The Flying Nun (1967–1970): Season 1, Episode 11 - It's an Ill Wind - full transcript
The Reverend Mother is speaking at an educational seminar in St. Thomas, and has forgotten her notes. Sisters Bertrille and Jacqueline brainstorm about how to get the information to her. ...
[barking]
(Jacqueline) VISITORS TO SAN JUAN
ALWAYS SEEM TO USE THE SAME WORDS
WHEN THEY TRY TO
DESCRIBE OUR CONVENT:
OLD WORLD,
TRADITIONAL, TRANQUIL.
THAT OF COURSE WAS BEFORE
THE ARRIVAL OF SISTER BERTRILLE.
I SHALL NEVER FORGET THE DAY I
WAS ASSISTING OUR REVEREND MOTHER
PRIOR TO HER DEPARTURE
FOR AN EDUCATIONAL SEMINAR
ON THE ISLAND OF ST. THOMAS.
ALL THE SISTERS' CLASS RESUMES
HAD BEEN PROMPTLY SUBMITTED,
WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ONE.
YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO
TAKE MY RESUME WITH YOU?
(Rev. Mother) YES, OF COURSE.
COME ALONG, SISTER BERTRILLE, MY
PLANE LEAVES IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.
OK, REVEREND MOTHER. NINOS.
[clapping]
SISTER BERTRILLE, YOUR
CLASS WORK RESUME.
OH, WELL, THIS IS
IT. OR THEY ARE IT.
YOU MUST REMEMBER WHAT
MARSHALL MACLUHAN SAYS.
ALL I NEED IS A
CONVENTIONAL RESUME,
SOMETHING THAT I CAN
TAKE WITH ME TO ST. THOMAS.
BUT REVEREND MOTHER, THE...
THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE.
TEACHERS MUST FORGET THE
OLD METHODS OF TEACHING.
JUST INSTRUCTING
THE KIDS ISN'T ENOUGH.
WE MUST INVOLVE THEM. WATCH.
NINOS, LESSON NUMBER 1.
HEY, HUP.
[chanting] HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP.
HEY, HUP, HEY, HUP,
HEY, HUP, HUP, HUP.
[clears throat]
CLEANLINESS IS
NEXT TO GODLINESS?
NO. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS
DISCOVERS PUERTO RICO,
AT THE NINA, THE PINTA AND THE
SANTA MARIA AND CHRIS HIMSELF.
[laughing] OH.
SISTER BERTRILLE.
REVEREND MOTHER,
YOU MUST SEE THIS ONE.
NINOS, LESSON NUMBER 2.
I HAVE SEEN QUITE
ENOUGH, SISTER BERTRILLE.
BUT REVEREND MOTHER,
THIS IS THE BEST ONE.
THIS IS WHERE SIMON BOLIVAR
LIBERATES SOUTH AMERICA.
HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO LIBERATE
IT WITHOUT ME TODAY I'M AFRAID.
READY, SISTER JACQUELINE?
BUT REVEREND MOTHER, MAYBE IF THE
COMMITTEE COULD SEE MY DEMONSTRATION...
THEY MIGHT VERY WELL
RECOMMEND CLOSING THE SCHOOL.
NOW THEN, UH, SISTER BERTRILLE,
CAN'T YOU CONFINE YOUR,
UH, EXPERIMENTAL WORK
TO THE KINDERGARTEN?
AND WHILE I'M AWAY,
I AM PUTTING YOU ON YOUR HONOR
TO BEHAVE WITH SOME DIGNITY.
YES, REVEREND MOTHER.
IN EVERY SENSE OF THAT
WORD. UNDERSTOOD?
UNDERSTOOD.
GOOD. BYE-BYE,
CHILDREN. SEE YOU SOON.
(children) BYE, REVEREND MOTHER.
IT'S VERY GOOD.
[sighing]
[children clamoring]
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, KIDS, I GUESS
SOUTH AMERICA WASN'T LIBERATED IN A DAY.
[chanting] HEY, HUP, HUP.
REVEREND MOTHER'S SPEECH?
I LIFTED UP THE
SAILS OF THE NINA...
SANTA MARIA.
ALL HER FACTS AND FIGURES,
HER CLASS WORK RESUMES,
SHE'S DEPENDING ON THEM.
OH, SWELL.
SHE'S PROBABLY MISSED
THE ENVELOPE BY NOW.
OH, AND SHE'S SCHEDULED TO
SPEAK AT THAT DINNER TONIGHT.
SO WE'LL HAVE TO GET IT TO HER.
WELL HOW? ST. THOMAS IS HOURS
AWAY BY BOAT, EVEN IF WE HAD A BOAT.
WELL, SIMPLE.
CARLOS RAMIREZ
HAS A PRIVATE PLANE.
WELL, WHY SHOULD HE FLY THE
REVEREND MOTHER'S SPEECH
ALL THE WAY TO ST. THOMAS
JUST BECAUSE YOU ASK HIM TO?
BECAUSE HE'S MUCH TOO GENEROUS,
CONSIDERATE AND UNSELFISH
TO SAY ANYTHING BUT YES.
NO. (Bertrille) BUT, CARLOS...
NO. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
I NO LONGER RISE
TO THEM, SISTER.
I JUST LIE QUIETLY AND
WAIT FOR THEM TO GO AWAY.
BUT IT'LL ONLY TAKE YOU
A FEW HOURS... NO, NO.
TO FLY TO ST. THOMAS AND
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH... NO, NO!
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO FINALIZE
A VERY IMPORTANT AGREEMENT.
WELL, MAYBE SHE'D ENJOY
FLYING TO ST. THOMAS.
SHE IS FROM ST. THOMAS.
OH? CARLOS, I HAVE TO GET THERE.
[whispering] LISTEN.
WHAT?
YOU AND I KNOW
THAT YOU DON'T NEED A PLANE
TO FLY TO ST. THOMAS, RIGHT?
HAPPY LANDINGS, SISTER.
HAVE A NICE FLIGHT.
(Jacqueline)
CONSIDERING THE FACT
THAT SHE HAD NO
CHOICE IN THE MATTER,
SISTER BERTRILLE CONCLUDED THAT
A WORD TO THE WISE WAS SUFFICIENT.
SO, FLY SHE DID.
BY AFTERNOON, SISTER
BERTRILLE REALIZED
THAT THE USE OF HER
NATURAL INSTINCTS
COUPLED WITH THE NAVIGATIONAL
TECHNOLOGY OF A COMPASS
ADDED UP TO JUST ONE
THING: SHE WAS LOST.
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE,
THE WIND SEEMED TO BE DYING.
