The L Word (2004–2009): Season 3, Episode 5 - Lifeline - full transcript

PREVIOUSLY ON THE L WORD...

WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?

I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT I'M DOING HERE IN L.A.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN L.A.?

WHAT'S YOUR SCREENPLAY ABOUT?

A GIRL WHO BECOMES A BOY.

WHAT HE GOES THROUGH.

SO IT'S ABOUT YOUR LIFE?

OR MAYBE IT'S ABOUT YOURS, MAX.

I THINK YOU SHOULD DEEJAY
RUSSEL SIMMONS' PARTY.

IT REALLY DOESN'T
MATTER TO YOU AT ALL



WHETHER OR NOT
I'M AT YOUR OPENING?

IT'S NOT THAT BIG
OF A DEAL TO ME.

I'M ALMOST OLD ENOUGH
TO BE YOUR MOTHER.

MY GRANDMOTHER. I DON'T CARE.

WHY ARE YOU TELLING
ME THIS RIGHT NOW?

BECAUSE, TINA, WE HAVE AN
AGREEMENT WITH ONE ANOTHER.

I'M REALLY IN AWE

WITH WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO DO HERE,

AND I'M LUCKY ENOUGH

TO BE IN A POSITION TO HELP YOU.

GAME, SET, MATCH,
MISS FAIRBANKS.

THERE YOU HAVE IT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

DANA FAIRBANKS IS
THE MERCEDES-BENZ...

I'M GOING IN FOR A NEEDLE
BIOPSY ON TUESDAY.



WE'LL FIND OUT THEN

IF THERE'S ANYTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

WE'RE HERE IN D.C. FOR
A CHURCH CONFERENCE

ABOUT HELPING PEOPLE TO
OVERCOME HOMOSEXUALITY

THROUGH FAITH IN
THE LORD JESUS CHRIST.

OUR MINISTRY, THE
OUT FROM SIN MINISTRY,

IS IN BILLINGS, MONTANA,

AND WE'RE HERE

TO TALK ABOUT FREEDOM
FROM HOMOSEXUALITY

THROUGH THE
INCREASING SUBMISSION

TO THE LORDSHIP OF CHRIST

AND HIS CHURCH.

CAN I HELP YOU?

I'M SORRY, I...

CAN WE DO THIS A LITTLE LATER?

I GOT ME A FLAT TIRE.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

A RADIAL?

SOMETHING PRETTY BASIC.

IT'S A RENTAL.

I'M JUST IN TOWN
HERE FOR A FEW DAYS.

NOW, THESE ONES HERE

ARE STANDARD
ALL-SEASON PERFORMERS,

NON-SPEED AND T-SPEED RATED.

HAD A COUPLE COMPLAINTS, THOUGH,

ABOUT THIS ONE,
TREAD SEPARATION.

THESE ONES HERE OFFER
SLIGHTLY BETTER RESPONSE

AND HANDLING,

AND THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD
OVER ROAD IRREGULARITIES.

YOU GO TO SCHOOL FOR THIS?

NO, IT'S JUST A SUMMER JOB.

I'M STARTING AS A
FRESHMAN AT YALE

IN COUPLE OF WEEKS.

[♪♪]

♪ GIRLS IN TIGHT DRESSES
WHO DRAG WITH MUSTACHES ♪

♪ CHICKS DRIVING FAST
INGENUES WITH LONG LASHES ♪

♪ WOMEN WHO LONG, LOVE,
LUST WOMEN WHO GIVE ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY IT'S
THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ TALKING, LAUGHING
LOVING, BREATHING ♪

♪ FIGHTING, FUCKING
CRYING, DRINKING ♪

♪ WRITING, WINNING
LOSING, CHEATING ♪

♪ KISSING, THINKING, DREAMING ♪

♪ THIS IS THE WAY... ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S THE WAY THAT WE LIVE ♪

♪ AND LOVE ♪

YOU'RE LOOKING VERY,
VERY SERIOUS, DR. SHAPIRO.

WELL, I WILL TRY NOT TO
BE TOO SERIOUS, DANA.

THE RESULTS OF YOUR BIOPSY

INDICATE WHAT WE CALL
INFILTRATING DUCTAL CARCINOMA.

DUCTAL CARCINOMA.

FROM THE TEXTURE OF THE LUMP,

I CAN TELL YOU THAT
WE SHOULD BE PLANNING

EITHER A LUMPECTOMY AND
AUXILARY NODE DISSECTION,

OR A MASTECTOMY.

ARE... ARE YOU SURE?

YOU KNOW, DANA,

THIS IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE.

CANCER.

WE ARE GOING TO TAKE
VERY GOOD CARE OF YOU.

IS THERE SOMEONE
YOU'D LIKE TO CALL, DANA?

WOULD YOU LIKE TO
DO THIS ANOTHER TIME?

NO, I JUST...

I JUST NEED YOU TO TELL
ME WHAT I NEED TO DO.

WELL, WE NEED TO SCHEDULE YOU

FOR SURGERY,

ASSUMING YOU WANT

TO RECONSTRUCT THE BREAST, WE...

