The Horror of Dolores Roach (2023): Season 1, Episode 4 - Bitch, I've Already Been to Prison - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
I'm going back
to prison.

Oh, uh...
Pearlman, uh,

Pearlman Property Group,
you said?

- Who's next?
- Yeah.

Just, uh,
ham and cheese, please.

Is there a-a place
we can... talk?


So... what?

We've still had no response
from you on the buyout

- or the back rent.
- Oh, the buyout.

- The buyout, yeah.
- And the deadline was last week, so...

What was your name again?

Jonah Pearlman.

Right, uh, I was dealing with
a Gideon Pearlman.

- Is that your...
- My father.

Your father, yeah.

Well, your pops and I have been
having an ongoing negotiation,

- so...
- A negotiation?

Yeah, sure.
Matter of fact, I just spoke

- to him the other day. He's the kind of man...
- Uh, Luis...

...that understands that it is
important for Empanada Loca...

- And he understands that's it's in his best interest...
- You got customers, Luis.

Wait, wait, wait,
you spoke to him when?

Five, six days ago?

Uh... I could check
my phone.

Do you have any of this
in writing?

Isn't that why you're here?

Am I... What?

Bro, aren't you here
to give me the contract?

- Uh...
- Looks like a miscommunication

on your end.

No, bro, it's okay, I'm not mad.

Uh... why don't you
go ahead and call him?

Yeah, just get it
all squared away.

No, no, um...

Uh... he's away.

- Yeah.
- That's right. That's right.

I remembered he had,

he had mentioned something
about taking a trip.

He did?
Did he say where?

Uh, no.

Atlantic City? Upstate?

No, he did not.

Right, okay.

Uh, and you said you spoke
to him on the phone?


- He never came by in person?
- Nah,

he never did, but...
you know, I wish he would've

'cause I would've loved
to have, you know...

shaken his hand and let him see

the fruits of our labor and...

Where are my manners?

I'm so sorry, man.

Won't you try

one of our famous

- Muy Loco empanadas?
- Luis...

- Oh, uh...
- Sweet Cannibal Jesus, please, no.

One of a kind.
Meat's locally sourced.

You ain't had nothing
like this before.

That batch
not cooked yet.

- Oh, no, it's cooked, mami.
- No, no, it's not ready.

- It's ready to go.
- No, it's not.

It's a little inside joke
we got. You know?

You should try
some guava and cheese.

- Try that.
- I've actually never...

You know what? I've actually,

I've actually
never tried empanadas.

Hey, we already need
more Muy Loc...


- Hi.
- Oh, looky here.

This right here is our

loyal empanada
specialist, Nellie.

- Nellie, this is...
- Uh, I'm Jonah.

- Hi.
- I'm Nellie.

Jonah Pearlman of the
Pearlman Property Group.

So, you're the new landlord?

- Well, not me, but my...
- Good.

I got a leak
in my kitchen ceiling.

In one of our buildings?

I live upstairs in 3B.

Didn't we just renovate 3B?

No, you renovated 3A,

which is across the hall
where the white boy lives.

And I don't want to have
to call 311, but I'm gonna...

No, no, no, no,
don't-don't call 311. Um...

Don't call 311.

I-I can take a look now,

- if you want.
- Well, I have a job,

- and I'm working...
- Whoa, Nellie, Nellie,


- Go show the man your ceiling.
- Really?

- Really?
- Yeah.

You don't think I got it
covered down here?

It's my shop.

Uh, okay, Luis.

- I'll show you.
- Okay.

Oh, um, um, before we go,

may I?

Yeah, yeah,
of course, of course.

- Oh, my God.
- What?

- Nothing.
- Nothing, nothing. Nothing.

Here you go, my friend.

Can't get them like this

anywhere else in the world.

I'm going to hell.



mmm, mmm. Wow.

Is this, is this duck?

It's a mouthful
of Daddy.

It's a trade secret.
You understand.

Yeah, that's...

really good, thanks.

I'm very proud of it.

Lead the way. Yeah.

Oh, I'll, um,
I'll follow up soon.

Stabilized lease
or not, you're...

you're still on the hook
for the back rent.

Yes, sir.

Mmm. Thank you.

Yes. Yes.

Ooh, I told you,

I told you, Magic Hands.
I told you we won.

- What kind of sick fuck are you?
- Ow.

You fed him to his son.

His son, Luis.

Yeah, I keep telling you, mami,

we are hiding
in plain sight, okay?

And we getting rid
of all this evidence,

and you heard the man,
I still got a debt to pay,

so if you'll excuse me,

I'm-a get back to business.

I'm not going to hell.

This is hell.

I can't live like this...

...but I still got
nowhere else to go.

Do I?

Make a fucking plan.



What is that?

- What the fuck?
- Done.

It's done.

You wanted to get rid
of the evidence?

I got rid
of the fucking evidence.

