The Loud House (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Loud House - full transcript

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪



- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[mysterious music]

♪

[bell rings]

- I hear the screams
are so loud,

you can't even
hear yourself scream.

- I hear it's so scary

they give you diapers
before you go in.

- I hear a deranged clown
chases you with barbecue tongs.

- What are you guys
talking about?



- The Royal Woods
House of Terror

just opened for the season

and we're finally
old enough to go.

Check it out:

Zombies, vampires, mutants,

all waiting to pounce on you
the minute you step inside.

- Dude, don't bother
telling them about it.

They'll never go.

Everyone knows they're the
biggest chickens in our class.

- Oh, yeah?

Then how come we already
got tickets to it, Chandler?

- We did?

Oh, right, we did.

I totally forgot
because I'm so excited

and not at all terrified.

[whimpers]
[loud thud]

[both scream]

- Oh, really?

When are you going?

- Uh, tomorrow night.

- Cool, then we'll get our
tickets for tomorrow night too.

That way,
we can all go together.

[chuckles]

- Great, looking
forward to it.

- I'll bet you are.

- Oh, man,
what did we just do?

How are we gonna get
through the House of Terror?

- I won't even get up
to pee at night

if my Blarney night light
isn't on.

I better call Dr. Lopez.

[phone line ringing]

Oh, no, it went to voicemail.

[breathing heavily]

- Wait, I've got
an idea.

Maybe we can toughen ourselves
up before tomorrow night

so we'll be able to handle
the House of Terror,

and I know who can help us.

- [exhales]

- So what do you say?

Are you up for scaring
the daylights out of us?

- Yeah!
- I'm in.

- Lucy, you're our resident
scream queen.

What do you suggest?

- I've got a few ideas.

[thunder crashes]

[knocks on door]

We're ready, Lincoln.

- We can do this.

- Totally.

both: Clincoln McCloud.

[both gasp]

[teeth chattering]

- Uh, it doesn't
look so bad.

Thanks for
the encouraging pat, buddy.

- You too.

both: That's not me.

all: Boo!

[both scream]

both: Ugh.

- Whoops.
- Whoopsie.

[teeth chattering]

- This is my fault.

I gave you
too much fright too soon.

- [chattering]
It's okay.

- [chattering]
You m-m-m-meant well.

- We'll dial the scares
back a little for round two.

- Okay, Luce,
we're ready to try again.

- What have you got for us?

- Actually, I just
ordered you guys a pizza.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, and there it is.

- Pizza?
Not afraid of that.

- Me neither.

both: P-p-p-pizza!

[both laugh]

[chainsaw whirs]

[both scream]

- Oof.
- Oh.

[eyeballs rattle]

- Oh, too much?

[teeth chattering]

- Sorry, I'll dial it
back some more.

You guys better now?

Okay, let's
try this again.

- Lincoln, Clyde,
I'm glad you're here.

I have a bone to pick with you.

Or should I say 206 bones?

[evil laugh]

[both scream]

[both groan]

- Sorry.

Here's an easy one.

All you have to do
is go down in the basement.

- We can definitely
do this.

Though it sure is
dark down there.

[stair creaks]

[both scream]

- Sorry.

All you have to do is go
in my room and open the coffin.

- Brightly lit empty room?

We got this one.

It's empty.

- Phew, that
wasn't so bad.

- I knew you could do it.

[both scream]

both: Whoa!

- Sorry.

Okay, even less scary.
Got it.

- [howls]

[both scream]

- Lily, wrong time to break out
your new wolf jammies.

[teeth chattering]

- Sigh.

- Hey, guys.
- What's the word?

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Uh, why are you
wrapped in blankets?

And, Lincoln,
why are you holding Bun Bun?

- Lucy's been trying

to prep us to go to
the House of Terror tonight.

- We told some classmates
we'd meet them there,

and we don't wanna
look like chickens.

- Dudes, I worked at the House
of Terror a few seasons ago.

I used to haul people
to the first aid tent

when they passed out.

- Passed out?

- Yeah, I'd just throw 'em
in the wheelbarrow.

- Wheelbarrow?

