The Last Word (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - Episode #1.4 - full transcript
-[soft instrumental music plays]
-[Karla] What is death? An end?
A beginning?
A door?
-[leaves rustling]
-Death can be many things.
Mostly, it's a bleak affair for everyone.
But does that mean that funerals
have to be bleak affairs, too?
In other cultures, people dance
and make music, laugh and shout.
And what do we do?
Conformity, coldness, piety.
-I believe every person is unique…
-[laughing]
-…and therefore deserves a unique funeral.
-[bell ringing]
I believe that every life and every death
-has a story worth telling.
-[upbeat music playing]
I don't believe in rules.
I believe in creativity,
honesty, feelings, and humor.
My name is Karla Fazius. I'm a eulogist.
And I want to be there… for you.
So, what do you think?
-I don't know. I…
-[Karla laughs]
I think it's somehow, um…
Good?
Funny.
Funny? Because…
Weddings. That would be your thing.
-[keys jangling]
-[Andi] Take all the time you need
to find out what you all really want.
-Sugar?
-[liquid pours]
Sugar, yes. I'd like to come back
to the pallbearers.
Pallbearers, a choir, white doves.
Sounds more like a wedding.
[chuckles] Heike, Rapha and I
have spoken a lot about this.
That's nice, but Raphael and I
were married for 20 years.
I know him inside out, too.
My husband's lover thinks
he needs to explain my ex-husband to me.
-Have you ever asked what Rapha wants?
-[chuckling]
-[groans]
-Can you please stop
this constant dick-swinging competition?
[deep breathing]
What do you think of the suggestions,
Mr… Cornet?
-Cornet.
-Cornet.
Yes, Cornet.
-After all, it's your funeral.
-[inhaling]
[exhales]
In Tibet, I read about the principle
of sky burials.
The body is torn apart
and fed to the vultures until the flesh
has been gnawed to the bone.
Those are then ground down
and scattered in the wind.
[blows]
I'd like something like that.
My body laid out in the garden
and eaten by the crows.
-[caws]
-[laughter]
Well, what we could do is
scatter your ashes in a mountain stream.
-No.
-Or an Alpine funeral in Switzerland.
[Raphael] No, thank you.
I haven't heard anything even close
to a good suggestion from you
in the last two hours.
-[Heike] Raphael.
-[Raphael] Heike.
I'm in pain, I feel dizzy,
and if I don't get out of here right now,
I'll shit my pants. Hannes, let's go.
It's too bleak here, anyway. [coughs]
-Let's stay in touch, okay?
-[clears throat] Yeah, sure.
Shit.
♪ I'm gonna live till I die ♪
♪ I'm gonna laugh 'stead of cry ♪
♪ I'm gonna take the town
And turn it upside down ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live until I die ♪
♪ Gonna dance, gonna fly ♪
♪ I'll take a chance ridin' high ♪
♪ Before my number's up
I'm gonna fill my cup ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live, live, live ♪
♪ Until I die ♪
-Shall I drive you to Dr. Owusu's later?
-No, I'll take the bus.
-I'm happy to drive you.
-Mom, seriously.
Yep. [exhales] You need to realize, Karla,
you're not needed anymore.
You've been written off as a mother.
LOCHAU FUNERAL HOME:
WE DON'T NEED A EULOGIST AT THE MOMENT.
So, what's the plan, then?
Are you going to give speeches
for dead people until you die?
First of all,
it was your idea that I get a job.
Secondly, I enjoy it.
And thirdly, it's well paid.
[Judith] Mm-hmm. First of all, true.
Secondly, why?
Thirdly, do I have to do
all the shopping then?
You should do something you enjoy again.
-And you should put your top on correctly.
-What?
Oh, shit.
[spraying]
[Andi] Crow funeral, viking funeral,
Tibetan mountain funeral
with sound bowls and yak butter tea.
For fuck's sake.
I don't know what else to say to them.
If I don't think of something,
the Cornet job will be gone.
-Could you hold up the arm, please?
-Yeah, sure.
Maybe it was a mistake firing Karla,
what do you think?
[spraying]
Damn… This would be
the perfect job for her.
-[Ronnie] Then ask her.
-[Andi] I can't.
[Ronnie] Why not?
[scoffs]
Because I fired her.
[Ronnie] Hmm.
You okay alone? I have to go upstairs.
[Ronnie] Andi.
Just tell her that you need her.
She will understand.
[door closes]
[Dr. Owusu] How are you today, Tonio?
[Tonio] No idea. You tell me.
[Dr. Owusu] I should tell you how you are?
Yes, isn't that what my mother
pays you for?
Want to tell me about your bed-wetting?
Has it happened again?
-No.
-[Dr. Owusu] Good.
I'm pleased to hear that.
Hmm?
[sighs]
[Dr. Owusu] How are things at home?
Do you feel your mom and sister
understand you?
I'm 15. What do you think?
[exhales]
Okay, sorry.
[sighs]
No one talks to me like you do.
I…
Everyone treats me as if I was…
I don't know, like a child in a war zone
who can't know about the fighting.
Does that sound stupid?
-Not at all.
-[Tonio] Not just my mother and Judith.
-At school, too.
-[Dr. Owusu] Mm-hmm.
They're scared of saying the wrong thing,
so they say nothing.
And they expect the same from me.
I need to pretend nothing's happened
and everything's normal.
But nothing's normal, is it?
-[cell phone rings and vibrates]
-[shopping cart rattling]
Fazius speaking.
[Andi] Karla, it's me.
-Borowski.
-[Andi] Yes.
Hey, I… How are you?
[Karla] Good.
Can we keep this short?
I'm pretty busy right now.
