The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 6, Episode 15 - Breaking Up Is Hard to Do: Part 2 - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Mirror, mirror, on the wall

I ain't too short,
I ain't too tall.

Damn, if I don't have it all!

Come..

Where are you going?

I finally got a date
with Laurie Williams

and I am on my way.

How do I look, huh? Ah. Boom!

Uh, fine.

"Uh, fine?"



Well, I-I don't know.
I think it's that suit.

It's, it's kinda..

K-kinda what?

It just has way
too many buttons

and the collar
is very '95.

Girl, you must be crazy.
I look great.

I'm the man
when it comes to fashion.

I know when I look good.
Shoot, girl..

(Carlton)
'Hey, guys.'

I-I'mma go ahead and change.

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪



♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxing all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabby ♪

♪ Yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

Come on, everybody,
your dad's on TV.

The jury's about to
announce the verdict.

Do you think she's
innocent or guilty?

Oh, please, that woman
turned more tricks

than David Copperfield.

She'll probably get off
with community service.

Seemed to me community service

what got her in this mess
in the first place.

You know what I mean?

Serving the community!

Y'all know what
I'm talking about.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Yes, we have, your honor.

And what is your verdict?

We find the defendant,
Tanya Bain

guilty of all 23 counts
of pandering.

Order!

Mmm-mmm-mmm.

Boy, there are gonna be
a lot of lonely guys

this Friday night.

Miss Bain will be held at the
women's correctional facility

until tomorrow,
when she will be returned here

at 9:30 in the morning
for sentencing.

Court is adjourned.

Dad's liable to give her life.

I got grounded for a whole month

just because I came home late.

Well, you deserved it.

Getting everybody's
hopes up like that

and then showing up again.

This fax just came in.

Oh, my God!

What, what does it say?

It says, "I'm gonna
kill you, Banks."

Yo, hey, it's a death threat
against Uncle Phil!

- What?
- Dad?

Oh, thank God.
I thought it was for me.

[instrumental music]

Well, the fax came right after
the verdict was announced.

And they haven't stopped since.

Oh, half of 'em wanna hang me

half of 'em wanna hug me.

Oh, there's a dude here
from Appalachia

say he thinks
your mouth is kind of purty.

Guess I'll put this
in the hug pile.

Well, whenever there's
a high-profile case like this

every wacko comes out
of the woodwork.

I say we treat this
as a code-one priority.

We need to seal the perimeter.

I want four cars
on 24-hour surveillance

sharpshooters on the roof
and a K-9 team.

And remember,
we're working with a nut here.

And who are you?

Here's the nut
we're working with.

Carlton Banks,
I'll be your point man

on this little operation.

Well, I tell you what.

You let us do our job

and we'll let you do
whatever it is you do.

And we'll, uh, send
an extra car by, Mr. Banks, sir

just to make sure
everything's safe.

- Thank you, officer.
- Come on, guys.

That's it?

They're done?

They're leaving?

Well, I for one am not gonna
to stand around here

and do nothing while your life
hangs in the balance!

Son, my life is not
hanging in the balance.

Hey, now, now, wait a minute,
Uncle Phil.

I don't usually say this
but I gotta say

I agree with
the little squidgett.

Come on,
you can't go down to that

courthouse by yourself, man.

Y-you need a bodyguard.

Hey, I'm your man.

Hm, I'll be fine, Will.

Uh-huh. That's just what
Bobo Anderson said.

Who?

Bobo Anderson

one of the boys
from back in Philly.

Oh, see, Bobo started getting

all these threatening letters,
right?

Everybody was like,
"Hey, Bobo, man

"you need
to watch your back, man.

You know brothers be trippin'."

He was like "No, man, I'm cool.

I.." Bam!

One day, he just upped
and disappeared.

He was killed?

Oh, no.
His family moved out of town.

I ain't seen him
since third grade.

Will, what has
all this got to do

with your being
my bodyguard?

Oh, well, you know,
I figured if you let me

slide down to that courtroom
with you, you know

I might get to console

some of them show biz
madam girls.

You know, won't be just
your body I'm guardin'.

You know what I'm sayin'?

I'm there. You know what I'm
talking about, dawg, right?

You know..
You know...

You know I'm there,
right, boy?

You know, you know
what I'm sayin', boy.

You know what I'm sayin'.

Damn, I miss Bobo.

[instrumental music]

Oh, Carlton, I still think
it was a little early

to give up
on the dating service.

Will, meet safety guy.

Oh, safety guy, what's up, bro?

You know, what's going on, boy?

Salaam alaikem,brother.
Salaam alaikem.

Look, this happens
to be the latest

in home and personal security.

"Designed as a visual deterrent

safety guy
is a life-size simulated male."

And you're a pint-sized
simulated male.

Very funny.

He's gonna protect the big guy

when we're not around.

You mean to tell me
this thing can protect somebody?

