The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 4, Episode 24 - George and Louise in a Bind: Part 2 - full transcript
George and Louise, still tied up in the kitchen, recall and talk about past times while the burglar's still at work robbing their apartment.
♪ WELL, WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO A DELUXE
APARTMENT IN THE SKY ♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ WE FINALLY GOT
A PIECE OF THE PIE ♪
♪ FISH DON'T FRY
IN THE KITCHEN ♪
♪ BEANS DON'T
BURN ON THE GRILL ♪
♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYIN' ♪
♪ JUST TO GET UP THAT HILL ♪
♪ NOW WE'RE UP IN
THE BIG LEAGUES ♪
♪ GETTIN' OUR TURN AT BAT ♪
♪ AS LONG AS WE LIVE
IT'S YOU AND ME, BABY ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T NOTHIN'
WRONG WITH THAT ♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO A DELUXE
APARTMENT IN THE SKY ♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ WE FINALLY GOT A
PIECE OF THE PIE ♪♪
CAN'T WE DO SOMETHING?
BE CALM. IT'LL BE OVER SOON.
PEOPLE GET ROBBED
AND KILLED ALL THE TIME.
I WON'T LET YOU GET KILLED.
YOU'RE SCARED, TOO, AREN'T YOU?
I JUST HOPE IT AIN'T TRUE
THAT YOU TURN WHITE WITH FEAR.
YOU NEVER THINK SOMETHING
LIKE THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.
WE CAN'T JUST SIT
HERE. WE CAN'T?
LET'S GET OUR
CHAIRS BACK TO BACK.
THEN WHAT?
WE'LL UNTIE THE
ROPES AND RUN FOR IT.
WE'LL HAVE TO WALK FOR IT.
I'M IN NO CONDITION TO RUN.
REST A SECOND.
YOU KNOW...
THIS MAY BE A DUMB THING TO SAY,
BUT IT'S NICE TO
HOLD HANDS AGAIN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
DO THIS MORE OFTEN!
GEORGE, I LOVE IT
WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS
INSTEAD OF BEING GROUCHY
AND UNREASONABLE.
WHEN HAVE I BEEN UNREASONABLE?
WHEN? I CAN'T BEGIN TO
COUNT HOW MANY TIMES!
TELL ME ONE!
THE TIME POOR EDITH BUNKER
THOUGHT ARCHIE WAS GONE.
YOU KEPT MAKING
STUPID JOKES ABOUT HIM.
I NEVER JOKE ABOUT
ARCHIE BUNKER.
YES, YOU DID.
YOU KEEP STICKIN'
UP FOR THAT HONKY!
HE'S ALWAYS BAD-MOUTHIN' US.
THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN
HIS INSULTS IS HIS COMPLIMENTS.
"YOU PEOPLE GOT
SUCH NATURAL RHYTHM
FROM GROWIN' UP
WITH THEM TOM-TOMS."
AND THE BULL ABOUT
JUST BECAUSE WE BLACK,
WE CAN'T GET ENOUGH SEX.
WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S BULL!
LIGHTEN UP, LOUISE.
YOU DO HAVE RHYTHM.
ONE OUT OF TWO AIN'T BAD.
NOW YOU'VE GONE
TOO FAR! TOO FAR!
DON'T SLAM MY TABLE!
I'LL SLAM YOUR TABLE,
YOUR CHAIR, AND YOUR WALL.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU
WANT ME TO SLAM?
YES, THE DOOR
FROM THE OTHER SIDE!
YOU GOT IT!
OKAY. SOMETIMES I YELL.
I DON'T DO IT ALL THE TIME.
NO, SOMETIMES YOU RUN
TO YOUR HIDING PLACE.
WHERE YOU GOING?
SOMEPLACE TO THINK.
GEORGE, YOU'RE
TALKING LIKE A DAMN FOOL.
MAMA!
MOTHER KNOWS BEST, GEORGE!
WHAT IS THIS? GET OFF MY BACK!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
NO MORE OF THIS TALK.
WHAT WILL YOU DO ABOUT IT?
WHAT WILL I DO? I'LL TELL YOU.
I'M GOIN' TO THE JOHN.
OH, MR. JEFFERSON!
OH, I LOVE YOUR LEGS!
SIT DOWN. LET'S TALK THIS OVER.
