The Healing Powers of Dude (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - House Party of Horrors - full transcript
Hey. I finished my inflatable ghoul.
Did you find something for the party?
Well, I bought over 30 costumes,
so fingers crossed.
I'm hoping we go as the Property Brothers.
Obviously, I'd be Jonathan.
- Hey, bud. You find--
- Fingers crossed!
Okay.
You know, I think we're gonna give
a lot of kids nightmares this year.
I can't believe Noah's not gonna be here
to hand out candy with us.
He's growing up. Soon he's gonna be
off to college, then to law school--
Law school?
Why just say it like that?
There's that pumpkin.
You mean the one law school paid for?
Heh. Remember how Noah's little hand
was the only one that could
fit in the mouth to turn on the bulb?
We still have Embry's little hands.
I'm going out with my friends
for Halloween.
- What?
- Excuse me?
Addie called to say
that she's having a bunch of girls over
to go trick-or-treating tonight.
Supposedly her neighbors hand out
$20 bills instead of candy.
I figured since Noah's going out,
I can, too.
Well, I guess
I'll go trick-or-treating all by myself.
And I guess I'll just hide on the porch
and watch the kids scream
when the vampire pops out all by myself.
Great. Glad we figured that out.
Which one, Dude?
They're both so bad,
I can't even look at them.
I wish I didn't have to go to this party,
but if I don't go,
then Amara and Simon can't go,
and Simon
won't have a chance to talk to Amara,
- I won't have a chance to talk to Valerie.
- Boy. You're spiraling.
If I talk to Valerie
and say something stupid,
she won't want to talk to me ever again.
Just what we need--
more costumes choices.
Noah?
Stressed about your costume?
What makes you say that?
The answer is yes.
Great. Simon says he just figured out
a costume idea that's straight fire.
Well, Dude says,
"I'll believe it when I see it."
And Amara figured out hers weeks ago.
I'm the only one who has nothing.
Wait. Amara's going to Valerie's party?
Well, that should be interesting.
Why?
Because she likes you.
No, she doesn't.
Yeah, she does.
I've seen her looking at you
with puppy dog eyes.
What are puppy dog eyes?
I do that when I want food
or a head scratch or pretty much 24/7.
Am I doing it now?
Yeah, well,
Amara doesn't look at me like that,
which is a good thing
'cause Simon likes her.
And if she likes me,
things could get really awkward.
Well, then I'm glad
there's no danger of that.
Okay.
What about this one?
If I were l allowed to touch matches...
I'd burn it.
Ditto.
Why did you think your hand
could fit in there?
My emotions clouded my judgment.
Do you two need some help?
No. Totally good.
Love your decorations.
Who knew Halloween could be so adorable?
Well, not everyone's yard
has to look like Satan threw up.
You totally got them.
I don't know
if you heard me scream the other day,
but I just wanted you to know
that your dog snuck through my fence
and dug up my entire backyard.
Dude? Dude wouldn't do that.
He's a saint.
He's a saint
who's peeing on my scarecrow.
Ach, disgusting.
Dude. Come here.
Happy Halloween.
Good boy. Come on.
Trick or treat.
I appreciate Embry's help,
but I don't know
why she insisted I go is 2018 Han Solo.
Classic Solo
would've been much clearer.
Well, because of my size,
everyone's gonna think I'm an Ewok.
Doesn't matter.
I'm all Wookiee inside. Grr...
Wow.
Han Solo, you look great.
Awesome. You got it.
Of course I got it. I love Star Wars.
You told me you hate Star Wars.
You said it's, like, totally overrated.
What? Han Solo's my favorite Jedi.
He's not even a Jedi.
Whatever. My point is,
I really love your costume, Noah.
You look very cool.
Puppy dog eyes.
Well, I love your costume.
Ellen DeGeneres sitting at her desk.
Very clever.
What? First of all,
Ellen doesn't have a desk!
Second, it says Leslie Knope right here.
Parks and Rec.
I just started binging that show.
See?
Noah gets it.
And Simon is...
I'm Rum Tum Tugger
from the Tony Award-winning
Broadway classic-- Cats.
Meow.
Wow.
Well, I have no idea who that is,
but you definitely look straight fire.
Yeah, I do.
