The Loud House (2016–…): Season 2, Episode 11 - The Loud House - full transcript

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪



- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[surf rock]

♪♪

[ominous music]

♪♪

[maniacal laughter]

- Game over, Ace Savvy
and One-Eyed Jack!

- Think again, Wild Card Willy!

I've got a few more cards
up my sleeve.

[horn honking]



- All right girls,
let's deal with these losers.

♪♪

- Eep! Get them!

- You take the baby.
I'll take the princess.

- Excuse you.
I am the queen.

- Aah!
- [grunts]

- Aah!

- Get ready to do
the bad-guy shuffle.

[electric guitar]

- No aces in this hole.

[footsteps running]

- 52 pick-up!

- Or more precisely, six.

Make that seven.

- Hey guys,
check out my new outfit.

It's perfect for fall weather

and springing into action!

Ugh, these belts are so '90s.

- Wild Card's getting away!

- Hey, Willy, go fish!

- Aah!

Wah!

- I see your bet and raise you!
[laughs]

- Willy, why do you always
have to play dirty cards?

- 'Cause that's the only way
to clean up.

So, I guess it's off to jail
for me.

[together] The end.

- That was sick!
- Awesome!

- Where'd you get the idea
for all those

butt-kicking super ladies?

- From my sisters.
They've always got my back.

Except for Lola.

You never turn your backon Lola.

- So if you fellas win
the contest,

they'll make this here
into a real Ace Savvy comic?

- And we'll get to meet
the creator, Bill Buck!

- Bill Buck!

- Well, I think your comic's
totally gonna win.

- Darn tootin'.
- Word.

- Loud, McBride, school time is
meant for learning,

not for doodling
degenerate fantasies.

This trash belongs to me now.

- But Principal Huggins,
you can't take our comic!

- Oh, and now you're
giving me sass?

That's detention!
Today. Till 5:00.

- But we have to get
to the post office by 4:00.

That's the contest deadline.

- Oh, I didn't realize.
I'll just give it back to you.

Not!

I've got just the thing

to keep those doodling hands
of yours busy:

cleaning erasers.

- But we're not criminals.
All we did was make a comic.

And we're getting it back.

[grunting]

Dang it. He locked us in
from the outside.

- [snarls]

- Okay, plan B:
we'll sharpen a bunch of pencils

and dig our way out.

- Or I could just pick the lock.

Not that your idea wasn't great.

- Lola?
Why are you busting us out?

- 'Cause we heard about Huggins
confiscating your comic book.

- The one starring me
as Queen of Diamonds.

- And me as The Royal Flush.

- You think we're gonna let
some power-tripping principal

take away our chance
to get famous?

- Sweet! Now we just got
to find a way

to sneak into Huggins' office
and get our comic back.

- Maybe we can use your pencils.

- Forget that. Hop on.

- I tried, buddy.

We got to find a way to get
Huggins out of his office.

- It's taken care of.

- Principal Huggins!
Principal Huggins!

We have got a situation
in the gym!

- Aah!
[bats squeaking]

- I'm on it!

- Now we have
to distract Cheryl.

- It's taken care of.

- Hello, Cheryl.
I took the liberty

of assessing the school budget,

and encountered numerous
instances of wasteful spending.

- Oh, that's very cute, sweetie,

but I'm sure everything here is
in order.

- Item one:
the two dozen fresh cut roses

you sent to yourself
on Secretary's Day.

Put on a pot of coffee,
sweetie.

We're gonna be here a while.

- Come on. Come on.
Where is it?

- There!

- Problem solved, Cheryl.

We got rid of the bats,
and Coach is resting comfortably

after his rabies shot.

I'm headed home for the day.

You can let Loud and McBride out
of detention at 5:00,

but only if the erasers are
clean.

- [gasps] Oh, no!

Huggins just took our comic
home with him!

- And worse: we didn't finish
cleaning the erasers!

- There goes Huggins!

How are we gonna catch up
to him?

- It's taken care of.

- Lincoln, where have you been?

The post office closes
in 30 minutes!

- Change of plans.
Principal Huggins has the comic.

Follow that golf cart,
High Card.

- Let's rock, dudes!

[rock music]

♪♪

- [humming]

♪ Ooh girl

♪ If I could
ooh girl ♪

- I got eyes on the comic.

- Yeesh!

- Raccoon!

[all shouting]

[horn honks]

- Move it, lady!

- Oh, am I going too slow
for you?

[beeping]

- Guys, we're literally
losing him!

- Don't worry.
He won't give us the slip.

- ♪ Ooh girl
do-do-do ♪

Whoa!

Whoa-oh-oh!

- We still have five minutes
to get it to the post office.

- Let's roll.
- And rock!

[rock music]

[thump]
Dudes, I can't play action music

if there's no action.

