The Last Weekend (2012–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Sunday/Monday - full transcript
As the gap between Ian's perception and reality grows so does his dangerous manipulation of Ollie - whose behaviour becomes increasingly dangerous and erratic. With emotions running high, tragedy looms and the triathlon ends in a thrilling head to head battle with devastating consequences.
This is me retracing my steps.
Ollie and Daisy - they're my oldest
friends.
I've got an inoperable brain tumour.
I'm going to die.
Ollie and I have a three events
triathlon... for money.
This is a triathlon.
We're meant to be testing ourselves
against each other physically!
I could murder someone tomorrow.
You'd better watch out.
Men don't like women finding other
men attractive.
They don't.
Spare a thought for Ollie. He definitely
didn't like this guy being around.
Where's your wife, Milo?
I could always think of Daisy who
remained my constant love.
No. No. No. No. No! Argh!
Agh! Yes!
No!
Come on, Milo!
Ian!
Ian.
Ian. Ian.
You were dreaming.
I was?
Oh. What time is it?
Gone midday.
You were late to bed last night.
Ye-ah.
Daisy and Milo...
We were talking and er...
Yeah, I've just spoken to Daisy.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. And... erm...
She knows about Ollie's tumour.
Then why did he tell me not to say
anything?
Yeah. She said she didn't know why
he said that.
But, according to his consultant,
it's low grade
slow growing and probably operable.
Even benign.
Do you mean he's not dying?
Well...
Daisy said they were upbeat about
his prospects.
Why is she marrying him, then?
What's that got to do with anything?
The lying git.
Do y'think Archie wants coffee?
No, he's gone back to the festival.
Are you OK? Yeah. Yeah.
Tenno Heika Banzai!
Aarrghhhh!
Oh, my God. That was fantastic. You
should have seen your face.
I've been standing here
for 15 minutes waiting for that.
Worth every second. Gotcha! What's
going on? I'm scaring Uncle Ian.
Well, Em says to get ready cos we're
all going to swim at the beach.
And we're coming with YOU.
Down at the bottom of the deep blue
sea, how many fishes can we see?
- Are they dead or are they alive?
- Alive.
Down at the bottom of the deep blue
sea, how many whelks can we see?
Are they dead or are they alive?
Get the stuff out the boot.
- Have you got the keys?
- The girls are tired.
Thanks.
No, they wanna stay.
Let's see what we got in here.
Make him stay one more night,
please. Ask him. Make him. Well...
Not like that! Stay one more night.
You are staying one more night.
Oh, good. That's a promise. You just
promised.
First one to the beach is the best
person in the whole world!
Come on! Come on!
Oh, what? That wasn't there when I
was a kid.
Oh, hurry up. Look.
Oh! Well, never mind, it doesn't say
no paddling.
Come on. Paddling? That's true.
Ian! Not so far. It said no
swimming.
Good boy, Rufus. Come here.
I just want to say, I was encouraged
by Daisy going off on her own.
I mean, she was clearly engineering
a situation where we could talk.
Not just about last night but about
the future.
Because, I mean, it was great that
Ollie was going to be OK for now...
but these things always get you in
the end.
Which is why she's marrying him.
It's a financial thing. It always
was.
By the way, she must have heard me
coming but...
Oh. It's you.
What have you got?
Nothing much.
I'm not sure what that is.
That's amber. Hmm.
You learn something new every day.
What did you learn last night?
When Milo went to bed.
I don't want to talk about it. I was
drunk. You were wonderful.
You were rough. It's because I
wanted you so badly.
No. No. No. No. No. It's true.
Don't say that.
I can't help it. It's what I've
always wanted. It makes it worse!
I'm being serious. Ian, we'd been
drinking. A lot.
It just wasn't real. We're both with
others. End of story. Listen.
It was more real than anything I've
ever... Don't!
Look, last night was the most
important night of my life.
Can we stop going on about last
night? It meant nothing.
Less than nothing. So just get that
through your thick skull.
Hey, look. Look. The stone with no
heart.
Look. I'll find you both one. Let's
go show Daddy.
I was thick. And our lovemaking had
no meaning.
I was a nothing man...
who'd had nothing sex...
with a woman who'd felt nothing for
him.
I'd been used. And chucked away.
Ian.
You all right? Yeah.
Apparently, there's a storm coming
so Milo and Daisy are going on ahead
to get the cushions inside.
You know, just in case. What
on their own? Just the two of them?
Yeah. I'm coming with you.
You're giving me the Ford Fiesta
Experience.
You know, if all the stuck gets
soaked,
we won't be able to get it dry
before we leave tomorrow.
Who said it's gonna rain? Milo.
Mr Ecology's a weather man too?
Here we are.
Milo's not back yet.
I mean, where the hell are they?
Maybe they got lost because you were
with them on the way.
Well, yeah, but he was driving.
Yeah, but it's always different on
the way back, isn't it?
How long have they known each other?
A couple of years.
Oh.
What?
I assumed it would be longer, that's
all.
They're very comfortable with each
other.
Yeah, well, it's the nature of their
jobs, isn't it?
They're good with people.
I wasn't implying anything.
I never said you were.
I just got the impression that you
were. No. Fine.
The thing is, Daisy...
has to be fond of her clients
in order to represent them properly.
It's just the way she works.
- And she obviously is.
- Stay another night.
She even gets you to ask him. So?
No, it's good.
It's good. She just cares about Milo
because of the situation he's in.
Sorry? The situation that Milo's in.
Saying the same thing twice doesn't
make it any clearer.
Milo's moving back to New York.
His marriage has broken up.
Sorry. I assumed Daisy would have
told you.
Yeah. Er...
I think she mentioned it.
Yeah. So he's single again.
You can tell, can't you? He's got
the look of someone who's... What?
On the prowl?
Lonely.
Oh, don't worry. He's just latching
on to Daisy for now.
A shoulder to cry on. And like you
say, she's fond of him so...
