The IT Crowd (2006–2013): Season 4, Episode 5 - Bad Boys - full transcript
Roy, having bet Jen he can go all day without saying 'Have you tried switching it off and on again?' and Moss are caught up in a bomb scare in town, which they use to play truant from work, Moss stealing some 'Grand Design' DVDs from a store. Back at the office Jen is subject to hiring and firing chief Ben Genderson threatening to sack her. Moss is arrested but when the bomb deactivating robot fails to work Roy says 'Have you tried switching it off and on again?', thus losing his bet though Douglas was too busy watching the bomb coverage on TV to sack anybody and the 'bomb' package turns out to be a balloon - which scares Roy when it goes 'pop'.
Come on, settle. The
sooner you're settled,
the sooner this is over with.
Thank you. Now, you're going to meet
some men today who've taken
a wrong turn in their lives
and they're going to tell you
their stories and hopefully
make you think a little bit
about the roads you're going down.
It's not going to be any kind of fun,
so you can wipe those
smiles off your faces.
Right, let's meet our first speaker.
What the flip are you looking at?
You think this is funny?
You think this is some kind
of mother flipping joke?
Mother flippers think everything's
a mother flipping joke.
Well, let me tell you, the
jokey ain't no jokey, sucker.
Look at me and what do you see?
Just a bad ass brother who
made a mistake. One mistake.
And now I'm staring at you gimps.
Every flippin' day!
So what's my story?
How did a brother get here?
Well, I'll tell you.
It all started when I went to
fix a printer on floor seven.
As I recall, it was a Tuesday.
It's a lot faster now,
it's one of the advantages
of the Pentium processor.
Yeah...
I like your glasses.
I'm afraid they're not for sale.
Ha ha.
Laugh all you want,
they're not for sale.
You're funny.
Nikki, Nikki, Nikki!
What are you talking
to Clive Sinclair for?
Shut up, Rodge.
Good one. Yup. I get it.
You obviously don't, mate.
Come on, back in your box.
Nice tie, by the way!
Thank you.
Roy, can you come here, please?
Just hold on a second, Jen.
I'm giving phone support.
Okay, so how did that go?
Well, yeah, but that's an
important part of the process.
Yes, if you don't complete that part,
there's no way you're going
to be able to do the next bit.
Okay, so now... Turn it back on again!
People!
That is rude! What is that?
Oh, Jen, I have to say, "Have you
tried turning it off and on again?"
1,000 times a day. It's
like a bloody catchphrase.
If it wasn't for you and Moss
it would be the only thing I say.
It doesn't matter.
Don't take your bad career
decisions out on the users.
I'm not saying it again today.
They can just figure
it out for themselves.
You'll never go a whole
day without saying it.
You don't think I can?
No way.
I bet you 1,000 I can.
That's just posturing. 1,000.
All right. Okay. 100 says
I don't say it again today.
How's that for posturing?
All right, you're on. 100 quid.
All right.
Can you come here for a sec, please?
I want you to take a look at something.
Can't I do it on the phone?
Just come in! It's like 20 feet!
You all right, Moss?
I don't mind telling you, Roy,
that sometimes the people upstairs
cheese me off to such an extent
that if I were the type
to use bad language,
I'd be employing it
bitterly and repeatedly!
Whoa. Moss, that's not like you.
Well, I'm sorry for
mentioning bad language.
No, use bad language, Moss,
please. It'll make you feel better.
Ploppers!
Someone told me I need
a browser on my computer.
Could you install one please?
You don't have a browser
on your computer...?
What is that sound? Is that
coming from your laptop?
It's not supposed to sound...
What the...?! What's all that crap?
Look at all this stuff! I haven't
seen that one since the '90s!
Jen, I have to fix this.
No, no, leave it! I
have it how I like it!
How you like it?! No, no,
no, Jen, it's infected!
If this was a human being,
I'd shoot it in the face!
I just want you to install a browser.
That's the browser there!
Look at it... that's the browser.
