit.
Do you got a better idea?
---
- Previously on
"The Magicians"...
- Hey, can you help me
find some information?
- What are you looking for?
- Well, say a... a being with
an enormous amount of power.
I'm looking for how someone
might, you know, defeat them.
- "The art of killing gods."
You weren't on the poison room?
- Believe me,
I wanna get in there.
It's... it's above my pay grade.
- Penny, Silvia.
- You really don't need my help?
- With what?
- Trying to break into
the poison room.
- I am telling you the truth
because you are the one I trust,
and I really just need
your support right now.
- I controlled their minds.
- Of course, honey.
- Just like you have,
many, many times.
- They said they were
just trying to summon
a little help
from some kind of god.
- They were summoning
an evil bitch.
The benevolent
our lady underground.
It is all about her.
Grinding men men and gods
into the fucking dirt,
and then she leaves!
- That's miss Persephone.
- That's our lady underground.
- Julia, why do you look
like a 12-year-old?
- Because I'm her shade.
- Shades go to the underworld.
- Alice.
- Quentin.
- I missed you so much.
- Is there any way
we can take her with us?
- Jules, what the hell?
- I know.
This is my one shot,
and this is what
I want to do with it.
- No one has ever brought
niffin back to life.
Many try, but all...
- We have something that
no one else has ever had.
We have Alice's shade.
The meta-math has never
added up before,
but with this...
- Still tremendously bad idea.
- Fine, fuck him.
He won't help us.
We'll take it to Dean Fogg.
- With one morning fart,
I release more magic
than Henry Fogg has
in his whole life.
- But you can't
get it up for this?
- No, you can't.
- I won't.
The energy we would need would
take a hundred master magicians.
- That's a battery.
That holds magical current.
That is the biggest one
that I've ever seen.
How many of those do you have?
- Not enough to spare.
Took years to make,
and I need it.
- No.
- What's more important
than a life?
- You talk like life
means something.
- If it doesn't,
then what's the point?
This is what magic is for.
- Boldly spoken for a student
who lacked the balls
to control a flea.
- Look, I survived your abuse,
and I got off my ass,
and I went
into the goddamn world.
What have you done?
You...
You've sat around and drank.
- Fuck you.
- No, fuck you.
Do you know why Alice
went to Brakebills?
To find out what happened
to her brother.
What happened was his friend
Emily had the bad sense
to fall in love with you,
and it destroyed her.
And when he tried to help,
it turned him into a niffin.
Now tell me that you hold
zero responsibility for that.
You can't erase any of that,
but you can help Alice.
You can help Alice now.
- You look worried.
- Just thinking about Alice.
She's gonna be
really pissed at me.
- Yeah, but when she has
her shade back, she'll get it.
Trust me.
Um... Speaking of shades,
since this is probably
the last time I'm going
to have one...
- Look, you do not
have to do this.
- Yes, I do.
You're a good friend,
better one than I deserve.
- Not true.
- Blah, blah, feelings bullshit.
Let's begin.
First we separate shade,
which will pull niffin here.
- You memorize?
- Yeah.
- You can handle it?
- Yes.
- I'm going to fix you,
but I just have to lock you
in here for a minute, okay?
- Thank you.
- Julia, lock the cage.
- She's coming.
Quentin!
I'll burn you alive for this!
- When you're ready, Coldwater.
- It's gonna be okay.
- Please, please,
Quentin, don't.
Hey.
I brought you some clothes
if you, um...
Okay.
Why don't I go
get you some food?
You haven't eaten in, um...
Mayakovsky said to start
with really bland food,
so I thought oatmeal.
- Why?
- Why bland food?
- Or why...
Why did I bring you back?
- Mm.
- I couldn't
leave you like that.
Alice.
- Fuck you.
- So, the poison room.
The code to the door
changes every couple hours.
The door itself
is warded, alarmed.
- And don't forget
booby-trapped.
So instead of going through
the magical dismemberment door,
let's go through the back way.
That door isn't just a door.
It's a portal to another world.