Oh, there you go.
Great.
Mucky hands. Mucky hands.
Mucky what else?
We had a puncture and got lost cos
you weren't with us.
No. No. No. Don't touch me. You'll
get filthy. I want a wash.
You kids have fun at the beach?
You think I'm a bad person, don't
you?
I know you do. I do too... sometimes.
But the thing is, Daisy's the love
of my life. You know?
She's the one who makes my heart
ache when I think of her
with someone else and she was too
physical with this Milo. She was.
And I mean, did they have a
puncture? I don't know.
What I do know is that we all get
over guilt...
or hurt or past misdemeanours by
doing other stuff
By putting other stuff between us
and what happens.
What I'm saying is that Daisy slept
with me willingly.
She gave herself willingly.
In fact, her eagerness made me
wonder
how many other men she'd slept with.
But then, I thought, "No. " What she
and I have is something special.
She knows it. I know it.
That's why there was such passion
when it did finally happen.
Because it was after so long. After
such a build-up.
But because of Ollie's illness, it's
like we did it too soon.
Like the guilt's too much.
And so she does it with this Milo as
well.
Excuse. I'll get changed.
And maybe not for the first time.
I dunno.
Oh. I dunno.
I mean, to be honest, I was over
Daisy before we came here.
Ah, that's not true. Erm...
That's not true. Two years ago I was
down in London for a job interview.
I called Daisy and I said, "I'll
come round and see you. "
And she said, "No. " She said, "Let's
meet in this cafe. "
Which was quite a way from where they
lived so I thought,
"Oh. OK. Yeah. "
So no-one sees us. Ha-ha! OK.
And when she arrives, she's had her
hair cut which didn't suit her.
But more importantly, told me that
something was going on.
Because we change our appearance for
a reason.
New beginnings.
And in the end...
Are you happy?
Why wouldn't I be?
Well... I know that Ollie's away a
lot.
And Archie's a teenager now so...
You must get lonely.
No, I've got lots of friends.
And I love London.
OK. Well...
I just wanted to say, you know, if...
If things are going badly.
If you need someone to turn to.
If you feel after all this time like
you've made a mistake.
That smile spoke volumes.
It said...
Darling, Ian...
listen...
really...
you are my truest and dearest
companion.
But...
rightly or wrongly, I'm with
Ollie.
So...
you mustn't waste your life
waiting for me.
And I didn't.
The next day, I proposed to Em.
Retrospectively, I can see that's
when I started gambling again.
I've got a good system going. It's
numerical.
The number 9 features.
I can't say more.
Replacing one obsession with another?
Yeah, maybe. I just needed to mend
that broken heart again.
Wanna do something else with me?
Who knows?
Except, if I'm honest, I felt
rejected by Daisy.
Come on.
Yeah. She hurt me that day. She did.
And well, you know, it's true what
they say.
What goes around, comes around.
And pretty soon...
it's payback time.
Where's Daisy? With Milo Fat Yogurt
and his irritating daughters.
They found a dead owl. They're
burying it.
Getting some practice in.
You know what you said earlier
about...
Milo needing a shoulder to cry on?
He seems pretty happy to me.
Yeah. Forget about that.
We all had too much to drink last
night. Me included.
I probably imagined it. Mind you,
there was the...
Oh, no. Forget it.
Forget what?
Ollie.
Stop it.
Listen, look...
Last night I took the dog for a walk
after you went to bed.
And when I got back, Daisy was...
comforting Milo. Comforting him
where? Doing what?
On the sofa doing...
I don't know. I was embarrassed. I
walked away. Why?
Come on. Why were you embarrassed?
Look, all I saw was them...
holding each other.
Like you do.
Sometimes.
But then, when I'd been around the
block and come back,
he'd gone to bed and she was crying
and then I find out
it's cos he told her about his wife.
His marriage. Going to New York.
Yeah. She cries easily.
Yeah. Right.
So while she straightened her
clothes, I fetched her some water.
Why's she...? Hm?
Is she having an affair? No.
She is, isn't she? She was on the sofa.
Do you think she's having an affair?
For God sake. I'm not suggesting that
at all.
Daisy loves you. Not Milo.
I mean, she may fancy him but she'd
never act on it.
Not here. Are you crazy?
Well, there'd be evidence, wouldn't
there?
There'd be, like, stains on the sofa
or...
tissues in the bin.
Quick! Quick! Quick!
Oh, my goodness! That really changed
quick, didn't it?
Oh, shit, my...
Oh, get in, you...!
Argh! Argh!
The fact is, we sometimes lose
control of events
that we set in motion - especially
when not everyone observes the rules.
Oh, I keep thinking of Archie out
in this.
He'll love it. You know, I was at
Glastonbury back in '05.
Glaston... These mud festivals,
they're just... They're fantastic.
At least it's warm. I mean, cold and
wet is horrible but warm and wet.
Dessert wine? No. No. It just goes
straight to my head.
Treat it like an anaesthetic. You
can scrape more bits off your body.
Talking of which, I have you ever
scraped anything off the old todger?
Oh, dear. Ollie's had too much to
drink.
We've already seen his nipples,
haven't we, darling? He's not shy.
That's artists, right?
How much are one of your paintings,
by the way?
I'm not that kind of an artist. I
don't do portraits and landscapes.
Right. So what? You're like Picasso,
are you?
He could draw like an angel. He was
as good as Rembrandt.
He just to paint like a half-wit.
So you're like that?
Ollie. Ollie, you're being a pain.
Sit down.
Don't take any notice. When he has a
drink, he likes to argue.
It's true. The lawyer in me comes
out
and I just can't help digging
around, you know.
Find out who you are and what's it
all about... Al-fieeee!
All right. So long as it doesn't
sound too high falutin'.
Or even if it does.
Erm... well, I create work that
unsettles people.
Well, you definitely unsettle me.
Only joking. What?
