The Golden Girls (1985–1992): Season 1, Episode 22 - Job Hunting - full transcript
Rose loses her job and has trouble finding another one.
♪ Thank you for being a friend
♪ Traveled down the
road and back again
♪ Your heart is true
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
♪ And if you threw a party
♪ Invited everyone you knew
♪ You would see the
biggest gift would be from me
♪ And the card
attached would say,
♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪
♪ Kentucky babe, sandman am
a-comin' to this little babe of mine
♪ Sleep, Kentucky babe
♪ Silvery moon am shining
in the heaven up above
♪ Bobolink am pining
for his little lady love
♪ You is mighty lucky,
babe of old Kentucky
♪ Close your eyes and sleep
♪ Fly away, fly away...
We're out of pepperoni! I'm
starving, and we're out of pepperoni!
I'm sorry, Sophia honey.
Would you like some celery
stuffed with cottage cheese?
I can't eat cottage
cheese. It repeats on me.
Hello, hello. Hi, Blanche.
How are you, sweet Mother?
We're out of pepperoni.
Did you call Dan Rather?
I'm starving. I
defrosted some chicken.
We'll eat in half an hour.
I can't eat chicken.
It repeats on me.
Look, Ma, you don't
have to make excuses.
If you don't want chicken,
just say, "I don't want chicken.
I don't want chicken.
Good.
It repeats on me.
I want pepperoni.
Blanche, Blanche, would
you like some broiled chicken?
Oh, no, thank you. I'm
having a raw vegetable plate.
You probably haven't noticed
it, but I've put on three pounds.
On each side.
I used to have a waist
just like Scarlett O'Hara.
Well, you know that girl
had an 18-inch waistline.
Blanche, that girl and
her waistline were fiction.
It's terrible, just
terrible. I am so upset!
Rose, Rose. Honey, sit down.
Sweetheart, tell
us all about it.
Ma, would you get
Rose some water?
What is she gonna do with water?
Has water ever made you feel
better when you were upset?
Have you ever heard anyone
say, "Thank God, the water's here!"
Call me when dinner is ready.
I'm fine, don't worry about
me. It's all those other people.
Was there some kind of
accident? No, don't tell me.
If I get upset, I'll eat!
What happened, Rose?
They closed the center.
Not your Grief
Counseling Center?
No, the Kennedy Space Center.
She wanted to be the
first Lutheran on the moon.
Rose, you're out of a job!
Well, I can't worry
about that now.
Well, sure you can, honey.
I'll help you - food,
clothing, shelter.
Oh come on, it's
not that serious.
Yes, it could be. Rose, you
and I are in the same boat.
If we miss a couple
of paychecks,
we are in big trouble.
Thank God I had the
foresight to marry money.
Tramp.
Dorothy, my main
concern is making sure
those miserable people
can find other sources of help.
Then I'll get a job.
I'm dependable,
friendly, loyal, eager.
That's great. If she learns to
catch a Frisbee in her teeth,
she can get work
as a golden retriever.
Oh!
Hello.
Hello.
I'm Dorothy. Milton.
Oh, pleased to meet
you, Milton. Likewise.
I live here.
Oh.
You don't.
I live over on Dorado. Ah.
It's about a 20-minute walk...
but I usually take the bus.
Are you waiting for one now?
No, I'm learning to get in
touch with my emotions.
Tell me, will it take long?
You know, you're reading
my Newsweek. Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, Dorothy, I
see you met Milton.
Oh, yes. We were
just getting acquainted.
Dump him, Rose. He's driftwood.
Oh, no, Dorothy.
Milton's from the center.
His partner ran
off with his wife
and all the money
from the business.
Oh, Milton, I'm sorry.
Keep the Newsweek.
Now, here's the address of
a private counseling service,
and in the meantime, my
number's down there at the bottom.
Now, don't hesitate to
call anytime, day or night.
Day or night?
Thanks again, Rose. Oh,
you're welcome, Milton.
You let me know how it
works out. I certainly will.
And no more
tears. All right. Bye.
He's such a royal
pain in the butt...
but it's all part of my job.
You don't have a job, remember?
I haven't forgotten, Dorothy.
I've just been too
busy to start looking.
You haven't even
started looking?
Don't worry, will
you? I will get a job.
There's always a job for people
who aren't afraid of hard work.
