The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 25 - The Price of Admission/One Flu Over the Loud House - full transcript

- ♪ Crashing through
the crowded halls ♪

♪ Dodging girls
like Ping-Pong balls ♪

♪ Just to reach the bathroom
on time ♪

♪ Leaping over laundry piles

♪ Diapers you can smell
for miles ♪

♪ Guy's got to do
what he can to survive ♪

- ♪ In the Loud house

♪ In the Loud house

- ♪ Duck, dodge, push,
and shove ♪

♪ Is how we show our love

- ♪ In the Loud house,
in the Loud house ♪



- ♪ One boy and ten girls

♪ Wouldn't trade it
for the world ♪

- ♪ Loud Loud Loud

♪ Loud house

- Poo-poo.

[poppy punk music]

♪

- Tomorrow is April Fools' Day.

Every year, my sister, Luan,
creates a prank apocalypse,

and no one is spared.
I present to you

Luan Loud's April Fools'
highlight reel.

[poppy punk music]

- I'd say this prank's
a little over your heads.

[laughing]



[chickens clucking]

Seems to be your clucky day.

[laughing]

♪

I guess that's a wrap.

[laughing]

Aww, look at the Loud family
gettin' jiggly with it.

[laughing]

I shaved the best for last.

[laughing]

♪

- See what I mean?

Nobody's safe from
that evil pranking genius.

But this year's
gonna be different.

Luan is not gonna prank me,

because I've got
an April Fool-proof plan.

You're not the only one
who can make a pun, Luan!

- Bubble wrap me next!

- I need more armor.
- Where's my helmet?

- Bobby, we have to cancel
all our plans in April.

[indistinct talking]

Because Luan might shave
my eyebrows off again,

and it takes a month
for them to grow back.

- Come on, Lisa,
let me hunker in your bunker.

- You should have
been more prepared.

We've known this storm
was coming for 364 days.

- Please, give me shelter.

- [whistling]
- Arms up, Lincoln.

Your turn for bubble wrap.

- Not this year, Lola.
I'm not getting pranked.

- It's never been done!
- Are you crazy?

- Ladies, ladies.
I've got a plan.

I'm simply going
to lock myself in my room

until the day is over.

I've got snacks, video games,
and a hose to pee in,

which I call the Tinkle Tube.
Patent pending.

all: Ew!
- Cool.

- It goes out the window.

The point is, I'll never
have to leave my room,

so Luan will never get me.

[clanking]

[dramatic music]

- Ooh.
It's Pranksmas Eve,

and I'm just bubbling
with excitement.

[pops]

- I'm gonna need
more bubble wrap.

And a fresh pair of undies.

- Thanks for the lumber, Lana.
I'll return it on April 2nd.

- Mahogany was a good choice.
That'll hold nicely.

[motor revving]

[nails snapping]

- Clyde, you wanna
hang out tomorrow?

I built us a fortress
with snacks, games,

and a Tinkle Tube.
Patent pending.

- On Pranksgiving?No way.

Not after what happened
last year.

[birds chirping]

[ominous music]

♪

[Luan laughing]

- Aah!

- But nothing's
gonna happen this year.

I've got
an April Fool-proof plan.

[cell phone chimes]
Hang on, Clyde.

Ronnie Anne just texted me.

She says
she's coming over tomorrow

with a present for me.

[gasps]
She can't come over tomorrow.

She'll get nailed by Luan's
pranks and then pulverize me.

- Just tell her
to come over another day.

- I can't do that.

That would definitely
get me pulverized.

- Then you got to get Luan
to call off Prankapalooza.

Appeal to her humanity.
Beg if you have to!

- Good idea.

Just as soon as I get
the mahogany off my door.

[grunting]
[wood creaking]

[suspenseful music]

Luan, you've got to call off
Prankageddon. Please.

Ronnie Anne
is coming over tomorrow,

and I can't let her get pranked.
- Okay.

- Really?
Wow, that was easier than I--

- April Fools' practice!

Lincoln, you know
the April Fools' rules.

Anyone who sets foot
on our property is fair game.

Speaking of which,
is Clyde coming over?

'Cause I'd love
to just say, "Hey."

[laughing]

[nails snapping]

- Clyde, pleading with Luan
did not work.

She's an animal.

[animal screeching]
What was that?

- Oh, that's Cleopawtra.
She's been fiesty lately,

so we put her
in the time-out crate.

- Time-out crate.
That's it!

[grunting]
Ugh, why did I choose mahogany?

[playful music]

Okay, we're all here?
Good.

So, about Luan...

- Shh.
She's got ears everywhere.

I saw this in a mob movie once.