That's where the poison room is.
- So if we find
the right fountain...?
- We can walk right in.
I heard a couple librarians
whispering about it.
The poison room fountain has
a stack of books for a statue.
If we split up,
we could probably find it
within a matter of weeks.
- Weeks?
- No, no, no, I got this.
Think hours.
- What makes you so cocky?
- 'Cause I'm a traveler.
And, for once, it's not
totally fucking me.
- It is customary to bow in
the presence of your high king.
- I... wh...
- How are you here?
- I think, and by that,
I mean I'm absolutely certain,
that I was banished.
Had to be.
So in the books, Ember and umber
before Martin offed him,
they did this to the Chatwins
all the time, right?
- Mm-hmm, um, yeah.
When their adventure
was done, or...
- Or what, Q?
My pregnant wife
is locked up in fairy Gitmo.
I'm betrothed to a rat.
My pinot noir grapes
are nearly ripe.
My adventure's just begun, so
why else would Ember banish me?
Because I'm a fuck up.
That's it.
So the button.
Gimme.
- Uh, about that, um,
we kind of bargained it away
to a dragon in exchange
for tickets to the underworld.
- You gave our only means
of traveling to Fillory
to fucking Trogdor?
Oh.
- Both the high king and queen
have vanished,
leaving you the only
child of earth in Fillory.
- Oh, my god.
They were my ride home.
- Um, yes, also
it makes you high king.
You can go to the rainbow bridge
to be crowned.
Meh, let's skip the ceremony.
- On to business, then.
Half the court are still rats.
The talking beavers
are in revolt.
They're demanding
dental coverage.
- And the measly mountains,
they've disappeared.
Completely just...
Stop!
The thrones are cursed.
- Okay, is anything not fucked?
- Your high kingliness, perhaps
this is all too much for you.
- There was a great king
on earth who had a philosophy:
"Hakuna matata."
Roughly translated,
it means, "no worries."
That's my philosophy too.
Who gives a shit
about a few measly mountains?
- But...
- Erase them.
Bring in the talking rats
to translate for the rat people,
and we are giving
all those beavers braces
because they deserve it.
Say it, tick.
- Hakuna matata.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- I'm sorry.
I got my shade back.
And then I lost it
again for good,
but I also discovered
that I don't have to be
like the beast.
With the right help,
I can do good.
I just have a chip missing.
- What do you want
from me, Julia?
- To be the missing chip.
Tell me when
to tap on the brakes.
- Tap?
- Slam on them.
I trust you.
I need you.
Shit.
Okay, we can try it.
The thing is, I think I kind of
need you too right now.
There's something
you need to know.
- Does Reynard
know that you're here?
- No.
- Okay, that's good.
It's important that
we keep up appearances.
- I know.
- I've seen what he can do
when he's angry.
- John,
tell her what you told me
about our lady underground.
- Reynard's obsessed with her.
I think they were lovers,
but she left him.
Everything that he's done
to her followers, to you...
- it's not random.
- It's to get back at her.
- Yeah.
- Holy shit.
- Persephone is
our lady underground.
- I saw her icons
when I was down there.
Maybe we can use her
to lure Reynard.
- Didn't you just say
that she disappeared?
- Well, we just need
to make Reynard believe
that it's her.
If he thinks that she's here,
he'll come.
- Well, okay, and then?
We still don't have a weapon.
- We have him.
- What do you...?
- No, no, no,
we are not killing you
for your power, John.
- That's insane.
- Agreed.
Off the table.
What we are gonna do
is teach you magic.
- I'm not a magician.
- No, you're more,
which is why it should be
easy for you to learn.
I mean, we don't have the juice
to take Reynard on, but you do.
- Can you tell me again
what the dragon said?
- You know Mayakovsky banned me
from seeing Alice for 48 hours?
He said that I am upsetting her.
- Well, he's not exactly wrong.
- Trying to help.
- You did.
- Now maybe you can help
- by letting it run its course.
- What if she...?
- Q, the greatest magician
on earth is watching her.