GOOD IDEA.
HE WENT INTO THE JOHN.
YOU SAID SIT DOWN.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
AWAY FROM YOU.
YOU'RE NOT RUNNING
AWAY THIS TIME.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
TWO GROWN MEN ACTING LIKE THAT!
WHAT GROWN MEN?
THEY GET UPSET AND
RUN TO THE POTTY.
I AIN'T AS BAD AS YOU,
FUSSING OVER NOTHIN'.
WHEN DID I FUSS OVER NOTHING?
VALENTINE'S DAY, WHEN I
DIDN'T BRING YOU NOTHIN'.
YOU LET THEM WILLISES USE
ENCOUNTER TECHNIQUES ON US.
IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT?
NOW WHAT?
YOU START, LOUISE.
JUST MENTION
WHATEVER COMES TO MIND.
WHAT DO I DO? YOU ANSWER
HER WITHOUT THINKING.
JUST LIKE ALWAYS.
OKAY, GO.
HOT. COLD.
SWEET. SOUR.
GOOD. ME.
HOW DID YOU COME BY "ME"?
IT'S GOOD OF ME TO
SIT THROUGH THIS.
GEORGE! IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE SHOULD SAY WHATEVER
CAME TO HIS MIND.
HIGH. TAXES.
LOW. INTEREST.
MONEY. TRUCKS.
HOLD IT.
WHAT DOES A TRUCK
HAVE TO DO WITH MONEY?
TRUCK GOES BY CURB,
SPLASHES MUD ON SUIT,
SUIT GOES TO CLEANERS,
AND I MAKE MONEY!
THE PURPOSE OF THIS
IS TO DIG INTO
YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
BE MUCH MORE PERSONAL.
JUST FORGET THAT WE'RE
HERE. I WISH I COULD.
NOW, LISTEN...
IT WAS THE FIRST
THING I THOUGHT.
START AGAIN AND
MAKE IT PERSONAL.
MARRIAGE. RING.
SEX. SEVEN.
I SAID "SEX."
OH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID SIX!
FOR A MINUTE, HE HAD ME WORRIED!
I LIKED THE BATACAS.
LIKE THAT? NO, LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE RIGHT, HELEN. I
FEEL BETTER ALREADY!
OH, YEAH?
GET HIM, LOUISE!
GET THE JUICES FLOWING!
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN', WILLIS?
YOU'RE RIGHT. I FEEL
MUCH BETTER NOW.
ME, TOO.
NOW YOU'VE GOTTEN
RID OF THAT ANGER.
NOW YOU CAN SPEAK FREELY
AND CLEAR UP ANY
PROBLEM WITHOUT FIGHTING.
THEY DO THIS AT MEETINGS?
SOMETIMES.
WE WON'T GO, THEN.
WE'LL BEAT EACH
OTHER'S BRAINS OUT HERE.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
LOUISE WILL ALWAYS FINISH FIRST.
WE'RE GOING. MAY WE
HAVE OUR BATACAS BACK?
I GOT SOME MORE
ANGER TO GET RID OF.
LET HER HAVE IT!
OW! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
YOU SAID IT'S GOOD
FOR EVERYBODY.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'VE WANTED
TO DO THIS FOR YEARS!
STOP IT!
FIGHTIN' ON THE LORD'S DAY!
HOW WOULD IT BE IF
YOU NEVER MADE ME MAD?
A BLESSING.
IF I NEVER MADE YOU MAD?
A MIRACLE!
STAY RIGHT THERE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
I WISH I HAD A CLUB TO
HIT THAT CROOK WITH.
WHAT'S HE DOING,
MESSIN' UP THE PLACE?
FLORENCE WILL HELP
STRAIGHTEN IT UP.
HEY, REMEMBER WHEN
WE FIRST HIRED FLORENCE?
CAN I ASK YOU FOLKS SOMETHIN'?
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
YOU LIVE IN THIS APARTMENT? YES.
AND YOU GOT AN
APARTMENT HERE TOO? YES.
HOW COME WE OVERCAME
AND NOBODY TOLD ME?
NOW NOBODY CAN'T
TELL HER NOTHIN'.
I LOANED FLORENCE MY EARRINGS.
THEY WON'T GET STOLEN.
I WISH SHE WAS
WEARIN' THE TV SET.
SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR!
MAYBE WE'RE SAVED!
IT'S PROBABLY THE
AVON LADY CALLIN'!
LET'S WORK ON THESE ROPES.
IT'S NO USE. THEY WON'T BUDGE.
THE NAVY TAUGHT ME TO TIE KNOTS,
BUT NOT TO UNTIE THEM!
YOUR NAVY DAYS WERE THE
LONGEST WE'VE EVER BEEN APART.
THE GOOD PART WAS
COMING HOME ON LEAVE!
YEAH, JUST YOU AND ME.
WE SURE DID A LOT OF
WALKING IN THE PARK.
AND A LOT OF RESTIN'
IN THE BUSHES!
A HOT DOG AT CONEY
ISLAND WAS MORE FUN
THAN THE RESTAURANTS
WE GO TO NOW.
BEIN' RICH IS MORE FUN.
YOU DON'T LIKE REMEMBERING
WHEN YOU WERE POOR.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES.
FEEL BETTER? NO.
THAT WAS THE GOOD
PART OF THE DREAM.
I SLIPPED DOWN THE
LADDER INTO THE SUBWAY.
DID YOU HAVE A
TOKEN OR SNEAK IN?
I FELL IN THROUGH THE
ROOF, INTO THE "A" TRAIN.
IT WAS FULL OF ZEBRAS.
ZEBRAS WERE EVERYWHERE,
SNORTING AND STOMPING,
CHEWING AND
MESSING UP THE PLACE.
NOTHIN'S UGLIER THAN AN
"A" TRAIN FULL OF ZEBRAS.
I'M NOT GOING TO
EXPLAIN THAT ONE!
I GOT OFF AND RAN ONTO
THE "UP" ESCALATOR,
ONLY IT WAS GOIN' DOWN.
SOMEBODY HAD SWITCHED SIGNS.
THE "DOWN" ESCALATOR
HAD A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.
THE BOTTLE WAS GOIN' UP,
AND I WAS GOIN' DOWN.
AT THE BOTTOM WAS
ALL THESE COCKROACHES,
YELLIN' AND WAVIN',
"WELCOME BACK, GEORGE!"
WEEZY! WEEZY!
GEORGE, WAKE UP.
WHERE WERE YOU?
HERE. WHY WASN'T YOU THERE?
WHERE? IN MY
DREAM! I NEEDED YOU.
YOU HAD A NIGHTMARE.
THE WORST. EVERYBODY
WAS THE SAME COLOR.
IT WAS TERRIBLE. WHY?
I COULDN'T TELL THE WHITE-BLACKS
FROM THE BLACK-BLACKS.
GEORGE! THAT'S
JUST THE BEGINNING.
SUDDENLY, EVERYBODY
STARTED CHASIN' ME.
I RAN TO MONTICELLO
AND WENT TO THIS PARTY.
THOMAS JEFFERSON
WAS PLAYIN' THE VIOLIN.
WHAT'S BAD ABOUT THAT?
HE WAS USIN' ME AS THE BOW,
SCRAPIN' ME BACK AND FORTH.
DID YOU SOUND GOOD?
TERRIBLE. THE ONLY THING
WE COULD PLAY WAS "DIXIE."
GO TO SLEEP.
OKAY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
YOU'RE GOIN' WITH ME.
WHEN YOU GOT IT GOOD,
YOU'RE AFRAID IT'LL
HURT TO THINK BACK.
BUT IT DOESN'T. WE GOT
A LOT TO THINK BACK ON.
EVEN BAD TIMES SEEM GOOD NOW.
EVEN ARCHIE BUNKER
WOULD LOOK GOOD TO ME NOW.
REMEMBER WHEN WE
MOVED NEXT DOOR TO HIM?
REMEMBER OLD MAN McNABB?
REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS
GOING TO SELL HIS PLACE
TO THEM JEWS?
YOU COME AROUND WITH THAT
PETITION TO KEEP THEM OUT.
WE ALL SIGNED IT.
YOU SAVED THE BLOCK.
WELL, YOU KNOW ME.
YOU WOULDN'T DO WHAT
McNABB DID, WOULD YOU?
SELL TO JEWS? OH, NO.
THESE PEOPLE ARE BAPTISTS.
OH, THAT'S NICE.
