The Loud House (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 22 - Really Loud Music - full transcript

- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[upbeat music]
♪
[feedback whines]
- Here we go.
[device chimes]
[rock music]
♪
♪ Rock 'n' roll is running through my veins ♪
- ♪ Hey! Hey!
- ♪ Electric soul like wires to my brain ♪
- ♪ Hey! Hey!
- ♪ I can't be wrong, don't need direction ♪
♪ I can find my way
♪ Play it loud, play it loud
♪ I got no time for turning it down ♪
♪ Play it loud, play it proud
♪ I live it, I breathe it
♪ Don't tell me I don't need it now ♪
♪ Play it loud
♪ Sorry I'm not sorry for being proud ♪
♪ Play it loud
♪ Turn it up until your speakers blow out ♪
♪ Until your speakers blow out ♪
♪ Until your speakers blow out ♪
♪ Until your speakers blow out ♪
[device beeps]
All right, let's do this.
Wish me luck, Mick!
[upbeat music]
- Hey there! I'm Michelle. - And I'm Doug.
- And we're the producers of "America's Next Hitmaker"!
- Here's how it works.
Submit your original song,
and if you make the top five,
you'll get to perform before millions on live TV!
- And if your song gets the most viewer votes,
you get a record deal.
- So upload your submission now,
'cause maybe you've got the song
the whole world will love!
- You know I do!
Wait. The whole world?
I mean, I love my song, but will everybody?
Maybe I better think about this.
[playful music]
- ♪ A plumber's job is never done ♪
♪ Especially in this house
♪ I've been dubbed the number one ♪
♪ To get the number twos to go down ♪
♪ But when life throws me a storm ♪
♪ I still sing along
♪ To the bang, bang of those pipes ♪
♪ That's my kind of song
- Killer song, Lans! - What song?
- The one you were just singing!
- I don't know what you're talking about.
I wasn't singing.
But this baby will be,
once I've replaced her trip lever.
[lively music]
- ♪ It is hard to make looking this good look easy ♪
♪ And it takes a few mistakes to be just right ♪
♪ Looking perfect is a gift
♪ When I feel meh, I act as if ♪
♪ A little lip gloss keeps me going all day long ♪
♪ When my high heels hit the floor ♪
♪ The applause becomes a roar
♪ And I hold the last note long ♪
♪ That's my kind of song
♪
My kind!
- Sweet performance, Lols!
You doing that song at your next pageant?
- What song? My pageant talent is martial arts right now.
Hiyah!
[explosion]
[hip-hop music]
- ♪ Yippee-ki-yay, yo, yo, yo ♪
♪ I make this Bunsen burner start to overflow ♪
♪ Mix some dope rhymes with a little H2O ♪
♪ My idiom for indium is shine like gold ♪
♪ Barium, radium, don't you be afraidium ♪
♪ I'm packing the palladium, they'll call it Lisa Stadium ♪
♪ Reppin' my hood from coast to coast ♪
♪ I'm better than sliced bread, they callin' me burnt toast ♪
- Uh, Lis? What were you just doing?
- Uh, working, per uzh.
- So you weren't just rapping?
Get it together, dude! You're wigging out!
- Do I detect some psychological distress?
I've been known to dabble in the soft sciences.
Take a seat.
- So I was about to hit send, but then I wondered,
is this the song the whole world will love?
And that's when I started hearing things.
Lola singing a show tune,
Lana doing her toilet jam.
- And me, spitting sick rhymes about the periodic table.
It's clear these aural hallucinations
are projections of your inner uncertainty.
Your subconscious is flipping between stations,
trying to find the right sound for your song.
- Dude! That makes total sense!
So what is the right sound?
[smooth music]
♪
- ♪ Is it a crush?
♪ Or maybe it's chemistry
♪ Maybe it's all in my head
Lori, look at this thread!
♪ Tell me what you see
♪ When he IMs my friends, is he trying to get me? ♪
♪ Look at this one again, what do you think it means? ♪
- ♪ He's got to like you for you ♪
♪ And your music too
♪ Don't want to call it "like" ♪
♪ If it isn't true
♪ It's online, it's not life ♪
♪ And the real world takes time ♪
♪ Just to figure out what's right or wrong ♪
♪ Throw down that slow jam groove ♪
both: ♪ We got our own kind of song
♪ Ooh
- Huh, maybe that's the kind of song people want to hear,
something deep and soulful.
