The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990–1996): Season 1, Episode 24 - Just Infatuation - full transcript

[instrumental music]

Philip, this kitchen is a mess.

I'd appreciate some help,
please.

I'm cleaning out
the refrigerator.

Yo, check it out,
I got the perfect thing

to surprise Ashley with
at her birthday party.

Yo, Geoffrey! Come on down!

(Geoffrey)
'I'd really rather not,
Master William.'

Come on, G, they waitin'!

Uh, come on, G, kick it.

Hi, kids.



How are you doodly-do doing?

[laughing]

I have never been
more humiliated in my life.

I'm sorry, Geoffrey,
we're not laughing at you.

We're laughing with you.

Yo, that's just them.
I'm definitely laughin' at you.

Master William,
you could have at least

rented a proper clown
costume.

There's a nasty little stain
on my shirt.

[mumbles]
There ain't no stain
on your shirt--

Right there.

[hissing]

[laughing]

- Hi, everybody.
- Hi.



Oh, hi, almost-birthday
girl.

Well, sweetie, how does it feel
to be almost 12?

Dad, as you get older, birthdays
have less and less significance.

You know, I really
stopped counting at ten.

Oh, come on, Ashley, aren't you
just a little bit excited

about your birthday party?

Well, I know
it's a little immature

but, yes, yes, I can't wait!

[chuckles]
So what are you gonna wish for
when you blow your candles out?

Well, there is one thing
I've been wishing for.

- A doll?
- A dress?

- A game?
- No.

A boy!

[theme song]

♪ Now this is a story
all about ♪

♪ How my life got flipped
turned upside-down ♪

♪ And I'd like to take a minute
just sit right there ♪

♪ I'll tell you
how I became the prince ♪

♪ Of a town called Bel-Air ♪

[music continues]

♪ In West Philadelphia
born and raised ♪

♪ On the playground is where
I spent most of my days ♪

♪ Chillin' out maxin'
relaxin' all cool ♪

♪ And all shootin' some B-ball
outside of the school ♪

♪ When a couple of guys
who were up to no good ♪

♪ Started makin' trouble
in my neighborhood ♪

♪ I got in one little fight
and my mom got scared and said ♪

♪ You're movin' with your auntie
and uncle in Bel-Air ♪

♪ I whistled for a cab
and when it came near ♪

♪ The license plate said Fresh
and it had dice in the mirror ♪

♪ If anything I could say
that this cab was rare ♪

♪ But I thought nah forget it
yo homes to Bel-Air ♪

♪ I pulled up to a house
about 7:00 or 8:00 ♪

♪ And I yelled to the cabbie
yo homes smell you later ♪

♪ Looked at my kingdom
I was finally there ♪

♪ To sit on my throne
as the prince of Bel-Air ♪

Look. Now, this is a really good
picture of him.

- Who's he?
- His name is Little T.

Uh, you know, that kid singer.

He's not just a kid singer.

He's the coolest, cutest guy
in the universe.

[scoffs]
Some would beg to differ.

I've been reading all about him.
Listen to this.

"He loves video games,
cheeseburgers and basketball.

He hates rainy days,
anchovies and phony people."

He is so deep.

You're tellin' me. He like
all the same stuff I like.

God, I'd love to meet him
someday. I wonder what I'd say.

How about, "Hold the anchovies?"

[laughing]

Very funny, Carlton.

You know, it's just because you
have never really been in love.

I don't like the ugly turn
this is taking.

Carlton,
what are you talking about?

I just don't think it's healthy

that Ashley's so boy-crazy.

I mean, shouldn't she be playing
with those toy ponies

with the pink hair?

Carlton, it's just puppy love.

Don't you remember
your first crush?

Yeah. It was Tootie
in "The Facts Of Life."

Wait. You-you had
a love thing for Tootie?

When did you get over it?

What do you mean, "Get over it?"

I'd still love to meet her
someday.

I wonder what I'd say.

How about,
"Hello, Tootie. I'm Fruity?"

Just because
you've never been in love..

Well, I've got the perfect idea
for Ashley's birthday present.

- What's that, sweetheart?
- I know Little T's agent.

He used to go out
with my friend, Jennifer.

I'll bet he could get Ashley
a front-row seat

at Little T's next concert.

Listen, Hilary,
if you know his agent

uh, you can get somethin'
twice as good as that.

Oh! Two seats!

Let me walk you
through this one.