Internet Explorer is a browser!
Behind the picture of the lady.
The lady's not supposed to be there.
She's only there sometimes.
But what about that, the E...
But that's the button for
the internet, Roy. I don't...
The button for the
internet?! Jesus Christ!
Oh, shut up! I'm not
a stupid geeky geek.
Jen, you don't need to be a geek
to know that you need a
browser to access the internet!
Yes, because as soon as you
know something like that,
it pushes out something
important and before you know it,
you're painting little
figurines from Lord of The Rings.
You know what, Jen? Do
whatever you want. I don't care.
You want to walk around with
a laptop from The Exorcist,
that's fine. It's not my problem.
Our time is too valuable!
Come on, Moss, let's
go. It's nearly one.
Oh, don't forget. They're giving
a party for Ben Genderson at lunch.
Ben Genderson? How nice for him.
He's been here, what? A
week? When's our party?
I thought you hated parties.
I like parties. It's
balloons I don't like.
Right.
You don't like balloons?
Oh, don't talk to me about balloons.
Why?
Why? Balloons explode, Jen.
They explode suddenly and unexpectedly.
They are filled with the capacity
to give me a little fright
and I find that unbearable.
Where do you want to go for lunch?
It's such a lovely day,
shall we go to the park?
Yeah, let's have a
lovely lunch in the park.
Roy, do you think if I hadn't
paid so much attention in school
I'd be a different person?
No.
We're going to be late
for Ben Genderson's party.
So? I don't want to go to that
thing. If we go to that party,
do you know how many times I'm going to have
to say, "Have you..." The thing that I say?
We've got to hurry up,
we're going to be in trouble.
I'm not running.
Can you do a fast walk?
No.
I'm going to do a fast
walk. See you there.
I need to be at work.
Sorry, sir. Whole street's
closed. Suspicious package.
Come on, let's go the long way round.
We'll miss the presentation. We're
already late. We'll get in trouble.
Calm down.
I can't, Roy. What are we going to do?
Moss, it doesn't matter.
We're going to get in trouble.
You're not going to get in trouble.
Getting in trouble is something
that happens to children.
You're a grown man. Come on.
Why don't we bunk off?
What?!
I was hoping to avoid Jen today
anyway. Why don't we just...
We'll bunk off and make a
day of it. It'll be a laugh.
Oh, gosh, I've got to take this in.
I've never bunked off in my life!
What... what... what will
we do? Where will we go?
You know, we'll do
bunking off kind of things.
Should we be talking this close to
the police? I mean, it is illegal...
Not unless you're supposed to
be in school! Will you relax?
I'm excited, Roy. This is like
taking the blue pill in the Matrix.
I mean, bunking off. The old
me would never have done that!
Say goodbye to that guy. That
guy's history! BANG! He's gone!
Could you not say "bang!"
There's a bloody bomb somewhere!
Come on, let's just go.
Would you stop looking so suspicious!
Which is why after one week
with us, we honour Ben Genderson.
Come on, Ben, say a few words.
I don't know what to...
Such a lovely thing to happen.
I never thought that a major corporation
would be able to focus on
one individual like this.
At my last company, I
felt rather insignificant,
so it's appreciated, it really is.
Cheers.
Don't raise your glass too soon, Ben,
cos this has all been one big ruse.
It isn't your day at all.
That's right. I thought it high time
to give the IT Department
the attention they deserve.
Where are Mark and Ray?
They're not back from lunch yet.
Really? I flew George Lucas
in to see them as a treat.
Oh, well, Jen, more champagne for us.
Let the revels begin!
Oh, yes.
Sitting on the bus.
On the open road.
Kicking back.
Just a pair of cheeky bunkers.
Couple of ne', er do wells.
Yeah.
Roy, can I clarify something?
Are we now loitering?
Erm... yeah.
Because it feels like travelling.
Sure, but we don't want to
go where this bus is going.
So there's an element of loitering.
There's an aimlessness.
Exactly.