[cheerful music]
- ♪ Every now and then I think the world's a scary place ♪
♪ But I remember it looks better ♪
♪ With a pie thrown at your face ♪
♪ If the glass looks half empty ♪
♪ Break off the empty half
♪ And use it as a pirate's leg ♪
♪ Give everyone a laugh!
♪ Rubber duckies, windup monkeys ♪
♪ 6-foot leprechauns
♪ Well, life's my stage, a laugh parade ♪
♪ Yeah, that's my kind of song ♪
Hey, hey!
- Well, it can't be that one.
[gloomy music]
♪
- The universe is empty.
And there's nothing to be sure of but darkness.
There's no music in the void,
so why bother anyway?
Embrace the emptiness. Own the futility.
The only song worth singing is silence.
- Heavy, man.
Maybe that's what people will dig.
Something dark and somber.
- Lynn-sanity in da house!
[techno music]
♪ Get pumped! What! Get ready! Huh! ♪
♪ This beat's about to get heavy, oh, yeah ♪
♪ Rough riders! Olé!
♪ That's the sound of me winning all day ♪
♪ I'm a walking trophy, got my beat, got my drums ♪
♪ Give me a T-R-O-F-Y
- I think you spelled that wrong!
- ♪ That's my kind of song
Yeah!
All right!
Whoo!
All right! Up top!
- Look what you did to Edwin,
you monster.
- What? You wanna go?
[grunting, blows falling]
- Okay, so maybe people want a song
that gets the blood pumping.
Oh, I don't know.
The more I hear, the more confused I get!
[country music]
- ♪ Darling, keep me company on the rocky road of life ♪
- ♪ We'll just sing in harmony ♪
♪ As the kids all scream, "Be quiet!" ♪
both: ♪ So let's turn up the radio and drive ♪
- ♪ I'll be out of tune
- ♪ I'll be out of time
- ♪ Don't have much to lose
- ♪ But we'll be fine
both: ♪ We're gonna keep singing loud and wrong ♪
♪ 'Cause that's our kind of song ♪
- Huh. Maybe a country song is the answer.
[electronic music]
But of course,
here comes another one.
both: ♪ And the beat goes on and on ♪
♪ Even if we get it wrong
♪ 'Cause friends don't think, they're just in sync ♪
♪ Best buds, amigos, the list goes on ♪
♪ Can't keep up, can't sing along ♪
♪ That's our kind of song
♪
- [sighs] Or...
maybe that's the ticket, something people can dance to.
Unless I should go with a slow jam,
o-or show tunes...
o-or maybe rap.
No, country!
[groans] It's hopeless!
[groans]
- ♪ The mic drops, we don't stop ♪
♪ Pretend the sun's never coming up ♪
♪ High tops, tube socks
- Ooh, I literally love this song!
- Shut up, so do I!
- ♪ Guess it's just whatever
♪ Whatever
♪ Put your hands in the air like the ceiling ain't there ♪
♪ Make this last forever
- Make a hole! Make a hole! This song is my jam!
[pop music continues]
- I should hate it...
but I don't.
- Likewise. Curse this inane yet diabolically catchy tune!
- ♪ Friday nights, summer lights ♪
♪ Just me, my friends, and I
♪ Top down, peel out
♪ But I'm yelling at my mom
♪ 'Cause I'm still too young to drive ♪
- Mom!
[dog barking]
- ♪ Guess it's just whatever
- I love this song!
- ♪ Put your hands in the air like the ceiling ain't there ♪
♪ Make this last forever
♪ Yeah, there's nothing's worse ♪
♪ Than that thing over there - Eww!
- ♪ And nothing's better than the best ♪
♪ Best, best thing ever
♪
[all cheering]
- Best song ever! - So catchy!
- Dude, bubblegum pop!
That's the kind of song the whole world loves!
- What a workout!
Who wants Flippees? I'll drive!