She won't hear us
over the noise.

- We all know tomorrow's
going to be awful,

but it doesn't have to be.

If we combine forces,
we can prevent Luan

from setting up
any pranks in the first place.

- Uh, how exactly
are we going to do that?

- Let me tell you my plan.

- Better make it snappy.

We're almost done
with the spin cycle.

♪

- [snoring]

♪

- [imitating bird call]

♪

[struggling and commotion]

- Let me out of here!

- Okay.

- Really?
Wow, that was easier than I--

- April Fools!

We aren't letting
you out until April 2nd.

[all cheering]

- That was
a crate plan, Lincoln.

[rimshot]
[laughter]

- I've been crating
for this moment all my life.

[rimshot]
[laughter]

- Well, better crate than never.

[rimshot]
[laughter]

- You're in a crate.

Get it?

- Maybe we should
just go to bed.

♪

[screaming]

[dramatic music]

- We're doomed.

Luan escaped,
and now she's gonna be mad!

- How could this have happened?

- She's a black magic
woman, dude.

- I got to get
my money back for these.

[splat]

all: [gasping]

- Peace out.
I'll be in my bunker.

- Everyone else, to my room.
We'll be safe there.

[suspenseful music]

- What's all this ruckus about?

- Luan's on the loose.
Take cover!

- But we thought
you locked her up.

- Plan B!
Retreat! Retreat!

[cell phone chimes]

- Oh, no.
Ronnie Anne's on her way?

Could this day get any worse?

♪

Well, that's my answer.

But on the plus side,
that's one less prank

Ronnie Anne could suffer.

[ding]
[gasps] That's it!

If I set off
all the pranks in the house,

there won't be any left for her.

- Lincoln!
It's not safe out there!

- Save yourselves.
I got a job to do.

- Don't worry, Lincoln.
I'll plan your funeral.

[nails snapping]

- I'll start by
de-pranking the kitchen.

♪

"Kitchen this way"?
[scoffs]

Does she think I'm dumb enough
to fall for that?

♪

Well, here goes nothing.

[yelling]
Ow.

♪

Ugh!

Aah!
Ow.

Aah!

- I made that dish from scratch.
[laughing]

♪

- Lisa Marie Loud, let us in.

- I'll need
some assurances in return.

One: I will never again
be punished

for the explosions
in or around the house.

- Happy April Stools.

- Are those diapers?
She wouldn't.

- Whatever you want.
Just let us in!

- Sign here, here,
and initial here.

♪

- Aah!
Ha.

[beeping]

Uh-oh.
[beeping quickens]

[coughing]

Aah!

Towel, towel, towel.
Where's the towel?

Aah!

- Don't give up.
No one likes a critter.

[laughing]

- I think if we ration the food,
we should be okay.

- What does "ration" mean?

- Typical.
Now someone has to go

into the kitchen
for more supplies.

[all arguing]

- Let's draw straws.

- [sighs]
I'll just go.

I know I'm gonna lose.
I'm a terrible artist.

- Actually, that's not what--

- Good luck, Leni.

[nails snapping]

♪

- "Kitchen this way"?

Oh, thank you, sign.

♪

Thank you, sign.

Thank you, sign.

- Okay, living room.
So far, so good.

[alarm beeping]

I think this
is how you kiss a girl.

- Don't hold back, Lincoln.
Girls like a guy with passion.

[smooches]
[balloon pops]

- I can't let
Ronnie Anne see this.

I think this--
Aah, stop, stop.

Ugh.
Ugh!

[peeling]

Ugh!

- Looks like spring
is in the air.

[laughing]

♪

- Just got to finish
the bedrooms.

[commotion]
[grunting and yelling]

[breathing heavily]

- Lincoln.
What's happening?

Lucy just invited me
to your funeral.

- Ow. I've been setting off
all the pranks in the house

so Ronnie Anne doesn't get hit.

I've gone through every room
except Leni and Lori's.

[radio static]
Clyde? Hello?

[doorbell ringing]

- I volunteer
to clear Lori's room.

[commotion]
[cat screeching]

It was worth it.

Lori's room smells like
apple cinnamon.

- That might be this pie.

[sigh]
Well, I think that's it.

The Loud house is prank-free.

[splat]

- [laughing]

I won!
You thought you'd outsmart me,

but you got
the worst pranking ever.

- You didn't
really win, Luan.

I only set off the pranks

because Ronnie Anne
was coming over.

- Yeah? Well, who do you think
invited her over, genius?

I knew I had to lure you
out of your room,

so I called Ronnie Anne
and told her how much

you love April Fools' Day,
and here she is

to deliver the final blow.

