The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 5, Episode 20 - The Ones You Love - full transcript

♪ WELL, WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪

♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT A PIECE
OF THE PIE ♪



♪ FISH DON'T FRY
IN THE KITCHEN ♪

♪ BEANS DON'T BURN
ON THE GRILL ♪

♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYIN' ♪

THAT HILL ♪
GET UP
♪ JUST TO

♪ NOW WE'RE UP
IN THE BIG LEAGUES ♪

♪ GETTIN' OUR TURN AT BAT ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME, BABY ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T
NOTHIN' WRONG WITH THAT ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪



♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT A PIECE
OF THE PIE ♪♪

"DOES YOUR HUSBAND
WORK LATE TO AVOID YOU?"

I AIN'T MARRIED.

DOES GEORGE
FEEL THAT WAY?

MR. JEFFERSON
LOVES BEING AROUND YOU.

WHERE IS HE?

WORKING LATE
AT THE OFFICE AGAIN.

WEEZY, I'M HOME!

WHY WERE YOU
WORKING LATE AGAIN?

I HAD TO GET
REPORTS OUT.

ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?

WHAT?

I WAS JUST READING...

GUESS WHO
BLACK LIFE MAGAZINE
IS INTERVIEWING

FOR ITS NEXT ISSUE?
WHO?

ONE OF THEM IS YOU.

AND THE OTHER ONE
IS ME.

WHY WOULD THEY WANT
TO INTERVIEW US?

BECAUSE JACK JENKINS
IS OUT OF TOWN.

OH.

WHAT?

THEY'RE INTERVIEWING
COUPLES

WHO'VE BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED
OVER 25 YEARS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED
TO INTERVIEW MY LAWYER,

BUT HE WENT TO BRAZIL.

BUSINESS TRIP?

HE RAN OFF
WITH HIS SECRETARY.

THAT'S TERRIBLE!

HIS POOR WIFE.

HE LEFT A NOTE.

IS THAT ALL
HE LEFT HER?

NO, HE ALSO
LEFT HER FIVE KIDS.

HI, MR. JEFFERSON.

HI.

I NEED TO MAKE SURE
THESE LETTERS WILL FIT.

SURE! YOU'VE ALREADY
GOT THE "Z", "E".

NOW YOU NEED
THE "B", "R", "A".

ALLAN'S SHIRT
IS GOING TO SAY

"ZERO POPULATION GROWTH."

WHOEVER HEARD
OF GROWIN' ZEROS?

IT'S TO REDUCE
THE BIRTH RATE.

THE WORLD
IS OVERCROWDED.

SO IS THIS
APARTMENT.

WHEN ARE YOU
MOVING OUT?

YOU SAID HE COULD STAY
AS LONG AS HE NEEDS.

I MUST
HAVE BEEN DRUNK.

JUST DON'T BOTHER
THE GUY FROM THE MAGAZINE.

WHAT MAGAZINE?

BLACK LIFE
IS INTERVIEWING
GEORGE AND I.

THEY GOT
SOME GREAT ARTICLES.

YOU'D ONLY UNDERSTAND
HALF OF THEM!

CAN I USE THE IRON
FOR THESE LETTERS?

SURE. FLORENCE KNOWS
WHERE IT IS.

HOW WOULD SHE KNOW?
SHE NEVER USED IT.

HELLO, LOUISE.
IS ALLAN HOME?

NO. HE'S STILL
LIVIN' HERE.

HE'S WORKIN'
ON A T-SHIRT.

IF HE'S BUSY...

TOM IS ASKING
ALLAN TO GO SKIING.

THAT SOUNDS
LIKE FUN!

WILL HE WANT TO GO?

YOU AND ALLAN
WILL FEEL RIGHT AT HOME

UP THERE
IN ALL THAT WHITENESS.

HI, FOLKS.

YOU WANT TO GO SKIING?

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU SKIED.

