The Lucy Show (1962–1968): Season 1, Episode 28 - Lucy and the Little League - full transcript

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Come on, Sherman.
Let's go, Sherman.

Strike him out for Mama.

Strike three.

You're out.

Aw, you couldn't
hit the side of a barn.

Vivian, control yourself.

That's somebody's little boy.

Come on. Come on.

Hey, fellas, fellas,
come on now.

This is our last chance at bat.



All we need is 18 runs to
tie this little old game up.

Oh, we're never going to
score 18 runs in one inning.

How come Little Leaguers
play only six innings?

Oh, I guess it's to
make it easy on the boys.

Yeah, or to make it
easy on the mothers.

All right, there's my Billy boy.

Come on now, Billy.

All right now, wait
for a good one.

You're out.

Out?! Out?!

He was safe by a mile!

Oh, of course he was.

Oh, Sherm, Sherm,
come on now, home run.

How about it, Sherman?



A home run, that's what we need.

Come on now,
Sherm. Out of the park.

Now wait for a good one.

Don't hit a bad one now, Sherm.

Wait for a good one.

Strike one.

Strike?!

Are you crazy? Are you crazy?

That was a ball by a mile.

Vivian, Audrey, please.

Come on now, Sherman.

Don't let it throw you.

Strike two.

Strike?

You've got to be
kidding. Robber. Robber.

Umpire, Umpire, I'd like to see

their pitcher's
birth certificate.

If that boy's only
12, I'm sweet 16.

Oh, Viv, Viv, I've never
seen you two act like this.

After all, it's only a game
and a practice game at that.

Oh, you're just so calm.

You just wait till your son,
Jerry, gets in the game.

Yeah, well, when he
does, I can assure you

I won't disgrace
myself like you two do.

All right, all right.

Strike three. You're out.

Boo! Boo!

Kill the umpire!

Audrey, the umpire
is Dr. Jacoby.

Well, from now on, I'm
taking my astigmatism

to another eye doctor.

Dr. Jacoby,

why don't you make an
appointment with yourself

and get your eyes examined.

Yeah. Why don't you do
something like that, huh?

Oh, honestly, I'm going
to move somewhere else.

I don't understand you two.

Jerry Carmichael
batting for Mike Martin.

That's my son!

This is his first year!

He's the youngest
player on the team!

The youngest player on the team!

Wait a minute, Mister,
where're you going?

My son's going to bat.

Quitter!

Down in front.

Yeah, down in front.

Come on, Jerry boy,
sock that old apple.

Give it a ride, boy.

Down in front.

Come on, Jerry. Come on, Jerry.

Come on, Jerry, boy.

Get in there, boy. MAN:
Let's see you do it, boy.

Strike one.

You call that a strike?

Boo!

Come on, Lucy.

It's only a game.

What do you mean
it's only a game?

Where's your team spirit?

We're 18 runs behind.

Come on, Jerry, hit
that old horsehide.

Strike two.

Oh, what's the
matter with you, Doc?

Got your contact
lenses in backwards?

Come on, Jerry.

Lucy, this is really funny...

Quiet, quiet. You'll
make Jerry nervous.

Strike three. You're out.

Oh, you're crazy!

That wasn't a strike,
for heaven's sake!

It was way down on the ground.

Boo! Boo!

Lucy, the game's over.

Oh... Boo!

That's the worst
umpiring I've ever seen.

Come on now, Lucy.

Oh, no wonder their
pitcher had 15 strike-outs,

he's old enough to be in
those shaving commercials.

Listen, I'm going to get Billy,

and I'll meet you there.

Okay, Audrey,
we'll meet you later.

Boo!

Lucy, come on, we
promised the boys

we'd buy them an ice cream cone.

Sherman, I don't want
you to feel badly now.

I know you'll do better in
the opening game tomorrow.

Well, I sure hope so.

Come on, Jerry.

Don't you feel badly either.

You'll do better tomorrow, too.