I'm only joking. Basically, I just
feel that... that...
people nowadays are just too
comfortable.
And I don't think that art is there
to reinforce that.
So the people I represent are
comfortable, are they?
Hm? A man falsely accused of murder.
Or a man accused of racism and
assaulting a child?
He's comfortable, is he? No.
No, of course not.
Hey. Don't apologise. He's enjoying
this. This is his idea of fun.
All right. Yeah. Well, it's...
It's kind of like what you're doing
right now.
That's what I try to do. I try to...
be unsettling.
And... erm... While still have fun.
OK. Anyone for coffee? It certainly
seems to give you and Daisy a lot.
What is that?
Of fun.
Well, you know, I hardly see her
these days.
When I do, it's Milo this and Milo
that.
All day long. What?
Take no notice of him. You're being
ridiculous.
And boring. I'm gonna go put the
kettle on.
I'll help you clear up. Have you
finished?
Yes, thank you.
I'm gonna take a piss.
Ooh, take it easy. Ollie.
His wife's just left him. He's
vulnerable.
So am I. So am I.
How do you think I'm feeling? Do you
think I'm feeling great?
He's having my wife.
The woman I love.
He's had her.
I've seen it and I've smelt it.
You've seen what? Tissues in the
waste paper bin with dried Spermatozoa.
Do you think I don't know the smell
of dried cum on a fucking tissue?!
Calm down, man.
Calm down.
Calm down, man. Yeah.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry. It's fine.
Don't worry. I'll put it there.
Oh, here he is. That was quick.
Prostate in good working order,
then? More red?
No. No. I'm going to bed. The kids
get up early. Don't be a wimp.
Are you still be tedious? Who? Me?
No. Of course not, darling.
Milo here is talking about going to
bed.
What do you think of that?
How do you respond to that?
What would you say to Milo saying he
wanted to go to bed?
Sex. Excellent. More specifically,
how to sustain a sex life
in a long term relationship.
Because, let's face it, it's pretty
fucking impossible.
Well, isn't that why marriages break
up?
Ollie, for Christ sake!
What? What?
I'm not being personal, sweetie.
Come on. I mean, let's be honest.
We're all friends here.
Who's had sex this weekend? Ian? Em?
No, course not.
Because unless you just met or
you're trying for a kid,
what's the point? I don't suppose
you can remember the last time!
Milo. Hey, Milo.
How about you?
How have you got on, man? Had much
action this weekend?
Had sex with anyone? Hm?
I mean, you know, I'm not accusing
you of... erm...
anything untoward with your
daughters.
No way. Milo, please. Ollie, shut
up!
And shut up now. You're embarrassing
everybody.
Only you, my love. Only you.
Because, you know...
Of course, there are those who try
to, you know,
recapture lost excitement.
Through affairs.
Or swinging or dogging or
what-have-you.
The thing to remember right, the
thing you must remember...
Are you listening to me? Ollie.
Get off me.
The thing to remember about some
couples is
is that even though one of them may have
had their head turned, there's a glue...
There's this glue that just... HOLDS
them together!
Which no man can put asunder.
I really think I should go upstairs.
No. No. No.
Please don't go. He has no idea what
he is saying.
And when I remind him of it in the
morning, he will apologise.
And if he doesn't I will go!
You've made Em cry.
God.
Yeah.
Has anyone got a tissue?
Shall I get a tissue?
Shall I?
I tell you what...
Look, seeing as no-one seems
to appreciate my presence here,
let me be the one to depart.
Good night. Good night.
Good night. Oh, Jesus!
It's all right. I'm fine.
Put that back.
Night-night.
I am so sorry.
He...
gets like this sometimes. It's
nothing personal.
He won't remember any of this.
Erm... I'm gonna go to bed.
Good night.
Hey. Hey. Sorry.
Don't worry about it.
He's really upset you.
Come on. Let's get you to bed.
No, I'm fine. I'm OK. What is it?
Come on. Time to go to bed.
You're in no fit state to have
a conversation. She wants to talk.
Come on, babe. Bed's the best place
for you. Ian, stop.
Leave her alone.
Ollie didn't mean anything. I know
that.
It's just all a bit close to the
surface.
Then she tells her everything about
us not being able to have children.
The works. Including that they are
now doing test on me
because she's been past as fertile.
A big 'thank you' for that, Em!
What you've got to realise is that
everyone in house
was wound up at this stage.
I mean, later, when we were on our
own back in our room,
Em starts accusing me and starts
saying that it was me...
who chose sex
as a topic not Ollie.
And then she says that I egged him
on.
Egged him on!
I was filling up his wine glass...
.. to make trouble.
And then they're so funny when you
give some back.
I mean, I was just trying to lighten
the mood.
I was just saying, "Is this your way
of sweet talking more sperm out of me?"
Oooh, what's that face for?
Oh, what? You don't want me
to father your child. Is that it?
Well, let me tell you...
I don't want kids.
What? I'm with kids all day.
And screwing you has got boring.
Boring! Boring!
BOR-RING!
And before you know it, it all
unravels.
Because that's the way it happens in
life.
Oh.
Thanks for coming.
All set?
Bye!
And what about us? Are we supposed
to not worry about you?
How could I call when you can't get
a signal here?!
If you were so worried...
Do what your mother asks!
Why didn't you walk down the road
till you got a signal
and at least leave me a message?
You think I didn't look?! Sorry.
You're right. We're wrong. Sorry.
It's crap parenting of the first
order. I'm sorry. Archie!
Archie, I'm sorry!
All right. Well, I need to just get
the flying...
Ian, with me.
IAN!
What are you doing? Come on. Get in.
Let's go.
Why? What for?
You and me have unfinished business.
Ian!
If this is about the triathlon,
are you sure you wouldn't like to
settle it over pool? Positive.
So it is about the triathlon?
What else?
OK.
How about a running race along the
beach?
Do you fancy that, do you? Yeah. If
you want it physical.
