The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 2, Episode 20 - Whose Face Is This, Anyway? - full transcript

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND

♪ TRAVELED DOWN THE
ROAD AND BACK AGAIN

♪ YOUR HEART IS TRUE

♪ YOU'RE A PAL AND A CONFIDANTE

♪ AND IF YOU THREW A PARTY

♪ INVITED EVERYONE YOU KNEW

♪ YOU WOULD SEE THE
BIGGEST GIFT WOULD BE FROM ME

♪ AND THE CARD
ATTACHED WOULD SAY

♪ THANK YOU FOR BEING A FRIEND ♪

OH!

YOU SCARED ME TO DEATH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?



GETTING A CLOSE-UP OF YOUR FACE.

I'M TOO CLOSE. DID YOU HAVE A
POPPY-SEED BAGEL FOR BREAKFAST?

PUT THAT DOWN. WHAT DO
YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

MAKING A VIDEO FOR MY
CLASS AT THE JUNIOR COLLEGE.

REALLY? GEE, IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

I'M GLAD YOU THINK SO. I
WANT YOU AS ONE OF THE STARS.

I DON'T THINK SO. I'M UNCOMFORTABLE
IN FRONT OF A CAMERA.

BESIDES, I ALWAYS COME OUT
LOOKING LIKE FESS PARKER.

THIS IS A DOCUMENTARY. IT'S
OK IF YOU'RE NOT GOOD-LOOKING.

ROSE, STOP TRYING TO APPEAL
TO MY EGO. THE ANSWER IS NO.

OH, SOPHIA, HOW WOULD
YOU LIKE TO STAR IN MY VIDEO?

ARE THERE ANY NUDE LOVE SCENES?

NO.

IF IT'S INTEGRAL TO THE
PLOT, I'M HAPPY TO DO IT.



DOROTHY, SOPHIA WANTS TO
BE IN MY VIDEO. WHY WON'T YOU?

DOROTHY'S ALWAYS
BEEN CAMERA-SHY.

YOU'D BE, IF YOU LOOKED
LIKE FESS PARKER IN HEELS.

OH, BLANCHE, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
PERFORMING IN FRONT OF A VIDEO CAMERA?

IT'S OK AS LONG AS YOU'VE
HAD AT LEAST THREE DATES.

IT'S FOR MY VIDEO CLASS.

MY FINAL PROJECT IS A DAY
IN THE LIFE OF MY ROOMMATES.

SURE, HONEY, THAT
SOUNDS LIKE FUN.

OH, THANK YOU, BLANCHE. YOU'RE
A REAL FRIEND. YOU AND SOPHIA.

I'LL JUST SHOOT AROUND DOROTHY.

OH, ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT,
ROSE, I'LL DO IT.

BUT JUST DON'T
SHOOT FROM TOO LOW.

STAN USED TO DO THAT
IN OUR HOME MOVIES

AND I ALWAYS LOOKED LIKE
SOMEONE FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

SHE LOOKED LIKE FESS
PARKER FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

GIRLS, I JUST GOT AN
INVITATION TO THE REUNION

OF MY COLLEGE
SORORITY, THE ALPHA GAMS.

I BELONGED TO A SORORITY WHEN I
WAS IN COLLEGE, THE ALPHA YAMS.

IT WAS AN AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE.

OH, I CANNOT WAIT TO
SEE MY SORORITY SISTERS.

SCARLETT AND MELANIE AND
ALL THE REST OF THE GIRLS.

IT'S GONNA BE
EXACTLY LIKE OLD TIMES.

OH, WELL, MAYBE
NOT JUST EXACTLY.

THE OTHER GIRLS WILL HAVE GROWN
WRINKLED AND SAGGY THROUGH THE YEARS,

WHILE I HAVE REMAINED
UNBELIEVABLY DEVASTATING.

OOH! I CANNOT WAIT TO GO BACK
THERE AND RUB THEIR NOSES IN IT.

IT'S WONDERFUL. YOU MAKE LIFELONG
BONDS WHEN YOU JOIN A SORORITY.