RECONSTRUCTION...

ASSUMING YOU WANT
TO RECONSTRUCT,

WE CAN DO THAT

AT THE SAME TIME
AS THE MASTECTOMY.

IT WILL TAKE A LITTLE
LONGER TO SCHEDULE

BECAUSE WE HAVE
TO GET YOU IN FIRST

TO SEE THE PLASTIC SURGEON.

NO, I DON'T WANT TO WAIT.

I WANT IT OFF.

I WANT IT OFF NOW.

[♪♪]

[TINA]: SOMEBODY
IN THIS FAMILY'S

GOT TO MAKE A LIVING.

[BETTE]: I HAVE MADE A
LIVING FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS.

I DON'T THINK MY
ABILITY TO MAKE A LIVING

IS REALLY IN QUESTION.

[TINA]: I'M NOT
QUESTIONING YOUR ABILITY.

I'M QUESTIONING YOUR DESIRE.

[EMAIL BEEPS]

[EMAIL BEEPS]

[SIGHS]

[EMAIL BEEPS]

[SLAMS LAPTOP SHUT]

I KNOW IT'S A THRILLER,

BUT I STILL THINK WE HAVE
CHARACTER WORK TO DO.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK AT
SOME PADDY CHAYEFSKY FILMS?

OH, MY GOD, NETWORK
IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE.

I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING
OF THE HOSPITAL...

YEAH, IN THE WAY IT
USES THE INSTITUTION.

YEAH, YEAH...

THE OLD-AGE HOME
IS OUR HOSPITAL,

AND THE MURDER-MYSTERY
IS LIKE OUR SUBPLOT.

EXACTLY.

[PENCIL SCRATCHING]

WHAT?

NOTHING.

IT'S JUST, UM...

DO YOU KNOW HOW INCREDIBLE
IT IS TO WORK WITH AN EXECUTIVE

WHO ACTUALLY THINKS
ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON

IN THE REAL WORLD?

NO, HOW INCREDIBLE IS IT?

THIS IS MY CELL.

[PENCIL SCRATCHING]

CALL ME ANY TIME.

[INTERCOM BEEPS]

BETTE ON 2.

TELL HER I'LL CALL
HER BACK, ROSIE.

IS THIS YOUR DAUGHTER?

SHE'S SO CUTE.

THANKS.

UH, DID YOU ADOPT HER?

NO, I GAVE BIRTH TO HER.

SO, UM, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND DO?

HE'S A POWER FORWARD
FOR THE L.A. CLIPPERS.

I'M SORRY. I'M JUST KIDDING.

I DON'T HAVE A HUSBAND.

MESDAMES ET MESSIEURS,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...

WELCOME TO BISEXUAL
SPEED-DATING NIGHT!

YEAH!

[CROWD CHEERS]

NOW...

NOW, AS OUR LOVELY FRIEND
TOM CRUISE ONCE SAID...

THE BAR IS OPEN!

SO GET OVER TO THAT BAR,
GET YOURSELVES LUBRICATED,

AND WHO KNOWS, MAYBE YOU'LL
NEED TO GET LUBRICATED LATER ON.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

[WHOOPING]

EACH DATE IS EIGHT MINUTES LONG,

AND WHEN YOU HEAR THE BUZZER...

[BELL RINGS]

OR THE BELL...

BLESS YOU FOR THAT...

YOU GET UP, TAKE YOUR
LOVELY LITTLE CLIPBOARD THING

AND MOVE ONE PLACE
TO THE RIGHT, OKAY...

ALICE, HONESTLY,

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M DOING HERE.

LIKE, HELENA, I JUST
NEED A FRIEND HERE

IN CASE I DON'T
MAKE A SINGLE MATCH.

A WORD OF WARNING.

IF YOU DO NOT MOVE
WITHIN 30 SECONDS,

A BURLY, OILY MAN WILL COME
AND EJECT YOU FROM THE PREMISES.

I'M NOT EVEN BISEXUAL.

NO, BUT YOU HAVE THE CHOICE

OF CHOOSING ONLY GIRLS.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF
BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING...

YOUR ODDS ARE TWICE AS GOOD.

OKAY?

LOOK AT THE WORLD AS
YOUR BISEXUAL OYSTER

AND SHUT UP, OKAY?

LET'S SPEED-DATE!

[CROWD CHEERING]

TEAM ONE, TAKE YOUR POSITIONS.

[BELL RINGS]

OKAY, BISEXUALS, BACK TO IT.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU...

YOU KNOW, WHAT
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

CREATIVE INTEGRITY...

COURAGE.

YOU KNOW, SOMEONE
WHO'S WILLING TO TAKE A RISK.

MY GIRLFRIEND AND I ARE...

YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

OH... OH...

[CHUCKLES]

OKAY.

OKAY, TAMMY.

SOMEONE WHO'S ORIGINAL,

WHO HAS VISION, YOU
KNOW, A CLEAR POINT OF VIEW.

