The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 26 - The Loud House - full transcript
Lincoln gets a tutor that all his sisters instantly get crushes on, making it impossible for Lincoln to study. The kids complain about their house, but when a tornado threatens to destroy it, they start to feel differently.
- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls
like ping pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach
the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can
smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do
what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪
♪ Duck, dodge,
push and shove ♪
♪ This is how
we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪
♪ Loud! Loud! Loud!
♪ Loud House! ♪
- Boo boo.
- ♪
- Ah, nothing like reading
comics on a peaceful summer--
- [horn honking]
- [gasps]
- Uh, a little help?
- Back from another
birthday party?
- Uh, my third gig
this weekend.
I could really use
an assistant.
Hey, what about you?
You're great with Gary.
- [Gary chomps]
- Hey, stop that!
I thought Lucy
was helping you.
- ♪
- And now, if my assistant will
just hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [birds chirping]
- [balloons pop]
- You killed the dinosaur!
- KIDS:
[booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- [chicken squeaks]
- Lucy didn't work out.
Neither did Lynn.
What do you say
we add some melon?
- KIDS:
[cheering]
- [watermelon thuds]
- KIDS: [booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Leni.
Why are clowns
never bored?
'Cause we're good
at keeping occu-pied.
[clears throat]
I said, good at keeping
occu-pied.
- KIDS:
[cheering]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Lisa.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- Hey, birthday boy.
Why don't you take
the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- KIDS:
[laughing]
- No, no!
No one eat that cake!
It clearly causes
gastrointestinal distress.
- KIDS:
[crying]
- [buzzer rings]
- Well, I am so honored to
be your fifth choice.
- Come on, Lincoln.
Please?
I really need your help.
- I don't know.
I'm not really
the performing type.
I don't want to make
a fool of myself on stage.
- Don't worry.
That's my job.
All you have to do
is help with the props.
- Uh, I don't
think it's for--
What's that?
- Ah, just birthday cake.
I always get sent home
with leftovers.
- Oh...
[drooling]
- Usually I share it
with my assistant.
But since this job
isn't for you--
- When did I say that?
- [bell ringing]
- LUAN: Why are
clowns never bored?
'Cause we're good at
keeping occu-pied!
- LINCOLN: [screams]
- [loud crash]
- Sorry!
- KIDS:
[laughing, cheering]
- That was awesome.
The part when I tripped,
and then the audience laughed,
and then clapped?
Amazing!
- Glad you enjoyed it.
Now here, I need you
to clean this.
Gary pooped in it.
- [foghorn bellows]
- What do you say
we add some melon?
- KIDS:
[cheering]
- Whoa, nelly!
- KIDS:
[laughing]
- Man, great crowd, huh?
- Yeah, super.
So, what was that all about
with the watermelon?
- Well, you know,
audiences seem to love it
when I fall down, so--
- Let me worry
about the audience.
You take care of deodorizing
these clown shoes.
- Whoopsy-daisy!
- [loud crash]
- LENI & LANA: [laughing]
- See? I do know what
audiences like.
- And now, if my assistant will
hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [high-pitched voice]
I went a little overboard
with the helium.
Whoa, good gravy!
- [loud crash]
- KIDS:
[laughing, cheering]
- What did one plate
say to the other?
Lunch is on me.
- KIDS: [laughing]
- Gadzooks!
- KIDS: [laughing]
- I guess lunch is on me.
- KIDS: [laughing]
- [laughs]
He is hilarious.
- I know. LOL.
I just learned
what that means.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- All right,
birthday boy.
Why don't you take
the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- Holy macaroni!
- [loud crash]
- KIDS:
[laughing]
[excited chatter]
- Boy, we are killing it.
But I've been thinking,
maybe you should do a little
less of the talky stuff
and more of
the pratfalls.
- Are you kidding me?
- What?
- Look, Lincoln.
Just because you
got a few laughs
does not make you
an expert on clowning.
There's a lot more to it than
just falling on your butt.
- Well, the audience
sure seems to like my--
- Lincoln, enough!
No more pratfalls.
I am the clown.
You are the assistant.
Now go refill these
whoopee cushions.
- But they're
already inflated.
- [farting noises]
- Not anymore.
- [door slams]
- Oh, yeah?
Well, that would've been funnier
if you'd fallen on your butt!
How dare she speak
to me like that!
After everything I've
done for this business?
You'd think she'd
have a little more--
- [phone rings]
- [gasps]
Funny Business, Inc.
Your fun is our business.
Lincoln speaking.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- Yes, we're available the 11th.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- What?
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- Oh, really?
- WOMAN ON PHONE:
[chatters]
- Great. See you the 11th.
- Who did we just book?
- Actually, the correct question
would be, who did I just book?
- LISA: You're both wrong.
It's "whom."
