The Loud House (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 14 - Toads and Tiaras/Two Boys and a Baby - full transcript
When Lola hurts herself and can't compete in her next pageant, Lincoln must train Lana to take her place instead./Lincoln and Clyde take up the task of babysitting Lily, but realize that the job's more difficult than they thought.
[upbeat music]
♪♪
- [yawns]
Ah, Sunday mornings.
My homework's done,
my chores are complete,
and I'm looking forward
to a whole day of freedom!
[upbeat music]
- Rise and shine, kids!
We're going
to Aunt Ruth's today!
[music stops, record scratches]
- Yay!
- Aunt Ruth's?
Today?
No!
Visits to Mom's aunt
are torture.
She makes us look at a million
pictures of her cats.
- Here's Mittens in Egypt.
We were going to visit
the Pyramids,
but Mittens hates the heat,
don't you, baby?
- She feeds us gross food.
- Ew, when was
this pudding made?
- Seeing as this flag on
the label only has 48 stars...
- And she always singles me out
to do special chores.
- And when
you're done scooping,
you can start rubbing
these bunions.
Don't forget
my extra toe!
- Ugh.
- Lucky.
- The only Louds who get
to skip out on Aunt Ruth's
are Lily and Dad.
Aunt Ruth doesn't trust Lily
around her cats,
so Dad stays home
and babysits her.
Lucky.
Wait.
Maybe I could be lucky too!
So I thought, this time,
why don't I babysit Lily
so dad can see Aunt Ruth
for a change?
- [coughing]
Well, now, son,
I couldn't deprive you
of your time with your aunt.
And--and I'm not sure
you're really ready
to take care of Lily, right?
Right?
- But I've learned a ton about
babysitting from Lori and Leni,
not to mention the real pros--
you guys.
- Well,
he's got a point, honey.
And talk
about a win-win!
You'll get to spend
the whole day with Ruthie!
[mug breaks]
- Now, all you'll need to do
is feed her, change her,
and then put her down
for a nap.
- If I have to see
that extra toe, so help me.
[sad music]
- Lucky.
- It's not luck.
It's strategy.
Have a great day.
- [sighs]
- [giggling]
- Come in, Lincoln.
It's Clyde.
Are we hanging out today?
- I'd love to, buddy,
but I'm babysitting Lily,
and you probably
don't want to--
- Are you kidding?
I'm great
with babies.
I'll be right over...
and out.
Over and out.
[mumbling playfully]
- [cooing]
- Mom says first thing,
we got to feed her.
Here, you put her
in the highchair,
and I'll get her food.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Open up the hangar,
Lily.
Here comes the airplane.
Okay,
a little turbulence.
- Here,
let me try.
It looks like
she doesn't want to eat.
- She's just a baby,
Clyde.
We can make her eat.
I mean,
how hard could it be?
- [giggling]
- You know, I read in this book
called "Food for Tot"
that if you show the baby
you like the food,
she'll like it too.
- Why were you reading
a baby book?
- I was waiting to see
my therapist.
Her lobby has a great
reading selection.
- Well,
it's worth a try.
Mmm, Lily,
chicken and gravy.
Doesn't that sound good?
both: Mmm...
yum, yummy!
[stomach rumbling]
- Lincoln, why is there
a dog on the label?
[both screaming]
[vomits]
[Lily giggling]
[laughing]
- Well, that was
disgusting.
But at least I'm not scooping
poop at Aunt Ruth's.
[farting]
- Speaking of poop...
- [babbling]
- This shouldn't be
too bad.
I've seen Mom do it
a million times.
- [farts]
- Oh, g--
- Lincoln!
Speak to me!
- My whole life
just flashed before my eyes!
- Let me try.
I've read all about this
in "Oopsie, My Baby Made
a Poopsie."
- [farts]
- [gasps]
That was weird. Your life
just flashed before my eyes.
- [farts]
[alarm blaring,
both gasping]
- It's practically
radioactive!
- Huh, radioactive,
you say.
It pays to have a sister
whose hobby is nuclear physics.
both: Ew!
- [laughing]
both: [slowed]
No!
[grunting]
- Oh, God!
Watch out!
- [laughing]
- Well,
that was disgusting.
- True, but at least I'm not
buffing bunions at Aunt Ruth's.
Let's never speak
of this.
- [yawns]
- Uh-oh, I think
it's somebody's nap time.
- Not now, Clyde.
We're supposed
to be babysitting.
Oh, you meant Lily.
- "And so the beautiful
Princess Lori
"and the brave Sir Clyde
lived happily ever after,
"while the dim-witted
Sir Bobby
was eaten alive by a"--
- Okay, Clyde. Let's not
give her nightmares.
both: Yea--
both: [whispering]
Yeah.
- What should we
do now?
- Zombie marathon?
[both screaming]
- [crying]
- It's okay, Lily.
Go back to sleep.
You ever read any books
about getting babies to sleep?
- Of course!
"NapQuest:
The Impossible Journey!"