That's what my
father used to say.
He was talking about
milking cows in Minnesota!
Here, phone messages.
Oh, thank you, Sophia.
If you have to go out
tomorrow, ask those crybabies
not to call during The
Young and the Restless.
Mr. Viner's depressed.
Mrs. Gibson's despondent.
Mr. Duvalier's been deported.
Why, oh, why can't
grief take a holiday?
Oh, it does, Rose, it does.
Eventually, it comes to
Miami, like everyone else.
Oh, my God. I don't believe it!
Barry Glick is in town.
Oh, I haven't seen
him since high school.
Barry Glick! Ma, Ma,
look, look, Barry Glick!
Oh boy, did I have
the hots for him!
He says he wants to
get together next week.
You're gonna see him?
See him? If he's within 50
pounds of where he used to be,
I'm gonna marry him!
Oh, Barry Glick.
Oh, and Mrs. Montez found
her cat. I'll bet she's happy, too.
Not exactly. She found it
under a Jeep Wagoneer.
Rose! Rose!
Rose, will you wake
up? You have a call.
Is it time to milk
the cows, Daddy?
No, kitten. You
have a phone call.
What did you say, Dorothy?
You have a phone call.
It's your friend Milton.
No, I can't believe
he's calling at this hour!
Well, you told him
to call day or night.
I didn't mean it.
It's an expression,
like, "laugh and the
world laughs with you."
Well, the whole world
doesn't really laugh.
That's because they're too busy
calling here in the middle of the night.
Good night, Rose!
I hate phone calls in
the middle of the night.
Now I'll never
get back to sleep.
I'm as jumpy as a
virgin at a prison rodeo.
Boy, that's... pretty jumpy.
Well, didn't the
phone scare you?
Well, of course it did.
One of those times I really
miss having a man around.
They're so good at
answering the phone
in the middle of the night.
That's not all they're good at.
And when they're really good,
you don't even hear the phone.
Ma, why are you
sitting here in the dark?
Why not? I've seen
the living room before.
Look, look. I've
got to get some rest.
Tomorrow I am seeing Barry
Glick for the first time in 35 years.
If I don't get at least six hours'
sleep, I look like Buddy Ebsen!
Now that you mention
it... Shut up, Blanche.
Oh, I know it. You're
right. It's just terrible.
If I get up in the
middle of the night, I eat.
Wait a minute, you
know something?
We're being selfish.
I mean, Rose's problem is
more important than my date.
Or my losing two pounds.
Three pounds.
She has to face reality.
I am. I already lost one pound!
In your dreams.
I'm talking about Rose.
She has to find a job.
She's been out of
work for over a week.
I am really sorry about this,
girls. It won't happen again.
Now come on. We
can all go back...
No, no, no, wait.
Rose, sit down.
Move over, move
over. Now, listen.
We have something to talk to you
about. We are worried about you.
Now, maybe it's
none of our business,
but all that time that you spend
with those pathetic
wimps from the center,
you should spend
looking for a job.
But those wimps need me.
But Rose, honey, you
have your own problems.
Look. You are 55, unemployed,
your husband is dead,
and you have no training.
Let's face it, Rose. You're
not exactly Mary Lou Retton.
Honey, we know it's not easy,
but you got to get out there and try.
I have tried.
I just haven't told you.
I've had dozens
of job interviews
since the center closed.
No one wants me. I
can't afford not to work.
I need something
to do with my life.
I never think of myself as
old, but everyone else does.
Maybe I am old... old
and useless... and terrified.
Come in.
Oh, Rose.
Rose, honey, now why didn't
you tell us what was going on?
Because you can't
help me find a job.
Because nobody or nothing
can make me young again.
Oh, all right, Rose, so your life
isn't the same as it used to be.
The rules have changed, but
it's happened before, hasn't it?
I mean, what did you
do after Charley died?
Buried him.
I mean, what did
you do the next day
when you had to start
putting your life together?
I couldn't do it. I'd been
a housewife for 32 years.
I totally depended on Charley.
But the point is, eventually
you did what you had to do.
You took care of yourself.
Sweetheart, you're now in
exactly the same position.
Not exactly.
I'm five years older... and
nobody wants me around.
Oh honey, we want you around.
We just can't afford to pay you.
Rose, Rose, look at me.
Rose, listen. You are
feeling sorry for yourself.