Cats is the worst.
Yeah, she gets it.
But it's a musical,
and you love musicals.
Well, I hate that one.
Okay.
I wish I would've known that
before I had my mom
glue fake hair to my face.
But... whatever.
Let's just go inside.
Noah, are you ready to go in?
You can do this.
It's just a party.
Nothing scary about a party.
Okay. Now I'm ready.
Trick or treat!
Well, hello, my royal subjects,
and welcome to Frogmore Cottage,
the home of Prince Harry
and Princess Meghan.
He's obsessed with Downton Abbey.
Just take the candy.
Only one apiece.
These have to last the kingdom
all night.
And what do you say?
- Thank you.
- Jolly good.
Aw, I want more.
This is as close as you're gonna get.
Happy Halloween!
No, no. It's okay. It's not a real baby.
No, look. It's just a doll.
- Mom, what are you doing?
- Traumatizing children.
Honey, you look amazing.
Anna Wintour has nothing on you.
All right, darlings. I'm off to my show.
My chariot awaits. And by chariot,
I mean you, Mom. Let's go.
Okay, then.
Hope you have a great time without us.
I'm immune to your guilt.
Wait.
Where's Dad's inflatable ghoul?
It must've blown away.
I knew I should've secured it better.
Or maybe Lori stole it.
- No, she wouldn't do that.
- I don't know. She was pretty angry
when she saw that Dude
had peed on her scarecrow.
But to steal someone's
favorite Halloween decoration?
I mean, Lori's not that evil.
No one messes with my inflatable ghoul.
Maybe I will stick around a bit longer.
This could get good.
Yay!
I'll be right back.
Excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me.
Don't be polite.
Just... tell people to move.
Everyone out of our freakin' way!
No middle ground.
Yes.
This party...
rules.
I guess it lives up to the hype.
There's Valerie.
You should go say, "What's up?"
I don't know. We just got here.
You don't want her
to start talking to somebody else.
Plus, it'll give me some quality time...
with Amara.
Ellen at her desk. Nice.
Good God.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
Yes. You got this, bro.
I'm right here. And we're walking,
and we're walking,
and...
Valerie's a creepy clown, man! Run!
Noah. Wait up.
What if we promise not to leave your side
for the rest of the party?
I don't know.
Or we could bring the party to you.
Simon could go get us some drinks,
and... I could stay here.
Or Noah could get us some drinks,
and we can stay in here.
Okay, that doesn't make sense.
It's okay. You're dressed as a cat.
Nobody has any expectations.
Guys, I think I just need a little time
in here alone with Dude.
Then I'll come out.
Just please go enjoy the party.
If that's what you want...
Take good care of him, Dude.
Yep, on it.
- Ellen at her desk.
- Finding Dory.
She's drinking a lemon seltzer.
She's putting the seltzer down.
- Hold on. It's a lime seltzer.
- Give them to me.
- No way.
- What?
She has a wine fridge.
Okay. She's on the move.
Looks like she's dragging something
across the floor.
My ghoul! It's my ghoul!
- She's stuffing him into a trash bag.
- Shh.
I knew it. That fridge is full of rosé.
Who's up for egging a house?
Savage, darling.
You can do this.
Just take your hand and open the door.
I'm never leaving this room.
Noah, you may be feeling down now,
but wait until you meet
Mr. Matthew McConaughey.
Hey there. I'm here to tell you
everything's
"all right, all right, all right."
Dude.
It's loud enough out there.
I can't handle more noise, okay?
Tough room. There's got to be
something in here that can help.
Hey, a mini fridge. One water coming up.
Is this a fridge or a safe?
Aha.
Thanks, Dude.
Victory.
Yeah.
That probably would've been easier.
Rarr.
You know, Amara, um...
I had this thing I wanted to tell you.
Hey. You guys are Noah's friends, right?
Is he here?
Yes, he is. In a room.
But definitely not in a room
down that hall.
Okay.
Well, if you see him, tell him
to come find me. Killer costume.
- I'm not--
- Leslie Knope. I love her.
Wow. Thanks.
And you're...
Some weird, creepy cat.
Cool.
From an award-winning musical!
Great, I actually like her.
Should we go check on Noah?
He said he wanted us to have some fun.
