The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 5, Episode 23 - Louise's Convention - full transcript

♪ WELL, WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪

♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT A PIECE
OF THE PIE ♪



♪ FISH DON'T FRY
IN THE KITCHEN ♪

♪ BEANS DON'T BURN
ON THE GRILL ♪

♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYIN' ♪

THAT HILL ♪
GET UP
♪ JUST TO

♪ NOW WE'RE UP
IN THE BIG LEAGUES ♪

♪ GETTIN' OUR TURN AT BAT ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME, BABY ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T
NOTHIN' WRONG WITH THAT ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪



♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT A PIECE
OF THE PIE ♪♪

I'M STARVED.

SO AM I.

LUNCHEON IS SERVED.

WHAT IS IT?

I USED TO MAKE THIS
AT THE COMMUNE.

IT'S DESERT DELIGHT.

DESERT DELIGHT?

WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

CHECKING FOR LIZARDS.

IT'S VEGETABLES, WHEAT GERM,
ALFALFA SPROUTS,

CACTUS MILK
AND POWDERED SPLEEN.

SOUNDS DELICIOUS.

WHAT YOU WAITING FOR?

I THOUGHT
AN ALFALFA SPROUT MOVED.

DON'T BE SILLY.
YOUR MOUTH IS GONNA LOVE IT.

MY STOMACH MIGHT HATE IT.

I DON'T WANT
THE TWO OF THEM ARGUING.

WHERE'S YOUR PLATE?

I'LL GRAB A BURGER
AND FRIES LATER.

I'LL GET IT!
I'LL GET IT!

I'LL GET IT.

YOU TWO ENJOY YOUR MEAL.

BOY, THAT WAS GOOD.

HI, MOM.

HI.

I HOPE I'M NOT
INTERRUPTING.

WE'RE FINISHING LUNCH.

BEFORE IT FINISHES US.

GUESS WHAT... THE HELP CENTER
CHOSE ITS DELEGATES

TO THE NATIONAL CONVENTION
IN LOS ANGELES.

WHO'S GOING?

TWO DESERVING
INDIVIDUALS.

EVELYN AND JOANNE?

NO. THEY'RE A
WELL-ROUNDED TWOSOME.

DOLLY PARTON!

HERE'S A CLUE:

I'M LOOKING AT ONE.
YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE OTHER.

YOU MEAN...

YOU AND ME!

CONGRATULATIONS!

WE WON!

WE'RE REPRESENTING
THE HEALTH CENTER.

WE DIDN'T WIN ANYTHING.

THAT'S TRUE.

WE WON, GIRL!
WE WON!

WHAT IS ALL
THE SHOUTIN' ABOUT?

GUESS WHERE
THEY'RE GOING.

THE FUNNY FARM,
THE WAY THEY'RE ACTING.

WE'RE GOING
TO CALIFORNIA.

CALIFORNIA!

♪ CALIFORNIA, HERE I COME ♪

♪ RIGHT BACK
WHERE I STARTED FROM ♪

♪ WHERE BOWERS OF FLOWERS
BLOOM IN THE SPRING ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA ♪♪

WOULD YOU GET
BILLY DEE WILLIAMS'S AUTOGRAPH?

WE'LL BE THERE
TALKING BUSINESS.

I'M TALKING BUSINESS.
I'LL GIVE YOU $5.00
FOR IT.

WHEN ARE
YOU LEAVING?

TWO WEEKS FROM SATURDAY
FOR ONE GLORIOUS WEEK.

I CAN'T WAIT!

TWO WEEKS
FROM SATURDAY?

WHAT'S WRONG?

WE'LL BE GONE ON THE 30th.

THAT'S MY 28th
WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

THAT'S BAD NEWS.

SURE IS.
28 YEARS WITH MR. JEFFERSON
AIN'T A MARRIAGE.

IT'S A LIFE SENTENCE.

THE DATE ISN'T IMPORTANT.

YOU CAN EXPRESS YOUR LOVE
FOR EACH OTHER ANY DAY.

I KNOW, BUT...

SOMETHING ELSE
IS BOTHERING YOU.

WELL, GEORGE HATES IT
IF I'M NOT HERE.

YOU'VE BEEN AWAY
FROM GEORGE BEFORE.

HAVEN'T YOU?

NEVER?

DAMN!

THAT IS BAD NEWS.

GEORGE LIKES SOMEONE HERE
WHEN HE GETS HOME.

HE ONLY IGNORES YOU.

HE LIKES SOMEONE
TO IGNORE.

WE'LL BE HERE.

