The L Word (2004–2009): Season 5, Episode 9 - Liquid Heat - full transcript

It's a scorcher out there, folks.

According to
the National Weather Service,

we won't get released from
the triple-digit heat

until sometime early next week.

You boys are ready? Okay,
let's get that camera on set.

Did you load the 500T?

It gets against rules to make us work
under this kind of heat.

- Try to stay hydrated.
- Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

Water?

He has what?

- Uh, it's an Elmo.
- A what?



An Elmo tattoo.

What grown man gets
Elmo tattooed on his ass?

How long is it gonna take to cover?

You know, in this heat, it's hard
to get the makeup to ??? to his butt chicks.

- It's all running down his crack.
- Oh, look.

Maybe the character would have
an Elmo ass tattooed.

- And then we wont have to cover it.
- No.

- No.
- Alright.

Okay, here we go. Let's lock it up.
And...

Roll sound, please.

69, take 1. Mark.

And...

action!

- What's going on?
- What?



- Come on!
- What is... What the fuck is this?

I think, I think we're having
a power failure.

- What?
- Shit!

Shit, shit, shit!

- Back on, back on.
- Okay.

Okay. Listen up, everybody.

So Cal Edison is doing
the rolling blackouts again.

So let's shoot while we can.

Let's have fun, all squeeze!

Alright, you heard her.

You want a blast?

Yeah, please. Thank you.

Apparently this is earthquake weather.

Go ahead, bitch, bring it on.

- You're okay?
- Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'll get over it.

- Thank you.
- 69, take 2. Mark.

And action.

Okay. Cut, cut, cut.

Hey, you guys?

It's actually... that's not...
That's not the scene.

Okay? This is an obligatory fuck.
You don't wanna fuck him.

You don't like
having sex with this guy, okay?

Okay, but... I mean,

he's been my boyfriend
for like three years, right? I mean,

why would I hate
having sex with him now?

- Yes. That's what I was kinda thinking too.
- Thanks, Fallon, I got this.

'Cause you're in love with Karina,
okay?

You probably don't like
having sex with that guy.

Just because I like women doesn't mean
I have to hate men. I mean,

come on, Jenny,
is this a man-hating movie?

It's not a man-hating film,

but the scene as written

is about the experience
of being force to have sex

with this guy,

when the night before, you've just had
the most beautiful, mind-blowing sex.

With a woman.

Now this

hairy guy is just pounding you,
like unh unh unh...

What does that do? It hurts.
You want to cry.

Is that okay with you?

- Yeah?
- Yeah, okay. Thank you.

Its that okay? Thanks.
Thanks.

Alright, let's go now.

Very good then.
Let's lock it up, please.

- And roll sound.
- So to speak.

Thanks.

Shhh. Settle, settle.

69, take 3. Mark.

Action.

Okay. Cut, cut.

Okay, it looks like
you love fucking this guy.

You don't like fucking him, okay?

Do you understand that?

Hang on a sec.

Look at me.

Did you fuck him?

Can I have my uh... Can we just...

lock it up? Thanks.

Listen to me, okay?

Please.

I was drunk, it was after the party.

It meant nothing, okay?
It was a mistake.

I understand.

- You feel pressured.
- I mean, they're pressuring me,

and they're making their scene
in a heterosexual sex M.O. now,

and I swear to God, Jenny,
I wish it was you

and I'm so sorry,
and I will never do it again.

Thanks. Can I just, uh,

a minute

with him?

Thanks.

Hey, Fallon?
Can I just talk to you for a sec?

- Yeah, yeah. What? What is it?
- Hey.

I just wanted to talk to you
about fucking your co-star.

Do you realize how irresponsible

- and destructive that is?
- I didn't think it was...

It's unprofessional, okay?

You've tampered with the chemestry

between the two of you.

It is a vile

and despicable act.

Alright?

You're fired.

- What?
- Get outta here.

- With this fucking black, I can't...
- Get the fuck out of my set.

Fuck this shit!

So, I called Joey Manhohand,
I said "Go ahead,

take us to Court,

'cause you've got
a final bust offer on the table.

And no judge in California
is gonna let you walk away with anything,

like we were stipulating.

You're gonna take one look
at your client,

and you're gonna say,

"Put your socks, old man,

go back to work.