We should at least go do
a tar-ot card reading.
It's pronounced "tarrow."
Pretty sure it's tar-ot.
Let's just go.
T- a-r-r-o-t.
Tarrot, right?
I'm not wrong.
Dad, how long does it take
to grab eggs from the fridge?
What are you doing?
Did you really think
we were gonna throw raw eggs
and possibly give her salmonella?
We're not animals.
Besides, I made them extra-cheesy
so that they will stick perfectly.
Just need to add some chives...
No chives!
Well, my heart stopped pounding...
but I don't feel like
I can go out and talk to Valerie
- in front of all those people.
- Well, in that case...
like Amara said,
let's bring the party to you.
Dude, where you going?
And since when can you open doors?
You like a boy?
What?
Go on.
He's somewhere in this house.
She's amazing.
But not in this room.
Sure about that?
Quite sure.
Valerie, you in here?
- Valerie?
- Aw...
I know. I'm adorable.
Valerie!
There she is.
Valerie!
Dude, where's Noah?
I hope he's not peeing on the furniture.
There you are. Where did you--
Jeez, I almost peed on the furniture.
Hey.
Hi.
I thought maybe you blew me off
for a cooler party.
You know, I thought about it,
and then I remembered
this is the only party I was invited to.
Why didn't you go classic Solo?
Thanks a lot, Embry.
It still looks cool.
I actually like the new one,
and I love that Dude is Chewy.
Aw, she knows I'm not an Ewok.
I like her.
Florence and the Machine?
You are literally
the only person who's gotten it.
Matchmaker Dog. Fridays on Bravo.
Okay, Noah's been alone in there
for way too long.
But we haven't done that thing
where you stick your hand in the bowl
and you're like, "Ew, eyeballs."
But they're really not eyeballs.
They're actually-- wait for it--
- Grapes?
- Exactly.
Um...
you know, earlier,
I was trying to tell you
about how I felt--
That's it. I'm checking on Noah.
- What the heck?
- So Cage The Elephant is tearing it up...
and Matt does this full stage dive
off the balcony.
I've seen clips. He's intense.
And then he totally
kicked my older sister in the head.
- Seriously?
- It was worth it.
They're coming back to town in March.
My dad and I are gonna go.
I didn't realize you--
Go to concerts?
Yeah, I love them.
I think it's because everyone's focused
on the stage,
and I can just blend in with the crowd.
That makes sense.
This is going great.
Val, it's time to judge
the costume contest.
FYI, there's, like, nine kids
dressed as Peter Porker.
Guess you should go do that.
Come with me.
Okay.
All right. Looks like Noa-lerie's
making their public debut.
Everyone locked and loaded?
Fire in the hole!
We got her. Ha ha ha ha.
Duck.
Who's out there?
Are those mushrooms?
- You added mushrooms?
- Yeah, for weight.
- Shouldn't we be going?
- Yeah, go.
You brought the bab--
Go, go, go, go, go.
Hey, this actually turned out to be
a great Halloween.
Yeah. Holding off trick-or-treating
with my friends for one more year
isn't the worst thing in the world.
Marvin, your inflatable ghoul thing
is caught in my tree.
Little late, Paul!
- Want to help me judge the contest?
- No.
If that's okay.
Just stay calm.
Shoot. Amara's over there.
I don't want her to see me with Valerie
and get upset.
I got to go.
What? Why?
I just got to, okay?
I know. I'll create a distraction.
Okay, if there was ever a time
to use my cuteness, this is it.
How about this move?
Look at the dog.
Yeah. Put in a little hop.
- So cute.
- Look at the puppy.
- Yeah, thought you'd like that one.
- Cute little guy.
Look at him go.
How cute is he?
So cool you got him here,
even if you had to invite that kid
with the weird anxiety thing.
I don't get it.
Hey, Amara.
- You can hang with her, but not with us?
- No.
The only reason
I came to this stupid party
was so I could be with you.
Amara likes you?
Did you know about that?
- Um...
- Thanks a lot.
Set me up to fail, bro.
Did you see me?
How great was that? What a team.
Go away!
What?
Why did you even get Valerie?
I was fine being in the room by myself.
I wish I never had a dog!
I was better off without you!
Aw, Noah, you don't mean that.
