The Loud House (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 3 - The Loud House - full transcript

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪



- ♪ One boy and ten girls ♪

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud ♪

♪ Loud house ♪

- Poo-poo.

[heavy-metal music]

♪ ♪

- Yo, Chunk,
right on time, dude.

- I slept in your driveway

so I wouldn't be late.

- Whoa. That's hard core, bro.

- Load it, drive it,
rig it, repeat.

That's the life of a rock
and roll roadie, isn't it?

- [grunting, panting]



'Ello, 'ello, Chunk.

Pip, pip, cheerio--oh!

- Don't mind my dad.

He spent one semester abroad,

and he thinks he's a Brit.

- [chuckles]
That's all right, love.

Wotcha, me China.

All the Mae West
to the Duchess of Fife

and the wee dustbin lids too.

- Uh... Right!

Uh, couldn't agree more!

[engine revs]
- Catch ya later, Pop Star.

- Good luck with
your audition, honey!

"Wee dustbin lids."

That must be in here somewhere.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Dropping records
on a weekly basis ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Playing shows
in exotic places ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Rocking out
to a cheering crowd ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hear them screaming,
"Luna Loud!" ♪

♪ ♪

♪ My favorite colors are
platinum and gold ♪

♪ Being a rock star
never gets old ♪

♪ My life is a dream ♪

♪ A crazy rock and roll dream ♪

♪ ♪

Stage dive!

[thud]

Sorry, dude.

I hope I passed the audition.

- Oh, you did more than pass.

You're gonna be headlining
the Royal Rumble.

Congratulations, dear.

- Smashing, love!
Your biggest gig yet!

- Whoo! Next stop,
rock and roll fame!

- Is--is that Chester Monk?
- The one and only.

Great to see you,
Ms. Vaporciyan.

- Whoa! You know Chunk?

- Well, I was his first teacher

when he moved here
from England.

I always thought he was
gonna be such a big rock star.

You know, he headlined
the Rumble too.

- He did?

♪ ♪

Why didn't you tell me
you headlined the Rumble, dude?

- Didn't wanna toot
me own horn,

but yeah, it was quite a show.

Five encores,
but who's counting?

Have a butcher's
at me yearbook.

[rock music
playing over radio]

- "Next stop,
rock and roll fame"?

Next stop, rock and roll fame!

- Great minds think alike,
eh, love?

♪ ♪

'Ello, governor.

[tires screech]

Just what I was fancying.

- Why is he grabbing
that junk off the road?

[tense music]

What if I don't make it
as a rock star?

I don't wanna end up
living in a van, man.

- So, uh, why do you wanna work
in a record store?

- Well, I really wanted
to be a rock star,

but that's probably
never gonna happen,

so I figured
this is another way

I can share my love
of music with people.

- Right on.

You're hired.

[rock music]

[door opens, bells jingle]

- Welcome, dude!
How can I help you?

- Do you have
Mick Swagger's new album?

I hear he's pretty good.

- Pretty good?
Mick's basically a rock god!

But you can't just start
with his new stuff.

You need to know where
the man's coming from.

Let's start with
his first album,

"Where I'm Coming From."
- Ahh!

- This is Mick's fifth album,
where he went reggae.

If you play it backwards,
it's a country album,

so it's actually
his fifth and sixth.

- Ahh!

- Mick's ninth album
is super rare,

'cause instead of vinyl,
they made it out of hard candy.

- Luna, you gotta chill out.

- Dude, I'm with a customer.
[door opens]

- You mean that customer?

♪ ♪

Hey, I love your
enthusiasm, kid,

but it's also
why I'm firing you.

- So, I figure,
this is another way

I can share my love
of music with people.

- Cool.
You're my new afternoon DJ.

- ♪ Ooh, girl, if I could ♪

♪ Ooh, girl, give you the-- ♪
[record scratching]

♪ Ooh, girl, if I could ♪
- Yeah, girl, sing it!