- Stop wighting like a girl".
- Wighting like a girl.

Leonard always wighted like a girl.

- What did Joey say?
- He caved.

- Yes.
- Oh, it made him sweat like a pig.

Even more than I'm sweating right now
in this blasted heat.

And we should have documents
to sign tomorrow.

I'd love Molly to meet you. She's having
second thoughts about law school.

- She wants to take a semester off.
- I thought Molly was on Leonard's camp.

She's just so angry. You would be
such an inspiration for her.

If you and I were still... I mean, if I

- hadn't been so foolish...
- Oh, you made your choice.

- I accepted it. Didn't I?
- Yeah.

You gave me my space to run around
like a crazy adolescent.

Okay, Phyllis. I want you to listen to me.

It's understandable, given that
we've just had this little triumph together,

and given how smoldering hot

the two of us were in the sack...

It's understandable
that you might be feeling

a tiny bit amorous towards me right now.

I'm just trying to stand by my convictions
here, m'dear.

But you are making it awfully difficult
in that sweet

little slip of a frock.

Sweetie...

Joyce...

You're sitting on my shirt.

- What?
- You're sitting on my shirt.

Let it go.

This is it.

I had to fight some old snooty woman
at the Bodega for the last of it,

but I got it! Yes!

This hot-ass earthquake weather, man,
just makes people mean. Just meeeean.

Hey Kit, are you going to that, uh,

- sit-down anything?
- I don't know. You know,

I don't trust 'em.
I do not trust those SheBar bitches

coming up in here
with some ol' mobster crap.

I mean, let me read this to you:

"We request your presence at a sit-down

to mediate grievances and lesbo turf.

At the SheBar. Lunch will be served".
Are these bitches crazy?

Alright. I know. Oh, thanks.

And everyone got one of those.
Me too.

I met 'em once, when I was stoned.

Why do they want you to go?

No idea.

They must be workin' some angle.

Well, maybe you should come with me.

Protect me. Just in case.

Well, you have to go
to the sit-down, Kit. For sure.

You know, hear what they have to say.

You know, negociation works sometimes, Kit.

Okay, alright. But
at the first sign of bullshit, I walk.

Listen to me, okay?

Stop! Stop! Alright!
You can't fire Greg.

You can't fire him!
Are you listenning to me?!

Do you know what the fuck you're doing?!

It's William on the phone for you.

Jenny, you have to take this.
He's calling from Dubai.

Monsieur,

- you ???. It's nothing.
- Give me a break.

Don't worry about it.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Fine?

She just fired the only male
lead actor

in our fucking movie.
It's not fine, Adele.

I know.

Right now, he's telling her
to march right back in,

apologize to Greg and rehire him.

William? And she'll listen to him?

Yeah.

I think Jenny will listen to him.

Fuck.

- Oh, my God...
- Excuse me.

I'm wandering if any of you

have seen

dumbshit actor boy around?

- No? No one's seen him? Adele?
- Yeah?

Could you, uh, find Mr. Fallon for me?

- Yeah. Sure.
- Thanks.

I can see

that you're talking about me.

I can also see that you're talking
about me. So I just wanna

say: "Yes, it's true!"

I did loose my temper

and now I'm on my way to apologize to

Mr. Fallon and I have

made a mistake and

the dumbshit actor boy
is no longer fired. Okay?

Everybody, go back to work.

Now. Go!

Jesus! I can't wait
to get these fucking clothes off.

You have to do it. It's so hot.

Hello?

Hey.

Do you have power at CU?

I'm at home, actually.

It was just, it was unbearably hot
at school.

I mean, it's ten degrees hotter downtown.

I think we have to shot down production.

These rolling blackouts
are costing us a fortune.

??? tens of classes.

Are you gonna go to this,

this SheBar gathering thing?

I think I have to go.
Kit really wants me to be there.

Oh. Well, maybe I won't go, then.

What, you think we can't be
in the same room together?

I think it would be hard.

Yeah, I know. It's hard for me too.

Can you hold on a second? I'm just
gonna pull you on speaker.

Sure.

So, are we, are we still on

- for Dan tonight?
- Yes, six o'clock.

Hopefully it'll be a lot cooler by then.

Although it wasn't last night.

How's Angelina?

Oh my God!

They need you on set two.

