The L Word (2004–2009): Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot - full transcript
Bette Porter and Tina Kennard have been a couple for seven years and want to start a family. Their next-door neighbor, Tim Haspel, is about to form a couple when his girlfriend, talented young writer Jenny Schecter, moves in. Soon, mixing with Bette and Tina's circle of lesbian friends, Jenny learns that her mid-west university may not have prepared her for what she will learn about life, lust and love in Los Angeles.
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
BETTE, COME HERE!
WHAT?
YOU'RE OVULATING.
I'M OVULATING.
LET'S MAKE A BABY.
LET'S MAKE A BABY.
WHY DON'T YOU GET DRESSED,
AND I'LL DROP YOU OFF
OF MY WAY TO WORK.
HEY, TIM. GOOD LUCK.
BYE. THANKS.
AH! I AM SO READY.
IT'S COMING.
THANK YOU.
HI, SHANE.
SHE DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE
BEFORE HER MORNING SHOT.
HERE, YOU GO, DON JUAN.
SHE'S A KID. A KID.
WHATEVER. IT'S FINE.
I MEAN, DON'T FREAK OUT.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, LATER, GUYS.
BYE!
BYE, LISA.
SEE YOU, SHANE.
WHOA, YOU'RE NOT
LEAVING ALREADY?
YEAH, I'VE GOT A
9:00, GUYS. SEE YOU.
SEE YOU.
HELLO.
GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING.
I'LL MEET YOU AT THE DOCTOR'S.
HEY, WHAT TIME ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO BE AT WHAT'S HIS NAME'S?
11:00.
OKAY. BYE, GUYS.
OH, MY GOD,
IS IT HAPPENING TODAY?
IS WHAT TODAY?
THE INSEMINATION.
OH. MM...
YOU'LL DO IT AT THE
DOCTOR'S OFFICE THIS TIME?
BUT FIRST, DAN FOXWORTHY.
NO WAY.
WHO? WHY DON'T I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?
BECAUSE YOU DON'T READ.
AND WHAT ARE YOU, THE
INTELLECTUAL OF LIFE?
DAN FOXWORTHY IS, LIKE,
THE SUPER-EXCLUSIVE SHRINK
TO THE STARS.
HE WAS ON OUR LIST
OF L.A.'S BEST
SELF-IMPROVEMENT GURUS.
HOW DID YOU GET
THAT APPOINTMENT?
I JUST CALLED AND ASKED.
DON'T TELL BETTE
I TOLD YOU, OKAY?
BUT WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED A SHRINK.
WE'RE JUST CHECKING IN.
WE'RE ABOUT TO DO THIS
INCREDIBLY MAJOR THING.
BUT WAIT, YOU GUYS HAVE
THE BEST RELATIONSHIP
OF ANYBODY I KNOW,
GAY OR STRAIGHT.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE
SURE WE'RE GOOD.
SORRY.
HI.
COULD I OFFER YOU A RIDE?
I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
I MISSED YOU.
IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE?
THAT'S ALL I HAVE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE.
COME ON.
[EXHALES]
SHE'S ALWAYS RUNNING LATE.
THEN SHE HAD A
MEETING WITH AN ARTIST.
BETTE'S THE DIRECTOR OF
THE CALIFORNIA ART CENTER.
I SEE.
AND SHE'S PROBABLY GOING TO
BE REALLY STRESSED ABOUT TIME.
AFTER THIS, WE HAVE
TO GO GET SPERM.
WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY,
AND OUR FRIEND SEAN'S DONATING.
[DOOR OPENS]
SORRY I'M LATE.
JAMES, YEAH, I'VE
GOT TO GO IN A MINUTE.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
THE ART WORK IS
WAY TOO DELICATE,
IT'S BEING FLOWN IN FROM PARIS,
AND ANNIE IS ALREADY A COMPLETE
AND TOTAL NERVOUS WRECK.
JUST CALL ADAMS FINE ART MOVERS.
TELL THEM, IF THEY WANT TO
DO BUSINESS WITH CAC AGAIN...
EXACTLY.
OKAY, GREAT. THANKS. BYE.
OKAY, HERE I AM.
WE ARE HEADING NORTH RIGHT
NOW TOWARDS THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS.
A LITTLE FURTHER TO THE
RIGHT IS THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN,
AND IF YOU KEEP GOING ALL
THE WAY IN THAT DIRECTION,
YOU HIT THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
OH, CAN WE GO?
YEAH, WHENEVER YOU WANT.
AS OFTEN AS YOU WANT.
[CARS HONKING]
DO YOU WANT TO TELL
ME WHAT THE THINKING IS
BEHIND TRYING TO
HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER
WHEN YOUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP
HAS BEEN PRETTY SHITTY
FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS?
IT'S NOT SHITTY.
IT MAY NOT BE PERFECT...
THERE'S A LOT MORE
TO A RELATIONSHIP
THAN SEX.
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER
FOR SEVEN YEARS.
I KNOW PLENTY OF
COUPLES WHO STILL HAVE SEX
AFTER SEVEN YEARS.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE NEVER HAVE SEX.
LOT OF HETEROSEXUAL
COUPLES HAVE CHILDREN
WHEN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
AREN'T PERFECT.
YOU JUST OBVIOUSLY
DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT HAPPENS IN A
LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP.
I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.
I DON'T BELIEVE
THAT A STRAIGHT MALE THERAPIST
CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.
EARLY SEX IS PASSIONATE.
IT'S ILLICIT, EXCITING.
IT STILL HAS THAT...
[GASPS]
FACTOR,
BUT VERY QUICKLY A KIND
OF SYMBIOSIS DEVELOPS.
IT ESPECIALLY HAPPENS
BETWEEN TWO WOMEN
WHO ARE DOING THE WORK
OF MAKING A SERIOUS COMMITMENT
TO ONE ANOTHER,
AND WHEN THAT MERGING OCCURS,
THE INTENSE MUTUAL
DEPENDENCY CAN BE A DETERRENT
TO SEXUAL INTIMACY.
OH, MY GOD.
THE LESBIAN URGE-TO-MERGE.
WE HAVE TO STOP NOW.
OH.
DO YOU WANT TO SCHEDULE
ANOTHER SESSION?
WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.
I THINK TINA AND I NEED TO TALK.
WHAT ABOUT THIS INSEMINATION?
THAT'S NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION.
NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION?
NO, IT'S NOT.
I QUIT MY JOB.
I WAS A PRETTY SUCCESSFUL
DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE.
NOW I WANT TO RELAX
AND PREPARE MY
BODY FOR PREGNANCY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
I'M READY TO START A FAMILY.
WE'RE BOTH READY
TO START A FAMILY.
RIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY.
RIGHT.
OKAY. GREAT.
SO THIS IS IT.
THIS IS OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS OUR HOME.
IT'S VERY TRADITIONAL.
WAIT TILL YOU GET TO KNOW IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S JUST, UH, NOT
AS TRADITIONAL
AS YOU MIGHT THINK.
SO HERE'S YOUR NEW HOME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M FINALLY HERE.
THIS HAS BEEN THE
LONGEST SIX MONTHS
IN HISTORY, TIM.
YEAH, BUT YOUR
STUDIO'S FINALLY READY.
[JENNY GASPS]
OKAY, SO THIS USED
TO BE A GARAGE.
UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO.
I DID A REMODEL ON IT FOR YOU.
GO ON.
TRY IT OUT. COME ON.
OH, MY GOD!
I LOVE IT!
I HAVE TO GO, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL BE BACK SOON.
WHAT A FUCKING
AUSPICIOUS OCCASION.
I'D LOVE TO BREAK OPEN
A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE,
BUT I'VE GOT TO GET BACK
TO WORK SOME TIME TODAY.
I'M SORRY IT'S NOT
MORE ENTICING.
HEY, DON'T WORRY, I
DO THIS ALL THE TIME.
[WHISPERING]: I
LOVE HIS NEW WORK.
HE'S USING PAINT SO
MUCH MORE FREELY.
YEAH, I DON'T REMEMBER HIS
WORK HAVING THIS MUCH TEXTURE.
[SEAN GASPING]
[SEAN MOANING AND GRUNTING]
COME ON! OH!
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE
STRESSED OUT, HONEY.
I...
I KNOW THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME
CURATING FOR ME,
AND I'M GOING TO GIVE
YOU A LOT OF SUPPORT...
OH...
HEY, LISTEN, THIS'LL
LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD.
GUESS WHAT TINA HAS
BETWEEN HER LEGS.
[LAUGHS]
CLOSE.
A JAR OF SEAN HEANEY'S SPERM.
I KID YOU NOT.
SHE'S KEEPING IT WARM.
WELL, SUPPOSEDLY, ONCE
IT'S BEEN EJACULATED,
IT SURVIVES LONGER IF YOU
KEEP IT AT BODY TEMPERATURE.
HUH?
OH, UH...
HOLD ON A SECOND.
UH, IT'S ONLY
ABOUT HALF AN INCH,
BUT THEY SAY IT'S
QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY.
GOD, IT'S REPUGNANT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED
TO SWALLOW THAT STUFF.
YEAH, TINA SAID
I COULD SWIM HERE WHENEVER.
THEY'RE UPTIGHT AT THE CHATEAU.
HOW ARE THEY UPTIGHT?
WELL, THEY DON'T
LET YOU SWIM NAKED.
IT IS A PUBLIC POOL.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING
TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS,
AND WHILE I'M GONE...
WELL, REMEMBER HOW I TOLD YOU
THAT THERE'S A FAIR
AMOUNT OF EVIDENCE NOW
THAT IT'S MORE LIKELY TO
TAKE IF YOU'RE AROUSED.
SHE'S NOT SERIOUS.
AM I SUPPOSED TO
FUCK YOU RIGHT HERE?
I THINK IT WOULD HELP.
[LAUGHS]
THIS IS JUST...
THIS IS... THIS IS
TOO WEIRD FOR ME,
I... I MEAN... I... I JUST...
YOU KNOW, I REALLY...
FRANKLY, I FIND IT
INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE
THAT SHE EVEN SUGGESTED IT.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I BET
SHE WOULD NEVER DO THAT
WITH A STRAIGHT COUPLE.
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
COULD YOU COME
HERE A MINUTE, PLEASE?
YOU MIGHT WANT TO
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
SHOULDN'T THEY BE MOVING MORE?
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I
WANTED TO SHOW YOU.
I AM SO SORRY TO TELL YOU,
BUT THAT STUFF WOULDN'T
GET ANYONE PREGNANT.
THOSE LITTLE FELLAS
JUST DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.
HELLO.
HI.
WHAT KIND OF, UM, POSITIONS
DO YOU HAVE AVAILABLE?
BECAUSE I MIGHT BE
LOOKING FOR A JOB.
OH, UM, CASHIER.
REALLY?
YEAH.
EXCELLENT.
UM, COULD I HAVE AN APPLICATION?
YEAH.
GREAT.
OH, TINA, WHERE IS SHE?
THERE SHE IS.
AH!
YOUR LADYSHIP, PLEASE,
DON'T JAR ANYTHING.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S
GOING TO DISLODGE
IF SHE SITS DOWN
TOO HARD, ALICE.
THERE'S NOTHING TO DISLODGE.
SEAN'S SPERM IS LACKLUSTER.
HE HAS LOW MOTILITY.
NO MOTILITY, ACTUALLY.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW
IT BY THE WAY HE FUCKS.
OH, CHRIST, ALICE.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND
BETWEEN DICK AND PUSSY?
AND SPARE US THE GORY
BISEXUAL DETAILS, PLEASE.
WELL, FOR YOUR
INFORMATION, DANA,
I'M LOOKING FOR THE
SAME QUALITIES IN A MAN
AS I AM IN A WOMAN.
BIG TITS...
IT EXPLAINS WHY I
HAVEN'T GOTTEN PREGNANT
AFTER TRYING FOR SIX MONTHS.
OH, SORRY, TEE.
HE WAS THE PERFECT DONOR.
HE WAS THE ONE WHO BETTE WANTED,
BUT MY EGG JUST IMPLANTED,
SO I COULD STILL CONCEIVE
ANY TIME OVER THE
NEXT TWO OR THREE DAYS,
SO YOU'VE GOT TO HELP
ME FIND ANOTHER DONOR.
HOLD ON, NOW, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
SEAN'S JISM WAS NO GOOD.
AW. WE'LL FIND YOU SOMEONE ELSE.
WHO? I'VE GOT TWO DAYS.
WELL, BETWEEN THE FOUR OF
US, WE'LL COME UP WITH SOMEONE.
WHAT, HE HAS TO BE HEALTHY,
STRONG, CREATIVE, HANDSOME...
ARTISTIC.
THERE'S ALWAYS SHANE.
GUYS... HEY!
YOU KNOW, DO YOU HAVE TO
DRESS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME?
LIKE WHAT?
WELL, I WOULDN'T BE SEEN
ON THE STREET WITH YOU.
YEAH?
I MEAN, EVERY SINGLE THING
ABOUT THE WAY YOU'RE DRESSED,
LIKE, SCREAMS "DYKE."
GOD, DANA...
SORRY, MAN.
LOOK, IF I'M OUTED, I'M
SCREWED, ALL RIGHT?
SPONSORS AREN'T
CLAMORING TO BE REPPED
BY BIG OLD LEZZIE
TENNIS PLAYERS.
NO, NO, NO, LOOK, IT'S COOL.
I TOTALLY DIG THE
NEED TO MAKE A LIVING.
I'M MEETING A CLIENT ANYWAY.
YOU KNOW, YOU
ARE GOING TO PICKLE
IN THAT SELF-LOATHING
HOMOPHOBIA, I SWEAR.
YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE
GOING TO SHRIVEL
IN THAT SELF-RIGHTEOUS
PRIGGISHNESS.
YOU GUYS...
ALL RIGHT, WHO WOULD
SQUIRT INTO A JAR
FOR YOU?
HELLO...
WHAT?
YOU ARE JUST SO GAY.
SO GAY.
I KNOW.
I KNOW...
DO YOU, UH... DO YOU KNOW
THE NEIGHBORS NEXT DOOR?
BETTE AND TINA?
YEAH. ARE THEY,
UM, LIKE, A COUPLE?
YEAH, THEY ARE.
BECAUSE I SAW THEM HAVING SEX
IN THEIR POOL THIS AFTERNOON.
NO WAY. NOT BETTE AND TINA.
WHAT, THEY DON'T HAVE SEX?
NO, PROBABLY THEY DO,
IT'S JUST THAT...
YOU SURE YOU SAW
THEM GETTING DOWN?
I SAW THEM GETTING
WAY DOWN, TIM.
IS THAT RIGHT?
MM-HMM.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?
OKAY.
THERE WAS THIS GIRL...
WITH SHORT BLACK HAIR...
AND SHE WALKS OUT,
AND SHE TAKES OFF HER CLOTHES
IN, LIKE, TWO SECONDS FLAT.
YEAH?
LIKE THIS?
I THINK IT WAS A
LITTLE BIT FASTER.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH, I DO.
WE'LL WORK ON THAT.
OKAY.
AND THEN THERE WAS,
UH, THIS BLONDE GIRL
WHO HAD THESE REALLY
BEAUTIFUL BREASTS,
BUT I WASN'T REALLY
WATCHING THAT CLOSELY.
OH, I THINK YOU WERE WATCHING...
VERY CLOSELY.
WHAT DID THEY DO NEXT?
COME ON.
THE TALL SKINNY ONE
TAKES THE BLONDE VAMPY ONE...
BACKS HER AGAINST
THE SIDE OF THE POOL
AND THEN SHE BEGINS TO FUCK HER.
LIKE THIS?
OH, FUCK...
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
TRISH...
YOUR BACKSTROKE IS
LOOKING MUCH BETTER.
OH, THANKS.
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD FOR USC.
YOU GUYS GOT
SOME EXTRA STROKE
TRAINING SCHEDULED?
YEAH, TOMORROW
AFTER PHYSICS, RIGHT?
YEAH.
HEY, DO YOU THINK
THAT YOU COULD
MAYBE COME WITH ME
IN THE MORNING TO TALK TO DURST
ABOUT REPEATING MY MIDTERM?
I CAN'T REALLY DO
IT IN THE MORNING.
MY GIRLFRIEND JENNY'S IN TOWN.
SHE WANTS ME TO
TAKE HER CAR SHOPPING.
OH, SHE'S MOVING HERE?
YUP. SHE'S IN IT
FOR THE LONG HAUL.
OH.
TRISH...
MAYBE AFTER PRACTICE,
YOU AND I CAN GO TALK
TO DURST TOGETHER.
OKAY.
[LAUGHS]
NOW, YOU KNOW
YOU JUST BROKE THAT
GIRL'S HEART, RIGHT?
SORRY, MAN, WHAT
WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?
OH, MY GOD, IS THAT
DANA FAIRBANKS
AT THE PLANET IN WEST HOLLYWOOD?
SHH! SHE DOESN'T
WANT HER TENNIS FANS
TO KNOW SHE'S A GAY LADY.
FUNNY.
OKAY, FINE.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS
THINK ABOUT BUTT WAXING?
WHO HAS HAIR ON THEIR BUTT?
I DON'T KNOW.
[GASPS]
AT LEAST I DON'T ANYMORE.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRIM IT?
LISTEN, YOU GUYS, YOU'LL
HAVE TO FIGURE THIS ALL OUT
WITHOUT THE BENEFIT
OF MY WISDOM.
OH!
BETTE, TINA, GUESS, WHAT?
I HAD A GENIUS IDEA.
I HAVE SOLVED YOUR
DONOR PROBLEM.
YOU TWO ARE HAVING A
PARTY THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,
AND WE ARE INVITING ALL
THE ELIGIBLE MEN WE KNOW.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
RIGHT, ALL TWO OF THEM.
NO, YEAH. GET THEM ALL
TOGETHER AT ONE TIME.
RIGHT, JUST GO
FISHING IN THE POND.
GREAT.
GREAT.
I'M LEAVING NOW.
I'M GOING TO CALL
YOU ABOUT THAT!
OKAY.
BACK TO MY QUESTION, PLEASE.
OKAY...
TRIMMING IS ESSENTIAL.
YOU KNOW?
YOU JUST DO IT A FEW
DAYS BEFORE YOU GET LAID.
ASSUMING YOU EVER DO.
WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU
HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.
OTHERWISE YOU'LL NEVER
HAVE BUSH CONFIDENCE.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE
BUSH CONFIDENCE,
YOU WON'T FEEL GOOD
ABOUT YOUR BUSH,
AND YOU'LL NEVER GET LAID.
SO DEAL WITH IT.
OKAY.
DO YOU NEED ANY ROSEMARY?
IT'S KIND OF TAKING
OVER MY GARDEN.
OH, HI.
DID I SCARE YOU? I'M SORRY.
OH, NO, NO. NOT AT ALL.
I'M JENNY.
I'M TINA.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
I WOULD LOVE SOME ROSEMARY.
THANKS.
I HAVE THIS STORY
THAT I'VE WRITTEN
CALLED "THUS SPOKE
SARAH SHUSTER..."
I FEEL LIKE
THAT'S, LIKE, THE LAST STORY
THAT I EVER WANT TO WRITE
ABOUT BEING A STUDENT.
OH, YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR
MIND WHEN YOU GET OLDER.
I'M ACTUALLY THINKING
ABOUT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
I'D LIKE A NEW CAREER.
