The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 9 - Someday Your Prince Will Be in Effect - full transcript

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about how ♪

♪ My life got flipped
turned upside down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take
a minute just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became he prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some b-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪



♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're moving with your
auntie and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could
say that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo holmes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
Yo homes smell ya later ♪

♪ Looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

Boys, I'd love to go to the
Halloween Party tonight, but..

Well, I can only go
with one of you.

Okay. Tough luck, Carlton.



Uh, neat it, see you,
scram,sayonara.

Peace out. And so long, screwy.

Not so fast.
I don't even know you.

Count your blessings.

Now, do you see, miss?

I mean, this is an example

of the difference
between the two of us.

I mean, while Carlton snaps
at every opportunity

to take a cheap shot..

I mean, I'm the kindest,
gentlest soul

you'll ever want to meet.

Melinda, I'm nice to all
people. Young and old.

Like a couple of weeks ago,
Carlton's grandmother visited.

And who kept her company?

Not Carlton. Me.

What're you doing up so late?

Oh, child, I had to get up
and get breakfast started.

I don't know what y'all
got that Geoffrey for.

- Five-card draw?
- Yeah, I'm with it.

You know, granny,
I really like you.

You-you and grandpa,
you have fun. You tell jokes.

Y'all bust me up.

Thank you, son.

Hey, look. Granny, it's late,
everybody's asleep.

You can level with me.

Uncle Phil's adopted, right?

Oh, now, we're real
proud of Zeke.

Did you know he won
The Young Farmers of America

Pig Raising trophy?

No. I didn't know that

but I'd love to have some
details about that.

Won it four years running.

They had to retire
his slop bucket.

Slop bucket? Oh, I can't wait
till he wakes up.

Respect your elders, son.

Mm-mm. See, I beat you.

You know, he was
the first Black President

of the Young Farmers.

Was that like a big thing?

Oh, my, yes!

Mm-mm. I beat you again.

Aw, that was awfully sweet
of you to play cards with her.

Sweet? Well, some would
say that, but..

It was just me being
my thoughtful self.

Reality check. This guy
is far from thoughtful.

He's the most selfish,
irresponsible person

I have ever met.

A few weeks ago,
I went on a car trip

and this guy caused
all kinds of trouble.

[instrumental music]

♪ A B C D E F G H ♪

♪ I got a gal in Kalamazoo ♪

♪ I don't want to boast
but I know she's the toast ♪

♪ Of Kalamazoo ♪

♪ Zoo zoo zoo ♪♪

Plans for Palm Springs.

One, work on golf swing.

Two, review SAT practice book.

Three, ask Mr. Furth
about a summer internship.

Four, get the stick
out of your butt!

[laughs]

Way to go, Will.

You almost made us crash.

What do you think
you're doin' here anyway?

Oh, come on. Just relax
and pretend I'm not even here.

Gladly.

Whatcha eatin'?

Oh, for crying out loud.

Can I have some?

Alright, Will. I'll share my
snack with you on one condition.

When we get to Palm Springs

you'll behave like
a proper gentleman

and try to maintain some
sense of decorum and etiquette.

- Understood?
- Yeah.

Good. What do you
say to an Oreo?

I say, "What's up, Carlton?"

- He hid in the back seat?
- Hmm. It got worse.

Because of his antics, we
got
arrested and thrown in jail.

He's only telling
one side of the story, Melinda.

Uh, when we were in jail,
this boy cracked.

I had to do everything
in my power

to try to hold him together.

This is terrible. I'm ruined.

I'll be kicked
out of the Glee Club

I won't get into Princeton.

I won't be admitted to the bar.

Well, neither will I.
The cops took my fake ID.

Come on, man, don't give me
that my-dog-is-dead face.

Come on. Let's sing.

- I'm not singing.
- Come on..

♪ When Israel
was in Egypt land ♪

This is just retarded.

Come on, man, let it go.
You'll feel better.

