The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 6, Episode 14 - Brother Tom - full transcript

♪ Well, we're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie

♪ Fish don't fry
in the kitchen

♪ Beans don't burn
on the grill

♪ Took a whole lot of tryin'

♪ Just to get up that hill

♪ Now we're up
in the big leagues



♪ Gettin' our turn at bat

♪ As long as we live,
it's you and me, baby

♪ There ain't nothin' wrong
with that

♪ We're movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To a deluxe apartment
in the sky

♪ Movin' on up
♪ Movin' on up

♪ To the East Side
♪ Movin' on up

♪ We finally got
a piece of the pie ♪

Are you sure you can't stay?

Well, we'd love to,
but Lionel and I are
meeting friends for dinner.

Yeah, these days,

dinner is one of the three most

important things
in Jenny's life.



Oh, yeah,
what are the other two?

Breakfast and lunch.

Oh, now, Lionel,
you know that isn't true.

I only had one meal today.
Really?

Yeah.
And I'm still having it.

So long, Florence.

Goodbye.
You kids have a nice time.

Oh, we will.
After dinner,

Lionel's taking me
to see Love Story.

Love Story?

That's been on TV three times.

I know. But love means
never having to say,
"I've seen it already."

Yeah, I know what
you mean, Lionel.

When women are pregnant,
you gotta pamper 'em.

That's right, you do.

Oh, wait a minute.
How did you pamper me?

Come on, Weez.
There were plenty of times.

Don't you remember
when you were pregnant

and I came home and found you
scrubbing the kitchen floor

on your hands and knees?

That's right.

He went right out
and bought me a mop.

Good night.
Good night.
See you all.

So long.
Oh, hi, everybody.

Hello.
Hi, Ma.

Hey, I thought
you two were having
dinner with Peggy and Steve.

We are.
As a matter of fact,

they're waiting for us
right now at Minnelli's.

Minnelli's?
Jenny, you ain't
gonna like it there.

They got the smallest
portions in town.

Oh, yeah, I know.
But they also have
the biggest booths.

Goodbye, honey.
Good night.

See you all.
Take care. Okay.

Hey, what are you two
doing tonight?

Nothing.
Good.

I'd like you to
come up to our place.

Sorry, we're busy.

Huh? You just said we
weren't doing anything.

Yeah, I know, but I forgot,
I gotta stay home and, uh,

help Florence water the plants.

Two of my friends from
high school are coming over.

We haven't been
together in 25 years.

25 years?

I wonder what
my old high school
friends are doing.

Well, if they're like you,

they're probably
still in high school.

Well, that's a lot
better than your friends.

What friends?
I rest my case.

Well, see you
around 8:00, Louise.

Sure.
No way.

Oh, come on, George.
It'll be fun.

Wayne and Donna will only
be in town for a few days.

Oh? Are they here on
business or pleasure?

Well, a little of both.

They're here for the fight
at the Garden on Sunday.

Wayne's a part owner
of Kayo Coolidge.

Your friend owns
Kayo Coolidge, the fighter?

Well, he just owns
a piece of him.

Oh, yeah? Well, look,
you better hurry and get
upstairs and get things ready.

We'll be up there
at 7:30.

George, Helen said 8:00.

Weezy, we need time to talk.

Helen ain't seen
her friends in 25 years.

But you've never seen them.

Right. We got
a lot to catch up on.

See you later!
Bye! Bye!
Um...

All right!

George, what are you up to?

Look, Weezy, that fight
has been sold out for weeks.

You know how long
I've tried to get tickets?

George, I don't want you

nagging them for fight tickets.

I'm not gonna nag nobody.

I'll just say
something subtle
like, you know,

"Man,
it's been weeks since
I've seen a good busted nose."

George, you are not
using your friendship
with Helen to get tickets.

Of course I ain't.

Helen and me ain't friends.

Can you believe
we used to look
like this?

Oh, yeah. Uh...

Hey, isn't that Martha Hobbs?

Oh, it sure is.

Will you look at her
standing next to her
father's Cadillac?

Look at the size of that hog!

Oh, come on. Martha
doesn't look that heavy.

I'm talking about the car.

See,
a Cadillac's called a hog
because it hogs the road.

Oh.

Hey, how about a toast
to the good old days?

Good idea. Good...
Hey, I got one.

All right.

Uh...

"I've laid in the ghetto,
cold and numb.

"I've fought with the rats
and the roaches some.

"Worked 60-hour weeks,
and never got no raise.

"So how come we call them
the good old days?"

Right on.

Amen.
I heard that.

Um, uh, cheers.

Mmm. Smooth as
the devil's tongue.

Smooth as a
three-cushion bank shot.