THERE WAS CONSIDERABLY
MORE DRAG THAN THRUST.
PROVIDENTIALLY, IN THE DISTANCE,
SHE SPOTTED A SMALL ISLAND.
HER ONLY PROBLEM
WAS GETTING THERE
BEFORE THE FAILING WINDS
SENT HER DOWN IN A FINAL SPIN.
GENTLEMEN, THE
WHOLE WORLD IS OURS,
IF WE HAVE THE COURAGE
TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT.
WE DO THE WORK.
24 HOURS A DAY,
POLICIN' THE CASINOS,
OPERATIN' THE WIRE,
CHECKIN' OUT THE
NUMBERS TAKE, FIXIN' A RACE,
BUYIN' OFF A POLITICIAN,
IT NEVER STOPS.
WE DO THE WORK,
WHO GETS THE PROFITS?
HERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
I HAD COPIES MADE FOR ALL OF US.
THE MONEY THE ORGANIZATION
TOOK IN LAST YEAR
AND WHERE MOST OF IT WENT,
RIGHT INTO THE POCKETS OF
THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS.
NO MORE.
WE WORK FOR IT. WE KEEP IT.
TALC, THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS
AIN'T GONNA LET US KEEP IT.
IF THEY KNEW THAT WE WERE
HAVIN' THIS MEETIN' WITHOUT THEM,
THEY'D HAND LOUIE LARUE A
CONTRACT TO WIPE OUT ALL OF US.
SURE, THAT'S WHY WE
GIVE LOUIE A CONTRACT
TO HIT THEM BEFORE THEY HIT US.
[all laughing]
LOUIE'S FLYING IN
THIS AFTERNOON.
WE'LL SET THE DEAL
WHEN HE GETS HERE.
TALC, THIS ISN'T THE '30's.
I'M A RESPECTED MAN.
I OWN A GENUINE
PICASSO, HAND PAINTED.
YOU SAID YOU WANTED A
BIGGER SHARE OF THE TAKE.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO GET IT, UNITY.
THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS PROBABLY
KNOW ABOUT THIS MEETIN' ALREADY.
LOOK, IT'S EITHER THEM OR US.
YOU START FEELING TENDERHEARTED
FOR THE SCHWIMMERS,
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT
THEY'VE BEEN DOING TO US.
TALC IS RIGHT.
THE SCHWIMMERS WOULD
CHEAT THEIR OWN MOTHER
IF SHE WASN'T DOIN' TIME.
(Joe) IT'S THE
SCHWIMMERS, OR US.
(Beaumont) WELL, AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, THERE'S NO CHOICE.
I THINK WE OUGHT TO
HAVE A SHOW OF HANDS.
DON'T YOU, TALC?
TALC?
TALC!
WHAT?
DON'T YOU THINK WE OUGHT
TO HAVE A SHOW OF HANDS
ON WHO'S FOR LIQUIDATING
THE SCHWIMMERS?
(Moon) WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU, TALC?
THE MATTER?
(Talc) WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH ME?
WELL, UH, ALL OF A SUDDEN
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
IT'S THE HEAT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
TAKE A FEW MINUTES BREAK?
IT'S THE PRESSURE.
IN THIS BUSINESS, IT'S
ALWAYS THE PRESSURE.
IF A HEART ATTACK DOESN'T
GET YOU, LOUIE LARUE WILL.
I MAKE A MOTION THE
MEETING BE ADJOURNED.
MEETING ADJOURNED. ADJOURNED.
[sighs]
(Bertrille) LOOK OUT BELOW!
HI, BOY, AM I GLAD...
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU GOT A TRICK KNEE?
WELL, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THOSE. MY
BROTHER USED TO HAVE ONE, FOOTBALL.
HERE, LET ME HELP
YOU UP. COME ON.
[exclaims]
[sighs]
YOU'RE... YOU'RE SOLID.
OH, THANKS.
MY NAME IS SISTER BERTRILLE.
I SAW YOU. YOU DID?
I REALLY SAW YOU, YOU...
OH, THAT'S NOTHING SPECIAL.
YOUR KNEE AGAIN?
WELL, MY BROTHER USED TO
WEAR AN ELASTIC BRACE ON HIS.
MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO.
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A BOAT
THAT COULD GET ME TO ST. THOMAS?
NOT A SINGLE BOAT
ON THE WHOLE ISLAND?
I AM SORRY, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
BERTRILLE. SISTER BERTRILLE.
HOW ABOUT A RADIO?
YEAH, A RADIO, GREAT. WELL, MAYBE
WE CAN TRY A WEATHER REPORT.
IT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING,
THE WIND JUST DIED ON ME.
BOY, YOU REALLY OUGHT TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT KNEE.
HERE.
(radio announcer) FOR THE ST.
THOMAS AND ST. JOHN ISLANDS,
THE FORECAST IS FOR CLEAR AND
CALM THIS AFTERNOON AND TONIGHT
WITH FRESHENING
EASTERLY WINDS TOMORROW.
TOMORROW.
A LOW PRESSURE FRONT IS
MOVING FROM THE SOUTHEAST.
[sighing]
YOU SAID YOU DON'T HAVE A BOAT?
WELL, THEN HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
OH, UH, WE USED A
PLANE, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
BUT IT WON'T BE BACK
TILL THIS EVENING.
[sighing] OH, THIS EVENING.
WELL, THAT DOES IT. I GUESS
THIS IS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
I MEAN GOOD INTENTIONS
JUST AREN'T ENOUGH.
IT'S WHAT YOU DO OR
DON'T DO THAT COUNTS.
YES, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
BUT THERE'S STILL A
CHANCE, ISN'T THERE?
I... I MEAN, IT ISN'T TOO LATE?
WELL, THERE'S NOT
VERY MUCH TIME.
OF COURSE, IF
THERE WAS A CHANGE.
THERE'S GONNA BE.
THAT'S A... THAT'S A PROMISE.
DO UNTO THE OTHER GUY
AS YOU WOULD HAVE THE
OTHER GUY DO UNTO YOU.
HUH, YOUR SAINTLINESS?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OF COURSE, BUT IT'S JUST
PLAIN OLD SISTER BERTRILLE.
NOW, WHO DID WE
GIVE NORTH DAKOTA TO?
GENTLEMEN.
AH.
WE WERE JUST GONNA SEND
OUT A SEARCH PARTY FOR YOU.
YEAH, I THOUGHT MAYBE THE
SCHWIMMER BROTHERS HAD GOT YOU.
[laughing] THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT.
WITH WHAT?
THE SHOW OF HANDS.