Yeah, OK.
Let's wake up a bit first.
Sure. Take your time. I'll put some
markers down. No, let's take a dip.
But we haven't brought our trunks.
Who needs them?
And who's around?
No-one.
You can't be serious.
It's dangerous.
I love this place.
You know if I had the time, I'd look
for a house here.
You should make time.
Call around. Ring some estate
agents.
Ollie, you don't have terminal
cancer.
It's because you're my friend that
you don't want to believe the worst.
Let's do it.
Don't go too far. It says no
swimming.
Come on, get in here, you big girl's
blouse!
Remembering who said what exactly is
difficult sometimes.
But let's be crystal clear...
it wasn't my idea to get into the
water.
Oh! It's freezing. I'm freezing.
Yeah.
Hey, look, if you've woken up, let's
go back. Yeah, OK.
We could do it here. What?
Yeah, we could do it here. Start
from one buoy
and swim over to that one over
there. Oh, no.
Swimming's not my forte.
Nor mine. So we'd be equal.
This is winner takes all, yeah?
What did we say? Five grand?
And there's always been something
about that smile.
Yeah. Five.
Ready?
Go!
He had the perfect physique for
swimming whereas I...
I could barely stay afloat, you know.
I don't mind saying that I'd been
suckered and I panicked.
Ollie!
But then, going under again, I
wondered if it wouldn't be best
to let it all go and die.
What with the deaths and the
disciplinary tribunal
and the fallout for me and Daisy
coming because love...
once it gets ahold
it can overpower everything.
So I was maybe taking one last look
at the world when...
Are you OK, Ian?
Ian, are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Losing my friend.
Yeah.
I blame myself. Sometimes.
But you have to move on.
The way I see it, Ollie was
delusional.
He had a breakdown. He was ill.
He had a brain tumour. Benign or
otherwise.
That gave him a death wise so strong
that he wouldn't let me save him.
And he nearly took me with him.
He nearly took me with him.
Em and I split up.
Well, once I felt enough time had
elapsed for Daisy,
I told Em everything. Well, the
essentials.
She wasn't happy. Obviously.
And said some things I'm sure she
regrets.
But I didn't want what comes next to
be messy.
Because this retracing of my steps
was always gonna end
well, here...
Can I help? Who are you?
Who am I? Yeah. Who are
you?
Yeah. Yeah. John McCloud and you
are? John. John. John.
It's OK. Thanks.
Sorry. I have friends staying.
Oh.
And what's been decorated? Er...
Where are the decorators?
You said I couldn't come down because
the place was being done up.
Ian, I can't speak to you if you're
gonna be like this. Now, listen...
I've spoken to Em. OK? It was a
long conversation.
Difficult at first but... Good.
Good that she knows.
Listen. You've made a big mistake.
Em's been fantastic for you.
You'll be lost without her. You
can't manage on your own.
I don't... I don't intend to be on my
own.
I wanna be with you.
Yeah. Right.
Right, yeah. Em mentioned that.
OK. No, stop. I don't want to hear
it.
Erm... OK, look... er...
Look, for the moment...
for the moment, I have told Em that
it was all drink.
That I was totally drunk. Daisy.
I was there. Yeah?
You wanted it. You weren't that
drunk.
Oh, Daisy, come on. I kept saying no.
But you wouldn't listen to me. And I
was so shocked...
at the time that I didn't want to
think that of you.
But I've since spoken to a
counsellor.
And once I had to say it out loud I
realised what you did.
You feel guilty because of Ollie's
death. No, I don't.
I feel...
dirty. I feel unclean. I feel
tarnished.
No, you raped me, Ian.
No. Yes. Yes. And what if I told Em
that?
What if I went to the police about
that?
It was because I wanted you so badly.
It was because I love you. You do
not love me. I do! You do not.
Yes, I do. Well, I don't love you and
I never have.
I know what love feels like and it
is the opposite
of what I feel for you. It is the
opposite.
How much clearer can I be? I want
you to go.
I don't want you to be here. Please
leave now. Go!
Well, hang on a minute. Is it because
you want kids? Is that it?
I'm just saying that my sperm has a
motility issue OK?
I'm not actually firing blanks.
Whatever Em said.
Oh, I get it.
You want someone tried and tested?
Is that it?
They his kids, are they? This John?
This fucking John clown! Ian, Ollie
is dead.
All the more reason. For what?
For you to be screwing!
Oh, you disgust me. You disgust me!
OK. OK. It's OK.
I never want to see you or speak to
you or hear from you ever again!
Ever again, Ian.
Time to leave. You leave and you
leave now.
Or I call the police.
Come on, then.
How do you want to play it?
52! Oh! OK. OK. Yeah, this is
interesting.
Yeah. Yeah. Cos do you remember that
I told you about the system I have?
With the slot machines which is all
to do with the number 9?
Number 9. The magic number.
I've just realised tonight that the
date today is the 27th November.
Which is exactly three months since
that last weekend.
Three 27s which is a multiple of 9.
But 2 plus 7 equals 9
And three 9s placed in a row, because
it's been three months, is 999.
You see? And that's the number
I dialled to try and save Ollie.
And if that's not a sign, then I'll
eat my hat.
Cos signs spawn plans.
Signs give you gifts. Gifts that
give you insight.
Oh, God! I've gotta get myself
looking good.
I've gotta get myself looking good
because... well...
I've already written a couple of
letters to Daisy
asking for the money I'm owed by
Ollie's estate for the triathlon.
The challenge.
Did I send it? I did. I said it was
for 10 grand.
Well, she can afford it and I think
he would have wanted it that way.
You know, I think I'm gonna write
again because...
well, by that time it'll have all
calmed down.
I've been thinking see? It must have
been very difficult for her.
Me showing up at the house with all
of Ollie's work colleagues there.
How could she throw herself into my
arms? She couldn't.
She couldn't. It was too soon.
Grieving takes time. Grieving takes
time.