I NEVER BELONGED TO
ONE. I WAS BLACKBALLED.

OH, I THINK THAT IS SO CRUEL.

THE ALPHA YAMS DIDN'T
HAVE BLACKBALLING.

WE BELIEVED THAT ANY GIRL WHO
WANTED TO HELP HER COMMUNITY

AND FOSTER A
FEELING OF SISTERHOOD

- SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO JOIN.
- VERY COMMENDABLE.

AS LONG AS SHE COULD
CASTRATE A SHEEP.

THERE WAS A SERVICE
ORGANIZATION IN SICILY

WITH SIMILAR MEMBERSHIP
REQUIREMENTS.

EXCEPT THAT INSTEAD OF A SHEEP,

IT USUALLY INVOLVED A MAYOR
FROM A NEIGHBORING TOWN.

MA.

HEY, SOME OF ITALY'S FINEST
SOPRANOS WERE FORMER MAYORS.

HI, ROSE.

DOROTHY, YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO PRETEND I'M NOT HERE.

LOOK, I'M SORRY, ROSE, BUT EVER SINCE YOU
FILMED ME NAKED GIVING MYSELF A PEDICURE,

I'VE BECOME SLIGHTLY
AWARE OF YOUR PRESENCE.

DOROTHY, MY CHILD. SUNSHINE
OF MY LIFE. MWAH! MWAH!

YOU GOT THAT IN
A CLOSE-UP, ROSE?

MA, WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE SOMEONE
WHO JUST ESCAPED FROM IT'S A SMALL WORLD?

COME, MY DARLING DAUGHTER.

MOTHER HAS MADE YOU
YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST.

LASAGNA IN MEAT SAUCE?

MM. DOESN'T IT LOOK DELICIOUS?

AND THINK, FOR JUST $5.95,
THE RECIPE CAN BE YOURS.

HOLD IT. STOP. STOP
THE CAMERA. CUT.

THE DIRECTOR'S THE ONE
WHO SAYS WHEN TO CUT.

UNLESS THE ACTOR IS BIG AND MAD.

MA, WHAT IS GOING ON?

DOROTHY, THIS COULD
BE MY BIG CHANCE.

WITH THE EXPOSURE I GET, I COULD
HAWK MY RECIPES AROUND THE COUNTRY.

OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

NO. IF YOU WANNA MOVE YOUR
PRODUCT, YOU GOTTA HAVE EXPOSURE.

ALL THE GREAT
ITALIAN CHEFS HAD IT.

MAMMA CELESTE, CHEF
BOYARDEE... AND CHEF BALDUCCI.

I DON'T REMEMBER CHEF BALDUCCI.

OH, RIGHT. HE DIDN'T HAVE TELEVISION
EXPOSURE, THAT WAS INDECENT EXPOSURE.

HE SHOULD'VE STUFFED CANNELLONI
IN THE TRADITIONAL MANNER.

HI, GIRLS.

BLANCHE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I THOUGHT
THE REUNION WASN'T OVER TILL TOMORROW.

NO, IT ISN'T. I JUST DECIDED
I'D COME HOME EARLY.

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, NOTHING.

WHATEVER GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?

AS LONG AS NOTHING'S
BOTHERING YOU.

SHOULD WE DEFROST A LOIN OF PORK
SO YOU CAN SCOOP UP THE SAUCE?

WELL, I CAN'T HELP
IT. I'M SO UPSET.

SEEING MY SORORITY
SISTERS WAS JUST DREADFUL.

WHY?

IT WAS AS IF TIME HAD
STOOD STILL FOR 30 YEARS.

EVERY WOMAN LOOKED WONDERFUL.
THEY'D HARDLY AGED AT ALL.

I SAW A MOVIE LIKE THAT ONCE.

ALL THE WOMEN WERE SUCKED
UP INTO FLYING SAUCERS.

AND MECHANICAL DOUBLES WERE SENT
BACK TO EARTH TO TAKE THEIR PLACE.

