The L Word (2004–2009): Season 6, Episode 2 - Least Likely - full transcript

Previously on
"The L Word"

I don't wanna break up with you.

You think
we should go to therapy?

Therapy's for people
with problems.

Tell me you never want
to see me again.

I never wanna see you again.

MUSIC

What I want to do now,
Kit, is just to be

a really good
business partner to you

- and this whole night club thing.
- The Hit Club!

- Hit! It's a hit!
- That's a great name for a club.



I'm gonna call William.

Did you hear
what happened with the movie?

- No.
- They'll reshoot the ending.

- To what?
- Jesse goes back to Jim and

decides she isn't
maybe lesbian after all.

I didn't call you
at 2:15 in the morning

to accuse you
of being a sellout.

Oh my God!

You need to fight for Jenny.

You're my best friend
I've ever had

and I'm profoundly ashamed
of what I've done.

It's Jenny. She said:

"If you still wanna
come over and see me, you can".

You're nothing but a self absorbed,
self-indulgent little brat.



And our little feeling on set
was a showmance.

It's time for you to go.

Baby, don't be sad.

It's so boring.

Get off of me!

Who the hell
does she think she is?!

She called me,
she wanted me!

And then she goes all
Paris and Britney on me just like:

"Oh, I never liked you
and it was a showmance!"

MUSIC

Can you believe that?

She fucks me all night long
and then she has the nerve

to say that's a showmance!

I mean, I don't even know
what the fuck that is!

- I'm googling.
- Oh, it's, uh...

Oh, it's, uh...

"Phony romance that happens
during a movie or a TV show"

"usually between two stars,
but it can"

- "also be between a star and"...
- You know what?

I got it, alright?

Do you know how many times
has she said that she loved me?

She's officially a liar
and I officially hate her!

You know what?
Fuck her, alright?!

I got over 16 million
on my opening week end and

she can't even get in at
the premiere of my next movie.

She payed someone.

God! Makes wonder
who broke her heart.

I can't believe she told you
it wasn't you. That was so harsh!

You must feel horrible.

You know what?

You are out of my 5!

- Nikki, you're my best friend!
- No, get out!

Right now! Get out!

Everyone, get out!

Everyone! You know?
You and you, and you, get out!

Get out!

Now! Move!

Jenny Schecter
is a liar and a user.

And trust me, you are not
gonna get away with this.

You are dead meat, Schecter.

Dead.

And this is where we're gonna
put the new DJ booth.

So, if you need anything,
just let us know.

{\a6}We'll get you
all the right equipment.

{\a6}Oh, I'll send you a list.

{\a6}I love these colors.

We love them too.

{\a6}We got morroconess
out of "Casablanca" theme.

{\a6}- It's our favorite film.
- Oh, say no more.

I love...

So, what do we have to do

to get
the fabulous Sunset Boulevard

to come and spin at Hit?

{\a6}Just keeping
the fabulous Kit Porter.

{\a6}You know you're
my ultimate R&B goddess?

{\a6}Oh, I don't know
about the ultimate.

Ooh, somebody's been working out!

{\a6}Not that we're the type...
you know, we're, uh...

{\a6}We've both swore off men.

{\a6}- Ages of it.
- Good for you.

{\a6}You two got a good thing
going here.

{\a6}You don't need some man
in here messin' it up.

{\a6}Okay, let me show you

{\a6}all of
the textures and plans.

- "I Like It" by The Emotions -

Oh, I'm vanilla and fruit.

Breakfeast burrito.

Thanks.

Excuse me.

- I didn't order that.
- Oh, they're from her.

Jenny, Shane wants you to know

that she made them
especially for you.

Excuse me, Alice?

Do you mind just
mentionning to Shane

that I don't want her waffles?

She doesn't want your waffles.

How much do you love
the New Valley service?

{\a6}Oh, my God, Helena's taking
this place to a whole new level.

Oh, and waffles! Look!
I know that I love waffles.

I'm getting waffles.

{\a6}Or not.

{\a6}Haven't you heard that there are
people starving in this world?

