The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 6 - Mistaken Identity - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Thank you, Geoffrey.

- Mom!
- It's only a weekend.

Besides, at your age

you should be able to
babysit your little sister.

Nuh-uh.

Why can't Geoffrey
babysit her?

Because we're giving him
the weekend off.

You mean I'm going to have to
get my own breakfast, too?

Am I being punished
for something?

I was just asking myself
that same question.



But, dad, I'm only nine.

Can't Hilary
take care of herself?

Oh, hi, Hilary.

Now, Ashley,
you be a good girl

while we're in Palm Springs.

Well, I'm in a bad mood

and somebody is
going to suffer.

Please take me with you.

If I could, sweety,
I'd put you in my pocket

but this retreat is just
for members of the law firm

and their wives or spouses.

No kids allowed.

Man, this is gon' be hype!

Yo, Palm Springs!



The home of
the dental floss bikini.

Will, before you get
your mojo working..

...I think there's something
you should know.

You're not going.

Yo, you better
tell that to my mojo

'cause his bags is packed.

[doorbell rings]

That's gonna be
Henry and Margaret.

Uh, Geoffrey, would you
get that, please?

Right away, sir.

I shall tend to
my hernia a bit later.

Hey, Uncle Phil, man,
I-I don't think

you want to leave me here
all weekend

you know, with no
adult supervision.

Did you see that movie
"House Party?"

No. Did you see
"The Terminator?"

Mr. and Mrs. Furth.

Well, kids,
the limo's waiting.

We'll drive right
to the helicopter.

- Helicopter?
- I just got my license.

My man Henry.

Wouldn't it be nice
if you could have

your car with you
in Palm Springs?

What if you could find
a nice, responsible young man

to drive it there for you?

Will, that's a super idea.

Carlton, you're a nice,
responsible young man.

And you're an eminent
respected attorney

and your wife
is a dazzling beauty.

Yo, G, did you leave
a vacuum cleaner on?

I just heard
a loud sucking noise.

Carlton, old sport

how would you like
to drive my Mercedes

to Palm Springs
this weekend?

You could hang around the
retreat, play some golf.

And you know the chicks
in Palm Springs

wear the skimpiest
of bikinis.

Well, I sure could use
a good game of golf.

Good show.
See you there.

Okay, everybody.

Last one in the chopper
is a rotten egg.

[chuckles]

- See you, kiddo.
- 'Uh-huh.'

- Okay. Take care.
- 'See you, dad.'

- 'Have a good trip.'
- Okay, son.

Why so glum, chum?

It was my idea for me to drive
his car to Palm Springs.

How come he asked you to do it?

This is a black thing, isn't it?

[theme music]

♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one
little fight ♪

♪ And my mom got scared ♪

♪ And said you're moving
with your auntie ♪

♪ and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I can say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought
nah forget it ♪

♪ Yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about seven or eight ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabby ♪

♪ Yo homes
smell you later ♪

♪ I looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the Prince of Bel-Air ♪♪

[music continues]

(Carlton)
'A, B, C, D,
E, F, G, H..'

♪ I got a gal ♪

♪ In Kalamazoo ♪

♪ I don't want to boast ♪

♪ but I know she's
the toast of Kalamazoo ♪

♪ Zoo zoo zoo zoo ♪♪

Plans for Palm Springs.

One, work on golf swing.

Two, review SAT Practice book.

Three, ask Mr. Furth about
a summer internship.

Four, get the stick
out of your butt.

[laughing]

Way to go, Will.

You almost made us crash.

What do you think
you're doing here anyway?

Oh, come on, just relax, C.
Pretend I'm not even here.

Gladly.

What you eating?

Oh, for crying out loud.

Could I have some?

Alright, Will,
I'll share my snack with you

on one condition,
when we get to Palm Springs

you will behave
like a proper gentleman

and try to maintain some sense
of decorum and etiquette.

- Understood?
- Yeah.

Good.
What do you say to an Oreo?

I say,
"What's up, Carlton?"

[instrumental music]

(Carlton)
I can't believe we're lost.

What's the name of this street?
"Arguello Drive."

Maybe that'll get us
back to the freeway.

Here. Let me check.

[sighs]
No, man. No freeways, son, I..