WE'RE TRYING TO START A FAMILY.

WE'RE HERE LOOKING
FOR A SPERM DONOR.

OKAY.

I'M A LITTLE LOW ON
THE SPERM TONIGHT.

LITTLE LOW ON THE SPERM...

[BELL RINGS]

MOVE TO THE NEXT
TABLE TO YOUR RIGHT.

[RINGS BELL]

MOVE TO YOUR RIGHT, PLEASE.

NEXT ROUND.

BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING...

[KIT]: I AM NOT
BISEXUAL SPEED-DATING!

OH, BE A BIG GIRL, NOW,
AND JUST SIT DOWN.

AND YOU, YOUNG FELLOW, MY LAD,

HAVE FIVE MINUTES.

I WANTED TO SAY THAT THIS
THING YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

THIS THING?

THIS CHANGE OF LIFE IS REALLY...

IT'S BEAUTIFUL,

AND IT'S SEXY, AND...

FUCK IT, THAT'S WHY I
BROUGHT THE GUITAR.

♪ DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS ♪

♪ WAITING FOR BUT MY
TIME WAS RUNNING WILD ♪

♪ A MILLION DEAD-END STREETS ♪

♪ EVERY TIME I THINK
I'VE GOT IT MADE ♪

♪ IT SEEMED THE TASTE
WAS NOT SO SWEET ♪

♪ SO I TURNED MY
EYES TO FACE ME ♪

♪ BUT I NEVER CAUGHT A GLIMPSE ♪

♪ OF HOW THE OTHERS
MUST SEE THE FAKER ♪

♪ I'M MUST TOO FAST
TO TAKE THAT TEST ♪

♪ CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN ♪

♪ CH-CH-CHANGES ♪

♪ DON'T HAVE TO BE
A DIFFERENT MAN ♪

♪ CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN ♪

♪ CH-CH-CHANGES ♪

♪ JUST HAVE TO BE AN OLDER MAN ♪

♪ TIME MAY CHANGE ME ♪

♪ I CAN'T TRACE TIME ♪

CLOCK IS TICKING.

♪ STRANGE FASCINATION
FASCINATING ME ♪

♪ OH, CHANGES ARE TAKING
THE PACE I'M GOING THROUGH ♪

♪ CH-CH-CH-CH-CHANGES
TURN AND FACE THE STRAIN ♪

♪ CH-CH-CHANGES ♪

♪ LOOK OUT YOU
ROCK AND ROLLER... ♪

[BELL RINGS]

AND MOVE AGAIN, PLEASE.

♪ TURN AND FACE THE
STRAIN CH-CH-CHANGES ♪

♪ GONNA GET A LITTLE BIT OLDER ♪

♪ TIME MAY CHANGE ME
BUT I CAN'T TRACE TIME ♪

♪ I SAY THAT TIME
MAY CHANGE ME ♪

♪ BUT I CAN'T TRACE TIME... ♪

[BELL RINGS]

OKAY, BISEXUALS,
TIME FOR HIATUS.

HEY, ALICE.

CAN YOU PASS ME
THE GRAND MARNIER?

THANKS.

OH, HA, HA, HA.

ALICE IS SPEED-DATING.

I'M SURE YOU AND DANA WILL
GET A REALLY GOOD LAUGH

OUT OF THIS ONE.

ACTUALLY, I THINK DANA

HAS A LOT OF OTHER THINGS
ON HER MIND RIGHT NOW.

[BELL RINGS]

OKAY, BISEXUALS,

BACK TO YOUR SEATS
FOR THE NEXT ROUND.

PLEASE TAKE YOUR PLACES,

AND WE'LL START
SPEED-DATING AGAIN.

SHRIMP, SHRIMP,
SHRIMP, SHRIMP...

COME ON, EVERYBODY. GET TO IT.

READY?

NO, I'M NOT COMING.
I'M ACTUALLY GOING.

GOING WHERE?

TO, UM...

GOOD LUCK. I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

WAIT, HELENA. WHAT THE FUCK?

GREAT. THANKS!

I CAN FEEL THE LOVE
IN THE AIR, YOU KNOW.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL,

BEAUTIFUL THING.

OKAY, ARE WE READY?

OW. ARE YOU OKAY?

HONEY...

IT'S JUST THE DOOR.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

LOOK AT THIS.

HELLO!

IS ANYBODY HERE?

FUCK, CARMEN, COME ON.

CAN YOU GUYS COME AND CLEAN UP

YOUR FUCKING MESS?

HI!

WHAT IS THIS?

THIS LOOKS LIKE
A FUCKING PIGSTY!

SORRY.

WE WERE JUST WATCHING A MOVIE...

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M SORRY.

I AM REALLY, REALLY SORRY,

BECAUSE I APPARENTLY

DON'T KNOW HOW TO
LIVE IN A FRAT HOUSE...

OKAY, OKAY.

THIS IS DISGUSTING, MOIRA...

CARMEN, CARMEN, CARMEN, COME ON.

WHERE'S JENNY?