HE CAN IGNORE US.

WHAT IF HE
WANTS A SANDWICH?

I CAN HANDLE THAT.

HE LIKES
HIS MAIL SORTED.

I CAN HANDLE THAT.

HE HATES
SLEEPING ALONE.

YOU CAN HANDLE THAT.

EXPLAIN TO HIM
HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS TO YOU.

HE'LL UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M AN IDIOT.

I'M GOING TO TELL
TOM THE NEWS.

IF GEORGE WERE LIKE
YOUR FATHER, WE WOULDN'T
HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

THEN MR. JEFFERSON
WOULD HAVE ONE.

HE'D BE WHITE.

I WASN'T TRYING
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE
OF YOU, HOWARD.

MR. JEFFERSON...

CALL ME GEORGE.

GEORGE.

YOU CAN
CALL ME HOWIE.

ALL RIGHT, HOWIE.

THE RESTAURANT OWNERS'
MEETINGS ARE CLOSED
TO OUTSIDERS.

I'M NO OUTSIDER.
I'VE BEEN EATING
IN RESTAURANTS FOR YEARS.

WHY DO YOU WANT TO
GET INTO THIS MEETING?

MY WIFE AND I
ALWAYS LOOK FOR
NEW PLACES TO EAT.

AND WHO KNOWS BETTER
THAN RESTAURANT OWNERS?

YOU CAN'T FOOL ME.

YOU WANT
TO HUSTLE THE OWNERS
FOR NEW BUSINESS.

YOU'RE TOO SHARP
FOR ME TO FOOL YOU.

UNCLE MARTIN MADE ME
SALES MANAGER OF
HIS RESTAURANT CHAIN

BECAUSE I HAVE
GOOD BUSINESS SENSE.

HE MADE
A DAMN GOOD CHOICE.

BUT WHAT WOULD UNCLE MARTIN
SAY TO A CLEANING CONTRACT

THAT SAVED HIM 5%?

5%?

I MEANT 10%.

WOW! 10%!

RIGHT.
JUST GET ME
INTO THAT MEETING.

FOR 10%, HE MIGHT
MAKE ME VICE PRESIDENT.

I MIGHT MAKE
SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT
FOR 20%.

20%?

20%! IT'S A DEAL.

UNCLE MARTIN
WILL BE SO PROUD OF ME.

JUST GET ME
INTO THAT MEETING.

YOU DRIVE
A HARD BARGAIN.

WELL, I HOPE YOU LEARNED
SOMETHING ABOUT BUSINESS.

BE CAREFUL
AROUND A PRO.

I'D HAVE
GIVEN YOU 25%.

I'D HAVE
TAKEN 15%.

JEANIE.

YES, SIR.

PUT DOWN A MEETING
WITH HOWARD BENSON

THE LAST TUESDAY
OF THIS MONTH.

TUESDAY IS BOOKED.

CANCEL IT.

I'LL TELL YOUR WIFE
YOU CAN'T MAKE IT
FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY.

THAT AIN'T MY ANNIVERSARY,
IS IT?

I'M AFRAID SO.

I MISSED THE LAST TWO.

THREE.

I CAN'T MISS
ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY.

SHOULD I CALL
YOUR WIFE?

NO. PUT BENSON'S NAME DOWN
AND ORDER A DOZEN ROSES.

YOU CAN'T BRIBE
MRS. JEFFERSON
WITH A DOZEN ROSES.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAKE IT TWO DOZEN.

HOW'S MY DINNER?

FINE, BUT IT WON'T
MAKE NO DIFFERENCE.

MR. JEFFERSON CAN BE
A VERY UNDERSTANDING
HUSBAND.

ARE WE TALKING
ABOUT THE SAME MAN?

I'LL USE
THE RIGHT APPROACH.

YOU CAN GET ARRESTED
FOR HUSBAND BEATING.

FLORENCE.

I'M REPRESENTING
THE HELP CENTER
AT THE CONVENTION.

I'M GOING, AND
YOU'LL HAVE TO
LIVE WITH THAT.

NO, THAT WON'T WORK.

GEORGIE,

GUESS WHAT.

YOUR LITTLE WEEZY-POO
HAS BEEN ASKED TO GO
TO LOS ANGELES.

AND I'LL BE GONE
ALL WEEK.

WHAT DO YOU SAY,
GEORGIE-POO?

FAT CHANCE, WEEZY-POO.

JUST CALL HIM
FROM CALIFORNIA.

TELL HIM
YOUR CROSSTOWN BUS
GOT HIJACKED.