Hey, C-Carlton,
look out! A low bridge!

[screams]

Look, thanks a lot, man.

Now we got to go back
and get my head.

And I really
liked that head.

Can the yuck fest, Will.

We're lost
and it's all your fault.

You're the one
that ain't bring no map.

Well, you're the one that have
to go to the bathroom.

You're the one
that gave me that Shasta.

[siren blaring]

- Is that the police?
- Punch it, man.

We're in a Benz.

Are you crazy?
I call this a lucky break.

A policeman is our pal.
We can ask him for directions.

Listen to me, Carlton,
when he comes up

keep your hands
on the wheel.

Good evening, officer.
Carlton Banks.

Keep your hands
on the wheel.

Where you heading?

We're going to Palm Springs.
And yourself?

Where are you headed
this fine evening?

Good job, Carlton. Now he's gon'
want to see your license.

- Right.
- Can I see your license?

My license? Yeah.

I have to warn you
this picture was taken

without my contacts.
And the height is a typo.

I'm actually a lot taller.

Fool, this is not
"The Love Connection."

- Vehicle registration, please.
- Just a sec.

But the thing is, officer,
this isn't my car.

[groans]

- Get out of the car, Carlton.
- What?

He's going to tell us
to get out of the car.

You watch too much TV, Will.

Get out of the car.

Officer, honestly,
I don't see the need to--

Hey, hey!
Get out of the car now.

[instrumental music]

Okay, Carlton,
thanks to you

we're already an hour late
to bikini land.

So, when they interrogate us,
which they like to do

keep all your answers
short and sweet.

Will, I know how
to handle this.

I'm pre-law.

Okay, fellas, let's start
at the beginning.

- Where are you from?
- LA.

- Well, not exactly.
- Next question, please.

Now let's hear what your
friend has to say.

Actually, we come from Bel-Air.

In fact, we live two houses away
from the Reagans.

We have the same pool man.

And where were you headed to?

The desert.
Next question, please.

Not just the desert,
Palm Springs.

We're going to
a legal retreat.

It's at Henry Furth's villa,
he's my father's partner

and the owner of the car
we were driving.

Oh, he is, is he?
Then why didn't he drive it

himself to Palm Springs?

Because his wife flew
everybody in her helicopter.

Okay, fellas, we've had
a lot of car thefts

in the area lately.

You want to talk about it?

Okay, I think it's terrible.

You making fun of me, kid?

You're the one who wanted to
talk about it.

Why, frankly, I think it's a
matter for the police to handle.

Carlton,
they're handling it now.

What on earth
are you talking about?

They think
we stole the Benz.

Officers,
let me call Henry Furth

he's the owner of the car

and he'll straighten
everything out.

Sure. Sure.

And while you're at it

you might want to give
Ron and Nancy

a ring-a-ding-ding.

Come on. It's up!
It's up! It's up!

- Come on!
- Oh!

You bum.
You miserable bum.

What a great game.

[telephone rings]

Would you get that, honey?

[ringing continues]

- Hello?
- May I speak to Philip Banks?

Thanks? For what?

No, I said Philip Banks.
Can I speak to him?

Oh, I don't see him,
he must have stepped out.

Can you call back later?

No. Is Mr. Furth there?

Yes. This is Mrs. Furth.

Oh, Mrs. Furth.
This is Carlton. Carlton banks.

Oh, Carlton,
how are you, dear?

Mrs. Furth, you've gotta get
a message to my father.

It's very important.
I'm in jail.

Yale? Marvelous.

Oh, I've got to go now.
See you soon, dear.

Oh, Philip, Vivian.
Carlton just called.

- Is everything alright?
- Oh, I should say so.

He got into Yale.

Yale?
That's my alma mater.

Carlton's only a sophomore,
he's not applied to college yet.

Oh, you know Margaret,
I'm sure she got it wrong.

Probably wasn't Yale.
Probably wasn't a call.

Probably wasn't even a phone.

I'm not getting back into
that helicopter with her.

Yo, yo, C, it's-it's alright,
man, chill.

Yo, I get a phone call, too.
C, it's alright. Chill.

[ringing]

Get it.

Hilary, you're sitting
right next to the phone.

I don't care,
I'm your babysitter.

I command you.

[ringing continues]

Phone.