Sure, you're five years
older. So am I, so is Blanche.
All right.
You have a few more wrinkles -
so do I, so has Blanche.
All right, you're a little
thicker around the middle.
So is Blanche!
Listen, we are not
going to stand by
and just let you give up.
We're gonna
figure out what it is
you're doing wrong
on these interviews.
We're gonna fix it,
and we're gonna try and get
you some more appointments.
Appointments are the easy part.
I've got one tomorrow.
I'd kill for this job -
hospital administrator -
but I'll never get it.
I'm not qualified. I'm too old.
What time is your appointment?
- 30.
All right, let me
see your resume.
Come on, come on, come on.
OK, now, let's see. Let's see.
"Home ec major at
Rockport Community College,
"six months at St.
Paul's Business School,
"32 years of marriage,
"laid off from your job
at Grief Counseling.
"Hobbies: cheese-making...
"stamp collecting,
and... Viking history"?
Rose, this stinks.
Well, it's the truth.
Honey, sometimes you
have to stretch the truth.
Of course you
do. Now, let's see.
Graduated top of your class.
Intensive postgraduate study.
32 years with the same employer
until you moved to Miami.
Currently seeking work
in the private sector.
Voilà. This is the resume of a
potential hospital administrator.
Well, I don't know if I can
pull it off, but I'm willing to try.
Oh, good. Now we
can get some sleep.
Oh, I can't fall asleep now.
Still at the rodeo, Blanche?
I can't sleep, either. Why don't
I make us all some warm milk?
After I drink milk,
I go right to sleep.
I can think of something else after
which I go right to sleep. Huh, Dorothy?
During.
Girls, we can't drink
plain milk. Why not?
It's disgusting. If we're gonna
have milk, we need cookies.
Hell, if I'm gonna have cookies,
I'm gonna have cheesecake.
Is there cheesecake?
Chocolate cheesecake.
You bought chocolate
cheesecake? Just for an emergency.
What kind of emergency,
nuclear war? Depression.
Oh, you'll never
guess what I found!
Judge Crater.
Cookies and cream
ice cream - my favorite.
Wait a minute.
We're eating dessert.
We can't start with dessert.
If we're gonna have dessert,
we better have
something to begin with.
Sure. You can have some lemon
chicken and smoked ham. It's all prepared.
Oh, let's just start with
appetizers. That's fine.
How about smoked
oysters? Oh, good.
Oh, you'll never
guess what I found!
Jimmy Hoffa.
Pepperoni!
Uh-oh. Don't tell Mom.
That could be an
appetizer. Well, this is good.
This is all food that would
have spoiled. Oh, boy.
I am so glad that my date
with Barry is tomorrow.
The fat won't have
time to show. It won't?
No. It always takes a
few days before it shows.
Where does it go
in the meantime?
To Connecticut! How
do I know where it goes?
With me, the minute it goes
in my mouth, I balloon up.
I can go out to dinner, and
in the middle of the meal,
my pants are cutting
off my circulation so bad,
my feet are turning blue.
Well, I just want to
be svelte for Barry.
Barry Glick is very
important to you.
Barry was the man that
I wanted to be the first.
First where?
On Mars, Rose! My first lover.
Well, so what happened?
Stanley - that's what happened.
Stanley. I went to a
drive-in with Stanley.
He said he was being shipped
off to Korea and would probably die
and it would mean so much.
That was my part
of the war effort.
It took three seconds.
I wasn't sure that we had
done anything, actually...
until nine months later,
when the baby came.
Then I figured out that we had.
You know, that
was my only proof.
I waited till my wedding night.
No!
Yes! And?
And... it was a surprise.
How is that possible?
Another man showed up?
What I mean is... I had
never seen a man before.
A man?
You know... a man.
No!
Yes!
What about your father? You
mean, you never saw your father?
My father? Oh, no! My father?
Oh, my goodness, no! I
would have simply died!
Oh, you don't... Oh, my
God! Easy, easy, easy, Rose.
Calm down, calm
down. Easy! All right!
The only things I ever saw
were the animals on the farm,
you know, the
bulls and the horses.
Tough act to follow.
Actually, that first night
I was kind of, well...
appalled, I guess.
But Charley was very patient.
It was really very nice,
once I understood that that's
what you were supposed to do...
that it wasn't some
colossal joke, you know?