I won't be here tomorrow.

Why not?

Our manager is sending
me down to the "B" team.

Why? Just because
you struck out once?

I guess I'm not
big league material.

Oh, that's not fair.

Well, I should
say it isn't fair.

Why, Mickey Mantle
strikes out lots of times.

Viv, take the boys
and go to the car.

I'll see you later.

Okay, come along, fellas.
What are you going to do?

I'm going to do what I'm sure

Mickey Mantle's mother
does when he strikes out.

I'm just going to have
a talk with the manager.

Good.

Mr. Cresant.

Hmm?

Oh, hi, Mrs. Carmichael.

Jerry tells me that you're
going to send him to the minors.

Well, I think it's best for him.

He's, uh, he's a
fine little ball player,

but his hitting just isn't
quite good enough yet

for an "A" team.

I see.

Well now, how would you
know how good his hitting is?

He's only been up once.

Mrs. Carmichael, I run
the team the way I see it.

I'm the manager.

Ha. Some manager.

How did you ever get
to be manager anyway?

I was the only father who
couldn't think up a good excuse

for getting out of it.

Mr. Cresant. Hmm?

I noticed that your
son struck out today.

Is he being sent to the minors?

Mrs. Carmichael, if every
boy who struck out today

was sent to the minors, I
wouldn't have any team.

Aha.

Then why are you
picking on my little Jerry?

All right, all right... I'll give
Jerry one more chance.

I'll start him in the
opening game tomorrow.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Cresant.

Baseball needs
more men like you.

Well, let me know
when they find them.

I'd like to get back
to my hardware store.

Oh, and don't you worry
about Jerry's hitting.

By tomorrow's game, he'll
be another Mickey Mantle.

Mrs. Carmichael.

Yes, sir?

Mickey Mantle spent
years learning how to hit.

I know, but he didn't
have me to coach him.

Now that's right.

Now take a good swing.

Oh, no, honey.

No, you're forgetting
what's in the book.

You sit down now
and I'll show you.

Here, you take
these rubber balls,

you squeeze these.

That'll get the muscles
in your hands real strong.

Now squeeze 'em.

That's right.

Now, now watch here.

You see, you take
the bat like this,

put your hands together,

and then you, you
go straight out like this.

You don't wrap it around
your neck like that, see.

You step forward
with your left foot,

and you swing nice and level.

Now, you see, that would
have been a two-bagger.

That's pretty good for me.

Yeah, yeah, you know,
I'm not going to be satisfied

until you are the
"Short Sultan of Swat."

How about that?

Listen, keep squeezing, Jerry.

I want to show you
something in this book here.

You see how he's
holding the bat?

Sherman?

What, Mom? Come on down.

It's time for me to rub
your arm again. Again?

Yes, again.

I'm too busy, Mom.

I'm writing a
composition for English.

Writing? With the game tomorrow?

You'll ruin your pitching arm.

How else am I going to do it?

You just dictate
it to me, darling,

and I'll type it for
you in the morning.

Now you sit down and let me
rub my little southpaw's arm, huh?

Now, you see,
part of the trouble is

you're not getting the
bat around fast enough.

Keep squeezing, Jerry.

Maybe the bat's
too heavy for him.

Oh? What do you think, Jerry?

The bat's not too heavy.

I'm too light.

Well, if you're
going to use this bat,

you're going to
have to choke it then.

And if you're going to choke it,

you really choke it,
way up there, see?

Boy, Jerry, you're so little.

I'm sure glad I'm
not pitching to you.

What's that got to do with it?

Yeah, what are
you talking about?

Well, it's just hard for
pitchers to throw strikes

to somebody that small.

Oh, you mean if he scrooches
down in the batter's box,

it would be even harder?

Hey, it also helps if
you can rattle the pitcher.

Good idea.

How do you rattle the pitcher?

You scare him.

You look mean,
and you snarl at him.

Keep squeezing, Jerry.