Leave me alone!
Go!
Did you find something for the party?
Well, I bought over 30 costumes,
so fingers crossed.
I'm hoping we go as the Property Brothers.
Obviously, I'd be Jonathan.
- Hey, bud. You find--
- Fingers crossed!
Okay.
You know, I think we're gonna give
a lot of kids nightmares this year.
I can't believe Noah's not gonna be here
to hand out candy with us.
He's growing up. Soon he's gonna be
off to college, then to law school--
Law school?
Why just say it like that?
There's that pumpkin.
You mean the one law school paid for?
Heh. Remember how Noah's little hand
was the only one that could
fit in the mouth to turn on the bulb?
We still have Embry's little hands.
I'm going out with my friends
for Halloween.
- What?
- Excuse me?
Addie called to say
that she's having a bunch of girls over
to go trick-or-treating tonight.
Supposedly her neighbors hand out
$20 bills instead of candy.
I figured since Noah's going out,
I can, too.
Well, I guess
I'll go trick-or-treating all by myself.
And I guess I'll just hide on the porch
and watch the kids scream
when the vampire pops out all by myself.
Great. Glad we figured that out.
Which one, Dude?
They're both so bad,
I can't even look at them.
I wish I didn't have to go to this party,
but if I don't go,
then Amara and Simon can't go,
and Simon
won't have a chance to talk to Amara,
- I won't have a chance to talk to Valerie.
- Boy. You're spiraling.
If I talk to Valerie
and say something stupid,
she won't want to talk to me ever again.
Just what we need--
more costumes choices.
Noah?
Stressed about your costume?
What makes you say that?
The answer is yes.
Great. Simon says he just figured out
a costume idea that's straight fire.
Well, Dude says,
"I'll believe it when I see it."
And Amara figured out hers weeks ago.
I'm the only one who has nothing.
Wait. Amara's going to Valerie's party?
Well, that should be interesting.
Why?
Because she likes you.
No, she doesn't.
Yeah, she does.
I've seen her looking at you
with puppy dog eyes.
What are puppy dog eyes?
I do that when I want food
or a head scratch or pretty much 24/7.
Am I doing it now?
Yeah, well,
Amara doesn't look at me like that,
which is a good thing
'cause Simon likes her.
And if she likes me,
things could get really awkward.
Well, then I'm glad
there's no danger of that.
Okay.
What about this one?
If I were l allowed to touch matches...
I'd burn it.
Ditto.
Why did you think your hand
could fit in there?
My emotions clouded my judgment.
Do you two need some help?
No. Totally good.
Love your decorations.
Who knew Halloween could be so adorable?
Well, not everyone's yard
has to look like Satan threw up.
You totally got them.
I don't know
if you heard me scream the other day,
but I just wanted you to know
that your dog snuck through my fence
and dug up my entire backyard.
Dude? Dude wouldn't do that.
He's a saint.
He's a saint
who's peeing on my scarecrow.
Ach, disgusting.
Dude. Come here.
Happy Halloween.
Good boy. Come on.
Trick or treat.
I appreciate Embry's help,
but I don't know
why she insisted I go is 2018 Han Solo.
Classic Solo
would've been much clearer.
Well, because of my size,
everyone's gonna think I'm an Ewok.
Doesn't matter.
I'm all Wookiee inside. Grr...
Wow.
Han Solo, you look great.
Awesome. You got it.
Of course I got it. I love Star Wars.
You told me you hate Star Wars.
You said it's, like, totally overrated.
What? Han Solo's my favorite Jedi.
He's not even a Jedi.
Whatever. My point is,
I really love your costume, Noah.
You look very cool.
Puppy dog eyes.
Well, I love your costume.
Ellen DeGeneres sitting at her desk.
Very clever.
What? First of all,
Ellen doesn't have a desk!
Second, it says Leslie Knope right here.
Parks and Rec.
I just started binging that show.
See?
Noah gets it.
And Simon is...
I'm Rum Tum Tugger
from the Tony Award-winning
Broadway classic-- Cats.
Meow.
Wow.
Well, I have no idea who that is,
but you definitely look straight fire.
Yeah, I do.
Cats is the worst.
Yeah, she gets it.
But it's a musical,
and you love musicals.