- [door slams]
- They only wanted me.
- Yeah, right.
- It's true.
You may not recognize
my talent,
but apparently the birthday
party community does.
- So, what are you gonna
do for your act?
Fall on your butt
for an hour?
- That's exactly what
I'm going to do,
'cause the audiences
love it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go put on
my padded underwear.
- [glass shatters]
- [chomps]
- So, how old is
the birthday girl?
Four? Five?
- Thirteen.
- ♪
- Oh.
A little older than my usual
crowd, but no problem.
My comedy is ageless.
Hey, guys!
Who's ready to laugh?
Whoopsy-doodle!
Now who put this here?
- Um, you did, obviously.
- Maybe these glasses
will help me see better.
- [eyeballs boing]
- Eye-a-watha!
- [loud crash]
- [eyeballs boing]
- I really gotta get my
prescription checked.
- Mom, look what that loser
clown did to my poster.
- TWEENS:
[texting]
- Oh, look at that!
I have a message, too.
Mom, didn't I tell you not
to text me at--whoa!
- [cake splats]
- Remember, guys,
never walk and text.
- Ugh, now he's gonna
lecture us?
- He ruined my cake.
Mom, why did
you hire him?
I swear, if I had
a door around me,
I would slam it
so hard right now.
- Um, excuse me, everyone.
There will now be a brief
unscheduled intermission.
Text amongst yourselves.
- Where are you going?
I paid you to perform
for an hour.
- But I'm doing my best
material and they hate me.
- Well, try something else.
You're a professional
clown, aren't you?
- Remind me not to book
Funny Business, Inc.
for my kid's birthday.
- Me, neither.
- Oh, me neither.
I don't want my kid to hate me.
- Heh-heh-heh.
Sorry, gotta run to
the little clown's room.
- [dialing phone]
- [phone rings]
- Funny Business, Inc.
Your fun is our business.
- Luan!
- Ugh!
[static noises]
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
[static noises]
My clown car's going
through a tunnel.
- [phone rings]
- Luan, it's me.
- I know.
That's why I hung up.
- [phone rings]
- This is a business
line, Lincoln.
What do you want?
- Luan, I'm bombing
out here.
You gotta help me.
Please!
- Oh, how could
I possibly help you?
You're the clowning expert.
- No, I'm not. You are.
You told me there's
a lot more to clowning
than just falling on your butt,
and you were right.
Will you please come help me?
- I don't know, Lincoln.
Maybe bombing would be a good
learning experience for you.
- Well, there's
one other thing.
I think I'm ruining
the reputation
of Funny Business, Inc.
These parents are brutal.
- Don't move.
I'll be right there.
- [hat squishes]
- [foghorn bellows]
- Aah! Gary!
- [teeth chattering]
Luan! Wait, how did
you know I was in here?
- Well, this was
a pretty good clue.
- Oh.
So, what's the plan?
- Okay. Let's see
what we got here.
Hm, emo tweens.
Notoriously tough crowd.
But don't worry.
This isn't my first mopefest.
- [accordion music]
- [cane tapping]
- ♪
- Oh, I get it.
She's, like,
trapped in a box.
That's exactly how
I felt when my mom said
I couldn't dye
my hair purple.
- ♪
- Wow.
It's, like, the soul-crushing
pointlessness of seventh grade.
- You ready to do this?
- I don't know.
- You'll be fine.
Just follow my lead.
- ♪
- Wow. It's about how we're
all just, like, clones.
- That's what
I was gonna say.
- Exactly.
- [slow applause]
- I have to get
their business card.
- [excited chatter]
- Well, I call the weekend
of the 22nd.
- [cheering and applause]
- Thanks for saving my butt.
You were amazing
out there.
And I'm sorry for
the way I was acting.
- It's okay.
I remember how great it was
to get my first big laugh.
I shouldn't have
been so harsh.
Still my assistant?
- Still your assistant.
Let me get those for ya.
Whoa!
- [farting noises]
- [laughs]
You know, that actually
was kinda funny.
Here, let me help--whoa!
Good gravy!
- [farting noise]
- BOTH: [laughing]
- Eye-a-watha!
- [farting noise]
- ♪
- FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR:
Good evening, everybody.
Stay warm and stay tuned,
because we'll have tonight's
weather right after this.
- Oh, spirit in the sky,
grant my wish.
- Fingers crossed.
- Everything crossed.
- [burps]
[giggles]
- I got my lucky
rabbit's foot.
- I got my lucky booger.
This baby got me
through preschool.
- And I got my lucky jock.
- [jockstrap snaps]
- [groans]
You may be wondering what
the heck is going on here.
I'll show you.
See that?
Snow. Beautiful snow.
And if it keeps coming down,
we could be in for
a snow day tomorrow.
So tonight,
we're doing everything
in our power to
make it happen.