HE'D NEVER
BELIEVE THAT.

WOULD HE?

HOW WILL I TELL GEORGE?

TELL ME WHAT?

GEORGE,
YOU'RE HOME.

TELL ME WHAT?

HOW MUCH
I MISSED YOU TODAY.

I MISSED YOU, TOO.

I MISSED YOU MORE.

I MISSED YOU MORE.

HERE.

WHAT ARE THESE?

ROSES FOR THE PERSON
WHO MAKES THIS HOUSE
WORTH COMING HOME TO.

OH, THANK YOU,
MR. JEFFERSON.

NOT YOU!

WEEZ.

THANK YOU, GEORGE.
BUT WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE
A GREAT WIFE.

FLORENCE, PUT THESE
IN SOME WATER.

THEY SMELL WONDERFUL.

THEY SMELL FISHY TO ME.

SPEAKING OF SMELLING,
WHAT'S THAT COOKING?

YOUR FAVORITE... RIBS.
I COOKED THEM MYSELF.

I KNEW FLORENCE DIDN'T.

THERE AIN'T NO SMOKE.

GEORGE, YOU LOOK TIRED.

RELAX AND I'LL
MAKE YOU A DRINK.

NO, YOU SIT DOWN.

I'LL MAKE YOU
A DRINK.

YOU ARE SO CONSIDERATE.

YOU'RE THE ONE
THAT'S SO THOUGHTFUL...

COOKING ME RIBS
AND ALL.

WELL, MY DAY WASN'T
NEARLY AS HARD AS YOURS.

MY DAY WASN'T HARD...

JUST THE USUAL
DIRTY CLOTHES.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.

YOU'RE ALWAYS
SO AFFECTIONATE

AND OPEN-MINDED

AND UNSELFISH.

BECAUSE YOU'RE
SO UNDERSTANDING,
FAIR, AND LOVING.

I THOUGHT Y'ALL
WAS HAVING RIBS,
NOT BULL.

THANK YOU,
SWEETHEART.

THANK YOU, PRECIOUS.

YOU KNOW, GEORGE,
OUR ANNIVERSARY
IS COMING UP SOON.

I KNOW.
WHAT ABOUT IT?

THE FUNNIEST THING
HAPPENED TODAY.

THE HELP CENTER
CHOSE HELEN AND ME

AS DELEGATES
TO THEIR CONVENTION.

THAT'S GREAT.

IT'S IN LOS ANGELES
DURING OUR ANNIVERSARY.

WHAT?

YOU HATE
BEING ALONE, BUT...

YOU'LL BE GONE THE 30th?

THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'S FANTASTIC!

YOU DON'T MIND?

YOU CAN'T PASS UP
THAT OPPORTUNITY.

I GOT TO TRY THEM RIBS.

GEORGE.

YOU REALLY
DON'T MIND?

OF COURSE NOT.
HAVE FUN.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

WHY NOT?

DEEP DOWN INSIDE,
GEORGE IS REALLY
A WARM, SINCERE,

OPEN-MINDED HUSBAND,
AND...

WHO AM I KIDDING?

WHAT'S THAT TURKEY
TRYING TO PULL?

WHAT'S HE UP TO?

HE SURE WAS
ACTING STRANGE.

HE HAD SOMETHING
ON IS MIND.

OR SOMEBODY!
WHY, THAT SNEAKY, LITTLE...

HE WOULDN'T CHEAT ON YOU.

BUT HE'S STILL
LITTLE AND SNEAKY.

HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.
I'M GOING TO GET TO
THE BOTTOM OF IT.

YOU AIN'T GOTTA GO
TOO FAR WITH HIM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?

EATING A DELICIOUS RIB.
WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?

SECRET?
THAT'S MY RECIPE.

YOUR RIBS ALWAYS
TASTE LIKE DOG FOOD.

YOU ALWAYS
WOOF 'EM DOWN, FIDO.

THE CONVENTION
IS IN LOS ANGELES.

THAT'S CALIFORNIA,
WAY OUT WEST.

SURE I HEARD YOU.

BETWEEN TIJUANA
AND LAS VEGAS.

I KNOW.
IT'S THAT WAY,

AND THE KITCHEN
IS THAT WAY.

NOW HE SOUNDS
MORE LIKE HIMSELF.

YOU'LL BE HERE ALONE
ON OUR ANNIVERSARY.

DAMN, I KNOW, WEEZ.

BUT THIS CONVENTION
IS A ONE-SHOT DEAL.

WE'LL HAVE
MORE ANNIVERSARIES.

BUT...