I know Mayakovsky can be
a massive asshole,
but he's not gonna actually
let anything happen to her,
not after what it cost him
to bring her back.
All right, let's do that.
I know it's hard right now,
but it's gonna be okay.
I think.
Now will you please tell me
what puff the magic dragon
said to you?
- "The first portal
is still open."
I thought that might mean
Stonehenge.
The kids go there in book three.
- How many times
was that portal open?
- Once.
It's always
some new, unexpected...
Except the first one
that they used.
- They went back and forth
through that clock
all summer, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Until their mother died
and their uncle
sold all their stuff.
- Um, I think I saw it.
At my Yale interview.
It was the same one
as the one on the cover.
I mean, the guy died.
They... they probably sold it off,
but what if, um,
what if the clock I saw
was the clock?
- Why the fuck are you taking
a nap instead of looking for me?
- Margo?
I-I thought you were banished.
- No, dumb-ass, I'm stuck
in the fairy realm.
How can I see you?
- Oh, shit, she must've
mixed in the wrong strain.
We wanted
"bang like happy pandas,"
not "see other worlds."
Never let an amateur
pack your bong, okay?
- Listen, dipshit,
you have to find Rafe,
the squirrely little prick
who works for the sloth.
He got me here.
He can get me back.
- You could say "please."
- No, I literally could not.
I'm gonna go find fen.
You find a goddamn way
to get me back.
- Okay.
- Pretty sure this is it.
- Book statue.
Not the most imaginative,
those librarians.
- Yeah, but not stupid.
- Look at this cover.
And locked.
I've never seen
anything like this.
- Six-stage vermel
anti-tampering enchantment.
I can crack it.
- Pretty varsity...
For a kid.
- My dad's a good teacher.
- All right,
so who pissed him off?
You're going to a lot of trouble
to get at some of the most
powerful battle magic
in the universe.
Somebody's about to
have a bad day.
- I know it's hard for men
to imagine women
having their own reasons
for doing anything,
but I'm looking for my own book.
I've been hidden away
in a library for the last year.
No TV, no Wi-Fi,
had to find some way
to entertain myself, so
I started reading Kanye's book.
By the way,
he's really misunderstood.
Anyway, right in the middle
of a sex scene,
the book just stopped.
- Kanye dies during sex?
- That's the weird part.
There were 20 more pages,
all blank.
It's a glitch, right?
But then, every other book
I checked of somebody alive
right now
ends in 20 blank pages.
The order's known about it
for years... they call it
the great blank spot, some kind
of cataclysmic badness.
- Well, what causes it?
- They don't know,
just that it happens soon,
like, weeks.
- How is reading
your book gonna help?
- Something happens
that affects the library,
it'll be in a librarian's book,
but right now,
they're moving
all the librarians' books
to the poison room,
including mine.
The order thinks that
once your book is written,
your fate is sealed.
- Well, I've never seen
a book be wrong.
- You?
- No, but I saw them
reshelve your book 39 times.
Time loops exist,
then I'm team Sarah Connor:
"No fate but what we make."
- Fine,
I'll grab your book for you.
- I can get it myself.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
you're not coming.
How are you gonna get back?
I can't travel anyone with me.
- Think this is my first time
fountain spelunking?
- Well, fountain didn't
drop us in a lava pit,
so we've got that going for us.
- When they named it
the poison room, how literal
do you think they were being?
- Let's just do this fast.
- Yeah.
- Coming in on the weekend.
Now, that is work ethic.
- I was hoping to run into you,
actually.
I, uh, have questions,
and I would appreciate
some fatherly guidance.
- I'd like that too.
Here.
It struck me that I've missed
a lot of birthdays.
Open it.
N... what is...?
- You went back to the witches.
- Where is she?
Where's my wife?
- Oh, here and there.
I saved you the biggest piece.
Are you still trying
to be a good person?
As if there is such a thing.
Left alone, you would fight
and fight against your nature.
And you would waste so much
of what you really are.
- If you think doing this
is going to turn me into you,
you don't understand
people at all.