YOU SHOULD DO IT.
YEAH?
MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.
RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING
TO HAVE A BABY.
REALLY?
BUT TIM SAID THAT
YOU AND... BETTE...
YEAH.
WERE A COUPLE.
WE ARE.
OH.
AND I'M TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.
OH, MY GOD, YES. NO. YES.
WELL, EVERYTHING STILL WORKS.
YES.
WE CAN STILL HAVE BABIES.
IT'S JUST LIKE...
THERE WAS, LIKE, A
MOMENTARY BRAIN LAPSE.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY.
HEY.
GAY DADS GROUP.
OH, MY GOD.
THEY MEET ONCE A WEEK
AT A HOUSE OVER ON OGDEN.
IT'S ALL VERY L.A., HUH?
NO, IT'S NICE.
UM, I SHOULD GO HOME AND WRITE.
OKAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR THE ROSEMARY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WE'RE HAVING A PARTY
TOMORROW NIGHT.
OH, YEAH?
YOU AND TIM SHOULD COME.
OKAY. I'LL ASK TIM
IF HE WANTS TO.
NICE MEETING YOU.
IT WAS NICE TO MEET
YOU, TOO, JENNY.
BYE.
[SIGHS]
HEY...
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO
SAY FOR YOURSELF, HUH?
CAN I SEE YOUR LICENSE
AND REGISTRATION?
LOOK, I REALLY GOT TO...
MA'AM.
OKAY. I...
HANG ON. HANG ON.
YOU KNOW, I WAS ON MY
WAY TO MY FIRST PAYING GIG
IN OVER A YEAR.
YOU ARE SO OVERREACTING.
SHE IS OUR FRIEND.
OH! LIKE THAT'S EVER
STOPPED YOU BEFORE.
LIKE THAT'S EVER
STOPPED ANYONE BEFORE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
LESBIANS THINK
FRIENDSHIP'S ANOTHER WORD
FOR FOREPLAY.
[LAUGHS]
HELLO. HOW YOU DOING?
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
THAT EVERY TIME SHANE
WALKS INTO A ROOM,
SOMEONE LEAVES CRYING?
SHANE?
YEAH? HEY...
HEY, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T CALL ME
THE OTHER NIGHT?
I LEFT, LIKE, FIVE MESSAGES.
OH. WELL, YOU KNOW, I
HAVEN'T HAD MY CELL PHONE,
SO WHEN I GO GET MY CELL
PHONE, AND I CHECK MY MESSAGES,
I WILL CALL YOU.
ALL RIGHT?
IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU, THOUGH.
MM-HMM.
YOU TAKE CARE.
IT'S JUST WRONG.
YOU JUST CAN'T TREAT
PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
YOU HAVE TO TELL SHANE...
THAT THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.
OKAY. I'LL TELL HER.
HI.
HI. WELCOME.
[♪♪♪]
BETTE, EVERYONE,
I WANT YOU TO MEET
OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS.
THIS IS TIM...
OH, HI. OH, AND THIS MUST BE...
JENNY.
NICE TO MEET YOU. BETTE.
AND ALICE PIESZECKI
AND SHANE McCUTCHEON.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
EXCUSE ME, ARE
YOU DANA FAIRBANKS?
I'M SORRY. WHAT?
DANA FAIRBANKS.
YES. I AM.
I'M A HUGE FAN.
REALLY?
I SAW YOU ALMOST
BEAT CAPRIOTI LAST YEAR
AT THE WOMEN'S INVITATIONAL.
GREAT. SHE'S GOING
TO BE INSUFFERABLE.
OH, GOD, IT'S JUST ONE FAN.
IT'S OKAY.
JENNY, THIS IS DANA FAIRBANKS.
HI.
SHE'S ONE OF THE BEST PLAYERS
ON THE WOMEN'S TENNIS
CIRCUIT RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS MY DOUBLES
PARTNER, HARRISON LANDY.
UM, HONEY, THIS IS TIM...
TIM.
TIM AND JENNY.
GOOD TO MEET YOU.
JENNY.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FIELD RESEARCH.
YEAH, THERE'S A SCIENTIST
AT THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER
WHO SAYS THAT IF YOUR
RING FINGER IS LONGER
THAN YOUR INDEX FINGER,
IT MEANS YOU'RE A LESBIAN.
MM-HMM.
YEAH. TOTALLY GAY.
WAS THERE EVER ANY DOUBT?
OH, MY GOD, LOOK. I'M GAY, TOO.
THANK GOD.
OTHERWISE I'D HAVE TO LEAVE YOU.
ALICE MAKES THE
TEAM, BUT JUST BARELY.
THIS MAY BE CONTROVERSIAL,
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I
MIGHT BE A LESBIAN, TOO.
OH, THAT'S SO WEIRD.
HER INDEX FINGER AND RING FINGER
ARE EXACTLY THE SAME LENGTH.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
MAYBE SHE'S BISEXUAL.
OH, LOOK, THERE'S SIMON BONHAM.
DANA AND HARRISON, CAN YOU MAKE
TIM AND JENNY A DRINK FOR ME?
YEAH, SURE, SURE, SURE.
UH, DRINKS? KITCHEN?
YEAH. GREAT.
SO TIM, DO YOU PLAY TENNIS?
'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS
LOOKING FOR A LITTLE ACTION.
OKAY, DRINKS.
UH, ACTUALLY, I'M A SWIM COACH.
OH.
ACCORDING TO OUR
COMPUTER, MA'AM,
THIS LICENSE WAS
REVOKED SIX MONTHS AGO.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I
WOULD CALL A TECHNICALITY.
IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL,
I SHOULD HAUL YOU DOWNTOWN
AND THROW YOU IN JAIL.
I WAS ON MY WAY TO
A GIG AT THE ROXY.
YEAH, Y... YOU KNOW IVAN
NEVILLE, HE'S ON THE BILL WITH ME.
WELL, HE AND I WERE
GOING TO CHECK OUT
AN AA MEETING TOGETHER.
IVAN NEVILLE OF THE
NEVILLE BROTHERS?
YEAH.
GOD, I LOVE THE
NEVILLE BROTHERS.
OH. OH, WE...
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
THEM IN CONCERT?
WELL, ONCE, YEARS AGO.
BACK WHEN I WAS
STATIONED IN NEW ORLEANS.
OH... WELL, HAVE YOU
EVER BEEN ON STAGE,
FIVE FEET AWAY
FROM AARON AND HIS
BROTHERS, PERFORMING?
SAY, LIKE, UH, UH...
A MONTH FROM NOW
AT THE HOUSE OF BLUES?
YOU KNOW, I COULD HOOK YOU UP.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
THIS IS STILL REVOKED.
ALL RIGHT?
AND WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE CAR.
LIKE A TOUGH
SORT OF TENNIS PLAYER.
NO, I'D NEVER WEAR...
IT'S TOO MASCULINE FOR ME.
I WOULD NEVER WEAR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
I LIKE IT.
NO, IT LOOKS GREAT
ON HIM, DOESN'T IT?
IT'S KIND OF SEXY.
WOW.
THIS IS VERY... A VERY
INTERESTING PARTY.
OH, THAT'S BECAUSE
BETTE'S A BIG ART WORLD LADY,
SO THERE ARE A LOT OF ARTISTS.
YEAH, AND A LOT OF...
LEZZIES? MM-HMM.
REALLY? ARE THERE REALLY?
YOU KNOW, I HADN'T NOTICED THAT.
YEAH, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO MISS.
TINA TOLD ME THAT SHE AND BETTE
ARE THINKING
ABOUT HAVING A BABY.
MM-HMM.
OH, THERE'S A LOT OF
THAT GOING AROUND.
THEY EVEN HAD TO
CHANGE THAT FAMOUS JOKE.
IT USED TO BE,
"WHAT DO LESBIANS
BRING ON A SECOND DATE?
A MOVING VAN."
NOW IT'S,
"WHAT DO LESBIANS BRING
ON A SECOND DATE?
A TURKEY BASTER."
[DANA LAUGHING FORCIBLY]
THAT'S SO FUNNY.
HONEY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY YOU'D KNOW THAT JOKE.
WHO'S HE BEEN
HANGING OUT WITH, HUH?
EXCUSE ME.
COMMITMENT FROM YOU.
THAT'S REALLY NOT WHAT WE'RE...
EXCUSE ME. HI, I'M SORRY.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
EXCUSE ME, SIMON.
WHAT WAS I THINKING, WHAT?
INVITING THOSE GEEKY
STRAIGHT PEOPLE.
I'M SORRY. NO OFFENSE.
I MEAN, I'VE GOT TO HANG
ON HARRISON ALL NIGHT LONG
LIKE SOME BIG FAT HETERO.
EXCUSE ME, DANA.
WE REALLY LOVE YOU,
BUT IT'S NOT OUR CROSS TO BEAR
THAT YOU AND
HARRISON HAVE DECIDED
TO MASQUERADE AS
OZZIE AND HARRIET.
OKAY?
GREAT. THANKS.
SORRY, SIMON.
SO WHAT WAS I SAYING?
COMMITMENT.
OH, RIGHT, COMMITMENT.
WE WOULDN'T EXPECT
ANY KIND OF COMMITMENT
FROM YOU, FINANCIAL
OR OTHERWISE.
I MEAN, REALLY,
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN
HAVE TO KNOW THE CHILD
IF YOU DIDN'T...
ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE
NICE IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE...
I MEAN, WE WOULD LIKE IT
IF OUR DONOR HAD A RELATIONSHIP
WITH OUR CHILD.
YEAH, BUT YOU'D HAVE TO
SIGN A DONOR CONTRACT
RELINQUISHING ALL
PARENTAL RIGHTS...
WHOA, BETTE, TINA, SLOW DOWN.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO
WASTE YOUR BREATH.
WHAT?
I'M TOTALLY FLATTERED, BUT
I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE IT.
I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN THIS KID TURNS 17,
HIS LIFE'S A COMPLETE MESS,
AND HE HATES BOTH OF YOUR GUTS,
AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
HE'S CAMPED OUT ON MY DOORSTEP
ASKING ME TO SAVE HIM FROM
HIS MISERABLE FUCKING LIFE?
I CAN'T DO THAT.
UM...
[LAUGHING WEAKLY]
BEST FIRST FICTION?
YES.
WOW, ISN'T THAT,
LIKE, A MAJOR PRIZE?
UM, I GUESS SO.
SO, UH, WHAT'S THE STORY ABOUT?
I HAVE THIS, UH, THIS
CHARACTER THAT I WRITE ABOUT
THAT'S SORT OF
LIKE THIS ALTER EGO,
BUT NOT REALLY,
AND THE STORY'S CALLED
"THUS SPOKE SARAH SHUSTER."
THAT'S PRETTY BOLD.
I HOPE YOU'RE GOOD.
UM, JENNY, THIS IS MARINA.
SHE OWNS THE PLANET.
IT'S A LITTLE CAFE
DOWN ON SANTA MONICA...
YEAH, I... I WALKED
BY THE OTHER DAY,
BUT IT WAS TOO CROWDED,
SO I DIDN'T GO IN.
IT GETS REALLY
CROWDED, THANKS TO ALICE
WHO WROTE ME UP IN HER MAGAZINE.
ARE YOU A WRITER?
YEAH, FOR L.A. MAGAZINE.
YEAH, MORE OF A JOURNALIST.
LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM YOU.
I DON'T THINK IT'S DIFFERENT...
JENNY JUST WON
THIS LITERARY PRIZE,
REALLY BIG,
FOR THE STORY SHE
WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT,
"JUST SPOKE" SOMETHING...
OH, "THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA."
THAT'S A NIETZSCHE REFERENCE.
YEAH.
HAS YOUR STORY BEEN PUBLISHED?
YES.
IT'LL BE IN THE NEXT BEST
AMERICAN SHORT STORIES.
RIGHT?
WHICH IS... I DON'T
KNOW IF I TOLD YOU,
BUT I WRITE A LOT
OF "BEST OF" PIECES.
THAT'S WHERE I
DISCOVERED AMY BLOOM.
I READ THIS BEAUTIFUL
STORY SHE WROTE
CALLED, UM...
SILVER WATER.
"COME TO ME."
THAT'S ONE OF MY
FAVORITE COLLECTIONS.
I THINK THAT I'VE PROBABLY READ
EVERYTHING THAT AMY
BLOOM HAS EVER WRITTEN.
I'M ABOUT TO START ON THIS
"BEST COSMETICS UNDER $100."
OH.
THERE'S SUPPOSEDLY
THIS GUY IN CALABASAS
WHO DOES THESE BOTOX
INJECTIONS FOR 75 BUCKS A POP.
OH. ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL?
HAVE YOU READ ANYTHING
BY ANNE CARSON?
"AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF RED..."
"EROS THE BITTERSWEET."
I THINK THOSE BOOKS
PRACTICALLY CHANGED MY LIFE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU.
HAVE YOU READ THEM?
YES.
WOW!
YOU GUYS SHOULD TOTALLY TAKE
THE COSMO ROMANCE
COMPATIBILITY QUIZ.
WELL, THIS WOULD BE MY SINGULAR
ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY QUESTION.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE...
NO, NO, YOUR MOST...
INFLUENTIAL, IMPORTANT,
LIFE-ALTERING BOOK
OF ALL TIME?
I DON'T KNOW IF I
WANT TO ANSWER THAT.
WHAT'S YOURS?
I ASKED YOU FIRST.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
JENNY, YOU COULD
WHISPER YOURS IN THIS EAR,
AND MARINA, YOU
WHISPER YOURS IN THIS EAR,
AND I'LL TELL YOU IF
YOU'RE COMPATIBLE.
[MUTTERING]: I THINK
I ALREADY KNOW.
WHATEVER.
I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU
TWO ALONE TO GET MARRIED.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
BETTE WAS SET ON AN ARTIST,
BUT SHE SAYS THAT YOU
HAVE EXQUISITE TASTE
IN THE WORK THAT YOU
SHOW IN YOUR GALLERY.
I DO.
AW... YOU SAID THAT?
MM-HMM.
I COULDN'T BE MORE FLATTERED.
I KNOW YOU TWO ARE GOING
TO BE WONDERFUL MOTHERS,
AND I BET YOU'LL HAVE GUYS
LINING UP AROUND THE BLOCK,
BEGGING TO JERK OFF FOR YOU.
ROBIN, ARE YOU SETTING
US UP FOR A TURN-DOWN?
BELIEVE ME, IT'S GOT
NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU GUYS.
NO, I HAVE NO RESERVATIONS
ABOUT YOU TWO.
IT'S MY OWN GENETIC
SHORTCOMINGS,
WHICH I WOULDN'T WANT
TO PASS ON TO ANY CHILD.
I MEAN, LOOK HOW
BOW-LEGGED I AM.
IT'S A FAMILY TRAIT.
OH, THAT'S CUTE. WE
COULD LIVE WITH THAT.
I ALSO CARRY THE
GENE FOR BUCK TEETH.
MY MOTHER AND MY
THREE SISTERS ARE ALL...
THERE ARE ALWAYS BRACES.
WE ALSO HAVE A
PROPENSITY FOR SHINGLES,
EARLY ONSET MANIC DEPRESSION.
BOTH TREATABLE.
PREMATURE HAIR LOSS,
AMONG THE WOMEN
AS WELL AS THE MEN...
WE COULD GET ONE OF THOSE...
A WEAVE.
ALSO A HIDEOUS
TENDENCY TO DROOL...
OKAY.
WE GET THE PICTURE.
WE GET IT.
OKAY.
YUP.
THANK YOU.
THANKS, ROBIN.
SURE.
SORRY. GOOD LUCK.
I'M REALLY SORRY
YOU MISSED YOUR GIG.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO ABOUT YOU CAR?
YEAH.
YEAH, DON'T GO
BEATING YOURSELF UP
OVER IT.
YOU ARE ONE DECENT HUMAN BEING,
AND THAT'S RARE IN
THIS SOULLESS TOWN.
KEEP IT REAL.
ALL RIGHT.
NO WAY.
KIT! HI!
HEY, GIRL, WHAT'S UP?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW YOU DOING?
COME ON IN. WELCOME.
YEAH, THANKS, GIRL.
HEY.
THERE YOU ARE.
I'M JUST WAITING
FOR THE WASHROOM.
DO YOU WANT TO...
YOU WERE ON THE
OLYMPIC SWIM TEAM?
YEAH, I WAS.
THIS IS AMAZING.
I HAVE A PROJECT ABOUT
COMPETITIVE SWIMMING,
BUT WE HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO CRACK THE STORY.
WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED?
THERE WAS THIS ONE
INCREDIBLY DRAMATIC THING
THAT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS
SWIMMING FOR U OF CHICAGO.
WE HAD THIS ONE GUY ON THE TEAM
THAT WAS PROBABLY
THE BEST SWIMMER...
TIM, TAKE ME HOME.
JEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET...
I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME HOME NOW.
EXCUSE ME.
YEAH, SURE.
UM, LOOK, OBVIOUSLY,
I... I HAVE TO GO.
IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU.
YEAH, YOU, TOO. THANK YOU.
OKAY. IS YOUR SISTER, LIKE,
THE COOLEST PERSON ON EARTH
OR WHAT?
WHAT'S KIT DOING HERE?
YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE.
JEN, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CONVERSATION.
DO YOU WANT TO AT LEAST
TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?
I FELT WEIRD.
THAT'S PRETTY VAGUE, JEN,
EVEN FOR YOU.
YOU FELT WEIRD.
WHAT ARE YOU...
JEN, COME ON.
WE NEED TO TALK.
JEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
J...
JEN...
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME
WHY YOU'RE NOT AT YOUR GIG
AT THE ROXY?
WELL, THAT WAS SOMETHING I
CAME OVER HERE TO TELL YOU...
BETTE, YOU NEVER TOLD ME
THAT KIT PORTER WAS YOUR SISTER.
WOW.
MY HALF-SISTER.
GUESS WHICH HALF.
THAT IS EXTREMELY COOL.
JEREMY BLOCK. I SAID HI EARLIER.
I SAW YOU PLAY A
COUPLE YEARS AGO
AT THE HOLLYWOOD ROOSEVELT.
YOU... YOU'RE AWESOME.
OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE VERY KIND.
NO, REALLY.
WE'RE PUTTING TOGETHER
THE SOUNDTRACK
TO A PICTURE I'M PRODUCING.
WE'RE WORKING
WITH A BUNCH OF CLASSIC
JAZZ AND BLUES LADIES,
AND I GUARANTEE HE
WILL COMPLETELY DIG YOU.
WELL, I WAS ABOUT TO
GET INTO SOMETHING, HERE,
WITH MY BABY SISTER...
I'M SURE IT CAN WAIT.
I'VE GOT A HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE.
WELL, COME ON.
THE PARTY'S IN THE BACK ROOM
AT LES DEUX.
ARE YOU SURE?
IT'S A POTENTIAL GIG. YOU
SHOULD DEFINITELY GO.
OKAY.
YEAH, WELL, HEY,
WHY DON'T I RIDE WITH YOU?
SURE.
[YAWNING]
WHAT AN EGO BRUISER.
THREE TURN-DOWNS IN ONE NIGHT.
IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH OUR PITCH?
IT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH YOU GUYS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S...
IT'S THE NEW MALE.
WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MEN?
I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER
EVEN BEEN WITH A MAN.
WELL, THE NEW MALE
IS MORE SPIRITUAL
THAN THE OLD MALE.