{\a6}I'm sure
they don't want waffles, Kit.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

Shit! Okay, that's one to one.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

- Fuck! I always loose.
- 'Cause you're always rock.

- Always.
- Is that what it is?

Have fun with the martyrs.

Have fun with the cheaters.

Wow, everyone's so industrial.

What are you doing?

- Learning.
- I'm writing my new treatment.

What are you writing, Alice?

A treatment.

A treatment for a film?

I just... I had this kinda
killer idea so I thought

I'll just write
a great screenplay and then

sell it for millions
and buy a house in Malibu?

I don't like Malibu.

- You've never been to Malibu.
- I have been there.

I didn't know you wanted
to be a screenwriter.

Well, I mean, you know,
I never really did.

Really, but I thought how hard

can it be? Right? Jenny?
I mean, it's like,

you get paid big time.

Well, if you, if you actually,
Alice, if you would to amortize

the payment of the 17 drafts
that I did on "Lez Girls",

you'll see that you actually
don't get paid very much. So...

Alice is writing a treatment
for a script.

Hope we're not in it.

Amen to that.

Actually,

writing a good screenplay
is what's really hard.

And Jenny's become
a very good screenwriter.

Thank you, Tina.

You should ask her
to read your treatment.

Sure.

Sure, sure, sure.

I would love to give you notes.

What?
I need the carbs for training.

But do you need them that fast?
You have them all over your suit.

Wow, you look amazing.

- Thank you.
- I dressed her.

- Do a little spinzy, come on.
- No.

It's her first day
at the police academy, so...

Excited?

Yeah, I am, actually.

All my friends had the training,
it's really, it's really rough.

I tried to dress her
in my morning, but

she just thought
she looked like a girl.

- It was inappropriate.
- You looked so good in that.

You know it. You just hate
to look good or something.

What the fuck is that
supposed to mean?

There is like a lack of effort.

Tell me about fashion.

Fashion for...
I don't know.

When you guys are gonna
go to therapy?

There is a thing
called privacy, Alice.

Privacy.

Well, I see you
at Dan Foxworthy's at 6.

There's parking on the...

Wow, look at you!
You look a million dollars!

Fuck, you know?

Bad vibes.

You and Shane should
work your shit out,

'cause this place is becoming
like the black hole of Calcutta.

It's good to see we're still asunder;
nothing like a little

dyke drama
to tear the place out.

That's what I'm saying.

- Bad vibes, man.
- Helena,

why don't you come
and sit with us?

No, I'm

not picking sides, alright?

I love you both.

Going for a run.

Go Swizerland!

- We have some good news.
- Yeah, we have good news.

Yeah, good news.
Do you wanna tell them?

Why don't you tell them?

Bette and I are registered
with three different agencies

and they said the chance of us
getting a baby

within the next six months
is really good.

What?!

- Congratulations.
- And we're starting construction

on the second storey
'cause we need an other bedroom.

But I thought you guys
were talking about selling?

- We're staying.
- We couldn't sell. Not now.

I mean, with the poperty values,
plumbing and everything. So...

When were you gonna tell me
about construction?

We're telling you now.

We have to.
We need a room for the baby.

How am I supposed to write
with all that noise?

I'm sorry, Jenny.
We will do our best not to

disturb you.

But you might wanna get
some earplugs.

I have to get a new roomate.

This is gonna be impossible

- with your racket.
- Jenny, please!

You don't need a new roomate!

You have not spoken to me
in a week.

Would you just talk to me?
I know we can work this out.

Oh, right. So,
you want me to forgive you

because you made me waffles?

Well, why wouldn't you?

Because you create
this trail of destruction

you don't take
any responsibility for it.

Why should you be the only one
that doesn't pay?

I am paying.

You are so full of shit.

The black hole.

- How you're doing?
- Hi, Shane.

So you're putting in those
flower boxes Jenny wanted, huh?

How many more things
you're gonna do for her?

I don't know yet.

There's something wrong
with my computer

and I wondered
if you could fix it.

You know what? I can't 'cause
I'm going to my final consult today.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

- Alright. Are you ready for this?
- Do it.

I love it.

Love it.

Love it!