- I've been at it a long time.
Well, look at Julia.
I put a tiny black spot
on her soul,
and she scrubbed at it so much
she put a hole in it.
She can never go back
to who she is.
Now...
Neither can you.
This is an investment
in our future, son.
Someday,
when you've embraced
what you really are,
you'll come find me.
- Can I help you?
- Hi, we're looking for a clock.
It belonged to my grandfather.
- The auction website,
it listed this address.
- Auction websites
don't do that.
- Ugh, fine.
We bribed the webmaster.
The clock's got a lot
of sentimental value, so.
- Sorry, there's no clock here.
- "The clock was an unremarkable
thing on its surface.
"To keep his mind off
the troubles of war and family,"
"Martin set out to repair
its inner workings,"
"and in place
of a mechanical heart..."
- "He found a new world."
That's my favorite chapter
in the book.
- Holy shit,
there are two of you.
- Don't touch that.
- Oh.
- Please, put that down.
- Sorry, okay.
- Is that...?
- A screenplay for the failed
1983 feature film adaptation.
- There was a "Fillory" movie?
- No, the studio wouldn't
pay for the talking bears,
so the director,
he quit in protest.
Can I?
- Yeah.
- Q, uh, I found Grampy's clock.
- Wait, they changed
the Chatwins...
- Skateboarding Americans.
I know, a travesty.
And they got Jane
completely wrong.
A girl that timid could never
grow up to be a watcherwoman.
- Okay, real talk, I'll give you
$1,000 for the clock.
- It's a collector's item.
- $20,000.
- It's not for sale.
- Wait, the books never said
who the watcherwoman is.
- Well, it's...
- It's not hard to deduce.
Anyone who's always wearing
a hood is clearly
a character you've met before.
- You know, don't you?
That it's all real.
You... you've been to Fillory.
Been to Fillory.
- Even in Fillory
the watcherwoman's identity
is a secret.
Who are you?
- Oh, my god, Q.
He has horns.
Like Ember, like,
just like Ember.
- What?
- Oh.
- Holy shit.
Umber?
- In the flesh.
- Are they in the eye of...
What even is that?
- Lightning storm, huge.
Happened every time Persephone
ascended from the underworld.
She used to come every spring.
Now, decades, no pattern,
no trace.
Except these modern accounts
show four storms stretch across
the entire swath
of Southern Europe,
and, smack in the center,
Murs, France.
- So we just need
to kick up a light storm,
- a few twisters.
- And Reynard will think
our lady is on earth.
He'll come running.
- Yeah.
Are you okay?
- I... I need a drink.
- How was spell practice?
- I can barely make a spark.
- I thought you said it'd be easy.
- You know, no pressure
or anything...
- do you ever think about
where you'd be if he hadn't...
- raped me?
No, I try to focus on who I was.
It's getting harder, though.
- Reynard thinks he broke you,
that there's no coming back
from what he did.
Do you think that's true?
- I hope not.
- Well, whatever happens,
don't let him be right.
I think you should
go get some pizza.
- Okay.
- Food run.
Listen, I wish we had time
to talk this through,
but ultimately,
I know you'd agree with me.
- What are you talking about?
Ahh, ahh, oh, my wards.
- I'm sorry.
- Why, why are you
doing this to me?
- After everything
Julia's been through,
I can't make her do this.
- Do what?
- This is very good.
Tea?
- I don't have time.
- Ah, brilliant,
the shortcut there...
- I don't have time.
I understood everything,
and now it's fading like a dream
that you woke me from.
Why can't I do magic?
- You're newborn again.
You must crawl then walk.
- How long?
- What's the rush?
- I'm stuck in this...
- This oily, disgusting cage,
and I... I can't even fucking see.
I can't do anything.
- On the contrary,
you're finally in a position
- to do something interesting.
- Fuck you, what do you know?
- I know, as niffin, you care
about nothing but your own mind,
so congratulations,
a perfect life
with zero meaning.
Now as human...
- humans are weak
pieces of shit.