Now all you've got to remember
is: scrooch, snarl and swing.

Okay, Jerry, let's
see what you can do.

Okay.

Take a good swing now.

What's the matter?

I can't hold the bat.

Why not?

What happened?

I squeezed the balls so much
my fingers are exhausted.

Well, you poor little thing.

I guess you've had
enough practice for tonight.

You go to bed, sweetheart.

Okay. Good night, Mom.

Good night, dear.

What's that?

I was practicing my snarl. Oh.

That ought to scare the pitcher.

Yeah, especially if he
walks up to the plate

to kiss you good night.

Good night. Good night.

There you are now, Sherman.

Let me know if you want another
massage before you go to sleep.

Gosh, no. You'll
rub my arm away.

Oh, you know I wouldn't.

Good night, darlin'.

Good night.

Go right to bed. Go
right to sleep now.

Don't you worry about that
game tomorrow. Good night, Mom.

No, don't worry about it,
Sherm. Good night, darlin'.

Lucy? What?

Are you nervous about the game?

Oh, nervous as a
cat. How about you?

If a dog walked in,
I'd arch my back.

Oh, Viv, this is ridiculous
for two grown women.

After all, it's only a game.

Yeah, it's only a game.

Yeah, what difference if Jerry
doesn't get a hit tomorrow?

And what if Sherman
does lose the game? Yeah.

Oh, Lucy, we've got to slow down

and save ourselves for
the rest of the season.

Yeah.

I guess with Little
League mothers,

the legs are the first to go.

We've just got to
forget all about baseball.

Yeah, let's put it completely
out of our minds. Right.

Let's think about
something else. All right.

What'll we do?

Well now, let's
see, it's ten to 9:00.

Ten to nine? What inning?

Bottom of the fifth.

Who's winning? We are.

Hold 'em, Tigers!

Viv, we've got to
get hold of ourselves.

Let's think about
something else.

Yeah, let's... let's eat
something. Yeah, okay.

How about a piece of fruit?

All right.

I'm going to have an orange.

All right, I'll have one, too.

Oh, well, there's just one.

Here, you take it.

No, no, I don't need it.

Here, give me something else.

Oh, no, I wouldn't do
that. I like a banana.

Not particular about
having an orange.

Honest to goodness.
Hey, that was a good catch.

Wasn't bad, was it?

No, okay, once
around the infield.

Okay, boy, here you go.

And the old pepper.
Right here, boy.

Come on. Here you go.

There you go.

You got a good one there.

Are you ready for
this one? Right in here.

Put it right in here, honey.

The good stuff? Okay.

Oh. Good grief.

Why don't we go to bed?

Try to get some sleep
and forget the whole thing.

That is a good idea. Sheesh.

♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪

♪ Take me out with the crowd ♪

♪ Buy me some peanuts
and Cracker Jack ♪

♪ I don't care if I
never come back ♪

♪ 'Cause it's root-root-root
for the home team ♪

♪ If they don't
win, it's a shame ♪

♪ It's a shame ♪

♪ 'Cause it's one-two-three
strikes you're out ♪

♪ At the old ball... ♪

♪ Viv, let's go to bed. ♪

Pour it on, Sherman!
Come on now, Sherman!

Pitch it right over the plate!

Get that arm going there!

All right, throw
a strike, Sherm.

Ball one!

Ball? That was
right over the plate!

What's the matter?
Can't you see?!

Sir?

You just get back
in there and pitch.

Just a minute.

Some umpire you are!

What are you trying to do,

throw this game?

Mrs. Bagley, Mrs. Carmichael,

would you please
get off the field?

Not until you
reverse your decision.

That last pitch was a strike!

How would you know?

Because my son said so!

And her son doesn't lie!

That's how I know!

Yeah, that's how she knows!

Ladies, ladies, please!

Mr. Cresant, you tell him.

Sorry, I'll get 'em
back in the stands.

That isn't what you're
supposed to tell him!

