The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 2, Episode 6 - Guess Who's Coming to Marry? - full transcript
Much to their surprise, the family learns that Vivian's sister is engaged to a white man.
[instrumental music]
Hi, mom.
So what's my little man
working so hard at?
Ugh! This math.
But, hey, this can wait.
You're only gonna be out
here
a few days.
No, no. Don't worry about it.
I'll entertain myself. Go ahead.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, baby.
[pencil sharpener whirring]
[sniffles]
- Blow.
- Mom, what're you..
I said blow.
[blows nose]
Good boy.
- Come on, mom.
- Sorry.
You-you know what, mom?
I can do this later.
Hey, why don't we go somewhere,
have some fun?
Fun? William, you gotta learn
how to concentrate.
Now your schoolwork comes
before anything else.
Alright.
Will.
[camera shutter clicks]
Now keep studying.
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story
all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped
turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how
I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started making trouble
in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪
♪ She said you're movin'
with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I could say that
this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to the house
about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪
♪ Yo homes smell ya later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
Put the champagne over there,
then go out
and help set up the tables.
And if you value your tips
stop looking at my behind.
Oh, I can't believe my baby
sister's getting married.
I can. I just paid the florist.
Philip, all you ever
think about is money.
No. That's not true, Vivian.
Sometimes I think about
other things.
[Vivian giggles]
Would you two knock it off?
You're married.
It's time you start
acting like it.
Viola,
this is why I got married.
[laughs]
Mother, please. It's the
'90s.
I mean, a woman doesn't
have to be married to..
Like, I read about it, okay?
- Where do you want these?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Lady, don't you know
any other words?
No.
I'm sorry.
Pea-green patio chairs?
I don't think so.
This is not
a Ninja Turtle wedding.
Agh! Do I have to do
everything myself?
Miss Hilary, the day you do
everything for yourself
will be the day I square dance
naked on the White House lawn.
Do we have a safety deposit box?
I wanna hide my things
before Aunt Helen
and Uncle Lester get here
with Bobby.
Oh, Ashley, your cousin Bobby
is not that bad.
Mom, last time he came here
he pulled off Barbie's arm
and burnt down her Dream House.
[car door closes]
(Helen)
'Now, now, Bobby,
don't attack the squirrel.'
I'm out of here.
- Hey. Hi, everybody.
- Hey!
[clamoring]
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Ah! Baby!
- Here you are, sweet boy.
Oh, my, my, my!
Is this the Banks' house
or Buckingham Palace?
Hey, big sister Vi.
You got a boyfriend yet?
Now ain't no point
in saving nothing these days.
You hear what I'm saying?
The whole neighborhood
hears what you saying.
Well, Helen, I see you still
haven't come out of your shell.
- Vivian, girl, you look good.
- Mm.
And you've lost weight
in all the right places.
[both laugh]
Philip, you look good.
And you look good.
Where's Carlton?
Bobby,
covering a person's eyes
when they're driving is
not a very wise thing to do.
And don't ever call me
a weenie-face in public again.
Well, we're in private now,
weenie-face.
Ah, Carlton,
take the luggage upstairs.
Now, you three will sleep
in Carlton's room
and Carlton will sleep
in Will's room.
I want to sleep with Carlton.
I always dreamt
when I heard those words
it would be Paula Abdul
saying them.
Oh! Lester, how about
a little NFL action, huh?
Man, I take all the action
I can get.
Yo, yo, yo,
look who I found at the airport.
- Divas!
- Baby girl!
How are you doing?
[clamoring]
Wait a minute.
Now where is the groom?
Frank is coming in the morning.
He had to take care
of some business.
Yes. Speaking of taking care
of business, does he?
Forever is a long time, sister.
- Not in front of Will, please.
- Viola, wake up.
Will is 17 years old.
He's probably taking care
of a little business
himself.
- 'Hm-hmm.'
- 'Aren't you, Will?'
[Janice laughs]
Absolutely not!
Vivian, Frank and I appreciate
you giving us this wedding
on such short notice.
Oh! I want you to be
my matron of honor.
Oh. Of course I will.
And, uh, guess who's gonna be
the best man, naturally.
- Will?
- Y'all don't know?
Hey, I did teach her
how to burp on command.
And I did teach you
how to dance.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
- Look out.
- Hold on, Aunt Janice.
Hold up.
That was, like, ten years
ago.