THE TELEPHONE COMPANY
WILL PUT MY PHONE IN TODAY.
NOW I REALLY BELIEVE
THE HOUSE IS MINE!
HI, NEIGHBOR.
ARCHIE.
YOU'RE HERE EARLY.
I WANTED TO GET RIGHT TO WORK.
COULD I BORROW A PAIL?
SURE. YOU GOT YOUR
WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU.
I DON'T THINK THAT
HOUSE HAS BEEN CLEANED
SINCE HIS WIFE DIED
THREE YEARS AGO.
WAY BEFORE THAT.
THEY WAS BOTH SLOBS.
ARCHIE!
I'LL GET THE PAIL. THANK YOU.
HURRY UP, EDITH.
HOW'D YOU LIKE THE
JULIA SHOW LAST NIGHT?
FINE. HOW DID YOU
LIKE DORIS DAY?
YOU'RE IN. NO, I AIN'T. I'M OUT!
THE STOOP IS IN.
STOOPS DON'T COUNT.
STOOPS ALWAYS COUNT.
STOOPS NEVER COUNT.
DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME.
THERE YOU ARE. NOW YOU'RE IN!
SO, FINALLY THE GREAT JEFFERSON
IS INTO THE HOUSE!
ALL DUDED UP WITH A
FLOWER IN HIS LAPEL,
OR DOES THAT THING SQUIRT WATER?
IT'S REAL.
I WEAR A FRESH ONE EVERY DAY.
YOU DON'T BLOW MONEY
ON FRESH FLOWERS.
I STEAL THEM FROM
A BLIND FLOWER GIRL!
HE'S JOKING. GEORGE,
THEY DON'T KNOW YOU!
HE'S JOKING. LOUISE, I'LL
TELL THEM WHEN I'M JOKING.
I WAS JOKING.
ARCHIE, ARE YOU IN BED?
I'M LOOKIN' OUT THE WINDOW.
THE JEFFERSONS
LEFT THEIR SHADES UP.
THEY'RE PUTTING
UP NEW WALLPAPER.
HOLY COW! THEM COLOREDS
ARE WILD ABOUT STRIPES!
BUNKER, COME DOWN HERE!
THAT DON'T SOUND
LIKE YOUR VOICE, EDITH.
NO, ARCHIE. WE GOT COMPANY.
SO I SEE. THANKS
FOR LETTIN' ME KNOW!
THOSE BUNKERS
WERE SOMETHIN' ELSE.
I STILL MISS EDITH.
SHE WAS SO UPSET WHEN WE MOVED.
LOUISE, I BROUGHT YOU
SOME FRUIT FOR YOUR TRIP.
WE'RE ONLY GOING TO MANHATTAN.
WELL, SUBWAYS BREAK
DOWN SOMETIMES.
EDITH, I GUESS THIS
IS REALLY GOOD-BYE.
I KNOW.
I'LL JUST SAY SO LONG.
SO LONG, EDITH.
LOUISE.
DID I EVER TELL YOU I LOVE YOU?
EVERY MINUTE WE'VE
SPENT TOGETHER.
YOU'D BETTER GO NOW,
BEFORE WE GET AWFUL WET.
BYE, LOUISE.
I MEAN, SO LONG.
WHAT'S THE HOLDUP? YOU
HAVEN'T FINISHED PACKIN'?
JUST YOUR COFFEE MUG.
I WON'T BE DRINKIN'
OUT OF MUGS NO MORE.
FROM NOW ON, IT'S
CUPS AND SAUCERS!
COME ON, LOUISE. THE
LIMOUSINE'S WAITIN'.
LIMOUSINE?
WHAT DO WE NEED A LIMOUSINE FOR?
WE'RE LEAVING
BUNKERSVILLE IN STYLE.
COME ON, WEEZY.
THINGS ARE LOOKIN' GOOD.
YOU DESERVE THE BEST.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL
GET, THE BEST. OKAY?
HERE.
I WISH HE'D MOVE TO
A NEW NEIGHBORHOOD.
I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING AWFUL!
WORSE THAN HIM? YEAH.
WHAT IF WE WANT TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM?
I WISH YOU HADN'T SAID THAT.