SHE WENT TO THE
STORE TO GET A SIX-PACK.

SHE WENT TO THE STORE.

SHE'LL BE BACK.
THEY'LL CLEAN IT UP.

GREAT, GOOD.

YEAH, LEAVE THAT
ON THE FLOOR, TOO.

WE WERE GOING TO CLEAN IT UP.

WE WERE JUST WATCHING A MOVIE.

WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ANYWAY?

I JUST REALIZED WHO YOU ARE.

DO YOU THINK THAT'S A PROBLEM?

WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW
IT COULD BE A PROBLEM

THAT YOU HAVE
GREAT TASTE IN RADIO.

YOU KNOW THE SHOW YOU DID

IN WHICH YOU
REFERENCED JEAN ROLLIN'S

LE FRISSON DES VAMPIRES?

YOU MENTIONED AN
ESSAY THAT I WROTE

FOR A COURSE I'M TEACHING

AT LOYOLA MARYMOUNT.

NO KIDDING.

MM...

WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

UTA REFSON.

AND WHAT DO YOU TEACH?

I'M A VAMPIROLOGIST.

I TEACH A COURSE ON
THE QUEER VAMPIRE

IN LITERATURE AND FILM

AND A SEMINAR
CALLED DEMON DESIRE,

ABOUT THE VAMPIRE
AS A LESBIAN PREDATOR.

OKAY, I'M A TOTAL
VAMPIRE LESBIAN FREAK.

WHAT ATTRACTS YOU TO
THE LESBIAN VAMPIRE, ALICE?

I DON'T KNOW, UTA.

UM... MAYBE IT'S JUST
I LIKE THE DARK SIDE.

WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW?

WHAT?

LUNCH?

I PREFER DINNER.

I'M NOT MUCH OF
A DAYTIME PERSON.

RIGHT, BECAUSE VAMPIRES
DON'T GO OUT IN THE DAY,

DO THEY?

NO.

WE LIE IN BED WITH
THE CURTAINS DRAWN.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

OKAY.

YEAH, TOMORROW NIGHT.

HEY.

I'LL THROW DOWN THE KEYS.
CAN YOU LET YOURSELF IN?

SURE.

LINDSEY76, ARE YOU THERE?

WHAT?

DADDYOF2 WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.

HE SAID HE HAD A BIG HARD-ON.

UGH, INTERNET FREAKS.

GROSS.

HE PROBABLY GOT MY NAME
FROM SOME CHAT SITE I USED

WHEN I WAS RESEARCHING

THAT STAY-AT-HOME DADS PROJECT.

SO YOU GO ON AS LINDSEY76?

JUST THAT ONE TIME.

JESUS!

WHAT?

WHY ARE YOU GETTING SO UPSET?

BECAUSE YOU'RE ACTING

LIKE I HAVE SOME BIG
SECRET INTERNET SEX LIFE.

NO, TINA, I THINK YOU'RE THE ONE

WHO'S ACTING LIKE THAT.

I CHATTED WITH HIM FOR
RESEARCH PURPOSES.

THAT'S IT.

I'M TIRED.

I'M GOING TO GO TO SLEEP.

THE POLICE CAME

WHILE THEY WERE BEATING
HER WITH A BASEBALL BAT.

IT'S PART OF AN
INITIATION RITUAL.

[SIGHS]

IS THIS TOO VIOLENT?

NO...

NO, I... I'M ALL RIGHT.

OH, THEY DANCE
IN THIS NIGHT CLUB.

AND, I MEAN, JUST
GOING IN THERE,

IT'S LIKE TAKING YOUR
LIFE IN YOUR HANDS,

BUT THIS NIGHT,

THEY SORT OF
HALF-HEARTEDLY TRIED

TO GET ME TO LEAVE,
BECAUSE AEISHA KNEW

THAT MISTRESS Q WAS
COMING WITH A GUN.

[GUNSHOT]

HOW WERE YOU ABLE

TO GET CLOSE
ENOUGH TO FILM THIS?

I LIVED WITH THEM FOR
TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS.

YOU KNOW, I ATE
WITH THEIR FAMILIES,

I SLEPT ON THEIR FLOORS.

I WAS WITH SUMATRA

THE NIGHT SHE DIED
OF A GUNSHOT WOUND.

YEAH, SHE WAS EIGHT-AND-A-HALF
MONTHS PREGNANT.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH.

SORRY.

I'M SORRY.

PLEASE...

DON'T BE SORRY.

[DOOR OPENS]

[MAN CALLS OUT]:
DYL, ARE YOU HOME?

UH, YEAH.

I'M EDITING.

[MAN]: I'M GOING TO BED.

THERE'S A DOGGY BAG FROM MON KEE

IN THE KITCHEN.

OKAY.

UM, I'LL BE IN IN A BIT.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

BABY, LISTEN TO THIS.

NOT ONLY HAVE CURE RATES LEAPED,

BUT MOST WOMEN

HAVE A MUCH GREATER
CHOICE OF TREATMENTS NOW.