I'm, like,
light-years ahead of you
now.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot, Aunt Janice.
Ah! I am so happy.
Ah-ha!
Oh! Look at the size
of this rock.
- Oh, Gibraltar is a mole hill.
- Right.
Later on this afternoon,
you ladies can go skating on it.
[all laugh]
Well, isn't this something?
The Smith Sisters
are together again.
- Yes, we are.
- The good, the bad, and the--
Don't even try it.
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
You need a pedicure.
Yeah, I would crack on your feet
but they don't reach
all the way up here.
Will..
Do you want to get married?
Alright, that's it.
Get out of my bed!
Not to me, you pervert.
I'm sorry, man. This is L.A.
Well, I'm definitely
getting married
and I want my wife
to be a virgin.
Well, you better hurry up, man.
Mother Teresa
ain't getting no younger.
My wife, the limber
but unspoiled Bridgetta.
She'll be an excellent homemaker
and have the breasts
the size of Australia.
I don't know, man.
I just can't imagine
waking up to the same woman
every day
for the rest of my life
n-no matter how big
Australia is.
Come on, Will, you really
don't want to get married?
I don't know, man.
Maybe one day.
'You know,
when I'm old and gray.'
You know, around 29,
30 years old.
Heck, by then young Carlton will
be interviewing for preschool
and Carltonette will be
a little croissant in the oven.
Well, that's good.
Then they'll be able to baby-sit
little Will, Wilma, Williamina,
Wilton, and Baby Willy.
Goodnight, Will.
- Carlton?
- Yeah?
Is that your feet,
or did you break wind?
Sorry, Will.
[instrumental music]
Janice,
I'm starting to get worried.
Shouldn't Frank be here by now?
Vivian, I know my sweetheart.
He'll be here because
there's absolutely nothing else
he would rather be doing today.
Carlton, come on, man.
It is not that serious.
I'm head usher
and there's no one to seat.
I'll be all dressed up
with absolutely nothing to
do.
Just think of it
as one of your dates.
Alright, Bobby. Sit and
stay.
Carlton, it's your shift.
I'm going to get my tubes tied.
Cousin Carlton, tomorrow,
can you take me to
Disneyland?
Forget it.
I will not be an accomplice
to the murder of Mickey Mouse.
You know, Bobby, I love it
when you come to visit, man.
They appreciate me so much more
when you leave.
[doorbell rings]
It's him.
I gotta go fix my makeup.
Mr. Frank Schaeffer.
Yes. Yes.
Welcome to our family. I'm Vi.
I raised Janice, and looking at
you, I know I raised her right.
Those are the other two sisters.
Oh, yes. Yes.
Cute, cute, cute, and cute.
A dangerous combination. Ha-ha.
Why don't you come in,
make yourself comfortable?
Your little woman will be down
any minute.
Great.
(Helen)
'Mm-mm-mm.'
- Thanks a lot, buddy.
- Thanks.
Baby.
Hey, my brother, you gonna
let her tip him like that?
Man, what does she do
when y'all eat out?
Everybody, this is Frank.
Frank, this is everybody.
[sighs]
Come on, honey.
I'll show you to your room.
[clears throat]
Excuse me, but what happened
to the little lady
y'all promised me?
Here's $5. Go find your own.
Gee, when Janice described him
she didn't mention that he was..
...tall.
Not that I have any problem
with people who-who are t-tall.
My cousin used to date a girl
who was t-tall.
Heck, the boys go to
a predominantly...tall school.
Am I alone in this, or didn't
y'all notice he was white?
What the hell is wrong
with Janice?
Uh, I'm sorry, did I say white?
I meant tall.
He didn't seem that tall to me.
I do not want my sister
marrying that man.
But Aunt J seems so happy.
Doesn't she?
I mean, a-a-and that's what
we want for her.
Isn't it?
Happy, happy, happy?
Vi, this is her decision.
Let Janice do
what she wants to do.
Well, she can do it without us.
Come on, Will.
Hey, wait. Mom, mom. Hold up.
Wait, I'm the best man.
Not anymore, you're not.
I said, come on.
She breastfed me.
[instrumental music]
[both shriek]
- Oh! Vivian!
- You're in the dark.
What're you doing down here
in the dark?
Well, I couldn't find the lights
in this bowling alley
you call a kitchen.
Well, I couldn't sleep, either.
Oh, I hope this wedding
doesn't turn into a disaster.
Now, look.