- Tell you what,
why don't I call

and see if any of my friends
still work there?

I'm sure they'd let us

take a tour of the place
with all the lights on.

Maybe that would help
make you less scared.

both: That'd be awesome!

[thunder crashes]

[creepy music]

- This place
doesn't look so bad, Clyde.

- Yeah, we got this.

Why, hello there,
Mr. Squirrel.

High five, boop.

- You guys
ready for the tour?

[both scream]

- We got to stop
doing that.

[bird caws]

- You can do this,
little dudes.

There's nothing
to be afraid of.

[shoes squeak]

- Ah!

both: Spider webs!

- Check it,
they're just string.

both: Huh.

[both scream]

- They're just
paper-mache.

Styrofoam.

Food coloring.

Toilet paper.

Yogurt with
fruit mixed in.

See, it's all
special effects.

- I guess you're right.

[both scream]

- That's not!

- No, it's just Mrs. Bernardo,
my old drama teacher.

Hey, Mrs. B.

- Bobby, what a nice surprise.

What brings you back
to Royal Woods?

- Just giving
my friends a tour.

- Hello.

both: Hello.

- Tell your mom
we miss her at bingo.

- Will do.

- [snarling]

[both scream]

- Relax.

That's just Mr. Wisniewski,
the crossing guard.

He likes jobs where
he can be on his feet.

- [blows whistle]

- Oh, thank you, sir.

- And, finally, this is what

we in the haunted house biz
call a bail out door.

- Ooh.

- Things get too scary tonight,
you can just run outside here.

- Thanks, Bobby, but I
don't think we'll need it.

- Yeah, this place
is just special effects

and friendly town folk.

It's not scary at all.

- You really
saved our butts, Bobby.

Can we treat you
to a thank-you Flippee?

- Oh, you bet.

But before we leave,

I want to go say hi
to the flesh-eating mutant.

He's my old T-ball coach.

[thunder crashes]

- We've totally
got this, Clyde.

- Totally.

- Aw, an encouraging squirrel
high five.

Boop.

[bird caws]

- Miss Bernardo?

- Aren't you supposed
to be inside

getting ready
to scare people?

- Not anymore.

Management just let
the entire staff go.

- What? Why?

- Word got back to them
that you kids took a tour today

and didn't find the place
very scary.

both: Oh. [chuckles]

Ugh.

- So they decided to do
a complete overhaul.

Apparently it's
100 times scarier now.

- It's scarier
and we got everyone fired?

This is a double bagger.

[breathing heavily]

- [laughs]
Don't worry about me, honey.

This gives me more time to work
on my ♪ one woman show

- What are we gonna do?

We'll never
get through this.

- Maybe we can get out of here
before Chandler shows up.

- What up, chumps?

- Dang it.

- You guys actually made it.

I didn't think you would.

[door creaks]

After you.

[both gulp]

- Sure is dark in here.

- [cackles]

[both screaming]

- [screams]

- We'll go this way.

You chumps go that way.

See you chickens
at the exit.

- [screams]

- [screams]

[both scream]

- [growls]

[both scream]

[both breathing heavily]

- Brains.

[both screaming]

- We gotta find
that bail out door.

- My thoughts exactly.

[all screaming]

- That was the scariest
experience of my life.

- I need a hug.

- Well, who's gonna hug me?

- Bring it in, dude.

[both screaming]

[both breathing heavily]

- Oh, man,
the bail out door

was much farther
than I thought.

- They really need to work
on their signage.

- Hey, guys,
how'd you get out before us?

- Oh, well, uh...

- We took the bail out door.

That place was way too scary.

Ow.

- Guess you guys
made it all the way through.

[both scream]

- Yeah, I guess we did.

- Are you gonna rat us out
to everyone at school

for being chickens?

- No, that wouldn't be cool.

- Oh, you guys are all right.

I'm sorry for always
messing with you.

- Forget it.

- Yeah, we're good.

- Hey, you guys want to go
to Gus' for some pizza?

- Sure.
- Sounds great.

- Wow, friends
with Chandler.

Who would have thunk it?

- Do you think we should tell
him we only made it to the end

because we couldn't find
the bail out door?

both: Nah.