We thought you would.

"The Girls", it's so fucking hot.

This thing is gonna make
"Sex in the city" like a Disney movie.

What's "The Girls"?
The movie is called "Lez Girls".

- "Lez".
- I haven't had a chance to

talk to Tina about
the market research.

I'll full you in in a minute.

In the meantime,

why don't you just

give me a briefing
on the release.

After the initial two weeks,
we'll go wide.

We have 2000 screens nation wide
and select cities in here.

- France is gonna eat this up.
- No.

No what?

No way. I am

not gonna let you get away
with this. I'm not gonna

let you market this as some

bullshit boy meets girl
love story!

- That's not what this is!
- It's more than that. It's

boy meets girl,
boy almost looses girl to girl...

But in the end the audience
wants love to prevail.

That's the winner hear. The new ending
tested through the roof.

What?

The new...

What you mean
the new ending tested?

When did you have
a test screening?

Get on board, Tina.

Train's not going to Lezzie town.

This is amazing.

Art General uses the correlation
about how she uses

human emotions like
pieces of scrapped metal,

words like found materials.

It works on so many levels.
I mean, here is the Curator

who told people
their work wasn't worthy.

The gallerist
who wouldn't show an artist

and now the Dean
who rejects applications.

Exactly.

A woman who has

stood in judgment of our art
her entire career

is now being thrust into
the spot light as the art...

It's brilliant.

This kind of praise
is fantastic for our program.

I can guarantee
that we're gonna see...

We could use
the same material throughout

and...

I can't talk right now.
Alright, bye.

Forgive me. I had
the contractors on the phone.

Do you know we're doing
that second storey

on the house for the baby...

Phyllis, would you mind just
finishing what you were saying?

What I was saying was
that based on

C.U. associations with Jodi,
I wouldn't be surprised

if we see a significant increase
in applicants this coming semester.

So one of my goals is to be able
to take my shirt off at the beach

within a year. That's my goal.

Feel my pecs. I've been doing
like 200 pushings today.

Feel like I'm already bigger.
That's awesome.

Very good.
That's very impressive.

Yeah, I think I'm doing good
with the contour.

I just, I hope I grew more chest
to cover the scars.

Well, I think Dr. Stanhouse
is gonna try

to do the key whole procedure
on you?

Yeah, I'm hoping so.

And is your schedule for surgery
on wednesday?

Yeah, he called me this morning
and he said that

as soon as he gets the lab reports
we're gonna be able to...

I'm afraid there's a problem.

What's the problem?

You're pregnant.

No, I can't,
I can't be pregnant.

- No, I've been taking testosterone.
- Have you had intercourse?

Have you and Tom had
unprotected sex?

Yeah, but we've been both
tested for H.I.V.

We've been monogamous.

If you and Tom have had
vaginal sex.

I know you might not
call it that,

but unfortunately,

that doesn't stop it from
working the same way.

Taking testosterone doesn't
shut down the reproductive system.

What about my surgery?

We're gonna have
to postpone your surgery.

We're gonna have to find out
how far along you are and

you're gonna have to decide
what you wanna do about it.

We'll have your budget done
by the end of the week.

We cannot afford to have
the art department

last... again.

Thank you.

Can I ask how she responded?

Our Dean?

How did she respond to the work?

He asks how I responded
to your work.

I don't know.

How did you like the show?

But I can't.

I have paints.

Can I talk to you, please?

Sure, let's go to my office.

I hope
Preston didn't bother you.

He's an old fool
with a... for gossip.

It wasn't really about Preston.
I mean, the truth is

that Jodi's behavior
was completely inappropriate...

Baby, when it comes down to it,
this is all I have to offer you.

- And if you can't love this...
- Joyce!

Cover your junk!

Sorry, Bette.

We reschedule?

Joyce, what are you doing?

You can't just pop out
from behind a plant butt naked.

We have rules here.

I checked first to make sure
you didn't have anything.

I was acting with my heart.

I'm a woman in love.

Please, take a lot of.

Phyllis

Eleonore

Victoria Kroll,

you are one hell of a woman.