I mean, didn't you think it was a
ridiculous thing to do the first time?
No!
Well, I certainly didn't wait
for my wedding night, honey.
I couldn't. I had these urges.
You know, in the
South, we mature faster.
I think it's the heat.
I think it's the gin.
Anyhow, my first was Billy.
Oh, I remember it so well,
just like it was yesterday.
That night under
the dogwood trees,
the air thick with perfume,
and me with Billy... or Bobby.
Yeah, Bobby.
Yeah, it was Bobby...
or was it Ben?
Oh, who knows? Anyway,
it started with a "B."
That first time...
did you have...?
Are you serious?
Why, many times that first
time. Many, many times!
You did? You didn't?
No!
Oh, it was nice - being
near Charley was nice,
but it was five years before I knew what
made your eyes go back in your head.
Dorothy, did you have...?
How could I? I mean, it always seemed
to happen before I was in the room.
Look what we've eaten! Oh,
and I can't sleep on a full stomach.
Look at what time it is.
Would you like some coffee?
Sure. How 'bout some
Danish? It's almost breakfast.
Hey, want some eggs? Sure!
Do we have any bacon? Yeah.
Scramble me a couple,
but... Scramble soft!
You're a wonderful
woman, Blanche.
No offense to Rose,
but I'm glad she wasn't
here when I dropped by today.
Why, Milton, what
a sweet thing to say.
That must be why I
date more than she does.
And I meant what I said
about that diet of yours.
Men of our generation like
a little meat on their women.
Maybe you don't want
to pinch an inch, but I do.
Ooh, ooh, Milton!
See you tonight at 7:00.
Tonight at 7:00, then.
Good afternoon.
I thought he belonged
to the other one.
Well, I'm sure Rose
won't mind one bit.
He's a man. It's not
like sharing a yogurt.
- Hello, hello, hello!
- Hi, Dorothy.
Honey, did Barry
call? Not that I know of.
We're supposed to go out
again. Sounds like lunch went well.
Oh, we had such fun.
You know, Barry is
exactly as I remembered.
Come on, now. After 35 years,
there must have
been some surprises.
Well, a few. You know, his hair's a little
thinner, he's put on a little weight.
But is he still your fantasy lover,
or has the fantasy become a reality?
Well, not exactly.
You see, Barry Glick is gay.
I knew he was gay.
I could tell by the way he
used to worship Buster Crabbe.
Oh, honey, are you just
devastated? Oh, hey, what the hell?
I mean, if I can't have him, at least I
know no other woman can have him, either.
Hi, girls! Oh, hi there!
Hey, are we to assume
from your cheerful demeanor
that we are talking to a
new hospital administrator?
Not even close.
Oh, what did you do,
take an antidepressant?
Oh, don't be silly.
But I was depressed -
incredibly depressed.
I didn't know which way
to turn or where to go,
so I stopped in at the coffee
shop at the Fountain Rock
for a root beer float
to make me feel better.
They make the most
terrific root beer float.
They have that
old-fashioned root beer...
Now look, Rose, get off
the float. Just get to the point.
Well, after I drank it, I
started to get sad again,
and then I saw the
answer right in front of me.
What, what? A
"Help Wanted" sign.
Oh? And, and?
I am a waitress at the
Fountain Rock Coffee Shop!
12 hours a day, four days a
week, minimum wage and tips,
and a 60% employee
discount on day-old Danish!
A coffee shop?
Day-old Danish.
Yeah!
12-hour days in a
steamy hash joint
serving chili to a bunch
of grubby truckers?
Oh, come on, Blanche.
I mean, she's working
at the Fountain Rock.
It's not Mel's Diner.
I mean, the worst
that can happen
is she'll get scratched
by a pinkie ring.
But 12 hours on your
feet, waiting tables?
Honey, that is gritty,
grimy, grueling work!
But it's work! It beats the hell
out of feeling sorry for myself,
and it'll be a lot nicer to fall
asleep from being tired than crying.
Of course it will.
Oh, Rose, honey.
Rose, I am so happy for you.
Well, heck, if you're
happy, then I'm happy, too.
Oh, thank you for
seeing me through this.
Honey, I wanted to ask you
about Milton, from the center?
Yes. That is strictly a
professional relationship?
Oh, absolutely! Oh, there couldn't
be anything between Milton and me.