- ♪ Ooh, girl, if I could ♪

- ♪ Ooh, ooh, la, la, la ♪

♪ Ooh, girl! World girl! ♪

♪ You girl! ♪

♪ ♪

- Greetings,
third eldest sister.

Just making the rounds
for my weekly DNA cheek swabs.

- [sighs]

- I don't typically acknowledge
human emotions,

but you seem
unusually dispirited.

- You're too young
to understand.

- Pfft, tell that to
the Nobel Committee.

- Respect.

Well, I'm worried
about my future, dude.

Making it as a rock star
seems impossible,

but I can't find a fit anywhere
else in the music business.

I just don't know
what to do now.

- Hm, I would advise
a practical approach.

According to
national labor statistics,

the fastest growing fields
are health care,

food service, and technology.

I suggest you delve into those.

- I hear what you're
laying down, Sis.

- Wish me luck.

Lola's next,
and she's a bit of a biter.

- Thanks for letting me
shadow you today.

- Sure, honey.
- Ready for this?

- Actually, Flip, we've been
ready for you for ten years.

- Don't bust my chops!

You try running
a 24-hour convenience store.

Ahh...

[dramatic music]

[upbeat jazz music]

- [grunting]

What is this?

- My meat molar!
The tooth fell out,

so I made a replacement
with some beef jerky.

[thud]

- Thanks for letting me
check out the restaurant.

- Sure thing, hon.

[scooter whirs]

Ooh, a customer.

Hey, why don't
you take this one?

- Here you are, ma'am.
One Cobb salad.

- Hey, what's the dealio?

I asked for extra bacon.

- Oh, sorry. My bad.

[relaxing music]

- [sniffs, groans]
This blue cheese smells whack.

- [sighs]

♪ ♪

- Hey, why is there
so much bacon on this?

- Are you kidding, dude?

Fine, I'll fix it for you!

- Uh, you know what,
I got this one, honey.

♪ ♪

- The tech field seems
pretty rad, Mr. Grouse.

Thanks for letting me
hang with you.

- It would be a lot more rad

if you stopped
fiddling with my desk!

I'm trying to debug this code.

[beeping]

"Catastrophic error"?

[groans] That's the berries.

- Let me give it a try, brah.

[intense music]

♪ ♪

- Holy Toledo.
How'd you pull that off?

- Guess I learned a thing
or two about computers

from recording music.

- Well, you've got
a future here, young lady.

- Really?
- You bet ya.

And it's a heck of a gig.

Great job security
and a solid retirement plan!

- Sweet--sounds a lot better
than living in a van.

Plus, I see you get
Casual Fridays.

- Eeh, casual what now?

♪ ♪

[trombone music]

- Ms. V?

I just wanted to tell you,

I'm dropping out of
the Royal Rumble.

[sad trombone music]

I know I'm never gonna
make it as a rock star,

so I'm done with music.

I.T. is my jam now.

It's a heck of a gig.

Great job security,
solid retirement plan.

It's more practical.

- Well, wait, Luna, honey,

you don't have to
give up music completely.

Lots of people play as a hobby.

- Nah, it would just
break my heart,

my achy, breaky heart.

Sorry to mess up
the Rumble, Ms. V.

"Chunk & the Pieces"?

Uh, what's this?
- Chester gave me that.

His band is playing at
the Red Herring tonight.

- Chunk has a band?

I thought he gave up music
a long time ago.

[groovy rock music]

- ♪ I'm a little East London ♪

♪ And I'm a little
Royal Woods ♪

♪ When it comes to
rock and roll ♪

♪ I've got the goods ♪

♪ You can call me Chester ♪

♪ Or you can call me Chunk ♪

♪ Either way, baby ♪

♪ I've got the funk ♪

Are you ready to get funky?
[crowd cheers]

All right, let me
take it to the rinse cycle!

♪ ♪

- So that's what
he wanted it for.

Go, Chunk! Rock on!