Well, I hate that one.
Okay.
I wish I would've known that
before I had my mom
glue fake hair to my face.
But... whatever.
Let's just go inside.
Noah, are you ready to go in?
You can do this.
It's just a party.
Nothing scary about a party.
Okay. Now I'm ready.
Trick or treat!
Well, hello, my royal subjects,
and welcome to Frogmore Cottage,
the home of Prince Harry
and Princess Meghan.
He's obsessed with Downton Abbey.
Just take the candy.
Only one apiece.
These have to last the kingdom
all night.
And what do you say?
- Thank you.
- Jolly good.
Aw, I want more.
This is as close as you're gonna get.
Happy Halloween!
No, no. It's okay. It's not a real baby.
No, look. It's just a doll.
- Mom, what are you doing?
- Traumatizing children.
Honey, you look amazing.
Anna Wintour has nothing on you.
All right, darlings. I'm off to my show.
My chariot awaits. And by chariot,
I mean you, Mom. Let's go.
Okay, then.
Hope you have a great time without us.
I'm immune to your guilt.
Wait.
Where's Dad's inflatable ghoul?
It must've blown away.
I knew I should've secured it better.
Or maybe Lori stole it.
- No, she wouldn't do that.
- I don't know. She was pretty angry
when she saw that Dude
had peed on her scarecrow.
But to steal someone's
favorite Halloween decoration?
I mean, Lori's not that evil.
No one messes with my inflatable ghoul.
Maybe I will stick around a bit longer.
This could get good.
Yay!
I'll be right back.
Excuse me. Sorry. Pardon me.
Don't be polite.
Just... tell people to move.
Everyone out of our freakin' way!
No middle ground.
Yes.
This party...
rules.
I guess it lives up to the hype.
There's Valerie.
You should go say, "What's up?"
I don't know. We just got here.
You don't want her
to start talking to somebody else.
Plus, it'll give me some quality time...
with Amara.
Ellen at her desk. Nice.
Good God.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
Yes. You got this, bro.
I'm right here. And we're walking,
and we're walking,
and...
Valerie's a creepy clown, man! Run!
Noah. Wait up.
What if we promise not to leave your side
for the rest of the party?
I don't know.
Or we could bring the party to you.
Simon could go get us some drinks,
and... I could stay here.
Or Noah could get us some drinks,
and we can stay in here.
Okay, that doesn't make sense.
It's okay. You're dressed as a cat.
Nobody has any expectations.
Guys, I think I just need a little time
in here alone with Dude.
Then I'll come out.
Just please go enjoy the party.
If that's what you want...
Take good care of him, Dude.
Yep, on it.
- Ellen at her desk.
- Finding Dory.
She's drinking a lemon seltzer.
She's putting the seltzer down.
- Hold on. It's a lime seltzer.
- Give them to me.
- No way.
- What?
She has a wine fridge.
Okay. She's on the move.
Looks like she's dragging something
across the floor.
My ghoul! It's my ghoul!
- She's stuffing him into a trash bag.
- Shh.
I knew it. That fridge is full of rosé.
Who's up for egging a house?
Savage, darling.
You can do this.
Just take your hand and open the door.
I'm never leaving this room.
Noah, you may be feeling down now,
but wait until you meet
Mr. Matthew McConaughey.
Hey there. I'm here to tell you
everything's
"all right, all right, all right."
Dude.
It's loud enough out there.
I can't handle more noise, okay?
Tough room. There's got to be
something in here that can help.
Hey, a mini fridge. One water coming up.
Is this a fridge or a safe?
Aha.
Thanks, Dude.
Victory.
Yeah.
That probably would've been easier.
Rarr.
You know, Amara, um...
I had this thing I wanted to tell you.
Hey. You guys are Noah's friends, right?
Is he here?
Yes, he is. In a room.
But definitely not in a room
down that hall.
Okay.
Well, if you see him, tell him
to come find me. Killer costume.
- I'm not--
- Leslie Knope. I love her.
Wow. Thanks.
And you're...
Some weird, creepy cat.
Cool.
From an award-winning musical!
Great, I actually like her.
Should we go check on Noah?
He said he wanted us to have some fun.
We should at least go do
a tar-ot card reading.