YOU KNOW, HE SEES HIS SPERM
AS AN EXTENSION
OF HIS INNER BEING.
WHEREAS THE OLD MALE
SHOT INTO ANY FEMALE
WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN,
THE NEW MALE TOTALLY CARES
WHAT BECOMES OF HIS SEED.
OH, MY GOD, IT'S YODA.
YEAH, THEY TEACH THAT
AT HAIRDRESSER SCHOOL,
BY THE WAY.
WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
WHY DID THEY HAVE TO
GET ALL SENSITIVE ON US
JUST WHEN WE NEEDED THEM
TO KEEP ON BEING THE
SAME OLD ASSHOLES?
I DON'T KNOW.
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO GO.
DON'T GO.
GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.
BYE.
BYE.
SHE'S TOTALLY GOING
HOME WITH THAT GIRL.
I'M SORRY.
OH, MY GOD. GET OFF OF ME.
HARRISON, THE PARTY'S OVER.
WE CAN GO BACK TO BEING GAY.
I'VE GOT TO GO.
YOU GUYS NEED HELP CLEANING UP?
WE GOT IT.
YEAH, SONIA'S
COMING IN TOMORROW.
OKAY, GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.
GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
BYE-BYE.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH, SHIT.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN OUT HERE?
I COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
YOU WERE TOTALLY OUT.
YEAH, WELL, SOMEBODY
WORE ME OUT.
I CAME OUT HERE AROUND 3:00...
IN THE MORNING,
AND THEN I STARTED TO WRITE,
AND THAT WAS SO SCARY.
IT'S A WHOLE NEW PLACE, JEN.
IT'S JUST GOING TO
TAKE YOU AWHILE
TO FIND YOUR GROOVE.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER TOLD ME
WHY YOU WERE SO
UPSET LAST NIGHT.
UM...
BECAUSE I WAS
JUST A LITTLE DRUNK.
I HOPE I DIDN'T RUIN YOUR NIGHT.
NO, I THINK IT TURNED OUT
PRETTY WELL.
OKAY.
WHAT DID YOU THINK?
YEAH.
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
LET'S GET THOSE BUTTS
UP OUT OF THE SADDLE
AND GET ON THE ROAD.
THAT FUCKING PARTY
MADE ME SO DEPRESSED.
WE HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE MONTH
BEFORE ANOTHER INSEMINATION.
AT LEAST YOU HAVE
SOMEBODY TO WAIT WITH.
AT LEAST THERE'S
SOMEBODY IN BED NEXT TO YOU
WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN
THE MORNING, YOU KNOW?
NOW, EVERYONE, DROP YOUR HEADS,
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND
SET YOUR INTENTIONS.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
TO GOSSIP WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
TO CHANGE YOUR BODY?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET
OUT OF THE NEXT 40 MINUTES?
A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR
SPECTACULAR TITS
WOULD BE NICE.
SO GO FOR IT.
NO!
BESIDES, SHE'S STRAIGHT.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE I'M SO ATTRACTED TO HER.
EVERY TIME I'M
ATTRACTED TO SOMEBODY,
SHE'S EITHER UNAVAILABLE
OR STRAIGHT.
DANA!
JENNY!
HEY.
HEY, ARE YOU HERE BY YOURSELF?
YEAH. I AM BY MYSELF,
BUT I'M GOING TO GO HOME
AND MAKE A SANDWICH.
OH, NO, WE'VE GOT A TABLE.
COME SIT WITH US.
OKAY. OKAY.
THIS INSTRUCTOR
RECOMMENDED THIS WORKSHOP
CALLED ALL WRITE, W-R-I-T-E...
AND THIS INSTRUCTOR
MEETS WITH YOU
AND DOES THIS THING
CALLED BODYWORK,
YOU KNOW, TO HELP
YOU GET IN TOUCH
WITH YOUR INNER VOICE,
WHICH I THOUGHT WAS WEIRD.
HEY...
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD
CHECK OUT MY MAGAZINE,
BECAUSE WE SOMETIMES
DO THESE RESOURCE LISTS
FOR THE CREATIVE COMMUNITY.
OH, OKAY.
OR, YOU KNOW, UCLA
MIGHT BE YOUR BEST BET.
NO. I DON'T WANT TO...
I DON'T WANT TO
GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
MARINA HAS A READING GROUP.
YOU GUYS MET THE OTHER NIGHT.
HI, JENNY.
HEY...
SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PLANET?
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S NICE.
YOU WANT TO COME
TO MY READING GROUP?
YES.
THAT MEANS I CAN READ
ONE OF YOUR STORIES.
YOU CAN READ ANYTHING YOU WANT.
YOU KNOW, ANYTHING.
OH, SHIT.
OH, GOD, IT'S LATE.
YOU KNOW, I, UH, I'M
STARTING A NEW TOUR,
SO I SHOULD GO PRACTICE.
I'M GOING TO FOLLOW
YOU GUYS OUT.
JENNY, GOOD LUCK.
YES. THANK YOU.
I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE FOUND
WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.
BYE, ALICE.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE
YOU. YOU'LL BE OKAY?
YEAH, I'M GOOD.
OF COURSE SHE'S OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT?
NO, I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.
I, UH...
I HOPE I DIDN'T UPSET
YOU THE OTHER NIGHT...
NO...
YOU DIDN'T UPSET ME.
I JUST, UH, I CAME HERE
TO SAY THAT I'M NOT...
I'M NOT...
A BIG COFFEE DRINKER?
I HAVE TO GO.
I HAVE TO GO.
TIM IS GOING TO BE HOME AT 5:00.
SO...
IT... IT'S ONLY 2:00.
SO I NEED...
DON'T GET SO
UPSET. IT'S ONLY 2:00.
I KNOW, BUT I
NEED TO BE THERE...
WHEN HE CALLS, OKAY?
OKAY.
I'LL WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR.
OKAY.
YEAH?
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
FOR WHAT?
TURNING YOU INTO A SPEED FREAK?
IS THIS YOUR CAR?
YES.
I MEAN, THIS IS TIM'S CAR.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
A MUSCLE CAR.
IT'S SEXY.
ARE YOU BUSY TOMORROW NIGHT?
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO RADAR?
WHAT'S RADAR?
IT'S A SPECIAL NIGHT WE
DO HERE ON TUESDAYS.
RIGHT.
UM...
NO, THANK YOU.
OKAY.
CALL ME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
OKAY.
I COULD DO THIS. YES.
AND YOU HAVE NO
PROBLEM WITH THE CONCEPT
OF BRINGING A CHILD
INTO THE WORLD
AND HAVING ABSOLUTELY NO SAY
AS TO HOW HE OR SHE IS RAISED?
I MUST HAVE CHILDREN
ALL OVER THE WORLD.
NOW, WHY WOULD I HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THIS ONE?
I WILL SIGN THE
DONOR'S CONTRACT NOW.
JEAN PAUL, I DON'T
MEAN TO BE RUDE
OR ANYTHING,
BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY,
UH, MEDICAL PROBLEMS,
ANY HISTORY OF
FAMILY ILLNESSES, OR...
HEALTH IS EXCELLENT
IN THE CHAMOIS FAMILY.
JEAN PAUL, I KNOW YOU SAY
THAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE
WITH ALL OF THIS,
BUT JUST THINK
ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE.
WHERE IS THIS CONTRACT?
MM-HMM, AND WHEN WE DO THIS?
WHEN TINA'S NEXT OVULATING.
YOU WANT TO DO
THIS HERE IN MY BED?
BON. BON.
OR YOU WANT ME TO COME TO YOU?
UH...
UM...
WHEREVER YOU WANT.
WE'LL GIVE YOU A STERILE CUP.
I MEAN, OR IF YOU PREFER,
IF YOU NEED YOUR PRIVACY,
I CAN COME BACK LATER
AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED
AND PICK IT UP.
CUP?
WHAT IS THIS CUP?
OH, IT'S A SPECIMEN CUP.
YOU EJACULATE INTO IT.
OH, NO, NO, NO, WE
DON'T DO THAT WAY.
WE DO AS A MAN AND A WOMAN.
OH, JEAN PAUL, I'M SORRY,
I JUST THOUGHT YOU
UNDERSTOOD THAT...
DO YOU WANT IT TO BE ALL THREE?
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE FINE.
IT IS GOING TO BE
YOUR BABY, TOO.
NO.
NO? JUST ME AND HER THEN. BON.
JEAN PAUL, NOT ONLY
ARE WE MONOGAMOUS,
WE DON'T SLEEP WITH MEN.
BUT TO HAVE A BABY,
THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.
IT'S JUST NOT AN
OPTION FOR US, OKAY?
BUT FOR ME, IT IS
THE ONLY OPTION.
AN OBLIGATION.
I COULD NOT BRING A
BABY INTO THIS WORLD
WHO WAS NOT CONCEIVED
THROUGH THE PASSIONATE...
MM, MM...
BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.
HEY!
THE PENIS. THE PUSSY. THE BABY.
YOU KNOW?
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
ZE PENIS, ZE PUSSY, ZE BABY?
OH, GOD, I SWEAR...
COME ON, TEE, IT'S FUNNY.
I'M SORRY, I DON'T
FIND IT FUNNY.
WELL, TRY.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO
HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR
ABOUT THESE THINGS.
OH, WELL, I GUESS
YOU'LL JUST TAKE CARE OF
THAT FOR THE BOTH OF US.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
WHAT? WHAT AM I DOING?
WE'VE GOT MARY
AND WE'VE GOT TRISH
AND I THINK WE...
HEY, RANDY.
HEY.
HEY.
WOW. YOU LOOK AMAZING.
THANKS.
DAMN.
I THINK I'M GOING TO DITCH RANDY
AND TAKE YOU OUT MYSELF.
DO YOU WANT TO COME?
'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
A SHITLOAD OF WORK TO DO,
BUT YOU DO LOOK GREAT.
THANK YOU.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE LATE.
OKAY.
OKAY.
GOOD-BYE.
BYE, RANDY.
GOODNIGHT.
WHERE'S SHE OFF TO
ALL DOLLED UP LIKE THAT?
UH, THE PLANET.
THEY'RE HAVING SOME KIND OF
SPECIAL PARTY OR SOMETHING.
AND YOU'RE LETTING HER GO ALONE?
I'M MAKING HER GO.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW
THAT MANY PEOPLE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW IT,
BUT SHE'S KIND OF A RECLUSE.
UH...
HI.
HELLO, JENNY.
UH...
IT'S ALL WOMEN.
OH, YEAH, RADAR
IS A WOMEN'S PARTY.
SORRY. SORRY.
THAT'S THE ONE
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HOT. SO HOT.
HI.
HI, JENNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
COMING OUT TONIGHT.
YEAH, MARINA INVITED ME.
HEY, HEY.
HELLO.
I THOUGHT SHE'D LIKE RADAR.
BETTE'S SISTER KIT
DOES A POETRY NIGHT.
I THINK YOU'D ENJOY IT.
UM...
WHERE IS BETTE?
SHE'S AT WORK.
THEY'RE STILL FIGHTING.
OH, MY GOD, THERE ARE
SO MANY HOT GIRLS HERE.
[WHISTLES]
HI.
HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD.
I'M GOING TO GO PLAY POOL,
SO SEE YOU ALL LATER.
YOU SHOULD HAVE HIT ON HER
WHEN WE FIRST CAME IN.
I DON'T GET IT.
I MEAN, WHAT DOES SHANE
HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE?
IT HAS TO DO WITH HER ATTITUDE.
I'VE GOT ATTITUDE.
IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S
SO WITHHOLDING.
NO.
IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S SO CONFIDENT.
NO, IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S STUPID,
AND STUPID PEOPLE ARE
TOO DUMB TO BE INSECURE.
DANA, SHE'S YOUR FRIEND.
IT'S CONFIDENCE, OKAY?
I'M TELLING YOU.
AND IT'S BECAUSE OF HER NIPPLES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S
BECAUSE OF HER NIPPLES?
SHE HAS THE BEST
NIPPLES IN TOWN,
AND SHE KNOWS IT.
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
SHE HAS NIPPLE CONFIDENCE.
THEY ARE NICE.
YEAH, THEY'RE SMALL
AND THEY'RE PERFECTLY FORMED.
I WONDER IF I COULD SELL A
STORY ON L.A.'S BEST NIPPLES.
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, RIGHT?
I THINK I'LL JUST WANDER
AROUND FOR A BIT.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M GOOD.
HI, THERE.
NO, THANK YOU.
THE TOTAL IS...
$77.83, SO I GIVE
YOU THE CARD...
HERE, AND I HAVE TO DO THIS...
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO SIGN IT.
THANK YOU.
THANKS, GUYS.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
OKAY, WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?
I'LL DO THAT.
OKAY.
SO DO YOU LIKE
LIVING IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?
UM, I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S OKAY, I GUESS.
YOU DON'T MIND THAT THERE ARE
A LOT OF HOMOS AND STUFF AROUND?
WHAT?
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
THEY SEEM PRETTY COOL TO ME,
BUT AREN'T THEY ALWAYS, LIKE,
CHECKING OUT YOUR
BOYFRIEND AND STUFF?
NO.
CUSTOMER.
OH, MY GOD.
PAGE ME IF YOU NEED HELP.
COME ON.
I WANT TO SEE YOU CHECK ME OUT.
OKAY.
I'M SORRY...
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE...
I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT LIKE THAT.
I FEEL REALLY SILLY.
I FEEL REALLY, REALLY SILLY,
AND I THINK I KIND
OF FREAKED OUT,
AND NOT BECAUSE IT
WAS A GAY BAR, OKAY?
BUT BECAUSE I HAD
ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA
WHAT I WAS DOING
THERE, YOU KNOW?
OKAY, UM...
THE TOTAL IS $54.05.
I HOPE THEY OVERPAY
THEIR EMPLOYEES
AS MUCH AS THEY
OVERCHARGE THEIR CUSTOMERS.
DO YOU WANT TO COME
TO MY READING GROUP?
IT'S ONE WEEK FROM MONDAY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO CHECK WITH TIM.
THERE YOU GO.
UM, MARINA...
IS YOUR READING
GROUP A GAY GROUP?
NO.
THERE ARE STRAIGHT PEOPLE.
YOU LOOK CUTE WITH
THE LITTLE APRON ON.
OH. YES. OKAY.
I'M SORRY.
WE GET TOGETHER ONCE A MONTH.
FIVE COUPLES.
$50 PER COUPLE IS OUR LIMIT.
REALLY?
JENNY AND I BELONGED TO A GAME
BACK IN CHICAGO.
SHE'S NOT A VERY
GOOD CHEATER, THOUGH.
I AM NOT A CHEATER.
EXCUSE ME?
I AM NOT A CHEATER.
TIM LIKES TO SAY
THAT I'M A CHEATER,
BECAUSE TIM IS ALWAYS LOSING,
RIGHT, TIM?
COME ON, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
NOT NEVER, ANYWAY.
ONCE I WENT OUT UP
THREE WHOLE DOLLARS.
YOU GUYS SHOULD
COME TOMORROW NIGHT.
WE CAN ALWAYS MAKE
ROOM FOR ANOTHER COUPLE,
RIGHT?
COOL.
WHAT TIME DO YOU GUYS START?
UM, I CAN'T.
I HAVE THAT BOOK CLUB THING.
SO JUST CALL AND CANCEL.
I MEAN, THIS WILL BE FUN.
MAYBE WE CAN BECOME REGULARS.
I COMMITTED.
SO UN-COMMIT.
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ONCE A MONTH,
AND I'VE BEEN REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
OH, GOD, YOU REALLY
WANT ME TO CANCEL?
NO.
GO ON.
UM, WE WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
JUST KEEP US IN MIND, THOUGH.
SURE, MAN.
HEY.
HEY.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
HANGING THE SHOW.
ANNIE'S GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
I THOUGHT WE COULD SPEND
THE REST OF THE
EVENING TOGETHER.
OH.
I NEED EXERCISE.
I'M FEELING A LITTLE TENSE.
FINE.
I GUESS I SHOULD
HAVE CALLED FIRST.
YEAH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT CAROLYN SEE
IS IN YOUR GROUP.
I KNOW.
A GREAT MIND IS SUCH A TURN-ON.
I'M SO HAPPY THAT I CAME.
I FEEL VERY, VERY
INSPIRED TONIGHT.
GOOD, THAT'S
WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
YES.
MAYBE NEXT TIME
YOU'LL READ ONE OF YOUR STORIES.
NO.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE...
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.
TINA. HI.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M JUST EXORCISING SOME DEMONS.
YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
I DO?
YEAH.
YOU'RE GETTING GREAT DEFINITION
RIGHT HERE.
YOUR LATISSIMUS DORSI.
THEY'RE REALLY STARTING TO POP.
ARE YOU GETTING A GOOD STRETCH
IN YOUR HIP FLEXORS?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
BETTE CAME HOME
JUST TO BE WITH ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WAS THINKING.
TINA...
I'M STARTING TO SEE
SOME PRIVATE CLIENTS
VERY SELECTIVELY.
LET ME KNOW IF
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
YEAH.
I WILL.
GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT.
I HAD A REALLY GREAT TIME.
GOOD. I'M GLAD.
HAVE SWEET DREAMS.
LOOK, IF YOU REALLY WANT
TO GO BACK TO DAN FOXWORTHY,
THAT'S FINE BY ME.
I'LL MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE FREE.
JUST MAKE THE APPOINTMENT
AND TELL ME WHEN IT IS.
TOMORROW AT 3:15.
I WAS GOING TO
SEE HIM BY MYSELF,
BUT I'D RATHER YOU COME WITH ME.
TO JENNY BEING IN L.A.
THANK YOU.
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I MISSED YOU A LOT.
I MISSED YOU, TOO.
AREN'T THEY CUTE?
ADORABLE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S ORDER.
ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU GUYS STILL FIGHTING?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.
CAN YOU JUST GET
THEM TO GRILL IT?
MY WIFE DOESN'T SEEM TO
THINK I NEED ALL THAT BREADING.
YOU DON'T.
HE DOESN'T.
YOU'RE GETTING A PAUNCH.
OOH.
HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
HI.
OH, MAN.
THAT GIRL IS SO HOT.
SHE DOESN'T REALLY
LOOK LIKE SHE'S GAY.
RANDY.
WHAT?
MARINA'S NOT GAY, IS SHE?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I THINK SHE'S WITH THAT
BLONDE WITH THE CUTE HAIRCUT.
YOU THINK SHE'S CUTE?
CUTE.
NOW, I DIDN'T SAY I
WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HER.
I JUST SAID SHE'S...
WELL, I...
I LIKE THE ONE WHO
LOOKS LIKE A ROCK STAR.
IF I HAD TO BE WITH A WOMAN,
I THINK SHE'D BE MY TYPE.
I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.
WINE'S NOT BAD, HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THE SAME THING
YOU'RE DOING HERE,
I IMAGINE.
WELL, I'M FINDING IT
VERY DISTRACTING.
DO YOU?
I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
STOP IT.
I HAVE TO GO.
HEY.
STOPPED AT THE PLANET,
GOT YOU A CUP OF COFFEE.
"SHE DRIFTED ACROSS THE EXPANSE,
"LIFTED THE FIRST VEIL.
THE AIR ITSELF..."
I'M SORRY.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M JUST A LITTLE TENSE.
YOU GO OFF TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY
AND YOU HAVE YOUR
WHOLE DEAL WORKED OUT.