Yes, of course.
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch
for so long,
but I have a new job for you.
[scoffs]
I'll be straight with you.
I lost the last four funerals to Eitner.
And this job…
Well, it could really help me.
And this family, well,
it'd be right up your alley.
Ronnie said I should tell you I need you.
So…
I need you.
Karla?
Are you still there?
Say, "Please."
[chuckles]
Please, please, please, please.
Hello, Grandma.
How are you?
[Mina] What the hell has put you
in such a good mood?
I'm not in a good mood. You are.
You can't pull the wool over my eyes.
You're in love.
What? No.
Or have you finally had sex?
No, Grandma, no. I haven't.
-What are you doing? Watching porn?
-You guys usually don't care about me.
[sighs] If you say so. See you later.
[keyboard clacking]
[sighs]
[Ronnie] Anyway, you wash the body,
being particularly thorough
around the orifices.
I cut his fingernails and toenails,
but I don't always do that.
Then you have to stuff the butt
with cotton wool and bind the penis.
And then you get to the ligature.
-Hm. Does that mean anything to you?
-Yeah, sure.
-Cool.
-No, of course not.
For the ligature, you take a cotton thread
and put it in down here.
Here. Up through the inside of the mouth.
Then here, through the nasal septum,
back into the inside of the mouth,
-and then you tie a knot in it.
-[Judith] Wow.
-Then the mouth is closed.
-Okay.
That's impressive.
Yeah.
Can I watch you sometime?
Sure.
Cool.
Hello, I'm here for my annual cleaning.
There are a few issues.
Very funny.
But a lot of it does have…
to do with your previous job, right?
[in English] Paint what you know about.
[in German] Those aren't teeth.
Rocks?
Rocks, mountains, that kind of thing?
No, that's a phall-- It's a willy.
You paint willies. You paint penises.
But yours--
And you still wonder
why I didn't tell you?
-I need to go. I'm late.
-As soon as things get serious, you go.
No. As soon as I want to go,
you get serious.
Our roles have reversed, Stephan.
You're playing at being an artist and…
I earn the money, take care of the kids,
and do the housework.
-Got it. When will you be back?
-[sighs] Tomorrow evening.
After I've dropped Tonio off at home.
BOROWSKI FUNERAL SERVICE
ESTABLISHED 1890
[door dings open]
-Morning, Frauke. How are you?
-[Andi] Karla.
[Frauke sighs]
[door creaks open]
[door closes]
-I'm glad that you found some time.
-Sure.
-Again, please forgive me.
-[Karla] Forgiven and forgotten.
[Andi] Thank you. Are you ready?
[laughing]
[Raphael coughing]
Mrs. Fazius.
You sound
as if you're half wedding planner,
half spiritual leader.
[Raphael coughs and laughs]
And no, that's not meant as a compliment.
Listen, I've got end-stage lung cancer.
All of this is very important
to my husband here.
My ex-wife less so.
My daughter doesn't want to spend all day
-in a stuffy funeral parlor.
-[phone chimes]
And I don't want my most intimate secrets
to be laid out here in public.
So just organize a decent funeral for us.
With crows in your garden, you mean?
-Or a Viking burial?
-Yes, but that's not possible.
[Raphael coughing]
[Raphael clears throat]
Usually, planning a funeral is done
without the deceased being present.
And even I want to stick
to a few conventions.
And so…
I suggest that you just leave.
Excuse me?
Just leave and let it be a surprise.
Or you could look at coffins
with Mr. Borowski.
And urns.
I would like to talk to each of you,
individually, one by one.
[Heike] Mm-hmm.
I'll have a smoke.
-[soft instrumental music plays]
-[Karla] Heike. Can I call you Heike?
When I met Rapha, I'd just started working
as an interior designer.
Hannes, he's a cutie, no doubt.
And then they moved
into the neighboring apartment.
And I stayed with Lea
in the apartment we owned.
The first few years were really difficult.
Your boss is quite nice.
Is he married?
I always felt like the third wheel.
But he's… always been determined.
He always knew exactly what he wanted.
-Hopeless. Hopeless.
-That's Rapha for you.
Hmm.
Yes. And then came the cancer.
Mm-hmm. We swore
we'd get through it together, but…
you've seen how things are between us.
I've looked after him mostly on my own
the past two years.
He always comes up with these crazy ideas.
Like these… funeral ceremonies.
But I have no idea what he actually wants.
[door opens]
[Karla] Lea, could I have a quick word
with you, too?
[footsteps depart]
UNDERTAKER OF THE YEAR -
THREE GENERATIONS OF SUCCESS
ALEXANDER EITNER
COMBINES TRADITION WITH MODERNITY
What a moron.
[scoffs]
Oh, "ecological," "super modern."
-[door opens]
-Asshole.
[Andi sighs]
-Hey.
-[Frauke] Hey.
[Andi] Hmm.
So you got what you wanted?
[Andi sighs]
[inhales deeply] Frauke…
[sighs] I think we… We need Karla.
She helps us keep decent customers.
Like the Cornet job.
We need her, do we?
-What do you think? That--
-It's fine. It's fine.
We all just want the same thing.
I want it to work out.
Between us. Hmm?
Okay.
-[belt jangling]
-Come on, then.
[zipper unzips]
[laughing]
Borowski.
Come on, we can skip the foreplay.
-[Ronnie whistling]
-[Andi and Frauke moaning]
[Frauke panting]
-[Ronnie] Oh, God. Oh, God.
-[moaning]
[sighs]
[groans]
[moaning continues]
[laughing]
[Frauke sighs]
[door opens]
[deep breath]
[door closes]
That would be for the whole family.
If everybody wants it.