♪ ♪

That was awesome, dude!

I had no idea you still played.

- Yeah, once you get
the performing bug,

you just can't
shake it, can ya?

- Hey, I know
it's none of my biz,

but that stuff in your yearbook
made it seem like

being a rock star
was all you ever wanted.

Are you bummed
you didn't make it?

- Who says I didn't make it?

I may not be playing
in sold-out arenas,

but I'm doing what I love.

That's my definition
of making it.

- Even if you have to
live in a van?

I mean, no offense.
It--it's a sweet van.

- [chuckles]
I don't live in it, love.

I got me own flat.

- What?
- [chuckles]

I only sleep in my van
the night before a big gig.

Talking of gigs,

you all sorted
for the big Rumble?

- Well, I am now!
- Brilliant.

Just let me know
how many guitars you need.

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Got the rock and roll bug,
and I just can't shake it ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Follow your heart
if you really wanna make it ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I tried my hand
at dental hygiene ♪

♪ ♪

♪ But at the end of the day
it just wasn't my scene ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You can live your life
full of doubt ♪

♪ Or you can do what you love,
and it'll all work out ♪

♪ ♪

♪ My life is a dream ♪

♪ The greatest
rock and roll dream ♪

♪ ♪

Ladies and gentlemen!

We've got some Rumble Royalty
in the house!

Give it up for
Chester "Chunk" Monk!

[crowd cheers]

♪ ♪

both: ♪ You can live
your life full of doubt ♪

♪ Or you can do what you love,
and it'll all work out ♪

♪ My life is a dream ♪

- ♪ The greatest
rock and roll dream! ♪

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat rock music]

♪ ♪

[school bell ringing]

[clock ticking]

- Mmm...

mac and cheese bites.

- Hey, psst, Lincoln,
what'd you get for number one?

- Mac and cheese.

- Thanks, buddy.
- Really?

I thought the Native Americans
gave the pilgrims corn.

- If Lincoln says
mac and cheese,

that's good enough for me.

- I can't focus at all today.

Last night, Dad made his famous

mac and cheese bites
for dinner,

and in order to make
all that cheesy goodness last,

I saved three bites
for after school.

But if I'm gonna
get through this day

without losing my mind,

I'm just gonna have to
stop thinking about them.

- Would the following students

please report to
the principal's office?

Mac and Chaz?

- All right, everyone,
pencils down,

and let's go over
the worksheet.

Who has the answer
to number one?

- Oh! Oh! Me!
It's mac and cheese.

And if I'm wrong,
you can flunk me.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Today's the big day ♪

♪ Just gotta chill
the duck liver pâté ♪

♪ I'll show 'em
that I'm a star ♪

♪ With my yummy take
on caviar ♪

- I love that
confidence, honey.

When is the investor
getting here?

- In a few hours.

Just think,
if he likes my food,

I can open my own restaurant!

Here, try this foie gras foam.

- [grunts]

- And here's the second course.

- [sniffing]
Uh, this is just air in a jar.

- Lemon air in a jar.

High end, yet low-cal.

- Honey, no offense,

but why are you making
all this showy stuff?

What's wrong with
your famous Lynn-sagna?

- Honey, this is
Timothy McCole.

This guy travels
all over the world,

tasting exciting
and exotic food.

I--I--I can't just serve him
a--a hunk of noodles.

- Well, I like the hunk
who made those noodles,

and I think anything
he cooks is delicious.

[smooches]

- Can you say that again
when he's here?

♪ ♪

- Mac and cheese...

♪ ♪

Two bites?

I saved three![growls]

All right,
which of you vultures

swiped one of my
mac and cheese bites?

If you guys wanted
one so badly,

you should've saved
some of your own.

- I'm not saying
it was me--

[belches]
But if I did take one,

I only did it
'cause Lola ate

the rest of Dad's
tater tot bake.

I was saving that!