- LANA:
Dudes, the weather's on.
- Patchy Drizzle here taking
on the weather, myself.
Rolling up my sleeves,
taking it on.
Better put on the old
snowshoes, folks,
'cause we could be getting
up to 24 inches
of Mother Nature's dandruff.
I regret saying that.
[clears throat]
The following schools will
be closed tomorrow.
- ALL: Royal Woods!
Royal Woods! Royal Woods!
- Beaverton, Hazletacky,
Huntington Oaks, and...
that's it!
- ALL: Aw...
- Why you lousy--
- I'm just kidding.
You, too, Royal Woods.
- LOUD KIDS:
[cheering]
[chanting] Snow day!
Snow day! Snow day!
- Snow day!
- This just in.
There will not be
a snow day tomorrow.
Once I spread my super-strength
salt across the city's roadways,
we shall have no trouble
accessing school.
- ALL:
[booing]
- Why would you ruin
our snow day?
- [clears throat]
For every school day you miss,
your brain functionality
decreases by
approximately 0.006%.
- But Lisa, snow days
are f-o-n, fun!
- I rest my case.
Besides, I fail to see how
frolicking in frigid
temperatures like a bunch
of nincompoops is fun.
- What if we could show you
how fun snow days can be?
Then would you call
off the salt?
- That's a great idea, bro!
- [excited chatter]
- Yeah! [chanting]
F-o-n! F-o-n!
- ALL: [chanting]
F-o-n! F-o-n!
- Fine!
But only because I can't stand
to hear you spell erroneously.
- ALL:
[cheering]
- Wait, I thought
we were spelling "fun."
- [wind gusting]
- [excited chatter]
- Okay, you've got
four hours.
Dazzle me or it's back
to school for you truants.
- [wind gusting]
- Woo-hoo, sledding!
What do you think, Lise?
- I think my buttocks
are cold.
Whoa!
And now bruised.
- [wind gusting]
- Here's another
snow day classic.
Snow fort! Come on in.
You gotta check out
the built-in cup holders.
- Hm...
lacks crossbeams,
load-bearing walls,
a solid foundation.
- LINCOLN:
All choices I made.
- Hardly up to code.
- LINCOLN:
It's collapsible, too.
- How about lettin' old
Lans take the reins?
- Knock yourself out.
My buttocks are cold
and bruised.
- [wind gusting]
- Say hello to
Mr. Twig Arms.
- Huh. So, what does
Mr. Twig Arms do?
- Uh, nothing.
But he's awful jolly.
- Perhaps if you valued
your education,
you could build something
with more pizazz.
- [motor starts]
- [electronic signal
vibrating]
- Say hello to Mr. Reinforced
Titanium Alloy Arms.
- [scanner beeping]
- [lasers zapping]
- [explosion]
- Sorry. I forgot he has
jolly-seeking lasers.
- [wind gusting]
- Here's the returning
champion, Lola Loud,
about to execute
a triple salchow.
Come on, Lisa!
It's your turn.
- Mm, based on water
density, air temp,
and the weight of
a small human,
that ice should give
way in three, two--
- [ice cracks]
- [water splashes]
- Dang it.
- Dang it's right.
I was one second off.
- [wind gusting]
- What exactly are we doing?
- Playing corpsesicle.
It's my favorite snow game.
- How do you win?
By getting hypothermia?
- Yes.
- [wind gusting]
- Watch this, Lise.
You're gonna love snow pranks.
Ice butt!
- [screams]
Cold, cold, cold, cold!
- LUAN: [laughing]
Oh, man, classic Luan.
- Cold, cold, cold,
cold, cold, cold!
- Uh, as the famous Shackleton
Expedition has shown us,
losing a buttock to frostbite
is no laughing matter.
- Eesh! I'd really like
to make a crack right now,
but it's snow time
to be cheeky!
[laughs]
Get it?
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Cold, cold, cold,
cold, cold, cold!
- [wind gusting]
- Representing Royal Woods
in the world bobsled finals,
it's Lynn and Lisa Loud!
Oh, yeah!
- Whoa! Oh! Oh! Stop!
- [grunts]
Uh-oh!
- I can't see this
ending well.
- [bobsled zooming]
- LISA:
[screams]
[groans]
- Um, snow angels?
- It's over, guys.
Snow days are both pointless
and a health hazard.
Ergo, I shall
unleash the salt.
- ALL:
No!
- [wind gusting]
- Aw, come on.
Seriously?
- My decision is final.
You cannot talk me out of it.
- [snowball thwacks]
- What was that?
All right, who did that?
- Aw, you finks!
- You've poked a bear,
my friend.
- [laughs]
What are you gonna do?
- [snowball thwacks]
- Ha! That was actually
quite satisfying.
- Here, Lana.