[bird cawing]
[Hannes] It's a bit tight for our sofa.
-[Raphael chuckling] Yes.
-[Hannes chuckles]
But it has the right humidity
to be a wine cellar.
-[Hannes] So Heike can't complain either.
-[Raphael] And we're in nature.
Look. You always wanted
to move to the countryside.
[Hannes sighs]
What's happening now?
-[Karla] I want to talk to you alone.
-Oh.
Your family is trying their best
to cater to your wishes.
-So?
-But the ceremony is for the relatives.
It isn't for you.
It isn't for the deceased.
[coughing]
"Neither the sun nor death
can be looked at with a steady eye."
Wow. La Rochefoucauld.
You are well-prepared.
[Raphael coughs, sighs]
It's ridiculous.
[coughing]
The pain is so severe, I have to swallow
bucket-loads of medication.
[inhales, sighs]
And I look at the others…
living on without me.
And arguing over trivial matters.
And I want to go up to them and shout
all my fears and pain into their faces.
[sighs] I don't want
to have to think about all of this.
Is that so hard to understand?
No, but it's whiny.
[scoffs]
You have the opportunity
to give your family a good farewell.
And maybe you could resolve
the odd conflict, too.
Just pull yourself together.
[laughing] You are rude.
[laughing]
Okay.
What do you suggest?
[Tonio] Yes, it sounds so easy.
Everyone acts as if they know what to do.
This, that, don't get fat.
What's important in life.
But no one actually knows.
Hmm. What do you think?
I think if you find something
that makes you happy
and you can make a living doing it…
And friends, family.
-Taking care of others.
-Hmm.
And croak at the right time.
When you've done everything.
Is there a specific reason
you're thinking about that?
[inhales deeply]
[sighs] I don't know. What do you think?
I think you're an extraordinary boy.
But you're only 15, dammit.
You don't need to agonize
over every existential question.
Our time is up again already.
-Do we have to finish?
-Don't you think that was enough for now?
We could do something else, right?
I don't want to talk all the time anyway.
-We could just hang.
-My next patient will be here soon.
What about doing something on the weekend?
[soft instrumental music plays]
Tonio, you're…
You've made great progress
in such a short time.
It's really impressive.
I don't think we need to see each other
more often. Hmm?
Yes, but--
Do you really want to have to come here
every week for all eternity?
[bell rings]
See you next week?
-I'll go first.
-[Tonio] Hmm.
-Bye.
-[Tonio] Ciao. See you next week.
[footsteps depart]
[door opens]
[Dr. Owusu] Good to see you. Come in.
[birds chirping]
[footsteps approach]
-[door opens]
-[Judith] You spend your lunch break here?
[Ronnie] Even Ronnie needs daylight.
[relaxed exhale]
Can I have a bite?
-[mouthful] Stop grinning.
-[chuckles]
I'm not grinning.
You make me feel uneasy. Do you know that?
Is that good or bad?
I don't know.
[sighs]
Um…
Did your parents still…
What?
…have sex?
I have no idea.
I don't want to think about that.
Why would you even ask that?
[inhales deeply]
Because Andi and my mother had sex
all around the showroom yesterday.
[laughs]
-[Judith] Okay.
-The things I saw…
[laughing]
I can't get Andi's small, white ass
out of my head.
[chuckles] No, seriously.
It's there all the time.
No matter what I do.
[both laugh]
[clattering]
Someone's coming.
I think he wants something from you.
Do you know him?
-Whoa. [chuckles]
-Konstantin.
I really don't want to see her right now.
How are you?
-Fine. And you?
-[Konstantin] Okay.
I'm doing well.
Uh, I wanted to ask you out to dinner.
-Just like that.
-[chuckles]
I don't want to be rude, but…
Then just say yes.
Please.
[Konstantin sniffs]
Oh.
Oh. [chuckles]
All right, one dinner.
My toothbrush.
Why is she grinning
like a 13-year-old girl?
-I'll call you. Okay.
-[Konstantin] Great. Thanks.
Your gift.
[slight grunt]
-Don't you want to open it?
-Sure. Yes.
-Yes.
-I hope you like it.
It's a dress.
A dress?
You'll look beautiful in it. I'm sure.
I washed it.
Of course. [chuckles]
[Konstantin sniffs]
-I'll call you. [chuckles]
-Yes. Okay.
[Judith] What was that about?
-Maybe they like each other.
-[cell phone chimes]
PEER:
I WANT TO SEE YOU!
Oh. [sighs]
Him again. I… [sighs]
What's wrong?
My boyfriend is annoying.
My ex-boyfriend. Something in between.
Anyway, he's annoying.
Right, I've had enough daylight.
Shall we start?
[door closes]
Is everything okay, honey?
[Tonio] Mm-hmm.
-[Karla] Shall I make you something else?
-No, thanks. I'm just not that hungry.
Can I go to my room?
Yes, of course. Sure. Yes.
[footsteps depart]
-Seems like therapy's really helping.
-[door closes]
[hip hop plays]
What is it?
Nice dress.
-It's a cardigan. But thanks, anyway.
-Okay.
[keys jangle]
[door opens]
Karla?
[door closes]
[horn honks]
[keys jangling]
[door unlocks]
[keys jangling]
[door closes]
[hip hop plays loudly]
[banging on door]
[Mina] Turn the music down!
Leave me alone!
[Mina] Tonio!
-Tonio!
-[banging on door]
[continues banging]
Shit!
[music stops]
I want to be alone.
And I want to bang Harry Belafonte.
What's up with you?
-You were so unbearably happy.
-[Tonio sniffs]
Oh.
Lovesick?
Who's the lucky girl?
No one.