- I'm not copping to
eating the tater tot bake,

but if I did, it was because

Luan ate the last slice
of Dad's pie,

which I was saving!

- Actually, I didn't eat it.

- Oh, my bad.
- I smashed it in Lynn's face.

- [growls]

- Guys, how do you not see
that this is a problem?

Our fridge is like
the wild west.

- Look, Lincoln, nobody likes
having their leftovers swiped,

but we're a big family.

You can't expect to protect

every little bite of food
that you want.

- Oh, can't I?

- No, you can't.

[laidback jazz music]

- Hmm, I really want one of
those mac and cheese bites,

but Lincoln's gonna
have a conniption.

But then again,
watching Lincoln

have a conniption is fun.

Ow!

- That'll teach her.

- Oh, so we're protecting
our stuff now, huh?

Fine by me.

- [gasps]

Ooh, one of Dad's
yummy brownies.

Oh, wait,
didn't Luan call this?

Well, she won't mind

if I just break off
a little corner.

Oh-ho! Ow!

- The gloves are off now.
[laughs]

- Luan put that there
to protect her leftovers?

Well, I can play
that game too.

[upbeat music]

[beeping]

[bang]

♪ ♪

[electric crackling]
- Ahh!

[chomp]

- Ahh!

- That's it--you guys really
crossed the line this time.

- I'd say that line was crossed
when this happened, brah.

- Or this!
- Or this!

- Ga, ga!

- This is crazy.
We can't go on like this.

If someone could
gently let me down,

I think I have an idea.

[grunts]
[thud]

I think we can all agree,

basic order
needs to be restored,

so with an assist from Lisa,

I came up with a plan.

- Ah!
- Sorry.

Per Lincoln's request,

I calculated the refrigerator's
cubic footage,

and divided it into
11 equally-sized zones,

creating the optimal conditions

for what I like to call
Dairy Détente.

- Everybody gets a zone,
and the genius part is

that no one can mistake
theirs for someone else's,

because they're color coded.

[enchanting music]

all: Ooh...

- All we have to do now is
divide up Dad's leftovers

and put them in our zones.

[yelling]

- I call Dad's stuffed peppers!

- And I got dibs on
his fried chicken!

- I get his mine-strone!

- Uh, Leni, it's pronounced
mi-ne-stró-ne.

- I call it mine-strone,

'cause it's mine.

- Nice job.
Thanks for the assist.

- You're welcome.

For payment,
I will happily accept

your last
mac and cheese bite.

- Not a chance.

- [humming]

♪ Wait till he tries
my uni surprise ♪

♪ This organic beet juice
will open his eyes ♪

♪ That investor guy
will feel like a royal ♪

♪ When he tastes
my risotto with-- ♪

Dang it!
I forgot the truffle oil!

Come on, Lynn,
you're better than that.

- Next stop: yellow zone!

Can't wait to dig into
Dad's mashed potatoes.

- And my destination
is the green zone,

where I intend to feast on
father's savory meatloaf.

Nom-nom.

- Ew, gross.

Someone put something
in my zone called uni,

whatever that is.
- That would be a low fat,

high protein globular animal
in the Echinoidea class.

Street name: sea urchin.

- Well, see ya later!

[cat meows]

[munching]

Must be one of Lori's
gross health foods,

and it does not
belong in my zone.

- Ick, Lucy's homemade blood

does not belong in my zone.

Buh-bye.
[cat meows]

[upbeat jazz music]

- Ew! What is this black goo?

[sniffs]
Ew, it smells fishy.

Must be Lana's bait.
Not in my zone.

♪ ♪

- "Duck liver pate"?

Ew! Lisa!
If you wanna dissect animals,

don't put their icky organs
in my zone.

[cat groans]

[purrs]

[tires screech]
- If they can't be on time,

just cancel the appointment,
and move my 3:15 to 3:00,

my 4:15 to 4:00,

and my pedicure to 5:00.