Yeah! Who'd want to end up
going to where they wanted to be?
That's what the man wants.
Sock it to 'em.
Fools!
Roy, let's glare.
What?
Let's glare at people,
like a couple of tough nuts.
Okay! Who?
Let's glare at this
sucker on his way to work.
Feeding the corporate machine.
He's coming up.
He's coming up. He's
getting on the bus! Oh, no.
Why did you suggest him? You
could've suggested anybody.
What are you looking at?
We weren't. We thought
you were someone else.
What's it to you?
I'm sorry. We're bunking
off, and he's excited.
We're bunking off!
Roy has a fear of balloons.
A fear of balloons!
That's the craziest thing
I've ever bloody heard!
Some wine for you.
Sorry, I asked for red.
Oh, sorry.
No, no, no, leave it.
Thishasbeen a success.
I have had a lovely, lovely time.
As thingy was saying earlier,
it's easy to go unrecognised
in a big corporation,
so it's appreciated,
it really is. Cheers.
Don't raise yourglasses too soon,
cos this ruse has also been a ruse.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let meintroduce to you our new head
ofhiring and firing, Ben Genderson.
So, Ben, you've been circulating
throughout this fake party,
coming to conclusions.
Who's the obvious dead wood?
Well, yes. Well,
there's Paul over there,
he's been putting his
shopping on expenses.
James here, he can't spell,
and... Sorry, what's your name?
Jeremy.
Jeremy, yes. Jeremy's a drunk.
And Jen. Jen lacks
basic computer skills,
like thinking that IT
stands for "internet things".
Yeah. I don't really need
to know about those things.
I'm a relationship manager. I
manage my team, I'm a team leader.
And where's your team now?
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Is this my party or not?
What are we doing?
We are loitering.
We are shopping.
We don't have any money, so
it's definitely loitering.
Mark my words, in half an hour,
we shall be asked to leave.
Oh, It's Jen.
Hello, Jen!
Where are you?
We're just sort of taking
a long lunch sort of thing.
You can't! I've been sent an e-mail
questionnaire, have to do ittoday!
I don't know what you're talking about.
It wasn't Ben Genderson's thing,
it was our thing. And then
it was some scary thing,
and now he's sent me a
questionnaire about my job
and my computer won't work!
Is that the best you can
do? I'm not going to say it!
No! No, no, no! No, no, no!
Goddammit, Roy! I didn't bunk off
so I could do some flipping perusing!
I want a taste of the apple, Roy!
I want to bite the
electric tiger's tail,
and ride it till the end
of the mother flipping line.
Will you just calm down, Moss?
What are you doing?
I'm shoplifting!
You've just gone insane!
I've never felt so alive!
We need to get this stuff back!
Okay, they're on to us. Let's just go.
Erm, act normal.
What is wrong with you? Whoareyou?
I don't know any more!
What are we going to do?
No, that's not going to work!
Okay, run! Run, run, run!
Come on! Come on!
Hello. Do you wish for
technical assistance?
Oh, God, I hate these!
Sorry?
What?
How dare you speak to me like that?
Sorry. Can I have technical
assistance, please?
Putting you through. Cow.
Allo?
Hello?
Allo. How can I be of assistance?
What?
How can I be of assistance?
I've got one of your laptops. It
won't get past the loading screen.
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
Yes. Look, is there
someone else I can talk to?
There is no-one else available.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
What model do you have?
What model do I have?
Yes.
It's a Zubion, I think.
Ah, the Zubion. I have to say,
we have been having problems
with the Zubion. Can you
press delete while starting up?
I didn't get that.
Can you press delete while starting up?
No. That was worse somehow.
Okay. Can...
Can?
Yes. Can you press...
Can you press.
Delete.
Delete. Delete. Can I press delete?
While.
Wheel?
While.
Whhhheeeel?
While. Er...during!
While! While.
Yes, while!
Yes.
Starting.
Allo?
Come on, Roy! Come
on! We're nearly there!
It's no use.