DID ANY OF THEM MENTION
A LEADER NAMED ZARDOS?

ROSE, I'M SAYING THEY
HAD ALL HAD FACE-LIFTS

AND THEY LOOKED
ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS.

IT WAS THE MOST DISGUSTING
SPECTACLE I'VE EVER WITNESSED IN MY LIFE.

WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU UPSET
BECAUSE THE REUNION WENT GREAT

AND YOUR SORORITY
SISTERS LOOKED WONDERFUL?

OF COURSE NOT. THAT
WOULD BE CHILDISH.

I'M UPSET BECAUSE I
WASN'T THE CENTER OF

ATTENTION AND NOBODY
SAID I WAS THE PRETTIEST.

COME ON NOW, BLANCHE.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

OH, DOROTHY.

YOU CAN NOT POSSIBLY
BEGIN TO COMPREHEND

THE TERRIBLE TRAUMA A
GORGEOUS WOMAN GOES THROUGH

WHEN SHE REALIZES HER
BEAUTY IS STARTING TO FADE.

AND WHO DO YOU SEE WHEN
YOU LOOK AT ME, JOE PEPITONE?

ALL MY LIFE MY BEAUTY HAS
OUTSHONE EVERY OTHER WOMAN'S.

BUT NO MORE. NOW PEOPLE ARE
CUTER THAN ME... MY LIFE IS OVER.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE THAT ABOUT
IT, YOU CAN GET A FACE-LIFT, TOO.

I CAN'T. SURGERY SCARES ME TO
DEATH. THAT'S OUT OF THE QUESTION.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO GROW
OLD ALONG WITH THE REST OF US.

I COULDN'T GO ON IF I
LOOKED LIKE YOU TWO.

YOU KNOW, SHE HAD ME IN HER
CORNER RIGHT UP UNTIL THE END.

- HI, MA. WANT SOME TEA?
- NAH, I'M TRYING TO CUT BACK.

TEA STAINS MY DENTURES. I
HAD TO SOAK THEM IN AJAX.

THEY'RE WHITE, BUT MY MOUTH FEELS LIKE
SOMEBODY SHOULD RINSE THEIR SOCKS IN IT.

- GLASS OF MILK?
- NAH, IT UPSETS MY STOMACH.

- ORANGE JUICE?
- TOO ACIDIC.

- CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING?
- CUP OF TEA WOULD BE NICE.

THE ROUGH-CUT OF MY DOCUMENTARY IS
DONE FOR YOU TO SEE. WHERE'S BLANCHE?

WHERE SHE'S BEEN
FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS.

LOCKED IN HER ROOM CRYING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE'S STILL UPSET

BECAUSE HER CLASSMATES
LOOK BETTER THAN SHE DOES.

I CAN. I TELL YOU, HER LOOKS HAVE
ALWAYS BEEN VERY IMPORTANT TO BLANCHE.

BLANCHE IS A VAIN PERSON
AND VANITY IS A TERRIBLE THING.

I SHOULD KNOW. I
WAS VAIN MYSELF.

YOU, SOPHIA?

YOU THINK I WAS BORN WITH
WHITE HAIR AND A PLAY-DOH BUTT?

WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER,
I WAS GORGEOUS.

EYES AS DEEP AND
BLACK AS RIPE OLIVES.

SKIN AS SMOOTH AND
CREAMY AS FRESH BUTTER.

HAIR FLAMING RED LIKE
A RICH MARINARA SAUCE.

MA, THAT'S NOT YOU, THAT'S
YOUR LASAGNA RECIPE.

AH, SHUT UP.

ANYWAY, I WAS THE MOST
GORGEOUS GIRL IN THE VILLAGE

AND I HAD MY PICK OF THE TOWN'S
MOST ELIGIBLE GOAT FARMERS.

UNTIL ANNA MARIA
ALONSO PALADINO,

KNOWN TO HER FRIENDS AS MUFFIN,

MOVED TO OUR VILLAGE.