- Let's help you up.
- [snowball thwacks]
- Oh!
- [snowballs thwacking]
- LINCOLN: Ow!
- Hey, this is kind of--
- LINCOLN: Fun?
- Yes, f-o-n. Fun.
- ALL: [laughing,
cheering]
- [blowing air]
- Hey, Lincoln.
Thanks for today.
You've made a snow day
convert out of me.
- Well, I'm glad you had fun,
especially since Patchy
says we're going back
to school tomorrow.
- [gasps]
Hm...
- Lincoln, wake up.
It's a snow day miracle.
- Lynn, what are you
talking about?
- [giggles]
Look outside.
- What in the wide--
How is this even possible?
- Oh, my lucky booger
worked again.
- LISA: [imitates buzzer]
Incorrect.
I called some friends at NASA.
They pulled a few strings.
And a little cloud-
seeding later,
we have ourselves
another snow day.
- That is awesome!
Thanks, Lisa.
- Aw, I still think
it was you, lucky B.
[smooches]
- [wind gusting]
- ♪
- Yeah!
- [snowballs thwacking]
- [snow thuds]
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
There's nothing like
another whole day
of lobbing frozen
projectiles.
Woo-hoo! Snow day!
- [wind gusting]
- Ah, even better.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- [gasps]
Mr. Twig Arms Junior!
- LISA: Ho, ho, ho!
Look alive, Lana!
Mr. Twig Arms
sure doesn't.
Ha ha!
- [wind gusting]
- Hey, Lynn.
Say hello to my
not-so-little friend.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Snow day!
- Dang it.
- [wind gusting]
- Hey, guys, I wanna show
you my latest invention:
the ultra snowzooka--
patent pending.
Guys?
Where'd they go?
- Sheesh,
we've created a monster.
- At least we're
safe in here.
- Yeah, it's not like she can
bring snow inside the house.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- LISA: Behold, my latest
latest invention:
indoor snow--
patent pending.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
- OTHERS: [screaming]
- Boo-Boo Bear, Lisa is
literally out of control.
[panting]
- On the contrary, I've never
felt more in control...
or more alive.
She'll have to call
you back, Boo-Boo Bear.
- I love you.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- LANA: [screams]
- [snowballs thwacking]
- Is nothing sacred?
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha!
- I think we're
safe in here.
- I brought chestnuts
for roasting.
- LISA:
Yoo-hoo?
Here's Jack Frost
nipping at your nose.
- Oh, shoot.
- [snow splats]
- LUCY: That maniac will
never find me here.
- Ah, mind if I join you?
- It's pretty crowded up here
with me and the spirits.
But I think there's room next
to Great Grandma Harriet.
- Whew!
Oh, safe at last.
- [heavy rumbling]
- BOTH:
[scream]
- LUCY: Help me, Grandma!
- [snowball thuds]
- Oh, spirit in the sky,
end this madness.
- Please, please,
no more snow.
- Yeah. I can't take
another day of this.
- [burps]
[giggles]
- How do you reverse
a rabbit's foot?
- Lucky B,
you've gone too far!
- Dudes, it's on!
- Well, no one
saw this coming,
but it looks like we're in for
another foot of snow tonight.
And that's gonna mean--
- ALL: [gasping]
- --school closings!
- ALL:
[groaning]
- Yes-s-s-s!
Thank you, NASA.
Are you punks ready
for tomorrow?
'Cause my snow-powered
tank sure is.
- [remote beeps]
- LOUD KIDS:
No!
- Lisa, please! Enough!
You have to call
off the snow day.
- Sorry, Bub.
Cloud-seeding isn't
exactly reversible.
- Then use your special salt.
- But I'm really looking
forward to another snow day.
You guys convinced me
they are f-o-n, fun.
- I think we've
had enough fun.
- Please!
- We've gotta go back to school.
- Bring on the learnin'.
- Well, I'm quite
crestfallen.
But if that
is the consensus,
I'll submit to the will
of the majority.
- So...going back
to school?
S-k-o-o-l! S-k-o-o-l!
- ALL: [cheering]
- Thanks, Lise.
- No problem, Lincoln.
Best get ready for bed.
School day tomorrow.
Well, Houston,
mission accomplished.
My master plan
was a major success.
I'm pretty sure my siblings
won't be wanting
any more snow days.
And now that I've repurposed my
snow tank to a salt-spraying,
snow-melting de-icer, it's time
for some real f-u-n--
spelled correctly,
I might add.
- [tank rumbling]
- ALL: [chanting]
School day! School day!
School day!
- Wait, what just happened?
- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad,
but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud House
♪ Loud House
♪ Duck and dodge
♪ And push and shove
♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House,
Loud House ♪
♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way
it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud House ♪
the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls
like ping pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach
the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can
smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do
what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪
♪ Duck, dodge,
push and shove ♪
♪ This is how
we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House,
in the Loud House ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪
♪ Loud! Loud! Loud!