I can't. I can't.
We're going down again!
How many times is that now?
Oh, this is ridiculous! I
don't want to do this any more!
Oh, all right. All right.
What was all that about?
What?
You shouldn't be messing
around on those things. Go on.
Don't come back here.
I know your faces now!
Bunking off was a terrible idea.
I mean, you were
completely out of control.
Do you even like Grand Designs?
Yuh!
You'll send those DVDs back to the shop.
Okay. I'm sorry, Roy.
It's okay. Okay, let's just
try and get back in to work,
and hopefully nobody will
have noticed we were away.
Oh, my gosh!
It's a robot!
I've never seen one in the wild before.
Where've you come from, fella?
Huh? Where do you come from?
Can we keep him, Roy? I mean,
if he doesn't belong to anyone?
I just don't understand what it's doing.
I mean, this is weird. What is it?
Erm... Moss?
What?
Get away from it.
Why?
Hello, Jen!
It's a robot!
Get away!
What?
Get away! Get away
from it. There's a bomb!
What are you saying?
There's a bomb in the bag!
I think this might be a
bomb disposal robot, Roy.
I know.
We should move away from it.
Yes. We should. But I don't
seem to be able to move.
What?
I can't move.
What do you mean, you can't move?
What do you mean, you
can't move? I can't move.
You have to move, Roy.
I can't move!
I'm just having a couple
of problems with it.
What kind of operating
system does it use?
It's... Vista!
We're going to die!
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
What?
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
What?
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
I just won 100 quid.
Okay. Hang on a second.
Why are you still here?
Why haven't you run away?
Come on, we're a team, I could...
Wait, I could totally
run away, couldn't I?
It's still not working!
Oh, this is a very
common problem with Vista.
I can fix this. I can fix this, Roy!
Everything's going to be okay.
Right. Come here, you.
Wait for me!
Is there a customer support number?
Allo! How can I be of assistance?
What?
So, that's my story.
It ain't a pretty story, but
it's the only one I've got.
And if you bozos don't
buckle up and fly right,
it'll be your story too, capice?
You say you've been having problems
with this particular
bomb disposal computer?
What?
You must take good care,
as the slightest movement can
initiate the detonator procedure.
Seems to me like the domain
link is incapacitated,
so perhaps you could try
turning off the robot,
and then get the man
to run away quickly?
sooner you're settled,
the sooner this is over with.
Thank you. Now, you're going to meet
some men today who've taken
a wrong turn in their lives
and they're going to tell you
their stories and hopefully
make you think a little bit
about the roads you're going down.
It's not going to be any kind of fun,
so you can wipe those
smiles off your faces.
Right, let's meet our first speaker.
What the flip are you looking at?
You think this is funny?
You think this is some kind
of mother flipping joke?
Mother flippers think everything's
a mother flipping joke.
Well, let me tell you, the
jokey ain't no jokey, sucker.
Look at me and what do you see?
Just a bad ass brother who
made a mistake. One mistake.
And now I'm staring at you gimps.
Every flippin' day!
So what's my story?
How did a brother get here?
Well, I'll tell you.
It all started when I went to
fix a printer on floor seven.
As I recall, it was a Tuesday.
It's a lot faster now,
it's one of the advantages
of the Pentium processor.
Yeah...
I like your glasses.
I'm afraid they're not for sale.
Ha ha.
Laugh all you want,
they're not for sale.
You're funny.
Nikki, Nikki, Nikki!
What are you talking
to Clive Sinclair for?
Shut up, Rodge.
Good one. Yup. I get it.
You obviously don't, mate.
Come on, back in your box.
Nice tie, by the way!
Thank you.
Roy, can you come here, please?
Just hold on a second, Jen.
I'm giving phone support.
Okay, so how did that go?
Well, yeah, but that's an
important part of the process.
Yes, if you don't complete that part,
there's no way you're going
to be able to do the next bit.
Okay, so now... Turn it back on again!
People!
That is rude! What is that?