Smooth as the hand of a deacon.

Smooth as a...

Uh...

Cheers!

Oh, I'll get it.
Oh, no, I will.

You guys
go ahead and chat.
Okay.

Oh, uh, well...

So, you and Helen
went to school together.

Yeah, we had some great times.

On weekends,
the three of us used to
get together and really cook.

Oh, yes.
Helen's always
been a marvelous cook.

You ought to try her lasagna.

Uh, no, Tom.
Not cook on the stove.
Cook on the dance floor.

Oh, oh. Uh, the dance floor,
of course.

Oh, I do a mean samba.

Donna and Wayne Tompkins,
Louise and George Jefferson.

Hey, how you doin',
bro?
How are you?

All right.

Helen's told us a lot about you.

I understand that
you're both from Harlem?

Oh yeah, but we fought
our way out of there.

Hey, everybody,
why don't
we all sit down?

Yeah, sure. Ah.

So,
you're from uptown, too.
Yeah.

Say,
you ever been to
Minton's on 118th?

Oh, Minton's? Sure!

George and I used to
go there all the time.

You remember
the night we went
to hear Dizzy Gillespie?

Girl, what are
you talkin' about?

I can still hear that
"be-bop" in my sleep.

I know.

When I used
to go to Minton's,
I used to do the dolo.

Y'all remember that, huh?
That was my specialty.

And my specialty
was pretending
I didn't know him.

I'll join you.

Now you're cooking.

I got the feeling back.

Come on, Donna.

Hey, let's go, girls.

Oh, why not!

Come on, Tom.

Oh, all right...
Hey.

Whoa!
Whoa!

Man, that brings back memories.

Yeah,
you know Minton's
reminds me of boxing.

Boxing?

Yeah, I used to always
go there before the fights.

I love boxing.

Really?
I'm a boxing fan myself.
No!

Yeah.
As a matter of fact,

I'm part owner of Kayo Coolidge.

He's fighting at
the Garden this weekend.

Yeah. I think I heard
something about that.
Yeah?

You know, uh,

since you're a fight fan
and everything,

I was thinking maybe you...

Nah.
No, go on, go ahead.

Okay.
Uh, would you like to...

Uh...
Nah, I don't
think you'd want...

I would, I would! Ask!

Okay. You wanna
bet on the fight?

Yeah! What?

I was just tryin' to...

Drum up a little business.
Oh, uh.

Oh, Wayne,
you always
were a hustler.

You think he's bad now?

You should've seen
this boy when I met him,

in his sharkskin suit
and velvet sky.

Uh, sky?

That means hat, Tom.

Oh, of course it does.

Would anyone like another drink?

No, thanks.
I'm all right.

Hey,
you think I was flashy,
you should've seen Donna.

She'd start Tuesday getting
dressed for Saturday night.

And the way she'd look,
all five of them days
came back proud.

Well, I tried.

But I didn't
look like nothin'
compared to you.

Walkin' around with all
that pomade in your hair.

Hey, I remember.

That stuff gave my hair
so many waves

it made me seasick.

Man,
what we suffered through.
Oh, man.

Yeah, I use to have a cowlick.

I remember
I used to paste it
down and it would pop up.

I'd paste it down again,
it would pop up again.

I must have gone through
20 cans of Wildroot.

When I first met George,
he had a process.

Well, but it didn't work.
So I came back to Brylcreem.

"A little dab'll do ya!"

Oh, George, I never knew
you conked your hair.

But even that didn't work.

Yeah, George wanted
to look like Duke Ellington,

but he ended up
looking like Moms Mabley.

All my friends
called me Alfalfa.

Duke Ellington. Hmm.
Hmm.

Helen, remember the night

we went to Birdland to hear him?

Do I ever.
We snuck in.

Yeah, we used to sneak in
a lot of places, too.

Especially the fights,
when I didn't have
no ticket.

Man, we got away
with murder, didn't we?

Oh, I used to
do some sneaky things
when I was young, too.

A friend of mine
worked at the country club

and sometimes we'd sneak
onto the tennis courts
and play for free.

One day,
we played three sets
without getting caught.

Were we crazy!

You know, speaking of Birdland,

do you still
have that great old
Charlie Parker record

that was made there?

Oh, I think so.

Would you
like to hear it?
Sure.

Then come on
in the living room
and I'll play it for you.

What's it called?

Oh, uh, Scrapple From the Apple.

Girl, it is my
all-time favorite.

Uh, wait a minute, Helen.

Your favorite?
I didn't know that.

Well, Tom, I haven't
played it in years.

Oh.
Come on, Willis.

Oh, no, no, thanks, George.
Uh, you go ahead.