Why the fuck would they

childproof these fucking things?

My masterpiece.

I'm the one who's cleaning up
after you, okay?

- You're the one who's going...
- Bitch.

I've already been
to prison, all right?

If you wanted to help me,

you could've dumped him
in the river,

not fed him to his own son.

- Hey, it's edible.
- What?

Like the Greek myth.


That's what I said.

That's the last of him, right?


- Mr. fucking Pearlman.
- Yes, yes, yes.

It's the last of the meat.

This is done.

It's done.

I'm running a business here, D.

Got to get me
a clean start, a fresh start.

Got to finish what I started
all those years ago,

before Dominic
fucked my life apart.

What are the chances
any of these infants

also killed their landlord?

Excuse me.

Holy shit, Georgie.


My closest friend
my whole two years here.

The one who held my hand
at my dad's funeral.

Guess it's been a minute.

What the fuck?

If I agree to
a Sunday morning appearance,

I'll be talking about how
these are non-violent offenders,

and that they should be the ones

allowed to profit first
when the legalization...

She's here?

I'm not interested
in being some talking head

on behalf of... No.

I'm not saying
I won't discuss...

- Okay.
- Can I help you?

I'm sorry, what? No.
I wasn't... I-I know her.

Professor Bellyard is very busy.

You're gonna have to make
appointment if you want

- to talk to her.
- I wasn't... I don't want to make an appointment.

I just, uh...

I want to come back to school.

You're looking
to enroll in classes here?

Yes, yes. Yeah, I am.

Okay. Then come with me,

and I'll get you figured out.

Hey, Dolores.

Cunt face.

What's up?

I worked this block

a long time,

and I ain't never seen
a line out the door

for those shitty
little empanadas

your boy makes.

He changed up the recipe.

- Oh, is that right?
- Look, I don't know

- what you're asking, but he's...
- I made it very clear

that this is my turf,
and you turn around

and start selling
to my customer base?

Ugh, girl, I ain't selling
anything, all right?

I'm giving massages.

I've seen nine
of my regulars coming in

- and out of there.
- You think this is a drug front?

Nine regulars that
I haven't seen in weeks.

Look, I just spent 16 years
in prison for selling,

why the fuck would I
do that shit again?

Because nobody else'll hire you,
"Magic Hands."

I'm going back to school.

What, so you can
get a job in a office

and start shopping
at Chico's and shit?


Dolores Roach in
a pencil skirt and heels.

I could see it.

Look, we got off
on the wrong foot,

but I'm telling you,
I'm a masseuse for real,

and if you don't believe me,
come downstairs

and let me show you.

Oh, what, you're gonna
give me a tour now?

No, better. I'm gonna
give you a massage.

Come on.

No more Muy Loco today.

All sold out, sorry.

So, if you want to go ahead,

you can undress
to the level of...

your comfort.

All right, uh...

I have, um...

aromatherapy candles,

I have ambient noise,
you want any of...

Give me the works.

All right.

So, where'd you learn
how to massage?

My girl

in prison, Tabitha.


She was a masseuse
on the outside,

but she couldn't do it anymore,
so she taught me.

And why couldn't she
do it anymore?

She got her hands cut off.

She did not.

She got her hands cut off,

So, you trained in prison

- with a handless masseuse?
- Yeah.

I sure did.


And, uh, you like doing it?

Uh... yeah, I do.

I do. I think it...

it might just be my ticket
out of here.

I love a woman with ambition.


And where you looking
to get out to?

I don't know.

I love New York,

but I want to get out of
the city, you know, eventually.

- Mm-hmm.
- Not far, just somewhere with space,

you know? Peace, simplicity.

Maybe Jersey?

You can get to Jersey
with bus fare.

Those hands...

get you a lot farther than that.

Get you a lot farther with me.


I'm no eme with no hands,

but I'd be damn lucky
to have somebody talented

and beautiful like you around.

Excuse me for a minute.

I've slept with
exactly two people

in the last 20 years...

Fresh start, right?

What are you doing?

I don't give a fuck
what tricks you learned

from some dyke in prison,

I'm not new.
Where are the drugs?

There are no drugs,
I told you. I showed you.

Oh, you got them hiding here?

Hiding in plain sight, huh?

Why do you think that's where...
What are you doing?

No, not my table!

What are you doing? No!

Just because Dominic

dipped out on you
like some snitch

doesn't mean you're free
to take his place.

What are you talking about?

Dominic didn't snitch on anyone.

Oh... you really don't know.


Dominic set you up, sweetness.

He... No. No.

- No?
- No, he didn't.

Well, what do you think

I think we got busted.

I got busted, you know...

because I was the one there.
People get busted.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- Okay, and then...

he had to go... hide somewhere,

lay low, or do...
because he knew that...

Yeah, obviously, obviously,

he abandoned me,
but he didn't set me up.