Okay. I know that already.
Thanks.

I'll be there.

She was so cute, Bette.

I had to explain to her why

we couldn't turn on the air conditionner
during theses rolling blackouts.

So she went to play group,

and she made this little fan
that she brought at home

and then we took turns
fanning ourselves.

You know, you guys could
come down here and use the pool.

Beside, I've gotta get off.

Okay. I see you tonight.

Who was it?

It was Tina.

We're having
some parenting disagreements. So,

we're gonna go see
the therapist together tonight.

Good for you.

I just, uh,

I wanted to come tell you
that we're gonna shot down for the day.

That's costing us way too much money.

Yeah, I figured.

Do you wanna maybe go out to dinner
one night this week?

You know, I don't think so.

- Okay.
- Tina, I think you're great.

You know that.

I think you're great too, Sam.

But that dinner party was
awkward and uncomfortable and...

I just think I'm gonna take a step back

until you and Bette resolve your stuff.

- Is it that obvious?
- Yeah.

Shit.

If it makes you feel any better,
I don't think anybody else noticed.

I'm sorry, Sam.

It's cool.

We're trying to resolve it.
We're actually,

we're seeing a therapist together,

to

try to understand, you know.

- I hope it'll help.
- It's crazy!

Neither one of us ever thought that

anything like this would ever,
you know, it's...

I mean, it's really over.

- So over.
- Apparently not.

I do feel for Jodi, though.
She is a terrific girl.

Yeah.

She's, she's nice.

- Niki, come on!
- She left as soon as we called her out.

What?

She's gone.

What?

It just feels good.

I'm almost dry.

I'll make you wet again.

Don't. Please.

It's really too fucking hot.

No, that's not it.

Really. It's just so hot.
Please.

Bullshit.

What's going on?

I'm in love with Tina.

What? Did you say something?

I'm unhappy.

Unhappy how?

I'm unhappy...

with...

I'm unhappy with work

and I just don't want to burden you with it.

I want you back.

Your mind,

and your heart,

and your body.

I miss you.

You know, Jenny,
you can go home and get some rest.

Will you please
put this in an envelope?

- Yeah.
- And give it to Niki?

Of course.

It's a love letter.

Will you read it and tell me
if it sucks?

Come here!

Can you tell her to meet me here tonight?

I'll tell her.

Thanks.

How are you?

Wipe those tears.

Are you okay?

Well, are you gonna come with me to that
big, dumb mafia sit-down at SheBar?

- No.
- Why not?

I'm gonna sit right there

and I'm gonna wait for Niki.

No, you're not.

- Why?
- 'Cause that's weak.

- But I am weak.
- No, you're not! You're not weak.

You're the boss of this place.
You could fire

everybody here if you wanted to.

That's not true.

What would you do?

Would you go out and fuck someone?

Probably.

I'd go out and have meaningless sex
with somebody I didn't care about.

Come on, come with me to SheBar.

No. I don't want to have sex
with anybody but Niki.

Well, look,
I have a straight-girl crush that,

that will not go away, so...

Pull them right there.
I need to see your invitations.

Are you fucking serious?
Get off of me!

Spread them, sweetheart.

You could have
at least asked me out to dinner.

- Ah, stop!
- ???

Right this way.

God! This is fucking crazy.

I know, it's total "four families",
isn't it?

It's Cuban!

Hello, ladies.

- So glad you all could make it.
- So, double D, what's the...

Is this... is this her?

What's the deal with this to-do, huh?

Well, I thought we should all
get together,

clear the air,
I mean, of the recent hostilities.

It really pains to see
what could have been a bountiful friendship

reduced to bad feelings and acrimony.

Bountiful friendship? You came into town

- and you pissed all over every one of us!
- No, on the contrary,

- it was you who abused us.
- What?!

Yeah. Cindi and I came to your fair city,

wanting to settle down,

and open up a nice little lesbian hangout.

And then we cordially invite Shane here

to share a little sex amongst friends.

And then what does she do?

She breaks that trust

by seducing my girlfriend.

Denbo, you need to start
singing a new song, 'cause, firstable,

I did not seduce her. And secondly,
you told me it was okay.

- No, she didn't.
- Oh, yeah. She did.

Shut it.