And I've gotta give her that time.
It could be 27 days. Or it could be
27 weeks.
It could be three 27s. Oh!
It's OK. There'll be a sign.
Ollie and Daisy - they're my oldest
friends.
I've got an inoperable brain tumour.
I'm going to die.
Ollie and I have a three events
triathlon... for money.
This is a triathlon.
We're meant to be testing ourselves
against each other physically!
I could murder someone tomorrow.
You'd better watch out.
Men don't like women finding other
men attractive.
They don't.
Spare a thought for Ollie. He definitely
didn't like this guy being around.
Where's your wife, Milo?
I could always think of Daisy who
remained my constant love.
No. No. No. No. No! Argh!
Agh! Yes!
No!
Come on, Milo!
Ian!
Ian.
Ian. Ian.
You were dreaming.
I was?
Oh. What time is it?
Gone midday.
You were late to bed last night.
Ye-ah.
Daisy and Milo...
We were talking and er...
Yeah, I've just spoken to Daisy.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah. And... erm...
She knows about Ollie's tumour.
Then why did he tell me not to say
anything?
Yeah. She said she didn't know why
he said that.
But, according to his consultant,
it's low grade
slow growing and probably operable.
Even benign.
Do you mean he's not dying?
Well...
Daisy said they were upbeat about
his prospects.
Why is she marrying him, then?
What's that got to do with anything?
The lying git.
Do y'think Archie wants coffee?
No, he's gone back to the festival.
Are you OK? Yeah. Yeah.
Tenno Heika Banzai!
Aarrghhhh!
Oh, my God. That was fantastic. You
should have seen your face.
I've been standing here
for 15 minutes waiting for that.
Worth every second. Gotcha! What's
going on? I'm scaring Uncle Ian.
Well, Em says to get ready cos we're
all going to swim at the beach.
And we're coming with YOU.
Down at the bottom of the deep blue
sea, how many fishes can we see?
- Are they dead or are they alive?
- Alive.
Down at the bottom of the deep blue
sea, how many whelks can we see?
Are they dead or are they alive?
Get the stuff out the boot.
- Have you got the keys?
- The girls are tired.
Thanks.
No, they wanna stay.
Let's see what we got in here.
Make him stay one more night,
please. Ask him. Make him. Well...
Not like that! Stay one more night.
You are staying one more night.
Oh, good. That's a promise. You just
promised.
First one to the beach is the best
person in the whole world!
Come on! Come on!
Oh, what? That wasn't there when I
was a kid.
Oh, hurry up. Look.
Oh! Well, never mind, it doesn't say
no paddling.
Come on. Paddling? That's true.
Ian! Not so far. It said no
swimming.
Good boy, Rufus. Come here.
I just want to say, I was encouraged
by Daisy going off on her own.
I mean, she was clearly engineering
a situation where we could talk.
Not just about last night but about
the future.
Because, I mean, it was great that
Ollie was going to be OK for now...
but these things always get you in
the end.
Which is why she's marrying him.
It's a financial thing. It always
was.
By the way, she must have heard me
coming but...
Oh. It's you.
What have you got?
Nothing much.
I'm not sure what that is.
That's amber. Hmm.
You learn something new every day.
What did you learn last night?
When Milo went to bed.
I don't want to talk about it. I was
drunk. You were wonderful.
You were rough. It's because I
wanted you so badly.
No. No. No. No. No. It's true.
Don't say that.
I can't help it. It's what I've
always wanted. It makes it worse!
I'm being serious. Ian, we'd been
drinking. A lot.
It just wasn't real. We're both with
others. End of story. Listen.
It was more real than anything I've
ever... Don't!
Look, last night was the most
important night of my life.
Can we stop going on about last
night? It meant nothing.
Less than nothing. So just get that
through your thick skull.
Hey, look. Look. The stone with no
heart.
Look. I'll find you both one. Let's
go show Daddy.
I was thick. And our lovemaking had
no meaning.
I was a nothing man...
who'd had nothing sex...
with a woman who'd felt nothing for
him.
I'd been used. And chucked away.
Ian.
You all right? Yeah.
Apparently, there's a storm coming
so Milo and Daisy are going on ahead
to get the cushions inside.
You know, just in case. What
on their own? Just the two of them?
Yeah. I'm coming with you.
You're giving me the Ford Fiesta
Experience.
You know, if all the stuck gets
soaked,
we won't be able to get it dry
before we leave tomorrow.
Who said it's gonna rain? Milo.
Mr Ecology's a weather man too?
Here we are.
Milo's not back yet.
I mean, where the hell are they?
Maybe they got lost because you were
with them on the way.
Well, yeah, but he was driving.
Yeah, but it's always different on
the way back, isn't it?
How long have they known each other?
A couple of years.
Oh.
What?
I assumed it would be longer, that's
all.
They're very comfortable with each
other.
Yeah, well, it's the nature of their
jobs, isn't it?
They're good with people.
I wasn't implying anything.
I never said you were.
I just got the impression that you
were. No. Fine.
The thing is, Daisy...
has to be fond of her clients
in order to represent them properly.
It's just the way she works.
- And she obviously is.
- Stay another night.
She even gets you to ask him. So?
No, it's good.
It's good. She just cares about Milo
because of the situation he's in.
Sorry? The situation that Milo's in.
Saying the same thing twice doesn't
make it any clearer.
Milo's moving back to New York.
His marriage has broken up.
Sorry. I assumed Daisy would have
told you.
Yeah. Er...
I think she mentioned it.
Yeah. So he's single again.
You can tell, can't you? He's got
the look of someone who's... What?
On the prowl?
Lonely.
Oh, don't worry. He's just latching
on to Daisy for now.
A shoulder to cry on. And like you
say, she's fond of him so...
Oh, there you go.
Great.
Mucky hands. Mucky hands.
Mucky what else?
We had a puncture and got lost cos
you weren't with us.
