The Jeffersons (1975–1985): Season 4, Episode 14 - The Jefferson Curve - full transcript

♪ WELL, WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪

♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT
A PIECE OF THE PIE ♪



♪ FISH DON'T FRY
IN THE KITCHEN ♪

♪ BEANS DON'T
BURN ON THE GRILL ♪

♪ TOOK A WHOLE LOT OF TRYIN' ♪

♪ JUST TO GET UP THAT HILL ♪

♪ NOW WE'RE UP IN
THE BIG LEAGUES ♪

♪ GETTIN' OUR TURN AT BAT ♪

♪ AS LONG AS WE LIVE ♪

♪ IT'S YOU AND ME, BABY ♪

♪ THERE AIN'T NOTHIN'
WRONG WITH THAT ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO A DELUXE APARTMENT ♪



♪ IN THE SKY ♪

♪ WE'RE MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ TO THE EAST SIDE ♪

♪ MOVIN' ON UP ♪

♪ WE FINALLY GOT A
PIECE OF THE PIE ♪♪

THANK YOU.

HI. HOW ARE YOU?

HEY, MR. JEFFERSON! QUICK,
MARCUS. I GOT SOME PIZZA FOR YOU.

OH, THANKS. BUT I HATE PIZZA.

I DON'T CARE. ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS
EAT IT WHEN PAPA PANELLI GETS HERE.

PAPA PANELLI? OH, PAPA
PANELLI PIZZA PARLOR?

YEP. I'M TRYING TO GET
HIS CLEANING BUSINESS.

MR. JEFFERSON? YEAH.

I'M MOREY JACOBS.

SO?

WE SPOKE ON THE PHONE.

NO.

OH.

HEY! I'M-A PAPA PANELLI.

PAPA PANELLI!

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR
VOICE WITHOUT THE MUSTACHE.

YOUR NAME IS JACOBS.

WHY DO YOU CALL
YOUR PLACES PANELLI?

WHEN YOU HEAR "PANELLI,"
YOU THINK ITALIAN.

I'M GIVING THE PEOPLE
WHAT THEY WANT.

THAT'S BUSINESS.

NO, JEFFERSON. ♪
THAT'S A-MOREY ♪

YOU GET IT?

MOREY. THAT'S MY NAME.

MOREY JACOBS. ♪ THAT'S A-MOREY ♪

OH, YEAH!

YOU HAVE ONE OF MY PIZZAS.

THAT'S THE BEST PIZZA IN TOWN.

OH, YEAH. IT'S TERRIFIC!

SO YOU WANT MY
CLEANING BUSINESS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU LOOK SMALL TO ME.

I'M AS TALL AS YOU ARE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT
YOUR OPERATION.

NEXT YEAR, I'LL BE
SPREADING MY TOMATO SAUCE

ALL OVER NEW JERSEY.

AFTER YOU SPREAD
IT, I'LL CLEAN IT UP.

ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN
HANDLE A VOLUME BUSINESS?

JUNIOR'S FISH 'N CHIPS
HAS 38 LOCATIONS.

I GOT NO COMPLAINTS FROM THEM.

JUNIOR'S FISH 'N
CHIPS? WHEN DID...

HAVE SOME MORE PIZZA.

JUNIOR'S FISH 'N CHIPS

IS THE FASTEST-GROWING
CHAIN IN THE AREA.

I'M GROWING WITH THEM.

WELL, I'M GONNA TAKE
THAT INTO CONSIDERATION.

I LIKE A GO-GETTER.

OH! IN THAT CASE, WHY DON'T
YOU GO GET THE CONTRACT?

I'LL THINK IT OVER.

AS WE SAY IN THE PIZZA BUSINESS,

"HASTE MAKES PASTE."

I'LL BE IN TOUCH IN
A COUPLE OF DAYS.

OK.

AND REMEMBER...

♪ TRY MY PIZZA TODAY ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE SURE TO SAY ♪

♪ THAT'S A-MOREY ♪♪

WHEN DID YOU GET THE
FISH 'N CHIPS ACCOUNT?

I DIDN'T.

YOU TOLD MR. JACOBS YOU DID.

YOU WEREN'T LISTENING.

I SAID I GOT NO
COMPLAINTS FROM THEM.

OH.

BUT AIN'T THAT A LITTLE SHADY?