AND, UM...
I'M NOT QUITE SURE
WHAT I'M DOING IN L.A.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING WELL.
I MEAN, YOU'RE WRITING.
YOU'RE WORKING, A
JOB THAT YOU WANTED,
AND YOU EVEN MADE A
FEW NEW FRIENDS, RIGHT?
I JUST FEEL
LIKE IT'S KIND OF A
LITTLE SCARY RIGHT NOW.
FEELING A BIT, UM...
OVERWHELMED.
DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.
I'M NOT THE ENEMY.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
YOU COULDN'T BE
MORE SUPPORTIVE OF ME.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
YOU WANT TO GET THAT?
HELLO?
HI.
UH...
YEAH. HOW ARE YOU?
OH, OKAY.
YES, NO PROBLEM.
OKAY. OKAY.
BYE.
UM...
THAT WAS, UH...
THAT WAS MARINA.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
DINNER ON SATURDAY NIGHT.
WE DON'T HAVE PLANS,
DO WE?
BECAUSE IF WE DO, I
CAN RESCHEDULE THEM.
NO, GO AHEAD. FINE.
WE WERE JUST GOING
TO GET TOGETHER
AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT THE BOOK CLUB...
BUT, TIM, I THINK I
SHOULD CALL HER BACK
AND TELL HER THAT YOU AND I
NEED TO SPEND
SOME TIME TOGETHER.
JENNY...
I HAVE A BASKETBALL GAME
WITH THE DEPARTMENT HEADS
SATURDAY NIGHT.
GO. HAVE DINNER WITH MARINA.
IT'S FINE.
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
SHE SAID SHE WAS COMING.
IT WAS KIND OF LAST
MINUTE, THOUGH.
SO YOU THINK SHE MIGHT
NOT BE SHOWING UP?
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE WE SHOULD SPEND A
LITTLE TIME TALKING ABOUT YOU.
[DOOR OPENS]
I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT I
HAVE A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE.
SO DON'T MAKE THIS EASY ON ME.
I HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT DONOR.
WHO?
MARCUS ALLENWOOD.
HE'S AN ARTIST,
AND HE'S JUST BEEN SELECTED
FOR THE NEXT WHITNEY BIENNIAL.
I HAD A SERIOUS CONVERSATION
WITH HIM.
BUT I'VE NEVER MET HIM.
NO, BUT I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT
YOU AND I ARE LOOKING FOR,
AND HE IS SO PERFECT.
HE EVEN HAS A KID,
SO WE KNOW HE CAN
GET SOMEONE PREGNANT.
I'VE NEVER MET HIM.
YOU WILL MEET HIM TOMORROW.
HE'S COMING BY
THE HOUSE AT 11:00,
AND YOU'RE TAKING
HIM TO THE CRYOBANK.
HE'S LEAVING THE NEXT DAY
FOR COLOGNE.
HE'S IN A GROUP SHOW.
TEE, HE'S WILLING
TO DO THIS FOR US
SO WE CAN HAVE THE SPERM ON ICE
FOR WHEN YOU'RE NEXT OVULATING.
IT'LL BE THERE
WHEN WE WANT TO USE IT.
MARCUS?
TINA, RIGHT?
UM...
I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING
OUT OF THE BEDROOM,
AND, UH...
HAVE A SEAT.
AND THEN WE'LL GO
TO THE CRYOBANK.
OKAY.
FUCK.
READY?
TINA,
DID BETTE NOT TELL
YOU I WAS BLACK?
NO, NOT AT ALL,
BUT, I MEAN, SHE
DIDN'T NOT TELL ME,
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
MATTER EITHER WAY.
RIGHT?
I CAN'T ANSWER THAT FOR YOU.
NO.
UH, OKAY.
ARE YOU READY TO GO?
LET'S DO IT.
HI.
I'M TINA KENNARD,
AND I'M HERE WITH MY FRIEND.
HE'S HERE TO MAKE A...
DEPOSIT.
MARCUS, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
IT SAYS HERE YOU'VE
RECENTLY BEEN HIV TESTED.
I HAVE ALL MY PAPERWORK.
THEN HERE'S ALL
YOU NEED FROM ME.
THE BATHROOM IS DOWN THE HALL
ON THE LEFT,
AND THERE ARE MAGAZINES IN THERE
IF YOU NEED ANY ENCOURAGEMENT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WOW.
THAT'S A PRETTY SERIOUS
DECISION TO MAKE.
ISN'T IT?
YOU MUST HAVE GIVEN
IT A LOT OF THOUGHT,
BECAUSE REALLY BIG MEN LIKE THAT
TEND TO MAKE REALLY BIG BABIES.
YOU'LL PROBABLY BE
LOOKING AT A C-SECTION.
HI.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY. SHE'S, UH...
SHE'S IN THE BACK.
BYE. SEE YOU.
SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I GOT THIS VAGUE BUT
URGENT MESSAGE FROM ALICE.
GREAT.
YOU PUT ME IN A FUCKING
AWKWARD POSITION.
HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME
THAT MARCUS ALLENWOOD IS BLACK?
GOD, I...
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE.
I...
I JUST DIDN'T THINK
IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU
TO USE A BLACK DONOR.
I DIDN'T SAY I DIDN'T
WANT A BLACK DONOR.
I JUST THINK WE SHOULD
HAVE DISCUSSED IT.
WE ABSOLUTELY
DISCUSSED IT, TINA.
RIGHT IN THE VERY BEGINNING,
WE SAID THAT IF YOU
WERE GOING TO BE
THE BIRTH MOTHER,
THAT WE SHOULD CONSIDER FINDING
AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN DONOR.
THAT WAY, THE CHILD WOULD
BE MORE LIKE OUR CHILD.
BUT I WASN'T PREPARED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OTHER THAN...
BEING COMMITTED TO SPENDING
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME,
WHAT MORE DO YOU
NEED TO DO TO PREPARE?
LOOK AT ME, BETTE.
I DON'T FEEL QUALIFIED TO
BE THE MOTHER OF A CHILD
WHO'S HALF AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT MEANS TO BE BLACK.
I THINK I CAN MAKE
A CONTRIBUTION
IN THAT DEPARTMENT.
AND DON'T YOU THINK, ON
TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,
TO ALSO HAVE TWO MOMS,
THAT IS A LOT OF OTHERNESS
TO PUT ON ONE CHILD?
YOUR REACTION TO
MARCUS ALLENWOOD,
HOWEVER HONEST
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN,
COMES ACROSS TO BETTE
LIKE A REJECTION
OF HER IDENTITY.
I LOVE BETTE,
AND I LOVE WHO SHE IS.
I JUST WASN'T READY
FOR HOW I WOULD REACT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SAYS TO ME?
THAT WE'RE NOT READY TO
HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER?
"BECAUSE SARAH SHUSTER CAME DOWN
"AND NOW SHE REVILES YOU
LIKE YOU REVILE
YOUR OWN CRAVING."
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU SCARE ME SOMETIMES.
I SEE YOU GOING
RIGHT TO THAT EDGE,
AND I THINK I'VE LOST YOU,
AND THEN YOU COME BACK WITH...
AND I KNOW WHY YOU HAD
TO DISAPPEAR ON ME LIKE THAT.
I'M SO FUCKING PROUD
TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.
I'M SO PROUD TO
HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.
DO YOU KNOW THAT?
THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANTED TO GET THIS
AFTERNOON BEFORE MY GAME.
I'M GOING TO GO DO THAT.
HMM. I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT TIME DOES MILK START?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
ASK DANA TO GO?
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS
ARE JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO WORK THAT OUT.
WELL, I'M SURE SHANE'S
GOING TO BE THERE.
YEAH, WHY NOT?
OF COURSE SHE IS.
OH, REALLY?
HOLD ON.
WHERE YOU GOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
DOESN'T THE
PROGRAM START AT 7:30?
YEP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME.
YOU CAN GO OUT
WITH ALICE AND SHANE
IF YOU WANT.
SHIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T GO.
YEAH, BETTE'S GIVING
AN ART TALK AT THE C.A.C.
YEAH. NO.
ALL RIGHT. HAVE FUN. BYE.
WHEN SHE LOOKS AT YOU,
SHE'S NOT LOOKING
AT A BLACK WOMAN
OR A WHITE WOMAN.
SHE'S LOOKING AT
THE WOMAN SHE LOVES.
SHE SEES WHAT SHE WANTS TO SEE.
MAYBE SHE SEES
WHAT YOU LET HER SEE.
I MEAN, MAYBE THIS
WASN'T IMPORTANT BEFORE.
MAYBE WHAT'S WORKED BEST
FOR YOU ALL THESE YEARS,
GETTING YOUR PRETTY THINGS
AND, YOU KNOW,
PUTTING TOGETHER
YOUR PRETTY LIFE,
IS THAT YOU LET PEOPLE
SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?
NOTHING.
JUST...
MAYBE IT'S BEEN EASIER
FOR YOU THAT WAY.
THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S REALLY NICE.
OH, COME ON. DON'T WALK OUT.
OH, COME ON, GIRL.
DON'T WALK OUT OF HERE.
DON'T WALK OUT
OF HERE LIKE THIS.
WE'VE GOT TO STOP
DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER.
WE?
OKAY, I'VE GOT TO STOP DOING IT.
I'M THE ONE THAT
ALWAYS RAN AWAY, OKAY?
BUT DON'T DO WHAT I DID.
STAY, HEAR ME OUT,
BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO SAY
WHAT YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SAY.
THERE'S...
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
THAT CUTS ACROSS
ALL OUR REALITIES.
IT'S LOVE,
THE BRIDGE BETWEEN
ALL OUR DIFFERENCES,
AND YOU HAVE SO
MUCH LOVE IN YOUR LIFE.
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO
TEAR DOWN THAT BRIDGE?
WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
SO YOU CALLED SHANE, RIGHT?
I THOUGHT YOU DID.
I THOUGHT YOU DID.
I TOLD YOU TO CALL HER.
I SWEAR YOU SAID
YOU WERE CALLING.
NO, I SAID, "YOU CALL HER."
HOW DO WE DRAW THE LINE
THAT SIGNIFIES WHETHER AN
IMAGE READS AS PORNOGRAPHY?
I MEAN, WHO GETS TO
SAY WHAT PASSES AS ART
AND WHAT IS OBSCENITY?
THE DEBATE
HAS BEEN TAKEN
UP BY LAURIE PAPOU
IN A SERIES OF PAINTINGS
ENTITLED A GROUP OF SEVEN.
PLEASE WELCOME LAURIE.
[APPLAUSE]
SO, LAURIE,
TO WHAT EXTENT IS
THIS BODY OF WORK
MEANT TO BE READ AS A NARRATIVE?
SHE'S AWESOME, YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
SHE IS, ISN'T SHE?
SOMETIMES I FORGET.
YOU TWO ARE A REALLY
BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.
I MEAN THAT.
YOU'RE REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
WHY IS IT SO DEPRESSING?
BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME FACES,
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT,
WEEK AFTER WEEK.
FLOATING CLUBS, FLOATING GIRLS.
OH.
SHE'S CUTE.
SHE'S BEEN WITH TWO OF MY EXES.
I'M STAYING OUT OF
THAT VICIOUS CYCLE.
IT'S AMAZING.
THIS IS WHERE I COME
WHEN I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.
SOMETIMES WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP,
I...
LIE DOWN RIGHT HERE
AND I WATCH THE SUN RISE.
THIS IS VULGAR, I KNOW,
BUT THE TWO OF YOU
ARE JUST SO FUCKING SEXY.
NO OFFENSE.
IT'S HARD TO TAKE
OFFENSE AT THAT.
I'M GOING TO GET A DRINK.
CAN I GET EITHER
OF YOU ANYTHING?
I'M GOOD, THANKS.
NO, THANKS. I'M FINE.
ALL RIGHT.
SEE?
HE'S HITTING ON US.
HE IS.
GOD, THAT HASN'T
HAPPENED IN A WHILE.
I HAVE A THOUGHT.
IT MIGHT BE CRAZY.
WHAT?
I KNOW YOU'RE OVULATING.
DO YOU THINK HE'S ATTRACTIVE?
IS HE A GOOD ARTIST?
WHO CARES?
WHAT ABOUT DAN FOXWORTHY?
OH, FUCK DAN FOXWORTHY.
IT'S OUR LIFE.
WE DON'T NEED HIS PERMISSION
TO DO WHAT WE
THINK IS RIGHT FOR US.
AND YOU'RE OKAY...
I WANT TO HAVE A BABY WITH YOU,
AND IF WE MAKE IT TOGETHER,
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME
TO KNOW IT'S OUR BABY.
OKAY.
YEAH?
YEAH.
YOU SURE?
YEAH.
SHE'S NOT MY TYPE.
SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S
BEEN AROUND THE
BLOCK A FEW TIMES,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
OH, OH, OH.
NOW, SHE'S CUTE,
AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HER BEFORE.
IS IT POSSIBLE?
FRESH MEAT.
NEW BLOOD.
CRISPY.
UH-UH.
JUST LOOK AT ME, OKAY?
[♪♪♪]
TINA,
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE BETTE WET?
IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE
IF YOU MADE LOVE TO TINA
WHILE I'M MAKING LOVE TO YOU.
IT'S NOT GOING TO
HAPPEN THAT WAY.
HOW IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN?
I THINK YOU SHOULD
MAKE LOVE TO TINA
WHILE TINA MAKES LOVE TO ME.
OKAY, THAT'S COOL.
WHY DON'T YOU TWO...
LIE DOWN?
WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT?
IN YOUR HAND.
IT'S A CONDOM, OTHERWISE
KNOWN AS A RUBBER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH IT?
WELL, SOME WOULD SAY
I'M BEING CONSIDERATE.
WE DON'T WANT YOU TO USE IT.
WHY?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
WE JUST DON'T. OKAY?
OH, MAN.
THAT'S GREAT.
WHENEVER DYKES WANT
TO HAVE SEX WITH A GUY,
IT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY'RE
TRYING TO STEAL HIS SPERM?
IT AIN'T HAPPENING, GUYS.
BYE, GUYS.
SEE YOU.
GIVE ME A CALL LATER.
OH, YEAH.
WANT TO COME TO MY PLACE?
OH, PLEASE.
I'M NOT THAT DESPERATE.
FUCK YOU, ALICE.
NEITHER AM I.
DANA!
WHAT?
I'M JUST...
I DON'T WANT TO BE
ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
WHO SLEEPS WITH HER FRIENDS.
NEITHER DO I.
RIGHT, OKAY.
LET'S NOT HAVE SEX.
NO, NEVER.
OKAY.
NEVER.
THAT WAS REALLY CRAZY.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A GENIUS PLAN.
YOU DID?
YEAH.
WERE YOU TURNED ON BY HIM?
NO.
THIS IS YOU.
JENNY?
THAT YOU?
I'M COMING.
YOU SMELL DIFFERENT.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A NEW PERFUME.
I LIKED THE OLD ONE BETTER.
OKAY, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO YOU.
COME HERE.
IT'LL BE FUN.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS,
BECAUSE I'VE ONLY
SLEPT WITH TWO GIRLS
MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND I SWEAR TO GOD,
IF YOU REPEAT THAT,
I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU.
MM. DON'T WORRY.
YOUR REPUTATION AS A STUD
IS TOTALLY SAFE WITH ME.
OKAY.
OKAY.
SO...
OH, GOD.
OKAY. NAME NAMES.
OKAY.
THERE WAS THE COUNSELOR
AT TENNIS CAMP
WHEN I WAS 15,
WHICH YOU KNOW ABOUT.
MM-HMM. NAME.
SHE'S FAMOUS NOW. I
CAN'T TELL YOU HER NAME.
OH, GOD.
OKAY, UH, RALPH.
WE'LL CALL HER RALPH.
OKAY, NOW, SECOND NAME.
MELANIE.
MEL...
I KNEW IT.
I ALWAYS...
I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT.
NO, YOU DIDN'T, BUT I KNEW.
OKAY, LET'S SEE
HOW MANY PEOPLE IT TAKES
TO LINK YOU AND ME.
WHATEVER.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
OKAY.
MELANIE SLEPT WITH HEATHER.
OKAY.
HEATHER SLEPT WITH BROOKE.
HEATHER SLEPT WITH BROOKE?
YES.
BROOKE SLEPT WITH NINA,
AND I SLEPT WITH NINA.
SEE THAT?
WOW, YEAH.
SO, FOUR.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
THAT IS HOW MANY PEOPLE IT TAKES
TO LINK YOU TO ME.
OKAY.
OKAY, SO YOU AND TINA.
OH, WELL, THAT'S EASY.
ONE.
OKAY.
OKAY, I GET IT.
OOH, OOH.
OKAY, I HAVE A GOOD ONE.
HERE. CHECK IT OUT.
REALLY GOOD.
I KNOW.
NOW, SHE LEADS US
RIGHT BACK TO SHANE.
OH, GOD.
RIGHT.
NOW, SHE COULD HAVE
US HERE ALL NIGHT.
IT'S LIKE THIS
WHOLE, CRAZY,
TINY, LITTLE WORLD.
CRAZY, YES...
BUT NOT TINY.
[♪♪♪]
I'M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
COME HERE.
JEN...
JEN, YOU AWAKE?
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
JEN...
BREAKFAST IS READY.
HEY.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING UP THIS EARLY?
I'M GOING HOME.
FROM?
NEVER MIND.
YEAH.
YOU TOTALLY JUST
GOT LAID, DIDN'T YOU?
AH, YOU SEE?
NOW, THAT GIVES ME HOPE,
BECAUSE I LOVE KNOWING
THAT TWO PEOPLE WHO'VE
BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG
CAN STILL MAKE EACH
OTHER THAT HAPPY.
WELL...
YEAH.
ANYWAY, UM...
HAVE A GOOD MORNING.
OKAY.
OKAY. I'M GOING TO GO.
OKAY. 'BYE, GUYS.
YOU BE GOOD.
I'M GOING TO TRY.
SEE YOU.
[♪♪♪]
[CHUCKLES]
BETTE, COME HERE!
WHAT?
YOU'RE OVULATING.
I'M OVULATING.
LET'S MAKE A BABY.
LET'S MAKE A BABY.
WHY DON'T YOU GET DRESSED,
AND I'LL DROP YOU OFF
OF MY WAY TO WORK.
HEY, TIM. GOOD LUCK.
BYE. THANKS.
AH! I AM SO READY.
IT'S COMING.
THANK YOU.
HI, SHANE.
SHE DOESN'T TALK TO ANYONE
BEFORE HER MORNING SHOT.
HERE, YOU GO, DON JUAN.
SHE'S A KID. A KID.
WHATEVER. IT'S FINE.
I MEAN, DON'T FREAK OUT.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, LATER, GUYS.
BYE!
BYE, LISA.
SEE YOU, SHANE.
WHOA, YOU'RE NOT
LEAVING ALREADY?
YEAH, I'VE GOT A
9:00, GUYS. SEE YOU.
SEE YOU.
HELLO.
GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING.
I'LL MEET YOU AT THE DOCTOR'S.
HEY, WHAT TIME ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO BE AT WHAT'S HIS NAME'S?
11:00.
OKAY. BYE, GUYS.
OH, MY GOD,
IS IT HAPPENING TODAY?
IS WHAT TODAY?
THE INSEMINATION.
OH. MM...