No. No. No. Don't touch me. You'll
get filthy. I want a wash.
You kids have fun at the beach?
You think I'm a bad person, don't
you?
I know you do. I do too... sometimes.
But the thing is, Daisy's the love
of my life. You know?
She's the one who makes my heart
ache when I think of her
with someone else and she was too
physical with this Milo. She was.
And I mean, did they have a
puncture? I don't know.
What I do know is that we all get
over guilt...
or hurt or past misdemeanours by
doing other stuff
By putting other stuff between us
and what happens.
What I'm saying is that Daisy slept
with me willingly.
She gave herself willingly.
In fact, her eagerness made me
wonder
how many other men she'd slept with.
But then, I thought, "No. " What she
and I have is something special.
She knows it. I know it.
That's why there was such passion
when it did finally happen.
Because it was after so long. After
such a build-up.
But because of Ollie's illness, it's
like we did it too soon.
Like the guilt's too much.
And so she does it with this Milo as
well.
Excuse. I'll get changed.
And maybe not for the first time.
I dunno.
Oh. I dunno.
I mean, to be honest, I was over
Daisy before we came here.
Ah, that's not true. Erm...
That's not true. Two years ago I was
down in London for a job interview.
I called Daisy and I said, "I'll
come round and see you. "
And she said, "No. " She said, "Let's
meet in this cafe. "
Which was quite a way from where they
lived so I thought,
"Oh. OK. Yeah. "
So no-one sees us. Ha-ha! OK.
And when she arrives, she's had her
hair cut which didn't suit her.
But more importantly, told me that
something was going on.
Because we change our appearance for
a reason.
New beginnings.
And in the end...
Are you happy?
Why wouldn't I be?
Well... I know that Ollie's away a
lot.
And Archie's a teenager now so...
You must get lonely.
No, I've got lots of friends.
And I love London.
OK. Well...
I just wanted to say, you know, if...
If things are going badly.
If you need someone to turn to.
If you feel after all this time like
you've made a mistake.
That smile spoke volumes.
It said...
Darling, Ian...
listen...
really...
you are my truest and dearest
companion.
But...
rightly or wrongly, I'm with
Ollie.
So...
you mustn't waste your life
waiting for me.
And I didn't.
The next day, I proposed to Em.
Retrospectively, I can see that's
when I started gambling again.
I've got a good system going. It's
numerical.
The number 9 features.
I can't say more.
Replacing one obsession with another?
Yeah, maybe. I just needed to mend
that broken heart again.
Wanna do something else with me?
Who knows?
Except, if I'm honest, I felt
rejected by Daisy.
Come on.
Yeah. She hurt me that day. She did.
And well, you know, it's true what
they say.
What goes around, comes around.
And pretty soon...
it's payback time.
Where's Daisy? With Milo Fat Yogurt
and his irritating daughters.
They found a dead owl. They're
burying it.
Getting some practice in.
You know what you said earlier
about...
Milo needing a shoulder to cry on?
He seems pretty happy to me.
Yeah. Forget about that.
We all had too much to drink last
night. Me included.
I probably imagined it. Mind you,
there was the...
Oh, no. Forget it.
Forget what?
Ollie.
Stop it.
Listen, look...
Last night I took the dog for a walk
after you went to bed.
And when I got back, Daisy was...
comforting Milo. Comforting him
where? Doing what?
On the sofa doing...
I don't know. I was embarrassed. I
walked away. Why?
Come on. Why were you embarrassed?
Look, all I saw was them...
holding each other.
Like you do.
Sometimes.
But then, when I'd been around the
block and come back,
he'd gone to bed and she was crying
and then I find out
it's cos he told her about his wife.
His marriage. Going to New York.
Yeah. She cries easily.
Yeah. Right.
So while she straightened her
clothes, I fetched her some water.
Why's she...? Hm?
Is she having an affair? No.
She is, isn't she? She was on the sofa.
Do you think she's having an affair?
For God sake. I'm not suggesting that
at all.
Daisy loves you. Not Milo.
I mean, she may fancy him but she'd
never act on it.
Not here. Are you crazy?
Well, there'd be evidence, wouldn't
there?
There'd be, like, stains on the sofa
or...
tissues in the bin.
Quick! Quick! Quick!
Oh, my goodness! That really changed
quick, didn't it?
Oh, shit, my...
Oh, get in, you...!
Argh! Argh!
The fact is, we sometimes lose
control of events
that we set in motion - especially
when not everyone observes the rules.
Oh, I keep thinking of Archie out
in this.
He'll love it. You know, I was at
Glastonbury back in '05.
Glaston... These mud festivals,
they're just... They're fantastic.
At least it's warm. I mean, cold and
wet is horrible but warm and wet.
Dessert wine? No. No. It just goes
straight to my head.
Treat it like an anaesthetic. You
can scrape more bits off your body.
Talking of which, I have you ever
scraped anything off the old todger?
Oh, dear. Ollie's had too much to
drink.
We've already seen his nipples,
haven't we, darling? He's not shy.
That's artists, right?
How much are one of your paintings,
by the way?
I'm not that kind of an artist. I
don't do portraits and landscapes.
Right. So what? You're like Picasso,
are you?
He could draw like an angel. He was
as good as Rembrandt.
He just to paint like a half-wit.
So you're like that?
Ollie. Ollie, you're being a pain.
Sit down.
Don't take any notice. When he has a
drink, he likes to argue.
It's true. The lawyer in me comes
out
and I just can't help digging
around, you know.
Find out who you are and what's it
all about... Al-fieeee!
All right. So long as it doesn't
sound too high falutin'.
Or even if it does.
Erm... well, I create work that
unsettles people.
Well, you definitely unsettle me.
Only joking. What?
I'm only joking. Basically, I just
feel that... that...
people nowadays are just too
comfortable.
And I don't think that art is there
to reinforce that.
So the people I represent are
comfortable, are they?