DO WE GIVE LOUIE LARUE A CONTRACT
TO WIPE OUT THE SCHWIMMERS OR NOT?
FELLAS, WE'VE FORGOTTEN THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL.
LIKE WHAT?
THE GOLDEN RULE.
DO UNTO THE OTHER GUY
WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE
THE OTHER GUY DO UNTO YOU.
YOU BEEN HITTING THE JUICE?
WHAT'S HAPPENED, TALC?
I'VE HAD A VISION.
SHE'S BEEN SENT TO SAVE US.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT,
BUT THERE'S STILL A
CHANCE, IF WE CHANGE.
WHAT KIND OF A SONG
AND DANCE IS THIS?
I'LL SHOW YOU.
WHAT DOES HE MEAN
HE SAW A VISION?
(Fremling) FIRST HE'S
PUSHING THE CONTRACT,
THEN HE'S GIVING
US THE GOLDEN RULE.
I GOTTA GOLDEN RULE FOR HIM.
IF WE DON'T DO UNTO
THE SCHWIMMERS,
THEY'RE GONNA DO UNTO US.
HI.
LOUIE, YOU KNOW THOSE
HOKEY DISGUISES NEVER WORK.
(Talc) COME IN, PLEASE.
SHE'S A GIRL.
THANK YOU. I'M SISTER BERTRILLE
FROM THE CONVENT SAN TANCO.
SHE REMINDS ME
OF ROSE TUPPERMAN.
YOU KNOW, MANNIE
TUPPERMAN'S SISTER.
HOW'D SHE GET HERE?
SHE FLEW IN.
I DIDN'T HEAR NO PLANE.
NOT IN A PLANE.
IN A BALLOON?
NO.
SHE JUST FLEW
DOWN OUT OF THE SKY.
ON THE TAIL OF COCK ROBIN.
HOW DID SHE REALLY GET HERE?
YOUR SAINTLINESS, TELL THEM.
DIDN'T YOU FLY IN?
UH, SISTER BERTRILLE.
AND I DID FLY,
BUT YOU SEE, THERE'S A
PERFECTLY SIMPLE EXPLANATION.
UH, IT... IT PARTLY HAS TO DO WITH MY
CORNETTE AND PARTLY THE WIND VELOCITY.
IF YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING
ABOUT AERODYNAMICS...
I SAW HER WITH MY OWN
EYES. IT'S VERY SIMPLE,
ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND THE
PRINCIPLE. I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT AT FIRST.
I STILL DON'T BELIEVE
IT. PEOPLE DON'T FLY.
SHE ISN'T PEOPLE.
YOU SEE, I WAS ON
MY WAY TO ST. THOMAS
TO DELIVER THIS ENVELOPE. WE
WERE ABOUT TO LET THE CONTRACT
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET
THIS ENVELOPE... ON THE SCHWIMMERS.
I LOOKED OUT AND THERE SHE
WAS FLYING DOWN OUT OF THE SKY.
YES, RIGHT, I'D BEEN LOSING
ALTITUDE FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES.
AND WHEN I WENT OUTSIDE,
SHE FLOATED OVER THE TREES.
YES. I... I CAUGHT A STRAIGHT
UPDRAFT BUT IT DIDN'T LAST.
AND LANDED THERE
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
THEY NEVER LAST, I TELL YOU.
IT'S A SIGN. A WARNING. YOU KNOW.
"REPENT ERE IT IS TOO LATE."
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
TO REPENT, BUT IT MAY
BE TOO LATE ALREADY.
STAY CLOSE TO ME AND
PLAY IT COOL, UNDERSTAND?
SURE, SURE. BUT
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK ONE OF 2 WAYS.
TALC IS UP TO SOMETHING
OR HE'S FLIPPED.
EITHER WAY WE'RE
IN TERRIBLE TROUBLE.
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
SHUT UP AND LET ME
THINK, THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
DON'T SAY IT.
DON'T SAY WHAT?
DON'T SAY WHATEVER YOU WERE GONNA SAY
ABOUT TALC AND HER, UH, HER SAINTLINESS.
YEAH, BUT, JOEY,
YOU GOT TO ADMIT...
YOU GOT ANY CHOICES?
LOOK, TALC MUST
KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.
JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
AND DO LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.
(both) WHATEVER TALC WANTS.
♪ [piano playing]
HI. COME IN.
HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING
ABOUT THE PLANE YET?
NO.
OH, I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS,
BUT I HAVE TO GET
TO ST. THOMAS SOON
SO I CAN GET MY CONNECTIONS
BACK TO SAN JUAN.
WELL, IT SHOULD BE HERE
VERY SOON, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
OH, GOOD. AND JUST
SISTER BERTRILLE, PLEASE.
WHAT HUMILITY.
UH, WELL WE WERE JUST ALL
SITTING AROUND HERE MEDITATING.
OH.
SOMEBODY WALKED AWAY
FROM A BEAUTIFUL SETUP. MIND?
NO.
NICE PLACE YOU HAVE.
YES.
HI.
HI, SISTER.
I JUST LOVE MUSIC, DON'T YOU?
OH, YES.
I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT MY GUITAR,
BUT IT PROBABLY WOULD
HAVE IMPEDED BY AIRFLOW.
PLAY SOMETHING HER
SAINTLINESS WOULD LIKE.
UH, SISTER BERTRILLE.
I'D LIKE ANYTHING.
WELL... WELL... WELL, I... I DON'T
KNOW ANY RELIGIOUS SONGS,
EXCEPT I KNOW THIS.
♪ [playing piano]
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT KEY
BUT THE WRONG CHURCH.
OH, THAT'S OK. I'M
VERY ECUMENICAL.
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
GOOD, SISTER.
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
COME ON.
(all) ♪ BRINGING
IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
HEY!
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Bertrille) YEAH.
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Bertrille) HEY!
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Talc) THAT'S GREAT.
GROOVY.
LOUIE, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
THIS IS LOUIE LARUE,
YOUR SAINTLINESS.
HE WAS A BOY SOPRANO.
OH, MARVELOUS.
WELCOME TO THE GROUP.
LOOK, I DIDN'T COME 3,000
MILES TO JOIN A SING-A-LONG.
NOW, WHO'S THIS CHICK?
LISTEN, A LITTLE RESPECT.
TALC, SUPPOSE YOU
LET ME EXPLAIN TO LOUIE
HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE
HER SAINTLINESS HERE FLEW IN.
OK, MOON. YOU DO THAT.
NOW, LET'S TRY
THAT HYMN AGAIN. OK.
TAKE IT FROM THE TOP, BOYS.