♪♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO A DELUXE
APARTMENT IN THE SKY ♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ WE FINALLY GOT
A PIECE OF THE PIE ♪
♪ FISH DON'T FRY
IN THE KITCHEN ♪
♪ BEANS DON'T
BURN ON THE GRILL ♪
♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYIN' ♪
♪ JUST TO GET UP THAT HILL ♪
♪ NOW WE'RE UP IN
THE BIG LEAGUES ♪
♪ GETTIN' OUR TURN AT BAT ♪
♪ AS LONG AS WE LIVE
IT'S YOU AND ME, BABY ♪
♪ THERE AIN'T NOTHIN'
WRONG WITH THAT ♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO A DELUXE
APARTMENT IN THE SKY ♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ WE FINALLY GOT A
PIECE OF THE PIE ♪♪
CAN'T WE DO SOMETHING?
BE CALM. IT'LL BE OVER SOON.
PEOPLE GET ROBBED
AND KILLED ALL THE TIME.
I WON'T LET YOU GET KILLED.
YOU'RE SCARED, TOO, AREN'T YOU?
I JUST HOPE IT AIN'T TRUE
THAT YOU TURN WHITE WITH FEAR.
YOU NEVER THINK SOMETHING
LIKE THIS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.
WE CAN'T JUST SIT
HERE. WE CAN'T?
LET'S GET OUR
CHAIRS BACK TO BACK.
THEN WHAT?
WE'LL UNTIE THE
ROPES AND RUN FOR IT.
WE'LL HAVE TO WALK FOR IT.
I'M IN NO CONDITION TO RUN.
REST A SECOND.
YOU KNOW...
THIS MAY BE A DUMB THING TO SAY,
BUT IT'S NICE TO
HOLD HANDS AGAIN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
DO THIS MORE OFTEN!
GEORGE, I LOVE IT
WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THIS
INSTEAD OF BEING GROUCHY
AND UNREASONABLE.
WHEN HAVE I BEEN UNREASONABLE?
WHEN? I CAN'T BEGIN TO
COUNT HOW MANY TIMES!
TELL ME ONE!
THE TIME POOR EDITH BUNKER
THOUGHT ARCHIE WAS GONE.
YOU KEPT MAKING
STUPID JOKES ABOUT HIM.
I NEVER JOKE ABOUT
ARCHIE BUNKER.
YES, YOU DID.
YOU KEEP STICKIN'
UP FOR THAT HONKY!
HE'S ALWAYS BAD-MOUTHIN' US.
THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN
HIS INSULTS IS HIS COMPLIMENTS.
"YOU PEOPLE GOT
SUCH NATURAL RHYTHM
FROM GROWIN' UP
WITH THEM TOM-TOMS."
AND THE BULL ABOUT
JUST BECAUSE WE BLACK,
WE CAN'T GET ENOUGH SEX.
WE BOTH KNOW THAT'S BULL!
LIGHTEN UP, LOUISE.
YOU DO HAVE RHYTHM.
ONE OUT OF TWO AIN'T BAD.
NOW YOU'VE GONE
TOO FAR! TOO FAR!
DON'T SLAM MY TABLE!
I'LL SLAM YOUR TABLE,
YOUR CHAIR, AND YOUR WALL.
ANYTHING ELSE YOU
WANT ME TO SLAM?
YES, THE DOOR
FROM THE OTHER SIDE!
YOU GOT IT!
OKAY. SOMETIMES I YELL.
I DON'T DO IT ALL THE TIME.
NO, SOMETIMES YOU RUN
TO YOUR HIDING PLACE.
WHERE YOU GOING?
SOMEPLACE TO THINK.
GEORGE, YOU'RE
TALKING LIKE A DAMN FOOL.
MAMA!
MOTHER KNOWS BEST, GEORGE!
WHAT IS THIS? GET OFF MY BACK!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
NO MORE OF THIS TALK.
WHAT WILL YOU DO ABOUT IT?
WHAT WILL I DO? I'LL TELL YOU.
I'M GOIN' TO THE JOHN.
OH, MR. JEFFERSON!
OH, I LOVE YOUR LEGS!
SIT DOWN. LET'S TALK THIS OVER.
GOOD IDEA.
HE WENT INTO THE JOHN.
YOU SAID SIT DOWN.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
AWAY FROM YOU.
YOU'RE NOT RUNNING
AWAY THIS TIME.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
TWO GROWN MEN ACTING LIKE THAT!