THEY EVEN TALK ABOUT
THESE EXERCISES YOU CAN DO

TO RESTORE YOUR ARM STRENGTH

SO YOU CAN PLAY
TENNIS AGAIN SOONER.

I'M NOT PLAYING TENNIS AGAIN.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT? OF COURSE YOU ARE.

NO, I'M NOT.

MY CAREER IS OVER, LARA.

BABY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

I MEAN, YOU COULD TEACH, OR...

UGH, I DON'T WANT TO TEACH.

I DON'T WANT TO COACH.

I DON'T WANT TO DO ANY OF THAT.

IF THEY DON'T HAVE TO TAKE AWAY

TOO MUCH OF THE MUSCLE...

I MEAN, DANA, IT SAYS RIGHT HERE

THEY USED TO
AUTOMATICALLY REMOVE

THE PECTORAL MUSCLE...

LARA!

STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME
FEEL GOOD ABOUT MY CANCER.

PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.

[LAUGHTER]

HEY, IS SHE HIGH?

HEY, DUDES.

HELLO.

HI.

OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

OH, HEY, JENNY.

CAN YOU... ACTUALLY,
CAN YOU SIT FOR A MINUTE?

I JUST WANT TO TALK TO
YOU GUYS FOR A SECOND.

SURE, SURE.

YOU WANT SOME? NO, THANK YOU.

SO, WHAT'S UP?

YOU GUYS GETTING MARRIED?

UH, NO.

I JUST, UH...

GOSH, I...

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

I'M SORRY. THAT'S TINA.

EXCUSE ME.

[SHANE]: I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT.

WHAT?

EVERYONE, ALICE IS ABOUT
TO GO OUT WITH A VAMPIRE.

NO, UM,

A VAMPIROLOGIST, ACTUALLY.

SHE'S KIND OF A DOCTOR...

WELL, NOT A DOCTOR,
MORE OF A TEACHER...

AT LOYOLA MARYMOUNT.

SHE'S GORGEOUS.

IT'S JUST A FIRST DATE.

FIRST DATES ARE
THE BEST, BY THE WAY.

GOOD LUCK. THAT'S COOL.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

SURE. IT'S OKAY.

WHAT'S UP?

I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU GUYS

I'M HAVING A LITTLE
OPERATION TOMORROW.

THAT'S IT.

AN OPERATION?

YEAH. WHAT KIND OF OPERATION?

IS IT OUTPATIENT
OR IS IT OVERNIGHT?

IS IT SOMETHING SERIOUS, DANA?

ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?

YEAH, I'M GOING TO BE FINE.

THEY, UM...

UM...

I'M HAVING A... I...

THEY... THEY FOUND
A LUMP IN MY BREAST,

AND SO I'M HAVING IT REMOVED.

IT'S ROUTINE.

A LUMP?

DID YOU HAVE IT BIOPSIED?

YEAH.

WHAT DID THEY...
WHAT DID THEY FIND?

IS IT BENIGN?

IT'S JUST A LITTLE
OPERATION, REALLY, IT'S...

EVERYTHING'S OKAY.

EVERYTHING'S OKAY.

YOU KNOW, TINA HAD A LUMPECTOMY,

AND YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE SCAR.

[HELENA]: NO. NO, YOU CAN'T.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW THAT SHE'D HAD ONE.

WELL, FUCK IT, WHAT TIME?

YEAH, I THINK WE SHOULD
ALL GO AND SUPPORT YOU.

WE SHOULD ALL BE THERE.

LARA'S GOING TO BE THERE.

IT'S FINE, LARA'S
GOING TO BE THERE.

IT'S OKAY, REALLY.

IT'S GOING TO BE OVERNIGHT.

I'LL BE OUT THE NEXT DAY.

OKAY?

ARE YOU SURE?

YES.

IS THERE ANYTHING WE CAN DO?

YEAH... NO.

THANK YOU.

SO, MOIRA...

THAT'S A GIRL'S NAME, ISN'T IT?

YEAH.

I'M A GIRL.

I WASN'T SAYING

I DIDN'T KNOW IF
YOU WERE A GIRL.

I WAS JUST ASKING
ABOUT THE NAME.

OH, SORRY.

SO TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT
YOUR LAST JOB, MOIRA,

AT CHALDENE SOFTWARE,
SKOKIE, ILLINOIS.

I WAS MOSTLY INVOLVED
IN CODING AND TESTING.

WE DEVELOPED THIS
SYSTEM USING TCP/IP SOCKET,

HTTP, CORBA...

VERY IMPRESSIVE.

UM, HOW ARE YOUR
PROGRAMMING SKILLS?

MOSTLY I'M FAMILIAR

WITH WINDOWS PLATFORMS
LIKE JAVA AND VISUAL OBJECTS,

BUT I'M A REALLY FAST LEARNER,

AND I'M REALLY GOOD AT
TROUBLESHOOTING AND DEBUGGING.

AH...

IT'S A GREAT LETTER
OF RECOMMENDATION

FROM CHALDENE.

HOW DID YOU GET ON
WITH THE FOLKS THERE?

