The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 6, Episode 16 - I, Bowl Buster - full transcript

See, now this is called the-
severed-finger-in-a-box trick.

See, you just slide your finger
up in the bottom and then voila.

Cool.

- Good morning, everyone.
- Hey, what's up, C?

Watch and learn.

Hey, Carlton, what's up, man?

You know, I was out

so I picked a little
something up for you.

Will, how sweet.

[screams]

Ha, ha, ha.



Ow!

[laughs]

Let's get Geoffrey.

I don't know, Nick,
I'll give it a try

but I've been trying to get
G
for years

he don't fall for nothing.

Hey, G.

You know, man, I was out
and I was thinking about you

you know, so I picked a little
something up for you.

[knocking on door]

I'm looking for Geoffrey.

- I'm Geoffrey.
- Then you must be my father.

[thuds]

Well, he fell for that.



[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story ♪

♪ All about how my life
got flipped ♪

♪ Turned upside-down
and I'd like to take a minute ♪

♪ Just sit right there I'll tell
you how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving with
your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab ♪

♪ And when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh ♪

♪ And it had dice
in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say ♪

♪ That this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

Alright. Let's have it,
what's your name, boy?

Where are you from?

And where'd you get that
outstanding cashmere jacket?

I know this is quite a shock.

I'm sorry for startling you,
father.

Let's put a pin in this
father thing for the time being.

Well, I'm sure you're a nice
enough lad, but I have no son.

So let's see, the YMCA
is downtown. Open for business.

There's a church next door.

If you sit through a sermon,
you can eat for free.

Bye-bye. Ta-ta. Cheerio.

Wait, I can prove it.

You're allergic to peanuts.

Many are.

Your middle name is Barbara.

Lucky guess.

Barbara?

[LAUGHING]

It's a family name.

Okay. You have a tattoo
of the Queen Mum on your..

Oh, my God.

How can Geoffrey be your dad
if he was never married?

Okay, I'll talk to him.

Well, you see, Nicky, um

sometimes the stork's arms
get real tired, right?

He pretty much leave the baby
wherever he at.

- Will!
- Alright.

Get.. Thank you.

Well, Nicky,
sometimes the stork's map

gets all scrunched up.

Sorry, I should explain.
My name is Frederick
Vickers.

Penelope's your mother?

- So it's true?
- Well, we were married.

Briefly.

But we had no children.

That's right, G.
Stick to your story, man.

At least till the blood test
come out, man.

- Don't tell him nothing.
- Will. Will.

By the time mom knew
she was pregnant

you'd already left for America.

But everything turned out fine.

We live in a small flat
in Kensington.

I enjoy riding, cricket
and books about the sea.

Yo, he got the same
interests
as Miss July.

Well, it was nice meeting
you,
but I should be going.

I need to check into a motel
for the night.

Motel? Nonsense.

I insist you stay here.
My house is your house.

That is, my room and half
a shelf in the refrigerator.

Yeah, at least stay for dinner.

Of course he can stay, Geoffrey.

In the pool house with us.
It'll be fun.

We'll stay up late, play
Clue

and try on each other's jackets.

[laughs]

I think it sounds
like a ripping good time.

Say, do you have
any Tom Jones records?

Do I?

Uh, Hilary,
if I didn't know any better

I'd say you were reading.

I am. This is fascinating.

- What's it about?
- Me.

Frederick's arrival's
made me wanna look

into my own past, you know?

Look at all of this.
It's all me.

I have enough stuff here
to write a book.

Kind of a riches-to-riches
story, huh?

[laughs]
Ugh..

Oh, look at this picture
from my kindergarten class.

Oh, I was darling, wasn't I?

Aw, you sure were.

Who is this poor little
homely
child next to me? Ew!

Uh, sweetheart, that was you.

- What? You always said--
- I know, I know.

But the first time you looked
at these pictures

you cried so hard
that we lied to you.

We said you were the cute
little girl next to you.

But eventually,
your teeth straightened out

and you grew into your nose,
just like we said.

You mean, you lied to me?

You told me
I was pretty when I wasn't?

Well..

Thank you.
You really do love me.

[Hilary giggling]

- Geoffrey, are you alright?
- Never better, sir.

- What is all this stuff?
- Oh, they're for Frederick.

Transformers.
They're on special.

A mitt. A football.
A tool set.

And, just in case,
a book on interior design.

Geoffrey,
I hate to break this to you

but you're about ten years
too late.

And boys Frederick's age
don't play with toys.

Ooh!

Transformers.

I've been looking for Razorbeast
since, like, October.

I must admit, sir,
I'm at a loss.

You've raised four children.
Well, five if you include..

[Will shrieks]

Bow before Razorbeast
or I will crush you.

[shrieking]

I just don't know
what to do first.

Geoffrey, I have known you
for years.

You will be a great father.

But, sir, I don't know
anything about him.

I don't know
what his interests are.

I don't even know whether
he would prefer

a loose or a firm pleat.