NO. IT'S DONE ALL THE TIME.

I CALL IT THE JEFFERSON CURVE.

THE JEFFERSON CURVE?

I THROW THEM WHATEVER
I WANT THEM TO KNOW.

I SEE WHY YOU'RE NUMBER ONE.

THAT'S THE ONLY NUMBER I KNOW.

WHAT ARE YOU CELEBRATING?

WE'RE CELEBRATING
YOUR HUSBAND'S BRAINS.

OH.

I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING BIG.

OH, HEY, POP.

WHY ARE YOU HERE? YOU LOST?

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN BUSY.

TOO BUSY TO SEE YOUR PARENTS?

I SHOULD BE WORKING NOW,

BUT I CAME TO SEE YOU.

WELL, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

CAN YOU STAY AWHILE?

I GOT TO GET RIGHT BACK.

WE HAVE TO GO, GEORGE.

WHERE?

YOU'VE FORGOTTEN AGAIN.

I AIN'T FORGOTTEN. FORGOT WHAT?

YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!

THE CHARITY DINNER TONIGHT.

I'M TIRED. WHY DON'T
YOU TAKE LIONEL?

I'M WORKING ON A
SPECIAL PROJECT AT NIGHT.

I HARDLY SEE JENNY ANYMORE.

THAT'S ONE GOOD
THING IN YOUR FAVOR.

UNLESS YOU GO WITH ME TONIGHT,

I'M GOING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.

WHO'S MY BEST FRIEND?

YOUR CHECKBOOK.

UNLESS YOU'RE THERE TO STOP ME,

I MIGHT MAKE
ANOTHER BIG DONATION.

SEE YOU, MARCUS.

CIAO, MR. JEFFERSON, LIONEL.

GOOD-BYE.

I'M THE REAL PAPA PANELLI.

YEAH!

I'LL TAKE TWO TO GO,

BUT HOLD THE ANCHOVIES.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

YOU CAN HELP ME
WITH THESE CLOTHES.

SAY! YOU ONE FOXY LADY.

WHERE YOU BEEN HIDIN' YOURSELF?

FROM YOU.

BE CAREFUL WITH THIS BLOUSE.

IT'S VERY DELICATE.

I BET THIS LOOKS
FANTASTIC ON YOU.

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW, WILL YOU?

I'D LIKE MY TICKET.

A ONE-WAY TICKET TO MY HEART?

A ROUND-TRIP
TRANSFER TO MY FOOT.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

HEY, LOOK...

DON'T GET UPSET.
IT'S FOR THE TICKET.

OH.

NATALIE PARKER.

NATALIE. THAT'S
A BEAUTIFUL NAME.

MINE'S MARCUS.

HI, MARCUS.

ADDRESS?

629 EAST 72nd STREET,

PENTHOUSE APARTMENT.

WHY WOULD A FOX LIKE
YOU LIVE UP IN A PENTHOUSE

WHEN YOU SHOULD BE IN FULL VIEW?

THIS FOX DOESN'T LIKE
BEING CHASED BY HOUNDS.

YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO
KEEP THEM HOUNDS AWAY.

YOU THINK YOU'RE THAT SOMEONE?

YES.

WHAT TIME SHOULD I
PICK YOU UP TONIGHT?

WHY WOULD I GO OUT WITH A
CLERK IN A CLEANING STORE?

YOU GOT IT WRONG.

EVEN NELSON ROCKEFELLER'S
DADDY MADE HIM START

BY SWEEPING UP LOOSE CHANGE.

YOU KNOW HOW FATHERS ARE.

YOUR FATHER OWNS THIS PLACE?

WELL...

HE MAKES YOU WORK AS A CLERK?

THE OLD MAN WANTS
ME TO EXPERIENCE THIS

BEFORE I MOVE INTO
THE EXECUTIVE OFFICES.

YOU GOT MOVES, ALL RIGHT.

SPEAKING OF MOVES,
DR. J. IS IN TOWN.

WOULD YOU GO TO A
BASKETBALL GAME WITH ME?

WELL, I...

I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 7:30.

I'D LOVE TO,

BUT ONLY ON ONE CONDITION.

YOU GOT TO PROMISE
NOT TO WEAR THAT HAT.

WOOO!