♪ Let my people go ♪

♪ Oppressed so hard
they could not stand ♪

♪ Let my people go ♪

♪ Go down Moses ♪

♪ Way down in Egypt land ♪

♪ Tell all pharaohs ♪

♪ Let my people go ♪

♪ Clap your hands
slap your thigh ♪

♪ Hallelujah Hallelujah
everybody come along ♪

♪ Come join the jubilee ♪♪

Well, Melinda,
I've been charitable so far

but now's the time
to take off the gloves.

You don't know
what a date with Will is
like.

One evening, not so long ago

Will was walking
a young lady home..

Yo, I told you, babe.

A date with me
be a night to remember.

- What'd you think of dinner? -
Dinner?

It was just a Slurpee.

Oh, I did that for you, baby.

You don't keep that body
of yours slim, trim

and ready for action.

Well, your hamburger and
fries
sure did look good.

Baby, that's man food.

It's getting awfully late, Will.

Shouldn't we take a cab?

Well, that's awfully
expensive, baby.

Let's just walk down
this dark alley.

Alright, punk.

Your money or your girlfriend.

My brother,
you're making this too easy.

- Will!
- 'Unhand her.'

And who are you?

Banks. Carlton Banks.

[upbeat music]

[screams]

One second, Melinda, please.

Carlton, what the hell was that?

- That never happened.
- It could have.

Besides, when we made this bet

there was nothing in the rules
that said no lying.

Oh, okay, okay. Well, you know,
two can play at that game.

Hey. What were you
two talking about?

Oh, well, I was just asking
Carlton how long

he's been a pathological liar.

And he said ever since
he was the Emperor of China.

You mean, the story
wasn't true?

Of course not.

I'll tell you what a typical
night with me is like.

Master William,
you have a visitor.

A Mr. Jackson.

Oh, come on, G. I-I don't have
time for these interruptions.

Look, I got homework forever.

Look, tell Michael
I'll have to work

on his dance steps later.

That's Bo Jackson.

- Yo, what's up, babe?
- I don't know.

Watch the handshake, man.
There goes baseball season.

Yo, my fault. my fault, my
fault. Yo, what you need, man?

Well, I'm throwing this
formal dinner party.

And Bo don't know what to serve.

Yo! No problem.

Let me hook you up
with my resident fun expert.

- Hey, yo, Heav.
- You rang?

Bo Jackson, Heavy D.

- Yo.
- Yo, Bo.

So, Bo, tell Heav your problem.

Well, I'm throwing
this formal dinner party.

And when it comes to
cookin',
Bo don't know diddley.

I think that's pronounced
diddley, diddley.

Diddley, diddley, diddley,
diddley, diddley, diddley

diddley, diddley,
diddley, D.

Oh, Heav, show Bo
around the kitchen.

No problem. Follow me,
your runnin' backness.

Hey, Will, thanks so much
for lettin' me

be your close
and personal friend.

Back at you, babe.

[phone ringing]

- Hello.
- Hey, Will, what's up, man?

This is Malcolm.

Yo! What up, home?

Listen, I'm goin'
on this date tonight.

And I really wanna impress this
girl, and I was wondering if..

...maybe I could tell
her I know you?

Malcolm. Malcolm. Malcolm.

I mean, look, I understand
your instinct I mean

but you shouldn't try to impress
a girl with who you know.

I mean, it's much better that
she like you just for yourself.

And if she gets to know
the Malcolm that I know

I don't think she'll
be able to resist.

Thanks a lot, Will.

Man, I don't know
what I would do without you

as a close, personal friend.

- Peace, man.
- Peace, babe.

Master William,
you have another visitor.

Come on, G, please.
I got to get my homework done.

Terribly sorry, sir,
but he's otherwise engaged.

But I happen to be his
close,
personal friend.

Will, my man,
I got a serious problem.

Tonight I'm supposed
to go in the studio

and finish up a record.

I can't find the lead
singer.

Uh, this is real
important to me.

I need your help this time, man.

First of all, let's check
our ego at the door.

Now, now, look, Q,
I saved your butt before.

- I know.
- That, that Thriller thing.

Q, as always, look,
you need a singer

I'll get you a singer, man.

Q.

Yo, what's up, man?
This is Prince.