Oh, absolutely.

Hmm.

Oh, he must be on a break, huh?

Will, this is no time
for tomfoolery.

Now, take your walkie-talkie

and infrared goggles.

Damn!

Oh, my God!

Yo, I can see right through
your clothes with these things.

No wonder you're so shy.

Now, Ashley's out
in the decoy vehicle

and this will be
command central.

This baby right here will
monitor all of our activities.

Your assignment is to be on this
24 hours a day.

Now have you read the manual?

Committed
the frequency to memory?

Now what do you do
if we get caught?

Laugh.

Ooh, I see we have company.

Who's your friend?

Hilary, he's a dummy.

Who needs brains
when you got a body like that?

Hey, Uncle Phil

we are here to protect you.

I don't need your
protection.

Uh, negatory, big guy.

Until we get you
to the courthouse

we'll be watching
your every move

and protecting you
at all costs.

Trust me, we are
a well-oiled machine.

[grunts]

Looks like your
well-oiled machine

just ran out of gas.

[grunting]

Biggest day
of my professional career

and now I'm gonna be late.

Dad, you should've
stayed in the car.

We could've protected you.

The only person
who's gonna need protection now

is you if you don't back off!

He's just a little tense
about the trial.

Ah, just let him bang down
a couple ding dongs.

He'll be alright.

Will, get a load
of the clown in the corner.

We better check him out.

Carlton, come on, he's a clown.

He's probably
going to some kid's

birthday party or something.

We'll see about that.

Okay, pal,
state your business.

Who are you?

Never mind who I am.

And wipe that smile
off your face

and tell me your name.

Juggles.

Well, look, Juggles

get what you're after
and get outta here.

Who are you?

Carlton Banks, and that's
my father Judge Banks.

I'm the head of his
security team and my job

is to check out suspicious
people like you.

So, come on, let's go,
move it along.

Judge Banks from
the show biz madam trial?

Pretty impressed, huh?

More than you can imagine.

Alright! Nobody moves
and nobody gets blown up.

Aah!

[instrumental music]

[screaming]

- Excuse--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Mr. Juggles?
- Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

It's not Mr. Juggles. It's..

...Juggles.

Hey, Will. I got a plan.

You create a diversion

while dad and I
slip out the back.

Hey, yo, man.
Where does that leave me?

You are so selfish.

What do you hope to accomplish

by strapping a bomb
to your chest

and blowing up
a gas station?

[chuckles]

I'm on my way down
to one of the networks.

And I'm gonna make them
put me on TV

and then the whole world
is gonna

see my talent to entertain.

Um, wouldn't it be easier

to just get an agent?

I had an agent

and then he had my wife.

That's a joke!

[laughing]

You know, there's gotta
be a better way.

Yeah, well, I tried
all the other ways!

But it's always "Bozo this"
or "Koko that."

Never any jobs for "Juggles."

And I'll tell you another thing

I could've sold
twice as many hamburgers

as that Ronald guy,
that no-act clown.

No, no.

Nobody wants to give Juggles
a chance.

Mm-mmm, oh, one little tent fire

one little elephant stampede

a couple of kids
end up in the hospital

and all of a sudden,
Juggles is poison!

As if they even saw me
smoking that cigar!

It's harassment, I tell ya!

Well, you're probably in a hurry

to get down to that network

so don't let us stop you.

Grab your little seltzer bottle

hop in your little
miniature car.

Hey, if you go right now,
you can probably beat rush hour.

No, no, no, no!
Oh, no.

Now that I got myself
a big celebrity judge hostage

'I'm gonna make the network
people come down here.'

[laughing]

I'll be a bigger celebrity

than I even thought.

Now, I've heard enough.
This plan's never gonna work.

Listen, clown,
there are not gonna be

any news stations down here.

Every news station in the world

is gonna be
down at the courthouse

waiting for my dad.

It's gonna be like
a media circus down there.

If you think any news camera
people are coming here--

- Carlton!
- No, no, no!

He should hear this!

I mean, even the tabloids are
gonna be down at the courthouse.

You know, he's right.

This won't work.

[scoffs]

Yeah.

You guys are going down
to the courthouse.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- But I'm coming with you!
- Aah!

Juggles, ow!

[handcuffs clicking]

What are we,
"Driving Miss Daisy?"

Come on! Speed up a little!

I have a date with destiny.

I'm trying to obey the law

unlike someone else
in this car.

Pedal to the metal,
tattoo.

And if I don't, I suppose
you'll throw me out the
window

just like you did
safety guy.

Oh, the sight of that
perfectly chiseled foam body

being mutilated
by that 18-wheeler..

You bastard!

Alright. Look, you know what?
I have had about enough of this.

Look, why don't, why don't
you just give it up, man?

You're going to jail anyway!

Look, hey. Hey, hey, hey.

But who am I to be dissing jail,
you know?