JEFFERSON CURVE,

YOU BREAKIN' JUST RIGHT!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

IT'S YOUR TURN.

HI, MARCUS.

HERE'S YOUR CLEANING.
SEE YOU LATER.

COME IN AND SIT DOWN.

MR. JEFFERSON WON'T MIND.

NO, BUT MY GIRL WILL.

GIRL?

WE'VE BEEN DATING A WEEK.

I HAVE TO GO PICK
UP HER BRACELET.

YOU BOUGHT HER A BRACELET?

I GOT A RING ON A FIRST DATE.

REALLY?

YEAH, BUT HE ATE ALL
THE CRACKER JACKS.

I'D LIKE TO MEET
HER. BRING HER OVER.

WELL, YOU SEE,

SHE GOES TO SCHOOL
IN CONNECTICUT,

AND SHE'LL BE LEAVING SOON.

WE'LL BE HOME TONIGHT.

TONIGHT?

WELL...

WE'RE GOING OUT TONIGHT.

I GOT TO GO. BYE, FLORENCE.

ISN'T YOUNG LOVE WONDERFUL?

I REMEMBER WHEN GEORGE
AND I STARTED DATING.

HE KNOCKED ON THE
DOOR ALL NERVOUS.

WHY WAS HE NERVOUS?

OUR DOG WAS BIGGER THAN HE WAS.

A CHIHUAHUA?

HI. I'M NATALIE PARKER.

I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU.

YOU HAVE?

DON'T BELIEVE
EVERYTHING YOU HEAR...

JUST THE GOOD THINGS.

YOUR SON ONLY SAYS
GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU.

MY SON?

[RING] WE'VE BEEN
DATING ALL WEEK.

HELLO.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

NO. NOT YOU, PANELLI.

BYE, MR. JEFFERSON.

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT LIONEL!

NOT YOU, PANELLI!

OH, LIONEL.

I'M GONNA CALL LIONEL AT WORK
AND GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

THERE MUST BE SOME EXPLANATION.

HELLO. MAY I SPEAK
WITH LIONEL JEFFERSON?

LIONEL MESSING AROUND.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

OH, HELLO, LIONEL.

HOW ARE YOU, SWEETHEART?

NOTHING, DEAR. I WANTED
TO SEE HOW YOU'RE DOING.

AND WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING.

YOU'VE BEEN BUSY EVERY
NIGHT? GIVE ME THAT PHONE.

LIONEL, HI. THIS IS YOUR FATHER.

I WANNA SEE YOU TONIGHT.

YEAH, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THE
SPECIAL PROJECT YOU BEEN WORKIN' ON.

JUST GET YOUR
BUTT OVER HERE. BYE.

IT'S TRUE! LIONEL REALLY
IS CHEATING ON JENNY!

LIONEL CHEATING ON JENNY?
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?

WE PUT TWO AND TWO TOGETHER.
AND CAME UP WITH THREE.

LIONEL, JENNY, AND
THAT OTHER WOMAN.

OH, GEORGE!

FOR SHAME, FOR SHAME!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

GEORGE, I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

LIONEL AND JENNY
SEEMED SO HAPPY!

OH, TOM!

HELLO, LOUISE.

GEORGE, I SPOKE WITH LIONEL.

YOU DID?

I KNOW WHAT HE'S GOING THROUGH.

YOU DO?

YES. I HAVE SYMPATHY FOR HIM.

DOES JENNY KNOW ABOUT LIONEL?

OF COURSE.

HOW DID SHE FIND OUT?

LIONEL TOLD HER, OF COURSE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
THESE KIDS TODAY.

HOW'S JENNY TAKING IT?

OH, SHE UNDERSTANDS. SHE DOES?

YES. SHE'LL BE GLAD WHEN
LIONEL'S PROJECT IS FINISHED.

HE WON'T HAVE TO PUT
IN SO MUCH OVERTIME.

OVERTIME?

OH, YES. OVERTIME.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

WITH LIONEL WORKING LATE,

WE HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET
TO THE SWEDISH FILM FESTIVAL.

WOULD YOU LIKE IT?

NO.

GOOD-BYE.

LIONEL'S FOOLING AROUND
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

NOTHING. YOU'LL BE LATE.

I'D LIKE AN EXPLANATION.

THE EXPLANATION IS
FLORENCE IS A DUMMY.