Let me know if it's for me.

But, Miss Hilary,
I'm off duty.

And you're sitting
right next to the phone.

Yeah, but you're
facing the phone.

[ringing continues]

Lazy House.

Hey, G, w-what up, yo?

Uh, this is Will, man.
I-I need a big favor.

Uh-uh, I'm tired of doing favors
for you spoiled children.

I'm off duty.
I am not an animal.

Hey, yo, man.

I need another phone call.
My butler hung up on me.

Okay, fellas, you want to talk
about those other car thefts?

Look, I don't think you know
who you're talking to.

I have a 3.95
grade point average

which would have been a 4.0

except that I had to
take a ceramics class

and my pot exploded in my kiln.

I'm going to go
to Harvard Law School

and graduate with honors

and then I'm going
to sue you blind.

Now, give us
another phone call.

[gate clangs]

[instrumental music]

[coughing]

I think he likes you.

This is terrible.
I'm ruined.

I'll be kicked out
of the Glee Club.

I won't get into Princeton.

I won't be admitted
to the bar.

Neither will I.
The cops took my fake ID.

Oh, come on, man, don't give me
that my-dog-is-dead face.

- Come on. Let's sing.
- I'm not singing.

Come on.

♪ When Israel
was in Egypt land ♪

This is just retarded.

Come on, man. Let it go.
You'll feel better.

♪ Let my people go ♪

♪ Oppressed so hard
they could not stand ♪

♪ Let my people go ♪

♪ Go down Moses ♪

♪ Way down in Egypt land ♪

♪ Tell old pharaoh ♪

♪ Let my people go ♪♪

♪ Clap your hands
slap your thighs ♪

♪ Hallelujah hallelujah ♪

♪ Everybody sing along ♪

♪ Come join the jubilee ♪♪

♪ I am music
and I write the songs ♪♪

Yo, that was dope, Bob!

Take five?

Yo, C, we got to get
out of here, man.

That big dude
is making me nervous.

Why?

Anytime you see
a white guy in jail

you know he did
something bad.

Man, we got to get a message
to Uncle Phil.

He's a lawyer
and he'll get us out of here.

But they won't give us
any more phone calls.

Not that it matters,
the game was on so loud

Mrs. Furth couldn't
even hear what I said.

- The game?
- Yeah. The football game on TV.

That's all they do
at these retreats.

Alright, alright. We out of
here, man. I got an idea.

- Yo!
- Yeah.

My, uh, buddy here
is ready to confess.

- 'Come on!'
- 'Come on! Look at this!'

- Man, oh!
- He's going for the touchdown!

(all)
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

(man on TV)
'We interrupt this game
for a special report.'

You bum!

This is Steve Goddard of the
Minute Man 21 News Team

at the Santa Juanesta
Police Station.

The recent rash of car thefts
in the Palm Springs area

has finally been solved, as the
perpetrators were arrested

earlier this evening.

'The ringleader
agreed to confess'

only if a camera crew
were present to broadcast live.

What you're about to see is a
Minute Man 21 News exclusive.

Yeah! We done it!

Word to big bird.

We vicked eight Benzitos

fifteen Jags, and a Maserati

but I ain't like
the upholstery

so I took it back, jack!

Uh, do you have
anything to say?

Dad!

♪ Someone left the cake
out in the rain ♪

♪ I don't think
that I can take it ♪

♪ 'Cause it took so long
to bake it ♪

♪ And I'll never have
that recipe again ♪

♪ Oh no ♪♪

- Aunt Viv!
- Dad!

- Who is in charge here?
- I am.

Let those kids out.

These kids are
car thieves.

And you have made
a big mistake.

Now I don't know how you got
that bogus confession

out of them
but those two boys

haven't stolen
a thing from anyone.

This has got to be the biggest
amateur operation I've seen

since "Mayberry RFD."

Could you ask your wife
to calm down?

Calm yourself,
Barney Fife!

Vivian, please.

Now, officers,
I'm sure we can clear

this whole matter up
quite easily.

Would you please sit down?
We're busy now.

Oh, honey, we're about
to get very busy up in here.

- Sit down!
- Hey!

You don't talk to
my wife like that.

Now, wait a minute, buddy.

Who the hell do you think
you're talking to?