♪ Loud House! ♪
- Boo boo.
- ♪
- Ah, nothing like reading
comics on a peaceful summer--
- [horn honking]
- [gasps]
- Uh, a little help?
- Back from another
birthday party?
- Uh, my third gig
this weekend.
I could really use
an assistant.
Hey, what about you?
You're great with Gary.
- [Gary chomps]
- Hey, stop that!
I thought Lucy
was helping you.
- ♪
- And now, if my assistant will
just hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [birds chirping]
- [balloons pop]
- You killed the dinosaur!
- KIDS:
[booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- [chicken squeaks]
- Lucy didn't work out.
Neither did Lynn.
What do you say
we add some melon?
- KIDS:
[cheering]
- [watermelon thuds]
- KIDS: [booing]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Leni.
Why are clowns
never bored?
'Cause we're good
at keeping occu-pied.
[clears throat]
I said, good at keeping
occu-pied.
- KIDS:
[cheering]
- [buzzer rings]
- Or Lisa.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- Hey, birthday boy.
Why don't you take
the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- KIDS:
[laughing]
- No, no!
No one eat that cake!
It clearly causes
gastrointestinal distress.
- KIDS:
[crying]
- [buzzer rings]
- Well, I am so honored to
be your fifth choice.
- Come on, Lincoln.
Please?
I really need your help.
- I don't know.
I'm not really
the performing type.
I don't want to make
a fool of myself on stage.
- Don't worry.
That's my job.
All you have to do
is help with the props.
- Uh, I don't
think it's for--
What's that?
- Ah, just birthday cake.
I always get sent home
with leftovers.
- Oh...
[drooling]
- Usually I share it
with my assistant.
But since this job
isn't for you--
- When did I say that?
- [bell ringing]
- LUAN: Why are
clowns never bored?
'Cause we're good at
keeping occu-pied!
- LINCOLN: [screams]
- [loud crash]
- Sorry!
- KIDS:
[laughing, cheering]
- That was awesome.
The part when I tripped,
and then the audience laughed,
and then clapped?
Amazing!
- Glad you enjoyed it.
Now here, I need you
to clean this.
Gary pooped in it.
- [foghorn bellows]
- What do you say
we add some melon?
- KIDS:
[cheering]
- Whoa, nelly!
- KIDS:
[laughing]
- Man, great crowd, huh?
- Yeah, super.
So, what was that all about
with the watermelon?
- Well, you know,
audiences seem to love it
when I fall down, so--
- Let me worry
about the audience.
You take care of deodorizing
these clown shoes.
- Whoopsy-daisy!
- [loud crash]
- LENI & LANA: [laughing]
- See? I do know what
audiences like.
- And now, if my assistant will
hand me one more balloon,
we'll have a pterodactyl.
- [high-pitched voice]
I went a little overboard
with the helium.
Whoa, good gravy!
- [loud crash]
- KIDS:
[laughing, cheering]
- What did one plate
say to the other?
Lunch is on me.
- KIDS: [laughing]
- Gadzooks!
- KIDS: [laughing]
- I guess lunch is on me.
- KIDS: [laughing]
- [laughs]
He is hilarious.
- I know. LOL.
I just learned
what that means.
- [trumpet fanfare]
- All right,
birthday boy.
Why don't you take
the seat of honor?
- [farting noise]
- Holy macaroni!
- [loud crash]
- KIDS:
[laughing]
[excited chatter]
- Boy, we are killing it.
But I've been thinking,
maybe you should do a little
less of the talky stuff
and more of
the pratfalls.
- Are you kidding me?
- What?
- Look, Lincoln.
Just because you
got a few laughs
does not make you
an expert on clowning.
There's a lot more to it than
just falling on your butt.
- Well, the audience
sure seems to like my--
- Lincoln, enough!
No more pratfalls.
I am the clown.
You are the assistant.
Now go refill these
whoopee cushions.
- But they're
already inflated.
- [farting noises]
- Not anymore.
- [door slams]
- Oh, yeah?
Well, that would've been funnier
if you'd fallen on your butt!
How dare she speak
to me like that!
After everything I've
done for this business?
You'd think she'd
have a little more--
- [phone rings]
- [gasps]
Funny Business, Inc.
Your fun is our business.
Lincoln speaking.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- Yes, we're available the 11th.
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- What?
- WOMAN ON PHONE: [chatters]
- Oh, really?
- WOMAN ON PHONE:
[chatters]
- Great. See you the 11th.
- Who did we just book?
- Actually, the correct question
would be, who did I just book?
- LISA: You're both wrong.
It's "whom."
- [door slams]
- They only wanted me.
- Yeah, right.