NO, WITH YOUR FATHER.

OK!

IT'LL BE
THE PERFECT

FATHER AND SON
WEEKEND.

DAMN RIGHT
IT'LL BE PERFECT!

YOU'LL BE
IN THE MOUNTAINS

AND WE'LL BE HERE.

GEORGE!

THERE'S FRESH SNOW
IN VERMONT.

YOU'D BETTER HURRY
BEFORE IT MELTS.

YOU CAN DRIVE UP
TONIGHT.

I'LL BUY YOU
A SKI OUTFIT.

I HAVE MY JACKET.

WHAT IF
WE SEE SOMEONE?

WE'LL SAY HELLO.

WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK
IF YOU DRESS LIKE A...

LIKE A BUM?

ALLAN, YOUR FATHER
DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I'LL WEAR
WHAT I WANT.

I CAN'T SUGGEST
ANYTHING!

IF I SAID
SKI IN YOUR JACKET,

YOU'D WANT
A NEW SKI OUTFIT.

DON'T BUY ME
ANYTHING.

I WON'T.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

SOUNDS LIKE
A SMALL MISUNDERSTANDING.

YOU CALL
THAT SMALL?

DID YOU HEAR THAT,
EVERYBODY?

HE CALLED ME
A FAT SLOB!

YOU CAN'T GET MAD
IF HE TELLS THE TRUTH.

THAT'S NOT
WHAT ALLAN MEANT.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH BEING FAT.

HE SAID IT AGAIN!

I MAY BE PLUMP
AROUND THE WAIST,

BUT AT LEAST
I'M NOT FAT-HEADED.

DAD...

YOUR SISTER
WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

JENNY AND I
ARE DIFFERENT.

YOU AIN'T LYIN'.

TOM, THAT'S
NOT FAIR.

I'VE ALWAYS KNOWN
DAD LIKES JENNY BETTER.

YOUR FATHER
DIDN'T SAY THAT.

TELL HIM.

HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME.

YOU'RE FORGETTIN'
YOUR SON.

I WISH I COULD!

TOM!

POOR ALLAN.

POOR US.
HE'S STILL HERE.

WE'VE GOT
TO CONVINCE ALLAN

THAT TOM
DIDN'T MEAN IT.

THAT WAS SOME ARGUMENT.

ARGUMENT.
THAT'S IT.

WHAT'S IT?

WE'LL FAKE AN ARGUMENT

TO SHOW THAT PEOPLE SAY
THINGS THEY DON'T MEAN.

GEORGE, I THINK
AN AQUARIUM WOULD LOOK NICE.

WHAT?

WHY CAN'T I BUY ONE?

IF YOU WANT ONE,
GO BUY ONE.

YESTERDAY YOU SAID
YOU DIDN'T WANT AN AQUARIUM.

I DID?

OH, RIGHT!
I HATE AQUARIUMS.

JUST BECAUSE
YOU HATE FISH

DOESN'T MEAN
I CAN'T HAVE FISH AS PETS.

GET A PARROT!

WHY?

YOU CAN TALK TO THEM.
FISH ARE BORING.

THEY'RE NOT!

PEOPLE WHO WATCH FISH
ARE TWICE AS BORING.

WHAT?
PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

ARE YOU SAYING I'M BORING
BECAUSE I LIKE AQUARIUMS?

EVERY TIME YOU OPEN
YOUR MOUTH TO TALK,

I OPEN MINE TO YAWN.

I'M SO BORING
THAT YOU'D WORK LATE

TO AVOID
BEING AROUND ME?

I'D RATHER
SPEND AN EVENING
WITH KING TUT!

COME ON, LOUISE.
IT'S YOUR TURN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
I'M BORING?

COME ON, YOU TWO!

IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK.

THANKS ANYWAY.

WELL, WE TRIED.

ANSWER ME!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
I'M BORING?

WEEZY, IT'S OVER.
HE'S GONE.