LOUISE,

IS LIONEL REALLY FOOLING
AROUND WITH ANOTHER WOMAN?

I'M AFRAID SO.

OH, MY POOR BABY.

TO THINK WE TRUSTED LIONEL,

AND NOW THIS.

ONLY THE LORD CAN
SAVE THAT MARRIAGE.

HE'LL HAVE TO SAVE YOU
IF YOU DON'T BUTT OUT.

YOUR SON CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER?

WHAT ABOUT HER?

OBVIOUSLY SHE
AIN'T GIVIN' LIONEL

WHAT HE NEEDS.

HE NEEDS A PUNCH IN THE MOUTH.

ARE YOU THREATENING HIM?

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF
JENNY WERE YOUR DAUGHTER?

TERRIBLE. I'D BE WHITE.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

WILL YOU TWO STOP IT?

WE CAN'T LET HELEN FIND OUT.

JUST DON'T TELL HER.

HELEN, GUESS WHAT!

LIONEL AND JENNY...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

AREN'T WE GOING
TO THE FILM FESTIVAL?

WHAT FESTIVAL? OH, YES.

WE HAVE AN EXTRA TICKET, LOUISE.

I WON'T BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.

MAYBE NEXT TIME, GIRL.

WHAT WERE YOU GOING
TO TELL ME ABOUT LIONEL?

UH, LIONEL...

TOM THINKS IT'S A SHAME

THAT LIONEL CAN'T
GO WITH YOU TONIGHT.

I'LL BE HAPPY

WHEN LIONEL'S
PROJECT IS FINISHED.

IT WON'T BE LONG.

JENNY, WHAT DID
YOU HAVE FOR DINNER?

NOTHING.

I HATE EATING ALONE.

YOU SHOULDN'T GO
OUT WITHOUT EATING.

GO FIX A SANDWICH.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WE HAVE PLENTY OF TIME.

THANKS A LOT.

I WAS GOING...

YOU'RE WELCOME.

IS SOMETHING GOING ON?

[COUGH]

HELEN.

HELEN, I THINK YOU'D
BETTER SIT DOWN.

TOM, WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'LL GET RIGHT TO THE POINT.

YOU SEE...

I HAVE THIS FRIEND
WHOSE SON-IN-LAW

HAS BEEN SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN.

HIS PARENTS AND
FATHER-IN-LAW KNOW,

BUT HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW
AND DAUGHTER DON'T KNOW.

LIONEL'S SEEING ANOTHER WOMAN?

OH, LOUISE!

OH, HELEN!

YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?

THIS IS LIONEL'S FAULT.

QUIT HOLLERIN'!
JENNY'S GOING TO HEAR.

HEAR WHAT?

THE END OF THE MOVIE.

MR. JEFFERSON SAW IT ALREADY.

MAMA, ARE YOU UPSET?

UPSET?

YES... ABOUT THE
ENDING OF THE MOVIE.

I ALMOST FEEL LIKE CRYING.

DON'T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS.

FLORENCE, GO KEEP HER IN THERE.

OK, BUT KEEP NOTES.

I DON'T WANT TO
MISS NONE OF THIS.

WE'LL ALL WAIT FOR LIONEL.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

HELLO. MRS. JEFFERSON?

YES?

I'M NATALIE PARKER.

I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET
YOUR SON DOWNSTAIRS...

THAT'S HER!

THE OTHER WOMAN.

ARE YOU SURE YOU
DON'T WANT NO TOMATO?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WE'RE GIVING A SURPRISE PARTY.

COME OUT WHEN
WE YELL "SURPRISE."

WHO'S THAT GIRL?

GIRL?

WHAT GIRL?

THE ONE YOU PUSHED
INTO THE BATHROOM.

OH!

OH! THAT'S THE PLUMBER.

SINCE WHEN DO
PLUMBERS DRESS LIKE THAT?

AT $25 AN HOUR,

THEY CAN DRESS
ANY WAY THEY LIKE.

WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU'RE
ALL ACTING VERY STRANGE.

WE CAN'T KEEP IT FROM HER.

WHAT?

YOU'RE RIGHT,
HELEN. YOU TELL HER.

YOU SEE...

[DOORBELL RINGS]

LIONEL!

HI, MRS. WILLIS.