Oh, Jen, I have to say, "Have you
tried turning it off and on again?"
1,000 times a day. It's
like a bloody catchphrase.
If it wasn't for you and Moss
it would be the only thing I say.
It doesn't matter.
Don't take your bad career
decisions out on the users.
I'm not saying it again today.
They can just figure
it out for themselves.
You'll never go a whole
day without saying it.
You don't think I can?
No way.
I bet you 1,000 I can.
That's just posturing. 1,000.
All right. Okay. 100 says
I don't say it again today.
How's that for posturing?
All right, you're on. 100 quid.
All right.
Can you come here for a sec, please?
I want you to take a look at something.
Can't I do it on the phone?
Just come in! It's like 20 feet!
You all right, Moss?
I don't mind telling you, Roy,
that sometimes the people upstairs
cheese me off to such an extent
that if I were the type
to use bad language,
I'd be employing it
bitterly and repeatedly!
Whoa. Moss, that's not like you.
Well, I'm sorry for
mentioning bad language.
No, use bad language, Moss,
please. It'll make you feel better.
Ploppers!
Someone told me I need
a browser on my computer.
Could you install one please?
You don't have a browser
on your computer...?
What is that sound? Is that
coming from your laptop?
It's not supposed to sound...
What the...?! What's all that crap?
Look at all this stuff! I haven't
seen that one since the '90s!
Jen, I have to fix this.
No, no, leave it! I
have it how I like it!
How you like it?! No, no,
no, Jen, it's infected!
If this was a human being,
I'd shoot it in the face!
I just want you to install a browser.
That's the browser there!
Look at it... that's the browser.
Internet Explorer is a browser!
Behind the picture of the lady.
The lady's not supposed to be there.
She's only there sometimes.
But what about that, the E...
But that's the button for
the internet, Roy. I don't...
The button for the
internet?! Jesus Christ!
Oh, shut up! I'm not
a stupid geeky geek.
Jen, you don't need to be a geek
to know that you need a
browser to access the internet!
Yes, because as soon as you
know something like that,
it pushes out something
important and before you know it,
you're painting little
figurines from Lord of The Rings.
You know what, Jen? Do
whatever you want. I don't care.
You want to walk around with
a laptop from The Exorcist,
that's fine. It's not my problem.
Our time is too valuable!
Come on, Moss, let's
go. It's nearly one.
Oh, don't forget. They're giving
a party for Ben Genderson at lunch.
Ben Genderson? How nice for him.
He's been here, what? A
week? When's our party?
I thought you hated parties.
I like parties. It's
balloons I don't like.
Right.
You don't like balloons?
Oh, don't talk to me about balloons.
Why?
Why? Balloons explode, Jen.
They explode suddenly and unexpectedly.
They are filled with the capacity
to give me a little fright
and I find that unbearable.
Where do you want to go for lunch?
It's such a lovely day,
shall we go to the park?
Yeah, let's have a
lovely lunch in the park.
Roy, do you think if I hadn't
paid so much attention in school
I'd be a different person?
No.
We're going to be late
for Ben Genderson's party.
So? I don't want to go to that
thing. If we go to that party,
do you know how many times I'm going to have
to say, "Have you..." The thing that I say?
We've got to hurry up,
we're going to be in trouble.
I'm not running.
Can you do a fast walk?
No.
I'm going to do a fast
walk. See you there.
I need to be at work.
Sorry, sir. Whole street's
closed. Suspicious package.
Come on, let's go the long way round.
We'll miss the presentation. We're
already late. We'll get in trouble.
Calm down.
I can't, Roy. What are we going to do?
Moss, it doesn't matter.
We're going to get in trouble.
You're not going to get in trouble.
Getting in trouble is something
that happens to children.
You're a grown man. Come on.
Why don't we bunk off?
What?!
I was hoping to avoid Jen today
anyway. Why don't we just...
We'll bunk off and make a
day of it. It'll be a laugh.
Oh, gosh, I've got to take this in.