♪ [piano playing]
(all) ♪ BRINGING
IN THE SHEAVES ♪
NOW, WHAT'S WITH TALC AND
THAT FLORENCE NIGHTGOWN?
I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU
ON THE WAY TO SAN JUAN.
SAN JUAN?
LISTEN, DO I GET A CONTRACT,
OR DO I NOT GET A CONTRACT?
LOUIE, TRUST ME. TRUST ME.
TRUST YOU.
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Joe) GREAT, GREAT.
(Bertrille) LET'S HEAR IT.
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
[plane engine roars] ♪
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING ♪
WHY...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR
FRIENDS WOULD JUST TAKE OFF
AND LEAVE YOU STRANDED
HERE. WILL THEY BE BACK?
OH, SURE. THEY'LL BE BACK.
GEE, I WISH THERE WERE A BREEZE.
TALC, YOU KNOW MOON IS GOING
TO THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS.
THE SCHWIMMERS ARE GONNA
COME ROARING OUT WITH LOUIE.
AND WE'LL ALL HAVE
LOVELY FUNERALS.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE HER FLY.
COULD SHE TEACH US?
OF COURSE NOT.
YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING
LIKE THAT TILL YOU GO TO...
UP THERE,
AFTER YOU DIE.
TOMORROW.
♪ [music playing]
WE'RE GONNA FIND TALC
AND THOSE OTHER FINKS.
(Angie) WHETHER
YOU HELP US OR NOT.
IF I KNEW WHERE
THEY WERE MEETING,
I-I'D TELL YOU, MR. SCHWIMMER.
YOU TOO, MR. SCHWIMMER.
I'M A VERY COOPERATIVE GUY.
IT PAYS.
LOOK, WHY SHOULD I LIE?
TO SAVE YOUR SKIN.
IF THAT'S THE CASE, I'D TELL YOU
WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU LIED TO US, RAMIREZ...
START FIGURING
YOUR ESTATE TAXES.
WELL, MR. EDWARDS, I WANT TO
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE
LEAVING US, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
WELL, ALL SIGNALS ARE GO.
GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
HEY, YOU GUYS, HER
SAINTLINESS IS LEAVING.
WHO'S WATCHING THE STORE?
[engine droning]
[crashing]
[Joe and Beaumont laughing]
HUH? NO.
HER SAINTLINESS WOULD WANT
US TO BE GOOD SAMARITANS.
COME ON.
YOUR COMPLETELY UNDISCIPLINED
PERFORMANCE SO DISTRACTED ME
THAT I LEFT SAN TANCO WITHOUT
THE NOTES FOR MY SPEECH.
THEN, YOU TOTALLY
DISREGARDED MY ORDERS
TO COMPORT YOURSELF WITH
DIGNITY AND YOU TOOK TO THE AIR.
BUT SISTER WAS ONLY TRYING
TO SAVE YOU EMBARRASSMENT,
REVEREND MOTHER.
SHE HAS NO TALENT
WHATSOEVER IN THAT DIRECTION.
BUT HER INTENTIONS WERE VERY...
SISTER JACQUELINE, I DID NOT
APPOINT YOU DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.
NO, REVEREND MOTHER.
WILL YOU PLEASE
FILE THESE PAPERS?
YES, REVEREND MOTHER.
NOW THEN, UH, SISTER BERTRILLE,
YOU MUST LEARN THAT 2
WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.
AND GOOD INTENTIONS
ARE NOT THE BEST MATERIAL
FOR BUILDING A VOCATION.
(Jacqueline) REVEREND MOTHER.
SISTER JACQUELINE,
I ASKED YOU...
BUT REVEREND MOTHER,
THESE ARE NOT YOUR NOTES
OR THE CLASSROOM REPORTS.
THIS SEEMS TO BE A VERY
DETAILED FINANCIAL STATEMENT
OF A LARGE ORGANIZATION.
OH, DEAR. WITH INTERESTS IN LAS
VEGAS, NEW ORLEANS, CHICAGO...
IT MUST BELONG TO
MR. EDWARDS, ...NEW YORK, LONDON,
I GUESS I PICKED UP
THE WRONG ENVELOPE.
AMSTERDAM, NICE... BUT DON'T
WORRY, REVEREND MOTHER,
BECAUSE I'LL GET YOUR
NOTES BACK. I PROMISE.
ISTANBUL, HONG KONG, LOS
ANGELES, AND SAN JUAN. SAN JUAN?
THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME
CONNECTION WITH GAMBLING.
GAMBLING? UH, SISTER BERTRILLE,
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE
YOU TO FLY BACK TO THAT ISLAND.
OH, NOT A CHANCE,
REVEREND MOTHER.
THAT'S HOW I GOT INTO THIS MESS.
I'LL CALL CARLOS RAMIREZ BECAUSE HE
KNOWS ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT GAMBLING,
AND I'M SURE IF THIS IS
SOMETHING IMPORTANT,
HE WON'T MIND TAKING
IT BACK TO MR. EDWARDS
AND AT THE SAME TIME HE CAN PICK UP
YOUR NOTES AND THEN BRING IT TO YOU
AND THEN THAT WOULD SQUARE
EVERYTHING AWAY, RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMEHOW I GET THE FEELING
THIS IS WHERE I WALKED IN.
(Jacqueline) SISTER
BERTRILLE'S DETERMINATION
TO RETURN THE PAPERS
TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER
LITERALLY TURNED
INTO A FEDERAL CASE.
HER CONCERN WAS NOTHING COMPARED
TO THAT OF SOME FEDERAL AGENTS,
WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE VISITING
SENOR RAMIREZ WHEN SHE CALLED.
THE REST IS HISTORY.
COME ON, CARLOS.
THERE'S NOTHING TO
BE NERVOUS ABOUT.
WELL, I'M NOT
NERVOUS. I AM... I'M SICK.
COME ON.
NOW, YOU STAY RIGHT
HERE, SISTER, JUST IN CASE.
RIGHT.
WE WANT TO TAKE
THEM BY SURPRISE.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT MR. EDWARDS AND HIS FRIENDS.
WHY IF I... I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU GOT OFF THIS ISLAND ALIVE.
WHY THAT BUNCH WOULD
KILL THEIR GRANDMOTHERS
IF THE PRICE WAS RIGHT.
BUT THEY WERE
PERFECT GENTLEMEN. I...
(men) ♪ WAITING, WAITING
FOR THE HARVEST ♪
♪ AND THE TIME OF REAPING ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Jacqueline) VISITORS TO SAN JUAN
ALWAYS SEEM TO USE THE SAME WORDS
WHEN THEY TRY TO
DESCRIBE OUR CONVENT:
OLD WORLD,
TRADITIONAL, TRANQUIL.