YOU'LL DO IT AT THE
DOCTOR'S OFFICE THIS TIME?
BUT FIRST, DAN FOXWORTHY.
NO WAY.
WHO? WHY DON'T I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?
BECAUSE YOU DON'T READ.
AND WHAT ARE YOU, THE
INTELLECTUAL OF LIFE?
DAN FOXWORTHY IS, LIKE,
THE SUPER-EXCLUSIVE SHRINK
TO THE STARS.
HE WAS ON OUR LIST
OF L.A.'S BEST
SELF-IMPROVEMENT GURUS.
HOW DID YOU GET
THAT APPOINTMENT?
I JUST CALLED AND ASKED.
DON'T TELL BETTE
I TOLD YOU, OKAY?
BUT WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
I MEAN, YOU DON'T NEED A SHRINK.
WE'RE JUST CHECKING IN.
WE'RE ABOUT TO DO THIS
INCREDIBLY MAJOR THING.
BUT WAIT, YOU GUYS HAVE
THE BEST RELATIONSHIP
OF ANYBODY I KNOW,
GAY OR STRAIGHT.
I JUST WANT TO MAKE
SURE WE'RE GOOD.
SORRY.
HI.
COULD I OFFER YOU A RIDE?
I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
I MISSED YOU.
IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE?
THAT'S ALL I HAVE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE.
COME ON.
[EXHALES]
SHE'S ALWAYS RUNNING LATE.
THEN SHE HAD A
MEETING WITH AN ARTIST.
BETTE'S THE DIRECTOR OF
THE CALIFORNIA ART CENTER.
I SEE.
AND SHE'S PROBABLY GOING TO
BE REALLY STRESSED ABOUT TIME.
AFTER THIS, WE HAVE
TO GO GET SPERM.
WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY,
AND OUR FRIEND SEAN'S DONATING.
[DOOR OPENS]
SORRY I'M LATE.
JAMES, YEAH, I'VE
GOT TO GO IN A MINUTE.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
THE ART WORK IS
WAY TOO DELICATE,
IT'S BEING FLOWN IN FROM PARIS,
AND ANNIE IS ALREADY A COMPLETE
AND TOTAL NERVOUS WRECK.
JUST CALL ADAMS FINE ART MOVERS.
TELL THEM, IF THEY WANT TO
DO BUSINESS WITH CAC AGAIN...
EXACTLY.
OKAY, GREAT. THANKS. BYE.
OKAY, HERE I AM.
WE ARE HEADING NORTH RIGHT
NOW TOWARDS THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS.
A LITTLE FURTHER TO THE
RIGHT IS THE HOLLYWOOD SIGN,
AND IF YOU KEEP GOING ALL
THE WAY IN THAT DIRECTION,
YOU HIT THE PACIFIC OCEAN.
OH, CAN WE GO?
YEAH, WHENEVER YOU WANT.
AS OFTEN AS YOU WANT.
[CARS HONKING]
DO YOU WANT TO TELL
ME WHAT THE THINKING IS
BEHIND TRYING TO
HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER
WHEN YOUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP
HAS BEEN PRETTY SHITTY
FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS?
IT'S NOT SHITTY.
IT MAY NOT BE PERFECT...
THERE'S A LOT MORE
TO A RELATIONSHIP
THAN SEX.
WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER
FOR SEVEN YEARS.
I KNOW PLENTY OF
COUPLES WHO STILL HAVE SEX
AFTER SEVEN YEARS.
IT'S NOT LIKE WE NEVER HAVE SEX.
LOT OF HETEROSEXUAL
COUPLES HAVE CHILDREN
WHEN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS
AREN'T PERFECT.
YOU JUST OBVIOUSLY
DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT HAPPENS IN A
LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP.
I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA.
I DON'T BELIEVE
THAT A STRAIGHT MALE THERAPIST
CAN POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.
EARLY SEX IS PASSIONATE.
IT'S ILLICIT, EXCITING.
IT STILL HAS THAT...
[GASPS]
FACTOR,
BUT VERY QUICKLY A KIND
OF SYMBIOSIS DEVELOPS.
IT ESPECIALLY HAPPENS
BETWEEN TWO WOMEN
WHO ARE DOING THE WORK
OF MAKING A SERIOUS COMMITMENT
TO ONE ANOTHER,
AND WHEN THAT MERGING OCCURS,
THE INTENSE MUTUAL
DEPENDENCY CAN BE A DETERRENT
TO SEXUAL INTIMACY.
OH, MY GOD.
THE LESBIAN URGE-TO-MERGE.
WE HAVE TO STOP NOW.
OH.
DO YOU WANT TO SCHEDULE
ANOTHER SESSION?
WE'LL LET YOU KNOW.
I THINK TINA AND I NEED TO TALK.
WHAT ABOUT THIS INSEMINATION?
THAT'S NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION.
NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION?
NO, IT'S NOT.
I QUIT MY JOB.
I WAS A PRETTY SUCCESSFUL
DEVELOPMENT EXECUTIVE.
NOW I WANT TO RELAX
AND PREPARE MY
BODY FOR PREGNANCY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
I'M READY TO START A FAMILY.
WE'RE BOTH READY
TO START A FAMILY.
RIGHT?
ABSOLUTELY.
RIGHT.
OKAY. GREAT.
SO THIS IS IT.
THIS IS OUR NEIGHBORHOOD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS OUR HOME.
IT'S VERY TRADITIONAL.
WAIT TILL YOU GET TO KNOW IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT'S JUST, UH, NOT
AS TRADITIONAL
AS YOU MIGHT THINK.
SO HERE'S YOUR NEW HOME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M FINALLY HERE.
THIS HAS BEEN THE
LONGEST SIX MONTHS
IN HISTORY, TIM.
YEAH, BUT YOUR
STUDIO'S FINALLY READY.
[JENNY GASPS]
OKAY, SO THIS USED
TO BE A GARAGE.
UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO.
I DID A REMODEL ON IT FOR YOU.
GO ON.
TRY IT OUT. COME ON.
OH, MY GOD!
I LOVE IT!
I HAVE TO GO, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL BE BACK SOON.
WHAT A FUCKING
AUSPICIOUS OCCASION.
I'D LOVE TO BREAK OPEN
A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE,
BUT I'VE GOT TO GET BACK
TO WORK SOME TIME TODAY.
I'M SORRY IT'S NOT
MORE ENTICING.
HEY, DON'T WORRY, I
DO THIS ALL THE TIME.
[WHISPERING]: I
LOVE HIS NEW WORK.
HE'S USING PAINT SO
MUCH MORE FREELY.
YEAH, I DON'T REMEMBER HIS
WORK HAVING THIS MUCH TEXTURE.
[SEAN GASPING]
[SEAN MOANING AND GRUNTING]
COME ON! OH!
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE
STRESSED OUT, HONEY.
I...
I KNOW THIS IS YOUR FIRST TIME
CURATING FOR ME,
AND I'M GOING TO GIVE
YOU A LOT OF SUPPORT...
OH...
HEY, LISTEN, THIS'LL
LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD.
GUESS WHAT TINA HAS
BETWEEN HER LEGS.
[LAUGHS]
CLOSE.
A JAR OF SEAN HEANEY'S SPERM.
I KID YOU NOT.
SHE'S KEEPING IT WARM.
WELL, SUPPOSEDLY, ONCE
IT'S BEEN EJACULATED,
IT SURVIVES LONGER IF YOU
KEEP IT AT BODY TEMPERATURE.
HUH?
OH, UH...
HOLD ON A SECOND.
UH, IT'S ONLY
ABOUT HALF AN INCH,
BUT THEY SAY IT'S
QUALITY, NOT QUANTITY.
GOD, IT'S REPUGNANT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED
TO SWALLOW THAT STUFF.
YEAH, TINA SAID
I COULD SWIM HERE WHENEVER.
THEY'RE UPTIGHT AT THE CHATEAU.
HOW ARE THEY UPTIGHT?
WELL, THEY DON'T
LET YOU SWIM NAKED.
IT IS A PUBLIC POOL.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING
TO TAKE A LOOK AT THIS,
AND WHILE I'M GONE...
WELL, REMEMBER HOW I TOLD YOU
THAT THERE'S A FAIR
AMOUNT OF EVIDENCE NOW
THAT IT'S MORE LIKELY TO
TAKE IF YOU'RE AROUSED.
SHE'S NOT SERIOUS.
AM I SUPPOSED TO
FUCK YOU RIGHT HERE?
I THINK IT WOULD HELP.
[LAUGHS]
THIS IS JUST...
THIS IS... THIS IS
TOO WEIRD FOR ME,
I... I MEAN... I... I JUST...
YOU KNOW, I REALLY...
FRANKLY, I FIND IT
INCREDIBLY INAPPROPRIATE
THAT SHE EVEN SUGGESTED IT.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I BET
SHE WOULD NEVER DO THAT
WITH A STRAIGHT COUPLE.
[KNOCKING]
COME IN.
COULD YOU COME
HERE A MINUTE, PLEASE?
YOU MIGHT WANT TO
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
SHOULDN'T THEY BE MOVING MORE?
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I
WANTED TO SHOW YOU.
I AM SO SORRY TO TELL YOU,
BUT THAT STUFF WOULDN'T
GET ANYONE PREGNANT.
THOSE LITTLE FELLAS
JUST DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.
HELLO.
HI.
WHAT KIND OF, UM, POSITIONS
DO YOU HAVE AVAILABLE?
BECAUSE I MIGHT BE
LOOKING FOR A JOB.
OH, UM, CASHIER.
REALLY?
YEAH.
EXCELLENT.
UM, COULD I HAVE AN APPLICATION?
YEAH.
GREAT.
OH, TINA, WHERE IS SHE?
THERE SHE IS.
AH!
YOUR LADYSHIP, PLEASE,
DON'T JAR ANYTHING.
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S
GOING TO DISLODGE
IF SHE SITS DOWN
TOO HARD, ALICE.
THERE'S NOTHING TO DISLODGE.
SEAN'S SPERM IS LACKLUSTER.
HE HAS LOW MOTILITY.
NO MOTILITY, ACTUALLY.
OH, MY GOD.
YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW
IT BY THE WAY HE FUCKS.
OH, CHRIST, ALICE.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND
BETWEEN DICK AND PUSSY?
AND SPARE US THE GORY
BISEXUAL DETAILS, PLEASE.
WELL, FOR YOUR
INFORMATION, DANA,
I'M LOOKING FOR THE
SAME QUALITIES IN A MAN
AS I AM IN A WOMAN.
BIG TITS...
IT EXPLAINS WHY I
HAVEN'T GOTTEN PREGNANT
AFTER TRYING FOR SIX MONTHS.
OH, SORRY, TEE.
HE WAS THE PERFECT DONOR.
HE WAS THE ONE WHO BETTE WANTED,
BUT MY EGG JUST IMPLANTED,
SO I COULD STILL CONCEIVE
ANY TIME OVER THE
NEXT TWO OR THREE DAYS,
SO YOU'VE GOT TO HELP
ME FIND ANOTHER DONOR.
HOLD ON, NOW, WHAT'S THE MATTER?
SEAN'S JISM WAS NO GOOD.
AW. WE'LL FIND YOU SOMEONE ELSE.
WHO? I'VE GOT TWO DAYS.
WELL, BETWEEN THE FOUR OF
US, WE'LL COME UP WITH SOMEONE.
WHAT, HE HAS TO BE HEALTHY,
STRONG, CREATIVE, HANDSOME...
ARTISTIC.
THERE'S ALWAYS SHANE.
GUYS... HEY!
YOU KNOW, DO YOU HAVE TO
DRESS LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME?
LIKE WHAT?
WELL, I WOULDN'T BE SEEN
ON THE STREET WITH YOU.
YEAH?
I MEAN, EVERY SINGLE THING
ABOUT THE WAY YOU'RE DRESSED,
LIKE, SCREAMS "DYKE."
GOD, DANA...
SORRY, MAN.
LOOK, IF I'M OUTED, I'M
SCREWED, ALL RIGHT?
SPONSORS AREN'T
CLAMORING TO BE REPPED
BY BIG OLD LEZZIE
TENNIS PLAYERS.
NO, NO, NO, LOOK, IT'S COOL.
I TOTALLY DIG THE
NEED TO MAKE A LIVING.
I'M MEETING A CLIENT ANYWAY.
YOU KNOW, YOU
ARE GOING TO PICKLE
IN THAT SELF-LOATHING
HOMOPHOBIA, I SWEAR.
YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE
GOING TO SHRIVEL
IN THAT SELF-RIGHTEOUS
PRIGGISHNESS.
YOU GUYS...
ALL RIGHT, WHO WOULD
SQUIRT INTO A JAR
FOR YOU?
HELLO...
WHAT?
YOU ARE JUST SO GAY.
SO GAY.
I KNOW.
I KNOW...
DO YOU, UH... DO YOU KNOW
THE NEIGHBORS NEXT DOOR?
BETTE AND TINA?
YEAH. ARE THEY,
UM, LIKE, A COUPLE?
YEAH, THEY ARE.
BECAUSE I SAW THEM HAVING SEX
IN THEIR POOL THIS AFTERNOON.
NO WAY. NOT BETTE AND TINA.
WHAT, THEY DON'T HAVE SEX?
NO, PROBABLY THEY DO,
IT'S JUST THAT...
YOU SURE YOU SAW
THEM GETTING DOWN?
I SAW THEM GETTING
WAY DOWN, TIM.
IS THAT RIGHT?
MM-HMM.
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT?
OKAY.
THERE WAS THIS GIRL...
WITH SHORT BLACK HAIR...
AND SHE WALKS OUT,
AND SHE TAKES OFF HER CLOTHES
IN, LIKE, TWO SECONDS FLAT.
YEAH?
LIKE THIS?
I THINK IT WAS A
LITTLE BIT FASTER.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH, I DO.
WE'LL WORK ON THAT.
OKAY.
AND THEN THERE WAS,
UH, THIS BLONDE GIRL
WHO HAD THESE REALLY
BEAUTIFUL BREASTS,
BUT I WASN'T REALLY
WATCHING THAT CLOSELY.
OH, I THINK YOU WERE WATCHING...
VERY CLOSELY.
WHAT DID THEY DO NEXT?
COME ON.
THE TALL SKINNY ONE
TAKES THE BLONDE VAMPY ONE...
BACKS HER AGAINST
THE SIDE OF THE POOL
AND THEN SHE BEGINS TO FUCK HER.
LIKE THIS?
OH, FUCK...
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
TRISH...
YOUR BACKSTROKE IS
LOOKING MUCH BETTER.
OH, THANKS.
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD FOR USC.
YOU GUYS GOT
SOME EXTRA STROKE
TRAINING SCHEDULED?
YEAH, TOMORROW
AFTER PHYSICS, RIGHT?
YEAH.
HEY, DO YOU THINK
THAT YOU COULD
MAYBE COME WITH ME
IN THE MORNING TO TALK TO DURST
ABOUT REPEATING MY MIDTERM?
I CAN'T REALLY DO
IT IN THE MORNING.
MY GIRLFRIEND JENNY'S IN TOWN.
SHE WANTS ME TO
TAKE HER CAR SHOPPING.
OH, SHE'S MOVING HERE?
YUP. SHE'S IN IT
FOR THE LONG HAUL.
OH.
TRISH...
MAYBE AFTER PRACTICE,
YOU AND I CAN GO TALK
TO DURST TOGETHER.
OKAY.
[LAUGHS]
NOW, YOU KNOW
YOU JUST BROKE THAT
GIRL'S HEART, RIGHT?
SORRY, MAN, WHAT
WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?
OH, MY GOD, IS THAT
DANA FAIRBANKS
AT THE PLANET IN WEST HOLLYWOOD?
SHH! SHE DOESN'T
WANT HER TENNIS FANS
TO KNOW SHE'S A GAY LADY.
FUNNY.
OKAY, FINE.
WHAT DO YOU GUYS
THINK ABOUT BUTT WAXING?
WHO HAS HAIR ON THEIR BUTT?
I DON'T KNOW.
[GASPS]
AT LEAST I DON'T ANYMORE.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRIM IT?
LISTEN, YOU GUYS, YOU'LL
HAVE TO FIGURE THIS ALL OUT
WITHOUT THE BENEFIT
OF MY WISDOM.
OH!
BETTE, TINA, GUESS, WHAT?
I HAD A GENIUS IDEA.
I HAVE SOLVED YOUR
DONOR PROBLEM.
YOU TWO ARE HAVING A
PARTY THIS SATURDAY NIGHT,
AND WE ARE INVITING ALL
THE ELIGIBLE MEN WE KNOW.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S
RIGHT, ALL TWO OF THEM.
NO, YEAH. GET THEM ALL
TOGETHER AT ONE TIME.
RIGHT, JUST GO
FISHING IN THE POND.
GREAT.
GREAT.
I'M LEAVING NOW.
I'M GOING TO CALL
YOU ABOUT THAT!
OKAY.
BACK TO MY QUESTION, PLEASE.
OKAY...
TRIMMING IS ESSENTIAL.
YOU KNOW?
YOU JUST DO IT A FEW
DAYS BEFORE YOU GET LAID.
ASSUMING YOU EVER DO.
WHATEVER YOU DO, YOU
HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.
OTHERWISE YOU'LL NEVER
HAVE BUSH CONFIDENCE.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE
BUSH CONFIDENCE,
YOU WON'T FEEL GOOD
ABOUT YOUR BUSH,
AND YOU'LL NEVER GET LAID.
SO DEAL WITH IT.
OKAY.
DO YOU NEED ANY ROSEMARY?
IT'S KIND OF TAKING
OVER MY GARDEN.
OH, HI.
DID I SCARE YOU? I'M SORRY.
OH, NO, NO. NOT AT ALL.
I'M JENNY.
I'M TINA.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
I WOULD LOVE SOME ROSEMARY.
THANKS.
I HAVE THIS STORY
THAT I'VE WRITTEN
CALLED "THUS SPOKE
SARAH SHUSTER..."
I FEEL LIKE
THAT'S, LIKE, THE LAST STORY
THAT I EVER WANT TO WRITE
ABOUT BEING A STUDENT.
OH, YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR
MIND WHEN YOU GET OLDER.
I'M ACTUALLY THINKING
ABOUT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
I'D LIKE A NEW CAREER.
YOU SHOULD DO IT.
YEAH?
MAYBE IN A COUPLE OF YEARS.
RIGHT NOW I'M TRYING
TO HAVE A BABY.
REALLY?
BUT TIM SAID THAT
YOU AND... BETTE...
YEAH.
WERE A COUPLE.
WE ARE.
OH.
AND I'M TRYING TO GET PREGNANT.
OH, MY GOD, YES. NO. YES.
WELL, EVERYTHING STILL WORKS.
YES.
WE CAN STILL HAVE BABIES.
IT'S JUST LIKE...
THERE WAS, LIKE, A
MOMENTARY BRAIN LAPSE.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY.
HEY.
GAY DADS GROUP.
OH, MY GOD.
THEY MEET ONCE A WEEK
AT A HOUSE OVER ON OGDEN.
IT'S ALL VERY L.A., HUH?
NO, IT'S NICE.
UM, I SHOULD GO HOME AND WRITE.
OKAY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR THE ROSEMARY.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
WE'RE HAVING A PARTY
TOMORROW NIGHT.
OH, YEAH?
YOU AND TIM SHOULD COME.