[Mina] Does she not want you?
Or did things just not work out?
The first time is always disappointing.
Oh, Grandma,
just leave me alone, will you?
[Mina] You can trust me with your secrets.
I'll take them with me to my grave.
[Mina laughing]
Very well.
[deep breath]
As you wish.
-It's my therapist.
-[Mina] What?
I'm in love with my therapist.
[dog barking in the distance]
What's the problem?
[sighs]
She said once I'm better,
I won't need to see her anymore.
It's simple.
What's simple about it?
Well, if you can no longer see her
when you're better,
you'll just have to pretend
you're not well.
Huh?
[Mina laughs]
[Karla] I've never seen you smoke before.
I thought my death
would be the right time to start.
[laughs]
[chuckling] What?
I think I sometimes missed
you being like that.
Being like what?
Well… nonchalant.
Not so uptight.
Do you think we would've stayed together
if you hadn't died?
-[Stephan inhales deeply]
-How…
[Karla sighs, grunts]
How were you able to do this?
To keep it from us.
For such a long time.
Every day, every morning, every night.
You must've been scared
that the truth would come out.
Didn't that wear you down?
No.
I didn't have to lie to myself anymore.
I came home at night, and I was happy.
To be honest, you guys benefited from it.
I was happy.
And so were you.
[softly] Yes.
[Karla] Dear Cornet family,
we have come together today
to say goodbye…
to Raphael.
A husband…
a lover…
a father.
Someone who influenced and engaged you.
[Heike chuckles]
Normally, I would talk about Raphael,
or maybe sing a song…
or dance.
Not very well, but I could do it.
Throw a farewell party.
But I don't want to talk.
I want you all to talk.
I want the three of you…
to tell Raphael all those things…
you always wanted to tell him.
Hmm?
[Hannes inhales]
Well, mainly, I'm sad.
All I want to do is cry all the time,
but I know that you don't like that,
so I hold myself back.
[Karla] Heike?
I was always jealous of the two of you
but couldn't admit it.
I was always scared he'd kick me out
and go back to you.
[Heike chuckles]
And I used to be in love with you.
[chuckles] Oh…
[Lea] Papa…
Sometimes it's hard for me
to see you like that.
The way you are now.
I'm scared that might hurt you.
Okay, shit.
I don't want you to go…
but I don't know
how much longer I can take this.
I'm angry…
because you made my life so complicated.
And now I have to sit here
and listen to this shit!
Can't you see that we all know
you're scared shitless?
But how is that our fault?
Do you have to confront us with that
every single day?
Can't you just enjoy
your last few days with us?
Goddammit.
[Raphael sighs]
[Raphael sighs]
So? How did it feel to be dead?
I don't know.
[Raphael sighs]
There are things I have to think about.
Thank you.
[clears throat]
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[continues breathing heavily]
[bangs]
[head thuds]
[head thuds]
[breathing heavily]
[slight grunt]
[exhales, sniffs]
[exhales, breathes deeply]
[sniffing]
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
-[shaky breathing]
-[doorbell rings]
[breathing heavily]
Tonio.
[Karla panting]
Fifteen minutes. Fuck.
[exhales] Shit.
[panting]
LIVING HUMANELY, DYING HUMANELY
IS THE DISEASE SEVERE AND INCURABLE?
[keys jangle]
[keys jangling]
[sniffs]
[running footsteps]
-[panting]
-[distant siren wailing]
[pants]
Hey!
Hey. [panting]
I didn't know
you were capable of sweating.
-[Andi chuckles]
-I'm surprised myself.
Raphael Cornet passed away last night.
-Really?
-[Andi] I picked him up this morning.
He's downstairs. Here.
I found this in his coat pocket.
"Thank you. Sorry. Bye."
Short and sweet.
[sighs]
-Shit.
-[Andi] Hmm?
Shit.
-Do you think that I…
-Nonsense.
What about the funeral rehearsal?
He killed himself
because he didn't want to suffer anymore.
It was a relief for the Cornet family.
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
I keep doing everything wrong.
[inhales deeply] And I…
Do you think I'm dealing with my grief
the wrong way?
Karla, I've been doing this shit
since I was a kid.
I can't tell you how many bereaved people
I've had to deal with.
Some of them
seem as though they can handle it.
Well, and…
with others, you can tell…
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
…they'll never get over it.
And others just sit there
and don't seem to care about anything.
But if you're asking me
whether there's a right way to mourn…
[inhales deeply, sighs]
No.
And if there's no right way,
then there's no wrong way.
-Hmm?
-[slight chuckle]
[Andi] Hmm? Hmm?
[slight chuckle]
[soft instrumental music plays]
-You're a good friend, Andi.
-[Andi] Yeah?
[Andi] Mmm.
Everything all right?
Yes, thank you.
I'm going to get back to Cornet.
[sighs]
[mumbling indistinctly]
No.
Nope.
[Andi sighs]
[mumbling indistinctly]
[Frauke] I'm off, then.
Okay. I won't be long.
Excuse me!
What are you doing?
-I'm taking some cash.
-No, I mean that.
What does it look like?
-You can't do this.
-Of course I can.
And what about Ronnie?
He's coming with me.
[Andi] Ronnie, could you come here,
please?
He's 22.
He's my son.
Sorry, but you wanted him
to be my son, too.
[Frauke] You say it's all about family.
But it's never about me or Ronnie.
It's all about your damn business!
I can't bear to watch anymore.
Are you coming?
Don't involve me in your shit.
[door closes]
Frauke, I need you.
[sentimental music plays]
Don't forget to feed the fish!
[door chimes]
[door closes]
[keys jangle]
[lights tinkling on]
[mid-tempo music plays]
-[Karla] What is death? An end?