REALLY WELL.

HUH, SO NO PROBLEMS
WITH YOU BEING...

YOU KNOW, HARD TO PEG?

HARD TO PEG?

YOU'RE KIND OF NEITHER
FISH NOR FOWL, MOIRA,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

AND I'M NOT SAYING

THAT WE WOULD
DISCRIMINATE AGAINST YOU,

BECAUSE THAT IS ONE THING

THAT WE DON'T DO
HERE AT INTECHMODE,

BUT WE'RE LOOKING FOR
SOMEONE WHO IS A TEAM PLAYER.

WE'RE TEAM PLAYERS HERE.

YEAH.

I'M A TEAM PLAYER.

WHAT SIDE DO YOU BAT FOR, MOIRA?

[LAUGHS]

I'M KIDDING.

I'M SORRY.

IT WAS TOO GOOD TO RESIST.

YOU KNOW, I THINK THE SCRIPT

NEEDS A LITTLE MORE REWRITING.

YEAH, WE CAN DO THAT.

THEN IT SHOULD BE FINE.

UH, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

I BOUGHT THIS ON eBAY.

OH, MY GOD.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE
MOVIE OF ALL TIME.

GOOD.

JUST A LUCKY GUESS.

IT'LL BE INSPIRATION FOR
OUR PROJECTS TOGETHER.

WOW. WELL, YOU SET THE BAR HIGH.

YES, I DO.

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS.

WOW. COOL.

I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

OKAY.

BYE.

GAME, SET, MATCH,
MISS FAIRBANKS.

AND WHAT A GAME!

DANA FAIRBANKS
HAS TAKEN IT TODAY

IN THE MERCEDES-BENZ
CHALLENGE...

[SNIFFLES]

SHE'S DONE A GREAT JOB SO FAR.

SHE'S BEEN AMAZING THIS YEAR.

ABSOLUTELY. CONGRATULATIONS.

THE ENTIRE SEASON.
I AGREE WITH YOU...

[CLICKS TELEVISION OFF]

YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M GREAT.

BABY, I THINK YOU
SHOULD TELL YOUR FRIENDS

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T.

THEY DON'T NEED TO
KNOW EVERY LAST DETAIL.

I JUST... I DON'T THINK

I SHOULD BE THE ONLY ONE.

THEY'VE KNOWN YOU
FOR A LONG TIME, BABY.

THEY LOVE YOU.

THEY WOULD WANT
TO BE THERE FOR YOU.

IF THEY KNEW THAT
THIS WAS MORE SERIOUS...

I TOLD THEM WHAT I
WANTED TO TELL THEM.

OKAY?

FUCK...

[♪♪]

CHASE, HAVE YOU
HEARD FROM MY 6:00?

OH, IT'S A SHERRY...

SHERRY...

YEAH.

PERONI. SHE HASN'T CALLED.

SHE'S FUCKING LATE.

DO YOU WANT TO
SET UP THAT BOARD?

WHAT, RIGHT NOW?

YEAH.

WELL, IF SHE HASN'T
SHOWN UP, YEAH, FOR SURE.

JUST WAIT A LITTLE BIT FOR HER.

LOOKS LIKE A SLAMMING PARTY.

I'M SORRY I MISSED IT.

CHERIE...

WHAT THE FUCK...

WELL, THAT'S A NICE WAY
TO GREET AN OLD FRIEND.

YEAH, I'M SORRY,
CHERIE. HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT
TO GET MY HAIR CUT.

YOU DON'T JUST DO
MOHAWKS, DO YOU?

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK I'D
LOOK TOO GOOD IN A MOHAWK.

WAIT...

SO YOU'RE "SHERRY PERONI"?

I WENT BACK TO MY MAIDEN NAME.

I WASN'T GOING TO KEEP
THAT FUCKER'S NAME,

BUT I...

CERTAINLY KEPT A
SHITLOAD OF HIS MONEY.

IS THIS WHERE YOU WANT ME?

YEAH.

THAT'S NOT BEING SELF-CENTERED.

JUST... YOU CAN'T DO THIS
TO ME AT THE LAST MINUTE.

YOU KNOW, WE HAD AN AGREEMENT.

I THINK WORK TAKES PRIORITY
OVER A MEDITATION GROUP.

IT'S NOT RIGHT, TINA.

[CHUCKLES]

WHEN DID YOU GET THAT?

IT'S VERY COMFORTABLE.

WHO KNEW BUDDHISM
COULD BE SO EXPENSIVE?

IT WASN'T THAT EXPENSIVE, TINA.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU NEEDED
SPECIAL CLOTHES TO MEDITATE.

FUCK IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF IT MAKES YOU THAT
UNCOMFORTABLE, I'LL CHANGE.

OKAY, I'LL RETURN IT.

WHATEVER.

DAMMIT...

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, TINA?

IN THE SEVEN-AND-A-HALF YEARS

THAT I WAS THE SOLE WAGE
EARNER IN THIS HOUSEHOLD,

I NEVER LORDED MONEY
OVER YOU THE WAY YOU DO ME.