THE HELP CENTER
IS DEPENDING ON YOU.

I INSIST YOU GO.

YOU INSIST I GO!

OK, BUSTER,
OUT WITH IT.

OUT WITH WHAT?

WHY AREN'T YOU MAD?

SHOULD I BE?

IF YOU LOVED ME,
YOU'D BE MAD.

AND YOU'RE NOT!

YES, I AM.

YOU'RE NOT!

I'M MAD!
I'M MAD!
I'M MAD!

OK?

NOW GO TO CALIFORNIA
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THERE'S A REASON
YOU WANT ME TO GO.

THERE IS A REASON,

A BIG REASON.

LET'S HAVE IT.

WELL,
I WANT YOU TO GO

BECAUSE...

BECAUSE I'M
PROUD OF YOU.

YOU'RE PROUD OF ME?

I'M PROUD YOU WERE CHOSEN
TO GO TO THE CONVENTION.

IT'S A REAL HONOR.

I GUESS IT IS.

IT'S A BIG HONOR.

GEORGE,
I FEEL TERRIBLE.

YOU WERE BEING
CONSIDERATE,

AND I DIDN'T
TRUST YOU.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OK.
WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.

HI, HELEN.

ABOUT OUR TRIP,
WE'RE IN THE SAME BOAT.

BOAT! AREN'T
YOU FLYING?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM,
HELEN?

TOM DOESN'T WANT
ME TO GO.

THAT DOESN'T SOUND
LIKE TOM.

YES, IT DOES.
SOUNDS JUST LIKE A HONKY.

THE MASTER WANTS
TO KEEP YOU ON
THE PLANTATION FOR GOOD.

DID YOU PICK
ANY COTTON THIS MORNIN'?

IF I HAD,
I'D STUFF IT
IN YOUR MOUTH.

TOM PLANNED
A SKI TRIP
THE SAME WEEKEND.

WHAT WILL
YOU DO, HELEN?

DON'T YOU MEAN WE?

NO. WEEZY'S GOING
TO LOS ANGELES.

HE DOESN'T MIND?

WEEZY'S GOT
PACKING TO DO.

I HAVEN'T FINISHED
TALKING WITH HELEN.

CALL HER FROM CALIFORNIA...
COLLECT.

I MAY NOT GO NOW.

I COULDN'T
LET YOU DO THAT.

DON'T LET HER
DO THAT.

IT WOULDN'T BE
FUN WITHOUT YOU.

ARE YOU CRAZY?
HELEN AIN'T NO FUN.

I'LL HAVE THE CENTER
PICK ALTERNATES.

RECOMMEND
JANICE BRADLEY.
SHE'S A LAWYER.

A LAWYER
WOULD BE PERFECT.

DON'T BLOW THIS TRIP
BECAUSE OF WILLIS.

LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.

TOM'S STUBBORN
AS A MULE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO TALK
TO HER JACKASS.

WILLIS, OPEN UP.

HEY, WILLIS.

HEY, WILLIS.

DON'T SHOOT.
JUST TAKE THE WALLET.

GEORGE! GEORGE!
IT'S ONLY ME.

WILLIS!

WHO THE HELL
YOU SUPPOSED TO BE...
THE INCREDIBLE HONKY?

THIS IS MY NEW
SKIING OUTFIT.

SKIING'S DUMB.

IF YOU FELL IN THE SNOW,
THEY'D NEVER FIND YOU.

HA, HA.

YOUR FEET ARE
THE SAME SIZE
AS HELEN'S.

COULD YOU STEP
INTO HER BOOTS?

I HAVE TO
ADJUST THE BINDINGS.

LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE CONVENTION.

DO YOU BELIEVE
THEY WANTED TO FLY
TO LOS ANGELES

FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK?

YOU AIN'T WORRIED
ABOUT THE SKIING TRIP.

IT'S HELEN BEING GONE.

WELL, UH...

THIS TRIP MEANS
A LOT TO ME...
I MEAN, HELEN.

WHY ARE YOU
CONCERNED ABOUT HELEN?

I LIKE HELEN.

WHY CAN'T YOU TRUST HER
FOR ONE WEEK?

OUR MARRIAGE IS BASED
ENTIRELY ON FIDELITY.

WHAT'S A RECORD PLAYER
GOT TO DO WITH IT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT
AN HONEST RELATIONSHIP
BUILT ON TRUST.

YOU TRUST HER
TO OBEY YOU.

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
HELEN'S HER OWN PERSON.

SHE DOES WHAT SHE WANTS.

CAN SHE GO TO CALIFORNIA?