Hm? A man falsely accused of murder.
Or a man accused of racism and
assaulting a child?
He's comfortable, is he? No.
No, of course not.
Hey. Don't apologise. He's enjoying
this. This is his idea of fun.
All right. Yeah. Well, it's...
It's kind of like what you're doing
right now.
That's what I try to do. I try to...
be unsettling.
And... erm... While still have fun.
OK. Anyone for coffee? It certainly
seems to give you and Daisy a lot.
What is that?
Of fun.
Well, you know, I hardly see her
these days.
When I do, it's Milo this and Milo
that.
All day long. What?
Take no notice of him. You're being
ridiculous.
And boring. I'm gonna go put the
kettle on.
I'll help you clear up. Have you
finished?
Yes, thank you.
I'm gonna take a piss.
Ooh, take it easy. Ollie.
His wife's just left him. He's
vulnerable.
So am I. So am I.
How do you think I'm feeling? Do you
think I'm feeling great?
He's having my wife.
The woman I love.
He's had her.
I've seen it and I've smelt it.
You've seen what? Tissues in the
waste paper bin with dried Spermatozoa.
Do you think I don't know the smell
of dried cum on a fucking tissue?!
Calm down, man.
Calm down.
Calm down, man. Yeah.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry. It's fine.
Don't worry. I'll put it there.
Oh, here he is. That was quick.
Prostate in good working order,
then? More red?
No. No. I'm going to bed. The kids
get up early. Don't be a wimp.
Are you still be tedious? Who? Me?
No. Of course not, darling.
Milo here is talking about going to
bed.
What do you think of that?
How do you respond to that?
What would you say to Milo saying he
wanted to go to bed?
Sex. Excellent. More specifically,
how to sustain a sex life
in a long term relationship.
Because, let's face it, it's pretty
fucking impossible.
Well, isn't that why marriages break
up?
Ollie, for Christ sake!
What? What?
I'm not being personal, sweetie.
Come on. I mean, let's be honest.
We're all friends here.
Who's had sex this weekend? Ian? Em?
No, course not.
Because unless you just met or
you're trying for a kid,
what's the point? I don't suppose
you can remember the last time!
Milo. Hey, Milo.
How about you?
How have you got on, man? Had much
action this weekend?
Had sex with anyone? Hm?
I mean, you know, I'm not accusing
you of... erm...
anything untoward with your
daughters.
No way. Milo, please. Ollie, shut
up!
And shut up now. You're embarrassing
everybody.
Only you, my love. Only you.
Because, you know...
Of course, there are those who try
to, you know,
recapture lost excitement.
Through affairs.
Or swinging or dogging or
what-have-you.
The thing to remember right, the
thing you must remember...
Are you listening to me? Ollie.
Get off me.
The thing to remember about some
couples is
is that even though one of them may have
had their head turned, there's a glue...
There's this glue that just... HOLDS
them together!
Which no man can put asunder.
I really think I should go upstairs.
No. No. No.
Please don't go. He has no idea what
he is saying.
And when I remind him of it in the
morning, he will apologise.
And if he doesn't I will go!
You've made Em cry.
God.
Yeah.
Has anyone got a tissue?
Shall I get a tissue?
Shall I?
I tell you what...
Look, seeing as no-one seems
to appreciate my presence here,
let me be the one to depart.
Good night. Good night.
Good night. Oh, Jesus!
It's all right. I'm fine.
Put that back.
Night-night.
I am so sorry.
He...
gets like this sometimes. It's
nothing personal.
He won't remember any of this.
Erm... I'm gonna go to bed.
Good night.
Hey. Hey. Sorry.
Don't worry about it.
He's really upset you.
Come on. Let's get you to bed.
No, I'm fine. I'm OK. What is it?
Come on. Time to go to bed.
You're in no fit state to have
a conversation. She wants to talk.
Come on, babe. Bed's the best place
for you. Ian, stop.
Leave her alone.
Ollie didn't mean anything. I know
that.
It's just all a bit close to the
surface.
Then she tells her everything about
us not being able to have children.
The works. Including that they are
now doing test on me
because she's been past as fertile.
A big 'thank you' for that, Em!
What you've got to realise is that
everyone in house
was wound up at this stage.
I mean, later, when we were on our
own back in our room,
Em starts accusing me and starts
saying that it was me...
who chose sex
as a topic not Ollie.
And then she says that I egged him
on.
Egged him on!
I was filling up his wine glass...
.. to make trouble.
And then they're so funny when you
give some back.
I mean, I was just trying to lighten
the mood.
I was just saying, "Is this your way
of sweet talking more sperm out of me?"
Oooh, what's that face for?
Oh, what? You don't want me
to father your child. Is that it?
Well, let me tell you...
I don't want kids.
What? I'm with kids all day.
And screwing you has got boring.
Boring! Boring!
BOR-RING!
And before you know it, it all
unravels.
Because that's the way it happens in
life.
Oh.
Thanks for coming.
All set?
Bye!
And what about us? Are we supposed
to not worry about you?
How could I call when you can't get
a signal here?!
If you were so worried...
Do what your mother asks!
Why didn't you walk down the road
till you got a signal
and at least leave me a message?
You think I didn't look?! Sorry.
You're right. We're wrong. Sorry.
It's crap parenting of the first
order. I'm sorry. Archie!
Archie, I'm sorry!
All right. Well, I need to just get
the flying...
Ian, with me.
IAN!
What are you doing? Come on. Get in.
Let's go.
Why? What for?
You and me have unfinished business.
Ian!
If this is about the triathlon,
are you sure you wouldn't like to
settle it over pool? Positive.
So it is about the triathlon?
What else?
OK.
How about a running race along the
beach?
Do you fancy that, do you? Yeah. If
you want it physical.
Yeah, OK.
Let's wake up a bit first.
Sure. Take your time. I'll put some
markers down. No, let's take a dip.
But we haven't brought our trunks.