I've never bunked off in my life!
What... what... what will
we do? Where will we go?
You know, we'll do
bunking off kind of things.
Should we be talking this close to
the police? I mean, it is illegal...
Not unless you're supposed to
be in school! Will you relax?
I'm excited, Roy. This is like
taking the blue pill in the Matrix.
I mean, bunking off. The old
me would never have done that!
Say goodbye to that guy. That
guy's history! BANG! He's gone!
Could you not say "bang!"
There's a bloody bomb somewhere!
Come on, let's just go.
Would you stop looking so suspicious!
Which is why after one week
with us, we honour Ben Genderson.
Come on, Ben, say a few words.
I don't know what to...
Such a lovely thing to happen.
I never thought that a major corporation
would be able to focus on
one individual like this.
At my last company, I
felt rather insignificant,
so it's appreciated, it really is.
Cheers.
Don't raise your glass too soon, Ben,
cos this has all been one big ruse.
It isn't your day at all.
That's right. I thought it high time
to give the IT Department
the attention they deserve.
Where are Mark and Ray?
They're not back from lunch yet.
Really? I flew George Lucas
in to see them as a treat.
Oh, well, Jen, more champagne for us.
Let the revels begin!
Oh, yes.
Sitting on the bus.
On the open road.
Kicking back.
Just a pair of cheeky bunkers.
Couple of ne', er do wells.
Yeah.
Roy, can I clarify something?
Are we now loitering?
Erm... yeah.
Because it feels like travelling.
Sure, but we don't want to
go where this bus is going.
So there's an element of loitering.
There's an aimlessness.
Exactly.
Yeah! Who'd want to end up
going to where they wanted to be?
That's what the man wants.
Sock it to 'em.
Fools!
Roy, let's glare.
What?
Let's glare at people,
like a couple of tough nuts.
Okay! Who?
Let's glare at this
sucker on his way to work.
Feeding the corporate machine.
He's coming up.
He's coming up. He's
getting on the bus! Oh, no.
Why did you suggest him? You
could've suggested anybody.
What are you looking at?
We weren't. We thought
you were someone else.
What's it to you?
I'm sorry. We're bunking
off, and he's excited.
We're bunking off!
Roy has a fear of balloons.
A fear of balloons!
That's the craziest thing
I've ever bloody heard!
Some wine for you.
Sorry, I asked for red.
Oh, sorry.
No, no, no, leave it.
Thishasbeen a success.
I have had a lovely, lovely time.
As thingy was saying earlier,
it's easy to go unrecognised
in a big corporation,
so it's appreciated,
it really is. Cheers.
Don't raise yourglasses too soon,
cos this ruse has also been a ruse.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let meintroduce to you our new head
ofhiring and firing, Ben Genderson.
So, Ben, you've been circulating
throughout this fake party,
coming to conclusions.
Who's the obvious dead wood?
Well, yes. Well,
there's Paul over there,
he's been putting his
shopping on expenses.
James here, he can't spell,
and... Sorry, what's your name?
Jeremy.
Jeremy, yes. Jeremy's a drunk.
And Jen. Jen lacks
basic computer skills,
like thinking that IT
stands for "internet things".
Yeah. I don't really need
to know about those things.
I'm a relationship manager. I
manage my team, I'm a team leader.
And where's your team now?
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Is this my party or not?
What are we doing?
We are loitering.
We are shopping.
We don't have any money, so
it's definitely loitering.
Mark my words, in half an hour,
we shall be asked to leave.
Oh, It's Jen.
Hello, Jen!
Where are you?
We're just sort of taking
a long lunch sort of thing.
You can't! I've been sent an e-mail
questionnaire, have to do ittoday!
I don't know what you're talking about.
It wasn't Ben Genderson's thing,
it was our thing. And then
it was some scary thing,
and now he's sent me a
questionnaire about my job
and my computer won't work!
Is that the best you can
do? I'm not going to say it!
No! No, no, no! No, no, no!