I DON'T CARE
WHO'S GONE.

WHY DID YOU
SAY THAT?

BUT IT OUT AND
QUIT ACTING STUPID.

SO NOW I'M STUPID, TOO!

BORING AND STUPID.

YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE.

BORING, STUPID,
AND IMPOSSIBLE.

A TRIPLE THREAT!

I GIVE UP.

EXCUSE ME.
I'M GOING TO HELEN'S.

BUT THE MAN
FROM THE MAGAZINE
WILL BE HERE!

I'D JUST PUT HIM
TO SLEEP ANYWAY.

HOW COULD I
SAY THAT?

WHAT A LOUSY
FATHER YOU ARE!

ARE YOU SURE
I'M FUN TO BE WITH?

LOUISE, YOU'RE A BARREL
OF LAUGHS.

ALLAN GAVE ME THIS
WHEN HE WAS 10.

"TO THE WORLD'S
GREATEST FATHER."

WHY CAN'T THINGS
BE LIKE THAT?

ALL YOU DO
IS SAY "I'M SORRY."

I'M SORRY.

TO ALLAN.

AM I INTERESTING?

YES.

HE MIGHT NOT
SPEAK TO ME.

REALLY?

THANK GOODNESS!

GEORGE!

WEEZY.

WEEZY, I...

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK TO YOU.

GOOD, BECAUSE I WANT
TO TALK TO HER.

THAT WAS HER.

WHAT?

SHE DOESN'T WANT
TO BORE YOU.

WOULD WE STAY MARRIED
FOR 28 YEARS

IF I THOUGHT
YOU WERE BORING?

I JUST WANT
TO BE A GOOD FATHER.

YES, DEAR.

GET MY ANSWER
FROM LOUISE.

SHE'S MY WIFE!

AND SHE'S MY WIFE.

COME ON, WEEZY.

SHE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE

WITH SOMEBODY WHO FINDS HER
BORING, STUPID, AND IMPOSSIBLE.

I NEVER SAID THAT!

YES, YOU DID,
SHORTY.

SHORTY?

I ADDED THAT MYSELF.

IF THIS IS TRUE,

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE
I GOT KICKED IN MY STOMACH,

LIKE THE MOST IMPORTANT
THING IN MY LIFE IS GONE?

THAT'S THE NICEST THING
YOU'VE EVER SAID.

THAT'S FROM HER.

ARE YOU COMING?

YES, DEAR.

SEE HOW EASY
IT IS?

YOU COULD DO
THE SAME WITH ALLAN.

THE MAGAZINE REPORTER
WILL BE HERE.

SO THAT'S IT!

WHAT MAGAZINE?
BLACK LIFE.

WHAT'S HE HERE FOR?

TO INTERVIEW US.

WHY?

BECAUSE WE'RE
HAPPILY MARRIED.

YOU STAY HERE
AS LONG AS YOU WANT!

MR. JEFFERSON?

I'M ALBERT FOX
FROM BLACK LIFE.

LET ME TAKE
YOUR COAT.

YOU ALREADY HAVE.

NICE PLACE
YOU HAVE HERE.

WELL, IT SUITS SOMEONE
IN MY PROFESSION.

OH?

I OWN THE JEFFERSON
DRY CLEANERS.

SEVEN CONVENIENT
LOCATIONS.

ONE NEAR YOU!

IT'S NOT TURNED ON.

SHALL WE
GET STARTED?

SURE.

WHERE IS YOUR WIFE?

I CAN SPEAK
FOR US BOTH.

THE PURPOSE IS TO TALK
WITH MARRIED COUPLES.

SHE'S NOT
FEELIN' WELL.

LET'S CANCEL
THE INTERVIEW.

NO. WRITE DOWN
THE QUESTIONS

AND I'LL BRING
HER ANSWERS TO YOU.

WHY CAN'T I ASK HER
IN PERSON?