Geoffrey, you will have
plenty of time

to find everything out.

Had I known I was a father,
I would've known all this.

- I would have been there.
- I know you would have.

I'm so nervous.

I just don't want
to let him down.

Geoffrey, you will do fine.

Just be yourself.

Does that mean I don't have
to play catch with him?

- That's right.
- Oh, good.

Then he doesn't have to know
his dad throws like a girl.

[Philip laughs]

Geoffrey, since Frederick
is a guest of honor tonight

I insist that you
join us for dinner.

- Oh, very kind of you, sir.
- Yeah, yeah.

Sit on down. Sit on down.

(Geoffrey)
Okay.

[Will clears throat]

[Ashley sighs]

(Geoffrey)
Perhaps I should join you
after dinner.

(all)
Great.

- That way we can eat.
- That would be better.

- 'There you go.'
- 'Ha, ha, ha.'

Have you noticed
how father holds that dish

perfectly balanced
in his right hand

with his fingers
just barely steadying it?

Superb, father.

England must be really
boring.

I think it's so great you're
not, like, totally embarrassed

that your father has to do all
this stuff in people's lives

that's too disgusting for them
to do themselves.

No offense, Geoffrey.

None taken, Miss Hilary.
I always consider the source.

How sweet. Heh.

You know, father,
being in service

is something
I've always dreamed of.

- May I?
- Certainly, son.

"Son." I do like
the sound of that.

I know I can't match
your expertise.

I owe it all to my training

at the Cambridge Academy
of Butlering.

Ah, to be a CAB grad

and wear the school colors,
black and white.

Perhaps one day,
we can work together.

No. CAB is very expensive.

No, it's a dream
that shall never be.

I wanna be a butler too.

No, you don't.

Thanks for taking me with you.

You had gorgeous women

literally climbing
all over you today.

You're even better than
Will.
How'd you do it?

Well, I'm sure the ladies were
merely charmed by my accent.

Man, you gotta teach me
how to talk that English stuff.

No problem, Jazz.

I hope I didn't cramp
your style today, Will.

[scoffs]
Who me?

Man, I got plenty of honeys
to choose from. Shoot.

You know, in England we call
pool "snooker."

Snooker. Ha, ha, ha.

Man, the way this guy talk
cracks me up.

What y'all people call this?

A clock.

"A clock."

I gotta remember that.

Hey, yo, pizza.
Sixteen bucks without tip.

Alright.

Ah, man, I don't have no money.

Ditto.

Unfortunately,
I'm down to my last penny.

Alright, look, excuse me
one second, bro.

I gotta go check
my super secret stash.

Alright, come on, y'all.
Assume the position.

Oh, come on, Will.

You know the routine.

You ain't special.
Fall in line, Brit boy.

Oh, sorry.

Uh, ah.
Gotta go find my money.

[clattering]

Alright, y'all can look now.

[grunts]
There you go,
16 bucks without tip. Peace.

[sniffing]
Mm-mm-mm.

Two jumbos with
extra jalapenos and pineapples.

Come on, y'all.
We got to rock this by the pool.

Cool. I mean, that sounds
like ripping fun. Ha, ha,
ha.

I shall join you fellows
out there shortly.

I have to avail myself
of the bathroom.

"The bathroom."

Damn, I gotta learn
how to speak that language.

We'll be out by the pool, man.

Yo, Freddy Boom-Boom, man,
we about..

Oh, hello, I was just looking
for your bathroom.

- What you got there, man?
- Pardon me?

Give me my money, man.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Hey, you took my money out

from under that plant.
Give it here.

I have no idea
what you're referring to.

Let me see if we can jog
your memory up in here.

Fine. What were you going to do?
Beat me up?

Oh, no.
I'm about to beat you down.

Let's go, boy.
Come on. Come on.

Ah! Ugh!

[grunting]

[screaming]

Boy, let me tell you. You are so
lucky that you Geoffrey's son.

Ah. I'm glad it finally comes in
handy for something.

Hey, look, don't be talking
about your pop like that.

Oh, my father of two days?
Your servant?

Oh, I thought you wanted to be
just like him.

Oh, please. Me be a butler,
serving the likes of you?

Now you made it personal.

Go ahead, hit me.

No. That's too easy.

I'm gonna tell your father
what kind of son he has.

Go ahead, break his heart.

Hey, y'all seen Frederick?

Yeah. He's in the kitchen
with Geoffrey.

Hil, I need to talk to you
for a second.

Now, look, what if
you knew something

that you really needed
to tell somebody

but you knew if you told
them
it would hurt them?

You know, maybe even break
their heart.

Oh, no. I haven't grown
into my nose.

[Hilary sobbing]

Teaspoon. Soupspoon.

Salad fork. Dinner fork.

Frederick, my man. Pip-pip.

You look like an ass.

I'll have you know

this is a bona fide
British bowler and bumbershoot.

I don't know which is which, but
I paid good money for the set.

I cannot believe you
sweating
this fool.

I saw him stealing money out
from under my secret plant.