He has this thing about
only dating fat women.
♪ Traveled down the
road and back again
♪ Your heart is true
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
♪ And if you threw a party
♪ Invited everyone you knew
♪ You would see the
biggest gift would be from me
♪ And the card
attached would say,
♪ "Thank you for
being a friend" ♪
♪ Kentucky babe, sandman am
a-comin' to this little babe of mine
♪ Sleep, Kentucky babe
♪ Silvery moon am shining
in the heaven up above
♪ Bobolink am pining
for his little lady love
♪ You is mighty lucky,
babe of old Kentucky
♪ Close your eyes and sleep
♪ Fly away, fly away...
We're out of pepperoni! I'm
starving, and we're out of pepperoni!
I'm sorry, Sophia honey.
Would you like some celery
stuffed with cottage cheese?
I can't eat cottage
cheese. It repeats on me.
Hello, hello. Hi, Blanche.
How are you, sweet Mother?
We're out of pepperoni.
Did you call Dan Rather?
I'm starving. I
defrosted some chicken.
We'll eat in half an hour.
I can't eat chicken.
It repeats on me.
Look, Ma, you don't
have to make excuses.
If you don't want chicken,
just say, "I don't want chicken.
I don't want chicken.
Good.
It repeats on me.
I want pepperoni.
Blanche, Blanche, would
you like some broiled chicken?
Oh, no, thank you. I'm
having a raw vegetable plate.
You probably haven't noticed
it, but I've put on three pounds.
On each side.
I used to have a waist
just like Scarlett O'Hara.
Well, you know that girl
had an 18-inch waistline.
Blanche, that girl and
her waistline were fiction.
It's terrible, just
terrible. I am so upset!
Rose, Rose. Honey, sit down.
Sweetheart, tell
us all about it.
Ma, would you get
Rose some water?
What is she gonna do with water?
Has water ever made you feel
better when you were upset?
Have you ever heard anyone
say, "Thank God, the water's here!"
Call me when dinner is ready.
I'm fine, don't worry about
me. It's all those other people.
Was there some kind of
accident? No, don't tell me.
If I get upset, I'll eat!
What happened, Rose?
They closed the center.
Not your Grief
Counseling Center?
No, the Kennedy Space Center.
She wanted to be the
first Lutheran on the moon.
Rose, you're out of a job!
Well, I can't worry
about that now.
Well, sure you can, honey.
I'll help you - food,
clothing, shelter.
Oh come on, it's
not that serious.
Yes, it could be. Rose, you
and I are in the same boat.
If we miss a couple
of paychecks,
we are in big trouble.
Thank God I had the
foresight to marry money.
Tramp.
Dorothy, my main
concern is making sure
those miserable people
can find other sources of help.
Then I'll get a job.
I'm dependable,
friendly, loyal, eager.
That's great. If she learns to
catch a Frisbee in her teeth,
she can get work
as a golden retriever.
Oh!
Hello.
Hello.
I'm Dorothy. Milton.
Oh, pleased to meet
you, Milton. Likewise.
I live here.
Oh.
You don't.
I live over on Dorado. Ah.
It's about a 20-minute walk...
but I usually take the bus.
Are you waiting for one now?
No, I'm learning to get in
touch with my emotions.
Tell me, will it take long?
You know, you're reading
my Newsweek. Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, Dorothy, I
see you met Milton.
Oh, yes. We were
just getting acquainted.
Dump him, Rose. He's driftwood.
Oh, no, Dorothy.
Milton's from the center.
His partner ran
off with his wife
and all the money
from the business.
Oh, Milton, I'm sorry.
Keep the Newsweek.
Now, here's the address of
a private counseling service,
and in the meantime, my
number's down there at the bottom.
Now, don't hesitate to
call anytime, day or night.
Day or night?
Thanks again, Rose. Oh,
you're welcome, Milton.
You let me know how it
works out. I certainly will.
And no more
tears. All right. Bye.
He's such a royal
pain in the butt...
but it's all part of my job.
You don't have a job, remember?
I haven't forgotten, Dorothy.
I've just been too
busy to start looking.
You haven't even
started looking?
Don't worry, will
you? I will get a job.
There's always a job for people
who aren't afraid of hard work.
That's what my
father used to say.
He was talking about
milking cows in Minnesota!