- That'll be
our little secret.

Aw, he's wearing
a crow costume.

- Are you trying
to scare us too?

You cute little--
[both scream]

[dramatic music]

♪

- [gasps]

[screams]

- Lucy, I need you to show me
how to do that cat eye again.

I'm trying
a "night on the town" look.

- Give me one second.

- [gasps]

I didn't know you had a doll.

She--she's breathtaking.

Where did you get her?

- I found her in one

of Great-Grandma Harriet's
trunks in the attic.

- Well, you absolutely must
allow me to throw her

a "welcome to the family"
tea party.

- Oh, sorry,
Lola, but no.

She's really fragile.

I have to take
special care of her.

I spent all day making
this coffin to keep her safe.

- A doll this beautiful
deserves to be played with,

not left in a creepy coffin.

I can keep her safe, I swear.

- It's not that
I don't trust you,

but I know things can get
a little crazy in your room.

- [scoffs]
That is not true.

- Yeah!

Reel it in, you guys!

[loud crash]

Sorry, Lise.

Sorry, Lols.

Broke another teacup.

Actually, make that
the whole set.

- Sorry, Lola.
The answer is no.

- [groans]

I have to find a way
to play with that doll.

- Ahem, Lucy,
may I present to you

"Reasons Lola Loud Should
be Trusted with Lucy's Doll."

- Save your breath.

Lucy's not here.

She's at a poetry convention
all day.

Oh, that means there's
an extra breakfast downstairs.

Dibs on Lucy's bacon!

- Gone all day?
Hmm.

You're even more beautiful
than I remembered.

Oh, and you look
so bored in there,

no one to gossip with over
Earl Grey and crumpets.

You know, we could have
a really great tea party

and I could get you back into
this coffin before Lucy's home.

Mr. Sprinkles, Eunice, you two,

please welcome--
oh, we need a name for you.

How about Lady Rosalind

Cordelia Annabella
Pembrookington,

or Rosie for short.

Tea?

[humming]

I'll make it extra sweet
for you.

[gasps]
Oh, no.

Oh, no, Lucy's gonna kill me.

Maybe it's not that noticeable?

Gaa, of course it is!

[breathing heavily]

Don't panic.
You can fix this.

[bell dings]

I know!

Come on, Mr. Sprinkles.

I need emotional support.

No offense, Eunice.

You're a delight,

but I just don't think we have
that kind of relationship.

Rosie, you just sit there
and chat with Mr. Sprinkles

while I wash your dress.

[gasps]

[screams]
It soaked through!

[groans]

Well, I suppose your body
can go in the wash

but your delicate
porcelain head can't.

So I'll just...

[groaning]

[gasps]

- Oh, Rosie, I'm so sorry.

Mr. Sprinkles, what do I do?

Hmm.

There we go.

That should hold.

I don't know,
what do you guys think?

Ugh, I know
it looks bad, Eunice,

but as my friend, you aren't
supposed to say that.

I'm sorry.
I'm having a day.

Maybe I can just cover
the crack with her hair?

[gasps]

Ah, could this possibly
get any worse?

[screams]
How did this happen?

Great, the one day of the year
Lana washes her hat.

[glass breaking]

Well, this is
beyond fixing so...

[laughs]

Hmm.

I need a ride
to the antique district now,

no questions asked.

- Wait, do you need to go
tinkle before we leave?

- What did I just say?
But yes.

Circle the block.

[tires squeal]

What do you think,
Mr. Sprinkles?

If I change the eyeliner,
curl the hair,

and file down the teeth,

she just might pass
for the original.

I'll take her.

And all of those.

[thunder crashes]

That should do it.

[gasps]
Lincoln, hello.

Lovely weather
we're having.

- Uh, yeah, I guess.

Hey, have you seen my glue?

- Pfft, why would I have?

What do you think, I go around
swiping people's glue?

- You don't have
to get mad about it.

- I'm not mad!

You were once so beautiful,

but now I have
to get rid of you.

Sorry, Rosie, but if Lucy
finds you, I'm toast.

Here, in case you get thirsty.

[birds tweeting]

Ah.