While the law
in the state of California

continues to acknowledge our love,

I would like to ask you
to take my hand

in holy matrimony.

- I don't know what to say.
- Say yes.

- How many carats is this?
- Four!

- Say yes!
- How much did you spend?

- This must have cost a fortune.
- I've got a friend who has a friend...

Say yes, Phyllis, please.

But I said I never wanted
to get married again.

We'll go to San Fransisco,

we'll get married on...
of City Hall,

Gavin said he'd marry us.

Gavin Newsom?

- The mayor of San Fransisco?
- That's right.

We raised
a lot of money for that guy.

Say yes, Phyllis.

I'm freezing.

- Yes.
- Damn, lady! Come here, you!

You've made me
one happy woman.

MUSIC

Who wants to tell me
why you're here?

Oh, we're just here
for a tune-up.

Does that seem like an accurate
assessment to you, Tasha?

She's the one who called it that.
We've just had a couple of little,

little things come up lately.

- What sorts of little things?
- Money,

I make a lot more
than she does.

How's that make you feel, Tasha?

Resentful.

She doesn't want me
to spend this much because

she can't afford it.

- Is that true?
- Absolutely.

We couldn't even get
a bigger appartment because

she couldn't share the rent
fifty-fifty.

And I also think she resents me

because I don't clean
as much as she does.

Do you?

Oh, look, now she's mad.

Is there anything else?

Tasha broke up with me
last week.

Really?

Why did you break up
with Alice, Tasha?

Because she thought I cheated

when I didn't even
kiss the girl.

Did you

think about it?

Yeah, but, I mean,
she wouldn't have even known

if I didn't tell her.
So I think that mere fact

that I disclosed the information
should count to something.

- Right?
- But if you knew Tasha's feelings

about the subject of cheating,

why did you choose
to tell her?

I think we're past it.

- I think what we have to work...
- Alice,

this is called couples' therapy
for a reason.

Now, Tasha, this process
works much more effectively

if you participate.

Why do you think
Alice told you?

She doesn't even wanna be here.

I think that she told me because
she wanted to break up with me

and bringing this woman between us
was the easiest way to do that.

She knew how I felt,
she knew that

I would break up with her
and when I did, she got scared.

That's why we're here.

Can I help you?

Uh, yes, I have an appointment?

I called in earlier?

Hi, I'm Max Sweeney.
I have an appointment.

- For your girlfriend, or...
- No.

It's for me.
I need an abortion.

- What did he say?
- If this is your idea of a joke

it's not funny.

I'm not joking, alright?
I'm pregnant.

Sir, if you don't leave now,
I'm gonna have to call the security.

Look, I'm a F.T.M. transsexual,
alright?

Yeah, that's right!
Take a good look!

I'm a man and I'm pregnant.

It happens. Don't you read
the fucking tabloids?!

Can I have my appointment now,
please?

- "Run Run" by Those Dancing Days -

I'm trying to write.

Can I have my keys?

I promise

to make room in the appartment
for your things.

And um,

I promise to try to see things
through your point of view.

And to not talk to you
with so much judgment.

And tomorrow when I wake up,

for work,
I'm gonna make you breakfeast.

I love that!

It's good, right?

Yeah, I know, it's good.

So, um, are you gonna give us
more exercizes or...?

I mean, maybe some homework.
I think we're ready for some homework.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm ready. Bring in on.

I'm not gonna give you
homework.

I don't think you two
should be in therapy.

- That's what I said. See?
- We rock.

You two have
so little in common.

I really don't think
you belong together.

I mean, what the fuck?

It's like, we spent what,

55 minutes with this guy?

Where is he fucking go off?

- I told you. Therapy's bullshit.
- It's bullshit, you're right.

He knows nothing about what we do
and don't have in common.

What the hell is he talking about?
We don't have anything in common.

- Really? Dan?
- I know, it's crazy.

- Give me my helmet.
- I don't know.

Thank you.

Upsetting.

I'll see you tonight?

- "Flava In Ya Ear" by Craig Mack -

Come here.

Hey, are you okay? Sorry,

I couldn't get any sooner.

Should you be op already?

They wouldn't do it.