Yo, I got Quincy Jones
over here.

Yo, dude is in pain.

Could you come right over?

Alright. In a minute, babe.

- Who was that?
- Oh, a close, personal friend.

Mr. Al B. Sure.

- What's going on, man?
- Yo, what's up, dawg?

Hey, man, I'm glad you could
come on such short notice, man.

- Yo, I need a big favor.
- Anything for you.

- Quincy Jones, Al B. Sure.
- Al B.

Hey, Quincy Jones.
What's happening?

- This is hot.
- Good to see you, man.

Hey, yo, y'all get
to work on that track.

- Alright.
- Let's do it. Will.

8:30, I've got to see
"A Different World."I'm sorry.

Yeah, man. I love that show.

Really? Hey, yo, K.

What?

What's happening, babe?

I want you to meet a couple of
close, personal friends of mine.

Quincy Jones, Al B. Sure.
Kadeem Hardison.

Man, this dude knows everybody.

Baby, yeah, that was, that was
a kind of slow night for me.

So come on, what's up?
Come to the party with me.

No, come to the party with
me.

Guys, guys, listen,
you have both made

such good cases for yourself.

It makes it even
harder to choose.

So, I'm going to have
to go with basic..

...raw, physical attraction.

What time should I be there,
Carlton?

[instrumental music]

[upbeat music]

Welcome back to
Croissants Aplenty.

I didn't order.. Urgh, what kind
of a croissant is that?

It's peanut butter.
And it's on the house.

Looks like it's been
on the floor.

You look a little down.

What? Did you lose
the contest to your friend?

Oh, yeah.
Who'd have guessed it?

I mean, especially in a place
this well lit.

Well, you know, strange things
happen on Halloween.

Uh, don't remind me, I got
to go to that party tonight

on the solo tip.

Oh, look, don't feel too
bad.

There's bound to be at least one
other guy there without a date.

Yeah. You know, Cindy,
you're probably right.

Oh, Master William, there were
three phone messages for you.

From a Miss Karen, a Miss Judy,
and a Miss Trisha.

Yo. Wha-what did they say?

"How desperate
do you think I am?"

"Not on your life."

And, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha...ha."

So, why did the security
guard
stop you, Hilary?

It seems I fit
the description of a shoplifter

they've been trying to catch.

What was the description?

I don't know exactly,
but it's fair to guess that

"Stunning" was part of it.

Eugene said he was sorry.

Who is Eugene?

The security guard.
Hilary invited him to the party.

Why did you do that?

It seemed to speed up
the paperwork.

Well, before the party starts

I think I'll go up
and get some rest.

Wait a minute. Philip,
you didn't get a costume.

You went to that
silly gadget store.

But I didn't buy a silly gadget.
I bought a stapler.

[automated]
'Only three pencils remain.'

'Proceed to stationery store
immediately.'

Everybody go get ready.

I'm gonna go up
and put my costume on now.

Well, what is it, Hilary?

A gorgeous
Yves Saint Laurent dress.

Ooh, scary.

I just got off the phone
with Melinda, my date.

She's coming
as Mrs. Santa Claus.

I hope that doesn't
conflict with

what your date
will be wearing.

For your information,
I have a date.

What's her name?

Uh, J-J-Janet G-Girlie.

[upbeat music]

Geoffrey, isn't this
a fabulous party?

The entire Brat Pack is here,
plus two Twin Peakers.

Oh, Miss Ashley,
you look absolutely

splendid in your costume.

Well, I wanted
to come as a ballerina

but I guess a short guy with a
mustache is the next best thing.

Ha-aha, Carlton.
White face and lipstick.

Boy, you're living out
all your fantasies tonight, huh?

So, sore loser,
is your date here yet?

She'll be here.

Will, for your information,
the skeleton over there

is Elizabeth McGovern.

And the unicorn standing
next to her is Kevin Bacon.

And they both wish you would
stop hitting on them.

Why'd you come as Elton
John?

I'm supposed to
be Superfly, Hilary.

Well, your super fly's open.

[doorbell rings]

(all)
Trick or treat!

Can I take a look
inside those bags, please?