- It's true.
You may not recognize
my talent,
but apparently the birthday
party community does.
- So, what are you gonna
do for your act?
Fall on your butt
for an hour?
- That's exactly what
I'm going to do,
'cause the audiences
love it.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go put on
my padded underwear.
- [glass shatters]
- [chomps]
- So, how old is
the birthday girl?
Four? Five?
- Thirteen.
- ♪
- Oh.
A little older than my usual
crowd, but no problem.
My comedy is ageless.
Hey, guys!
Who's ready to laugh?
Whoopsy-doodle!
Now who put this here?
- Um, you did, obviously.
- Maybe these glasses
will help me see better.
- [eyeballs boing]
- Eye-a-watha!
- [loud crash]
- [eyeballs boing]
- I really gotta get my
prescription checked.
- Mom, look what that loser
clown did to my poster.
- TWEENS:
[texting]
- Oh, look at that!
I have a message, too.
Mom, didn't I tell you not
to text me at--whoa!
- [cake splats]
- Remember, guys,
never walk and text.
- Ugh, now he's gonna
lecture us?
- He ruined my cake.
Mom, why did
you hire him?
I swear, if I had
a door around me,
I would slam it
so hard right now.
- Um, excuse me, everyone.
There will now be a brief
unscheduled intermission.
Text amongst yourselves.
- Where are you going?
I paid you to perform
for an hour.
- But I'm doing my best
material and they hate me.
- Well, try something else.
You're a professional
clown, aren't you?
- Remind me not to book
Funny Business, Inc.
for my kid's birthday.
- Me, neither.
- Oh, me neither.
I don't want my kid to hate me.
- Heh-heh-heh.
Sorry, gotta run to
the little clown's room.
- [dialing phone]
- [phone rings]
- Funny Business, Inc.
Your fun is our business.
- Luan!
- Ugh!
[static noises]
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
[static noises]
My clown car's going
through a tunnel.
- [phone rings]
- Luan, it's me.
- I know.
That's why I hung up.
- [phone rings]
- This is a business
line, Lincoln.
What do you want?
- Luan, I'm bombing
out here.
You gotta help me.
Please!
- Oh, how could
I possibly help you?
You're the clowning expert.
- No, I'm not. You are.
You told me there's
a lot more to clowning
than just falling on your butt,
and you were right.
Will you please come help me?
- I don't know, Lincoln.
Maybe bombing would be a good
learning experience for you.
- Well, there's
one other thing.
I think I'm ruining
the reputation
of Funny Business, Inc.
These parents are brutal.
- Don't move.
I'll be right there.
- [hat squishes]
- [foghorn bellows]
- Aah! Gary!
- [teeth chattering]
Luan! Wait, how did
you know I was in here?
- Well, this was
a pretty good clue.
- Oh.
So, what's the plan?
- Okay. Let's see
what we got here.
Hm, emo tweens.
Notoriously tough crowd.
But don't worry.
This isn't my first mopefest.
- [accordion music]
- [cane tapping]
- ♪
- Oh, I get it.
She's, like,
trapped in a box.
That's exactly how
I felt when my mom said
I couldn't dye
my hair purple.
- ♪
- Wow.
It's, like, the soul-crushing
pointlessness of seventh grade.
- You ready to do this?
- I don't know.
- You'll be fine.
Just follow my lead.
- ♪
- Wow. It's about how we're
all just, like, clones.
- That's what
I was gonna say.
- Exactly.
- [slow applause]
- I have to get
their business card.
- [excited chatter]
- Well, I call the weekend
of the 22nd.
- [cheering and applause]
- Thanks for saving my butt.
You were amazing
out there.
And I'm sorry for
the way I was acting.
- It's okay.
I remember how great it was
to get my first big laugh.
I shouldn't have
been so harsh.
Still my assistant?
- Still your assistant.
Let me get those for ya.
Whoa!
- [farting noises]
- [laughs]
You know, that actually
was kinda funny.
Here, let me help--whoa!
Good gravy!
- [farting noise]
- BOTH: [laughing]
- Eye-a-watha!
- [farting noise]
- ♪
- FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR:
Good evening, everybody.
Stay warm and stay tuned,
because we'll have tonight's
weather right after this.
- Oh, spirit in the sky,
grant my wish.
- Fingers crossed.
- Everything crossed.
- [burps]
[giggles]
- I got my lucky
rabbit's foot.
- I got my lucky booger.
This baby got me
through preschool.
- And I got my lucky jock.
- [jockstrap snaps]
- [groans]
You may be wondering what
the heck is going on here.
I'll show you.
See that?
Snow. Beautiful snow.
And if it keeps coming down,
we could be in for
a snow day tomorrow.
So tonight,
we're doing everything
in our power to
make it happen.
- LANA:
Dudes, the weather's on.