Good morning, sweet princes
and princesses.

[gasps]
[screams]

Rosie, how did you
get back up here?

I put you
in the crawl space.

Maybe I just dreamed it.

Yeah, it was probably that
cheese I ate right before bed.

Always gives me nightmares.

[dog whines]

You saw nothing.

[dog whimpers]

I know, and it's like

just because you have
a beautiful mane

does not make you
the fashion police, am I right?

I'm right.

[screams]

What are you doing here?

I buried you, and that
was not a cheese dream.

[gasps]

You're haunted.

[thunder crashes]

[shudders]

Of course you are.

You belong to Lucy.

Well, my little friend,

you picked the wrong person
to haunt.

Sayonara, spooky.

Good luck getting back
from the dump.

- Hey, Lols,
how's it going?

- Ugh, Lincoln,
what's with the third degree?

It's none of your business
how it's going.

- Why are you so mad?

- I'm not mad!

[screams]

Seriously?

Okay, that's it.

I am taking care of this
creepy doll once and for all!

- Hey, Lols,
where are you off to?

- Ugh, why are you
everywhere?

Shouldn't you be playing
with Clyde or something?

- Clyde's at his weekly
therapy appointment.

He invited me, but...

[tires squeal]

- Ahh.

- Flip, you old scoundrel,
you still got that boat?

- Well, depends
who's asking.

You with the taxman?

- No, I'm six.

- Ah, then yep.
What can I do you for?

- I need a ride
to Tall Timbers Pond, midnight,

on the side where
the dock lights are burned out.

- Ah, it's one
of those kinds of trips.

Well, I can do it,
but it's gonna cost you.

- Money's no object, Flip.

I've lost a lot
of baby teeth lately.

- [groaning]

How much farther?

You know, I charge
by the nautical mile.

- This is fine right here.

So long, sister.

What are you lookin' at?

- Nothing.

Ah, I don't want
any trouble.

- Keep your yap shut
and you won't get any.

Now row.

[bird caws]

Hmm?

[gasps]

[thunder crashes]

[gasps]

[screams]

[breathing heavily]

Lucy!

- Hey, Lola.
Glad you're here.

I just drew the ace of wands,
which means you're going--

- Never mind that.

We need to barricade the door.

Help me move this dresser.

- Uh, want to tell me
what's going on?

- [sighs]
Okay.

I took your creepy doll
and then I broke her

and now she's haunting me.

I'm so sorry, Lucy.

You told me not to touch her,

and I should have
listened to you.

- You broke her?

She looks fine to me.

- Uh, that--yeah,
that's not your doll.

That is!

[thunder crashes]

- Whoa, how did you
even do this?

- Well, it began
as a simple tea stain,

and then things kind of
progressed from there.

[sighs]
I'm a terrible sister.

- No, you're not.

I forgive you.

It's not like you
did this on purpose.

- Thank you, Luce.

You're really nice.

So can you please get her
to stop haunting me and stuff?

- She was probably
just haunting you

because you took her away
from her rightful owner.

Now that
you've given her back,

I'm sure
she'll leave you alone.

- Phew.

Well, that's a relief.

And sorry again for wrecking
your doll and stuff.

- Wrecking her?

Now that I know
she can haunt people,

I like her even better.

- Of course she does.

[mouse squeaks]
[frog croaks]

- Whoa, guys, wrong way!

[frog croaks]

Sorry, Lynn.

I'm still training 'em.

- No big.

They probably smell
the sandwich I left down there.

[mouse squeaks]

Whoop, looks like Lola's doll
got out of our room again.

- That's not Lola's.

That's Lucy's.

- It is?

Oh, well, I feel like a dummy,

'cause I kept finding it
in all these weird places

and returning it to our room.

First it was
in the crawl space,

then buried in the backyard,
then at the dump.

I even found it at the bottom
of Tall Timbers Pond

when I was visiting
my fish friends.

- Weird, how'd it get
to all those places?

- I don't know, Lynn.

How do boogers get made?

Some stuff is
just unexplainable.

- Yeah, true that.

- Hey, you guys better share!

Dibs on the pickles!

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with 11 kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house