- Bad news, guys.

We pushed Vanzilla too hard.

[together] No!

- Hey, guys,
check out the new look!

- Leni, this isn't the time
to talk about fashion.

♪♪

- I never thought I'd say this,
but good thinking, Leni.

- I got the idea from Lincoln's
coloring book.

- Thanks for the tow!
[pig oinks]

- Just hurry up
and make us famous!

[together] This needs
to be mailed by four o'clock.

What are you doing here?

- Is that a comic book?

- A what? No.

I mean, shouldn't you boys be
in detention?

- It is a comic book.

"The Adventures of Ace Savvy
and the Principal Valiant"

by Wilbur T. Huggins.

- [gasps] You're entering
the Ace Savvy contest?

- And your name is Wilbur?

- Look!
New commemorative stamps!

Aah! Oof!

- So that's why you confiscated
our comic book

and put us in detention:

to knock us out of the running!

- Okay, okay, I did it,
but I had to.

When I heard
how great your comic was,

I knew mine wouldn't
stand a chance.

- But, sir, why is a comic book
contest so important to you?

You're a successful
school administrator.

You've got your own golf cart.

- Yes, it's true.
I have it all.

But it wasn't always this way.

When I was your age,
I didn't have a lot of friends.

But I had Ace.

Yeah! Get 'em, Ace!

Way to deal out some justice!

[baseball bat thwacks]

[all laughing]

- Look at him!

- Those comics meant the world
to me.

I wanted to win the contest
so I could meet Bill Buck

and thank him for getting me
through a lonely childhood.

But I went too far.
I'm sorry, boys.

You deserve to win. Not me.

As Ace Savvy would say,
deal me out.

- Wow. I guess there's more
to Huggins than meets the eye.

- Yeah. And his story
just gave me an idea.

both: Principal Huggins, wait!

- Oh, yes, of course.
You'll need my administrator ID

to report me
to the school board.

- No!
We're not reporting anyone.

Clyde and I get it.

Ace has gotten us
through some tough times too.

- Yeah, like when Lori
first got together with Bobby.

It was a rainy Tuesday.
I wore suede shoes.

That was a mistake.

- I think he gets the idea,
Clyde.

And we're not mad,
because you just gave us

a much better ending
for our comic.

- I did?
- You did.

But we got to hurry.
We only have a minute.

- I think I can buy you
a few minutes.

[jazz music]

- I'm sorry, sir.
We're closing.

Ooh.

- Hello, Mrs... Lee, is it?

I believe your son Wyatt
attends my school.

How would he like
a little extra recess?

Maybe a get-out-of-gym pass?

- Willy, why do you always have
to play dirty cards?

- I'm not an evil guy.
I was just dealt a bad hand.

As a lonely kid, the only game
I knew was solitaire.

So I guess it's off to jail
for me.

- I have a better idea.

[tires screech]

- The Old Maid's making off
with the jackpot!

- You'll never catch me, Savvy!
[laughs]

- Oh, I wouldn't be so sure,

'cause we've got a new cardto play.

- Time to deal out some justice.

- I love the ending!

Especially when we learn
Wild Card was a lonely kid.

I read a lot of entries
with great action sequences,

but none with this kind
of heart.

- It was inspired
by our principal here.

He really wanted to meet you.

- Sir, it is an honor.
I just never--

ah, this is the best day of my--
[sighs]

- Hey, what did you think
of the Queen of Diamonds?

Wasn't she your favorite part?

Here. Let me show you some
of my ideas for an action figure

and a bed sheet set.

[all shouting at once]

- Whoa. This is kind of
a full house.

[upbeat music]

♪♪

[bird tweeting]

[cat meows]

- Hey, guys, we're home!

- How's my Felis catus?
- Oh, you're so cute!

I love you so much!
- Yes, you are!

- Sit, Charles.

Now shake.

Now play dead.

- Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...

- Get the dot! Go get the dot!

- I'm trying,
but it's going too fast!

[baby laughing]

- Guys! Guess what I found!

[dog whimpers]

- Ooh! Pretty earmuffs. Give me!

- They're not earmuffs.
This is a dog.

I found it wandering
in the park.

It doesn't have a collar.

all: Aww!

[all speaking at once]

- Are you hungry, little guy?

- Dudes, we should give him
a treat.

- I was literally just going
to say that.

Except for the "dudes" part.

[dog barks]

[dog barks, cat meows]

[bird tweets, hamster squeaks]

- Aw, sorry, guys.

You can have treats anytime.

Right now this poor lost doggie
is hungry.

[all groan]

- Aww!
- Lay your weary head

to rest, brah.

- Uh, that's his butt.
- Bogus.

[cat meows]
- Ow, Cliff! No claws.

- Ahh. I loaned the puppy
my toothbrush,

so now we're both ready for bed.