- Patchy Drizzle here taking
on the weather, myself.
Rolling up my sleeves,
taking it on.
Better put on the old
snowshoes, folks,
'cause we could be getting
up to 24 inches
of Mother Nature's dandruff.
I regret saying that.
[clears throat]
The following schools will
be closed tomorrow.
- ALL: Royal Woods!
Royal Woods! Royal Woods!
- Beaverton, Hazletacky,
Huntington Oaks, and...
that's it!
- ALL: Aw...
- Why you lousy--
- I'm just kidding.
You, too, Royal Woods.
- LOUD KIDS:
[cheering]
[chanting] Snow day!
Snow day! Snow day!
- Snow day!
- This just in.
There will not be
a snow day tomorrow.
Once I spread my super-strength
salt across the city's roadways,
we shall have no trouble
accessing school.
- ALL:
[booing]
- Why would you ruin
our snow day?
- [clears throat]
For every school day you miss,
your brain functionality
decreases by
approximately 0.006%.
- But Lisa, snow days
are f-o-n, fun!
- I rest my case.
Besides, I fail to see how
frolicking in frigid
temperatures like a bunch
of nincompoops is fun.
- What if we could show you
how fun snow days can be?
Then would you call
off the salt?
- That's a great idea, bro!
- [excited chatter]
- Yeah! [chanting]
F-o-n! F-o-n!
- ALL: [chanting]
F-o-n! F-o-n!
- Fine!
But only because I can't stand
to hear you spell erroneously.
- ALL:
[cheering]
- Wait, I thought
we were spelling "fun."
- [wind gusting]
- [excited chatter]
- Okay, you've got
four hours.
Dazzle me or it's back
to school for you truants.
- [wind gusting]
- Woo-hoo, sledding!
What do you think, Lise?
- I think my buttocks
are cold.
Whoa!
And now bruised.
- [wind gusting]
- Here's another
snow day classic.
Snow fort! Come on in.
You gotta check out
the built-in cup holders.
- Hm...
lacks crossbeams,
load-bearing walls,
a solid foundation.
- LINCOLN:
All choices I made.
- Hardly up to code.
- LINCOLN:
It's collapsible, too.
- How about lettin' old
Lans take the reins?
- Knock yourself out.
My buttocks are cold
and bruised.
- [wind gusting]
- Say hello to
Mr. Twig Arms.
- Huh. So, what does
Mr. Twig Arms do?
- Uh, nothing.
But he's awful jolly.
- Perhaps if you valued
your education,
you could build something
with more pizazz.
- [motor starts]
- [electronic signal
vibrating]
- Say hello to Mr. Reinforced
Titanium Alloy Arms.
- [scanner beeping]
- [lasers zapping]
- [explosion]
- Sorry. I forgot he has
jolly-seeking lasers.
- [wind gusting]
- Here's the returning
champion, Lola Loud,
about to execute
a triple salchow.
Come on, Lisa!
It's your turn.
- Mm, based on water
density, air temp,
and the weight of
a small human,
that ice should give
way in three, two--
- [ice cracks]
- [water splashes]
- Dang it.
- Dang it's right.
I was one second off.
- [wind gusting]
- What exactly are we doing?
- Playing corpsesicle.
It's my favorite snow game.
- How do you win?
By getting hypothermia?
- Yes.
- [wind gusting]
- Watch this, Lise.
You're gonna love snow pranks.
Ice butt!
- [screams]
Cold, cold, cold, cold!
- LUAN: [laughing]
Oh, man, classic Luan.
- Cold, cold, cold,
cold, cold, cold!
- Uh, as the famous Shackleton
Expedition has shown us,
losing a buttock to frostbite
is no laughing matter.
- Eesh! I'd really like
to make a crack right now,
but it's snow time
to be cheeky!
[laughs]
Get it?
- Unfortunately, yes.
- Cold, cold, cold,
cold, cold, cold!
- [wind gusting]
- Representing Royal Woods
in the world bobsled finals,
it's Lynn and Lisa Loud!
Oh, yeah!
- Whoa! Oh! Oh! Stop!
- [grunts]
Uh-oh!
- I can't see this
ending well.
- [bobsled zooming]
- LISA:
[screams]
[groans]
- Um, snow angels?
- It's over, guys.
Snow days are both pointless
and a health hazard.
Ergo, I shall
unleash the salt.
- ALL:
No!
- [wind gusting]
- Aw, come on.
Seriously?
- My decision is final.
You cannot talk me out of it.
- [snowball thwacks]
- What was that?
All right, who did that?
- Aw, you finks!
- You've poked a bear,
my friend.
- [laughs]
What are you gonna do?
- [snowball thwacks]
- Ha! That was actually
quite satisfying.
- Here, Lana.
- Let's help you up.