YOU TALKED LIONEL INTO
TAKING THE NIGHT OFF.

HEY, JENNY!

HEY. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M STILL YOUR WIFE.

YOU MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN,
BUT I CAN PROVE IT.

I GOT THIS MOLE ON...

I REMEMBER!

HOW DARE YOU DO THAT?

IT'S OK. WE ARE MARRIED.

OH, GEORGE.

I'M REALLY ASHAMED OF YOU.

WHAT?

WHY DID YOU CALL ME HERE?

SO THAT'S IT.

THIS WAS TO GIVE ME A SURPRISE.

SURPRISE!

WHO'S SHE?

THE PLUMBER.

CASANOVA, WORM YOUR
WAY OUT OF THIS ONE.

SO YOU'RE THE PLUMBER.

HI. I'M LIONEL JEFFERSON.

IT'S NO USE, LIONEL. WE KNOW.

KNOW WHAT?

ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.

WHAT GIRLFRIEND?

DON'T LOOK AT ME.

PITIFUL. HE CLINGS TO THE LIE.

WHEN THE TRUTH IS
STARING HIM IN THE FACE.

SOMEBODY TELL ME
WHAT'S GOING ON.

I WANT TO TELL YOU...

HOLD IT!

ARE YOU ALL CRAZY?

I'M NOT THE PLUMBER.

I CAME TO FIND OUT WHY
YOUR SON STOOD ME UP.

WOMAN, I DIDN'T STAND YOU UP.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU.

THEN WHO?

HAVE YOU SEEN...

THANK GOD! IS YOUR
FAMILY ALWAYS THIS CRAZY?

MY FAMILY'S REAL CRAZY.

GOOD NIGHT, FOLKS.

MARCUS!

TELL US WHAT'S GOING ON.

LATER, MOM.

MOM?

MARCUS! YOU COME BACK IN HERE.

LATER... I PROMISE, DAD.

DAD?

COME BACK HERE.

WHERE IS THIS MOM
AND DAD COMIN' FROM?

OK.

LOOK AT NATALIE.

SHE LIVES IN A PENTHOUSE.

WHEN SHE CAME TO THE STORE,

I KNEW SHE'D NEVER
LOOK AT NOTHIN' LIKE ME,

SO I SORT OF GAVE
HER THE IMPRESSION

THAT MR. JEFFERSON
WAS MY FATHER.

YOU MEAN THESE
AREN'T YOUR PARENTS?

NO. I'M MARCUS HENDERSON...

PART-TIME CLERK
AND FULL-TIME LIAR.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, TOO.

WHAT MADE YOU
TELL A LIE LIKE THAT?

YOUR FATHER.

ME?

YOU REMEMBER...
THE JEFFERSON CURVE.

OH, NO! NOT THE
JEFFERSON CURVE AGAIN.

I'VE STRUCK OUT ON
THAT ABOUT 100 TIMES.

I'M SORRY.

I HOPE YOU'VE LEARNED A LESSON.

I SURE HAVE.

GOOD-BYE, NATALIE.

YOU'RE NOT STANDING ME UP.

YOU'LL STILL GO OUT WITH ME?

UNLESS YOU LIED ABOUT
THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT ME.

NO WAY.

WELL, ALL RIGHT!

CAN I PICK 'EM,

OR CAN I PICK 'EM?

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

I FEEL LIKE I JUST
LOST A KID BROTHER.

WELL, LIONEL, JENNY.

WE'RE GLAD YOU'RE
BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

AREN'T WE GOING WITH YOU?

OH, YES.

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

SO LONG.

GOOD NIGHT.

I'LL TELL HIM.

THAT WAS MR. JACOBS.

PAPA PANELLI?

HE WAS MAD.

HE KNOWS YOU DON'T HAVE
THE FISH 'N CHIPS ACCOUNT.

OH, NO.

THEN HE SPOKE IN A
DIFFERENT LANGUAGE.

ITALIAN.

NO. DIRTY.

I GUESS I LOST THAT ACCOUNT.

NEVER MIND. AT LEAST YOU
HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.

NOTHIN' WENT RIGHT TODAY.

♪♪ [HUMMING]

[WOMAN] THE JEFFERSONS WAS
VIDEOTAPED IN FRONT OF A STUDIO AUDIENCE.