I'm too far along already.

- How far along?
- Four months.

How did this happen?

How the fuck do you think
it happened?!

But, I didn't think you could.
You've been...

Yeah, I thought
if I was seeking testosterone,

I couldn't get pregnant, okay?
I was wrong.

Why wouldn't your doctor
tell you something like that?

I don't know.

Maybe because she didn't think
I was stupid enough

- to let some faggot fuck me!
- Hey, fuck you! Don't blame this on me!

Who the hell am I
supposed to blame, huh?

Who the hell has his dick
been inside me?

How am I supposed to know?

You got me pregnant, you faggot!
It was you!

I can't do this, Max.

I'm not ready.

- "Great DJ" by The Ting Tings -

We gotta make a list.
Clear the desk.

What kind of a list?

Pros and cons list.

My mother used to make this
all the time

to kinda decide whether she's
gonna divorce her ex-husbands.

And that's the model
we're gonna follow?

Well, she had
very successful divorces.

Pro.

Hold on.
Why con gotta be black though?

It's not a race thing.
It's just...

Red is happy.
Red is like pro...

No, red represents the devil.

Fine.

I'm writing down
"color weirdness" .

The work is really good
but the show is uneven.

This is, uh... This is weird.

I think it's weird.

Hey,
someone spent some money, huh?

Yes,
she's spent a small fortune.

Really?

God, I would kill
to have a piece like this

when I have my own gallery.

Me too.

Do you know
who Kelly Wentworth is?

A rich divorc?e.

She walked away with 80 million
dollars of Dick Wentworth's fortune.

And decided to spend it

on making herself a presence
in the art world.

Do you like my vanity project?

- It's lovely.
- Thank you.

Oh, it was 89 million.

Bette Porter?
Kelly Wentworth.

Please to meet you.

It's really a spectacular space.

You've been here a long time?

You really don't remember me?

Juicy fucking Freemont?!
Jesus!

Oh my God!

I swear to fucking God,

you look better
than you did in college.

- Bitch!
- Look at that biatch!

- The blond looks so good on you.
- Thank you.

Look at your body.

Are you still a runner?

I mean, sometimes.
Not, not really often.

God, what the hell
are you doing in L.A.?

I thought you were married
to New York forever.

Well, I thought I was married
to Dick Wentworth forever.

Holy fucking shit!

I'm so, so happy to see you.

Oh my God... Oh, God, I'm sorry.
This is Tina Kennard, my partner.

- Hello.
- Still gay, hey, Porter?

Yeah, well, I lack of imagination
in some areas.

Not many.

This is Kelly Frimont.

The Kelly Frimont!

Oh, Kelly Frimont,
the college roomate!

Right.

Well, I've heard a lot about you.

Did you tell Tina
about you and me?

Well, I told her that you

let me kiss you once
and were so ceased

by a deep and abiding
homosexual panic

that you moved out of the house
immadiately.

She got over me in two minutes.

Ten.

This piece is beautiful.

- I know.
- You have great taste.

I love the tonality.

I just ordered a roadster in

this colour.

I did!

Well, we're gonna go
see the rest of the show.

Okay, but, don't leave

without saying goodbye.

- I will.
- We will.

- It was nice to meet you.
- You too.

-"Killalady" by Justine Electra -

There is way more cons
than pros.

Alright, let's say this,

like "doesn't cook with pepper"

ever,

right?

It, uh, it shouldn't be,
it shouldn't count

as many points as, like,

"makes me wanna be
a better person".

Right?

It's pretty good.

So we should do it
on a point system.

Like,

"doesn't cook with pepper"
should get what, two points, and...

- Like a point system?
- Yeah, like a point system exactly.

And then "is spontaneous",
I just pick that one 'cause I,

I really appreciate that
about you.

"Likes to get spanked"
you should add.

Okay,
this would get like 8 points.

Okay, that is so smart.

Very smart. I mean,
you're smart. You're smart.

Give me this.

- How many points?
- Oh, nine. You get 9.

Oh yeah,
the pros are so winning now.

So, call me and
we'll arrange a studio visit.