I hear there's a lot of
fascinating criminals in there.

Hey, look, Juggs..

Oh, can I call you Juggs?

Look, we are going about
this
all the wrong way, man.

Dude, let me tell you, it is
gonna to be plenty of honeys

down at that courthouse.

And you know how the ladies
feel about clowns, huh?

Huh? Ah ha!

Oh, you look like you mighta had

a little freaky rendezvous

with the big lady
or something down there, huh?

If we go up in there
holding hands

man, we're gonna be sending
the wrong message.

So why don't you
pop these cuffs off

and throw that stupid bomb out
the window.

Let's go down to jail
and get that little party on.

You know what I'm sayin'?

You know, you got a little bit
of the clown in you.

You might even
have your own act.

Ha ha.

But I work alone!

Okay. This is it.

How do I look?

Oh, God. Key! Key!
Where is it?

Oh, here it is. Oh, my God.

Look. My hands are shaking.

I'm never gonna
be able to do this.

No, no, no.
Hey, no, no. Relax, man.

Listen, you can do it.

Will, if he doesn't think
he can do it

let's not make him.

Oh, he dragged us all the
way
down here. He's doing it.

(male #1)
'Court is in session.
The honorable..'

Stop, stop! Stop, stop, stop.

Sit, sit, sit down.

'Come on.'

Somebody dim the lights.

It's my damn courtroom.
Dim the lights!

[imitating trumpet]

Ladies and gentlemen

children of all ages

presenting the hardest-working
clown in show business

I give you Juggles!

[laughing]

Where's the music?

[imitating calliope]

[honks horn]

Thank you, Judge Banks.

Ow! Give me that!

Your Honor,
what is going on in here?

This is ridiculous.

That's the general idea.

[indistinct chatter]

Clean him up!

I'm sorry, bro.

(woman on TV)
'It's not exactly clear what's
happening in the courtroom'

but it appears Judge Banks
has lost control.

This is better than
"Benny Hill."

This wouldn't be the first time
that a judge has succumbed

to the stress
of a high-profile trial.

We all remember when
Judge Lance Peterson cracked

and rendered a verdict
with the aid

of a sock puppet named Randy.

Ah, ah, ah..

Ooh! Gee, Juggles,
I could really use a hanky.

Well, my able assistant

let me see what I have here.

Ho! Hey, you never know
when it's gonna end.

Uh, that's the end.

Move-move on to the next trick.

Oh! And now for
the magic pan trick.

Remove the lid.

Um..

...we should probably
move on to the next trick.

[chuckles]

I said "Remove the lid!"

[gasping]

Ernie!

[crowd gasps]

- Boo!
- Boo!

They're not laughing!

They're all against me!

Hey, hey. Hey, no,
wait a minute, Juggles, Juggles.

Now, listen, these people
are not all against you.

Come here, come here.

Listen, let me
say something to you

as a friend.

You suck.

Alright?

The reason you can't get
work

it's not because
people don't like you, man.

You know, i-it's not
because people

don't wanna give you a
chance.

It's because you suck.

You know?

You're not funny.

You suck.

Will, are you crazy?

Juggles, he doesn't
know what he's saying.

You're very funny!

[laughing]

Dude, this crowd
is just dead!

Carlton, Ernie is dead.

[sobs]

Alright!
So you didn't like that one?

Well, maybe you'll like
the grand finale.

- Juggles, Juggles, wait!
- He's got a bomb!

[laughing]

[bell rings]

Ta-da!

Ta-da?

Wait.

You mean
that's your big finale?

Will was right.
Youdosuck.

Bailiff, get him out of here.
Get him out of here!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a minute!
I do this thing with goats!

[instrumental music]

(woman on TV)
'Sentencing for Tanya Bain,
the show-biz madam'

was postponed until tomorrow

after a dangerously insane man
in a clown costume

held the entire proceedings
hostage.

Oh, please!
That ain't even right.

I mean, he ain't insane.

You know, he's just a clown
that likes to make people laugh

and I don't know, take some
pictures or something.

Will, that's evidence.

Oh, come on, well, who says

it can't be fun
to play with evidence?

Hey, come on, Uncle Phil,
couple pictures. Smile!

This is evidence! We shouldn't
be playing with this stuff!

Look, everyone!
Look who I found.

Hey, it's the dummy.

Oh, yeah,
and he found safety guy.

Can you believe
no one stole him?

Now, listen, everyone,
we were lucky this time

but if we've learned anything
from this recent crisis

it's that
in the face of danger--

We scream like a girl?

No. It's that
preparation is everything.

Mom, you're the upstairs
lookout.

Ashley, man the decoy vehicle.

Will, secure the perimeter.

Hilary, upstairs on the roof.

Geoffrey, in the kitchen.

Discipline, people,
discipline!

Well, buddy, looks like
the security of the Banks family

rests on our shoulders.

Aah!

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[instrumental music]