SUDDENLY, ALL THE MEN,
WHO WERE ALWAYS FIGHTING

OVER WHO WOULD KEEP THE
FOOTPRINTS I LEFT IN THE MUD,

WERE AFTER MUFFIN.

SO, I DECIDED...
WAIT, JUST A MINUTE.

THEY WOULD FIGHT OVER WHO KEPT
THE FOOTPRINTS YOU LEFT IN THE MUD?

IT WAS A POOR VILLAGE, DOROTHY.

WHAT DID YOU WANT THEM
TO COLLECT, FABERGE EGGS?

I WAS TOO VAIN TO BE THE SECOND-MOST
BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE VILLAGE.

SO, I WENT TO MUFFIN
AND I TOLD HER HOW I FELT.

THAT WAS WHEN I FOUND OUT

THAT BEAUTIFUL GIRL WAS
EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE.

SHE OFFERED TO MOVE TO
THE NEIGHBORING VILLAGE.

AND YOU FELT GUILTY
'CAUSE YOU'D BEEN VAIN.

HELL, NO. I HELPED HER PACK.

BUT IT ALL BACKFIRED IN MY FACE

BECAUSE THE NEXT DAY, ALL THE
GOOD-LOOKING MEN FOLLOWED HER.

THAT'S HOW I ENDED
UP WITH YOUR FATHER.

BOY, TALK ABOUT LEARNING
A LESSON THE HARD WAY!

HI. HI, GIRLS.

- HOW ARE YOU FEELING?
- MUCH BETTER.

I'VE DECIDED I'VE BEEN ACTING
FOOLISH ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.

I GUESS I STILL
LOOK PRETTY GOOD.

PRETTY GOOD? YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.

I KNOW. I ALSO DECIDED
TO BE A BIT MORE MODEST.

BUT IN THIS CASE THAT'S
LYING, WHICH IS WORSE.

SO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I DO LOOK TERRIFIC.

OH, THANK GOODNESS
THAT'S OVER WITH.

I'M DYING FOR YOUR
OPINION ON MY MOVIE.

IT'S ALL SET UP. I DIDN'T GET THE
SOUNDTRACK IN, BUT I GOT THE EDITING DONE.

REMEMBER, IT'D BE
BETTER WITH A BIGGER TV.

- WE KNOW.
- IT'D BE BETTER WITH MUSIC.

- WE UNDERSTAND.
- AND IT'D BE BETTER...

IT WOULD BE BETTER WITH
SHELLEY HACK. TURN IT ON.

HERE GOES.

[BLANCHE GIGGLES]

THAT'S SOPHIA WALKING
INTO THE KITCHEN.

I DIDN'T KNOW FESS
PARKER WAS IN THIS PICTURE.

- MA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- MUGGING FOR THE CAMERA.

YOU'RE MUGGING ME. YOU'RE
STEALING MONEY FROM MY POCKET.

I'M SEEING IF YOU HAVE
CHANGE FOR THE BUS.

NOW I'M STEALING.

OH, MY GOD. IS THAT
ME? I LOOK AWFUL.

- NO, I WAS OUT OF FOCUS.
- YOU ALWAYS ARE.

NO, I LOOK OLD. I LOOK
DECREPIT. I LOOK ANCIENT.

I LOOK SHRIVELED UP AND
WRINKLED LIKE A PRUNE.

COULD BE WORSE. SHE
COULD LOOK LIKE FESS PARKER.

- TURN THAT THING OFF RIGHT NOW.
- BLANCHE!

BLANCHE, BLANCHE, NOW CALM DOWN.

I'M JUST AS CALM AS CAN
BE. AND YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE MY WORST SUSPICIONS
HAVE JUST BEEN CONFIRMED.

MY GOOD LOOKS ARE FADING.
THE CAMERA DOES NOT LIE.

THAT LEAVES ME
WITH ONLY ONE CHOICE.

I AM GONNA BE PERFECT.

I'M GONNA BE GORGEOUS.

I'M GONNA HAVE MY TUMMY
TUCKED AND MY BUTT FIRMED

AND MY BREASTS RAISED
AND MY FACE LIFTED.