It says babies
like white noise.
It reminds them
of the womb!
- [continues crying]
[cell phone ringing]
- Crud, it's Mom!
I can't let her hear
all this!
Hey, Mom.
- Hi, sweetie.
How is everything going?
- Great.
Smooth sailing.
- Do I hear
Lily crying?
- Oh, that, yeah,
we're just having
a teeny bit of a problem
getting her to nap.
- [crying]
- You know what
always works for me?
Taking her to the park.
That'll wear her out.
- Uh, thanks
for the tip, Mom. Bye!
Clyde!
What happened?
- Sorry, Lincoln.
I couldn't turn off
all the faucets in time!
- I'll go get
the mops.
- [crying]
[giggling]
- Wow!
Your mom knows
her stuff.
I wonder if she read
"Take a Walk on the Child Side."
- Okay, Lily.
Have fun
with your little friends.
We'll be right over there
watching you.
[both snoring]
Clyde!
Lily's on the loose!
- [screaming]
[children chattering happily]
[screaming]
- [screaming]
- [laughs, blows raspberry]
- Hey, kids.
Wait your turn.
- Got ya!
- This is not polite, kids.
[both screaming]
- Lily!
Lets get you home, Lily.
Well, that was
a nightmare,
but it still beats eating
moldy pudding at Aunt Ruth's.
- [crying]
- It's okay.
Don't cry.
- Shh...
- Hey, is there something
different about Lily?
both:
Because that's not Lily!
[screaming]
We took the wrong baby!
[cell phone chimes]
- It's my mom.
They're on their way home!
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
- There was probably
a better way to do that.
- Where is she?
- I don't know.
- Sorry.
- Sorry, my bad.
- Cute kid.
There!
That must be her!
- [giggling]
both:
Wait! Stop!
- [screams]
- Excuse me, sir.
I believe this belongs
to you.
- [babbles]
- Darn!
I always do this!
- [babbling]
- Whew!
What a day!
That did not go
as I expected.
But you know what?
I still win, 'cause I got out
of going to Aunt Ruth's.
Strategy!
[car horn honks]
- Mmm.
- Why aren't they
coming in?
[cell phone ringing]
- Mom?
- Hi, sweetie.
I just got a call
from Billy's dad--
Billy,
from the playground.
Billy just came down
with chicken pox,
which means you
and Clyde and Lily
might have been exposed.
I'm afraid all three of you
will have to be quarantined.
But luckily,
Aunt Ruth has already had
the chicken pox, so...
- [giggling]
[cats screeching]
- Lincoln, let Clyde
watch Lily.
My bunions are aching
something fierce!
- Well,
so much for strategy.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
♪♪
- [yawns]
Ah, Sunday mornings.
My homework's done,
my chores are complete,
and I'm looking forward
to a whole day of freedom!
[upbeat music]
- Rise and shine, kids!
We're going
to Aunt Ruth's today!
[music stops, record scratches]
- Yay!
- Aunt Ruth's?
Today?
No!
Visits to Mom's aunt
are torture.
She makes us look at a million
pictures of her cats.
- Here's Mittens in Egypt.
We were going to visit
the Pyramids,
but Mittens hates the heat,
don't you, baby?
- She feeds us gross food.
- Ew, when was
this pudding made?
- Seeing as this flag on
the label only has 48 stars...
- And she always singles me out
to do special chores.
- And when
you're done scooping,
you can start rubbing
these bunions.
Don't forget
my extra toe!
- Ugh.
- Lucky.
- The only Louds who get
to skip out on Aunt Ruth's
are Lily and Dad.
Aunt Ruth doesn't trust Lily
around her cats,
so Dad stays home
and babysits her.
Lucky.
Wait.
Maybe I could be lucky too!
So I thought, this time,
why don't I babysit Lily
so dad can see Aunt Ruth
for a change?
- [coughing]
Well, now, son,
I couldn't deprive you
of your time with your aunt.
And--and I'm not sure
you're really ready
to take care of Lily, right?
Right?
- But I've learned a ton about
babysitting from Lori and Leni,
not to mention the real pros--
you guys.
- Well,
he's got a point, honey.
And talk
about a win-win!
You'll get to spend
the whole day with Ruthie!
[mug breaks]
- Now, all you'll need to do
is feed her, change her,
and then put her down
for a nap.
- If I have to see
that extra toe, so help me.
[sad music]
- Lucky.
- It's not luck.
It's strategy.
Have a great day.
- [sighs]
- [giggling]
- Come in, Lincoln.
It's Clyde.
Are we hanging out today?
- I'd love to, buddy,
but I'm babysitting Lily,
and you probably
don't want to--
- Are you kidding?
I'm great
with babies.
I'll be right over...
and out.
Over and out.
[mumbling playfully]
- [cooing]
- Mom says first thing,
we got to feed her.
Here, you put her
in the highchair,
and I'll get her food.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
Open up the hangar,
Lily.
Here comes the airplane.
Okay,
a little turbulence.