- Well, too bad he's sleepingwith me.

- I don't want to get ruff
with you,

but he's sleeping with me.

- Nuh-uh!

He's sleeping in my bed!
- False!

[whistle blows]

- Fear not, siblings.
I have the solution.

There are eight hours of sleep
and eleven siblings

who desire to share
their slumber

with the adorable canine.

Therefore, said canine will
spend 43.6 minutes in each bed.

all: Agreed!

- Sorry, buddy.
I got to keep this spot free

for my 43.6 minutes.

[dog whimpers]
- Sorry, Walt.

- Sorry, Cliff.
- Sorry, Geo.

[dog groans]

[meowing, squeaking, chirping]

- [barking]
- Pets for sale!

Come get your pre-owned,
previously loved pets!

[cat yowling]

[cat yowls]

[animals cheer]

[whispering]

- [whistles]

- [barking]

[glass shatters]

- [gasps] Our wedding present
from Aunt Ruth!

I have been wanting to get rid
of that ugly thing for years,

but I felt too guilty.

You get a treat.

Oops, that's your butt.

- [humming]

You ate the whole thing? Oh!

Finally someone who appreciates

my liverwurst, shrimp,
and hot mayo casserole!

[sighs] Usually,
eating it's a one way ticket

to the sink or toilet, huh?

[stomachs growl]

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

- [gasps, then giggles]

- [barks]

[barks]

[barks]

[all speaking at once]

foreboding music]

♪♪

- [gasps]
Look at those muddy paws!

- You know what that means!

all: Bath time!

- I'll grab my loofah!
- Yeah!

- Look at this little puppy!

- [barks]

- Green Mile Pet Sanctuary.
This is Schmitty.

How may I help you?

- [barking]

- You sound like a stray,
little doggie.

Keep on barking
so I can track your location.

- [barks]

- Got you!

- [barking]

- [whistles]

- [whines]

- Schmitty, this is Corinne.
Got your stray. Over.

[engine revs]

[peaceful music]

- We'll return
to the 12:30 movie after this.

- Here at the
Green Mile Pet Sanctuary,

we need your help.

All of these cute little
animals need a home.

For just the cost
of a cup of coffee,

you could save the life of an
adorable, helpless friend.

Won't you adopt one today?

Green Mile Pet Sanctuary.

- [barking]

[adventure music]

♪♪

- [meows]

- [meowing]

♪♪

[phone rings]

- Green Mile Pet Sanctuary.

This is Schmitty.
How can I help you?

What the heck?

all: Shh!

- [whimpers]

[barks]

[barks]
all: Shh!

- Cheap, crummy monitors.

Mmm, like those lumps.

Hey! Get back here!

Doh!

♪♪

- Oh, yeah! Corinne for the win!

Schmitty, this is Corinne.
Over.

I apprehended the fugitive
and his accomplices.

We're gonna need
four more cages. Over.

[maniacal laughter]
Over.

[growling and screeching]

[heroic music]

♪♪

- What? Oh, no, you don't.

[tires squeal]

[laughter]

Whoa!

- [barks]

- [laughs]

Nice try, you little
troublemakers.

[thud]

[laughs] Got you!

You got to get up pretty early
in the mor--

- [barking]

- Well, yeah, that one,
but he'll get his.

[dark music]

Oh, but don't you worry.
I'll find that--

- [snarling]
- Huh?

[heroic music]

Ow!

[screaming]

- Well, Clyde hasn't seen them.
- Neither has Bobby.

Come on. We have to go look
for them.

Everyone, bring your posters.

- I don't know what I'm gonna do
if we don't find them! [crying]

- Whilst I normally view animals
as mere test subjects,

those little guys are family.

[all crying]

[dog barks]

- Sometimes I can still
hear them.

[all crying]
[dog barking]

Wait!

[all cheering]

- [whining]

[all speaking at once]

- You, too, new puppy!
Get in here.

You're part of our family, too.

[together]
You're an official Loud.

[doorbell rings]

- Hi. My name's Clare.
I'm looking for my dog.

He slipped out of his collar,
and--Watterson!

There you are!
I've missed you!

Oh! How I've missed you!

He's my best friend
in the whole wide world.

Thank you for taking care
of him.

- It was literally our pleasure.

- Aw, looks like you're
going home, little dude.

- Uh, Luna, that's his butt.

- Bye, Watterson.
I'm sorry you won't be a Loud,

but I'm glad
your friend found you.

- [barks]
- Come on, Watterson.

Time to get you home.

all: Bye!

- We'll miss you!
- Love you!

- Come on, Watterson!
Come on, boy!

- We're so glad you're home.

How about we all go to the
kitchen for a nice big treat?

- Does anyone know
why my slide projector was

in Charles' dog house?

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with 11 kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.