IT'S A SHAME TO DO ALL
THAT AND KEEP THAT HAIRDO.

HERE, ROSE. WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF CHERYL TIEGS' NOSE?

OH, VERY NICE. KINDA SMALL.

GRANDPA NYLUND ALWAYS SAID,

"THE AIR IS FREE. HAVE A BIG HONKER
AND SUCK UP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN."

COURSE, HE LOOKED LIKE HE'D
CAUGHT A BOOMERANG IN HIS FACE.

- I LIKE THIS. I'M GONNA GET IT.
- WHAT ARE YOU GETTING?

I'M PICKING OUT THE KIND OF FACE
TO SHOW THE PLASTIC SURGEON.

I WANNA GET LINDA EVANS'S EYES
AND LENA HORNE'S CHEEKBONES

AND CHERYL TIEGS' NOSE
AND CAROL BURNETT'S CHIN.

YOU CAN GET THAT CHIN
THROUGH A CATALOG.

IF YOU PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, YOU
SEE WHAT THE NEW ME'S GONNA LOOK LIKE.

SEE, THERE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT
A PICTURE OF GAVIN MACLEOD?

NO, THIS IS A COLLAGE OF THE
THINGS I'M HAVING DONE TO MY FACE.

YOU'RE GOING AHEAD
WITH THE SURGERY?

I AM. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN
IT. IT'S UNNATURAL.

THIS FROM A WOMAN WHO SLEPT
WITH A PIG UNTIL SHE WAS 11.

IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER TO LOOK
BETTER, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.

I GUESS THAT LOOKING
GOOD ISN'T IMPORTANT TO ME.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU WEAR MAKE-UP, HAVE YOUR
NAILS DONE, COLOR YOUR HAIR.

THIS IS MY HAIR'S NATURAL COLOR.

YEAH, AND JOHN MADDEN
IS A FINICKY EATER.

WELL, YOU MIGHT HAVE A POINT.

BUT PLASTIC SURGERY IS
SO DRASTIC. I'D BE SCARED.

BELIEVE ME, HONEY, THERE IS
NOTHING TO IT. IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

DOROTHY, HAVE YOU HAD PLASTIC
SURGERY? I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

- WHAT DID YOU HAVE DONE?
- MY EYES. WORTH EVERY PENNY.

PLEASE, YOU SPENT $1,500, YOU
GO OUT ON TWO DATES A YEAR.

I DIDN'T DO IT FOR ANYBODY
ELSE. I DID IT FOR ME.

MOST PEOPLE DIDN'T
KNOW I'D HAD SURGERY.

BUT I KNEW. IT MADE ME
FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF.

WELL, YOU WERE LUCKY. IT DOESN'T
ALWAYS WORK OUT THAT WELL.

IT SURE DIDN'T FOR OLGA FETCHIK.

JUST A MINUTE, ROSE.

SOMEBODY GIVE ME A HAND
SIGNAL WHEN SHE'S FINISHED.

OLGA FETCHIK WAS
OUR TOWN BEAUTICIAN.

AND ONE OF GOD'S MOST UNATTRACTIVE
CREATIONS SINCE THE AARDVARK.

ANYWAY, OVER THE YEARS,

OLGA HAD BEEN SECRETLY SQUIRRELING
AWAY MONEY FOR PLASTIC SURGERY.

WELL, ONE DAY SHE LEFT
WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE,

HAD THE SURGERY AND
DIDN'T RETURN FOR MONTHS.

WELL, NOBODY COULD
BELIEVE THEIR EYES.

OLGA FETCHIK HAD TURNED
INTO A STUNNING BEAUTY.

EVERY MAN IN TOWN WANTED HER.

SHE ENDED UP MARRYING ST. OLAF'S
MOST HANDSOME AND ELIGIBLE BACHELOR,

DANCE INSTRUCTOR ADOLPH STEP.