A beginning?
A door?
-[leaves rustling]
-Death can be many things.
Mostly, it's a bleak affair for everyone.
But does that mean that funerals
have to be bleak affairs, too?
In other cultures, people dance
and make music, laugh and shout.
And what do we do?
Conformity, coldness, piety.
-I believe every person is unique…
-[laughing]
-…and therefore deserves a unique funeral.
-[bell ringing]
I believe that every life and every death
-has a story worth telling.
-[upbeat music playing]
I don't believe in rules.
I believe in creativity,
honesty, feelings, and humor.
My name is Karla Fazius. I'm a eulogist.
And I want to be there… for you.
So, what do you think?
-I don't know. I…
-[Karla laughs]
I think it's somehow, um…
Good?
Funny.
Funny? Because…
Weddings. That would be your thing.
-[keys jangling]
-[Andi] Take all the time you need
to find out what you all really want.
-Sugar?
-[liquid pours]
Sugar, yes. I'd like to come back
to the pallbearers.
Pallbearers, a choir, white doves.
Sounds more like a wedding.
[chuckles] Heike, Rapha and I
have spoken a lot about this.
That's nice, but Raphael and I
were married for 20 years.
I know him inside out, too.
My husband's lover thinks
he needs to explain my ex-husband to me.
-Have you ever asked what Rapha wants?
-[chuckling]
-[groans]
-Can you please stop
this constant dick-swinging competition?
[deep breathing]
What do you think of the suggestions,
Mr… Cornet?
-Cornet.
-Cornet.
Yes, Cornet.
-After all, it's your funeral.
-[inhaling]
[exhales]
In Tibet, I read about the principle
of sky burials.
The body is torn apart
and fed to the vultures until the flesh
has been gnawed to the bone.
Those are then ground down
and scattered in the wind.
[blows]
I'd like something like that.
My body laid out in the garden
and eaten by the crows.
-[caws]
-[laughter]
Well, what we could do is
scatter your ashes in a mountain stream.
-No.
-Or an Alpine funeral in Switzerland.
[Raphael] No, thank you.
I haven't heard anything even close
to a good suggestion from you
in the last two hours.
-[Heike] Raphael.
-[Raphael] Heike.
I'm in pain, I feel dizzy,
and if I don't get out of here right now,
I'll shit my pants. Hannes, let's go.
It's too bleak here, anyway. [coughs]
-Let's stay in touch, okay?
-[clears throat] Yeah, sure.
Shit.
♪ I'm gonna live till I die ♪
♪ I'm gonna laugh 'stead of cry ♪
♪ I'm gonna take the town
And turn it upside down ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live until I die ♪
♪ Gonna dance, gonna fly ♪
♪ I'll take a chance ridin' high ♪
♪ Before my number's up
I'm gonna fill my cup ♪
♪ I'm gonna live, live, live, live, live ♪
♪ Until I die ♪
-Shall I drive you to Dr. Owusu's later?
-No, I'll take the bus.
-I'm happy to drive you.
-Mom, seriously.
Yep. [exhales] You need to realize, Karla,
you're not needed anymore.
You've been written off as a mother.
LOCHAU FUNERAL HOME:
WE DON'T NEED A EULOGIST AT THE MOMENT.
So, what's the plan, then?
Are you going to give speeches
for dead people until you die?
First of all,
it was your idea that I get a job.
Secondly, I enjoy it.
And thirdly, it's well paid.
[Judith] Mm-hmm. First of all, true.
Secondly, why?
Thirdly, do I have to do
all the shopping then?
You should do something you enjoy again.
-And you should put your top on correctly.
-What?
Oh, shit.
[spraying]
[Andi] Crow funeral, viking funeral,
Tibetan mountain funeral
with sound bowls and yak butter tea.
For fuck's sake.
I don't know what else to say to them.
If I don't think of something,
the Cornet job will be gone.
-Could you hold up the arm, please?
-Yeah, sure.
Maybe it was a mistake firing Karla,
what do you think?
[spraying]
Damn… This would be
the perfect job for her.
-[Ronnie] Then ask her.
-[Andi] I can't.
[Ronnie] Why not?
[scoffs]
Because I fired her.
[Ronnie] Hmm.
You okay alone? I have to go upstairs.
[Ronnie] Andi.
Just tell her that you need her.
She will understand.
[door closes]
[Dr. Owusu] How are you today, Tonio?
[Tonio] No idea. You tell me.
[Dr. Owusu] I should tell you how you are?
Yes, isn't that what my mother
pays you for?
Want to tell me about your bed-wetting?
Has it happened again?
-No.
-[Dr. Owusu] Good.
I'm pleased to hear that.
Hmm?
[sighs]
[Dr. Owusu] How are things at home?
Do you feel your mom and sister
understand you?
I'm 15. What do you think?
[exhales]
Okay, sorry.
[sighs]
No one talks to me like you do.
I…
Everyone treats me as if I was…
I don't know, like a child in a war zone
who can't know about the fighting.
Does that sound stupid?
-Not at all.
-[Tonio] Not just my mother and Judith.
-At school, too.
-[Dr. Owusu] Mm-hmm.
They're scared of saying the wrong thing,
so they say nothing.
And they expect the same from me.
I need to pretend nothing's happened
and everything's normal.
But nothing's normal, is it?
-[cell phone rings and vibrates]
-[shopping cart rattling]
Fazius speaking.
[Andi] Karla, it's me.
-Borowski.
-[Andi] Yes.
Hey, I… How are you?
[Karla] Good.
Can we keep this short?
I'm pretty busy right now.
Yes, of course.
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch
for so long,
but I have a new job for you.