♪

[splat]

- Huh?
Why'd you do that?

- You took all those pranksfor me.

Come on.
Let's draw some eyebrows on you

and go get a milkshake.

♪

- That girl's a keeper.

♪

- I think it's over.

- Yes!
- I can't believe we made it!

- Wait.
Where's Leni?

- I have my suspicions.

- Okay, everybody in the van.

Let's find Leni,
and then afterwards,

frozen yogurt to celebrate.

Ha-ha.

[all cheering]

[van doors closing]

[engine grinding]

[splat]
all: Luan!

- Aww, the end of April Fools
always makes me feel a little...

blue.

[laughing]
Get it?

[poppy punk music]

♪

- Bored of
the same old breakfast?

[playful music]

- Yes.

- Then try Zombie Bran.

The cereal that turns you
into the walking fed.

- Bran.

- Bran.

Bran!

- Must. Have. Zombie Bran.

Mom!
Mom!

- What on earth is down here?

- Mom, Mom, can we please
get Zombie Bran cereal?

Please, please, please,
please, please, please.

- Sorry, sweetie.
We've got a very tight budget,

and, by the time I get
everything on my grocery list,

there's no money
left over for treats.

- Hmm.
[ding]

What if I could
get everything on here

and still have enough money
left over for Zombie Bran?

- You want to do
the shopping for me?

I don't know, Lincoln.
It's a big responsibility.

I'm not sure you can handle it.

- I can, Mom.
I promise.

And think of what you could do
with all that time to yourself.

[serene music]

- Mmm.

[neck cracking]
Oh, yes.

♪

[burps and sighs]

Deal, but just this once, okay?

- Yes!

Bran.
Bran.

- So that's it.
Luan!

No more comedy props
in the sink!

- Reusable bags.
Calculator.

More reusable bags.

- Lincoln.
I'm going shopping with you.

Bobby literally just
got a job as a stock boy.

[all pleading]

- Sorry, guys.
I'm a man on a mission,

and you'll just get in my way.

- No, we won't.
Uh, we'll help you shop.

- Yeah, we're totally
gonna help you, dude.

- Hmm.

Okay, fine.

Guess I could use
a little help.

[all cheering]

- [cooing]

all: Aww.

- Sorry, Lily.
You're staying with Dad.

Ow!

♪

- All right, Lincoln.

Here's the list,
and here's exactly $200.

I'll be back in an hour.

I'm off to get
my first pedicure in 17 years!

- You will be mine.
Ready, guys?

- Whoa, whoa, what do you
hooligans think you're doing?

- We're shopping
for our mom, sir.

- [gasps]
Bobby Boo Boo Bear.

- Babe!

- I love a man in uniform.

- It's okay, boss.
I know them.

- Very reassuring,
Boo Boo Bear.

- Huh.
Eggs, milk.

Okay, okay.
Looks legit.

But any monkey business,

and you're all out
on your keisters.

- All right, guys.
You heard him.

You all have to be
on your best behavior.

Now, if we each take
a section of Mom's list--

[all cheering and laughing]

I should've known.

I've been played.

I've got $200.

I just need a way to save $4.

Ooh.
10 cents off the dented one.

A couple more savings
like this,

and I'll have enough
for my Zombie Bran.

- Yippie-ki-yay,
market shoppers.

[hooting and hollering]

♪

- Lynn!

[rock music]

[gasps]
Eject! Eject!

♪

- Ahh.
Nice!

[chuckles]
Soft landing.

- Ugh!
Maybe for you.

- Ha-ha.

[playful music]

- Yowch!

Okay, where were we?
Milk.

- Step right up, folks,

to see some
egg-cellent juggling.

[laughing]
Get it?

- Ulch!
- Whoops.

Oh.
Looks like the yoke's on you.

[laughing]

- Luan!
Cut it out!

- Whoa.

How's this
for a balanced breakfast?

[laughing]

- Yowch!
Who did this?

♪

We've got a hooligan
in our midst.

- Ah, he's no fun.
I was on an egg roll.

Get it?
[laughing]

- [groans]

Okay, that's another 50 cents
saved for old lettuce.

[tone ringing]

- Attention shoppers: we have
a two-for-one sale on waffles.

- Ooh, a sale.

♪

Two for one!

That puts me another buck
closer to Zombie Bran.

- [screaming]

There's a child
in the frozen peas!

[screaming]

- Lisa!
What are you doing?

- Research for
my cryogenic freezer.

The future needs my brain.

- I don't believe this.

♪

- Oh!
Where did that hooligan go?

♪

- Okay.
Tilapia.

- Be free!

The ocean's that way.
Or is it that way?