You know, I got an idea. What if
you kept your mouth shut for two seconds

- and you actually let your girlfriend talk?
- Because she's got nothing to say.

- Go fuck yourself.
- See, I thought that was somethin'.

As I was saying,
I understandably reacted,

because in Miami, that shit doesn't fly.

And then insults were traded,
and one of you,

I'm not mentionning any names,
called the police on our establishment.

You infested The Planet with rats.

Just because you have a health problem
with your establishment

does not give you the right to trying
close someone else's business down.

You actually tried to shut down my film.

You did not have permits
for that neighbourhood.

- You are bothering my friends with children.
- This is bullshit, Kit.

Why're you even talking to these jokers?

I'm sorry. I don't think I know you.

- Tasha.
- It's actually Captain Tasha Williams.

And she's here to kick some ass
and take names if necessary.

That is so awesome.

- Really, Cindi?
- What?

- What?! It's impressive.
- You know, Tasha's got a point here.

I really shouldn't sit here and listen
to all this bullshit.

- I should just kick your motherfuckin' ass.
- Oh, be careful what you're saying next, Miss Porter.

I'm trying to be civil here
in the interest of both our businesses.

But if you want this to escalade,
we can do that too.

- Oh, what you think you've been doing?
- Alright. Come on, come on.

- It's supposed to be a peace summit.
- You're never gonna get a peace summit

because you can never believe a single thing
that comes out of this asshole's mouth.

- What did you just fucking...?
- Thank you, thank you.

Enough!

What do you want, Denbo?

What do I want, what do I want...

- Turf.
- Turf.

And divide up the town.

You can have

wednesdays and saturdays,
and we'll take fridays and sundays.

Kit wants mondays too.

Kit wants mondays, Kit wants mondays...

Fine. But we get superbowl weekend.

- Fine.
- Hey!

- No poatching customers.
- It goes both ways.

Now, the question of restitution.

- A restitution?! You...
- A restitution...

For emotional hardship.

- Are you fucking kidding me?
- No.

My honor was maligned,
and that of my lover Cindi's.

And how do you propose
that we restore this lost honor?

We want parts in your movie.

My mov...

- No way.
- I don't want a fucking part in your movie.

- Just Cindi.
- Why would I give

- your lover Cindi a part in my film?
- Because she's goddamn gorgeous.

Look at her. Why wouldn't you give her
a part in your movie?

Well, I think she has a face like an extra.

So you can be an extra on my movie.

No, no, no, no.

She has to have a line.
Something plugging SheBar.

Absolutely not. No fucking way.

That's really too bad.

I wouldn't want another production mishap

to befall your little shoot.
You know,

I have a brother Jo,
he's near engineer in the Team...

Go fuck yourself.

Now, why would I do that
when I can fuck you.

You are so tacky.

I think she's psychotic. What do I do?

Give her a small part.

I thought about it

and you,

Cindi, can play the role of

- party girl number 4.
- Thank you.

Well, I think our business is done here.

We're not finished.

You'd better be soon.

We want a shot out to the SheBar
on "The Look".

Fuck no, Denbo!

A mention on "The Look"
is worth millions in advertising.

Millions, millions... that's about right.
Yeah.

There is no way I'm promoting SheBar
and I'm not promoting The Planet.

You're not?

Well, I think we're done here.

Cindi.

Bette! Podcast.

Alice will give a mention to SheBar
and The Planet, but not on "The Look".

She'll mention both of them

on a podcast.

Okay. Podcast it is.

What do you say, Kit?

Deal?

What do we know
that you'll keep your word?

My word's all I've got.

You're just gonna have to trust me.

Did you decorate this in the 80's?

Come on you guys.

- Thanks. I'll see you sometime.
- Bye, Shane.

You should be waiting for
our call time.

Are you sure
you still wanna do this, Alice? 'Cause

it's so hot in here.
I thought they had air-conditionning.

Yeah, I'm right. I mean,
if you are, I'm ready.

- "Love For Life" by Standfast -

I'm so happy to be out of there.

I didn't think we were gonna
get outta here alive, did you?

No, I didn't. I didn't even wanna go
in the first place.

So, is that thing ready for me?

Yeah. You just have to press
the red button.

- Red button.
- Yeah, the little red button.

- Okay.
- Give me a signal. A signal.

A signal?
How's that for signal?

Good? So...