[all cheering]
- Luna, you coming?
- You guys go without me.
I've got a contest to win.
[device chimes]
- [exhales]
All right, take two.
♪ Clock is ticking
♪ Time is running out, every second counts ♪
♪ Overthinking
♪ I can't turn it off, so I'll tune it out ♪
♪ All we know is la la la la la ♪
♪ So might as well just la la la la la ♪
♪ We just want to la la la la la ♪
♪ All day long
♪ Everybody loves this, everybody does this ♪
♪ I'm just gonna do it too
♪ We don't need a new song, we already got one ♪
♪ I'm just gonna give you what everybody wants ♪
♪ What everybody wants ♪
♪ What everybody wants
♪ What everybody wants ♪
♪ Guess I want it too
[device beeps]
Now that's a song the whole world will love.
Upload, and...
Submit!
Fingers crossed, Mick!
Maybe someday I'll be opening for you.
[screams]
I'm in, I'm in, I'm in!
- In what, in what, in what?
- "America's Next Hitmaker"!
I just got an email saying my song made it to the top five!
[all cheering]
- We knew you could do it!
- Is it the song you've been playing
for the last couple of days?
[together] ♪ Play it loud, play it loud
♪ I got no time for turning it down ♪
- Actually, I submitted a different one.
I really want to win this contest,
so I needed a song the whole world would dig.
- Well, looks like you nailed it!
- [grunts] - Way to dominate!
- Thanks, dude.
But watch the diaphragm.
I still got to sing.
Whoa!
Rad!
- [clears throat] - Excuse me.
I think you might be in the wrong theater.
The auditions for "So You Think You Can Head Bang"
are down the street.
- No, dudes. I'm here for "America's Next Hitmaker."
I'm Luna Loud, one of the finalists.
♪ All we know is la la la la la ♪
- Ooh! Love it!
But you're not exactly what we expected.
- Yeah, your look is interesting,
but it doesn't really fit with your song.
- Oh, I-I was just trying to write something
the whole world would love.
- Great attitude. That's what this is all about.
- So now that you've got the song covered,
let's make you into a girl the whole world will love.
- Uh... - Nothing crazy.
Just a couple little tweaks.
Sometimes in the music biz,
you got to play the game to get the fame.
- You do want the fame, don't you?
- Well, sure. - Then trust us!
♪ We've got a lot of work to do and not a lot of time ♪
- ♪ Don't worry, dear, just sign right here ♪
♪ Don't read between the lines ♪
- ♪ That's not supposed to fit that way ♪
- ♪ Your hair, your boots, your clothes, oy vey! ♪
both: ♪ We know what to do
♪ We'll just fix a thing or two ♪
♪ Or three or four or five
♪ We love you, you're Luna, now change ♪
♪ You're destined for fortune and fame ♪
♪ There's so much room for improvement ♪
♪ We love you, you're Luna, now change ♪
♪ And we know it might feel wrong ♪
♪ But if you just play along
- ♪ Everybody's going to
both: ♪ Love what you've turned into ♪
♪ We love you, you're Luna, now change ♪
♪ It's all how you play the game ♪
♪ All big stars could use improvement ♪
♪ We love you, you're perfect
♪ We love you, you're worth it! ♪
♪ We love you, you're Luna
♪ Now change!
- Hey, Lola. - Dude. It's me, Luna.
[all gasp]
- Learn to take a compliment, sweetie.
- Luna, what happened to you? - Nothing.
The producers just made a few tweaks.
[sneezes] - A few tweaks?
You are literally unrecognizable.
- [scoffs] Give me a break, dude.
- Oh, hi. Rita Loud.
You must be one of Lori's friends.
- Mom! It's Luna!
[both gasp] - Chill, guys!
Sometimes in the music industry,
you got to play the game to get the fame.
They just don't get it, Mick.
- Don't worry, love. I do.
This is a tough business.
Only one in a million makes it.
You got to do what you got to do.
Besides, it's not like you're selling your soul.
- Right? That's what I'm saying!
- You're still you. You're still Luna Loud.
- Sorry, you're no longer Luna Loud.
- Excuse me, brah?