Who the hell do you think
you're talking to?

- What's going on here?
- May I help you, sir?

I'm Henry Furth.

Good news, Mr. Furth.

Your car is safe and sound

and we've got
the perpetrators.

Those aren't
the perpetrators.

Those are my partner's
son and nephew.

- Partner?
- Legal partner.

I've got a few
questions for you.

When you got this
alleged confession

from these two young men,
did they have a lawyer present?

No. Because I'm their lawyer.

Did you notify
their parents?

No, because we're their parents.

So, officer,
don't tell us to wait.

And don't tell us to sit down.

Just open that damn cell and
let those two boys out of there

or I'm gonna tie this place up
with so much litigation

that your grandchildren
are gonna need lawyers!

Open the cell, Jerry.

Peace out, Bob.

♪ One is the loneliest number
that you'll ever do ♪

♪ Two can be
as bad as one ♪

♪ But the loneliest number
is the number one ♪

♪ One is the loneliest number ♪

♪ One is the loneliest number ♪♪

Geoffrey,
I want a duck salad.

When exactly do you
go back on duty?

When your parents
walk through that door

and not a moment sooner.

(Vivian)
'Hi. We're home.'

Drat.

Hilary, how'd everything go
with Ashley?

Mother, she was
a little angel.

She polished my nails
and cleaned out my closet.

And to reward her,
we went to this little cafe

that's owned by John Cougar
Mellencamp, Kim Basinger

and Doogie Howser's
business manager.

And we spent the whole afternoon
drinking espresso.

You let Ashley
drink espresso?

Hi, mom! Hi, dad!
Let's go play! Let's go play!

Come on, everybody,
let's go play!

Oh, my God, not..

Not tonight, sweety. We kinda
had an exhausting weekend.

- What happened?
- We got arrested.

- Arrested?
- By who? The fashion police?

No, the police thought
we stole Mr. Furth's car

but they were just trying
to do their jobs.

Why did they think
you stole it?

Hillary, we've been
over that all weekend.

It's late and I think
we all should go to bed.

Oh, I don't want to go to bed.
I want to play monopoly.

I want to jump rope.
Let's go paint my room!

Geoffrey,
some warm milk, please.

- 'Yo, Carlton.'
- Yeah?

Those cops were just
trying to do their jobs?

Will, don't get all
bent out of shape.

Man, you ain't learn
nothing this weekend, did you?

I most certainly did.
Always bring a map.

What?

If we would've had a map

we wouldn't have had to drive
two miles an hour

trying to find
a freeway entrance

and we wouldn't
have been stopped.

Oh, okay, okay.
I get it now.

We were stopped 'cause
we were driving too slow.

We were breaking
the slowness limit.

Oh, okay, well, you see, I never
heard of that law before

but I did hear this other law

it's called that
"If you see a black guy

"driving anything
but a burnt out Pinto

you better stop him
because he stole it law."

Yeah, I heard about that one.

Oh, but, see, I-I thought it was
"The Black Guy Law"

when in actuality, it was
the "Slowness Limit Law."

Oh. Thank you for sharing that
with me, Carlton. Goodnight.

They were just
doing their job.

- Goodnight, Carlton.
- What's your complaint here?

We were detained
for a few hours.

Dad cleared things up
and we were released.

The system works.

I hope you like that system
'cause you're gonna be seeing

a whole lot of it
during your lifetime.

Not if I bring a map.

You just don't get it, do you?

No map is going to save you

and neither is
your Glee Club

or your fancy Bel-Air dress
or who your daddy is

'cause when you're
driving in a nice car

in a strange neighborhood,
none of that matters.

They only see one thing.

Well, maybe growing up
where you did

has made you a little touchy.

But I think you've blown this
thing way out of proportion.

If you look at the facts..

Carlton, it's late.

It's a school day tomorrow, son.

Yeah, yeah.
Okay, dad.

Um, y-you know, it was awfully
nice of Mr. Furth

to help us out.

I'll have to write him
a Thank You note.

It shouldn't have happened
in the first place, son.

Goodnight.

Dad?

If you were a policeman

and you saw a car
driving two miles an hour

wouldn't you stop it?

I asked myself that question

the first time I was stopped.

Goodnight, son.

I would stop it.

[theme music]

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