- Oh, hi there--Lynn Loud Sr.
I am so glad to meet--

- Timothy McCole,
but call me Tim,

'cause Timothy takes
more time to say,

and time is the one thing
I don't have.

Now, let's see
what you got for me.

- Uh, don't worry, Tim,

you'll be eating
before you know it.

[screams]

[dramatic musical stings]

- Is everything all right?
- Um--uh, of course!

I--I--I always scream
when I open the fridge.

See?
[screaming]

- Okay, I guess every chef
has his own style.

- Uh, Tim, can I interest you

in, uh, apéritif?
[chuckles]

- Well, I'd really rather--
- Good, here's a juice box.

Go sit down.

I'll call you
once dinner's ready.

Where are all
my ding dang ingredients?

- Dad, are you okay?
We heard a woman yelling.

- No, I'm not okay.

There's an investor
in the living room

waiting to try my food, and
all my ingredients are gone!

[cat groans, vomits]

Well, there's my pâté...

And my caviar...

And my uni.

Cliff, how did you get
your paws on my ingredients?

- It wasn't Cliff's fault, Dad.

We threw out your ingredients.

He must've gotten them
out of the trash.

- What?
Wh--why would you do that?

- We didn't know
they were yours.

- See, we kinda divided
the fridge into zones,

because we'd been stealing
each other's leftovers.

- So when we found
your stuff in our zones,

we assumed someone
was violating the system.

- You kids know I love your
creative conflict resolutions,

but now I have nothing
to serve my investor!

- [slurping]

- And he's almost done
with his juice box!

- We're sorry, Dad.

We never meant for something
like this to happen.

- [sighs]
Well...

I guess my restaurant dreams
are in the toilet.

I better go tell No-Time Tim

his afternoon just opened up.

- Dad, wait!

What if you serve him
your leftovers!

- Yeah, that's a great idea.

- You can take the stuffed
pepper I've been saving.

- And, uh, I can part
with your meatloaf.

- And I'll give you this soup!

Mine-strone is now your-strone.

- Oh, that's a nice
thought, guys,

but Tim won't want any of that.

He's used to eating the most
amazing food in the world.

- But your leftovers are the
most amazing food in the world.

- Truth, Pop Star.

Look what we did
to keep 'em to ourselves.

- [sniffs]
Well...

I guess it's worth a shot.

[suspenseful music]

- [chomps, munching]

♪ ♪

[gulps]

Well, Lynn, I'm gonna
give it to you straight.

This is one of...

The best meals I've ever eaten!

- I knew it was a dumb idea.
I should've never served it!

I--um, wait, what?

- I've been all over the world,

and every chef serves me
the same thing.

Caviar, pâté, uni--

it's boring and uninspired.

Do you know
at the last place I ate,

the chef served me
air in a jar?

- Pfft! Ha! What a bozo!

- But your food is classic,

comforting, and delicious,

and when you travel
as much as I do,

there's nothing better than
food that tastes like home.

Ooh, I wanna be in
the Lynn Loud business!

- Wow, ha, thank you, Tim.

I--I--I don't know what to say!

- I don't do hugs.

[phone rings]
You got Tim.

- We do hugs!

- [exhaling]
- So, how did it go?

- Ah, Dad kicked butt!

- Yeah, I'm one step closer

to my dream of
owning a restaurant.

- I'm so proud of you, honey!

I guess he liked your uni
and your lemon air.

- Actually, he liked
my leftover Lynn-sagna,

just like you said.

- And all his
other leftovers too!

- That's wonderful!

This calls for a celebration.

Who wants some of
Dad's chocolate cake?

all: Me!

- Wait, I didn't see any
chocolate cake in the fridge.

- Well, that's because
I stashed it under the couch.

What, I can't claim
any leftovers?

- I'll go score us some!
- Lynn, wait!

[bang]
- Ahh!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house ♪

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house ♪

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy ♪

♪ Chaos with 11 kids ♪

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house ♪