WAIT A MINUTE!
THAT'S DIFFERENT.

I WON'T ARGUE,

BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE
LIVING HERE ALONE.

WHAT?

HELEN WAS PRETTY UPSET.

IT ALWAYS STARTS
WITH LITTLE THINGS.

WHAT STARTS
WITH LITTLE THINGS?

DIVORCE.

DIVORCE!

WAS SHE
THAT UPSET?

I HEARD HER TELLING WEEZY
ABOUT CALLING A GOOD LAWYER.

LAWYER!

MAYBE I WAS
A BIT SELFISH.

WHAT'S A LITTLE TRIP
TO L.A. ANYWAY?

COME ON, GEORGE.

WAIT, WILLIS.

GEORGE WANTS YOU
TO GO?

IT TOOK ME
BACK.

IT KNOCKED
ME OVER.

HELLO?

WHO?

HOWARD BENSON.

GEORGE ISN'T HOME
RIGHT NOW.

SURE. RIGHT.

THE RESTAURANT OWNERS' MEETING
IS POSTPONED

FROM TUESDAY, THE 30th,

TO MONDAY, THE 5th.

AND YOU CAN STILL
GET GEORGE IN.

YES, I'LL MAKE SURE
HE GETS IT.

BOY! IS HE
GOING TO GET IT.

WHAT'S WRONG?

GEORGE WANTED ME AWAY

BECAUSE HE MADE
A BUSINESS APPOINTMENT
ON OUR ANNIVERSARY.

HELEN, YOU CAN
GO TO LOS ANGELES.

WE'LL SKI
ANOTHER TIME.

GEORGE CONVINCED ME
I WAS SELFISH.

HE DID, DID HE?

IT'S THE LEAST
I COULD DO.

SOMETIMES I FORGET
I HAVE SUCH A LOVING,
HONEST HUSBAND.

TOM AND HELEN
KNOW WHAT I'M LIKE.

SO DO I.

BUT SOMETIMES
WE FORGET WHAT
YOU'RE REALLY LIKE.

I DON'T.

SO I DECIDED
TO CANCEL MY TRIP
TO CALIFORNIA

SO WE COULD CELEBRATE
OUR ANNIVERSARY.

DON'T DO THAT.

WE'LL CELEBRATE
ANOTHER TIME.

THAT'S TRUE.

WHEN YOU COME BACK
FROM CALIFORNIA,

WE'LL CELEBRATE
THE ANNIVERSARY.

HOW'S THE 5th?
I'LL BE BACK THEN.

THE 5th IS PERFECT.

OK, BUT LET'S BOTH
AGREE ON THAT DAY.

I AGREE.
YOU AGREE.

AND WE'LL SPEND
THE ENTIRE DAY TOGETHER?

I PROMISE.

SHOULDN'T YOU
GET THAT IN WRITING?

I TRUST HIM,
FLORENCE.

BUT IT'S A SHAME
HE CAN'T MAKE
THAT RESTAURANT MEETING.

IT'S THE 30th.

HOW'D YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT?

MR. BENSON CALLED.

THE MEETING'S POSTPONED
TILL MONDAY, THE 5th.

WHAT?

BUT YOU'LL BE WITH ME,

CELEBRATING OUR ANNIVERSARY,
WON'T YOU?

YOU TOLD TOM
HE WAS SELFISH.

ALL ALONG,
YOU WERE USING
HIM AND LOUISE.

OH, WHAT
A TANGLED WEB
WE WEAVE!

YOU CAN WEAVE
YOUR WAY OUT.

LET'S GO, TOM.

LET'S GO, TOM.

CAN'T YOU FIND
NOTHING BETTER TO DO?

THIS IS BETTER
THAN A HOCKEY GAME.

YOU'RE THE PUCK.
THE KITCHEN'S THE GOAL.

I'M MAKIN' A SLAP SHOT.

YOU'RE SKATING
ON THIN ICE, SHORTY.

HOW COULD YOU
SAY THOSE THINGS,

TELLING ME
YOU WERE PROUD?

I AM PROUD OF YOU.

I'LL REMEMBER THAT
AT THE CONVENTION.

I WON'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO
BY MYSELF.

YES, YOU WILL.

YOU'LL HAVE A WHOLE WEEK
TO PLAN OUR ANNIVERSARY.

HEY!

YOU EVER BEEN
TO A RESTAURANT MEETING?

NO, GEORGE.

IT'S A SWELL
BUNCH OF GUYS.

YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
THE FOOD!

NO, GEORGE.

THE JEFFERSONS WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.