- Here,
let me try.
It looks like
she doesn't want to eat.
- She's just a baby,
Clyde.
We can make her eat.
I mean,
how hard could it be?
- [giggling]
- You know, I read in this book
called "Food for Tot"
that if you show the baby
you like the food,
she'll like it too.
- Why were you reading
a baby book?
- I was waiting to see
my therapist.
Her lobby has a great
reading selection.
- Well,
it's worth a try.
Mmm, Lily,
chicken and gravy.
Doesn't that sound good?
both: Mmm...
yum, yummy!
[stomach rumbling]
- Lincoln, why is there
a dog on the label?
[both screaming]
[vomits]
[Lily giggling]
[laughing]
- Well, that was
disgusting.
But at least I'm not scooping
poop at Aunt Ruth's.
[farting]
- Speaking of poop...
- [babbling]
- This shouldn't be
too bad.
I've seen Mom do it
a million times.
- [farts]
- Oh, g--
- Lincoln!
Speak to me!
- My whole life
just flashed before my eyes!
- Let me try.
I've read all about this
in "Oopsie, My Baby Made
a Poopsie."
- [farts]
- [gasps]
That was weird. Your life
just flashed before my eyes.
- [farts]
[alarm blaring,
both gasping]
- It's practically
radioactive!
- Huh, radioactive,
you say.
It pays to have a sister
whose hobby is nuclear physics.
both: Ew!
- [laughing]
both: [slowed]
No!
[grunting]
- Oh, God!
Watch out!
- [laughing]
- Well,
that was disgusting.
- True, but at least I'm not
buffing bunions at Aunt Ruth's.
Let's never speak
of this.
- [yawns]
- Uh-oh, I think
it's somebody's nap time.
- Not now, Clyde.
We're supposed
to be babysitting.
Oh, you meant Lily.
- "And so the beautiful
Princess Lori
"and the brave Sir Clyde
lived happily ever after,
"while the dim-witted
Sir Bobby
was eaten alive by a"--
- Okay, Clyde. Let's not
give her nightmares.
both: Yea--
both: [whispering]
Yeah.
- What should we
do now?
- Zombie marathon?
[both screaming]
- [crying]
- It's okay, Lily.
Go back to sleep.
You ever read any books
about getting babies to sleep?
- Of course!
"NapQuest:
The Impossible Journey!"
It says babies
like white noise.
It reminds them
of the womb!
- [continues crying]
[cell phone ringing]
- Crud, it's Mom!
I can't let her hear
all this!
Hey, Mom.
- Hi, sweetie.
How is everything going?
- Great.
Smooth sailing.
- Do I hear
Lily crying?
- Oh, that, yeah,
we're just having
a teeny bit of a problem
getting her to nap.
- [crying]
- You know what
always works for me?
Taking her to the park.
That'll wear her out.
- Uh, thanks
for the tip, Mom. Bye!
Clyde!
What happened?
- Sorry, Lincoln.
I couldn't turn off
all the faucets in time!
- I'll go get
the mops.
- [crying]
[giggling]
- Wow!
Your mom knows
her stuff.
I wonder if she read
"Take a Walk on the Child Side."
- Okay, Lily.
Have fun
with your little friends.
We'll be right over there
watching you.
[both snoring]
Clyde!
Lily's on the loose!
- [screaming]
[children chattering happily]
[screaming]
- [screaming]
- [laughs, blows raspberry]
- Hey, kids.
Wait your turn.
- Got ya!
- This is not polite, kids.
[both screaming]
- Lily!
Lets get you home, Lily.
Well, that was
a nightmare,
but it still beats eating
moldy pudding at Aunt Ruth's.
- [crying]
- It's okay.
Don't cry.
- Shh...
- Hey, is there something
different about Lily?
both:
Because that's not Lily!
[screaming]
We took the wrong baby!
[cell phone chimes]
- It's my mom.
They're on their way home!
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
[both screaming]
- There was probably
a better way to do that.
- Where is she?
- I don't know.
- Sorry.
- Sorry, my bad.
- Cute kid.
There!
That must be her!
- [giggling]
both:
Wait! Stop!
- [screams]
- Excuse me, sir.
I believe this belongs
to you.
- [babbles]
- Darn!
I always do this!
- [babbling]
- Whew!
What a day!
That did not go
as I expected.
But you know what?
I still win, 'cause I got out
of going to Aunt Ruth's.
Strategy!
[car horn honks]
- Mmm.
- Why aren't they
coming in?
[cell phone ringing]
- Mom?
- Hi, sweetie.
I just got a call
from Billy's dad--
Billy,
from the playground.
Billy just came down
with chicken pox,
which means you
and Clyde and Lily
might have been exposed.
I'm afraid all three of you
will have to be quarantined.
But luckily,
Aunt Ruth has already had
the chicken pox, so...
- [giggling]
[cats screeching]
- Lincoln, let Clyde
watch Lily.
My bunions are aching
something fierce!
- Well,
so much for strategy.
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.