I don't care if Frank is black,
white, or candy-apple red.
I've been on Slim-Fast
for the last two weeks
to fit into my dress.
Now somebody's gonna marry
somebody up in here.
Oh, the hell with it.
Start slicing up that ham.
Girl, this family has sure
had its share of surprises.
Do you remember the last reunion
when Uncle Rubin
came out of the closet?
How could I forget?
He came out wearing
my purple-leather suit.
I guess you guys couldn't sleep,
either, huh?
- Oh!
- Oh!
Janice, what are you doing up?
Tomorrow's your big day.
Yeah, right. Looks like I caused
a big mess, as usual.
Oh, don't be so hard
on yourself.
You don't always cause
a big mess.
Yes, she does.
She's the one that told Uncle
Rubin he looked good in purple.
Janice, why didn't you tell
anybody about Frank?
I guess I was hoping
no one would notice.
Honey, who'd you think
you were bringing him home to?
Stevie Wonder?
Well, I was afraid
you wouldn't approve.
Janice, you do not need
our approval.
Are you sure
this is what you want to do?
Vivian,
there's not a doubt in my mind.
Then I guess I better pick up
some Barry Manilow
for the reception.
Look..
I think there are a lot of fine
young brothers out there
just as good as Frank.
But you can't control
who you fall in love with.
If he's still here
in the morning
honey, I say marry him.
Okay?
[all laugh]
What's going on in here?
- Oh-oh.
- Mm.
Oh, we just thought
we'd have a little snack
before we went upstairs.
What's upstairs?
The electric chair?
Oh, come on, Vi. Come on.
Sit down with us
and have a snack.
No, that's alright. I know
you really don't want me to.
Of course we do. Don't we?
- Mm-hm. Come on, sit down, Vi.
- Mm-hm.
So, here we are together again.
The Smith Sisters.
Loud, live, and in color.
More like quiet, evil,
and colored.
Damn it. Janice, you should have
told me he was white.
Oh, oh. Clear the table.
I think she's gonna blow.
Vi, I am sick to death
of your attitude.
Now if you don't want
to be here, just leave.
I mean, if you don't want me
to marry Frank, so who
cares?
Baby, don't you have
enough problems
being an African-American woman?
You need a white husband
to further complicate things?
What about Frank?
This isn't gonna make
his life any easier.
Have you thought about that?
You thought about your children?
Or the jobs or friends
you may lose
because some bigot fails to see
the beauty in your marriage?
Honey, I did not make the rules
but I do know
how to play the game.
For survival, Janice,
please don't marry this man.
Vi, Frank and I are aware
of everything you just said
and we can handle it, sis.
[sighs]
You are making a terrible,
terrible mistake.
Well, I guess she'll be on
the first broom back to Philly.
[instrumental music]
Hey, yo, Frank,
what you doing, man?
Ah, just trying
to get some color.
It's going great, man.
For a second there,
I thought you was Wesley Snipes.
Look, son, this is a big
step
you're about to take.
Now, first,
you're not into any gambling
or fancy women, are you?
No, I'm a pretty straight guy.
Alright, that was gonna be
my next question.
Look, man,
Janice is like my big sister
and I just want to make sure
she's in good hands.
Don't worry, Will.
I really love her
and I'm gonna do my best
to make her happy.
And when you come visit,
you can borrow my Porsche.
- Got my blessing, man.
- Yeah.
Hey, you wanna grab
something to eat?
Super.
So you need any tips on sex?
- No, not really.
- Got any for me?
Look, mom
we have a difference
of opinion, okay?
But I've made a decision,
and I'm not afraid to say
it.
Now, I'm going to the..
...to the library.
Aren't you a little overdressed?
Well, I just thought that
I would, you know
drop in on the, on the, uh..
...on-on the thing.
You mean the wedding.
I heard it referred to
as that before.
Will, I already told you
you're not going
to that wedding.
Oh, come on.
Look, mom, I have to go.
- I can't disappoint Aunt J.
- Aunt J?
Boy, I'm the one you should be
worrying about disappointing.
Look-look, mom, mom.
I think I'm old enough to
make
this decision for myself.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, now-now you, too.
Why, I raise you,
your Aunt Vivian
Aunt Helen, and your Aunt J.
Now, all of a sudden,
everybody knows more than me.
Look, mom.
What you feel about Frank
I mean,
it might be cool for you.
I mean, but that's not cool
for Aunt Janice.