It's pronounced "tarrow."
Pretty sure it's tar-ot.
Let's just go.
T- a-r-r-o-t.
Tarrot, right?
I'm not wrong.
Dad, how long does it take
to grab eggs from the fridge?
What are you doing?
Did you really think
we were gonna throw raw eggs
and possibly give her salmonella?
We're not animals.
Besides, I made them extra-cheesy
so that they will stick perfectly.
Just need to add some chives...
No chives!
Well, my heart stopped pounding...
but I don't feel like
I can go out and talk to Valerie
- in front of all those people.
- Well, in that case...
like Amara said,
let's bring the party to you.
Dude, where you going?
And since when can you open doors?
You like a boy?
What?
Go on.
He's somewhere in this house.
She's amazing.
But not in this room.
Sure about that?
Quite sure.
Valerie, you in here?
- Valerie?
- Aw...
I know. I'm adorable.
Valerie!
There she is.
Valerie!
Dude, where's Noah?
I hope he's not peeing on the furniture.
There you are. Where did you--
Jeez, I almost peed on the furniture.
Hey.
Hi.
I thought maybe you blew me off
for a cooler party.
You know, I thought about it,
and then I remembered
this is the only party I was invited to.
Why didn't you go classic Solo?
Thanks a lot, Embry.
It still looks cool.
I actually like the new one,
and I love that Dude is Chewy.
Aw, she knows I'm not an Ewok.
I like her.
Florence and the Machine?
You are literally
the only person who's gotten it.
Matchmaker Dog. Fridays on Bravo.
Okay, Noah's been alone in there
for way too long.
But we haven't done that thing
where you stick your hand in the bowl
and you're like, "Ew, eyeballs."
But they're really not eyeballs.
They're actually-- wait for it--
- Grapes?
- Exactly.
Um...
you know, earlier,
I was trying to tell you
about how I felt--
That's it. I'm checking on Noah.
- What the heck?
- So Cage The Elephant is tearing it up...
and Matt does this full stage dive
off the balcony.
I've seen clips. He's intense.
And then he totally
kicked my older sister in the head.
- Seriously?
- It was worth it.
They're coming back to town in March.
My dad and I are gonna go.
I didn't realize you--
Go to concerts?
Yeah, I love them.
I think it's because everyone's focused
on the stage,
and I can just blend in with the crowd.
That makes sense.
This is going great.
Val, it's time to judge
the costume contest.
FYI, there's, like, nine kids
dressed as Peter Porker.
Guess you should go do that.
Come with me.
Okay.
All right. Looks like Noa-lerie's
making their public debut.
Everyone locked and loaded?
Fire in the hole!
We got her. Ha ha ha ha.
Duck.
Who's out there?
Are those mushrooms?
- You added mushrooms?
- Yeah, for weight.
- Shouldn't we be going?
- Yeah, go.
You brought the bab--
Go, go, go, go, go.
Hey, this actually turned out to be
a great Halloween.
Yeah. Holding off trick-or-treating
with my friends for one more year
isn't the worst thing in the world.
Marvin, your inflatable ghoul thing
is caught in my tree.
Little late, Paul!
- Want to help me judge the contest?
- No.
If that's okay.
Just stay calm.
Shoot. Amara's over there.
I don't want her to see me with Valerie
and get upset.
I got to go.
What? Why?
I just got to, okay?
I know. I'll create a distraction.
Okay, if there was ever a time
to use my cuteness, this is it.
How about this move?
Look at the dog.
Yeah. Put in a little hop.
- So cute.
- Look at the puppy.
- Yeah, thought you'd like that one.
- Cute little guy.
Look at him go.
How cute is he?
So cool you got him here,
even if you had to invite that kid
with the weird anxiety thing.
I don't get it.
Hey, Amara.
- You can hang with her, but not with us?
- No.
The only reason
I came to this stupid party
was so I could be with you.
Amara likes you?
Did you know about that?
- Um...
- Thanks a lot.
Set me up to fail, bro.
Did you see me?
How great was that? What a team.
Go away!
What?
Why did you even get Valerie?
I was fine being in the room by myself.
I wish I never had a dog!
I was better off without you!
Aw, Noah, you don't mean that.
Leave me alone!
Go!