Who needs them?
And who's around?
No-one.
You can't be serious.
It's dangerous.
I love this place.
You know if I had the time, I'd look
for a house here.
You should make time.
Call around. Ring some estate
agents.
Ollie, you don't have terminal
cancer.
It's because you're my friend that
you don't want to believe the worst.
Let's do it.
Don't go too far. It says no
swimming.
Come on, get in here, you big girl's
blouse!
Remembering who said what exactly is
difficult sometimes.
But let's be crystal clear...
it wasn't my idea to get into the
water.
Oh! It's freezing. I'm freezing.
Yeah.
Hey, look, if you've woken up, let's
go back. Yeah, OK.
We could do it here. What?
Yeah, we could do it here. Start
from one buoy
and swim over to that one over
there. Oh, no.
Swimming's not my forte.
Nor mine. So we'd be equal.
This is winner takes all, yeah?
What did we say? Five grand?
And there's always been something
about that smile.
Yeah. Five.
Ready?
Go!
He had the perfect physique for
swimming whereas I...
I could barely stay afloat, you know.
I don't mind saying that I'd been
suckered and I panicked.
Ollie!
But then, going under again, I
wondered if it wouldn't be best
to let it all go and die.
What with the deaths and the
disciplinary tribunal
and the fallout for me and Daisy
coming because love...
once it gets ahold
it can overpower everything.
So I was maybe taking one last look
at the world when...
Are you OK, Ian?
Ian, are you OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Losing my friend.
Yeah.
I blame myself. Sometimes.
But you have to move on.
The way I see it, Ollie was
delusional.
He had a breakdown. He was ill.
He had a brain tumour. Benign or
otherwise.
That gave him a death wise so strong
that he wouldn't let me save him.
And he nearly took me with him.
He nearly took me with him.
Em and I split up.
Well, once I felt enough time had
elapsed for Daisy,
I told Em everything. Well, the
essentials.
She wasn't happy. Obviously.
And said some things I'm sure she
regrets.
But I didn't want what comes next to
be messy.
Because this retracing of my steps
was always gonna end
well, here...
Can I help? Who are you?
Who am I? Yeah. Who are
you?
Yeah. Yeah. John McCloud and you
are? John. John. John.
It's OK. Thanks.
Sorry. I have friends staying.
Oh.
And what's been decorated? Er...
Where are the decorators?
You said I couldn't come down because
the place was being done up.
Ian, I can't speak to you if you're
gonna be like this. Now, listen...
I've spoken to Em. OK? It was a
long conversation.
Difficult at first but... Good.
Good that she knows.
Listen. You've made a big mistake.
Em's been fantastic for you.
You'll be lost without her. You
can't manage on your own.
I don't... I don't intend to be on my
own.
I wanna be with you.
Yeah. Right.
Right, yeah. Em mentioned that.
OK. No, stop. I don't want to hear
it.
Erm... OK, look... er...
Look, for the moment...
for the moment, I have told Em that
it was all drink.
That I was totally drunk. Daisy.
I was there. Yeah?
You wanted it. You weren't that
drunk.
Oh, Daisy, come on. I kept saying no.
But you wouldn't listen to me. And I
was so shocked...
at the time that I didn't want to
think that of you.
But I've since spoken to a
counsellor.
And once I had to say it out loud I
realised what you did.
You feel guilty because of Ollie's
death. No, I don't.
I feel...
dirty. I feel unclean. I feel
tarnished.
No, you raped me, Ian.
No. Yes. Yes. And what if I told Em
that?
What if I went to the police about
that?
It was because I wanted you so badly.
It was because I love you. You do
not love me. I do! You do not.
Yes, I do. Well, I don't love you and
I never have.
I know what love feels like and it
is the opposite
of what I feel for you. It is the
opposite.
How much clearer can I be? I want
you to go.
I don't want you to be here. Please
leave now. Go!
Well, hang on a minute. Is it because
you want kids? Is that it?
I'm just saying that my sperm has a
motility issue OK?
I'm not actually firing blanks.
Whatever Em said.
Oh, I get it.
You want someone tried and tested?
Is that it?
They his kids, are they? This John?
This fucking John clown! Ian, Ollie
is dead.
All the more reason. For what?
For you to be screwing!
Oh, you disgust me. You disgust me!
OK. OK. It's OK.
I never want to see you or speak to
you or hear from you ever again!
Ever again, Ian.
Time to leave. You leave and you
leave now.
Or I call the police.
Come on, then.
How do you want to play it?
52! Oh! OK. OK. Yeah, this is
interesting.
Yeah. Yeah. Cos do you remember that
I told you about the system I have?
With the slot machines which is all
to do with the number 9?
Number 9. The magic number.
I've just realised tonight that the
date today is the 27th November.
Which is exactly three months since
that last weekend.
Three 27s which is a multiple of 9.
But 2 plus 7 equals 9
And three 9s placed in a row, because
it's been three months, is 999.
You see? And that's the number
I dialled to try and save Ollie.
And if that's not a sign, then I'll
eat my hat.
Cos signs spawn plans.
Signs give you gifts. Gifts that
give you insight.
Oh, God! I've gotta get myself
looking good.
I've gotta get myself looking good
because... well...
I've already written a couple of
letters to Daisy
asking for the money I'm owed by
Ollie's estate for the triathlon.
The challenge.
Did I send it? I did. I said it was
for 10 grand.
Well, she can afford it and I think
he would have wanted it that way.
You know, I think I'm gonna write
again because...
well, by that time it'll have all
calmed down.
I've been thinking see? It must have
been very difficult for her.
Me showing up at the house with all
of Ollie's work colleagues there.
How could she throw herself into my
arms? She couldn't.
She couldn't. It was too soon.
Grieving takes time. Grieving takes
time.
And I've gotta give her that time.
It could be 27 days. Or it could be
27 weeks.
It could be three 27s. Oh!
It's OK. There'll be a sign.