- We did some pre-show testing,
and the name Luna Loud
just doesn't say "girl the whole world loves."
- But your new one does!
- Lulu?
- Yep! Just Lulu!
Isn't it fabulous?
- This doesn't even have strings!
How am I supposed to play it?
- Oh, honey, you don't need to play!
Or sing. You just have to lip-synch.
- Almost showtime! Break a leg, Lulu!
- What?
[soft music]
♪ Who is that in the mirror? ♪
♪ Looking back, I don't know her ♪
♪ But she reminds me of someone I knew ♪
♪ Someone real, with imperfections ♪
♪ I can't deal, no direction ♪
♪ Lost the map, where it was leading me to ♪
♪ But maybe I was standing there all along ♪
♪ What have I done? Is it too late? ♪
♪ Trying to be someone I'm not, now I'm someone I hate ♪
♪ For a moment in the spotlight ♪
♪ Then it's gone
♪ What have I done? What price have I paid? ♪
♪ It ain't worth it no more, it's material made ♪
♪ I just want to be right back where I belong ♪
♪ What have I done?
♪ What have I done?
♪ Every note rearranged
♪ Every word is someone else's ♪
♪ Till I'm left with the ghost of a girl ♪
♪ I gave in and I regret it
♪ Gave too much but now I get it ♪
♪ Changed myself and lost my way to change the world ♪
♪ Maybe I can still rewrite that song ♪
♪ What have I done? Is it too late? ♪
♪ Trying to be someone I'm not, no, I won't be replaced ♪
♪ With a moment in the spotlight ♪
♪ Till it's gone
♪ What have I done? What price have I paid? ♪
♪ No, it's not worth it no more, it's material made ♪
♪ I just want to be right back where I belong ♪
♪ What have I done?
♪ What have I done?
♪ What have I done?
♪ What have I done?
- And then we'll fire the glitter cannons.
- Focus groups loved the glitter cannons.
- Um, Doug, Michelle,
I've been doing some thinking.
What if we made a few more tweaks?
- What do you have in mind?
- Well, how about if I actually perform the song?
And I do it in my regular clothes.
And I keep my name.
- Sweetie, those are a bit more than tweaks.
- I know, but-- - Let me break it down for you.
You go on as Lulu, or you don't go on at all.
Are we clear?
- [sighs]
[crowd cheering]
- Our next contestant hails from Royal Woods, Michigan.
- Whoo! It's Luna!
- Please give a warm welcome to Lulu!
[cheers and applause]
- Lulu? - What?
I'm so embarrassed.
I've been calling her Luna all these years!
- Sorry, I've made a huge mistake.
This isn't me. I'm not Lulu.
I am Luna Loud!
[crowd gasps]
- Mine!
[rock music]
♪
- ♪ Rock 'n' roll is running through my veins ♪
- ♪ Hey! Hey!
- ♪ Electric soul
♪ Like wires to my brain
- ♪ Hey! Hey!
- ♪ I can't be wrong, don't need direction ♪
♪ I can find my way
♪ Play it loud, play it loud
♪ I got no time for turning it down ♪
♪ Play it loud, play it proud
♪ I live it, I breathe it
♪ Don't tell me I don't need it now ♪
♪ Play it loud
♪ Sorry I'm not sorry for being proud ♪
♪ Play it loud, turn it up until your speakers blow out ♪
- You're disqualified!
- ♪ Hey!
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ♪ First things first, I ain't no second place ♪
♪ Rules are meant for bending till they break ♪
♪
♪ Right or wrong, with no exceptions ♪
♪ Rocking out my way
♪ Play it loud, play it loud
♪ I got no time for turning it down ♪
♪ Play it loud, play it proud
♪ I live it, I breathe it
♪ Don't tell me I don't need it now ♪
♪ Play it loud
♪ Sorry I'm not sorry for being proud ♪
♪ Play it loud
♪ Turn it up until your speakers blow out ♪
♪ Until your speakers blow out ♪
♪ Until your speakers blow out! ♪
[cheers and applause]
- Do you know what you've just given up?
- Yeah, but I know what I'm keeping.
The real Luna Loud!
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house - ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house