OKAY. I'LL ASK TIM
IF HE WANTS TO.
NICE MEETING YOU.
IT WAS NICE TO MEET
YOU, TOO, JENNY.
BYE.
[SIGHS]
HEY...
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO
SAY FOR YOURSELF, HUH?
CAN I SEE YOUR LICENSE
AND REGISTRATION?
LOOK, I REALLY GOT TO...
MA'AM.
OKAY. I...
HANG ON. HANG ON.
YOU KNOW, I WAS ON MY
WAY TO MY FIRST PAYING GIG
IN OVER A YEAR.
YOU ARE SO OVERREACTING.
SHE IS OUR FRIEND.
OH! LIKE THAT'S EVER
STOPPED YOU BEFORE.
LIKE THAT'S EVER
STOPPED ANYONE BEFORE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
LESBIANS THINK
FRIENDSHIP'S ANOTHER WORD
FOR FOREPLAY.
[LAUGHS]
HELLO. HOW YOU DOING?
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED
THAT EVERY TIME SHANE
WALKS INTO A ROOM,
SOMEONE LEAVES CRYING?
SHANE?
YEAH? HEY...
HEY, HOW COME YOU DIDN'T CALL ME
THE OTHER NIGHT?
I LEFT, LIKE, FIVE MESSAGES.
OH. WELL, YOU KNOW, I
HAVEN'T HAD MY CELL PHONE,
SO WHEN I GO GET MY CELL
PHONE, AND I CHECK MY MESSAGES,
I WILL CALL YOU.
ALL RIGHT?
IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU, THOUGH.
MM-HMM.
YOU TAKE CARE.
IT'S JUST WRONG.
YOU JUST CAN'T TREAT
PEOPLE LIKE THAT.
YOU HAVE TO TELL SHANE...
THAT THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT.
OKAY. I'LL TELL HER.
HI.
HI. WELCOME.
[♪♪♪]
BETTE, EVERYONE,
I WANT YOU TO MEET
OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS.
THIS IS TIM...
OH, HI. OH, AND THIS MUST BE...
JENNY.
NICE TO MEET YOU. BETTE.
AND ALICE PIESZECKI
AND SHANE McCUTCHEON.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
EXCUSE ME, ARE
YOU DANA FAIRBANKS?
I'M SORRY. WHAT?
DANA FAIRBANKS.
YES. I AM.
I'M A HUGE FAN.
REALLY?
I SAW YOU ALMOST
BEAT CAPRIOTI LAST YEAR
AT THE WOMEN'S INVITATIONAL.
GREAT. SHE'S GOING
TO BE INSUFFERABLE.
OH, GOD, IT'S JUST ONE FAN.
IT'S OKAY.
JENNY, THIS IS DANA FAIRBANKS.
HI.
SHE'S ONE OF THE BEST PLAYERS
ON THE WOMEN'S TENNIS
CIRCUIT RIGHT NOW.
THIS IS MY DOUBLES
PARTNER, HARRISON LANDY.
UM, HONEY, THIS IS TIM...
TIM.
TIM AND JENNY.
GOOD TO MEET YOU.
JENNY.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
FIELD RESEARCH.
YEAH, THERE'S A SCIENTIST
AT THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER
WHO SAYS THAT IF YOUR
RING FINGER IS LONGER
THAN YOUR INDEX FINGER,
IT MEANS YOU'RE A LESBIAN.
MM-HMM.
YEAH. TOTALLY GAY.
WAS THERE EVER ANY DOUBT?
OH, MY GOD, LOOK. I'M GAY, TOO.
THANK GOD.
OTHERWISE I'D HAVE TO LEAVE YOU.
ALICE MAKES THE
TEAM, BUT JUST BARELY.
THIS MAY BE CONTROVERSIAL,
BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I
MIGHT BE A LESBIAN, TOO.
OH, THAT'S SO WEIRD.
HER INDEX FINGER AND RING FINGER
ARE EXACTLY THE SAME LENGTH.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
MAYBE SHE'S BISEXUAL.
OH, LOOK, THERE'S SIMON BONHAM.
DANA AND HARRISON, CAN YOU MAKE
TIM AND JENNY A DRINK FOR ME?
YEAH, SURE, SURE, SURE.
UH, DRINKS? KITCHEN?
YEAH. GREAT.
SO TIM, DO YOU PLAY TENNIS?
'CAUSE I'M ALWAYS
LOOKING FOR A LITTLE ACTION.
OKAY, DRINKS.
UH, ACTUALLY, I'M A SWIM COACH.
OH.
ACCORDING TO OUR
COMPUTER, MA'AM,
THIS LICENSE WAS
REVOKED SIX MONTHS AGO.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I
WOULD CALL A TECHNICALITY.
IF YOU WANT TO GET TECHNICAL,
I SHOULD HAUL YOU DOWNTOWN
AND THROW YOU IN JAIL.
I WAS ON MY WAY TO
A GIG AT THE ROXY.
YEAH, Y... YOU KNOW IVAN
NEVILLE, HE'S ON THE BILL WITH ME.
WELL, HE AND I WERE
GOING TO CHECK OUT
AN AA MEETING TOGETHER.
IVAN NEVILLE OF THE
NEVILLE BROTHERS?
YEAH.
GOD, I LOVE THE
NEVILLE BROTHERS.
OH. OH, WE...
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
THEM IN CONCERT?
WELL, ONCE, YEARS AGO.
BACK WHEN I WAS
STATIONED IN NEW ORLEANS.
OH... WELL, HAVE YOU
EVER BEEN ON STAGE,
FIVE FEET AWAY
FROM AARON AND HIS
BROTHERS, PERFORMING?
SAY, LIKE, UH, UH...
A MONTH FROM NOW
AT THE HOUSE OF BLUES?
YOU KNOW, I COULD HOOK YOU UP.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
THIS IS STILL REVOKED.
ALL RIGHT?
AND WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE CAR.
LIKE A TOUGH
SORT OF TENNIS PLAYER.
NO, I'D NEVER WEAR...
IT'S TOO MASCULINE FOR ME.
I WOULD NEVER WEAR
ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
I LIKE IT.
NO, IT LOOKS GREAT
ON HIM, DOESN'T IT?
IT'S KIND OF SEXY.
WOW.
THIS IS VERY... A VERY
INTERESTING PARTY.
OH, THAT'S BECAUSE
BETTE'S A BIG ART WORLD LADY,
SO THERE ARE A LOT OF ARTISTS.
YEAH, AND A LOT OF...
LEZZIES? MM-HMM.
REALLY? ARE THERE REALLY?
YOU KNOW, I HADN'T NOTICED THAT.
YEAH, IT'S KIND OF HARD TO MISS.
TINA TOLD ME THAT SHE AND BETTE
ARE THINKING
ABOUT HAVING A BABY.
MM-HMM.
OH, THERE'S A LOT OF
THAT GOING AROUND.
THEY EVEN HAD TO
CHANGE THAT FAMOUS JOKE.
IT USED TO BE,
"WHAT DO LESBIANS
BRING ON A SECOND DATE?
A MOVING VAN."
NOW IT'S,
"WHAT DO LESBIANS BRING
ON A SECOND DATE?
A TURKEY BASTER."
[DANA LAUGHING FORCIBLY]
THAT'S SO FUNNY.
HONEY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHY YOU'D KNOW THAT JOKE.
WHO'S HE BEEN
HANGING OUT WITH, HUH?
EXCUSE ME.
COMMITMENT FROM YOU.
THAT'S REALLY NOT WHAT WE'RE...
EXCUSE ME. HI, I'M SORRY.
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
EXCUSE ME, SIMON.
WHAT WAS I THINKING, WHAT?
INVITING THOSE GEEKY
STRAIGHT PEOPLE.
I'M SORRY. NO OFFENSE.
I MEAN, I'VE GOT TO HANG
ON HARRISON ALL NIGHT LONG
LIKE SOME BIG FAT HETERO.
EXCUSE ME, DANA.
WE REALLY LOVE YOU,
BUT IT'S NOT OUR CROSS TO BEAR
THAT YOU AND
HARRISON HAVE DECIDED
TO MASQUERADE AS
OZZIE AND HARRIET.
OKAY?
GREAT. THANKS.
SORRY, SIMON.
SO WHAT WAS I SAYING?
COMMITMENT.
OH, RIGHT, COMMITMENT.
WE WOULDN'T EXPECT
ANY KIND OF COMMITMENT
FROM YOU, FINANCIAL
OR OTHERWISE.
I MEAN, REALLY,
YOU WOULDN'T EVEN
HAVE TO KNOW THE CHILD
IF YOU DIDN'T...
ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE
NICE IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE...
I MEAN, WE WOULD LIKE IT
IF OUR DONOR HAD A RELATIONSHIP
WITH OUR CHILD.
YEAH, BUT YOU'D HAVE TO
SIGN A DONOR CONTRACT
RELINQUISHING ALL
PARENTAL RIGHTS...
WHOA, BETTE, TINA, SLOW DOWN.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO
WASTE YOUR BREATH.
WHAT?
I'M TOTALLY FLATTERED, BUT
I JUST COULDN'T HANDLE IT.
I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN THIS KID TURNS 17,
HIS LIFE'S A COMPLETE MESS,
AND HE HATES BOTH OF YOUR GUTS,
AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW,
HE'S CAMPED OUT ON MY DOORSTEP
ASKING ME TO SAVE HIM FROM
HIS MISERABLE FUCKING LIFE?
I CAN'T DO THAT.
UM...
[LAUGHING WEAKLY]
BEST FIRST FICTION?
YES.
WOW, ISN'T THAT,
LIKE, A MAJOR PRIZE?
UM, I GUESS SO.
SO, UH, WHAT'S THE STORY ABOUT?
I HAVE THIS, UH, THIS
CHARACTER THAT I WRITE ABOUT
THAT'S SORT OF
LIKE THIS ALTER EGO,
BUT NOT REALLY,
AND THE STORY'S CALLED
"THUS SPOKE SARAH SHUSTER."
THAT'S PRETTY BOLD.
I HOPE YOU'RE GOOD.
UM, JENNY, THIS IS MARINA.
SHE OWNS THE PLANET.
IT'S A LITTLE CAFE
DOWN ON SANTA MONICA...
YEAH, I... I WALKED
BY THE OTHER DAY,
BUT IT WAS TOO CROWDED,
SO I DIDN'T GO IN.
IT GETS REALLY
CROWDED, THANKS TO ALICE
WHO WROTE ME UP IN HER MAGAZINE.
ARE YOU A WRITER?
YEAH, FOR L.A. MAGAZINE.
YEAH, MORE OF A JOURNALIST.
LITTLE DIFFERENT FROM YOU.
I DON'T THINK IT'S DIFFERENT...
JENNY JUST WON
THIS LITERARY PRIZE,
REALLY BIG,
FOR THE STORY SHE
WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT,
"JUST SPOKE" SOMETHING...
OH, "THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA."
THAT'S A NIETZSCHE REFERENCE.
YEAH.
HAS YOUR STORY BEEN PUBLISHED?
YES.
IT'LL BE IN THE NEXT BEST
AMERICAN SHORT STORIES.
RIGHT?
WHICH IS... I DON'T
KNOW IF I TOLD YOU,
BUT I WRITE A LOT
OF "BEST OF" PIECES.
THAT'S WHERE I
DISCOVERED AMY BLOOM.
I READ THIS BEAUTIFUL
STORY SHE WROTE
CALLED, UM...
SILVER WATER.
"COME TO ME."
THAT'S ONE OF MY
FAVORITE COLLECTIONS.
I THINK THAT I'VE PROBABLY READ
EVERYTHING THAT AMY
BLOOM HAS EVER WRITTEN.
I'M ABOUT TO START ON THIS
"BEST COSMETICS UNDER $100."
OH.
THERE'S SUPPOSEDLY
THIS GUY IN CALABASAS
WHO DOES THESE BOTOX
INJECTIONS FOR 75 BUCKS A POP.
OH. ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL?
HAVE YOU READ ANYTHING
BY ANNE CARSON?
"AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF RED..."
"EROS THE BITTERSWEET."
I THINK THOSE BOOKS
PRACTICALLY CHANGED MY LIFE.
WHAT ABOUT YOU.
HAVE YOU READ THEM?
YES.
WOW!
YOU GUYS SHOULD TOTALLY TAKE
THE COSMO ROMANCE
COMPATIBILITY QUIZ.
WELL, THIS WOULD BE MY SINGULAR
ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY QUESTION.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE...
NO, NO, YOUR MOST...
INFLUENTIAL, IMPORTANT,
LIFE-ALTERING BOOK
OF ALL TIME?
I DON'T KNOW IF I
WANT TO ANSWER THAT.
WHAT'S YOURS?
I ASKED YOU FIRST.
I HAVE AN IDEA.
JENNY, YOU COULD
WHISPER YOURS IN THIS EAR,
AND MARINA, YOU
WHISPER YOURS IN THIS EAR,
AND I'LL TELL YOU IF
YOU'RE COMPATIBLE.
[MUTTERING]: I THINK
I ALREADY KNOW.
WHATEVER.
I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE YOU
TWO ALONE TO GET MARRIED.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
BETTE WAS SET ON AN ARTIST,
BUT SHE SAYS THAT YOU
HAVE EXQUISITE TASTE
IN THE WORK THAT YOU
SHOW IN YOUR GALLERY.
I DO.
AW... YOU SAID THAT?
MM-HMM.
I COULDN'T BE MORE FLATTERED.
I KNOW YOU TWO ARE GOING
TO BE WONDERFUL MOTHERS,
AND I BET YOU'LL HAVE GUYS
LINING UP AROUND THE BLOCK,
BEGGING TO JERK OFF FOR YOU.
ROBIN, ARE YOU SETTING
US UP FOR A TURN-DOWN?
BELIEVE ME, IT'S GOT
NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU GUYS.
NO, I HAVE NO RESERVATIONS
ABOUT YOU TWO.
IT'S MY OWN GENETIC
SHORTCOMINGS,
WHICH I WOULDN'T WANT
TO PASS ON TO ANY CHILD.
I MEAN, LOOK HOW
BOW-LEGGED I AM.
IT'S A FAMILY TRAIT.
OH, THAT'S CUTE. WE
COULD LIVE WITH THAT.
I ALSO CARRY THE
GENE FOR BUCK TEETH.
MY MOTHER AND MY
THREE SISTERS ARE ALL...
THERE ARE ALWAYS BRACES.
WE ALSO HAVE A
PROPENSITY FOR SHINGLES,
EARLY ONSET MANIC DEPRESSION.
BOTH TREATABLE.
PREMATURE HAIR LOSS,
AMONG THE WOMEN
AS WELL AS THE MEN...
WE COULD GET ONE OF THOSE...
A WEAVE.
ALSO A HIDEOUS
TENDENCY TO DROOL...
OKAY.
WE GET THE PICTURE.
WE GET IT.
OKAY.
YUP.
THANK YOU.
THANKS, ROBIN.
SURE.
SORRY. GOOD LUCK.
I'M REALLY SORRY
YOU MISSED YOUR GIG.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT
TO DO ABOUT YOU CAR?
YEAH.
YEAH, DON'T GO
BEATING YOURSELF UP
OVER IT.
YOU ARE ONE DECENT HUMAN BEING,
AND THAT'S RARE IN
THIS SOULLESS TOWN.
KEEP IT REAL.
ALL RIGHT.
NO WAY.
KIT! HI!
HEY, GIRL, WHAT'S UP?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HOW YOU DOING?
COME ON IN. WELCOME.
YEAH, THANKS, GIRL.
HEY.
THERE YOU ARE.
I'M JUST WAITING
FOR THE WASHROOM.
DO YOU WANT TO...
YOU WERE ON THE
OLYMPIC SWIM TEAM?
YEAH, I WAS.
THIS IS AMAZING.
I HAVE A PROJECT ABOUT
COMPETITIVE SWIMMING,
BUT WE HAVEN'T BEEN
ABLE TO CRACK THE STORY.
WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED?
THERE WAS THIS ONE
INCREDIBLY DRAMATIC THING
THAT HAPPENED WHEN I WAS
SWIMMING FOR U OF CHICAGO.
WE HAD THIS ONE GUY ON THE TEAM
THAT WAS PROBABLY
THE BEST SWIMMER...
TIM, TAKE ME HOME.
JEN, I WANT YOU TO MEET...
I WANT YOU TO TAKE ME HOME NOW.
EXCUSE ME.
YEAH, SURE.
UM, LOOK, OBVIOUSLY,
I... I HAVE TO GO.
IT WAS GOOD TALKING TO YOU.
YEAH, YOU, TOO. THANK YOU.
OKAY. IS YOUR SISTER, LIKE,
THE COOLEST PERSON ON EARTH
OR WHAT?
WHAT'S KIT DOING HERE?
YOUR GUESS IS AS GOOD AS MINE.
JEN, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CONVERSATION.
DO YOU WANT TO AT LEAST
TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?
I FELT WEIRD.
THAT'S PRETTY VAGUE, JEN,
EVEN FOR YOU.
YOU FELT WEIRD.
WHAT ARE YOU...
JEN, COME ON.
WE NEED TO TALK.
JEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
J...
JEN...
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME
WHY YOU'RE NOT AT YOUR GIG
AT THE ROXY?
WELL, THAT WAS SOMETHING I
CAME OVER HERE TO TELL YOU...
BETTE, YOU NEVER TOLD ME
THAT KIT PORTER WAS YOUR SISTER.
WOW.
MY HALF-SISTER.
GUESS WHICH HALF.
THAT IS EXTREMELY COOL.
JEREMY BLOCK. I SAID HI EARLIER.
I SAW YOU PLAY A
COUPLE YEARS AGO
AT THE HOLLYWOOD ROOSEVELT.
YOU... YOU'RE AWESOME.
OH, THANK YOU. YOU'RE VERY KIND.
NO, REALLY.
WE'RE PUTTING TOGETHER
THE SOUNDTRACK
TO A PICTURE I'M PRODUCING.
WE'RE WORKING
WITH A BUNCH OF CLASSIC
JAZZ AND BLUES LADIES,
AND I GUARANTEE HE
WILL COMPLETELY DIG YOU.
WELL, I WAS ABOUT TO
GET INTO SOMETHING, HERE,
WITH MY BABY SISTER...
I'M SURE IT CAN WAIT.
I'VE GOT A HOUSE FULL OF PEOPLE.
WELL, COME ON.
THE PARTY'S IN THE BACK ROOM
AT LES DEUX.
ARE YOU SURE?
IT'S A POTENTIAL GIG. YOU
SHOULD DEFINITELY GO.
OKAY.
YEAH, WELL, HEY,
WHY DON'T I RIDE WITH YOU?
SURE.
[YAWNING]
WHAT AN EGO BRUISER.
THREE TURN-DOWNS IN ONE NIGHT.
IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH OUR PITCH?
IT HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH YOU GUYS.
YOU KNOW, IT'S...
IT'S THE NEW MALE.
WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MEN?
I MEAN, YOU'VE NEVER
EVEN BEEN WITH A MAN.
WELL, THE NEW MALE
IS MORE SPIRITUAL
THAN THE OLD MALE.
YOU KNOW, HE SEES HIS SPERM
AS AN EXTENSION
OF HIS INNER BEING.
WHEREAS THE OLD MALE
SHOT INTO ANY FEMALE
WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN,
THE NEW MALE TOTALLY CARES
WHAT BECOMES OF HIS SEED.