What kind of outfit is that
for a Halloween Party?

I'm going as Comfortable Man.

- Is that a comic-book hero?
- Sort of.

He has superhuman
bill-paying powers.

so he gets to dress
however he likes.

Love that costume, daddy.

♪ What's love got to do
got to do with it ♪

Oh, no.

♪ What's mm mm mm ♪♪

Well, Philip, do you know
who I'm supposed to be?

I don't care.
You look fantastic.

What're you looking at, clown?

Oh, look,
there's Kiefer Sutherland

talking to River Phoenix.

So what happened
to your date, Carlton?

Did she hit her head
and her eyesight come back?

She's powdering her nose.

I can understand
your bitterness, Will.

The party's almost over,
and you lost the bet.

[instrumental music]

Ladies and gentlemen.
Cinderella.

Hello. Is my prince here?

- Hello, Will.
- Do I know you?

Give a guy your last
peanut-butter croissant

he forgets you in a minute.

- Cindy? The waitress?
- That's right.

Yo, baby, that hairnet
was doing nothing for you.

Will, can I be
your date tonight?

Baby, forget tonight. Let's
block out the next 50 years.

Why did you decide to come?

Well, when the two of you
showed up at the restaurant

I thought you were just
a couple of macho clods.

But when you came back,
you were so sweet.

Well, I guess I'm a sucker
for a sad puppy.

[whimpers]

This doesn't affect
our bet, Will.

I still found a date first.

Stop it!
Let go of me, you creep!

Eugene, what are you doing?

I thought our agreement was
you could come to my party

but you couldn't
falsely arrest anybody.

This isn't a false arrest.

This is the shoplifter
I mistook you for.

This girl's a kleptomaniac.

- My silverware.
- That's my watch.

My date.

Let this be a lesson
to all of you.

You don't have to break the law
to have a happy Halloween.

Goodnight, now.

[instrumental music]

Will, may I have this dance?

Yo, baby.
Your prince is in effect.

[music continues]

Where do you live?

I live with my stepmother
and her two daughters..

...in Encino.

Do you work every night?

Yeah, I have to stay at the cafe
and wait for everyone to leave

and sweep up.

Where'd you get
this fly costume at?

Well, I was sweeping up,
and an old lady came in..

...and she..

Well, it's a long story.

Oh, no. I didn't know
it was so late.

- I've got to go.
- Yo, yo, Cindy, wait!

I'm sorry, Will.

Uh-oh.

Her slipper.

Could it be?

I've been touched by magic.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe
I dropped my shoe.

Maybe I should try
some of those insole
thingies.

Listen, here's my number.
Call me tomorrow.

[upbeat music]

I can't believe Carlton
went to sleep.

Why couldn't he
help us clean up?

Ash, if you found out
the only person in the world

that would go out with you
was mentally deranged

you'd go to bed early, too.

[doorbell rings]

(all)
Trick or treat!

Oh, I'm sorry,
we're out of candy.

(all)
Oh.

Well, how come you guys
came so late?

We were watchingMatlock.

I got something
better than candy.

A scary story.

(all)
Yeah!

It was a cold,
dreary, wintry night.

October 31 was the date.

There was a couple of little
kids dressed just like you

trick or treatin'
in Bel-Air around 8:00.

'Now, normally Bel-Air
was safe and sound.'

'But this year,
things were ill.'

'But as on every Halloween,
the parents sent their kids out'

'not knowing this year
it wasn't chill.'

There was a rude awakening
in this Bel-Air town

no more tranquility or peace.

Not Jason, Michael Myers,
or Freddie Krueger

but this monster was called
the Bel-Air Beast.

This monster was
dreadfully ugly

and he bothers you
when you're all alone.

A face like nothing
you've ever seen before

and he reeks of Polo
cologne.

He stalks his victims slowly

with the world's
most terrible breath.

But he doesn't use
an axe or a chain saw

he talks his victims to death.

'So if you see this monster'

'run and don't look back, kids.'

This monster's called
the Bel-Air Beast.

And, oh, my goodness,
there he is!

[screaming]

[theme music]