- [snowball thwacks]
- Oh!
- [snowballs thwacking]
- LINCOLN: Ow!
- Hey, this is kind of--
- LINCOLN: Fun?
- Yes, f-o-n. Fun.
- ALL: [laughing,
cheering]
- [blowing air]
- Hey, Lincoln.
Thanks for today.
You've made a snow day
convert out of me.
- Well, I'm glad you had fun,
especially since Patchy
says we're going back
to school tomorrow.
- [gasps]
Hm...
- Lincoln, wake up.
It's a snow day miracle.
- Lynn, what are you
talking about?
- [giggles]
Look outside.
- What in the wide--
How is this even possible?
- Oh, my lucky booger
worked again.
- LISA: [imitates buzzer]
Incorrect.
I called some friends at NASA.
They pulled a few strings.
And a little cloud-
seeding later,
we have ourselves
another snow day.
- That is awesome!
Thanks, Lisa.
- Aw, I still think
it was you, lucky B.
[smooches]
- [wind gusting]
- ♪
- Yeah!
- [snowballs thwacking]
- [snow thuds]
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
There's nothing like
another whole day
of lobbing frozen
projectiles.
Woo-hoo! Snow day!
- [wind gusting]
- Ah, even better.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- [gasps]
Mr. Twig Arms Junior!
- LISA: Ho, ho, ho!
Look alive, Lana!
Mr. Twig Arms
sure doesn't.
Ha ha!
- [wind gusting]
- Hey, Lynn.
Say hello to my
not-so-little friend.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Snow day!
- Dang it.
- [wind gusting]
- Hey, guys, I wanna show
you my latest invention:
the ultra snowzooka--
patent pending.
Guys?
Where'd they go?
- Sheesh,
we've created a monster.
- At least we're
safe in here.
- Yeah, it's not like she can
bring snow inside the house.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- LISA: Behold, my latest
latest invention:
indoor snow--
patent pending.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
- OTHERS: [screaming]
- Boo-Boo Bear, Lisa is
literally out of control.
[panting]
- On the contrary, I've never
felt more in control...
or more alive.
She'll have to call
you back, Boo-Boo Bear.
- I love you.
- [snowballs thwacking]
- LANA: [screams]
- [snowballs thwacking]
- Is nothing sacred?
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
ha, ha, ha, ha!
- I think we're
safe in here.
- I brought chestnuts
for roasting.
- LISA:
Yoo-hoo?
Here's Jack Frost
nipping at your nose.
- Oh, shoot.
- [snow splats]
- LUCY: That maniac will
never find me here.
- Ah, mind if I join you?
- It's pretty crowded up here
with me and the spirits.
But I think there's room next
to Great Grandma Harriet.
- Whew!
Oh, safe at last.
- [heavy rumbling]
- BOTH:
[scream]
- LUCY: Help me, Grandma!
- [snowball thuds]
- Oh, spirit in the sky,
end this madness.
- Please, please,
no more snow.
- Yeah. I can't take
another day of this.
- [burps]
[giggles]
- How do you reverse
a rabbit's foot?
- Lucky B,
you've gone too far!
- Dudes, it's on!
- Well, no one
saw this coming,
but it looks like we're in for
another foot of snow tonight.
And that's gonna mean--
- ALL: [gasping]
- --school closings!
- ALL:
[groaning]
- Yes-s-s-s!
Thank you, NASA.
Are you punks ready
for tomorrow?
'Cause my snow-powered
tank sure is.
- [remote beeps]
- LOUD KIDS:
No!
- Lisa, please! Enough!
You have to call
off the snow day.
- Sorry, Bub.
Cloud-seeding isn't
exactly reversible.
- Then use your special salt.
- But I'm really looking
forward to another snow day.
You guys convinced me
they are f-o-n, fun.
- I think we've
had enough fun.
- Please!
- We've gotta go back to school.
- Bring on the learnin'.
- Well, I'm quite
crestfallen.
But if that
is the consensus,
I'll submit to the will
of the majority.
- So...going back
to school?
S-k-o-o-l! S-k-o-o-l!
- ALL: [cheering]
- Thanks, Lise.
- No problem, Lincoln.
Best get ready for bed.
School day tomorrow.
Well, Houston,
mission accomplished.
My master plan
was a major success.
I'm pretty sure my siblings
won't be wanting
any more snow days.
And now that I've repurposed my
snow tank to a salt-spraying,
snow-melting de-icer, it's time
for some real f-u-n--
spelled correctly,
I might add.
- [tank rumbling]
- ALL: [chanting]
School day! School day!
School day!
- Wait, what just happened?
- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad,
but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud House
♪ Loud House
♪ Duck and dodge
♪ And push and shove
♪ That's the way
we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House,
Loud House ♪
♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line
to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way
it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud House ♪