Will, just for my edification,
what plant would that be now?

Carlton, did you hear
what I said?

You just can't get over the fact

that there's
a couple new guns in town.

I say, old bloke,
what do you say

we squire ourselves
down to the local pub

and chat up some birds?

What?

Wanna get a drink after dinner?

By Jove, that was
a jolly good meal.

- You see this fork?
- Yeah.

If you don't stop talking
like that

it's gonna be in your leg.

[glass clinking]

Frederick, finding out
that you are my son

has been one of
the greatest joys of my
life.

And knowing that you wish
to follow in my footsteps

has made me a very happy man.

So if you wish
to go to the Academy--

Oh, father, more than anything.

Perhaps this check
for your tuition

will show you how I feel.

- Oh.
- Oh! Whoa!

You're going to make
a blooming good butler.

Ow!

Pip-pip. Cheerio.

[giggles]

Carlton, where is he?
Where is he?

Oh, who scraped
the icing off your cupcake?

Carlton, I've been going over
this in my mind, man.

G has got to know about his son.
Where is that little thief?

Oh, Will, will you stop
with these crazy allegations?

Carlton, first he tried
to rob me.

Now he's trying to stick it
to G. Where is he?

Will, the money
is for his education.

He don't wanna go to
no butler school.

Carlton, I'm not asking again,
where is he?

Will, cool your jets,
mister.
You're all over the map.

Carlton, where is he?
Where is he?

I think he went
to go get his suitcase repaired.

What are you talking about?

Well, he's gone
and so is his suitcase.

And that's the only
logical explanation.

[Will sighs]

Carlton, man, he left.
Come on, we gotta stop him.

Fine, but you're only gonna be
making a fool of yourself.

Frederick is
totally trustworthy.

Hey, my bowler's gone.

That limey thief.

[grunts]

Carlton, his flight leaves
in about five minutes.

Right behind you.

[scanner beeping]

Hold on there, sport.

Carlton, I gotta go
to the gate, man.

Go back through.

[scanner beeping]

[scanner beeping]

Empty your pockets.

I don't have anything
in my pockets.

I think you're gonna have
to come with me.

Hey!

(woman on PA)
'Last call for boarding Air
Britain Flight 1420 to London.'

What's up, man?
What, no goodbye?

No, "Let's keep in touch?"
You know?

I thought you were
such a gentleman.

Give me that check right now.

It's not yours.

This has nothing to do
with you, Will.

This is between
me and my father.

What, we-we-were you just
sitting around one day

sipping tea and crumpets
and just decided

"Hey, I'm gonna fly
halfway around the Earth

to go steal from the father
that I don't even know?"

I don't call it stealing.

I call it
getting what's owed to me.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
my plane is boarding.

You know what's a real pity?

You don't even know
the kind of man

that you're walking away
from.

You keep that money,
'cause you're losing
something

way more valuable.

- Is that right?
- Yeah, that is right.

Geoffrey's the kind of guy
that when you down..

[stammering]

Yeah, he'll pretty much
kick you.

No, no, I'm saying though

it's like you come home late,
you know, to the crib

you don't want your parents
to know, Geoffrey..

...will dime you out.

This is the man
you're defending.

Yes. 'Cause He's also the man

whose eyes welled up
with pride

when you walked
through that door.

He's also the man
that can't stop bragging

about you
to all his butler friends.

The man that didn't hesitate
to empty out his life savings

for his so-called son.

But you know what? You go ahead.
You got a flight to catch.

[scanner beeping]

I guess this thing must
be broken. You can go.

Oh, don't stop now.

- What's up, G?
- Oh, Master William.

I'm glad you're here.

What kind of bike do you
think
Frederick would like?

Mountain or racing?

We-we gotta talk, G.

You think I'm spoiling him,
don't you?

I think that ship has sailed.

Look, G, what I'm about to say
is gonna hurt you.

It's gonna hurt you bad, man

but I'm gonna just cut
to the chase.

Because I'm about
to practically annihilate you.

Alright? But I'm-I'm gonna
get right to it.

Alright? Because this is
gonna sting real, real bad.

I ain't doing
no pussy-footing around--

Master William..

...hurt me already.

Alright, G, Frederick is not
what he appears to be.

He stole from me.
He stole from you.

Right now he's on a plane
back to England

with no intention of going
to butler school.

And you're never gonna
see him again.

Hello, Frederick.

Three out of four ain't bad.

What's going on?

I came here to give you this.

I don't understand.

Will, I thought you said
we was going out tonight?

Here I come, y'all.

Well, Frederick?

I came here..

...to scam money
from the father I never knew.

But somewhere along the way
I realized I can't do this.

I suppose I'm not the son
you thought I was.

I had no expectations.

Until yesterday,
I didn't even know I had a son.

But you knew you had a
father
whom you'd never met.

Frederick..

...what you did was not
out of malice towards me

it was out of confusion
and anger.

So you forgive me?

That is what fathers do.

[theme music]