Tomorrow
is Ashley's birthday party.

Ashley has a crush
on Little T.

Birthday party. Little T.
Birthday party. Little T.

Something beginning to gel here?

Oh, wouldn't it be nice
if Little T

came to Ashley's
birthday party?

Hm. That would be so cute.

Will everybody please be quiet?
I'm trying to think.

[instrumental music]

Cousin Hilary, this party
has been goin' on for an
hour.

When is Little T gonna get here?

Well, you know nothing
about celebrities.

They always come to parties
fashionably late.

And for a celebrity,
being an hour late

is like being
a half an hour early.

Yeah? Well, if he's not here
15 minutes ago, that's his butt.

Hi, kids. I'm Tidy the Clown.

We are going to play
a new game.

It's called Clean Up After
Your Spoiled Little Selves.

- Mom, dad, make him stop!
- What's the matter, baby?

Oh, come on,
a clown at a birthday party?

- It's so babyish.
- No, no, it's cool, Ashley.

I'm about to get this party
started right.

Alright, kids, check it out.

I'm Ashley's cousin, Will,
right?

And I'm about to hip y'all
to this new style of dancin'.

It's called dumb dancin', right?

And no matter what you do

you got to have a serious mug

goin' the whole time, right?

So y'all peep this here.

[music on stereo]

Alright, here, go on, go on.
Now you give it a try.

Yeah, like that'll be happenin'.

Yeah, man,
who invited the old guy?

My brother,
you want to take this outside?

Will, will you cut it out?
You are wrecking the party.

I mean, this stuff is for
babies. Clowns, dance contests.

Hi, kids. Prepare to be amazed.

It's time
for the great Carltoni!

I wish I was never born.

Oh, great.
Now, that's Little T's agent.

Yeah, I was the only one
who thought

"Home Alone" would make money,
yeah, that was me.

[chuckles]
Oh, got to go.

- Lee.
- Hilary.

Listen, sorry I'm late,
but I was just at Goldie's house

and Goldie and Chevy
and Mel were there and..

It just turned into a thing
and, uh, you know..

A-as usual, I had to straighten
it out, right? But, you know..

Uh, exactly.

Well, is Little T here?

Hey, would I lie to you?

[clicks tongue]

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday ♪

♪ Dear Ashley ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Happy birthday, Ashley.

[thuds]

[instrumental music]

Are you feeling better?

I can't believe I just did that.
This is so embarrassing.

- It's not so bad.
- Oh, come on.

You know, I've always been
planning on things to say

if I ever got a chance
to meet you.

And then I finally meet you,
and I don't even make a
sound.

Well, I don't know about that.

You made a pretty good thud
when you hit the ground.

Did I really? Oh, God,
I can't even faint right.

Oh, come on, you mean to tell me

this was
the most embarrassing thing

that's ever happened to you?

- Well, I guess not.
- Then what was?

I can't tell you.
It's too embarrassing.

Well, I'll tell you
my most embarrassing moment.

I was dressing for gym class
during a fire drill

and I had to run out
of the building in my drawers.

Okay, okay, I'll tell you mine.

It was the Honor Day
assembly,
right?

And I was sitting with my
legs
crossed for the whole time.

And when they called out my name
for the English Award

I stood up,
started to walk across the stage

only, my leg was asleep.

And then, thwap!
I fell flat on my face.

You know, come to think of
it

most of my embarrassing moments

involve me hitting the
floor.

You're really funny.
You're really cool, too.

- Who, me?
- Yeah.

Well, look, I've got to go.

Sorry we didn't have
more time to talk.

I mean, what with you
being unconscious and all.

Oh..

- Okay, well, thanks for coming.
- Sure.

Look, you want to go out
sometime?

Who, me?

Well, I thought maybe we'd go
out for pizza tomorrow night.

I mean, if you're free.

Well, I'd have to check my
calendar, but I think I'm free.

Okay, then can I come
around 7:00?

- Okay.
- Okay, then.

Okay.

- I guess I'll go now.
- Oh, okay.

- I'll walk you to the door.
- Okay.

Okay.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

[instrumental music]

I'm hungry. Hilary,
would you like a sandwich?

No, thanks, mom.
I'm just too excited.

I can never eat before
a big date. Do I look okay?

Hilary, it's not even your date.
It's Ashley's date.

Yeah, but still, do I look okay?

Hilary, baby, calm down.

Oh, I'm sorry, mom,
it's-it's just that this is

the most exciting day
in a girl's life!