Ladies, we have a
rule in the Little League:

no mothers allowed on the field.

Some manager you are!

Yeah, how much is the
Syndicate paying you

to throw this game?

Now, look, if you
two are not back

in the stands right away,

I am going to ask the umpire
to throw you out of the park.

You wouldn't dare!

Umpire?!

All right, play ball!

Hold it, Jerry,
Watch it. Hold it!

Ball one!

Oh, well, that's all right.
That's okay. Wait for it.

Wait for a good one,
boy. Wait for a good one.

Come on now. Watch it.

Keep your eye on it.
Keep your eye on it, Jer.

There it goes.

Strike three! You're out!

Oh, no!

That was no strike!

I know, but you swung at it.

It's not fair.

I was snarling and it
threw off my timing.

I'm sorry. You're out.

Come on, Out, out, out.

Just a minute!

Oh, no, not again!

This is an outrage!

You're giving
umpires a bad name!

Yeah, and you're not doing
too much for doctors, either!

I'll bet you have trouble
reading your own eye chart!

You can see me, can't you?

Unfortunately, I can!

Why don't you two
get back in the stands?

Why don't you get back
to your hardware store?

We may demand a new umpire!

And we may demand a new manager!

Ump, can't you do something
about these two meddling mamas?

Yeah. Out!

Out?!

Out of the park, into
your car, and home!

Well! You can't do this!

Unless you are out of
here by the count of three,

the Tigers will
forfeit the game.

One...

two...

How humiliating!

Play ball!

Oh, you'll get used
to being kicked out.

The first time's
always the hardest.

You mean you've
been kicked out before?

No, not this season.

Boy, I would have given
him a piece of my mind

if I didn't want to
forfeit the game.

Strike two! Oh, I sure would
like to see Sherman pitch.

And I'd like to see Jerry play.

I wonder if we
could sneak back in?

Lucy!

Well, it was just a thought.

Well, come on, girl, let's go.

Listen, Viv... Mm-hmm?

I have some shopping to do.

I'll meet you at home later.

Okay. See you there.

You're out!

Play ball!

All right, Tommy, let's have...

let's have a nice long single!

Bring Jerry in from second!

Strike one!

Run, Jerry, run! Run!

Slide, Jerry! Slide!

You're out!

Oh, boo!

All right, Mrs. Carmichael,
where are you?

Come out, come
out, wherever you are.

Mrs. Carmichael, come out!

Mrs. Carmichael, do you
want me to forfeit this game?

No, sir.

Well, then get out and stay out!

Yes, sir.

Ball one!

Time out! Time out! Time out!

Let me see that ball.

Excuse me, sir.

All right, Mrs. Carmichael...

out!

How did you know it was me?

Men don't usually
come to baseball games

carrying a lady's purse.

Mrs. Carmichael, this
is your last chance.

Now go home!

Yes, sir.

Strike!

Strike three! You're out!

All right, Tigers, come on!

All right, here we go! Let's go!

Play ball!

Time out! Time out!
Just one second!

Okay, Billy...

Play ball!

Strike two!

Boo!

Strike!

All right, all right,
who's the wise guy?

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on. Play ball.

You're out!

Strike!

Ha!

Strike two!

Ball one!

That's the way,
Sherman, that's the way!

I told you you could do
it! Good boy! Come on!

Get a good one!

Hit that nice one!

Strike!

Sherman, I told you
not to swing at those!

You're out!

Okay, Jerry, you're next up!

Now come on,
Jerry, get out there!

Ball one!

Jerry! Come on, boy!

Hit it, Jerry!

Attaboy!

Come on! Run, Jerry!

Run, Jerry!

Hooray! Hooray!

That's my boy!

Oh!

Oh, that's my... That was...

Congratulations,
Mrs. Carmichael.

Thank you.

Hey, how about that!

That was my son
that hit that home run!

How about that?!

Wasn't that wonderful?
That was my son!

Whose son do you think
was the winning pitcher?

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