Hi there. I'm Alice Pieszecki
and this is "Alice in Lesboland"

and today I have my collegue Max Sweeney
with me.

Hi, everybody.

As some of you may know,
Max is sort of

our behind the scenes techy guy
on OurChart, and, uh,

he recently, uh,

did a blog about being a trans-guy
and it kinda pissed some of you off and

I said some things
that weren't so cool,

apparently, and I just wanted
to apologize publically to Max.

So, I'm sorry, Max.

Actually, um, you said
that I wasn't part of your community.

Which is... it's more than just
kind of uncool.

- Wouldn't you say?
- Yeah, I would, yes.

And I'm very sorry.

After I said that, I heard from
one of our guestbian blogger,

Kate Kendell, who's also the director of

the National Center for Lesbian Rights,
and she told me that

I sucked and was full of shit
for the same reasons. So,

- I am sorry.
- Thanks, Kate.

Well, I guess I just kinda figured that

you'd understand
the importance of inclusion.

Of course I do. I just think
they're really different.

I think being bisexual is just more natural

and I think that trans, sort of,

it's a little hard for people to swallow it.
I think they're very different.

Well, the main argument
against homosexuality is it's not natural.

And that it's not what
real men and women do. Right?

And I mean, if you're gonna
talk about sexism and

homophobia and reproductive rights,

and all the other stuff I heard you
talking about last week on "The Look",

then, I mean, you've gotta accept this,
you've gotta

stop marginalizing the transgendre,
sisters and brothers.

I hear you.

So, again, I am sorry.

Here you go.

Wait. I thought Jodi liked chalatte.

Oh, it's for Tina.

We're going
to a therapy session together.

Just to talk about Angie.

Now I know you're bullshit me, because
ain't nothing wrong with baby girl.

We're gonna talk about parenting.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Bette...

Fuck!

Come back here.

- Don't you dare.
- Don't I dare do what?

Don't you dare do that to Jodi!

I'm not trying to do anything to anyone.

Well, you just better be careful.

That's why were going to see a therapist.

- Please don't say anything.
- To who?

I dunno.

Working on OurChart's been
totally awesome, actually.

- You're way a better boss than the last one.
- Oh, good.

You have been kind a trans
for the ??? or whatever.

Yeah. You know.

- Thanks.
- I mean,

he tried to set me up with his daughter,
right,

and

I'm not outta work, so they don't know

that I'm not a vile guy.

- Hi.
- Hi.

This is Richard, Shane.

- Richard, nice to meet you.
- Yeah, nice to meet you.

- Good stuff.
- Yeah,

you pro the big oil business,
aren't you?

I told her about your internship
with ??? Peterson,

which he quit, because he decided
it was immoral

and after I told him,
we're breaking up

because he was an environmental criminal.

- Hi.
- Hi! I'm sorry.

- Podcast, yeah.
- Oh, right. I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry. This is Molly.
This is Phyllis' daughter.

I'm familiar with Phyllis.

- Yeah.
- Hey, I'm Max.

- How is it going?
- Good.

Listen, Richard, welcome to ???

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too.

You know that Jenny gave away a part
in your movie, by the way.

To that girl,

- Cindi. Cindi, the lover Cindi.
- I can't believe

- Jenny gave a part in the movie to Cindi.
- Yeah.

Crazy week. Can you hold on one second?

Yeah, that's all your production needs.

So, how much money you're tend to lose

when you have to shut down
production for the day?

Well, it depends if the crew is already on,
you know, that can suck,

and then if the crew's not on
then it depends on how many locations

we have secured and...

You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Jesus. What were we thinking?!
God damn!

They said the rolling blackouts were over.

- Oh shit.
- What the fuck is that?!

- Fuck! I can't get a signal.
- Oh god!

Shit! I don't like this.

I don't like it. It's gonna get really
fucking hot here in about two seconds.

I cannot take the heat.

I'm gonna have a panic attack.
I know I am.

Breathe.

Breathe. Deep breath.

I don't wanna breathe too deep.
I'll take up all the oxygen.

It's gonna be fine.

Jesus, it is fucking hot
in this city of yours.

Hey!

Where have you been?

I got a show.
I've been painting like a maniac.

Really? I didn't even know
you were an artist.

Yeah.