Just one of the many things
I love about the art world.

Yeah, well,
he's a terrible artist.

Luckily I'm not interested
in his work.

Oh, you guys aren't going,
are you?

- Yeah, we are.
- Yeah.

Well, we have to make a plan,
lunch, diner, whatever.

I really wanna pick
that brain of yours.

Yeah, well, the first thing
I would tell you

is not to sign an artist
that you wanna fuck.

That comes
from firsthand experience?

I read your
article on the Art Journal.

- It was amazing.
- Oh, thank you!

Do you mind?

No, I think you should.

Excuse me.

Just a second.

The cover? Incredible.

I loved your lips.

I need to talk to you.

I'm sorry.

Just a second.

Now what?

James has been trying to
schedule an appointment with you

and you haven't
come back to him.

I've been busy.

Do you realise
that you report to me?

And if I ask to see you,

then you make it happen.

I don't report to you, Bette.

I don't report to anybody.

You have until tomorrow.

Or what?

I knew about it
if I couldn't choose my T.A.

I saw her. It was like
one after the next, little

moths to a flame.
She burnt everyone of them.

- Really?
- You know.

You're ready?

- It was really great to see you.
- You too.

- You too.
- Good luck with the gallery.

Thank you. I'll see you soon.

Nice to meet you.

MUSIC

Yeah, you two are a great pair.

No alcohol, no sex. It's...

Well, that's what you have to do

to keep your sanity and

not to mention your shirt on
in this business.

But, I mean, I'm not a complete nun.
I have the occasional drink.

I even have sex
every now and then.

Alright,
just not with people you like?

Yeah, that's my new M.O.

All business, no attachment.

What the fuck?

What?

Twelve o'clock,

the female
in the lesbo sandwich.

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!

Dylan, did she come out
of the closet?

That girl used to be straight?

Well, she wasn't gay back
when she was fucking Helena.

Wow, looks like someone's carpet
is about to get munched.

You're okay?

Of course,

why wouldn't I be?

You're not freaking out?

- No, there's no reason to.
- But that's the woman

who extorted you for
sexually harassing her!

What is wrong with you?

I'm just saying.

Of all the gin joints
in all the world?

I've been calling you.

I know.

My phone broke.

I wanted to say I'm sorry
for the way I reacted.

You just caught me by surprise.
I...

I've started to think
about it.

What do you think about
having the baby?

Fuck off!

Don't you wanna be a couple
of West Hollywood fag dads?

I don't know.

How we're fucking handle this?

We can handle it.

We can.
We both make a decent living.

We love each other.

We've said we want
to spend our lives together.

I'll have to think about it.

Sorry I kicked you in the balls.

I'm sorry I knocked you up.

Oh my God,
she was so irritating.

Did you hear her?

"Look at your body"!

"Are you still a runner"?

While you were talking to Jodi,

she asked me
if you were still a player.

I was never a player.

That's not what Kelly said.

She said no matter whether
you're in a relationship or not,

you've always had at least
two other women on the side.

Kelly was too busy
fucking every male professor

to pay attention to
what I was doing.

Oh and another thing,
she's sorry

she didn't take you up
on that offer 20 years ago.

Did you tell her we're exclusive?

No, I didn't, Bette.

I figured if some gorgeous woman
from your past come along,

talking about how hot you are

and how sorry she is
she didn't sleep with you,

I'm not gonna be the one

to tell her that you're not
available for a redo.

But you know that I'm not.

But you were flirting.

I was not flirting.

Yes, you were.

You can't help it.

- What? You never flirt?
- Of course I flirt,

but it's different for you.
It feeds you.

You feed off people wanting you.

And they do want you.

It's...
It's like blood to a vampire.

So now, I'm a vampire?

I love you.
I don't wanna deprive you

of something that's
so fundamental to who you are.

You need to trust

that I know who I am.

And I know what to do with it.

I don't know what that means.

It means that
everyone else can fuck off

because I only want you.

I only wanna be wanted by you.

MUSIC

Thank you.

Thank you, gorgeous.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

You're with me?

- What? What are we gonna do?
- Get my back.

What did she do to Helena?