- Do you know what magic is?
Energy capable of making
this shithole world
one fractional speck
less unbearable
because we shits
try so fucking hard,
and that... that is not weakness.
Believe me.
You don't like this world?
Good, you see its faults.
It gives you focus and solitude
to actually fix it.
Adderall, to fortify you.
Makes you write like Tolstoy.
Don't make face.
Drugs are fun.
- Hey, I wasn't sure
what kind you wanted,
so, I don't know, I...
Oh, my god.
- He made... he made me.
- What?
- He made me do the ritual.
Collect his... his power.
Oh, my god.
- Hey, you get yourself
cleaned up,
and I'll handle the rest, okay?
- There you are,
you son of a bitch.
Ah.
Sylvia, where are you?
Sylvia!
Sylvia, read it
when you get back.
We gotta go.
- You betrayed Ember.
- Well, I wouldn't call it that.
I just had no choice.
It was a matter of survival.
A condition of the agreement
I made with Martin Chatwin.
He had Fillory
booby-trapped to the gills.
He was about to fillet me.
- So you faked your own death,
and you moved to Vancouver?
- Well, if I had to
leave Fillory,
Canada was the obvious
second choice.
What is it that
you enjoy about Fillory?
- Uh... It reminds me of a time
before I realized
how shitty being an adult is.
- And there's opium in the air.
- And how do you feel
about turtles?
- Indifferent, I guess.
- Not a fan.
- Would you sleep easier
knowing that your entire world
rested on the back
of one or several?
- What... why are you asking?
- Because as visitors
to my previous work,
you make for an excellent
focus group for my new world.
It's something
I've been building.
Testing a few things out.
It's more of a pocket world,
really.
I call it Cuba.
- That's already a place.
- Is it?
- Yes.
- You're sure?
- Absolutely sure.
- Oh, damn it.
- Look, this is all
very interesting-ish,
but I have a kingdom to fix.
You were never
meant to fix Fillory.
- Of course I was.
- No, you were meant
to entertain
like some reality TV star.
Oh, Ember must've
found you so boring.
- Boring?
- Fillory was created out of
the unification of opposites.
Ember is a creature
of entropy and chaos...
- and you have every season
of "law & order" on DVD.
- The most perfect show
in creation.
When Ember and I were together,
there was balance.
Without me, chaos reigns.
Give up, children of earth.
Fillory cannot be ruled.
- Whoa.
Come on.
- Stop worrying about me.
- Fucking travel out already.
- Look, I will carry
your ass back by...
- you don't get it!
I don't make it
back to the rope.
My book didn't have
a blank spot.
- So what?
What happened to "there's
no fate but what we make"?
- If you carry me back,
you die too, penny.
I read it.
Leaving me is the only way
you have a chance.
- Penny.
- I got your book.
- What the hell?
Penny?
Oh, my...
Help!
- Give me good news, Rafe.
- Unfortunately, returning
from the fairy realm
is, uh, problematic.
All I have is this tincture
that takes you there.
- Why would I drink this?
Then I'm stuck there
with Margo, and you can't
get either of us out.
- Prince Ess of Loria,
your majesty.
- Where's my father?
- Hey, I don't think
we've formally met.
- Cut the shit.
I will tear this place apart
if I have to.
- So uh, funny story, uh,
your... your dad is actually
a rat person now.
- Do it.
- He's...
- break it down.
- Hakuna matata has failed me.
- It pains me, but I simply
cannot go back to Fillory.
- So you're just gonna let Ember
turn Fillory into a telenovela?
- Well, you don't understand
how he is.
He pitted animals
against each other
by offering only the sexiest
the ability to speak.
Centaurs?
Drunk off his chair, obviously.
When he gets snacky, he talks
about turning humans into rats.
- Holy shit.
Ember turned everybody
into rats.
- Oh, he finally did it.
That's been on his bucket list
for centuries.
- Ember cock-blocked me.
- You are a god of Fillory.
Why are you just sitting here
and letting your brother
shit all over it?
You let the beast happen.