THAT OF COURSE WAS BEFORE
THE ARRIVAL OF SISTER BERTRILLE.
I SHALL NEVER FORGET THE DAY I
WAS ASSISTING OUR REVEREND MOTHER
PRIOR TO HER DEPARTURE
FOR AN EDUCATIONAL SEMINAR
ON THE ISLAND OF ST. THOMAS.
ALL THE SISTERS' CLASS RESUMES
HAD BEEN PROMPTLY SUBMITTED,
WITH THE EXCEPTION OF ONE.
YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO
TAKE MY RESUME WITH YOU?
(Rev. Mother) YES, OF COURSE.
COME ALONG, SISTER BERTRILLE, MY
PLANE LEAVES IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.
OK, REVEREND MOTHER. NINOS.
[clapping]
SISTER BERTRILLE, YOUR
CLASS WORK RESUME.
OH, WELL, THIS IS
IT. OR THEY ARE IT.
YOU MUST REMEMBER WHAT
MARSHALL MACLUHAN SAYS.
ALL I NEED IS A
CONVENTIONAL RESUME,
SOMETHING THAT I CAN
TAKE WITH ME TO ST. THOMAS.
BUT REVEREND MOTHER, THE...
THE MEDIUM IS THE MESSAGE.
TEACHERS MUST FORGET THE
OLD METHODS OF TEACHING.
JUST INSTRUCTING
THE KIDS ISN'T ENOUGH.
WE MUST INVOLVE THEM. WATCH.
NINOS, LESSON NUMBER 1.
HEY, HUP.
[chanting] HUP, HUP, HUP, HUP.
HEY, HUP, HEY, HUP,
HEY, HUP, HUP, HUP.
[clears throat]
CLEANLINESS IS
NEXT TO GODLINESS?
NO. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS
DISCOVERS PUERTO RICO,
AT THE NINA, THE PINTA AND THE
SANTA MARIA AND CHRIS HIMSELF.
[laughing] OH.
SISTER BERTRILLE.
REVEREND MOTHER,
YOU MUST SEE THIS ONE.
NINOS, LESSON NUMBER 2.
I HAVE SEEN QUITE
ENOUGH, SISTER BERTRILLE.
BUT REVEREND MOTHER,
THIS IS THE BEST ONE.
THIS IS WHERE SIMON BOLIVAR
LIBERATES SOUTH AMERICA.
HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO LIBERATE
IT WITHOUT ME TODAY I'M AFRAID.
READY, SISTER JACQUELINE?
BUT REVEREND MOTHER, MAYBE IF THE
COMMITTEE COULD SEE MY DEMONSTRATION...
THEY MIGHT VERY WELL
RECOMMEND CLOSING THE SCHOOL.
NOW THEN, UH, SISTER BERTRILLE,
CAN'T YOU CONFINE YOUR,
UH, EXPERIMENTAL WORK
TO THE KINDERGARTEN?
AND WHILE I'M AWAY,
I AM PUTTING YOU ON YOUR HONOR
TO BEHAVE WITH SOME DIGNITY.
YES, REVEREND MOTHER.
IN EVERY SENSE OF THAT
WORD. UNDERSTOOD?
UNDERSTOOD.
GOOD. BYE-BYE,
CHILDREN. SEE YOU SOON.
(children) BYE, REVEREND MOTHER.
IT'S VERY GOOD.
[sighing]
[children clamoring]
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, KIDS, I GUESS
SOUTH AMERICA WASN'T LIBERATED IN A DAY.
[chanting] HEY, HUP, HUP.
REVEREND MOTHER'S SPEECH?
I LIFTED UP THE
SAILS OF THE NINA...
SANTA MARIA.
ALL HER FACTS AND FIGURES,
HER CLASS WORK RESUMES,
SHE'S DEPENDING ON THEM.
OH, SWELL.
SHE'S PROBABLY MISSED
THE ENVELOPE BY NOW.
OH, AND SHE'S SCHEDULED TO
SPEAK AT THAT DINNER TONIGHT.
SO WE'LL HAVE TO GET IT TO HER.
WELL HOW? ST. THOMAS IS HOURS
AWAY BY BOAT, EVEN IF WE HAD A BOAT.
WELL, SIMPLE.
CARLOS RAMIREZ
HAS A PRIVATE PLANE.
WELL, WHY SHOULD HE FLY THE
REVEREND MOTHER'S SPEECH
ALL THE WAY TO ST. THOMAS
JUST BECAUSE YOU ASK HIM TO?
BECAUSE HE'S MUCH TOO GENEROUS,
CONSIDERATE AND UNSELFISH
TO SAY ANYTHING BUT YES.
NO. (Bertrille) BUT, CARLOS...
NO. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
I NO LONGER RISE
TO THEM, SISTER.
I JUST LIE QUIETLY AND
WAIT FOR THEM TO GO AWAY.
BUT IT'LL ONLY TAKE YOU
A FEW HOURS... NO, NO.
TO FLY TO ST. THOMAS AND
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH... NO, NO!
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO FINALIZE
A VERY IMPORTANT AGREEMENT.
WELL, MAYBE SHE'D ENJOY
FLYING TO ST. THOMAS.
SHE IS FROM ST. THOMAS.
OH? CARLOS, I HAVE TO GET THERE.
[whispering] LISTEN.
WHAT?
YOU AND I KNOW
THAT YOU DON'T NEED A PLANE
TO FLY TO ST. THOMAS, RIGHT?
HAPPY LANDINGS, SISTER.
HAVE A NICE FLIGHT.
(Jacqueline)
CONSIDERING THE FACT
THAT SHE HAD NO
CHOICE IN THE MATTER,
SISTER BERTRILLE CONCLUDED THAT
A WORD TO THE WISE WAS SUFFICIENT.
SO, FLY SHE DID.
BY AFTERNOON, SISTER
BERTRILLE REALIZED
THAT THE USE OF HER
NATURAL INSTINCTS
COUPLED WITH THE NAVIGATIONAL
TECHNOLOGY OF A COMPASS
ADDED UP TO JUST ONE
THING: SHE WAS LOST.
TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE,
THE WIND SEEMED TO BE DYING.
THERE WAS CONSIDERABLY
MORE DRAG THAN THRUST.
PROVIDENTIALLY, IN THE DISTANCE,
SHE SPOTTED A SMALL ISLAND.
HER ONLY PROBLEM
WAS GETTING THERE
BEFORE THE FAILING WINDS
SENT HER DOWN IN A FINAL SPIN.
GENTLEMEN, THE
WHOLE WORLD IS OURS,
IF WE HAVE THE COURAGE
TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT.