Not a big rich artist like Jodi,

- which is why I interprete for her.
- To pay the bills, right.

Exactly.

- So where's your girlfriend?
- If you mean Grace,

she's in San Fransisco.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

It's really nice to see you.

Good, because

I've actually been thinking about you.

Yeah?

Which

is why I haven't come around
because it's kinda freaking me out.

Yeah.

Yeah, I get it.

It's cool.

Would you sit with me for a minute?

I was actually thinking

maybe you'd like to go out sometime.

Well, you mean like on a date?

Yeah, like a date.

Yeah, sure.

Maybe tonight?

Alright.

Yeah.

- "Private Number"
by William Bell (feat. Judy Clay) -

What are you doing?

I'm feeling what 6 P.M. feels like.

I'm never home by 6 P.M.
I'm usually stuck on the ???

I have nothing that I'm supposed
to be doing right now.

Do you think that
Danny might know we're in here?

I'm sure he's doing everything he can.

What do you think he would say
of us right now?

If we were on session with him?

He would probably ask
what each of us wants.

And we would say: "We don't know".

And he would ask:

What are you afraid of, Tina?

Fucking it all up.

What else are you afraid of, Tina?

I'm afraid of, um...

what everyone will think of us,
how they'll judge us,

how hurt Jodi will be.

She already knows
there's something wrong.

- Did you tell her about us?
- God, no.

I've been such a fucking coward.

And, you know, it's not like we really...

I don't know, it was never just...

easy like...

What do you mean "never easy"?

Well, we don't share the same values
Jodi and I.

Do you think we share the same values?

Of course I do!

I mean, I think that's why
we were able to parent together

when things were the most
acrimonous between us.

I mean, it's so fucking rare, Tina.

We both care about the quality of life,

you know, and I like
the choices you make,

and the things
that you surround yourself with.

I mean, this attention to beauty...

I think that's important.

And I'm comfortable with,

you know, the people of your world,
and I think

you're comfortable with the people of mine.

We like the same people.

And we dislike the same people.

We'd both rather stay in on New Year's Eve.

Yes, Dan.

What is it that you're afraid of?

I'm afraid that I'm...

destructive.

That if I have something good,

I feel compelled to destroy it.

Look, I'm not so pure and innocent, okay?
I was awful

when I was with Henry.
I was flailing.

Look how I treated you. I

used Angelica against you. I was

- despicable.
- I love you.

I love you.

I have no doubt about that.

I'm just afraid that...

That everything you're feeling right now
is because...

we're not really together.

It's an affair.

- No.
- But it is.

For me,

when I really search myself,

it doesn't feel like an affair.

For me,

it feels like I'm coming home.

- "Emergency" by The Sweet Inspirations -

Jen, we have to get outta here now.

I don't want to.
I just wanna stick around

- probably a little bit more.
- It's too hot.

It's way too hot.

I know, but I just wanna wait.

Perfect.

- Hello?
- Hey.

I'm here in the house all by myself

and the lights keep going on and off
and it's really fucking scary.

Give me a fucking break.
You're not scared.

Shut up. Just come over.

Where's Richard?

I don't know, probably on a plane
back to Ramon.

After his lame ass effort
to get me back,

- I sent him home.
- Oh yeah?

How was that?

He knows I'm a stucker
for a romantic gesture, so he got

a fly away across the country
and then, when he got here,

he was this lock-jawed, tight-assed ever.

Well, the lights went out.

Oh, fucking shit! Again?!

Can you please, please come over?

Please...

Hello?

Come in.

Oh my God!

This is the most beautiful letter

than anyone has ever written to me and

it completely reminded me of why
I want to be in this movie and

how I am so into you
and I just love you so.

Oh my God! Oh my God!
Oh my God!

Fuck! I didn't, I didn't...
I don't know what happened. I didn't...

- It's okay.
- You need to go to the production office.

I thought that's where
you were gonna meet her.

She's gonna be so fucking mad.

Look, she doesn't have to know, okay?

- What?
- Yeah, I mean,

I'm not gonna tell her
unless you are.

You look a lot like her in the dark.

And it's weird, because you kind of
even look like her right now.

She really loves you, you know?

I know.

I love her too.

I'll see you later, Adele.

- Thanks for coming.
- Yeah, of course.