I sacrificed a lot for Janice
and it's quite obvious that
she doesn't respect me anymore.
Which also means she doesn't
care about me anymore.
Well, that's fine, because
I don't care about her, either.
Mom, what are you saying? What?
Everybody that loves you
got to do exactly what you say?
I mean, what if I don't choose
the college that you want
or I don't choose
the profession you want
or don't live in the city
that you want?
What?
You gonna stop loving me, too?
Look, mom, I hope not,
'cause, look, I really love you.
I really, really love you, mom,
but I'm going to the..
...to the, to the, to the thing.
If I can just make it
to that door.
Will, what are you doing
in that tux?
I'm-I'm going to the,
to the, um..
...to-to the thing.
Hey, man, I can say it to you.
I'm going to the wedding, man.
Great. Then you'll get to see
my surprise.
Since Aunt Janice
is of the Negroid persuasion
and Frank is of
the Caucasoid persuasion
I've compiled
a special medley of songs.
Give a listen.
♪ Ebony and Ivory ♪
♪ Live together
in perfect harmony ♪
♪ Because the world is black ♪
♪ The world is white ♪
♪ It turns by day ♪
♪ And then by night ♪
♪ Since she's got jungle fever ♪
♪ He's got jungle fever ♪
♪ They've got jungle fever ♪
♪ We're in love ♪♪
[chuckles]
So what do you think?
I think you were deprived
of oxygen at birth.
[instrumental music]
May our love burn
as bright as this candle.
May its flame burn
eternally in our hearts.
If there is anyone who thinks
that Janice and Frank
should not be joined together
in holy matrimony
let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
Oh, Lord, have mercy.
Why are you all looking at me?
Reverend,
go on with the ceremony.
We are paying you by the hour.
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm going to let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm going to let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ Wo-oo-oo-oo-oo ♪
♪ I'm going to let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine ♪
- Yeah!
- Yes, sir!
[all laugh]
Hi, mom.
So what's my little man
working so hard at?
Ugh! This math.
But, hey, this can wait.
You're only gonna be out
here
a few days.
No, no. Don't worry about it.
I'll entertain myself. Go ahead.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, baby.
[pencil sharpener whirring]
[sniffles]
- Blow.
- Mom, what're you..
I said blow.
[blows nose]
Good boy.
- Come on, mom.
- Sorry.
You-you know what, mom?
I can do this later.
Hey, why don't we go somewhere,
have some fun?
Fun? William, you gotta learn
how to concentrate.
Now your schoolwork comes
before anything else.
Alright.
Will.
[camera shutter clicks]
Now keep studying.
[theme song]
♪ Now this is a story
all about how ♪
♪ My life got flipped
turned upside down ♪
♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪
♪ I'll tell you how
I became the prince ♪
♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪
♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪
♪ On the playground was where
I spent most of my days ♪
♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪
♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪
♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪
♪ Started making trouble
in my neighborhood ♪
♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared ♪
♪ She said you're movin'
with your auntie ♪
♪ And uncle in Bel-Air ♪
♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪
♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪
♪ If anything I could say that
this cab was rare ♪
♪ But I thought nah forget it ♪
♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪
♪ I pulled up to the house
about seven or eight ♪
♪ And I yelled to the cabbie ♪
♪ Yo homes smell ya later ♪
♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪
♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪
Put the champagne over there,
then go out
and help set up the tables.
And if you value your tips
stop looking at my behind.
Oh, I can't believe my baby
sister's getting married.
I can. I just paid the florist.
Philip, all you ever
think about is money.
No. That's not true, Vivian.
Sometimes I think about
other things.
[Vivian giggles]
Would you two knock it off?
You're married.
It's time you start
acting like it.
Viola,
this is why I got married.
[laughs]
Mother, please. It's the
'90s.
I mean, a woman doesn't
have to be married to..
Like, I read about it, okay?
- Where do you want these?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Lady, don't you know
any other words?
No.
I'm sorry.
Pea-green patio chairs?
I don't think so.
This is not
a Ninja Turtle wedding.
Agh! Do I have to do
everything myself?
Miss Hilary, the day you do
everything for yourself
will be the day I square dance
naked on the White House lawn.
Do we have a safety deposit box?
I wanna hide my things
before Aunt Helen
and Uncle Lester get here
with Bobby.
Oh, Ashley, your cousin Bobby
is not that bad.