WE DO THE WORK.
24 HOURS A DAY,
POLICIN' THE CASINOS,
OPERATIN' THE WIRE,
CHECKIN' OUT THE
NUMBERS TAKE, FIXIN' A RACE,
BUYIN' OFF A POLITICIAN,
IT NEVER STOPS.
WE DO THE WORK,
WHO GETS THE PROFITS?
HERE'S YOUR ANSWER.
I HAD COPIES MADE FOR ALL OF US.
THE MONEY THE ORGANIZATION
TOOK IN LAST YEAR
AND WHERE MOST OF IT WENT,
RIGHT INTO THE POCKETS OF
THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS.
NO MORE.
WE WORK FOR IT. WE KEEP IT.
TALC, THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS
AIN'T GONNA LET US KEEP IT.
IF THEY KNEW THAT WE WERE
HAVIN' THIS MEETIN' WITHOUT THEM,
THEY'D HAND LOUIE LARUE A
CONTRACT TO WIPE OUT ALL OF US.
SURE, THAT'S WHY WE
GIVE LOUIE A CONTRACT
TO HIT THEM BEFORE THEY HIT US.
[all laughing]
LOUIE'S FLYING IN
THIS AFTERNOON.
WE'LL SET THE DEAL
WHEN HE GETS HERE.
TALC, THIS ISN'T THE '30's.
I'M A RESPECTED MAN.
I OWN A GENUINE
PICASSO, HAND PAINTED.
YOU SAID YOU WANTED A
BIGGER SHARE OF THE TAKE.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.
WELL, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO GET IT, UNITY.
THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS PROBABLY
KNOW ABOUT THIS MEETIN' ALREADY.
LOOK, IT'S EITHER THEM OR US.
YOU START FEELING TENDERHEARTED
FOR THE SCHWIMMERS,
TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT
THEY'VE BEEN DOING TO US.
TALC IS RIGHT.
THE SCHWIMMERS WOULD
CHEAT THEIR OWN MOTHER
IF SHE WASN'T DOIN' TIME.
(Joe) IT'S THE
SCHWIMMERS, OR US.
(Beaumont) WELL, AS FAR AS I'M
CONCERNED, THERE'S NO CHOICE.
I THINK WE OUGHT TO
HAVE A SHOW OF HANDS.
DON'T YOU, TALC?
TALC?
TALC!
WHAT?
DON'T YOU THINK WE OUGHT
TO HAVE A SHOW OF HANDS
ON WHO'S FOR LIQUIDATING
THE SCHWIMMERS?
(Moon) WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH YOU, TALC?
THE MATTER?
(Talc) WHAT'S THE
MATTER WITH ME?
WELL, UH, ALL OF A SUDDEN
I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
IT'S THE HEAT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
TAKE A FEW MINUTES BREAK?
IT'S THE PRESSURE.
IN THIS BUSINESS, IT'S
ALWAYS THE PRESSURE.
IF A HEART ATTACK DOESN'T
GET YOU, LOUIE LARUE WILL.
I MAKE A MOTION THE
MEETING BE ADJOURNED.
MEETING ADJOURNED. ADJOURNED.
[sighs]
(Bertrille) LOOK OUT BELOW!
HI, BOY, AM I GLAD...
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU GOT A TRICK KNEE?
WELL, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THOSE. MY
BROTHER USED TO HAVE ONE, FOOTBALL.
HERE, LET ME HELP
YOU UP. COME ON.
[exclaims]
[sighs]
YOU'RE... YOU'RE SOLID.
OH, THANKS.
MY NAME IS SISTER BERTRILLE.
I SAW YOU. YOU DID?
I REALLY SAW YOU, YOU...
OH, THAT'S NOTHING SPECIAL.
YOUR KNEE AGAIN?
WELL, MY BROTHER USED TO
WEAR AN ELASTIC BRACE ON HIS.
MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO.
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU HAVE A BOAT
THAT COULD GET ME TO ST. THOMAS?
NOT A SINGLE BOAT
ON THE WHOLE ISLAND?
I AM SORRY, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
BERTRILLE. SISTER BERTRILLE.
HOW ABOUT A RADIO?
YEAH, A RADIO, GREAT. WELL, MAYBE
WE CAN TRY A WEATHER REPORT.
IT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING,
THE WIND JUST DIED ON ME.
BOY, YOU REALLY OUGHT TO
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT KNEE.
HERE.
(radio announcer) FOR THE ST.
THOMAS AND ST. JOHN ISLANDS,
THE FORECAST IS FOR CLEAR AND
CALM THIS AFTERNOON AND TONIGHT
WITH FRESHENING
EASTERLY WINDS TOMORROW.
TOMORROW.
A LOW PRESSURE FRONT IS
MOVING FROM THE SOUTHEAST.
[sighing]
YOU SAID YOU DON'T HAVE A BOAT?
WELL, THEN HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
OH, UH, WE USED A
PLANE, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
BUT IT WON'T BE BACK
TILL THIS EVENING.
[sighing] OH, THIS EVENING.
WELL, THAT DOES IT. I GUESS
THIS IS THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.
I MEAN GOOD INTENTIONS
JUST AREN'T ENOUGH.
IT'S WHAT YOU DO OR
DON'T DO THAT COUNTS.
YES, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
BUT THERE'S STILL A
CHANCE, ISN'T THERE?
I... I MEAN, IT ISN'T TOO LATE?
WELL, THERE'S NOT
VERY MUCH TIME.
OF COURSE, IF
THERE WAS A CHANGE.
THERE'S GONNA BE.
THAT'S A... THAT'S A PROMISE.
DO UNTO THE OTHER GUY
AS YOU WOULD HAVE THE
OTHER GUY DO UNTO YOU.
HUH, YOUR SAINTLINESS?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OF COURSE, BUT IT'S JUST
PLAIN OLD SISTER BERTRILLE.
NOW, WHO DID WE
GIVE NORTH DAKOTA TO?
GENTLEMEN.
AH.
WE WERE JUST GONNA SEND
OUT A SEARCH PARTY FOR YOU.
YEAH, I THOUGHT MAYBE THE
SCHWIMMER BROTHERS HAD GOT YOU.
[laughing] THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT.
WITH WHAT?
THE SHOW OF HANDS.
DO WE GIVE LOUIE LARUE A CONTRACT
TO WIPE OUT THE SCHWIMMERS OR NOT?
FELLAS, WE'VE FORGOTTEN THE
MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL.
LIKE WHAT?
THE GOLDEN RULE.
DO UNTO THE OTHER GUY
WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE
THE OTHER GUY DO UNTO YOU.