- Sorry about earlier. Thanks.
- Sure.

- I was really scared.
- Oh, no. I get it. It

- was crazy driving over here, so...
- No.

Not scared of the dark.
Scared because I wanna fuck you.

Wine?

I've got a red french bourgogne here,
unless you prefer...

- No, no, I like it.
- Okay, good, good, good.

I've never done this before.

I mean, I kissed a girl that one time
in Girl Scouts,

but it was just that one time thing,

and it was "Truth or Dare"
and it never happened again.

Molly, we don't have to do anything,

you know. We can just hang out
in the dark. It's okay.

But I think you're really sexy.

Yeah.

That's good, um...

I think you're,

- I think you are too.
- Richard thinks I'm olddly proportion.

- Richard's a tool.
- I know.

We went to Nantucket last summer, and
I caught him jerking off to internet porn

when I wasn't looking.
How gross is that, right?

Yeah. He says he loves me
but he's totally full of shit. More?

- Why are we ??? Richard still?
- You're right. Fuck Richard.

Let's go upstairs.
Can you grab the candle?

Yeah.

Fuck that guy.

I'm not gonna marry Richard.
I told him that today.

'Cause what's marriage anyway?

It's an ill-conceived antiquated institution

created by people who did not expect
to live past 30.

- Did you know that?
- No.

I took a gender study class
and did you know that

in medieval Europe,

the wedding ring
was the symbol of ownership?

Seriously. It was a down paiment
on the bride sale.

- Can you believe that shit?
- Wow! No.

I know, right? It's fucked up.
I'm sorry. I'm talking too much.

I'll stop talking.
I tend to do that when I'm nervous.

- "Let Da Music" by Quiero Club -

Thanks for diner.

Sure.

Can I kiss you?

Yeah.

Most improves.

Gotta start somewhere.

Nice room.

We don't have to do this, you know.

- We don't have to.
- I know,

we don't have to.

Weird.

- What? What?
- Boobs.

No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm an idiot.

- Jenny...
- Hi.

- Oh my God!
- You came!

That was the most amazing letter
that anyone has ever written to me.

And it made me realize
why I wanted to do this film.

What? What?

- Jenny, I love you so much.
- I love you so much.

- I'm so sorry.
- And I'm so sorry.

I love you, I love you!

- "Swimming Pool" by Freezepop -

- What?
- You really are like a guy. A really

sexy guy.

Except you are softer.

- Guess what?
- What?

I'm not a guy.

Surprise!

You're wet.

What did you expect?

I don't know. Not that.

I don't know if you're ready for this.

I'm ready for this.

Am I doing right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You're doing perfect.

- What's that look?
- What?

What are you doing?

What are you talking about?

I'm not doing anything.

Really...

It's hot in here, isn't it?

It's getting hotter.

Well, that maybe can cool you off.

Yeah!

Let's take this off.

It feels good.

How are you gonna fuck me?

That was amazing! Of course
it was amazing 'cause

you're a girl and you

know how to do that.

What are you doing?

I don't really think
I'm ready for this yet.

I don't think I know how.

I'm sorry.

I will show one more time.

Fuck!

Oh God...

We'll take it slowly.

Well, how are you going to tell her?

Are you gonna tell her it's because of us?

No.

But if it's okay with you,

I don't want to tell her before the ride.

You know, the Pink Ride.

I love you.

I love you too.

- Hi, Dan.
- The poor, poor things.

There's nothing we could do.
Are you okay?

- We're fine.
- Anybody traumatized?

I think we actually
clarified some things for ourselves.

You should be ashamed of yourself.
You're not even a lesbian.

Neither were you a year ago.

When I left you this afternoon,
you were with Richard.

- This is beneath you.
- What,

because Shane's never read Proust,
she's beneath me?

She's never even heard of Proust.

Who cares if she's heard of Proust?
I'm so sick of you judging

everyone I know.

So Shane's not gonna win a
MacArthur genius grant anytime soon.

It's really nice for once
to be with someone

who's a little bit uneducated.

- She probably went to community college.
- Who cares

if she went to community college! Who cares
if she even graduated from high school!

I don't like Shane for her political views.

I like Shane because she's easy

and simple. And maybe she's not
the smartest person in the world,

but at least she's not fucking Richard.

See how long this lasts.