Mom, last time he came here
he pulled off Barbie's arm
and burnt down her Dream House.
[car door closes]
(Helen)
'Now, now, Bobby,
don't attack the squirrel.'
I'm out of here.
- Hey. Hi, everybody.
- Hey!
[clamoring]
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Ah! Baby!
- Here you are, sweet boy.
Oh, my, my, my!
Is this the Banks' house
or Buckingham Palace?
Hey, big sister Vi.
You got a boyfriend yet?
Now ain't no point
in saving nothing these days.
You hear what I'm saying?
The whole neighborhood
hears what you saying.
Well, Helen, I see you still
haven't come out of your shell.
- Vivian, girl, you look good.
- Mm.
And you've lost weight
in all the right places.
[both laugh]
Philip, you look good.
And you look good.
Where's Carlton?
Bobby,
covering a person's eyes
when they're driving is
not a very wise thing to do.
And don't ever call me
a weenie-face in public again.
Well, we're in private now,
weenie-face.
Ah, Carlton,
take the luggage upstairs.
Now, you three will sleep
in Carlton's room
and Carlton will sleep
in Will's room.
I want to sleep with Carlton.
I always dreamt
when I heard those words
it would be Paula Abdul
saying them.
Oh! Lester, how about
a little NFL action, huh?
Man, I take all the action
I can get.
Yo, yo, yo,
look who I found at the airport.
- Divas!
- Baby girl!
How are you doing?
[clamoring]
Wait a minute.
Now where is the groom?
Frank is coming in the morning.
He had to take care
of some business.
Yes. Speaking of taking care
of business, does he?
Forever is a long time, sister.
- Not in front of Will, please.
- Viola, wake up.
Will is 17 years old.
He's probably taking care
of a little business
himself.
- 'Hm-hmm.'
- 'Aren't you, Will?'
[Janice laughs]
Absolutely not!
Vivian, Frank and I appreciate
you giving us this wedding
on such short notice.
Oh! I want you to be
my matron of honor.
Oh. Of course I will.
And, uh, guess who's gonna be
the best man, naturally.
- Will?
- Y'all don't know?
Hey, I did teach her
how to burp on command.
And I did teach you
how to dance.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
- Look out.
- Hold on, Aunt Janice.
Hold up.
That was, like, ten years
ago.
I'm, like,
light-years ahead of you
now.
Yeah.
Thanks a lot, Aunt Janice.
Ah! I am so happy.
Ah-ha!
Oh! Look at the size
of this rock.
- Oh, Gibraltar is a mole hill.
- Right.
Later on this afternoon,
you ladies can go skating on it.
[all laugh]
Well, isn't this something?
The Smith Sisters
are together again.
- Yes, we are.
- The good, the bad, and the--
Don't even try it.
[instrumental music]
[sighs]
You need a pedicure.
Yeah, I would crack on your feet
but they don't reach
all the way up here.
Will..
Do you want to get married?
Alright, that's it.
Get out of my bed!
Not to me, you pervert.
I'm sorry, man. This is L.A.
Well, I'm definitely
getting married
and I want my wife
to be a virgin.
Well, you better hurry up, man.
Mother Teresa
ain't getting no younger.
My wife, the limber
but unspoiled Bridgetta.
She'll be an excellent homemaker
and have the breasts
the size of Australia.
I don't know, man.
I just can't imagine
waking up to the same woman
every day
for the rest of my life
n-no matter how big
Australia is.
Come on, Will, you really
don't want to get married?
I don't know, man.
Maybe one day.
'You know,
when I'm old and gray.'
You know, around 29,
30 years old.
Heck, by then young Carlton will
be interviewing for preschool
and Carltonette will be
a little croissant in the oven.
Well, that's good.
Then they'll be able to baby-sit
little Will, Wilma, Williamina,
Wilton, and Baby Willy.
Goodnight, Will.
- Carlton?
- Yeah?
Is that your feet,
or did you break wind?
Sorry, Will.
[instrumental music]
Janice,
I'm starting to get worried.
Shouldn't Frank be here by now?
Vivian, I know my sweetheart.
He'll be here because
there's absolutely nothing else
he would rather be doing today.
Carlton, come on, man.
It is not that serious.
I'm head usher
and there's no one to seat.
I'll be all dressed up
with absolutely nothing to
do.
Just think of it
as one of your dates.
Alright, Bobby. Sit and
stay.
Carlton, it's your shift.