[scoffs]
I'll be straight with you.
I lost the last four funerals to Eitner.
And this job…
Well, it could really help me.
And this family, well,
it'd be right up your alley.
Ronnie said I should tell you I need you.
So…
I need you.
Karla?
Are you still there?
Say, "Please."
[chuckles]
Please, please, please, please.
Hello, Grandma.
How are you?
[Mina] What the hell has put you
in such a good mood?
I'm not in a good mood. You are.
You can't pull the wool over my eyes.
You're in love.
What? No.
Or have you finally had sex?
No, Grandma, no. I haven't.
-What are you doing? Watching porn?
-You guys usually don't care about me.
[sighs] If you say so. See you later.
[keyboard clacking]
[sighs]
[Ronnie] Anyway, you wash the body,
being particularly thorough
around the orifices.
I cut his fingernails and toenails,
but I don't always do that.
Then you have to stuff the butt
with cotton wool and bind the penis.
And then you get to the ligature.
-Hm. Does that mean anything to you?
-Yeah, sure.
-Cool.
-No, of course not.
For the ligature, you take a cotton thread
and put it in down here.
Here. Up through the inside of the mouth.
Then here, through the nasal septum,
back into the inside of the mouth,
-and then you tie a knot in it.
-[Judith] Wow.
-Then the mouth is closed.
-Okay.
That's impressive.
Yeah.
Can I watch you sometime?
Sure.
Cool.
Hello, I'm here for my annual cleaning.
There are a few issues.
Very funny.
But a lot of it does have…
to do with your previous job, right?
[in English] Paint what you know about.
[in German] Those aren't teeth.
Rocks?
Rocks, mountains, that kind of thing?
No, that's a phall-- It's a willy.
You paint willies. You paint penises.
But yours--
And you still wonder
why I didn't tell you?
-I need to go. I'm late.
-As soon as things get serious, you go.
No. As soon as I want to go,
you get serious.
Our roles have reversed, Stephan.
You're playing at being an artist and…
I earn the money, take care of the kids,
and do the housework.
-Got it. When will you be back?
-[sighs] Tomorrow evening.
After I've dropped Tonio off at home.
BOROWSKI FUNERAL SERVICE
ESTABLISHED 1890
[door dings open]
-Morning, Frauke. How are you?
-[Andi] Karla.
[Frauke sighs]
[door creaks open]
[door closes]
-I'm glad that you found some time.
-Sure.
-Again, please forgive me.
-[Karla] Forgiven and forgotten.
[Andi] Thank you. Are you ready?
[laughing]
[Raphael coughing]
Mrs. Fazius.
You sound
as if you're half wedding planner,
half spiritual leader.
[Raphael coughs and laughs]
And no, that's not meant as a compliment.
Listen, I've got end-stage lung cancer.
All of this is very important
to my husband here.
My ex-wife less so.
My daughter doesn't want to spend all day
-in a stuffy funeral parlor.
-[phone chimes]
And I don't want my most intimate secrets
to be laid out here in public.
So just organize a decent funeral for us.
With crows in your garden, you mean?
-Or a Viking burial?
-Yes, but that's not possible.
[Raphael coughing]
[Raphael clears throat]
Usually, planning a funeral is done
without the deceased being present.
And even I want to stick
to a few conventions.
And so…
I suggest that you just leave.
Excuse me?
Just leave and let it be a surprise.
Or you could look at coffins
with Mr. Borowski.
And urns.
I would like to talk to each of you,
individually, one by one.
[Heike] Mm-hmm.
I'll have a smoke.
-[soft instrumental music plays]
-[Karla] Heike. Can I call you Heike?
When I met Rapha, I'd just started working
as an interior designer.
Hannes, he's a cutie, no doubt.
And then they moved
into the neighboring apartment.
And I stayed with Lea
in the apartment we owned.
The first few years were really difficult.
Your boss is quite nice.
Is he married?
I always felt like the third wheel.
But he's… always been determined.
He always knew exactly what he wanted.
-Hopeless. Hopeless.
-That's Rapha for you.
Hmm.
Yes. And then came the cancer.
Mm-hmm. We swore
we'd get through it together, but…
you've seen how things are between us.
I've looked after him mostly on my own
the past two years.
He always comes up with these crazy ideas.
Like these… funeral ceremonies.
But I have no idea what he actually wants.
[door opens]
[Karla] Lea, could I have a quick word
with you, too?
[footsteps depart]
UNDERTAKER OF THE YEAR -
THREE GENERATIONS OF SUCCESS
ALEXANDER EITNER
COMBINES TRADITION WITH MODERNITY
What a moron.
[scoffs]
Oh, "ecological," "super modern."
-[door opens]
-Asshole.
[Andi sighs]
-Hey.
-[Frauke] Hey.
[Andi] Hmm.
So you got what you wanted?
[Andi sighs]
[inhales deeply] Frauke…
[sighs] I think we… We need Karla.
She helps us keep decent customers.
Like the Cornet job.
We need her, do we?
-What do you think? That--
-It's fine. It's fine.
We all just want the same thing.
I want it to work out.
Between us. Hmm?
Okay.
-[belt jangling]
-Come on, then.
[zipper unzips]
[laughing]
Borowski.
Come on, we can skip the foreplay.
-[Ronnie whistling]
-[Andi and Frauke moaning]
[Frauke panting]
-[Ronnie] Oh, God. Oh, God.
-[moaning]
[sighs]
[groans]
[moaning continues]
[laughing]
[Frauke sighs]
[door opens]
[deep breath]
[door closes]
That would be for the whole family.
If everybody wants it.
[bird cawing]
[Hannes] It's a bit tight for our sofa.