BECAUSE SHE'S GOT
A CONTAGIOUS RASH.

YOU CAN'T
GET NEAR HER.

THERE SHE IS.
HELLO.

HELLO.

NO, THAT'S OK.

I'M ALBERT FOX.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

EXCUSE ME.
I'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

NICE WOMAN,
YOUR WIFE.

SHE AIN'T...

OH!

THAT SWEET WOMAN
IS MORE THAN JUST A WIFE.

SHE'S PACKING UP
SOME DISHES

TO GIVE TO SOMEBODY
LESS FORTUNATE.

I THOUGHT
SHE WASN'T WELL.

NOTHING STOPS HER
FROM BEING KIND AND GENEROUS.

COULD I ASK YOU
SOME QUESTIONS?

IF IT'S OK
WITH THE BOSS.

YOU CALL HIM THE BOSS?
THAT'S CUTE!

HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

WHAT TWO?

YOU AND THE BOSS.

THROUGH AN AGENCY.

AN AGENCY?

HE NEEDED SOMEBODY,

AND THE AGENCY
SENT ME OVER.

THAT'S NOT VERY ROMANTIC.

BUT WE'VE
BEEN HAPPY.

DON'T TOUCH ME!

I FORGOT.
THE RASH.

WHAT HAPPENED
WHEN YOU GOT HERE?

I FOUND OUT
WHAT PLEASED HIM

AND SAID OK.

MR. JEFFERSON,
YOU'RE A FAST WORKER!

WHAT'S THIS FOR
ANYWAY?
I'M...

LET ME HELP YOU.

STAY OUT
OF HIS WAY.

WHO IS HE?

AN IRS AGENT
CHECKING TAX RETURNS.

I DON'T SEND MY TAXES
UNTIL APRIL.

THEN HE'S LOOKIN'
FOR YOU!

COULD I GET YOUR WIFE
TO SIT DOWN?

WELL, THAT'S WHERE
HER RASH HURTS THE MOST.

I'LL BE BACK.

HEY, MR. JEFFERSON.
HERE'S YOUR CLEANIN'.

FLORENCE NEEDS SOMETHING
PICKED UP.

SHE AIN'T HERE.

THERE SHE IS.

HI, MARCUS.
YOU WANT THE CLEANIN'?

I'LL GET IT.

TAKE THESE.

HELLO,
I'M ALBERT FOX.

MARCUS HENDERSON.

WHY DID YOU CALL
MRS. JEFFERSON "FLORENCE"?

I DIDN'T.

YES, YOU DID.

STOP CALLIN' PEOPLE
BY THEIR MIDDLE NAMES.

DID I MISS
SOMETHIN'?

IT'S "LOUISE FLORENCE
JEFFERSON."

I DIDN'T KNOW
HER MIDDLE NAME
WAS FLORENCE.

SHE DOESN'T WANT US
TO GET CONFUSED

WITH THE REAL FLORENCE.

WHO'S THAT?

THE DOG.
THE MAID.

COULD I HAVE
A DRINK OF WATER?

RIGHT HERE.

DRINK ALL YOU WANT
IN PRIVATE.

HERE, MARCUS.

THANKS, FLORENCE.

IS MR. FOX GONE?

NO, BUT YOU ARE.

SO ARE YOU.

WHERE AM I GOIN'?

TRY YOUR HOPE CHEST.

NOBODY WILL
LOOK FOR YOU IN THERE!

WEEZY!

I REALIZE YOU
DON'T THINK I'M BORING.

YES, I DO.

COME BACK LATER
AND I'LL CHANGE MY MIND.

YOU'RE SHOWING ME
HOW SILLY I WAS.

MR. JEFFERSON!

YOU'RE THE REPORTER
FROM BLACK LIFE.

YES.

DID GEORGE TELL YOU

HOW MUCH IN LOVE
WE ARE?

DOES YOUR WIFE KNOW?

HI, MRS. JEFFERSON.
THANKS FOR THE DISHES.