Bitch, I was there.

The feds were closing in,
somebody had to go down,

and it sure as shit
wasn't gonna be him.

He knew your gullible,

lovesick ass would
do the time for him...

which you did... and he let you.

He let you rot for him.

He was a piece of shit,
he really was.

Decent fuck, though.

You slept with Dominic?

Me and half the bitches
in Washington Heights.

Wh... I mean,

he didn't seem to be
satisfied at home, so...

It was a lie.
It was all a lie.

What the fuck is this shit?

Is this a vision board?

Is this Jersey?
Your house in Jersey?

Let me see.

And that's supposed
to be Dominic.

You giving him a massage?

"Make it happen."

Oh, shit, I almost forgot.

Thank you for the rub.


Bitch! You bit my arm.

Cunt face.

You're fucking crazy.


Okay, okay, hold on.

Tabitha said
to wrap your right arm

around a neck from behind.

And if you can't snap
the neck on your feet,

all you got to do is...


He set me up.

He set me up.

How could I not have known?

He set me up.

So, my empanadas,

you can't find empanadas like
this anywhere else in the world,

but at the same time,
they are universal. 'Cause I

am a firm believer
that you are what you eat.

I really do mean that. Oh, hey,

look who it is.

Yo, man, you got
to interview Dolores.

She has a very
interesting story.

I'm always in the market

for an interesting story.

W-Why would you interview us?

Well, I have this podcast

where I shine a light

on hidden New York gems
that I've discovered.

New York, New Gems.

Is that a... Don't know
if you've heard of it.

Anyway, Empanada Loco
is perfecto.

My listeners'll
eat this place up.

See, I got to drum up
business any way I can

because someone decided
to contaminate the last of my...

Uh, of the one cut I like.

Uh-huh, uh-huh,
about that, uh...

Uh, your new butcher called,

and a new shipment

came in a little while ago,

and I brought it downstairs
for your safekeeping.

It's waiting for you.

My friend, my friend, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to ask you

for a rain check while I go
handle this new supply.

You mind if we continue
our chat in the morning?

Oh, not a problem.
I'm right upstairs.

It's a beautiful day.

I'm gonna go for a little walk.

Thank you, Dolores. I love you!

Oh, for fuck's sake.

- Oh, hey, D.
- Yeah?

Do you want Jonah to look
at that broken step

- that's still giving you trouble...
- No.

- Um, no. No.
- Oh.

Uh, I got it under control.
I'm gonna fix it.

I'm-a go right now
and get some stuff to fix it.

I don't want you
to go downstairs.

I don't want you
to hurt yourself.


I'm going
back to prison.

Hey, Dolores, you got a sec?

Actually, I don't.
I really have to go...

Just a quick question,
I promise.

- All right. Uh-huh?
- I promise. Uh...

Luis cheating on me?

He got all this new business,

but he ordering
less and less meat.

Oh, fuck.

I... I don't know.
I think he said he...

he has a new butcher.
I-I-I don't know.


Wow, does loyalty count
for nothing these days?

Yeah, probably not.
I-I got to go.

I just... I...
There's somebody I have to...

Yeah, no, go. I mean,
I got some more questions...

but no, go.

Oh, God,
I'm going back to prison.

I'm going back to prison.
I'm going back to prison.

I'm gonna go back to prison.

He got questions.

Yeah, I got questions, too.

Was that cocksucker motherfucker
cheating on me the entire time?

Were the happiest five years
of my life a lie?

Maybe I did know he set me up.

I mean, of course
I fucking knew,

but I couldn't even
let myself think it

because he knew
I would protect him.

He knew that.
I was the one

he could throw under the bus.

I was the sacrifice.

I still fucking am,
and I still will be

until I put an end
to this myself.

Until I put an end to him.

I missed this bitch.

Oh, you're not dead?

I hadn't heard from you.
I started to wonder.

How's the land of the free?

You were right.

He wasn't there.

I don't know where he is.

He set me up.

Yeah. I know that.

Did you not know that?

So, then, what are you...

or where-where are you...

Just with an old friend.

He runs an empanada shop that...
that empanada shop

that I loved, right?
Just renting a room

in his basement, and, um,

I'm giving massages for cash.

- Massages?
- Yeah.

So, I guess your time
with me wasn't a complete wash.

I used everything you taught me.

- That's nice.
- No.

I mean everything...

you taught me.




It's not important.

So, you...

I can't believe
I'm asking you this, but, um,

you remember you said you had
a friend with a side business?

Shit, I don't remember her name.
She, uh...


She finds people
who don't want to get found.


No, absolutely not.

Please, Tabitha.

You're gonna wind up
right back here

if you go down that road.

I'm gonna wind up here
if I don't.

Here, or worse.

If I help you find him...

what are you gonna do,
take him to lunch?


I'm gonna put his ass
on the fucking menu.