AND WE DIDN'T HAVE A CHILD THEN.

AND YOU DIDN'T
HAVE A $300 HAIRCUT.

THE SCUMBAG LEFT ME
FOR HIS BOOKKEEPER.

SHE'S ABOUT YOUR AGE.

YEAH?

WELL, I'M REALLY
SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

NO, DON'T BE SORRY.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS FACE

WHEN THE JUDGE AWARDED
ME HALF OF HIS COMPANY.

WELL, AS LONG AS
YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT?

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, BY THE WAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD COME OUT...

HEY, BABY.

THE RESERVATIONS CAME
THROUGH FOR TONIGHT.

DO YOU WANT ME TO
WAIT FOR YOU OUT FRONT?

UM, CARMEN, THIS IS CHERIE.

CHERIE, THIS IS CARMEN.

CARMEN?

FUCK YOU.

CARMEN...

LET GO OF ME.

STOP IT!

HEY, CALM DOWN. STOP!

CALM DOWN. SHUT UP.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

CHERIE JAFFE.

I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS COMING IN.

BULLSHIT.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

GO LOOK AT THE BOOK.

GO LOOK AT MY BOOK
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.

SHERRY FUCKING PERONI.

SHE BOOKED UNDER
A DIFFERENT NAME.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

HUH?

OKAY, WHATEVER,
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

TELL HER TO GO FUCK HERSELF!

ACT LIKE YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

DID I HEAR HER SAY

THAT SHE WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

YEAH...

CONGRATULATIONS, SHANE.

SHE'S PRETTY...

BUT NOT AS HOT AS YOU ARE.

WHY DON'T YOU COME OUT
TO THE BEACH THIS WEEKEND?

YOU CAN BRING THE
GIRLFRIEND IF YOU WANT,

BUT... I'D RATHER
SEE YOU BY YOURSELF.

WE MEDITATE TO GET
TO KNOW OURSELVES,

TO BECOME INTIMATE
WITH WHO WE REALLY ARE.

EACH OF US HAS A LONGING FOR
WHAT WE SENSE IS IMPORTANT.

IT'S A PROCESS OF GETTING
SUBTLER AND SUBTLER,

AND THEN SIMPLY SINKING...

[♪♪]

KNOWLEDGE OF OURSELVES,

OF RECOGNIZING ON
DEEPER AND DEEPER LEVELS...

THE LOVING AWARENESS,

THE PRESENCE THAT
IS ALWAYS THERE

NO MATTER WHAT ELSE
IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE.

[♪♪]

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST CLEANING.

STOP IT.

YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

YEAH, I DO, ACTUALLY.

WHY?

BECAUSE I'M NOT MAKING
ANY OTHER CONTRIBUTION.

OKAY.

I AM GOING TO HELP YOU.

COME HERE.

ALL RIGHT.

HOW DID YOUR JOB INTERVIEW GO?

I'M NOT FISH OR FOWL.

OKAY.

STOP. STOP IT.

THIS IS BULLSHIT.

YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

LET'S GO.

I DON'T THINK, UH-

I'M NOT REALLY IN
THE MOOD RIGHT NOW.

NO, NO, NO.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO...

FUCK ME RIGHT NOW.

I WANT YOU TO GET DRESSED...

MAX.

I WANT YOU TO WEAR
TIGHT TROUSERS.

AND IF THOSE DON'T FIT YOU,

YOU CAN WEAR A PAIR OF MINE.

ALL RIGHT.

THAT LOOKS GREAT.

DO YOU WANT SOME HELP?

ALL RIGHT.

CAN YOU JUST, UM,
STICK THAT ON THERE?

CAN YOU JUST... YEAH.

HERE.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

WOW...

YOU LOOK REALLY HOT.

[♪♪]

HEY, CHASE.

HEY! HEY.

WHERE YOU BEEN?

JUST DRIVING AROUND.
HOW'S THIS GOING?

YOUR GIRL'S BLOWING
UP IN THERE, MAN.

SHE'S GOT SOME ADMIRERS.

OH, THE DEF JAM GUYS?

YEAH.

IT'S GREAT. THAT'S
WHAT SHE WANTED.

GO GET A DRINK.
ALL RIGHT, I WILL.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

[♪♪]

ALICE. ALICE!

HEY, SHANE!

THIS IS UTA.

SHANE, UTA.

NICE TO SEE YOU. HOW YOU DOING?

[♪♪]

WOW, SHE'S PACKING.

SHE'S PACKING.

OH, YEAH, SHE'S GOING FOR IT.

THAT'S GREAT.

COME ON.

OW!

AH.

I'M GOING TO...

I'M GOING TO BE RIGHT BACK.

I'M GOING TO GET US A DRINK.

BE RIGHT BACK.

HELENA!

I THINK UTA MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE.

WHAT?

WELL, HAVE YOU SEEN HER TEETH?

THEY'RE...

WHAT?

THEY'RE SHARP.

THEY'RE...

WELL...