-[Raphael chuckling] Yes.
-[Hannes chuckles]
But it has the right humidity
to be a wine cellar.
-[Hannes] So Heike can't complain either.
-[Raphael] And we're in nature.
Look. You always wanted
to move to the countryside.
[Hannes sighs]
What's happening now?
-[Karla] I want to talk to you alone.
-Oh.
Your family is trying their best
to cater to your wishes.
-So?
-But the ceremony is for the relatives.
It isn't for you.
It isn't for the deceased.
[coughing]
"Neither the sun nor death
can be looked at with a steady eye."
Wow. La Rochefoucauld.
You are well-prepared.
[Raphael coughs, sighs]
It's ridiculous.
[coughing]
The pain is so severe, I have to swallow
bucket-loads of medication.
[inhales, sighs]
And I look at the others…
living on without me.
And arguing over trivial matters.
And I want to go up to them and shout
all my fears and pain into their faces.
[sighs] I don't want
to have to think about all of this.
Is that so hard to understand?
No, but it's whiny.
[scoffs]
You have the opportunity
to give your family a good farewell.
And maybe you could resolve
the odd conflict, too.
Just pull yourself together.
[laughing] You are rude.
[laughing]
Okay.
What do you suggest?
[Tonio] Yes, it sounds so easy.
Everyone acts as if they know what to do.
This, that, don't get fat.
What's important in life.
But no one actually knows.
Hmm. What do you think?
I think if you find something
that makes you happy
and you can make a living doing it…
And friends, family.
-Taking care of others.
-Hmm.
And croak at the right time.
When you've done everything.
Is there a specific reason
you're thinking about that?
[inhales deeply]
[sighs] I don't know. What do you think?
I think you're an extraordinary boy.
But you're only 15, dammit.
You don't need to agonize
over every existential question.
Our time is up again already.
-Do we have to finish?
-Don't you think that was enough for now?
We could do something else, right?
I don't want to talk all the time anyway.
-We could just hang.
-My next patient will be here soon.
What about doing something on the weekend?
[soft instrumental music plays]
Tonio, you're…
You've made great progress
in such a short time.
It's really impressive.
I don't think we need to see each other
more often. Hmm?
Yes, but--
Do you really want to have to come here
every week for all eternity?
[bell rings]
See you next week?
-I'll go first.
-[Tonio] Hmm.
-Bye.
-[Tonio] Ciao. See you next week.
[footsteps depart]
[door opens]
[Dr. Owusu] Good to see you. Come in.
[birds chirping]
[footsteps approach]
-[door opens]
-[Judith] You spend your lunch break here?
[Ronnie] Even Ronnie needs daylight.
[relaxed exhale]
Can I have a bite?
-[mouthful] Stop grinning.
-[chuckles]
I'm not grinning.
You make me feel uneasy. Do you know that?
Is that good or bad?
I don't know.
[sighs]
Um…
Did your parents still…
What?
…have sex?
I have no idea.
I don't want to think about that.
Why would you even ask that?
[inhales deeply]
Because Andi and my mother had sex
all around the showroom yesterday.
[laughs]
-[Judith] Okay.
-The things I saw…
[laughing]
I can't get Andi's small, white ass
out of my head.
[chuckles] No, seriously.
It's there all the time.
No matter what I do.
[both laugh]
[clattering]
Someone's coming.
I think he wants something from you.
Do you know him?
-Whoa. [chuckles]
-Konstantin.
I really don't want to see her right now.
How are you?
-Fine. And you?
-[Konstantin] Okay.
I'm doing well.
Uh, I wanted to ask you out to dinner.
-Just like that.
-[chuckles]
I don't want to be rude, but…
Then just say yes.
Please.
[Konstantin sniffs]
Oh.
Oh. [chuckles]
All right, one dinner.
My toothbrush.
Why is she grinning
like a 13-year-old girl?
-I'll call you. Okay.
-[Konstantin] Great. Thanks.
Your gift.
[slight grunt]
-Don't you want to open it?
-Sure. Yes.
-Yes.
-I hope you like it.
It's a dress.
A dress?
You'll look beautiful in it. I'm sure.
I washed it.
Of course. [chuckles]
[Konstantin sniffs]
-I'll call you. [chuckles]
-Yes. Okay.
[Judith] What was that about?
-Maybe they like each other.
-[cell phone chimes]
PEER:
I WANT TO SEE YOU!
Oh. [sighs]
Him again. I… [sighs]
What's wrong?
My boyfriend is annoying.
My ex-boyfriend. Something in between.
Anyway, he's annoying.
Right, I've had enough daylight.
Shall we start?
[door closes]
Is everything okay, honey?
[Tonio] Mm-hmm.
-[Karla] Shall I make you something else?
-No, thanks. I'm just not that hungry.
Can I go to my room?
Yes, of course. Sure. Yes.
[footsteps depart]
-Seems like therapy's really helping.
-[door closes]
[hip hop plays]
What is it?
Nice dress.
-It's a cardigan. But thanks, anyway.
-Okay.
[keys jangle]
[door opens]
Karla?
[door closes]
[horn honks]
[keys jangling]
[door unlocks]
[keys jangling]
[door closes]
[hip hop plays loudly]
[banging on door]
[Mina] Turn the music down!
Leave me alone!
[Mina] Tonio!
-Tonio!
-[banging on door]
[continues banging]
Shit!
[music stops]
I want to be alone.
And I want to bang Harry Belafonte.
What's up with you?
-You were so unbearably happy.
-[Tonio sniffs]
Oh.
Lovesick?
Who's the lucky girl?
No one.
[Mina] Does she not want you?
Or did things just not work out?