Here, phone messages.
Oh, thank you, Sophia.
If you have to go out
tomorrow, ask those crybabies
not to call during The
Young and the Restless.
Mr. Viner's depressed.
Mrs. Gibson's despondent.
Mr. Duvalier's been deported.
Why, oh, why can't
grief take a holiday?
Oh, it does, Rose, it does.
Eventually, it comes to
Miami, like everyone else.
Oh, my God. I don't believe it!
Barry Glick is in town.
Oh, I haven't seen
him since high school.
Barry Glick! Ma, Ma,
look, look, Barry Glick!
Oh boy, did I have
the hots for him!
He says he wants to
get together next week.
You're gonna see him?
See him? If he's within 50
pounds of where he used to be,
I'm gonna marry him!
Oh, Barry Glick.
Oh, and Mrs. Montez found
her cat. I'll bet she's happy, too.
Not exactly. She found it
under a Jeep Wagoneer.
Rose! Rose!
Rose, will you wake
up? You have a call.
Is it time to milk
the cows, Daddy?
No, kitten. You
have a phone call.
What did you say, Dorothy?
You have a phone call.
It's your friend Milton.
No, I can't believe
he's calling at this hour!
Well, you told him
to call day or night.
I didn't mean it.
It's an expression,
like, "laugh and the
world laughs with you."
Well, the whole world
doesn't really laugh.
That's because they're too busy
calling here in the middle of the night.
Good night, Rose!
I hate phone calls in
the middle of the night.
Now I'll never
get back to sleep.
I'm as jumpy as a
virgin at a prison rodeo.
Boy, that's... pretty jumpy.
Well, didn't the
phone scare you?
Well, of course it did.
One of those times I really
miss having a man around.
They're so good at
answering the phone
in the middle of the night.
That's not all they're good at.
And when they're really good,
you don't even hear the phone.
Ma, why are you
sitting here in the dark?
Why not? I've seen
the living room before.
Look, look. I've
got to get some rest.
Tomorrow I am seeing Barry
Glick for the first time in 35 years.
If I don't get at least six hours'
sleep, I look like Buddy Ebsen!
Now that you mention
it... Shut up, Blanche.
Oh, I know it. You're
right. It's just terrible.
If I get up in the
middle of the night, I eat.
Wait a minute, you
know something?
We're being selfish.
I mean, Rose's problem is
more important than my date.
Or my losing two pounds.
Three pounds.
She has to face reality.
I am. I already lost one pound!
In your dreams.
I'm talking about Rose.
She has to find a job.
She's been out of
work for over a week.
I am really sorry about this,
girls. It won't happen again.
Now come on. We
can all go back...
No, no, no, wait.
Rose, sit down.
Move over, move
over. Now, listen.
We have something to talk to you
about. We are worried about you.
Now, maybe it's
none of our business,
but all that time that you spend
with those pathetic
wimps from the center,
you should spend
looking for a job.
But those wimps need me.
But Rose, honey, you
have your own problems.
Look. You are 55, unemployed,
your husband is dead,
and you have no training.
Let's face it, Rose. You're
not exactly Mary Lou Retton.
Honey, we know it's not easy,
but you got to get out there and try.
I have tried.
I just haven't told you.
I've had dozens
of job interviews
since the center closed.
No one wants me. I
can't afford not to work.
I need something
to do with my life.
I never think of myself as
old, but everyone else does.
Maybe I am old... old
and useless... and terrified.
Come in.
Oh, Rose.
Rose, honey, now why didn't
you tell us what was going on?
Because you can't
help me find a job.
Because nobody or nothing
can make me young again.
Oh, all right, Rose, so your life
isn't the same as it used to be.
The rules have changed, but
it's happened before, hasn't it?
I mean, what did you
do after Charley died?
Buried him.
I mean, what did
you do the next day
when you had to start
putting your life together?
I couldn't do it. I'd been
a housewife for 32 years.
I totally depended on Charley.
But the point is, eventually
you did what you had to do.
You took care of yourself.
Sweetheart, you're now in
exactly the same position.
Not exactly.
I'm five years older... and
nobody wants me around.
Oh honey, we want you around.
We just can't afford to pay you.
Rose, Rose, look at me.
Rose, listen. You are
feeling sorry for yourself.
Sure, you're five years
older. So am I, so is Blanche.