YOU BEEN HITTING THE JUICE?
WHAT'S HAPPENED, TALC?
I'VE HAD A VISION.
SHE'S BEEN SENT TO SAVE US.
WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT,
BUT THERE'S STILL A
CHANCE, IF WE CHANGE.
WHAT KIND OF A SONG
AND DANCE IS THIS?
I'LL SHOW YOU.
WHAT DOES HE MEAN
HE SAW A VISION?
(Fremling) FIRST HE'S
PUSHING THE CONTRACT,
THEN HE'S GIVING
US THE GOLDEN RULE.
I GOTTA GOLDEN RULE FOR HIM.
IF WE DON'T DO UNTO
THE SCHWIMMERS,
THEY'RE GONNA DO UNTO US.
HI.
LOUIE, YOU KNOW THOSE
HOKEY DISGUISES NEVER WORK.
(Talc) COME IN, PLEASE.
SHE'S A GIRL.
THANK YOU. I'M SISTER BERTRILLE
FROM THE CONVENT SAN TANCO.
SHE REMINDS ME
OF ROSE TUPPERMAN.
YOU KNOW, MANNIE
TUPPERMAN'S SISTER.
HOW'D SHE GET HERE?
SHE FLEW IN.
I DIDN'T HEAR NO PLANE.
NOT IN A PLANE.
IN A BALLOON?
NO.
SHE JUST FLEW
DOWN OUT OF THE SKY.
ON THE TAIL OF COCK ROBIN.
HOW DID SHE REALLY GET HERE?
YOUR SAINTLINESS, TELL THEM.
DIDN'T YOU FLY IN?
UH, SISTER BERTRILLE.
AND I DID FLY,
BUT YOU SEE, THERE'S A
PERFECTLY SIMPLE EXPLANATION.
UH, IT... IT PARTLY HAS TO DO WITH MY
CORNETTE AND PARTLY THE WIND VELOCITY.
IF YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING
ABOUT AERODYNAMICS...
I SAW HER WITH MY OWN
EYES. IT'S VERY SIMPLE,
ONCE YOU UNDERSTAND THE
PRINCIPLE. I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT AT FIRST.
I STILL DON'T BELIEVE
IT. PEOPLE DON'T FLY.
SHE ISN'T PEOPLE.
YOU SEE, I WAS ON
MY WAY TO ST. THOMAS
TO DELIVER THIS ENVELOPE. WE
WERE ABOUT TO LET THE CONTRACT
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT I GET
THIS ENVELOPE... ON THE SCHWIMMERS.
I LOOKED OUT AND THERE SHE
WAS FLYING DOWN OUT OF THE SKY.
YES, RIGHT, I'D BEEN LOSING
ALTITUDE FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES.
AND WHEN I WENT OUTSIDE,
SHE FLOATED OVER THE TREES.
YES. I... I CAUGHT A STRAIGHT
UPDRAFT BUT IT DIDN'T LAST.
AND LANDED THERE
RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
THEY NEVER LAST, I TELL YOU.
IT'S A SIGN. A WARNING. YOU KNOW.
"REPENT ERE IT IS TOO LATE."
WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING?
TO REPENT, BUT IT MAY
BE TOO LATE ALREADY.
STAY CLOSE TO ME AND
PLAY IT COOL, UNDERSTAND?
SURE, SURE. BUT
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK ONE OF 2 WAYS.
TALC IS UP TO SOMETHING
OR HE'S FLIPPED.
EITHER WAY WE'RE
IN TERRIBLE TROUBLE.
SO WHAT DO WE DO?
SHUT UP AND LET ME
THINK, THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
DON'T SAY IT.
DON'T SAY WHAT?
DON'T SAY WHATEVER YOU WERE GONNA SAY
ABOUT TALC AND HER, UH, HER SAINTLINESS.
YEAH, BUT, JOEY,
YOU GOT TO ADMIT...
YOU GOT ANY CHOICES?
LOOK, TALC MUST
KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING.
JUST KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
AND DO LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.
(both) WHATEVER TALC WANTS.
♪ [piano playing]
HI. COME IN.
HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING
ABOUT THE PLANE YET?
NO.
OH, I APPRECIATE YOUR KINDNESS,
BUT I HAVE TO GET
TO ST. THOMAS SOON
SO I CAN GET MY CONNECTIONS
BACK TO SAN JUAN.
WELL, IT SHOULD BE HERE
VERY SOON, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
OH, GOOD. AND JUST
SISTER BERTRILLE, PLEASE.
WHAT HUMILITY.
UH, WELL WE WERE JUST ALL
SITTING AROUND HERE MEDITATING.
OH.
SOMEBODY WALKED AWAY
FROM A BEAUTIFUL SETUP. MIND?
NO.
NICE PLACE YOU HAVE.
YES.
HI.
HI, SISTER.
I JUST LOVE MUSIC, DON'T YOU?
OH, YES.
I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT MY GUITAR,
BUT IT PROBABLY WOULD
HAVE IMPEDED BY AIRFLOW.
PLAY SOMETHING HER
SAINTLINESS WOULD LIKE.
UH, SISTER BERTRILLE.
I'D LIKE ANYTHING.
WELL... WELL... WELL, I... I DON'T
KNOW ANY RELIGIOUS SONGS,
EXCEPT I KNOW THIS.
♪ [playing piano]
I THINK IT'S THE RIGHT KEY
BUT THE WRONG CHURCH.
OH, THAT'S OK. I'M
VERY ECUMENICAL.
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
GOOD, SISTER.
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
COME ON.
(all) ♪ BRINGING
IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
HEY!
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Bertrille) YEAH.
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Bertrille) HEY!
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Talc) THAT'S GREAT.
GROOVY.
LOUIE, YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
THIS IS LOUIE LARUE,
YOUR SAINTLINESS.
HE WAS A BOY SOPRANO.
OH, MARVELOUS.
WELCOME TO THE GROUP.
LOOK, I DIDN'T COME 3,000
MILES TO JOIN A SING-A-LONG.
NOW, WHO'S THIS CHICK?
LISTEN, A LITTLE RESPECT.
TALC, SUPPOSE YOU
LET ME EXPLAIN TO LOUIE
HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED SINCE
HER SAINTLINESS HERE FLEW IN.
OK, MOON. YOU DO THAT.
NOW, LET'S TRY
THAT HYMN AGAIN. OK.
TAKE IT FROM THE TOP, BOYS.
♪ [piano playing]
(all) ♪ BRINGING
IN THE SHEAVES ♪
NOW, WHAT'S WITH TALC AND
THAT FLORENCE NIGHTGOWN?