I'm going to get my tubes tied.
Cousin Carlton, tomorrow,
can you take me to
Disneyland?
Forget it.
I will not be an accomplice
to the murder of Mickey Mouse.
You know, Bobby, I love it
when you come to visit, man.
They appreciate me so much more
when you leave.
[doorbell rings]
It's him.
I gotta go fix my makeup.
Mr. Frank Schaeffer.
Yes. Yes.
Welcome to our family. I'm Vi.
I raised Janice, and looking at
you, I know I raised her right.
Those are the other two sisters.
Oh, yes. Yes.
Cute, cute, cute, and cute.
A dangerous combination. Ha-ha.
Why don't you come in,
make yourself comfortable?
Your little woman will be down
any minute.
Great.
(Helen)
'Mm-mm-mm.'
- Thanks a lot, buddy.
- Thanks.
Baby.
Hey, my brother, you gonna
let her tip him like that?
Man, what does she do
when y'all eat out?
Everybody, this is Frank.
Frank, this is everybody.
[sighs]
Come on, honey.
I'll show you to your room.
[clears throat]
Excuse me, but what happened
to the little lady
y'all promised me?
Here's $5. Go find your own.
Gee, when Janice described him
she didn't mention that he was..
...tall.
Not that I have any problem
with people who-who are t-tall.
My cousin used to date a girl
who was t-tall.
Heck, the boys go to
a predominantly...tall school.
Am I alone in this, or didn't
y'all notice he was white?
What the hell is wrong
with Janice?
Uh, I'm sorry, did I say white?
I meant tall.
He didn't seem that tall to me.
I do not want my sister
marrying that man.
But Aunt J seems so happy.
Doesn't she?
I mean, a-a-and that's what
we want for her.
Isn't it?
Happy, happy, happy?
Vi, this is her decision.
Let Janice do
what she wants to do.
Well, she can do it without us.
Come on, Will.
Hey, wait. Mom, mom. Hold up.
Wait, I'm the best man.
Not anymore, you're not.
I said, come on.
She breastfed me.
[instrumental music]
[both shriek]
- Oh! Vivian!
- You're in the dark.
What're you doing down here
in the dark?
Well, I couldn't find the lights
in this bowling alley
you call a kitchen.
Well, I couldn't sleep, either.
Oh, I hope this wedding
doesn't turn into a disaster.
Now, look.
I don't care if Frank is black,
white, or candy-apple red.
I've been on Slim-Fast
for the last two weeks
to fit into my dress.
Now somebody's gonna marry
somebody up in here.
Oh, the hell with it.
Start slicing up that ham.
Girl, this family has sure
had its share of surprises.
Do you remember the last reunion
when Uncle Rubin
came out of the closet?
How could I forget?
He came out wearing
my purple-leather suit.
I guess you guys couldn't sleep,
either, huh?
- Oh!
- Oh!
Janice, what are you doing up?
Tomorrow's your big day.
Yeah, right. Looks like I caused
a big mess, as usual.
Oh, don't be so hard
on yourself.
You don't always cause
a big mess.
Yes, she does.
She's the one that told Uncle
Rubin he looked good in purple.
Janice, why didn't you tell
anybody about Frank?
I guess I was hoping
no one would notice.
Honey, who'd you think
you were bringing him home to?
Stevie Wonder?
Well, I was afraid
you wouldn't approve.
Janice, you do not need
our approval.
Are you sure
this is what you want to do?
Vivian,
there's not a doubt in my mind.
Then I guess I better pick up
some Barry Manilow
for the reception.
Look..
I think there are a lot of fine
young brothers out there
just as good as Frank.
But you can't control
who you fall in love with.
If he's still here
in the morning
honey, I say marry him.
Okay?
[all laugh]
What's going on in here?
- Oh-oh.
- Mm.
Oh, we just thought
we'd have a little snack
before we went upstairs.
What's upstairs?
The electric chair?
Oh, come on, Vi. Come on.
Sit down with us
and have a snack.
No, that's alright. I know
you really don't want me to.
Of course we do. Don't we?
- Mm-hm. Come on, sit down, Vi.
- Mm-hm.
So, here we are together again.
The Smith Sisters.
Loud, live, and in color.
More like quiet, evil,
and colored.
Damn it. Janice, you should have
told me he was white.
Oh, oh. Clear the table.
I think she's gonna blow.
Vi, I am sick to death
of your attitude.