WHAT GROWN MEN?
THEY GET UPSET AND
RUN TO THE POTTY.
I AIN'T AS BAD AS YOU,
FUSSING OVER NOTHIN'.
WHEN DID I FUSS OVER NOTHING?
VALENTINE'S DAY, WHEN I
DIDN'T BRING YOU NOTHIN'.
YOU LET THEM WILLISES USE
ENCOUNTER TECHNIQUES ON US.
IT WORKED, DIDN'T IT?
NOW WHAT?
YOU START, LOUISE.
JUST MENTION
WHATEVER COMES TO MIND.
WHAT DO I DO? YOU ANSWER
HER WITHOUT THINKING.
JUST LIKE ALWAYS.
OKAY, GO.
HOT. COLD.
SWEET. SOUR.
GOOD. ME.
HOW DID YOU COME BY "ME"?
IT'S GOOD OF ME TO
SIT THROUGH THIS.
GEORGE! IT'S ALL RIGHT.
HE SHOULD SAY WHATEVER
CAME TO HIS MIND.
HIGH. TAXES.
LOW. INTEREST.
MONEY. TRUCKS.
HOLD IT.
WHAT DOES A TRUCK
HAVE TO DO WITH MONEY?
TRUCK GOES BY CURB,
SPLASHES MUD ON SUIT,
SUIT GOES TO CLEANERS,
AND I MAKE MONEY!
THE PURPOSE OF THIS
IS TO DIG INTO
YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
BE MUCH MORE PERSONAL.
JUST FORGET THAT WE'RE
HERE. I WISH I COULD.
NOW, LISTEN...
IT WAS THE FIRST
THING I THOUGHT.
START AGAIN AND
MAKE IT PERSONAL.
MARRIAGE. RING.
SEX. SEVEN.
I SAID "SEX."
OH, I THOUGHT YOU SAID SIX!
FOR A MINUTE, HE HAD ME WORRIED!
I LIKED THE BATACAS.
LIKE THAT? NO, LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE RIGHT, HELEN. I
FEEL BETTER ALREADY!
OH, YEAH?
GET HIM, LOUISE!
GET THE JUICES FLOWING!
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN', WILLIS?
YOU'RE RIGHT. I FEEL
MUCH BETTER NOW.
ME, TOO.
NOW YOU'VE GOTTEN
RID OF THAT ANGER.
NOW YOU CAN SPEAK FREELY
AND CLEAR UP ANY
PROBLEM WITHOUT FIGHTING.
THEY DO THIS AT MEETINGS?
SOMETIMES.
WE WON'T GO, THEN.
WE'LL BEAT EACH
OTHER'S BRAINS OUT HERE.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
LOUISE WILL ALWAYS FINISH FIRST.
WE'RE GOING. MAY WE
HAVE OUR BATACAS BACK?
I GOT SOME MORE
ANGER TO GET RID OF.
LET HER HAVE IT!
OW! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
YOU SAID IT'S GOOD
FOR EVERYBODY.
THAT'S RIGHT. I'VE WANTED
TO DO THIS FOR YEARS!
STOP IT!
FIGHTIN' ON THE LORD'S DAY!
HOW WOULD IT BE IF
YOU NEVER MADE ME MAD?
A BLESSING.
IF I NEVER MADE YOU MAD?
A MIRACLE!
STAY RIGHT THERE.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
I WISH I HAD A CLUB TO
HIT THAT CROOK WITH.
WHAT'S HE DOING,
MESSIN' UP THE PLACE?
FLORENCE WILL HELP
STRAIGHTEN IT UP.
HEY, REMEMBER WHEN
WE FIRST HIRED FLORENCE?
CAN I ASK YOU FOLKS SOMETHIN'?
GO RIGHT AHEAD.
YOU LIVE IN THIS APARTMENT? YES.
AND YOU GOT AN
APARTMENT HERE TOO? YES.
HOW COME WE OVERCAME
AND NOBODY TOLD ME?
NOW NOBODY CAN'T
TELL HER NOTHIN'.
I LOANED FLORENCE MY EARRINGS.
THEY WON'T GET STOLEN.
I WISH SHE WAS
WEARIN' THE TV SET.
SOMEBODY'S AT THE DOOR!
MAYBE WE'RE SAVED!