What's wrong with you?
You look like you're
in another world.

From another world
is more like it.

Well, whatever world
you're from,

you look like
you just swallowed it.

Oh, it's you, Willis.

Oh, hi, George.
What's happening?

I'll tell you
what ain't happening.

This conversation.

Oh, wait a minute, George.
I've got a problem.

Well, stop eating so much.

I'm serious, George.

It's about Helen
and her friends.

You see, being with
the three of them last night

made me feel so...

So, uh...

Oh, I don't know.
So white.

Well, then go out
and buy a sunlamp.

Now, let me explain, George.

Uh, all of a sudden
I feel that Helen
is missing something.

Some happiness because of me.

So I need your help.

What do you want me to do,
teach you how to be black?

Oh, could you?

You're jivin'.

You're not jivin'.

Okay, Willis, great.

If you want me
to make you black,
I'll make you black.

Oh, great.
Where do we start?

Well, first
you gotta go out and
buy five cans of spray paint.

Oh, George.
Don't be ridiculous.

Oh, yeah, you're right.
Make it 10 cans.

Oh, George.

Well, Willis,
what the hell do
you expect me to do?

This is the stupidest thing
I ever heard in my life!

Please, George.
I'd do anything
if you'll help me.

Anything?
Yeah.

Okay. If you get Helen's
friends down here tonight

so I can ask Wayne
for a ticket for the fight,

I'll help you be black.
Is it a deal?

It's a deal. Brother!

Hey, easy. Hold it.

You might be heavy,
but you ain't my brother.

I've already done
some research. See?

"The Dictionary
of Black Language."

Forget it, Willis.

Look,
soul ain't something
they can put in a book.

Well, sure it is, George.

It's, uh, page 58, I think.

Let's see.
Oh, here it is.

"Soul.
A spirit undetectable

"by thought or
mental observation."

You really think
that's gonna help you?

If I'm lying,
then grits aren't groceries.

Say what?

I mean, uh,
"grits ain't groceries."

Uh, look.
Forget the book, Willis.

Come on.
Let's start over here.

I'm gonna
teach you some things that
you can't learn in the book.

Oh?
Okay, first,

take a look at yourself
in the mirror.

Yeah.
Everything you see
is wrong.

Even my sweater?
It's brand new.

Never mind that.
Let me see you walk.

Oh, sure. Where to?

Just back and forth right here.

I wanna check out your style.

All right.

Style, none!
Okay, hold it, Willis.

I've seen enough.
Look, the main thing,

if you wanna be black
is you got to be cool.

Everything you do, do it cool.

Now stand back.

I see. You have
to shake it about a bit.

Right. Right. Now, don't
stand there like a fool.

Follow me and be cool.

That's it, Willis.
Hey, hey.

See.

Put some dip in your hips.

Put some soul in your stroll.

Put some glide
in your stride.
There you go.

How am I doing?
Hey, beautiful.
Walk it on out.

Come on, walk it out.

Hey. Yeah.

Hey, hey.

Yes?

Very funny, George.

Come on, Willis,
that's part of your lesson.

Look, to be black,
you've got to have
a sense of humor.

Oh, yeah, I... I think
I could understand that.

I mean we should all look
for the brighter side of life

because without some kind
of optimistic viewpoint

our minds would tend
to stagnate and...

That's another thing.
White people talk too much.

That ain't cool.

Oh, well,
what do black people do?

Well, we've got
a kind of shorthand.

See,
because we're so much
smarter than you are,

we don't need
as many words to
say the same thing.

I didn't realize that.
Sure!

Okay. Two white dudes
meeting on the street

who haven't seen
each other for a while.

Say, hey there, how are you?

Fine, thank you.
And yourself?

Sensational.
How's business?

Oh, I can't complain.

Swell.
Things are going
smoothly with me, too.

Ah, glad to hear that.

Well, see you later.

Bye.

Let's have lunch sometime.
Okay.

Now, two black dudes
sayin' the same thing.

Hey, bro.

Say, blood.

What's happening?

Nothing to it.
I heard that.

Later. Solid. Hey.

That's fascinating.

See, Willis,
all these years you've
been talking like a chump.

Yeah, George,
I guess I have.
No, no, see.

Hold it right there.
Now you just let me
call you a chump.

That ain't cool!

If you were black,
you wouldn't let me
get away with that.

Well, I'm not sure I understand.

Look, Willis, we don't let
nobody get the best of us.

If somebody sounds on you,
you sound back on them
one better.

We think on our feet.

Here, look,
I'll show you what I mean.

Florence.

Your cooking tastes
like dog food.

That's 'cause
I'm cooking for a Chihuahua.