The first time is always disappointing.
Oh, Grandma,
just leave me alone, will you?
[Mina] You can trust me with your secrets.
I'll take them with me to my grave.
[Mina laughing]
Very well.
[deep breath]
As you wish.
-It's my therapist.
-[Mina] What?
I'm in love with my therapist.
[dog barking in the distance]
What's the problem?
[sighs]
She said once I'm better,
I won't need to see her anymore.
It's simple.
What's simple about it?
Well, if you can no longer see her
when you're better,
you'll just have to pretend
you're not well.
Huh?
[Mina laughs]
[Karla] I've never seen you smoke before.
I thought my death
would be the right time to start.
[laughs]
[chuckling] What?
I think I sometimes missed
you being like that.
Being like what?
Well… nonchalant.
Not so uptight.
Do you think we would've stayed together
if you hadn't died?
-[Stephan inhales deeply]
-How…
[Karla sighs, grunts]
How were you able to do this?
To keep it from us.
For such a long time.
Every day, every morning, every night.
You must've been scared
that the truth would come out.
Didn't that wear you down?
No.
I didn't have to lie to myself anymore.
I came home at night, and I was happy.
To be honest, you guys benefited from it.
I was happy.
And so were you.
[softly] Yes.
[Karla] Dear Cornet family,
we have come together today
to say goodbye…
to Raphael.
A husband…
a lover…
a father.
Someone who influenced and engaged you.
[Heike chuckles]
Normally, I would talk about Raphael,
or maybe sing a song…
or dance.
Not very well, but I could do it.
Throw a farewell party.
But I don't want to talk.
I want you all to talk.
I want the three of you…
to tell Raphael all those things…
you always wanted to tell him.
Hmm?
[Hannes inhales]
Well, mainly, I'm sad.
All I want to do is cry all the time,
but I know that you don't like that,
so I hold myself back.
[Karla] Heike?
I was always jealous of the two of you
but couldn't admit it.
I was always scared he'd kick me out
and go back to you.
[Heike chuckles]
And I used to be in love with you.
[chuckles] Oh…
[Lea] Papa…
Sometimes it's hard for me
to see you like that.
The way you are now.
I'm scared that might hurt you.
Okay, shit.
I don't want you to go…
but I don't know
how much longer I can take this.
I'm angry…
because you made my life so complicated.
And now I have to sit here
and listen to this shit!
Can't you see that we all know
you're scared shitless?
But how is that our fault?
Do you have to confront us with that
every single day?
Can't you just enjoy
your last few days with us?
Goddammit.
[Raphael sighs]
[Raphael sighs]
So? How did it feel to be dead?
I don't know.
[Raphael sighs]
There are things I have to think about.
Thank you.
[clears throat]
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[continues breathing heavily]
[bangs]
[head thuds]
[head thuds]
[breathing heavily]
[slight grunt]
[exhales, sniffs]
[exhales, breathes deeply]
[sniffing]
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
-[shaky breathing]
-[doorbell rings]
[breathing heavily]
Tonio.
[Karla panting]
Fifteen minutes. Fuck.
[exhales] Shit.
[panting]
LIVING HUMANELY, DYING HUMANELY
IS THE DISEASE SEVERE AND INCURABLE?
[keys jangle]
[keys jangling]
[sniffs]
[running footsteps]
-[panting]
-[distant siren wailing]
[pants]
Hey!
Hey. [panting]
I didn't know
you were capable of sweating.
-[Andi chuckles]
-I'm surprised myself.
Raphael Cornet passed away last night.
-Really?
-[Andi] I picked him up this morning.
He's downstairs. Here.
I found this in his coat pocket.
"Thank you. Sorry. Bye."
Short and sweet.
[sighs]
-Shit.
-[Andi] Hmm?
Shit.
-Do you think that I…
-Nonsense.
What about the funeral rehearsal?
He killed himself
because he didn't want to suffer anymore.
It was a relief for the Cornet family.
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
I keep doing everything wrong.
[inhales deeply] And I…
Do you think I'm dealing with my grief
the wrong way?
Karla, I've been doing this shit
since I was a kid.
I can't tell you how many bereaved people
I've had to deal with.
Some of them
seem as though they can handle it.
Well, and…
with others, you can tell…
[inhales deeply]
[sighs]
…they'll never get over it.
And others just sit there
and don't seem to care about anything.
But if you're asking me
whether there's a right way to mourn…
[inhales deeply, sighs]
No.
And if there's no right way,
then there's no wrong way.
-Hmm?
-[slight chuckle]
[Andi] Hmm? Hmm?
[slight chuckle]
[soft instrumental music plays]
-You're a good friend, Andi.
-[Andi] Yeah?
[Andi] Mmm.
Everything all right?
Yes, thank you.
I'm going to get back to Cornet.
[sighs]
[mumbling indistinctly]
No.
Nope.
[Andi sighs]
[mumbling indistinctly]
[Frauke] I'm off, then.
Okay. I won't be long.
Excuse me!
What are you doing?
-I'm taking some cash.
-No, I mean that.
What does it look like?
-You can't do this.
-Of course I can.
And what about Ronnie?
He's coming with me.
[Andi] Ronnie, could you come here,
please?
He's 22.
He's my son.
Sorry, but you wanted him
to be my son, too.
[Frauke] You say it's all about family.
But it's never about me or Ronnie.
It's all about your damn business!
I can't bear to watch anymore.
Are you coming?
Don't involve me in your shit.
[door closes]
Frauke, I need you.
[sentimental music plays]
Don't forget to feed the fish!
[door chimes]
[door closes]
[keys jangle]
[lights tinkling on]
[mid-tempo music plays]