I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU
ON THE WAY TO SAN JUAN.
SAN JUAN?
LISTEN, DO I GET A CONTRACT,
OR DO I NOT GET A CONTRACT?
LOUIE, TRUST ME. TRUST ME.
TRUST YOU.
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
(Joe) GREAT, GREAT.
(Bertrille) LET'S HEAR IT.
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
[plane engine roars] ♪
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING ♪
WHY...
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOUR
FRIENDS WOULD JUST TAKE OFF
AND LEAVE YOU STRANDED
HERE. WILL THEY BE BACK?
OH, SURE. THEY'LL BE BACK.
GEE, I WISH THERE WERE A BREEZE.
TALC, YOU KNOW MOON IS GOING
TO THE SCHWIMMER BROTHERS.
THE SCHWIMMERS ARE GONNA
COME ROARING OUT WITH LOUIE.
AND WE'LL ALL HAVE
LOVELY FUNERALS.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE HER FLY.
COULD SHE TEACH US?
OF COURSE NOT.
YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING
LIKE THAT TILL YOU GO TO...
UP THERE,
AFTER YOU DIE.
TOMORROW.
♪ [music playing]
WE'RE GONNA FIND TALC
AND THOSE OTHER FINKS.
(Angie) WHETHER
YOU HELP US OR NOT.
IF I KNEW WHERE
THEY WERE MEETING,
I-I'D TELL YOU, MR. SCHWIMMER.
YOU TOO, MR. SCHWIMMER.
I'M A VERY COOPERATIVE GUY.
IT PAYS.
LOOK, WHY SHOULD I LIE?
TO SAVE YOUR SKIN.
IF THAT'S THE CASE, I'D TELL YOU
WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU LIED TO US, RAMIREZ...
START FIGURING
YOUR ESTATE TAXES.
WELL, MR. EDWARDS, I WANT TO
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING.
WELL, THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE
LEAVING US, YOUR SAINTLINESS.
WELL, ALL SIGNALS ARE GO.
GOODBYE.
GOODBYE.
HEY, YOU GUYS, HER
SAINTLINESS IS LEAVING.
WHO'S WATCHING THE STORE?
[engine droning]
[crashing]
[Joe and Beaumont laughing]
HUH? NO.
HER SAINTLINESS WOULD WANT
US TO BE GOOD SAMARITANS.
COME ON.
YOUR COMPLETELY UNDISCIPLINED
PERFORMANCE SO DISTRACTED ME
THAT I LEFT SAN TANCO WITHOUT
THE NOTES FOR MY SPEECH.
THEN, YOU TOTALLY
DISREGARDED MY ORDERS
TO COMPORT YOURSELF WITH
DIGNITY AND YOU TOOK TO THE AIR.
BUT SISTER WAS ONLY TRYING
TO SAVE YOU EMBARRASSMENT,
REVEREND MOTHER.
SHE HAS NO TALENT
WHATSOEVER IN THAT DIRECTION.
BUT HER INTENTIONS WERE VERY...
SISTER JACQUELINE, I DID NOT
APPOINT YOU DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.
NO, REVEREND MOTHER.
WILL YOU PLEASE
FILE THESE PAPERS?
YES, REVEREND MOTHER.
NOW THEN, UH, SISTER BERTRILLE,
YOU MUST LEARN THAT 2
WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.
AND GOOD INTENTIONS
ARE NOT THE BEST MATERIAL
FOR BUILDING A VOCATION.
(Jacqueline) REVEREND MOTHER.
SISTER JACQUELINE,
I ASKED YOU...
BUT REVEREND MOTHER,
THESE ARE NOT YOUR NOTES
OR THE CLASSROOM REPORTS.
THIS SEEMS TO BE A VERY
DETAILED FINANCIAL STATEMENT
OF A LARGE ORGANIZATION.
OH, DEAR. WITH INTERESTS IN LAS
VEGAS, NEW ORLEANS, CHICAGO...
IT MUST BELONG TO
MR. EDWARDS, ...NEW YORK, LONDON,
I GUESS I PICKED UP
THE WRONG ENVELOPE.
AMSTERDAM, NICE... BUT DON'T
WORRY, REVEREND MOTHER,
BECAUSE I'LL GET YOUR
NOTES BACK. I PROMISE.
ISTANBUL, HONG KONG, LOS
ANGELES, AND SAN JUAN. SAN JUAN?
THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME
CONNECTION WITH GAMBLING.
GAMBLING? UH, SISTER BERTRILLE,
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES ARE
YOU TO FLY BACK TO THAT ISLAND.
OH, NOT A CHANCE,
REVEREND MOTHER.
THAT'S HOW I GOT INTO THIS MESS.
I'LL CALL CARLOS RAMIREZ BECAUSE HE
KNOWS ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT GAMBLING,
AND I'M SURE IF THIS IS
SOMETHING IMPORTANT,
HE WON'T MIND TAKING
IT BACK TO MR. EDWARDS
AND AT THE SAME TIME HE CAN PICK UP
YOUR NOTES AND THEN BRING IT TO YOU
AND THEN THAT WOULD SQUARE
EVERYTHING AWAY, RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMEHOW I GET THE FEELING
THIS IS WHERE I WALKED IN.
(Jacqueline) SISTER
BERTRILLE'S DETERMINATION
TO RETURN THE PAPERS
TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNER
LITERALLY TURNED
INTO A FEDERAL CASE.
HER CONCERN WAS NOTHING COMPARED
TO THAT OF SOME FEDERAL AGENTS,
WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE VISITING
SENOR RAMIREZ WHEN SHE CALLED.
THE REST IS HISTORY.
COME ON, CARLOS.
THERE'S NOTHING TO
BE NERVOUS ABOUT.
WELL, I'M NOT
NERVOUS. I AM... I'M SICK.
COME ON.
NOW, YOU STAY RIGHT
HERE, SISTER, JUST IN CASE.
RIGHT.
WE WANT TO TAKE
THEM BY SURPRISE.
I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE RIGHT
ABOUT MR. EDWARDS AND HIS FRIENDS.
WHY IF I... I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU GOT OFF THIS ISLAND ALIVE.
WHY THAT BUNCH WOULD
KILL THEIR GRANDMOTHERS
IF THE PRICE WAS RIGHT.
BUT THEY WERE
PERFECT GENTLEMEN. I...
(men) ♪ WAITING, WAITING
FOR THE HARVEST ♪
♪ AND THE TIME OF REAPING ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪
♪ WE SHALL COME REJOICING,
BRINGING IN THE SHEAVES ♪