IT'S PROBABLY THE
AVON LADY CALLIN'!
LET'S WORK ON THESE ROPES.
IT'S NO USE. THEY WON'T BUDGE.
THE NAVY TAUGHT ME TO TIE KNOTS,
BUT NOT TO UNTIE THEM!
YOUR NAVY DAYS WERE THE
LONGEST WE'VE EVER BEEN APART.
THE GOOD PART WAS
COMING HOME ON LEAVE!
YEAH, JUST YOU AND ME.
WE SURE DID A LOT OF
WALKING IN THE PARK.
AND A LOT OF RESTIN'
IN THE BUSHES!
A HOT DOG AT CONEY
ISLAND WAS MORE FUN
THAN THE RESTAURANTS
WE GO TO NOW.
BEIN' RICH IS MORE FUN.
YOU DON'T LIKE REMEMBERING
WHEN YOU WERE POOR.
THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE NIGHTMARES.
FEEL BETTER? NO.
THAT WAS THE GOOD
PART OF THE DREAM.
I SLIPPED DOWN THE
LADDER INTO THE SUBWAY.
DID YOU HAVE A
TOKEN OR SNEAK IN?
I FELL IN THROUGH THE
ROOF, INTO THE "A" TRAIN.
IT WAS FULL OF ZEBRAS.
ZEBRAS WERE EVERYWHERE,
SNORTING AND STOMPING,
CHEWING AND
MESSING UP THE PLACE.
NOTHIN'S UGLIER THAN AN
"A" TRAIN FULL OF ZEBRAS.
I'M NOT GOING TO
EXPLAIN THAT ONE!
I GOT OFF AND RAN ONTO
THE "UP" ESCALATOR,
ONLY IT WAS GOIN' DOWN.
SOMEBODY HAD SWITCHED SIGNS.
THE "DOWN" ESCALATOR
HAD A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.
THE BOTTLE WAS GOIN' UP,
AND I WAS GOIN' DOWN.
AT THE BOTTOM WAS
ALL THESE COCKROACHES,
YELLIN' AND WAVIN',
"WELCOME BACK, GEORGE!"
WEEZY! WEEZY!
GEORGE, WAKE UP.
WHERE WERE YOU?
HERE. WHY WASN'T YOU THERE?
WHERE? IN MY
DREAM! I NEEDED YOU.
YOU HAD A NIGHTMARE.
THE WORST. EVERYBODY
WAS THE SAME COLOR.
IT WAS TERRIBLE. WHY?
I COULDN'T TELL THE WHITE-BLACKS
FROM THE BLACK-BLACKS.
GEORGE! THAT'S
JUST THE BEGINNING.
SUDDENLY, EVERYBODY
STARTED CHASIN' ME.
I RAN TO MONTICELLO
AND WENT TO THIS PARTY.
THOMAS JEFFERSON
WAS PLAYIN' THE VIOLIN.
WHAT'S BAD ABOUT THAT?
HE WAS USIN' ME AS THE BOW,
SCRAPIN' ME BACK AND FORTH.
DID YOU SOUND GOOD?
TERRIBLE. THE ONLY THING
WE COULD PLAY WAS "DIXIE."
GO TO SLEEP.
OKAY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
YOU'RE GOIN' WITH ME.
WHEN YOU GOT IT GOOD,
YOU'RE AFRAID IT'LL
HURT TO THINK BACK.
BUT IT DOESN'T. WE GOT
A LOT TO THINK BACK ON.
EVEN BAD TIMES SEEM GOOD NOW.
EVEN ARCHIE BUNKER
WOULD LOOK GOOD TO ME NOW.
REMEMBER WHEN WE
MOVED NEXT DOOR TO HIM?
REMEMBER OLD MAN McNABB?
REMEMBER WHEN HE WAS
GOING TO SELL HIS PLACE
TO THEM JEWS?
YOU COME AROUND WITH THAT
PETITION TO KEEP THEM OUT.
WE ALL SIGNED IT.
YOU SAVED THE BLOCK.
WELL, YOU KNOW ME.
YOU WOULDN'T DO WHAT
McNABB DID, WOULD YOU?
SELL TO JEWS? OH, NO.
THESE PEOPLE ARE BAPTISTS.
OH, THAT'S NICE.
THE TELEPHONE COMPANY
WILL PUT MY PHONE IN TODAY.
NOW I REALLY BELIEVE
THE HOUSE IS MINE!
HI, NEIGHBOR.
ARCHIE.
YOU'RE HERE EARLY.
I WANTED TO GET RIGHT TO WORK.
COULD I BORROW A PAIL?
SURE. YOU GOT YOUR
WORK CUT OUT FOR YOU.
I DON'T THINK THAT
HOUSE HAS BEEN CLEANED
SINCE HIS WIFE DIED
THREE YEARS AGO.
WAY BEFORE THAT.
THEY WAS BOTH SLOBS.
ARCHIE!
I'LL GET THE PAIL. THANK YOU.
HURRY UP, EDITH.
HOW'D YOU LIKE THE
JULIA SHOW LAST NIGHT?
FINE. HOW DID YOU
LIKE DORIS DAY?
YOU'RE IN. NO, I AIN'T. I'M OUT!
THE STOOP IS IN.
STOOPS DON'T COUNT.
STOOPS ALWAYS COUNT.
STOOPS NEVER COUNT.
DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON ME.
THERE YOU ARE. NOW YOU'RE IN!
SO, FINALLY THE GREAT JEFFERSON
IS INTO THE HOUSE!
ALL DUDED UP WITH A
FLOWER IN HIS LAPEL,
OR DOES THAT THING SQUIRT WATER?
IT'S REAL.
I WEAR A FRESH ONE EVERY DAY.
YOU DON'T BLOW MONEY
ON FRESH FLOWERS.
I STEAL THEM FROM
A BLIND FLOWER GIRL!
HE'S JOKING. GEORGE,
THEY DON'T KNOW YOU!
HE'S JOKING. LOUISE, I'LL
TELL THEM WHEN I'M JOKING.
I WAS JOKING.
ARCHIE, ARE YOU IN BED?
I'M LOOKIN' OUT THE WINDOW.
THE JEFFERSONS
LEFT THEIR SHADES UP.
THEY'RE PUTTING
UP NEW WALLPAPER.
HOLY COW! THEM COLOREDS
ARE WILD ABOUT STRIPES!
BUNKER, COME DOWN HERE!
THAT DON'T SOUND
LIKE YOUR VOICE, EDITH.
NO, ARCHIE. WE GOT COMPANY.
SO I SEE. THANKS
FOR LETTIN' ME KNOW!
THOSE BUNKERS
WERE SOMETHIN' ELSE.
I STILL MISS EDITH.
SHE WAS SO UPSET WHEN WE MOVED.
LOUISE, I BROUGHT YOU
SOME FRUIT FOR YOUR TRIP.
WE'RE ONLY GOING TO MANHATTAN.
WELL, SUBWAYS BREAK
DOWN SOMETIMES.
EDITH, I GUESS THIS
IS REALLY GOOD-BYE.
I KNOW.
I'LL JUST SAY SO LONG.
SO LONG, EDITH.
LOUISE.
DID I EVER TELL YOU I LOVE YOU?
EVERY MINUTE WE'VE
SPENT TOGETHER.
YOU'D BETTER GO NOW,
BEFORE WE GET AWFUL WET.
BYE, LOUISE.
I MEAN, SO LONG.
WHAT'S THE HOLDUP? YOU
HAVEN'T FINISHED PACKIN'?
JUST YOUR COFFEE MUG.
I WON'T BE DRINKIN'
OUT OF MUGS NO MORE.
FROM NOW ON, IT'S
CUPS AND SAUCERS!
COME ON, LOUISE. THE
LIMOUSINE'S WAITIN'.
LIMOUSINE?
WHAT DO WE NEED A LIMOUSINE FOR?
WE'RE LEAVING
BUNKERSVILLE IN STYLE.
COME ON, WEEZY.
THINGS ARE LOOKIN' GOOD.
YOU DESERVE THE BEST.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'LL
GET, THE BEST. OKAY?
HERE.
I WISH HE'D MOVE TO
A NEW NEIGHBORHOOD.
I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING AWFUL!
WORSE THAN HIM? YEAH.
WHAT IF WE WANT TO
GO TO THE BATHROOM?
I WISH YOU HADN'T SAID THAT.
♪♪
♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪
♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪
♪♪