IT'S A HICKEY.

I DON'T KNOW...

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL...

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY
SAY ABOUT VAMPIRES...

NO REFLECTION.

OH, YEAH.

TRY IT.

OKAY.

HEY!

OKAY.

I JUST... I THINK I'VE GOT
SOMETHING IN MY TEETH.

I'M JUST, UH...

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

WHAT?

OH, I JUST, I DROPPED MY RING.

WHY DON'T WE GET OUT OF HERE?

OKAY.

HOW WAS THE MEDITATION GROUP?

DID YOU HAVE AN
EPIPHANY OR SOMETHING?

IT WAS INTERESTING.

JULIA TOLD ME

ABOUT THIS SPECIAL
COUPLES RETREAT

UP AT THIS BUDDHIST MONASTERY

IN VERMONT.

I LOVE VERMONT.

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE
SHOULD GIVE IT A TRY.

MAYBE.

I DON'T KNOW WHEN
I'D FIND THE TIME.

SHE ALSO TOLD ME

THAT I'M ON A SHORT
LIST OF CANDIDATES

TO HEAD THE WHITNEY.

THE WHITNEY?

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"HOW DID THAT HAPPEN"?

SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY
THINK THAT I'M QUALIFIED.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO IMPLY

THAT YOU WEREN'T QUALIFIED. I...

I JUST THOUGHT THAT YOU SAID

THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO
TAKE ANOTHER MUSEUM POSITION.

IT'S THE WHITNEY. IT'S
PRETTY HARD TO DISMISS.

WOW.

YEAH.

I MEAN, WE'D HAVE
TO MOVE TO NEW YORK.

WE?

WELL, IF I TOOK THE POST,
IF THEY OFFERED IT TO ME...

I HAVE A JOB HERE,

A JOB I LOVE.

IT PROBABLY PAYS MORE
THAN A MUSEUM POSITION.

SO, UM...

YOU'RE SAYING THAT

IF I WERE NAMED THE
DIRECTOR OF THE WHITNEY,

YOU WOULDN'T MOVE TO NEW YORK?

I'D HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I LIKE MY LIFE HERE.

[♪♪]

WOW, YOUR LITTLE HOT TAMALE'S

REALLY WORKING
THE BIG BOYS, HUH?

WOW!

CAN YOU TAKE THAT?

CHEERS.

OH, SHE IS INCREDIBLE.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T THINK

I WAS EVER GOING TO
HAVE SEX LIKE THIS AGAIN.

IT'S LIKE SHE HAS
UNBELIEVABLE STAMINA.

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN
KEEP UP WITH HER.

IT'S LIKE...

[WHISPERING]: I JUST FEEL
LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, I MEAN...

SHE SEEMS LEGITIMATE.

I MEAN, SHE'S GOT, LIKE,
A TEACHING CERTIFICATE

AND EVERYTHING,

YEAH.

NO, IT'S REAL.

I THINK SHE'S THE REAL THING,

BUT THE PLACE IS CREEPY.

WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT?

OKAY...

VAMPIRES ARE IMMUNE TO DISEASE.

THEY NEVER GET SICK.

AM I SUPPOSED TO, LIKE...

LIKE, EXPOSE HER
TO A DEADLY DISEASE?

BECAUSE I COULD BE ONE
OF THE UNDEAD BY THEN.

OKAY, SUPPOSEDLY,
THEY NEVER SNORE.

GREAT.

WHO NEEDS THAT?

OKAY, THEY ONLY LIKE
TO GO OUT AT NIGHT,

DAH, DAH, DAH...

POSSIBLE MATCH.

THEY HAVE COLD HANDS AND FEET.

OKAY.

THEY DON'T LIKE TO
DEBATE ABOUT RELIGION.

REALLY?

HMM.

THEY'RE STRONGER THAN
THEIR BODIES MIGHT SUGGEST.

I GOTTA GO, I GOTTA GO.

HEY...

SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING.

OH, THAT'S FINE.

I HAD TO GO DOWN TO
THE CELLAR FOR THIS.

MM-HMM.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT GETTING TIRED.

WOW!

YOU'RE, UM...

YOU'RE A LOT STRONGER
THAN YOU LOOK, THERE, UTA.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

DO YOU REALLY THINK GOD...

IT'S JUST A QUESTION,
JUST A QUESTION...

IT'S OKAY.

"NOSFERATU."

FUCK.

OH...

OH, WHAT THE FUCK.

[FOOTSTEPS]

PLEASE.

[CRYING]

I'VE GOT SOMETHING
I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

WHAT?

I FUCKED DADDYOF2...

ON THE INTERNET.

I FUCKED HIM. I
ONLY DID IT ONCE.

THEN WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME?

BECAUSE I JUST HAVE
ALL THESE FEELINGS

THAT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH,

AND THEY'RE JUST SO FUCKED UP.

I DON'T...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

FEELINGS ABOUT WHAT?

FEELINGS ABOUT MEN.

[TINA SOBBING]

[♪♪]

FUCK ME!

[♪♪]