- Leni, what are you doing?

- Can you believe
people were going

to eat these poor,
helpless creatures?

- Leni!
No!

Yowch!
Ow. Ow. Ow.

- What the--who did this?

[laughing]
I got you now.

[pinch]
Yowch!

Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

[crashes]

- Go. Go. Go. Go.

What is wrong with you guys?

I told you I was on a mission,
and you're all--

Ooh, another sale.

- For those about to shop,
I salute you.

[guitar solo]

- Dang it.

♪

- Good night, grocery store!

[playful music]

- I'll get you yet.

- Let's see...

Value pack.
Family pack.

Ahh, here we go.
Village pack.

[grunting]

Whew.

Check.

Yes!
That was the last item.

Now, for the moment of truth.

[inhales]
And the grand total is...

$196.

Which leaves...

four bucks for Zombie Bran.

Yes!

Whew.
Last box.

And I can't believe
it's really--

- Mine.

[rock music]

- Hey, you can't do that.
I had it first!

- And I have it now,
pineapple boy.

[laughing]

- Oh, you are going down.

[suspenseful music]

- Oh, you are going down.

♪

[rock music]

- [laughs]
- Guys, please stop.

You're gonna get us kicked out.

♪

Aah!

♪

- Whoa!

- Go, chickens.
Be free.

- Please stop.
You're gonna get us kicked out.

♪

- Sample, dear?

- Oh.
Thank you.

♪

- [yelling]
- Oh, dear.

[crashing]

♪

- [laughing]

♪

- Please stop.

- Sigh.

♪

- Aah!
[crashes]

♪

- [chuckles]
Game over, cereal stealer.

Dang it.

- [laughing]
- Hey! Aah!

- [laughing]

[ding]

♪

Aah!
[crashes]

♪

- [laughs]

Gotcha, hooligan!

- I can't believe
you got us kicked out of here.

- Can I just get my cereal?

- No!

[majestic music]

- B-b-but, my Zombie Bran!

- Yes!

And now to get out
before we're kicked out.

Come on, people.
Let's go, move it.

- Check it out, babe.

- Oh, Boo Boo Bear.
You're such an amazing artist.

- Nah, babe.
You're just an amazing muse.

- Let's go.

- What's the big idea?
- Why are you pushing us?

- Because I'm this close
to getting my cereal,

and I don't want
you guys to ruin it.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What do you mean, "your" cereal?

- I made a deal with Mom.
If I had enough money left

after getting all the groceries,
I could get my Zombie Bran.

- Well, if you get a treat,
I want a treat.

- Yeah!
I want a Little Princess Pie.

- I want Blood Pudding.

- I could re-up
on my sodium bicarbonate.

- And I want dog biscuits.

They're for Charles, I swear.

Even though they are great
for my teeth and my coat.

- No way.
There's no money left.

- Well, there will be
if we put this back.

- Give me that!
I worked my butt off to get it.

[all arguing and fighting]

- [sighs]

[buzz]

- Aah!

- No!

[crashes]

- I thought I already
got rid of you, hooligan.

Now I want you out of my store.

And take your sisters with you.

♪

I'll take that.

- But--but--

Ugh!
My Zombie Bran.

- Boo Boo Bear.
Push broom.

♪

- Well, isn't this wonderful?

I guess I'll be shopping in
the next town over for a while.

- I'm sorry, Mom,
but it's not all my fault.

- I don't want to hear about it.

You told me you could handle
the grocery shopping,

but clearly you cannot.

- But Zombie Bran!

- You can forget about
that cereal, Lincoln.

- But--
- End of discussion.

- Bored of
the same old breakfast?

- [sighs]

- Then try Zombie Bran.

The cereal that turns you
into the walking fed.

- Bran.
Bran!

- Now in new
"Raisin the Dead" flavor.

- [sighs]

[all moaning]

Very funny, guys.
I'm not in the mood.

Whoa. Hey!
- Bran.

[all moaning]

- [gasps]
You got me my cereal?

- It's the least we could do.

The only reason you didn't
get this was because of us.

- I only have one thing
to say to you all.

[moaning]
Bran.

[laughter]

- Bran.

- ♪ Cramped inside
this tiny space ♪

♪ May sound bad
but ain't the case ♪

♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Loud house

- ♪ Duck and dodge
and push and shove ♪

♪ That's the way we show
our love in the Loud house ♪

- ♪ Loud house

♪ Laundry piles
stacked up high ♪

♪ Hand-me-downs
that make me cry ♪

♪ Stand in line to take a pee

♪ Never any privacy

♪ Chaos with 11 kids

♪ That's the way
it always is ♪

♪ In the Loud house