Now if you don't want
to be here, just leave.
I mean, if you don't want me
to marry Frank, so who
cares?
Baby, don't you have
enough problems
being an African-American woman?
You need a white husband
to further complicate things?
What about Frank?
This isn't gonna make
his life any easier.
Have you thought about that?
You thought about your children?
Or the jobs or friends
you may lose
because some bigot fails to see
the beauty in your marriage?
Honey, I did not make the rules
but I do know
how to play the game.
For survival, Janice,
please don't marry this man.
Vi, Frank and I are aware
of everything you just said
and we can handle it, sis.
[sighs]
You are making a terrible,
terrible mistake.
Well, I guess she'll be on
the first broom back to Philly.
[instrumental music]
Hey, yo, Frank,
what you doing, man?
Ah, just trying
to get some color.
It's going great, man.
For a second there,
I thought you was Wesley Snipes.
Look, son, this is a big
step
you're about to take.
Now, first,
you're not into any gambling
or fancy women, are you?
No, I'm a pretty straight guy.
Alright, that was gonna be
my next question.
Look, man,
Janice is like my big sister
and I just want to make sure
she's in good hands.
Don't worry, Will.
I really love her
and I'm gonna do my best
to make her happy.
And when you come visit,
you can borrow my Porsche.
- Got my blessing, man.
- Yeah.
Hey, you wanna grab
something to eat?
Super.
So you need any tips on sex?
- No, not really.
- Got any for me?
Look, mom
we have a difference
of opinion, okay?
But I've made a decision,
and I'm not afraid to say
it.
Now, I'm going to the..
...to the library.
Aren't you a little overdressed?
Well, I just thought that
I would, you know
drop in on the, on the, uh..
...on-on the thing.
You mean the wedding.
I heard it referred to
as that before.
Will, I already told you
you're not going
to that wedding.
Oh, come on.
Look, mom, I have to go.
- I can't disappoint Aunt J.
- Aunt J?
Boy, I'm the one you should be
worrying about disappointing.
Look-look, mom, mom.
I think I'm old enough to
make
this decision for myself.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, now-now you, too.
Why, I raise you,
your Aunt Vivian
Aunt Helen, and your Aunt J.
Now, all of a sudden,
everybody knows more than me.
Look, mom.
What you feel about Frank
I mean,
it might be cool for you.
I mean, but that's not cool
for Aunt Janice.
I sacrificed a lot for Janice
and it's quite obvious that
she doesn't respect me anymore.
Which also means she doesn't
care about me anymore.
Well, that's fine, because
I don't care about her, either.
Mom, what are you saying? What?
Everybody that loves you
got to do exactly what you say?
I mean, what if I don't choose
the college that you want
or I don't choose
the profession you want
or don't live in the city
that you want?
What?
You gonna stop loving me, too?
Look, mom, I hope not,
'cause, look, I really love you.
I really, really love you, mom,
but I'm going to the..
...to the, to the, to the thing.
If I can just make it
to that door.
Will, what are you doing
in that tux?
I'm-I'm going to the,
to the, um..
...to-to the thing.
Hey, man, I can say it to you.
I'm going to the wedding, man.
Great. Then you'll get to see
my surprise.
Since Aunt Janice
is of the Negroid persuasion
and Frank is of
the Caucasoid persuasion
I've compiled
a special medley of songs.
Give a listen.
♪ Ebony and Ivory ♪
♪ Live together
in perfect harmony ♪
♪ Because the world is black ♪
♪ The world is white ♪
♪ It turns by day ♪
♪ And then by night ♪
♪ Since she's got jungle fever ♪
♪ He's got jungle fever ♪
♪ They've got jungle fever ♪
♪ We're in love ♪♪
[chuckles]
So what do you think?
I think you were deprived
of oxygen at birth.
[instrumental music]
May our love burn
as bright as this candle.
May its flame burn
eternally in our hearts.
If there is anyone who thinks
that Janice and Frank
should not be joined together
in holy matrimony
let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.
Oh, Lord, have mercy.
Why are you all looking at me?
Reverend,
go on with the ceremony.
We are paying you by the hour.
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm going to let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ I'm going to let it shine ♪
♪ This little light of mine ♪
♪ Wo-oo-oo-oo-oo ♪
♪ I'm going to let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine let it shine ♪
♪ Let it shine ♪
- Yeah!
- Yes, sir!
[all laugh]