Wait a minute. Right now,
I wanna tell her

where she gets off
messing with my friend.

I'm gonna tell her.

I'm so telling her.

Really...

- Really?
- Excuse me?

I mean, come on, the hair.
The hair... and the documentaries!

It's like...

I'm... not... gay!

Yeah, it's a good one.
A good one.

I got this.

She's got it.

You look, you look amazing.

Can we talk?

Okay, so basically,
that skankful Dylan Moreland

almost ruined
entire Helena's life.

First, she pretended
to be in love with her, okay?

So she and her boyfriend
could sue her

for sexual harassment

and extort million of dollars
from her.

Hi, we were...
Sorry, dude, we just left.

- Can you believe it?
- Get me a Pellegrino.

So,

are you aware that
this is my club?

No, I just came back into town

and, I mean, I heard that
this was the best girl club in L.A.

And you were looking for
a girl club, a lesbian girl club?

Yes, I mean, you know.
Obviously,

you, you helped me with that.

I mean, I finally
figured it out, right?

Good.

I just...

I can't begin to tell you about

how sorry I am
about everything, about

the way I behave,
the way I treated you.

And I don't expect for you
to care about my life at all

right now. I...

I certainly don't expect for you
to care that I've,

I've never stopped thinking
about you.

Ever.

And wishing that I'd met you

at a different time in my life.

I can go if you want me to go.

No, it's fine. Look,
I only came over

because it would be
akward for me

not to say anything,
especially since it's my club.

Stay, stay, have a good time.
Enjoy it. Be with your friends.

So, her mother get so mad

she cuts Helena off,
so she has to come live with me

- and become a cook!
- I was a caterer.

Which was a disaster,
and let's face it

Helena is used to
a certain standard of living.

So she meets
this shady high-roller lady.

they hook up but

she uses Helena
and takes all her money

and when Helena takes it back, and
we still don't know where she buried it,

she gets arrested
and has to share a cell

with some killer!

- She was in for text fraud.
- Alright.

So, her mother
can't take it anymore,

she bails Helena out,

but she doesn't wanna live under
her mother's thumb anymore.

So she springs Dusty from jail,
they go to Tahaa

which she doesn't ever
want to talk about,

so it couldn't have been
that great, right?

Right.

And her mother gets stung by
a jellyfish, all because of this woman.

Want me to kick her ass?

Thank you.

You're a better person that me.
I'd have to beat a bitch down

- if she tried to do that shit to me.
- Are you okay?

I'm perfect.

And don't even get me started
on her kids,

'cause where did they go?

I don't give a fuck
who's idea it was.

You took part. You manipulated
my emotions, you used me,

and you humiliated me,
and you've got

to be fucking insane thinking
you could just prance in here

act as if nothing ever happened,
tell me that you're happy,

tell me that you're out of the closet,
tell me that you're oh so sorry

for destroying my fucking life.

Fuck you!

Thank you!

Now I know you care.

I need my stuff. Open the door.

Thanks.

So that's it?
You're done trying?

I'm out.

I don't see
the point with you anymore.

Shane, you know
that it was you, right?

When I said that
you broke my heart?

I was talking about you.

- "From the Valley to the Stars"
by El Perro Del Mar -

You know, when I said it
I felt like my,

my, my heart was breaking.

I tried to tell you

all week how sorry I am.

I'm not ever gonna hurt you
like that again.

I also realized
that I'm in love with you.

Now I'm like
all those stupid girls.

What?

What?!

The negative was stolen
from the lab, Tina!

We have no more film!

And I'm holding you
personally responsible for it.

Jenny, I'm gonna
fucking kill you.

On the next all new episode of
"The L Word"...

Homophobia is alive and well.

- I'm gotta get fired.
- You don't always get rewarded

for doing the right thing.
I got punished.

Are you really gonna
make this about you right now?

I'm gonna have to fire you.

Having her around makes you
uncomfortable.

That's sexual harassment.

Are you threatening to sue me
for sexual harassment?

- We're making a mistake?
- No.

I don't have expectations
for our relationship.

Oh my God!

So you guys are like a couple?