MRS. JEFFERSON?

YES?

THEN WHO ARE YOU?

NOBODY SPECIAL,
AND MY TAX RETURN IS FINE.

WHY WOULD HE CARE
ABOUT YOUR TAX RETURN?

HE'S CHECKING
TAX RETURNS.

I'M A WRITER
FROM BLACK LIFE.

I THOUGHT
YOU WERE WITH THE IRS.

THAT'S FUNNY.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE HIS WIFE.

THAT AIN'T FUNNY.

LET ME HELP YOU,
FLORENCE.

SO YOU'RE FLORENCE.

YES, FLORENCE JOHNSTON.

J-O-H-N-S-T-O-N.

MR. JEFFERSON SAID
FLORENCE WAS THE DOG.

NO, HE JUST TREATS ME
LIKE ONE.

WELL, I'D BETTER GO.

GEORGE!

OK, I'LL EXPLAIN
EVERYTHING.

THIS IS MY REAL WIFE.

WE'VE BEEN HAPPILY
MARRIED FOR 28 YEARS.

ONLY IT WASN'T SO HAPPY
BEFORE YOU ARRIVED.

YOU HAD AN ARGUMENT.

HOW'D YOU KNOW?

EVERY COUPLE I'VE INTERVIEWED
HAS ADMITTED THEY ARGUE.

NO KIDDIN'!

IT'S GOOD TO ARGUE?

A PERSON TAKES
THE TIME TO ARGUE

BECAUSE THEY CARE.

MY DAD MUST THINK
THE WORLD OF ME!

ALLAN, I WANT TO...

I'M WILLING
TO FORGIVE AND FORGET.

THAT WAS EASIER
THAN I THOUGHT.

MR. FOX CAN CONTINUE

TO INTERVIEW ME
AND THE REAL MRS. JEFFERSON.

I'M OUT OF A JOB?

ONLY IF YOU
DON'T GET LOST.

SEE IF
I MARRY YOU AGAIN!

DAD, I'LL SHOW YOU
MY T-SHIRTS.

DO YOU WANT ONE?

I'D BE PROUD
TO WEAR ONE.

ISN'T THAT NICE?

LET'S GET ON
WITH IT.

GOOD IDEA.

HOW LONG
DO YOUR ARGUMENTS LAST?

SOMETIMES FOR DAYS.

USUALLY
FOR A FEW MINUTES.

YES.

WE SETTLE THEM
RIGHT AWAY.

SOMETIMES WE MAKE UP

BEFORE WE KNOW
WE'VE BEEN ARGUING!

YOU CALLED ME FAT!

I SAID YOU NEEDED
AN EXTRA-EXTRA-LARGE T-SHIRT.

WAIT!

OK, YOU'RE SKINNY.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

NO, I HATE LIARS.

MY INTERVIEW'S
BEING MESSED UP

BY A ZEBRA
AND A JACKASS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M NOT
FINISHED YET!

YOU ARE!

THAT WAS AWFUL!

LET'S FINISH
THE INTERVIEW.

APOLOGIZE
TO TOM AND ALLAN.

I AIN'T APOLOGIZING!

YOU WILL.
NO!

SHUT UP AND...
SHUT UP?

I'M CONTINUING
MY INTERVIEW

ON THE HAPPY MARRIAGE
OF GEORGE AND LOUISE JEFFERSON.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP,
SHUT UP!

AND NOW,
MRS. JEFFERSON.

YOU LITTLE PIP-SQUEAK!

IF YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN,
I'LL BREAK YOU IN TWO!

THESE WORDS REPRESENT
28 YEARS OF LOVE AND DEVOTION.

I'VE GOT HALF A MIND
NEVER TO SPEAK TO YOU.

YOU ONLY GOT
HALF A MIND!

ALL YOU'VE GOT
IS HALF A MIND.

THE JEFFERSONS WAS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.