Goddammit, Roy! I didn't bunk off
so I could do some flipping perusing!
I want a taste of the apple, Roy!
I want to bite the
electric tiger's tail,
and ride it till the end
of the mother flipping line.
Will you just calm down, Moss?
What are you doing?
I'm shoplifting!
You've just gone insane!
I've never felt so alive!
We need to get this stuff back!
Okay, they're on to us. Let's just go.
Erm, act normal.
What is wrong with you? Whoareyou?
I don't know any more!
What are we going to do?
No, that's not going to work!
Okay, run! Run, run, run!
Come on! Come on!
Hello. Do you wish for
technical assistance?
Oh, God, I hate these!
Sorry?
What?
How dare you speak to me like that?
Sorry. Can I have technical
assistance, please?
Putting you through. Cow.
Allo?
Hello?
Allo. How can I be of assistance?
What?
How can I be of assistance?
I've got one of your laptops. It
won't get past the loading screen.
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
Yes. Look, is there
someone else I can talk to?
There is no-one else available.
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
What model do you have?
What model do I have?
Yes.
It's a Zubion, I think.
Ah, the Zubion. I have to say,
we have been having problems
with the Zubion. Can you
press delete while starting up?
I didn't get that.
Can you press delete while starting up?
No. That was worse somehow.
Okay. Can...
Can?
Yes. Can you press...
Can you press.
Delete.
Delete. Delete. Can I press delete?
While.
Wheel?
While.
Whhhheeeel?
While. Er...during!
While! While.
Yes, while!
Yes.
Starting.
Allo?
Come on, Roy! Come
on! We're nearly there!
It's no use.
I can't. I can't.
We're going down again!
How many times is that now?
Oh, this is ridiculous! I
don't want to do this any more!
Oh, all right. All right.
What was all that about?
What?
You shouldn't be messing
around on those things. Go on.
Don't come back here.
I know your faces now!
Bunking off was a terrible idea.
I mean, you were
completely out of control.
Do you even like Grand Designs?
Yuh!
You'll send those DVDs back to the shop.
Okay. I'm sorry, Roy.
It's okay. Okay, let's just
try and get back in to work,
and hopefully nobody will
have noticed we were away.
Oh, my gosh!
It's a robot!
I've never seen one in the wild before.
Where've you come from, fella?
Huh? Where do you come from?
Can we keep him, Roy? I mean,
if he doesn't belong to anyone?
I just don't understand what it's doing.
I mean, this is weird. What is it?
Erm... Moss?
What?
Get away from it.
Why?
Hello, Jen!
It's a robot!
Get away!
What?
Get away! Get away
from it. There's a bomb!
What are you saying?
There's a bomb in the bag!
I think this might be a
bomb disposal robot, Roy.
I know.
We should move away from it.
Yes. We should. But I don't
seem to be able to move.
What?
I can't move.
What do you mean, you can't move?
What do you mean, you
can't move? I can't move.
You have to move, Roy.
I can't move!
I'm just having a couple
of problems with it.
What kind of operating
system does it use?
It's... Vista!
We're going to die!
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
What?
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
What?
Have you tried turning
it off and on again?
I just won 100 quid.
Okay. Hang on a second.
Why are you still here?
Why haven't you run away?
Come on, we're a team, I could...
Wait, I could totally
run away, couldn't I?
It's still not working!
Oh, this is a very
common problem with Vista.
I can fix this. I can fix this, Roy!
Everything's going to be okay.
Right. Come here, you.
Wait for me!
Is there a customer support number?
Allo! How can I be of assistance?
What?
So, that's my story.
It ain't a pretty story, but
it's the only one I've got.
And if you bozos don't
buckle up and fly right,
it'll be your story too, capice?
You say you've been having problems
with this particular
bomb disposal computer?
What?
You must take good care,
as the slightest movement can
initiate the detonator procedure.
Seems to me like the domain
link is incapacitated,
so perhaps you could try
turning off the robot,
and then get the man
to run away quickly?