OH, MY GOD, IT'S YODA.
YEAH, THEY TEACH THAT
AT HAIRDRESSER SCHOOL,
BY THE WAY.
WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
WHY DID THEY HAVE TO
GET ALL SENSITIVE ON US
JUST WHEN WE NEEDED THEM
TO KEEP ON BEING THE
SAME OLD ASSHOLES?
I DON'T KNOW.
ALL RIGHT.
YEAH, WE'RE GOING TO GO.
DON'T GO.
GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.
BYE.
BYE.
SHE'S TOTALLY GOING
HOME WITH THAT GIRL.
I'M SORRY.
OH, MY GOD. GET OFF OF ME.
HARRISON, THE PARTY'S OVER.
WE CAN GO BACK TO BEING GAY.
I'VE GOT TO GO.
YOU GUYS NEED HELP CLEANING UP?
WE GOT IT.
YEAH, SONIA'S
COMING IN TOMORROW.
OKAY, GOOD NIGHT, YOU GUYS.
GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
BYE-BYE.
HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH, SHIT.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN OUT HERE?
I COULDN'T SLEEP LAST NIGHT.
YOU WERE TOTALLY OUT.
YEAH, WELL, SOMEBODY
WORE ME OUT.
I CAME OUT HERE AROUND 3:00...
IN THE MORNING,
AND THEN I STARTED TO WRITE,
AND THAT WAS SO SCARY.
IT'S A WHOLE NEW PLACE, JEN.
IT'S JUST GOING TO
TAKE YOU AWHILE
TO FIND YOUR GROOVE.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER TOLD ME
WHY YOU WERE SO
UPSET LAST NIGHT.
UM...
BECAUSE I WAS
JUST A LITTLE DRUNK.
I HOPE I DIDN'T RUIN YOUR NIGHT.
NO, I THINK IT TURNED OUT
PRETTY WELL.
OKAY.
WHAT DID YOU THINK?
YEAH.
OKAY, EVERYBODY,
LET'S GET THOSE BUTTS
UP OUT OF THE SADDLE
AND GET ON THE ROAD.
THAT FUCKING PARTY
MADE ME SO DEPRESSED.
WE HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE MONTH
BEFORE ANOTHER INSEMINATION.
AT LEAST YOU HAVE
SOMEBODY TO WAIT WITH.
AT LEAST THERE'S
SOMEBODY IN BED NEXT TO YOU
WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN
THE MORNING, YOU KNOW?
NOW, EVERYONE, DROP YOUR HEADS,
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND
SET YOUR INTENTIONS.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
TO GOSSIP WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
TO CHANGE YOUR BODY?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO GET
OUT OF THE NEXT 40 MINUTES?
A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR
SPECTACULAR TITS
WOULD BE NICE.
SO GO FOR IT.
NO!
BESIDES, SHE'S STRAIGHT.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE I'M SO ATTRACTED TO HER.
EVERY TIME I'M
ATTRACTED TO SOMEBODY,
SHE'S EITHER UNAVAILABLE
OR STRAIGHT.
DANA!
JENNY!
HEY.
HEY, ARE YOU HERE BY YOURSELF?
YEAH. I AM BY MYSELF,
BUT I'M GOING TO GO HOME
AND MAKE A SANDWICH.
OH, NO, WE'VE GOT A TABLE.
COME SIT WITH US.
OKAY. OKAY.
THIS INSTRUCTOR
RECOMMENDED THIS WORKSHOP
CALLED ALL WRITE, W-R-I-T-E...
AND THIS INSTRUCTOR
MEETS WITH YOU
AND DOES THIS THING
CALLED BODYWORK,
YOU KNOW, TO HELP
YOU GET IN TOUCH
WITH YOUR INNER VOICE,
WHICH I THOUGHT WAS WEIRD.
HEY...
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD
CHECK OUT MY MAGAZINE,
BECAUSE WE SOMETIMES
DO THESE RESOURCE LISTS
FOR THE CREATIVE COMMUNITY.
OH, OKAY.
OR, YOU KNOW, UCLA
MIGHT BE YOUR BEST BET.
NO. I DON'T WANT TO...
I DON'T WANT TO
GO BACK TO SCHOOL.
MARINA HAS A READING GROUP.
YOU GUYS MET THE OTHER NIGHT.
HI, JENNY.
HEY...
SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE THE PLANET?
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
IT'S NICE.
YOU WANT TO COME
TO MY READING GROUP?
YES.
THAT MEANS I CAN READ
ONE OF YOUR STORIES.
YOU CAN READ ANYTHING YOU WANT.
YOU KNOW, ANYTHING.
OH, SHIT.
OH, GOD, IT'S LATE.
YOU KNOW, I, UH, I'M
STARTING A NEW TOUR,
SO I SHOULD GO PRACTICE.
I'M GOING TO FOLLOW
YOU GUYS OUT.
JENNY, GOOD LUCK.
YES. THANK YOU.
I THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE FOUND
WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR.
BYE, ALICE.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE
YOU. YOU'LL BE OKAY?
YEAH, I'M GOOD.
OF COURSE SHE'S OKAY.
YOU'RE OKAY, RIGHT?
NO, I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.
I, UH...
I HOPE I DIDN'T UPSET
YOU THE OTHER NIGHT...
NO...
YOU DIDN'T UPSET ME.
I JUST, UH, I CAME HERE
TO SAY THAT I'M NOT...
I'M NOT...
A BIG COFFEE DRINKER?
I HAVE TO GO.
I HAVE TO GO.
TIM IS GOING TO BE HOME AT 5:00.
SO...
IT... IT'S ONLY 2:00.
SO I NEED...
DON'T GET SO
UPSET. IT'S ONLY 2:00.
I KNOW, BUT I
NEED TO BE THERE...
WHEN HE CALLS, OKAY?
OKAY.
I'LL WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR.
OKAY.
YEAH?
YEAH.
THANK YOU.
FOR WHAT?
TURNING YOU INTO A SPEED FREAK?
IS THIS YOUR CAR?
YES.
I MEAN, THIS IS TIM'S CAR.
IT'S EMBARRASSING.
A MUSCLE CAR.
IT'S SEXY.
ARE YOU BUSY TOMORROW NIGHT?
DO YOU WANT TO COME TO RADAR?
WHAT'S RADAR?
IT'S A SPECIAL NIGHT WE
DO HERE ON TUESDAYS.
RIGHT.
UM...
NO, THANK YOU.
OKAY.
CALL ME IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
OKAY.
I COULD DO THIS. YES.
AND YOU HAVE NO
PROBLEM WITH THE CONCEPT
OF BRINGING A CHILD
INTO THE WORLD
AND HAVING ABSOLUTELY NO SAY
AS TO HOW HE OR SHE IS RAISED?
I MUST HAVE CHILDREN
ALL OVER THE WORLD.
NOW, WHY WOULD I HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THIS ONE?
I WILL SIGN THE
DONOR'S CONTRACT NOW.
JEAN PAUL, I DON'T
MEAN TO BE RUDE
OR ANYTHING,
BUT DO YOU HAVE ANY,
UH, MEDICAL PROBLEMS,
ANY HISTORY OF
FAMILY ILLNESSES, OR...
HEALTH IS EXCELLENT
IN THE CHAMOIS FAMILY.
JEAN PAUL, I KNOW YOU SAY
THAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE
WITH ALL OF THIS,
BUT JUST THINK
ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE.
WHERE IS THIS CONTRACT?
MM-HMM, AND WHEN WE DO THIS?
WHEN TINA'S NEXT OVULATING.
YOU WANT TO DO
THIS HERE IN MY BED?
BON. BON.
OR YOU WANT ME TO COME TO YOU?
UH...
UM...
WHEREVER YOU WANT.
WE'LL GIVE YOU A STERILE CUP.
I MEAN, OR IF YOU PREFER,
IF YOU NEED YOUR PRIVACY,
I CAN COME BACK LATER
AFTER YOU'VE FINISHED
AND PICK IT UP.
CUP?
WHAT IS THIS CUP?
OH, IT'S A SPECIMEN CUP.
YOU EJACULATE INTO IT.
OH, NO, NO, NO, WE
DON'T DO THAT WAY.
WE DO AS A MAN AND A WOMAN.
OH, JEAN PAUL, I'M SORRY,
I JUST THOUGHT YOU
UNDERSTOOD THAT...
DO YOU WANT IT TO BE ALL THREE?
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE FINE.
IT IS GOING TO BE
YOUR BABY, TOO.
NO.
NO? JUST ME AND HER THEN. BON.
JEAN PAUL, NOT ONLY
ARE WE MONOGAMOUS,
WE DON'T SLEEP WITH MEN.
BUT TO HAVE A BABY,
THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.
IT'S JUST NOT AN
OPTION FOR US, OKAY?
BUT FOR ME, IT IS
THE ONLY OPTION.
AN OBLIGATION.
I COULD NOT BRING A
BABY INTO THIS WORLD
WHO WAS NOT CONCEIVED
THROUGH THE PASSIONATE...
MM, MM...
BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.
HEY!
THE PENIS. THE PUSSY. THE BABY.
YOU KNOW?
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
ZE PENIS, ZE PUSSY, ZE BABY?
OH, GOD, I SWEAR...
COME ON, TEE, IT'S FUNNY.
I'M SORRY, I DON'T
FIND IT FUNNY.
WELL, TRY.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO
HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR
ABOUT THESE THINGS.
OH, WELL, I GUESS
YOU'LL JUST TAKE CARE OF
THAT FOR THE BOTH OF US.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
WHAT? WHAT AM I DOING?
WE'VE GOT MARY
AND WE'VE GOT TRISH
AND I THINK WE...
HEY, RANDY.
HEY.
HEY.
WOW. YOU LOOK AMAZING.
THANKS.
DAMN.
I THINK I'M GOING TO DITCH RANDY
AND TAKE YOU OUT MYSELF.
DO YOU WANT TO COME?
'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
A SHITLOAD OF WORK TO DO,
BUT YOU DO LOOK GREAT.
THANK YOU.
I'M NOT GOING TO BE LATE.
OKAY.
OKAY.
GOOD-BYE.
BYE, RANDY.
GOODNIGHT.
WHERE'S SHE OFF TO
ALL DOLLED UP LIKE THAT?
UH, THE PLANET.
THEY'RE HAVING SOME KIND OF
SPECIAL PARTY OR SOMETHING.
AND YOU'RE LETTING HER GO ALONE?
I'M MAKING HER GO.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW
THAT MANY PEOPLE.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW IT,
BUT SHE'S KIND OF A RECLUSE.
UH...
HI.
HELLO, JENNY.
UH...
IT'S ALL WOMEN.
OH, YEAH, RADAR
IS A WOMEN'S PARTY.
SORRY. SORRY.
THAT'S THE ONE
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
HOT. SO HOT.
HI.
HI, JENNY.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
COMING OUT TONIGHT.
YEAH, MARINA INVITED ME.
HEY, HEY.
HELLO.
I THOUGHT SHE'D LIKE RADAR.
BETTE'S SISTER KIT
DOES A POETRY NIGHT.
I THINK YOU'D ENJOY IT.
UM...
WHERE IS BETTE?
SHE'S AT WORK.
THEY'RE STILL FIGHTING.
OH, MY GOD, THERE ARE
SO MANY HOT GIRLS HERE.
[WHISTLES]
HI.
HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD.
I'M GOING TO GO PLAY POOL,
SO SEE YOU ALL LATER.
YOU SHOULD HAVE HIT ON HER
WHEN WE FIRST CAME IN.
I DON'T GET IT.
I MEAN, WHAT DOES SHANE
HAVE THAT I DON'T HAVE?
IT HAS TO DO WITH HER ATTITUDE.
I'VE GOT ATTITUDE.
IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S
SO WITHHOLDING.
NO.
IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S SO CONFIDENT.
NO, IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S STUPID,
AND STUPID PEOPLE ARE
TOO DUMB TO BE INSECURE.
DANA, SHE'S YOUR FRIEND.
IT'S CONFIDENCE, OKAY?
I'M TELLING YOU.
AND IT'S BECAUSE OF HER NIPPLES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT'S
BECAUSE OF HER NIPPLES?
SHE HAS THE BEST
NIPPLES IN TOWN,
AND SHE KNOWS IT.
OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SO RIGHT.
SHE HAS NIPPLE CONFIDENCE.
THEY ARE NICE.
YEAH, THEY'RE SMALL
AND THEY'RE PERFECTLY FORMED.
I WONDER IF I COULD SELL A
STORY ON L.A.'S BEST NIPPLES.
THAT'S A GOOD ONE, RIGHT?
I THINK I'LL JUST WANDER
AROUND FOR A BIT.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M GOOD.
HI, THERE.
NO, THANK YOU.
THE TOTAL IS...
$77.83, SO I GIVE
YOU THE CARD...
HERE, AND I HAVE TO DO THIS...
AND THEN YOU HAVE TO SIGN IT.
THANK YOU.
THANKS, GUYS.
HAVE A NICE DAY.
OKAY, WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?
I'LL DO THAT.
OKAY.
SO DO YOU LIKE
LIVING IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD?
UM, I DON'T KNOW.
IT'S OKAY, I GUESS.
YOU DON'T MIND THAT THERE ARE
A LOT OF HOMOS AND STUFF AROUND?
WHAT?
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
THEY SEEM PRETTY COOL TO ME,
BUT AREN'T THEY ALWAYS, LIKE,
CHECKING OUT YOUR
BOYFRIEND AND STUFF?
NO.
CUSTOMER.
OH, MY GOD.
PAGE ME IF YOU NEED HELP.
COME ON.
I WANT TO SEE YOU CHECK ME OUT.
OKAY.
I'M SORRY...
ABOUT LAST NIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE...
I SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT LIKE THAT.
I FEEL REALLY SILLY.
I FEEL REALLY, REALLY SILLY,
AND I THINK I KIND
OF FREAKED OUT,
AND NOT BECAUSE IT
WAS A GAY BAR, OKAY?
BUT BECAUSE I HAD
ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA
WHAT I WAS DOING
THERE, YOU KNOW?
OKAY, UM...
THE TOTAL IS $54.05.
I HOPE THEY OVERPAY
THEIR EMPLOYEES
AS MUCH AS THEY
OVERCHARGE THEIR CUSTOMERS.
DO YOU WANT TO COME
TO MY READING GROUP?
IT'S ONE WEEK FROM MONDAY.
I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE TO CHECK WITH TIM.
THERE YOU GO.
UM, MARINA...
IS YOUR READING
GROUP A GAY GROUP?
NO.
THERE ARE STRAIGHT PEOPLE.
YOU LOOK CUTE WITH
THE LITTLE APRON ON.
OH. YES. OKAY.
I'M SORRY.
WE GET TOGETHER ONCE A MONTH.
FIVE COUPLES.
$50 PER COUPLE IS OUR LIMIT.
REALLY?
JENNY AND I BELONGED TO A GAME
BACK IN CHICAGO.
SHE'S NOT A VERY
GOOD CHEATER, THOUGH.
I AM NOT A CHEATER.
EXCUSE ME?
I AM NOT A CHEATER.
TIM LIKES TO SAY
THAT I'M A CHEATER,
BECAUSE TIM IS ALWAYS LOSING,
RIGHT, TIM?
COME ON, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
NOT NEVER, ANYWAY.
ONCE I WENT OUT UP
THREE WHOLE DOLLARS.
YOU GUYS SHOULD
COME TOMORROW NIGHT.
WE CAN ALWAYS MAKE
ROOM FOR ANOTHER COUPLE,
RIGHT?
COOL.
WHAT TIME DO YOU GUYS START?
UM, I CAN'T.
I HAVE THAT BOOK CLUB THING.
SO JUST CALL AND CANCEL.
I MEAN, THIS WILL BE FUN.
MAYBE WE CAN BECOME REGULARS.
I COMMITTED.
SO UN-COMMIT.
I MEAN, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
BECAUSE IT'S ONLY ONCE A MONTH,
AND I'VE BEEN REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
OH, GOD, YOU REALLY
WANT ME TO CANCEL?
NO.
GO ON.
UM, WE WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
JUST KEEP US IN MIND, THOUGH.
SURE, MAN.
HEY.
HEY.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE
HANGING THE SHOW.
ANNIE'S GOT IT UNDER CONTROL.
I THOUGHT WE COULD SPEND
THE REST OF THE
EVENING TOGETHER.
OH.
I NEED EXERCISE.
I'M FEELING A LITTLE TENSE.
FINE.
I GUESS I SHOULD
HAVE CALLED FIRST.
YEAH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT CAROLYN SEE
IS IN YOUR GROUP.
I KNOW.
A GREAT MIND IS SUCH A TURN-ON.
I'M SO HAPPY THAT I CAME.
I FEEL VERY, VERY
INSPIRED TONIGHT.
GOOD, THAT'S
WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT.
YES.
MAYBE NEXT TIME
YOU'LL READ ONE OF YOUR STORIES.
NO.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE...
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT TO DO.
TINA. HI.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M JUST EXORCISING SOME DEMONS.
YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
I DO?
YEAH.
YOU'RE GETTING GREAT DEFINITION
RIGHT HERE.
YOUR LATISSIMUS DORSI.
THEY'RE REALLY STARTING TO POP.
ARE YOU GETTING A GOOD STRETCH
IN YOUR HIP FLEXORS?
I'VE GOT TO GO.
BETTE CAME HOME
JUST TO BE WITH ME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WAS THINKING.
TINA...
I'M STARTING TO SEE
SOME PRIVATE CLIENTS
VERY SELECTIVELY.
LET ME KNOW IF
YOU'RE INTERESTED.
YEAH.
I WILL.
GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT.
I HAD A REALLY GREAT TIME.
GOOD. I'M GLAD.
HAVE SWEET DREAMS.
LOOK, IF YOU REALLY WANT
TO GO BACK TO DAN FOXWORTHY,
THAT'S FINE BY ME.
I'LL MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE FREE.
JUST MAKE THE APPOINTMENT
AND TELL ME WHEN IT IS.
TOMORROW AT 3:15.
I WAS GOING TO
SEE HIM BY MYSELF,
BUT I'D RATHER YOU COME WITH ME.
TO JENNY BEING IN L.A.
THANK YOU.
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
I MISSED YOU A LOT.
I MISSED YOU, TOO.
AREN'T THEY CUTE?
ADORABLE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S ORDER.
ALL RIGHT.
ARE YOU GUYS STILL FIGHTING?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, MAN.
CAN YOU JUST GET
THEM TO GRILL IT?
MY WIFE DOESN'T SEEM TO
THINK I NEED ALL THAT BREADING.
YOU DON'T.
HE DOESN'T.
YOU'RE GETTING A PAUNCH.
OOH.
HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
HI.
OH, MAN.
THAT GIRL IS SO HOT.
SHE DOESN'T REALLY
LOOK LIKE SHE'S GAY.
RANDY.
WHAT?
MARINA'S NOT GAY, IS SHE?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
I THINK SHE'S WITH THAT
BLONDE WITH THE CUTE HAIRCUT.
YOU THINK SHE'S CUTE?
CUTE.
NOW, I DIDN'T SAY I
WANTED TO SLEEP WITH HER.
I JUST SAID SHE'S...
WELL, I...
I LIKE THE ONE WHO
LOOKS LIKE A ROCK STAR.
IF I HAD TO BE WITH A WOMAN,
I THINK SHE'D BE MY TYPE.