All right.
You have a few more wrinkles -
so do I, so has Blanche.
All right, you're a little
thicker around the middle.
So is Blanche!
Listen, we are not
going to stand by
and just let you give up.
We're gonna
figure out what it is
you're doing wrong
on these interviews.
We're gonna fix it,
and we're gonna try and get
you some more appointments.
Appointments are the easy part.
I've got one tomorrow.
I'd kill for this job -
hospital administrator -
but I'll never get it.
I'm not qualified. I'm too old.
What time is your appointment?
- 30.
All right, let me
see your resume.
Come on, come on, come on.
OK, now, let's see. Let's see.
"Home ec major at
Rockport Community College,
"six months at St.
Paul's Business School,
"32 years of marriage,
"laid off from your job
at Grief Counseling.
"Hobbies: cheese-making...
"stamp collecting,
and... Viking history"?
Rose, this stinks.
Well, it's the truth.
Honey, sometimes you
have to stretch the truth.
Of course you
do. Now, let's see.
Graduated top of your class.
Intensive postgraduate study.
32 years with the same employer
until you moved to Miami.
Currently seeking work
in the private sector.
Voilà. This is the resume of a
potential hospital administrator.
Well, I don't know if I can
pull it off, but I'm willing to try.
Oh, good. Now we
can get some sleep.
Oh, I can't fall asleep now.
Still at the rodeo, Blanche?
I can't sleep, either. Why don't
I make us all some warm milk?
After I drink milk,
I go right to sleep.
I can think of something else after
which I go right to sleep. Huh, Dorothy?
During.
Girls, we can't drink
plain milk. Why not?
It's disgusting. If we're gonna
have milk, we need cookies.
Hell, if I'm gonna have cookies,
I'm gonna have cheesecake.
Is there cheesecake?
Chocolate cheesecake.
You bought chocolate
cheesecake? Just for an emergency.
What kind of emergency,
nuclear war? Depression.
Oh, you'll never
guess what I found!
Judge Crater.
Cookies and cream
ice cream - my favorite.
Wait a minute.
We're eating dessert.
We can't start with dessert.
If we're gonna have dessert,
we better have
something to begin with.
Sure. You can have some lemon
chicken and smoked ham. It's all prepared.
Oh, let's just start with
appetizers. That's fine.
How about smoked
oysters? Oh, good.
Oh, you'll never
guess what I found!
Jimmy Hoffa.
Pepperoni!
Uh-oh. Don't tell Mom.
That could be an
appetizer. Well, this is good.
This is all food that would
have spoiled. Oh, boy.
I am so glad that my date
with Barry is tomorrow.
The fat won't have
time to show. It won't?
No. It always takes a
few days before it shows.
Where does it go
in the meantime?
To Connecticut! How
do I know where it goes?
With me, the minute it goes
in my mouth, I balloon up.
I can go out to dinner, and
in the middle of the meal,
my pants are cutting
off my circulation so bad,
my feet are turning blue.
Well, I just want to
be svelte for Barry.
Barry Glick is very
important to you.
Barry was the man that
I wanted to be the first.
First where?
On Mars, Rose! My first lover.
Well, so what happened?
Stanley - that's what happened.
Stanley. I went to a
drive-in with Stanley.
He said he was being shipped
off to Korea and would probably die
and it would mean so much.
That was my part
of the war effort.
It took three seconds.
I wasn't sure that we had
done anything, actually...
until nine months later,
when the baby came.
Then I figured out that we had.
You know, that
was my only proof.
I waited till my wedding night.
No!
Yes! And?
And... it was a surprise.
How is that possible?
Another man showed up?
What I mean is... I had
never seen a man before.
A man?
You know... a man.
No!
Yes!
What about your father? You
mean, you never saw your father?
My father? Oh, no! My father?
Oh, my goodness, no! I
would have simply died!
Oh, you don't... Oh, my
God! Easy, easy, easy, Rose.
Calm down, calm
down. Easy! All right!
The only things I ever saw
were the animals on the farm,
you know, the
bulls and the horses.
Tough act to follow.
Actually, that first night
I was kind of, well...
appalled, I guess.
But Charley was very patient.
It was really very nice,
once I understood that that's
what you were supposed to do...
that it wasn't some
colossal joke, you know?
I mean, didn't you think it was a
ridiculous thing to do the first time?