See, Willis? That's all
there is to it, chump.

Oh, I think
I understand, turkey!

Hey, that's it, Willis.
Lay five on me.

Sure, George. Have
you got change for $20?
No!

Oh, this is really
a nice surprise.

I'm so glad you all dropped by.

Look,
it just goes to prove
what I always said, Weezy.

You cannot keep
fight fans apart.
Right, Wayne?

Uh, wonder what's keeping Tom?

Yeah, and he seemed
so anxious for us all
to get together again.

He should be here any minute.

He said he had to pick
something up at the store.

What? Why didn't he tell me
he was going to the store?

He could've
picked up a copy
of my boxing magazine.

Oh, I want to see
if they printed
my letter to the editor

about adding more seats
to the Garden. You know?

Hey, bro.

Tom, what's that on your head?

What? Oh, this.
While I was out
I picked up a new sky.

Say, you're really
looking bad tonight, Tom.

Bad? Oh, uh, bad! Right.

Thanks, bro.

Hey, some wine, Willis?
Great, blood.

Hey, by the way, Louise.

Thanks for havin' us
over to your crib.

You know how much
Helen and I enjoy

shakin' it up with
you and my main man.

Tom, uh,
why don't you get me
another glass of wine?

Well, right on, baby.
Here you are.

But first give me a little
taste of that brown sugar.

Ah.

Tom! What in the hell
do you think you're doing?

Uh, I believe the term
is "struttin' your stuff."

No, Tom. The term is
"making an ass of yourself."

Oh, yeah?
Well, you cook
like a Chihuahua.

Yo mama.
Ah!

Helen!

Hey, Helen!
What are you doin'?

I am strutting your stuff
into the other room.

And take that off!

Hey, easy with the sky!

Okay, Tom.

You are up to something.
Now, what is it?

No, Helen.
Not "what is it?"

What it is?
What it is?

Tom!

Oh, Helen.
I was just trying to fit in.

Where? Bellevue?

No, with you and your friends.

Oh, oh, oh, I see!

So good old massah Tom

thought that he would
entertain the colored folks

with a honest-to-goodness,
down-home plantation
minstrel show.

Oh, Helen, you don't understand.

I understand perfectly.
You were patronizing
my friends.

Patronizing them?

Why, I was just
talking their language.

What do you mean,
"their language"?

Well, they're black.

Well, so am I,
but you never acted
like that around me.

I know. And I'm sorry.

Tom, what are you talking about?

Oh, I saw what a good time
you were having last night,

and well, I want you to be able

to have fun like that with me.

Look,
are you saying that
we don't have fun together?

No, but last night
made me realize
what I've done to you.

Done to me?
Yes, Helen.

I've kept you from being black.

Well, you could have fooled me.

Oh, I don't mean
from looking black.

I've kept you from being black.

Look, Tom. You haven't
kept me from anything.

I am black and I wouldn't
have it any other way.

Oh I know that,
Helen, but...
Listen, Tom.

Look, there are a lot
of people in this world

who see you and me
as being different.

But I never thought
that you were one of them.

Look, remember when you
asked me to marry you?

You told me,
"love is color blind."

And you were right.

I loved you then, Tom.
And I love you now,

just the way you are.

Oh, Helen.
I love you, too.

Oh, hey, Helen.

Yes, dear?

You'll always be
my main squeeze.

Right on!

Uh, excuse me, everybody.

Helen and I were just talking.

I... I'm sorry
I acted so silly tonight.

Um, I was
just trying to fit in,
but I made a big mistake.

No, no, Tom,
we made the mistake.
We acted even worse.

Last night we made you
feel like an outsider
in your own home.

Yeah, Tom.
Wayne's right.

We're really sorry.

Tell you what, Tom.

I've got one extra ticket
to the fight tomorrow night.

How about you joining us

and we'll get better acquainted?

Well, uh...

Hey, come on, Willis.

Well, actually, Wayne,
I think my friend George

would probably
enjoy the fight more.

Well, whatever you say.
George, I'd love to have you.

Oh, thanks a lot, Wayne.

Hey, what do you think
of my man Willis here?

He's not such a bad guy,

for a honkey.

Honkey, George?

Well, you ain't no brother.

A brother
wouldn't have been
caught dead doing that

white bread waddle
you was doing here tonight.

Well, George, I may be a honkey,

but I'm no fool.

Wayne,
I think I'd like to
go to that fight after all.

Hey, Willis,
what are you
talking about?

You heard me.

Hey, Willis,
but you're my bro!
You're my main man.

How about it?
For old times' sake.

What do you say?

You're begging, George,

and that ain't cool.

♪ Movin', movin' on up ♪

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