I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.
WINE'S NOT BAD, HUH?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THE SAME THING
YOU'RE DOING HERE,
I IMAGINE.
WELL, I'M FINDING IT
VERY DISTRACTING.
DO YOU?
I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
STOP IT.
I HAVE TO GO.
HEY.
STOPPED AT THE PLANET,
GOT YOU A CUP OF COFFEE.
"SHE DRIFTED ACROSS THE EXPANSE,
"LIFTED THE FIRST VEIL.
THE AIR ITSELF..."
I'M SORRY.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M JUST A LITTLE TENSE.
YOU GO OFF TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY
AND YOU HAVE YOUR
WHOLE DEAL WORKED OUT.
AND, UM...
I'M NOT QUITE SURE
WHAT I'M DOING IN L.A.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DOING WELL.
I MEAN, YOU'RE WRITING.
YOU'RE WORKING, A
JOB THAT YOU WANTED,
AND YOU EVEN MADE A
FEW NEW FRIENDS, RIGHT?
I JUST FEEL
LIKE IT'S KIND OF A
LITTLE SCARY RIGHT NOW.
FEELING A BIT, UM...
OVERWHELMED.
DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME.
I'M NOT THE ENEMY.
I KNOW.
I KNOW.
YOU COULDN'T BE
MORE SUPPORTIVE OF ME.
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
YOU WANT TO GET THAT?
HELLO?
HI.
UH...
YEAH. HOW ARE YOU?
OH, OKAY.
YES, NO PROBLEM.
OKAY. OKAY.
BYE.
UM...
THAT WAS, UH...
THAT WAS MARINA.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
DINNER ON SATURDAY NIGHT.
WE DON'T HAVE PLANS,
DO WE?
BECAUSE IF WE DO, I
CAN RESCHEDULE THEM.
NO, GO AHEAD. FINE.
WE WERE JUST GOING
TO GET TOGETHER
AND WE'RE GOING TO TALK
ABOUT THE BOOK CLUB...
BUT, TIM, I THINK I
SHOULD CALL HER BACK
AND TELL HER THAT YOU AND I
NEED TO SPEND
SOME TIME TOGETHER.
JENNY...
I HAVE A BASKETBALL GAME
WITH THE DEPARTMENT HEADS
SATURDAY NIGHT.
GO. HAVE DINNER WITH MARINA.
IT'S FINE.
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
SHE SAID SHE WAS COMING.
IT WAS KIND OF LAST
MINUTE, THOUGH.
SO YOU THINK SHE MIGHT
NOT BE SHOWING UP?
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE WE SHOULD SPEND A
LITTLE TIME TALKING ABOUT YOU.
[DOOR OPENS]
I'M SORRY I'M LATE, BUT I
HAVE A REALLY GOOD EXCUSE.
SO DON'T MAKE THIS EASY ON ME.
I HAVE FOUND THE PERFECT DONOR.
WHO?
MARCUS ALLENWOOD.
HE'S AN ARTIST,
AND HE'S JUST BEEN SELECTED
FOR THE NEXT WHITNEY BIENNIAL.
I HAD A SERIOUS CONVERSATION
WITH HIM.
BUT I'VE NEVER MET HIM.
NO, BUT I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT
YOU AND I ARE LOOKING FOR,
AND HE IS SO PERFECT.
HE EVEN HAS A KID,
SO WE KNOW HE CAN
GET SOMEONE PREGNANT.
I'VE NEVER MET HIM.
YOU WILL MEET HIM TOMORROW.
HE'S COMING BY
THE HOUSE AT 11:00,
AND YOU'RE TAKING
HIM TO THE CRYOBANK.
HE'S LEAVING THE NEXT DAY
FOR COLOGNE.
HE'S IN A GROUP SHOW.
TEE, HE'S WILLING
TO DO THIS FOR US
SO WE CAN HAVE THE SPERM ON ICE
FOR WHEN YOU'RE NEXT OVULATING.
IT'LL BE THERE
WHEN WE WANT TO USE IT.
MARCUS?
TINA, RIGHT?
UM...
I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING
OUT OF THE BEDROOM,
AND, UH...
HAVE A SEAT.
AND THEN WE'LL GO
TO THE CRYOBANK.
OKAY.
FUCK.
READY?
TINA,
DID BETTE NOT TELL
YOU I WAS BLACK?
NO, NOT AT ALL,
BUT, I MEAN, SHE
DIDN'T NOT TELL ME,
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
MATTER EITHER WAY.
RIGHT?
I CAN'T ANSWER THAT FOR YOU.
NO.
UH, OKAY.
ARE YOU READY TO GO?
LET'S DO IT.
HI.
I'M TINA KENNARD,
AND I'M HERE WITH MY FRIEND.
HE'S HERE TO MAKE A...
DEPOSIT.
MARCUS, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT.
IT SAYS HERE YOU'VE
RECENTLY BEEN HIV TESTED.
I HAVE ALL MY PAPERWORK.
THEN HERE'S ALL
YOU NEED FROM ME.
THE BATHROOM IS DOWN THE HALL
ON THE LEFT,
AND THERE ARE MAGAZINES IN THERE
IF YOU NEED ANY ENCOURAGEMENT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
WOW.
THAT'S A PRETTY SERIOUS
DECISION TO MAKE.
ISN'T IT?
YOU MUST HAVE GIVEN
IT A LOT OF THOUGHT,
BECAUSE REALLY BIG MEN LIKE THAT
TEND TO MAKE REALLY BIG BABIES.
YOU'LL PROBABLY BE
LOOKING AT A C-SECTION.
HI.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY. SHE'S, UH...
SHE'S IN THE BACK.
BYE. SEE YOU.
SEE YOU LATER.
BYE.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I GOT THIS VAGUE BUT
URGENT MESSAGE FROM ALICE.
GREAT.
YOU PUT ME IN A FUCKING
AWKWARD POSITION.
HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME
THAT MARCUS ALLENWOOD IS BLACK?
GOD, I...
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE.
I...
I JUST DIDN'T THINK
IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM FOR YOU
TO USE A BLACK DONOR.
I DIDN'T SAY I DIDN'T
WANT A BLACK DONOR.
I JUST THINK WE SHOULD
HAVE DISCUSSED IT.
WE ABSOLUTELY
DISCUSSED IT, TINA.
RIGHT IN THE VERY BEGINNING,
WE SAID THAT IF YOU
WERE GOING TO BE
THE BIRTH MOTHER,
THAT WE SHOULD CONSIDER FINDING
AN AFRICAN-AMERICAN DONOR.
THAT WAY, THE CHILD WOULD
BE MORE LIKE OUR CHILD.
BUT I WASN'T PREPARED.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
OTHER THAN...
BEING COMMITTED TO SPENDING
THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH ME,
WHAT MORE DO YOU
NEED TO DO TO PREPARE?
LOOK AT ME, BETTE.
I DON'T FEEL QUALIFIED TO
BE THE MOTHER OF A CHILD
WHO'S HALF AFRICAN-AMERICAN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
IT MEANS TO BE BLACK.
I THINK I CAN MAKE
A CONTRIBUTION
IN THAT DEPARTMENT.
AND DON'T YOU THINK, ON
TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE,
TO ALSO HAVE TWO MOMS,
THAT IS A LOT OF OTHERNESS
TO PUT ON ONE CHILD?
YOUR REACTION TO
MARCUS ALLENWOOD,
HOWEVER HONEST
IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN,
COMES ACROSS TO BETTE
LIKE A REJECTION
OF HER IDENTITY.
I LOVE BETTE,
AND I LOVE WHO SHE IS.
I JUST WASN'T READY
FOR HOW I WOULD REACT.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SAYS TO ME?
THAT WE'RE NOT READY TO
HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER?
"BECAUSE SARAH SHUSTER CAME DOWN
"AND NOW SHE REVILES YOU
LIKE YOU REVILE
YOUR OWN CRAVING."
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
YOU SCARE ME SOMETIMES.
I SEE YOU GOING
RIGHT TO THAT EDGE,
AND I THINK I'VE LOST YOU,
AND THEN YOU COME BACK WITH...
AND I KNOW WHY YOU HAD
TO DISAPPEAR ON ME LIKE THAT.
I'M SO FUCKING PROUD
TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.
I'M SO PROUD TO
HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.
DO YOU KNOW THAT?
THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANTED TO GET THIS
AFTERNOON BEFORE MY GAME.
I'M GOING TO GO DO THAT.
HMM. I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT TIME DOES MILK START?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
ASK DANA TO GO?
YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS
ARE JUST GOING TO
HAVE TO WORK THAT OUT.
WELL, I'M SURE SHANE'S
GOING TO BE THERE.
YEAH, WHY NOT?
OF COURSE SHE IS.
OH, REALLY?
HOLD ON.
WHERE YOU GOING?
I DON'T KNOW.
DOESN'T THE
PROGRAM START AT 7:30?
YEP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME.
YOU CAN GO OUT
WITH ALICE AND SHANE
IF YOU WANT.
SHIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T GO.
YEAH, BETTE'S GIVING
AN ART TALK AT THE C.A.C.
YEAH. NO.
ALL RIGHT. HAVE FUN. BYE.
WHEN SHE LOOKS AT YOU,
SHE'S NOT LOOKING
AT A BLACK WOMAN
OR A WHITE WOMAN.
SHE'S LOOKING AT
THE WOMAN SHE LOVES.
SHE SEES WHAT SHE WANTS TO SEE.
MAYBE SHE SEES
WHAT YOU LET HER SEE.
I MEAN, MAYBE THIS
WASN'T IMPORTANT BEFORE.
MAYBE WHAT'S WORKED BEST
FOR YOU ALL THESE YEARS,
GETTING YOUR PRETTY THINGS
AND, YOU KNOW,
PUTTING TOGETHER
YOUR PRETTY LIFE,
IS THAT YOU LET PEOPLE
SEE WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?
NOTHING.
JUST...
MAYBE IT'S BEEN EASIER
FOR YOU THAT WAY.
THAT'S NICE.
THAT'S REALLY NICE.
OH, COME ON. DON'T WALK OUT.
OH, COME ON, GIRL.
DON'T WALK OUT OF HERE.
DON'T WALK OUT
OF HERE LIKE THIS.
WE'VE GOT TO STOP
DOING THIS TO EACH OTHER.
WE?
OKAY, I'VE GOT TO STOP DOING IT.
I'M THE ONE THAT
ALWAYS RAN AWAY, OKAY?
BUT DON'T DO WHAT I DID.
STAY, HEAR ME OUT,
BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO SAY
WHAT YOU THINK I'M GOING TO SAY.
THERE'S...
THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
THAT CUTS ACROSS
ALL OUR REALITIES.
IT'S LOVE,
THE BRIDGE BETWEEN
ALL OUR DIFFERENCES,
AND YOU HAVE SO
MUCH LOVE IN YOUR LIFE.
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO
TEAR DOWN THAT BRIDGE?
WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
SO YOU CALLED SHANE, RIGHT?
I THOUGHT YOU DID.
I THOUGHT YOU DID.
I TOLD YOU TO CALL HER.
I SWEAR YOU SAID
YOU WERE CALLING.
NO, I SAID, "YOU CALL HER."
HOW DO WE DRAW THE LINE
THAT SIGNIFIES WHETHER AN
IMAGE READS AS PORNOGRAPHY?
I MEAN, WHO GETS TO
SAY WHAT PASSES AS ART
AND WHAT IS OBSCENITY?
THE DEBATE
HAS BEEN TAKEN
UP BY LAURIE PAPOU
IN A SERIES OF PAINTINGS
ENTITLED A GROUP OF SEVEN.
PLEASE WELCOME LAURIE.
[APPLAUSE]
SO, LAURIE,
TO WHAT EXTENT IS
THIS BODY OF WORK
MEANT TO BE READ AS A NARRATIVE?
SHE'S AWESOME, YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
SHE IS, ISN'T SHE?
SOMETIMES I FORGET.
YOU TWO ARE A REALLY
BEAUTIFUL COUPLE.
I MEAN THAT.
YOU'RE REALLY BEAUTIFUL.
WHY IS IT SO DEPRESSING?
BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME FACES,
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT,
WEEK AFTER WEEK.
FLOATING CLUBS, FLOATING GIRLS.
OH.
SHE'S CUTE.
SHE'S BEEN WITH TWO OF MY EXES.
I'M STAYING OUT OF
THAT VICIOUS CYCLE.
IT'S AMAZING.
THIS IS WHERE I COME
WHEN I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.
SOMETIMES WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP,
I...
LIE DOWN RIGHT HERE
AND I WATCH THE SUN RISE.
THIS IS VULGAR, I KNOW,
BUT THE TWO OF YOU
ARE JUST SO FUCKING SEXY.
NO OFFENSE.
IT'S HARD TO TAKE
OFFENSE AT THAT.
I'M GOING TO GET A DRINK.
CAN I GET EITHER
OF YOU ANYTHING?
I'M GOOD, THANKS.
NO, THANKS. I'M FINE.
ALL RIGHT.
SEE?
HE'S HITTING ON US.
HE IS.
GOD, THAT HASN'T
HAPPENED IN A WHILE.
I HAVE A THOUGHT.
IT MIGHT BE CRAZY.
WHAT?
I KNOW YOU'RE OVULATING.
DO YOU THINK HE'S ATTRACTIVE?
IS HE A GOOD ARTIST?
WHO CARES?
WHAT ABOUT DAN FOXWORTHY?
OH, FUCK DAN FOXWORTHY.
IT'S OUR LIFE.
WE DON'T NEED HIS PERMISSION
TO DO WHAT WE
THINK IS RIGHT FOR US.
AND YOU'RE OKAY...
I WANT TO HAVE A BABY WITH YOU,
AND IF WE MAKE IT TOGETHER,
THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME
TO KNOW IT'S OUR BABY.
OKAY.
YEAH?
YEAH.
YOU SURE?
YEAH.
SHE'S NOT MY TYPE.
SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE'S
BEEN AROUND THE
BLOCK A FEW TIMES,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
OH, OH, OH.
NOW, SHE'S CUTE,
AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HER BEFORE.
IS IT POSSIBLE?
FRESH MEAT.
NEW BLOOD.
CRISPY.
UH-UH.
JUST LOOK AT ME, OKAY?
[♪♪♪]
TINA,
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE BETTE WET?
IT WOULD BE REALLY NICE
IF YOU MADE LOVE TO TINA
WHILE I'M MAKING LOVE TO YOU.
IT'S NOT GOING TO
HAPPEN THAT WAY.
HOW IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN?
I THINK YOU SHOULD
MAKE LOVE TO TINA
WHILE TINA MAKES LOVE TO ME.
OKAY, THAT'S COOL.
WHY DON'T YOU TWO...
LIE DOWN?
WHAT'S THAT?
WHAT?
IN YOUR HAND.
IT'S A CONDOM, OTHERWISE
KNOWN AS A RUBBER.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH IT?
WELL, SOME WOULD SAY
I'M BEING CONSIDERATE.
WE DON'T WANT YOU TO USE IT.
WHY?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
WE JUST DON'T. OKAY?
OH, MAN.
THAT'S GREAT.
WHENEVER DYKES WANT
TO HAVE SEX WITH A GUY,
IT'S ONLY BECAUSE THEY'RE
TRYING TO STEAL HIS SPERM?
IT AIN'T HAPPENING, GUYS.
BYE, GUYS.
SEE YOU.
GIVE ME A CALL LATER.
OH, YEAH.
WANT TO COME TO MY PLACE?
OH, PLEASE.
I'M NOT THAT DESPERATE.
FUCK YOU, ALICE.
NEITHER AM I.
DANA!
WHAT?
I'M JUST...
I DON'T WANT TO BE
ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE
WHO SLEEPS WITH HER FRIENDS.
NEITHER DO I.
RIGHT, OKAY.
LET'S NOT HAVE SEX.
NO, NEVER.
OKAY.
NEVER.
THAT WAS REALLY CRAZY.
I THOUGHT IT WAS A GENIUS PLAN.
YOU DID?
YEAH.
WERE YOU TURNED ON BY HIM?
NO.
THIS IS YOU.
JENNY?
THAT YOU?
I'M COMING.
YOU SMELL DIFFERENT.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A NEW PERFUME.
I LIKED THE OLD ONE BETTER.
OKAY, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO YOU.
COME HERE.
IT'LL BE FUN.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS,
BECAUSE I'VE ONLY
SLEPT WITH TWO GIRLS
MY WHOLE LIFE,
AND I SWEAR TO GOD,
IF YOU REPEAT THAT,
I WILL HAVE TO KILL YOU.
MM. DON'T WORRY.
YOUR REPUTATION AS A STUD
IS TOTALLY SAFE WITH ME.
OKAY.
OKAY.
SO...
OH, GOD.
OKAY. NAME NAMES.
OKAY.
THERE WAS THE COUNSELOR
AT TENNIS CAMP
WHEN I WAS 15,
WHICH YOU KNOW ABOUT.
MM-HMM. NAME.
SHE'S FAMOUS NOW. I
CAN'T TELL YOU HER NAME.
OH, GOD.
OKAY, UH, RALPH.
WE'LL CALL HER RALPH.
OKAY, NOW, SECOND NAME.
MELANIE.
MEL...
I KNEW IT.
I ALWAYS...
I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT.
NO, YOU DIDN'T, BUT I KNEW.
OKAY, LET'S SEE
HOW MANY PEOPLE IT TAKES
TO LINK YOU AND ME.
WHATEVER.
THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
OKAY.
MELANIE SLEPT WITH HEATHER.
OKAY.
HEATHER SLEPT WITH BROOKE.
HEATHER SLEPT WITH BROOKE?
YES.
BROOKE SLEPT WITH NINA,
AND I SLEPT WITH NINA.
SEE THAT?
WOW, YEAH.
SO, FOUR.
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
THAT IS HOW MANY PEOPLE IT TAKES
TO LINK YOU TO ME.
OKAY.
OKAY, SO YOU AND TINA.
OH, WELL, THAT'S EASY.
ONE.
OKAY.
OKAY, I GET IT.
OOH, OOH.
OKAY, I HAVE A GOOD ONE.
HERE. CHECK IT OUT.
REALLY GOOD.
I KNOW.
NOW, SHE LEADS US
RIGHT BACK TO SHANE.
OH, GOD.
RIGHT.
NOW, SHE COULD HAVE
US HERE ALL NIGHT.
IT'S LIKE THIS
WHOLE, CRAZY,
TINY, LITTLE WORLD.
CRAZY, YES...
BUT NOT TINY.
[♪♪♪]
I'M SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
COME HERE.
JEN...
JEN, YOU AWAKE?
OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
JEN...
BREAKFAST IS READY.
HEY.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING UP THIS EARLY?
I'M GOING HOME.
FROM?
NEVER MIND.
YEAH.
YOU TOTALLY JUST
GOT LAID, DIDN'T YOU?
AH, YOU SEE?
NOW, THAT GIVES ME HOPE,
BECAUSE I LOVE KNOWING
THAT TWO PEOPLE WHO'VE
BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG
CAN STILL MAKE EACH
OTHER THAT HAPPY.
WELL...
YEAH.
ANYWAY, UM...
HAVE A GOOD MORNING.
OKAY.
OKAY. I'M GOING TO GO.
OKAY. 'BYE, GUYS.
YOU BE GOOD.
I'M GOING TO TRY.
SEE YOU.
[♪♪♪]