No!
Well, I certainly didn't wait
for my wedding night, honey.
I couldn't. I had these urges.
You know, in the
South, we mature faster.
I think it's the heat.
I think it's the gin.
Anyhow, my first was Billy.
Oh, I remember it so well,
just like it was yesterday.
That night under
the dogwood trees,
the air thick with perfume,
and me with Billy... or Bobby.
Yeah, Bobby.
Yeah, it was Bobby...
or was it Ben?
Oh, who knows? Anyway,
it started with a "B."
That first time...
did you have...?
Are you serious?
Why, many times that first
time. Many, many times!
You did? You didn't?
No!
Oh, it was nice - being
near Charley was nice,
but it was five years before I knew what
made your eyes go back in your head.
Dorothy, did you have...?
How could I? I mean, it always seemed
to happen before I was in the room.
Look what we've eaten! Oh,
and I can't sleep on a full stomach.
Look at what time it is.
Would you like some coffee?
Sure. How 'bout some
Danish? It's almost breakfast.
Hey, want some eggs? Sure!
Do we have any bacon? Yeah.
Scramble me a couple,
but... Scramble soft!
You're a wonderful
woman, Blanche.
No offense to Rose,
but I'm glad she wasn't
here when I dropped by today.
Why, Milton, what
a sweet thing to say.
That must be why I
date more than she does.
And I meant what I said
about that diet of yours.
Men of our generation like
a little meat on their women.
Maybe you don't want
to pinch an inch, but I do.
Ooh, ooh, Milton!
See you tonight at 7:00.
Tonight at 7:00, then.
Good afternoon.
I thought he belonged
to the other one.
Well, I'm sure Rose
won't mind one bit.
He's a man. It's not
like sharing a yogurt.
- Hello, hello, hello!
- Hi, Dorothy.
Honey, did Barry
call? Not that I know of.
We're supposed to go out
again. Sounds like lunch went well.
Oh, we had such fun.
You know, Barry is
exactly as I remembered.
Come on, now. After 35 years,
there must have
been some surprises.
Well, a few. You know, his hair's a little
thinner, he's put on a little weight.
But is he still your fantasy lover,
or has the fantasy become a reality?
Well, not exactly.
You see, Barry Glick is gay.
I knew he was gay.
I could tell by the way he
used to worship Buster Crabbe.
Oh, honey, are you just
devastated? Oh, hey, what the hell?
I mean, if I can't have him, at least I
know no other woman can have him, either.
Hi, girls! Oh, hi there!
Hey, are we to assume
from your cheerful demeanor
that we are talking to a
new hospital administrator?
Not even close.
Oh, what did you do,
take an antidepressant?
Oh, don't be silly.
But I was depressed -
incredibly depressed.
I didn't know which way
to turn or where to go,
so I stopped in at the coffee
shop at the Fountain Rock
for a root beer float
to make me feel better.
They make the most
terrific root beer float.
They have that
old-fashioned root beer...
Now look, Rose, get off
the float. Just get to the point.
Well, after I drank it, I
started to get sad again,
and then I saw the
answer right in front of me.
What, what? A
"Help Wanted" sign.
Oh? And, and?
I am a waitress at the
Fountain Rock Coffee Shop!
12 hours a day, four days a
week, minimum wage and tips,
and a 60% employee
discount on day-old Danish!
A coffee shop?
Day-old Danish.
Yeah!
12-hour days in a
steamy hash joint
serving chili to a bunch
of grubby truckers?
Oh, come on, Blanche.
I mean, she's working
at the Fountain Rock.
It's not Mel's Diner.
I mean, the worst
that can happen
is she'll get scratched
by a pinkie ring.
But 12 hours on your
feet, waiting tables?
Honey, that is gritty,
grimy, grueling work!
But it's work! It beats the hell
out of feeling sorry for myself,
and it'll be a lot nicer to fall
asleep from being tired than crying.
Of course it will.
Oh, Rose, honey.
Rose, I am so happy for you.
Well, heck, if you're
happy, then I'm happy, too.
Oh, thank you for
seeing me through this.
Honey, I wanted to ask you
about Milton, from the center?
Yes. That is strictly a
professional relationship?
Oh, absolutely! Oh, there couldn't
be anything between Milton and me.
He has this thing about
only dating fat women.