I mean, it's Ashley's first
date, and it's with a celebrity!

[chuckles]
It is so gratifying to see her
developing the right values.

- Oh, oh..
- Oh, oh..

Oh, guys, don't do that.

- What?
- You know, sigh like that.

You make me feel like Benji
or something.

[sighs]
Okay, okay, we're just excited,
that's all. We'll calm down.

Thanks. Could you make sure
my hair is okay?

Sure.

Thank you. Well, I'm gonna
go
in the living room.

And wait for Little T.

Oh, just a second. Baby..

I just wanna get one picture.

Oh, mom, not the camcorder.

But, sweetheart,
this is your first date.

Oh, come on, Ashley. This only
happens once in your life.

Thank God!

Okay, now turn around
so we can see your pretty dress.

Go back out and come in again
the way you did.

- Mom!
- Go on..

Hilary, baby, you sit there
drinking your coffee

the way you were.

Okay.

Oh! That was great.

No, no, no, no, mom.
Let's do it again.

I wasn't happy with what I did.

Ashley, go back out again.

Guys, will you cut it out?
You're driving me crazy!

Now, he's a very special boy

and I don't wanna be so nervous
that I mess things up.

In case you don't remember,
this is my first date.

[laughing]

Hey, look,
I'm tellin' you, Uncle Phil

he kissed her
right on her mouth.

It was really
more on the cheek, Will.

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but he was aiming

for her mouth and he missed.

The kid is not only
aggressive

but he's inaccurate, and that's

a dangerous combination.

You guys are getting
all worked up over nothing.

He's just a 13-year-old boy.

L-look, Uncle Phil, you
don't
understand. This is serious.

I know what goes on in the mind
of a 13-year-old boy.

Considering you still have
the mind of a 13-year-old boy.

Will's got a good point, dad.

When I was 13, I harbored
some pretty impure thoughts

about Tootie.

Look, I wasn't thrilled
about her going out

in the first place.

She's only 12.

But she had her heart set on it.

Besides, the kid's agent's
gonna be chaperoning.

So what could possibly happen?

[doorbell ringing]

Uh-huh, that's them.

This discussion is at an end.

Master T and Mr. Lee Cohen.

Hey, you're English.

You know,
I represent some English bands.

- You ever heard of Duran Duran?
- Why, yes.

Yeah, well, when they came
to me, they were just Duran.

I added the second Duran,
and, bang-o!

You must be so, so proud.

Hi, Mr. Banks.

I brought some flowers
for Ashley.

Oh, now, that's sweet.

Isn't that sweet, Will, Carlton?

- Yeah, real sweet.
- Mm-hmm.

- This evening should be fun.
- Oh, I hope it will be, son.

Here, Ashley's in the kitchen.
Why don't you join her?

Great.

[chuckles]
Isn't that sweet?

I mean, he seems really excited
about his first date.

First date? Huh. Dream on.

- First date today, maybe.
- Pardon me?

When that kid's on tour,
he's gotta beat

the chicks away with a stick.

I wish I had a piece
of that action, huh?

- Hm. "Action."
- Isn't that sweet?

Well, you kids have a great time
at the pizza place.

- We will.
- Oh, did you hear that?

[clicks tongue]
"We will."

Alright, kids. Let's party!

Okay, sweetie. Bye-bye.
Have a good time.

- Buh-bye.
- Have fun, you guys.

- Alright.
- Buh-bye.

- 'Bye!'
- Bye!

[chuckles]

- Follow 'em.
- Out.

[instrumental music]

Now, when I first read
the script of "Pretty Woman"

it was called
"Attractive Woman."

[scoffs]
And I said, "Come on, guys

let's go all the way with this."

So, uh, they changed the title,
and bang-o!

So what's your favorite
video game?

- Tetris.
- Me, too!

Oh, I brought my Game Boy.

- So you wanna play?
- Uh, okay.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Uh-oh, he's got his arm
around her already.

Yeah, that's the same arm
I used when I was 13.

[scoffs]
It's that love arm.

We better work fast. Let's roll.

Hey, Ashley, Little T,
what's goin' on?

What are you two doing here?

Well, Uncle Phil got hungry

so he sent us out
to pick up a dozen pizzas.

Hey, Ashley,
can I speak to you for a minute?

Excuse me.

What do you want?

Don't get upset,
but it's your hair.

It's doing a weird
kind of bird's nest thing.