THE TWO OF THEM MOVED BACK TO NORWAY,
DECIDED TO GET INTO SHOW BUSINESS,

AND BECAME THE
INTERNATIONALLY RENOWNED

SCANDINAVIAN DANCE
TEAM OF STEP AND FETCHIK.

ROSE, NOT THAT I CARE, BUT SINCE
YOU'VE ALREADY GONE TO SO MUCH TROUBLE,

JUST HOW DID HAVING PLASTIC
SURGERY RUIN OLGA'S LIFE?

OH, IT DIDN'T RUIN HER LIFE,
IT ALMOST RUINED ST. OLAF.

AFTER SHE LEFT, THE TOWN DIDN'T HAVE
A PROFESSIONAL BEAUTICIAN FOR YEARS.

WOMEN STARTED GIVING
EACH OTHER HOME PERMS.

PRETTY SOON, EVERYBODY
LOOKED LIKE ART GARFUNKEL.

HUSBANDS STOPPED
SLEEPING WITH THEIR WIVES,

THE POPULATION
STARTED TO GO DOWN.

WELL, THE TOWN WOULD
HAVE GONE UNDER

IF OSLO'S MOST
FAMOUS HAIRSTYLIST,

VIDAL SASSBOGADOTTER...

HADN'T RELOCATED
HIS SHOP IN ST. OLAF

BECAUSE OF OUR MORE
FAVORABLE TAX LAWS.

NOW, YOU SEE WHY I DON'T
LIKE PLASTIC SURGERY?

- [INCREASES VOLUME]
- OW! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

WHY SHOULD WE BE ALONE IN PAIN?

YOU WERE SAYING, ROSE?

MRS. DEVEREAUX, COME
IN, PLEASE. I'M DR. TAYLOR.

- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
- LET'S GO OVER YOUR FORM.

OH, FINE. SHALL I DISROBE HERE OR
DO YOU HAVE AN EXAMINING ROOM?

YOUR MEDICAL FORM THAT YOU
FILLED OUT IN THE WAITING ROOM.

SORRY.

YOU ARE PROPOSING SOME
VERY EXTENSIVE SURGERY HERE.

EYES, NOSE, STOMACH...

AND BREASTS. THESE ARE FROM
A MAGAZINE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

VERY NICE.

THE ANGLE'S A LITTLE STEEP
FOR MY PERSONAL TASTES.

BUT THEY CERTAINLY
DO MAKE A STATEMENT.

YES, THEY DO, THEY SAY "BIG".

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT.

IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT
BREASTS ARE MY SPECIALTY.

YOU HAVE THAT IN COMMON WITH A
LINEBACKER I KNOW ON THE MIAMI DOLPHINS.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I'VE
WORKED ON A FEW CELEBRITIES.

TELL ME, WHAT CELEBRITIES
HAVE YOU DONE?

NOW, I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.
THAT WOULD BE UNETHICAL.

LET'S JUST SAY THAT
SOME OF MY HANDIWORK

IS PROMINENTLY FEATURED ON
NBC'S THURSDAY NIGHT LINE-UP.

- NOW, MRS. DEVEREAUX...
- CALL ME BLANCHE.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TIGHTENING
MY BEHIND AND PUMPING UP MY BOSOMS.

WE CAN BE ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS.

ALRIGHT, BLANCHE. BUT I THINK THERE'S
SOME THINGS THAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THERE ARE GOOD REASONS FOR
HAVING THIS KIND OF WORK DONE.

BUT THERE ARE ALSO BAD ONES.

PLASTIC SURGERY WILL ONLY
IMPROVE YOUR GENERAL APPEARANCE.

IT WON'T MAKE YOU PERFECT.

AND, AS WITH ANY SURGERY,
THERE ARE RISKS INVOLVED.

THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO
GUARANTEES, NO MIRACLES.

DR. TAYLOR, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO
DISSUADE ME FROM HAVING THIS SURGERY.

YOU SEE, ALL MY LIFE,
MY PHYSICAL BEAUTY

HAS SERVED AS A SOURCE
OF INSPIRATION TO ME.

AND TO COUNTLESS OTHERS.

BUT NOW THAT BEAUTY SEEMS
TO BE FADING AND... I'M SCARED.

I'VE NEVER HAD TO DO WITHOUT
IT AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN.

I DON'T MIND GROWING OLDER,
AS LONG AS I LOOK THE SAME.

THERE'S NO DOUBT. I DON'T
CARE ABOUT THE RISKS.

I DEFINITELY INTEND
TO HAVE THIS SURGERY.

OH, BLANCHE, HONEY.

HOW ARE YOU?

MM-MMM.

YOU'RE PROBABLY UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT
NOW, BUT IN A FEW DAYS YOU'LL FEEL FINE.

[MUMBLES]

CAN WE GET YOU ANYTHING?

[MUMBLES]

WHOA.

YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF ONE HELL
OF A LAWSUIT THERE, BLANCHE.

WAS THIS A LAST-MINUTE DECISION?

WE'RE VERY SORRY, SIR.

NURSE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT
HAPPENED TO MRS. DEVEREAUX?

SHE CANCELED HER SURGERY.
SHE CHECKED OUT THIS MORNING.

SORRY FOR THE
INCONVENIENCE, MR. DIODORO.

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR MEDICATION.

DIODORO? FUNNY, HE
DIDN'T LOOK ITALIAN.

- SHE'S NOT OUT THERE.
- SHE ISN'T IN HER BEDROOM.

THERE'S NO ONE IN THE KITCHEN
NOW, BUT THE COFFEE'S STILL WARM.

BECAUSE WE WERE DRINKING
IT LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO.

EXCUSE ME, MISS
MARPLE, I'M NEW AT THIS.

- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- YOU HAD US WORRIED SICK.

I'M SORRY, I THOUGHT I'D
GET HOME BEFORE YOU LEFT.

I WOULD HAVE, IF I HADN'T SEEN
THIS STUNNING DRESS IN A STORE

AND REALIZED HOW
IT WOULD ACCENTUATE

THE SOFT, VOLUPTUOUS
CURVES OF MY GORGEOUS BODY.

GORGEOUS BODY? YESTERDAY IT WAS A
BAG OF RUSSET POTATOES WITH EARRINGS.

THAT DEPENDS ON
HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.

AND DR. GORDON TAYLOR OBVIOUSLY
LOOKED AT IT WITH DESIRE IN HIS EYES.

HE ASKED ME OUT ON FRIDAY NIGHT.

SO YOU CANCELED THE
SURGERY FOR A DATE?

IT WASN'T ANY OLD DATE.
IT WAS WITH A PLASTIC

SURGEON. BEAUTY
IS HIS STOCK IN TRADE.

HE CAN CREATE ANY
FACE, ANY BODY HE WANTS.

WHAT HE WANTED WAS MINE.
THAT GOT ME TO THINKING.

ALL MY LIFE I HAVE HAD A UNIQUE CHARM
THAT JUST KIND OF FLOWED NATURALLY.

IF I TAMPERED WITH THAT, I
COULD RISK LOSING FOREVER

THAT SPECIAL MAGIC THAT
IS BLANCHE DEVEREAUX.

THAT WAS A RISK I WAS
NOT WILLING TO TAKE.

THAT'S WHY YOU DECIDED
NOT TO HAVE SURGERY.

NO, I LANDED MYSELF A
DOCTOR, SO HE CAN PAY FOR IT.

BESIDES, I CAN LIVE WITH THE
LINES AND WRINKLES AND SAGGING,

AS LONG AS I HAVE YOU
THREE TO GROW OLD WITH.

WHAT A LOVELY THING TO SAY.

YEAH. SPECIALLY SINCE NO
MATTER HOW OLD WE GET,

I'LL ALWAYS BE THE YOUNGEST, AND THE
PRETTIEST AND BY FAR THE MOST DESIRABLE.

YOU KNOW, ONCE AGAIN
SHE HAD ME IN HER CORNER

RIGHT UP UNTIL THE END.