You shut out a child
who needed shelter,
and when he became a monster,
you ran.
You hate chaos?
Then fix the chaos
that you created.
- You're right.
But some mistakes
cannot be repaired.
And from those,
we must move forward.
And I shall try
to avoid repeating
such mistakes in my new world.
- Fine...
Then give us the clock.
- Why do you care?
Fillory's on its last legs.
Everything you've said tells me
Ember is tired of the game.
He's likely to smash the place
like a toddler.
Trust me, that'll be it.
End of Fillory.
And don't get sentimental.
- We aren't ready
to walk away yet.
We know you still love Fillory.
You literally have
every memento to prove it.
If you can't fix it
or won't save it,
then let us try.
Please.
- You love Fillory.
- It's my home.
- Then the clock is yours,
your majesty.
But heed my warning.
Nothing entertains Ember more
than a whimsical death.
- Hey.
- Hey.
How's penny?
Still alive?
I could've worded that better.
- Yeah.
They cleared out
the whole infirmary.
Something about radiation.
- That can't be good.
- And not much I can do about it
right now.
- So you've got time.
Kill it with me killing Reynard.
Good news,
found a spell in here.
Turns metal objects
into god-piercing weapons.
And if it can
be anything, gun, right?
But it took everything John
gave us just to make one bullet.
- So we've got one shot.
- Fall back.
Don't inhale the... Smoke...
- oh, shit.
Luckily, I'm a pro.
Come on, come on.
Fen?
- Josh, you can see me?
- Fen!
- Josh, help me!
- Help me, please, hurry!
- Tick, tell my story.
- Well, this is it.
- The sign Reynard's
been waiting for.
Come on out, asshole.
Something feels so right about
tricking him with goddess omens.
- Amen.
Let's get scarce.
Let's go.
- I know you're here.
- There he is.
- The lightning, the wind...
Always were a drama queen.
- I can't get a clear shot.
- Go on the other side.
- I'll get you a clear shot.
- Kady!
- Hey!
- I should have known.
Where's Julia?
- Why don't you ask me
where John is?
- What did you do?
- Nothing he wasn't asking for.
Hated you so much,
he begged me to kill him.
- You bitch!
You liar!
- Kady, what...?
- It's you.
You ignored us,
and now you're here?
All of a sudden?
Why?
- To ask you to spare his life.
- I don't understand.
Why do you care?
- He's my son.
- Did you know
what he was doing?
Of course you did.
He raped me.
Your son.
I'd be sobbing
and telling you every detail,
but I lost my shade
in the abortion,
so you're just gonna have to
take my word for it.
- Let me deal with him.
- Why would I trust you?
- Come the fuck on, lady.
- There are consequences
to killing a god, Julia.
- I lost my friends.
- I lost everything.
He turned me into a monster.
- You're a survivor.
You're still capable of mercy,
Julia.
Don't let him rob you of that.
It's your choice.
- I am so disappointed
with what you've done.
- You left me.
- You left me.
- Well, I am back.
And it's time to go.
- No, no!
How could you do this after
everything we've been through?
I killed John for this.
- It was the right thing.
- How the hell
would you know that?
- Sorry, Kady.
- Our lady sent me.
- Hey, I'm sorry I hurt you.
I tried to do the right thing.
But I'm not sorry
that you're alive,
and maybe that makes me selfish,
but I...
The world's a better place
when you're in it.
Say the word, and I'll stay.
If you want me to leave you
alone for a while
and figure this out on your own,
I mean, let's face it.
There's probably nothing
that you can't figure out.
You are Alice Quinn.
- Okay, so the plan so far is,
find a way to stay in Fillory
and never get banished again.
Find a way to stop Ember or
drive him out or, I don't know,
anything but letting him
get so bored he decides
to just shake the etch a sketch
and end our kingdom,
everyone I care about, and
the well spring in the process.
So, thoughts?
- You're talking about
conquering Fillory.
- For its own good.
- Your plan is the exact same
as the beast's was.
- Shit.
Do you got a better idea?