You might wanna get a hairbrush
and fix it or something.

I'll be right back.

I'mma be straight with you.

You're going out
with my little cousin.

- You better not try nothing!
- Huh?

Uh, don't-don't-don't-don't
give me that innocent role.

I know what you people
in the music business are like.

Makes me sick!

Sorry, but I don't know
what you're talking about.

Oh..

Perhaps this will refresh
your memory.

From the current issue
of "Right On" magazine.

There's a picture of you
at the recent Soul Train Awards.

Maybe you'd be kind enough
to tell us

who this bimbo is on your arm.

That's my mom.

Uh, sorry.

Wow!

Okay, alright,
alright, alright, look

you covered yourself on that one

but what about this girlie
action you been gettin' on tour?

Your agent told me all about it.

[laughs]
Do you believe my agent?

Man, he lies about everything.

He told me I could have a career
in singing.

Look, guys,
with all the recording

touring, and my homework

I haven't had any time
for girls.

To tell you the truth,
this is my first real date.

[blows raspberry]
I knew that.

I just brought Carlton down
'cause I had to prove it to him.

Let's go.

Carlton, I looked at my hair
and it was fine.

Now, if you two don't mind

I'd like to continue
with my date alone.

- Okay, we're going.
- Check you later, Ash.

[sighs]

What was that all about?

I don't know.
Don't worry about it.

So you want to play
some more Tetris?

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm really having
a good time, Ashley.

So am I.

(both)
Oh..

[instrumental music]

I don't believe you, Philip.

Sending Will and Carlton
to spy on your own daughter?

So what's wrong with that?
She is my daughter.

- I'd do it again, dammit.
- Yo, word to big bird.

Just say the word and we there,
Uncle Phil.

But this was such a big night
for Ashley.

And mom and I
were so happy for her.

What got into you guys?

I know it was a big night
for her.

I knew it had to come sometime.

I just didn't think
it would come so soon.

She's really growing up.

I guess it's time for us to stop
butting into her life so much.

No, it's not!

Hi, everybody.

How did it go?

I'm not going to talk about it.

Oh, come on! Please..

Okay. Well, he did kiss me.

[cheering]

- Oh..
- Oh..

I wanna hear all the details.

We'll pop some popcorn,
we'll do our nails

and you can tell me every single
thing that happened tonight.

I'd like a written copy
of that report.

Ashley, sweetie

when you walked in
from that date

with that smile on your face..

...that's a moment
I will always remember.

That's nice, mommy.

Could you go out and do it again
and I'll go get the camcorder?

- Mom..
- Okay, okay, just askin'.

[chuckles]
Goodnight.

Goodnight.

My little princess.

I cannot believe my little girl
went out on a real date tonight.

- He's a really nice guy, daddy.
- I know.

But there's something
you should know, sweetheart.

What?

I'm never gonna like anybody
you bring home.

Well, that's awfully fair
of you.

Well, it's not that
they're not good.

It's just that
nobody is good enough for you.

Goodnight, daddy.

[exhales sharply]

Uh, l-look, I'm just sorry
I wrecked your date, Ash.

You didn't, Will. It was the
most wonderful night of my life.

Really? Well, that's great.

And you know,
I think your second date

is gonna be even better,
'cause when you're 21

you can appreciate these things
a lot more.

Will, I'm going out with him
again next Saturday.

Well-well, well,
next Saturday I'm busy.

You're gonna
have to change that.

I know you're busy.
That's why I made it for
then.

- Goodnight, Will.
- Goodnight, Ash.

Well, you should try
bein' a rapper

'cause like when you rappin',
you mess up the words

and make up some new ones
right there on the spot.

So let's-let's try this,
I'll sing one line

and you make up a line
to rhyme it.

- Okay.
- Alright. Let's see. Alright.

♪ You didn't get
into Ms. Berkley's chorus ♪

- I'm thinking, alright?
- Alright. We got all day.

- Okay, I've-I've got it.
- Alright, here we go.

♪ You didn't get
into Ms. Berkley's chorus ♪

♪ I'd like to hit her in the
head with "Roget's Thesaurus" ♪

♪ Yeah don't need no choir
when you're a rapper ♪

♪ Gonna hunt Ms. Berkley down
and zap her ♪

♪ Got this whole town of Bel-Air
buzzing ♪

♪ Get a load of me
and my rapping cousin ♪

Yeah, you're right, homes..

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪♪