The Flintstones (1960–1966): Season 2, Episode 26 - Trouble-In-Law - full transcript

Here we go, sweetie!

Oh, Melville, I feel
just like a teenager.

You are, honey baby!
You are!

We just made it, mommy.

Yes, junior.

'Hold on, sugar.
Here's a giant dip.'

Whee!

This is exciting!

Not half as excitin'
as you, little flower.

(Slaghoople)
'Ooh! What did you say?'

I say...
Will you do me the honor of..



[theme music]

preet

[siren wailing]

preet

bam

thud

Oh, boy.

All I need is to show up
and work with housemaid's needs.

Fred, did you get
the ashtrays?

Yes, I got the ashtrays.

The next salesman that ask me
if the man of the house is in

he's gonna find out
the hard way.

Okay, Wilma, I'm through
vacuuming. What next?

Better empty the trash, Fred.



Yes, I know, I know.

Quit nagging, will you?
Boy, what a grouch.

All I said was, "What's next?"

[gulps]

Hmm, my favorite,
fillet of trash.

hiccup

What an awful time
to sprain my ankle.

Just before mother gets here.

Fred, what are you doing?

What am I doing? Oh, boy.

I'm playing golf,
I'm watching the fights.

I'm out bowling up a storm.

What am I doing?

I'm mixing the dodo egg batter.
That's what I'm doing.

I think you've beaten it
enough, Fred.

caw

I wish he'd beat it.
I'm getting dizzy.

- Now, what are you doing?
- 'What am I doing?'

I'm doing what any guy does
when his wife sprains her ankle

and he's stuck in the kitchen
slicing onions.

I'm crying! That's what
I'm doing. I'm crying.

I'm doing all the work
and he's cryin'.

Try to control yourself, Fred.

Mother will be here any minute
and she'll take over.

And how? She'll take over
like Grant took Richmond.

Now, Fred.

You are gonna try to get along
with mother, aren't you?

I promised you, didn't I?
I'm gonna try.

'I mean, it's only
gonna be two weeks.'

So was basic training.

- 'Fred.'
- Ah, he he he.

I'm only kidding, sweetheart.

This time your mother and me
are really gonna get along.

We're gonna talk
to each other quietly

politely and pleasantly.

Yes, sir, quietly.

(Slaghoople)
'Wilma!'

'My baby!'

Mama! Oh, it's good to see you.

Oh, my poor little girl.

From the looks of things,
I got here just in time.

Land sakes,
you look peaked..

...but not that husband
of yours, though.

Oh, I'm fine mama, really.

(Slaghoople)
'You always were a brave girl.'

I don't expect
much of you, sonny.

But the least
you could do is greet me

when I come into your house.

Well, what have you got
to say to me?

Sit down and shut up!

Bye, Wilma. I gotta give
Barney his breakfast.

Talk to you later.

Honestly, sometimes
I don't know what's the matter

with you men, Barney.

That's easy. You women.

[laughing]

Wilma's mother
wasn't there five minutes

before Fred insulted her.

Five minutes. Hey, I wonder
what took him so long.

Barney, she's only trying
to be helpful.

How terrible can that be?

[coughing]

Oh, boy! How terrible
can you get food.

What's the matter, sonny?

Don't you like the breakfast
I cooked for ya?

I seem to have lost my appetite.
What is this stuff, anyway?

Health food, sonny.
Just what the doctor ordered.

Then let the doctor eat it.

knock-knock

This the Flintstone house?

(Slaghoople)
'Yes, boy.
Bring everything right in.'

Right, madam.

(Slaghoople)
'Just hand them
to sonny over there.'

Here you are, sonny.

crash

I'll go get the rest
of the stuff.

Okay, Chuck, let's load.

- 'Right, Pete.'
- Back it up.

Yeah, yeah. Back, boy.
Back, back, easy.

Well, isn't that a lot of stuff
for a two-week visit?

Well, now, that's
my surprise, sonny.

I knew Wilma could use some
help here, so I sold my house.

You sold...your house?

That's right, sonny.
I'm here to stay.

Well, what do you say
about that?

Oh, boy!

Easy boy.

crash

Wilma!

Say, where are we gonna
put all this old junk?

Let's try moving
that table over here.

[grunting]

No, that's not right.
Bring it back.

Put my day bed
where the table was.

I don't like it.
Move it back.

What would happen
if we, um, move the table

in place of the bureau

and the piano
in place of the sofa?

I'd break my back,
that's what will happen.

Now, look here.

Sonny, I think, I know
what you're gonna say.

- You do?
- Yes, and you're right.

There just isn't room enough
for three people in this house.

Well, there's always
the garage.

[laughing]

I was thinking
the very same thing.

[laughing]

[grunting]

bam

[sighs]

That's the last load.

Now that you're settled

I'll go hit a few
golf balls with Barney.

You know
it's kinda cute in here.

I'm glad you like it.

All it needs is some
curtains and a rug.

And you got a regular home
away from home, right?

Right, sonny.

You don't get many good ideas

but when you get one,
it's right.

Well, thank you, mother.

I'm sure you'll be very
comfortable out here.

I'll be very comfortable
out here?

'Good. Then it's all
settled, right?'

Wrong! Now, just
a rock hittin' minute..

whack

Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

I pay the rent.
I buy the groceries.

That mother-in-law
takes over the house

and I gotta stay
in the garage.

swoosh

You missed, Fred.

Boy, what a mean mother
Wilma's got.

That's two, Fred.

'And her cooking, wow.'

Lucky three, Fred.

Every time she serves you steak

you gotta check to see
if your shoes are missin'.

swoosh swoosh

(male #1)
'Fo-o-ore!'

I kid you not, Barney.
That woman has got to go.

twang

I'm sure it's around here.

Hey, anyone seen my ball?

- Oh, hiya, Joe.
- 'Hiya, Barney.'

- Hiya, Joe.
- 'Hiya, Fred.'

Well, Fred it found it.
Here you go, Joe.

(Joe)
'Aye, thanks, fellas.'

Say, I'd like you two
to meet a visitor.

Mister, uh, mister..

Melville J. Mushrocks'
the name.

Pleased to make
your acquaintance.

- Well, nice to meet you.
- Yeah, me too.

Mr. Mushrocks' been traveling.
Says he likes our town.

Nice little town you got here.
Reminds me of my hometown.

Gold Nugget, Texas.

(Fred)
'Gold Nugget?'

Folks named it after the
riverbed full of gold nuggets

that runs through
my 50,000 acre ranch.

- Riverbed of gold nuggets?
- 50,000 acre ranch?

'Course they named the town

before we found
oil on my property.

(Fred)
'Oil, too, huh?'

Yep, mighty good livin'
in Gold Nugget.

- So, how come you left?
- 'Well, I'll tell you, son.'

After living there 50 years,
I decided to travel a spell.

And maybe find me a wife
to take home and manage things.

Gettin' a mighty too big
for one person to handle.

Take over and manage things.

Mr. Mushrocks,
I was wonderin'..

No formalities, son.
Call me Melville.

Well, Melville, since you're
all alone in town

maybe you'd like to come
to my house tonight for dinner.

Well, that's rotten
neighborly of you, sonny

and I appreciate it.

But I'm not much company
around feeding time.

'I eat nothing but health food.'

Ho ho, oh, boy!

Melville,
this is your lucky day.

It just so happens

that at this very minute,
at my house

is the sweetest,
most managing widow lady

whoever cooked up a mess
of good old healthy tree bark.

You wouldn't kid
an old ranger, would you?

No, sir.

In that case, sonny,
what are we waiting for?

Cars in front.
Come on, Barney.

I gotta hand it
to you, Fred.

'You really knocked
those pins over tonight.'

Well, that's what sleeping on
his own bed will do for a guy.

You finally got out
of the garage, huh?

- Yeah. He he he.
- Well, how'd you do it, Fred?

How'd you get Wilma's mother
off your back?

Elementary,
my dear Barney.

I got her a man
of her own to boss.

Oh, I get it.
Melville J. Mushrocks, huh?

- Old moneybag.
- He he he.

Right. He sends her
flowers and candy.

And he's taking her out every
night for the last two weeks.

Boy, I can hear
those wedding bells

ringing loud and clear.

[creaking]

[intense music]

[creaking]

Oh, it's only you, Fred.

Yeah, yeah. It's only me.
What are you doing up so late?

It's after midnight.
Mama isn't home yet.

Well, maybe her pumpkin
turned into a coach.

What are you talking about?

'Oh, nothin', nothin'.
Anything to eat? I'm hungry.'

Fred Flintstone,
you make me furious.

'Do you realize
mother is hinting about'

'getting married again
to a perfect stranger?'

'And all you can think
about is your stomach.'

Look, Wilma.

Melville J. Mushrocks
is a millionaire.

That's a good catch
for any woman.

Hmm, maybe too good.

There's something
funny about that man.

Why? Melville seems
to be a great guy.

'Seems to be,
that's just it.'

We really don't know
anything about him, Fred.

I wish we could check up on him
before mama loses her head.

Oh, you're being ridiculous.

Your mother is fully mature.
She knows what she's doing.

(Melville)
'Nighty night, tweety poo.
See ya tomorrow.'

[humming]

Cha a-cha a-cha-cha-cha

- Mama, are you alright?
- Alright?

After a night like tonight?

preet

[laughing]

(Slaghoople)
'I'm simply scrumptious.'

A-cha a-cha a-cha-cha-cha

'Goodnight, children.'

[laughing]

And you don't think I have
anything to worry about.

Well, it's a change anyway.

Say, sonny, I almost forgot.
Drive me to the bank tomorrow.

Why, mama?

(Slaghoople)
'I'm withdrawing all my money
to give to Melville.'

What?

To invest in an
oil stock for me.

(Wilma)
'Isn't that sort of a gamble?'

Oh, no. Melville owns
the oil wells.

And he knows about
one that's coming in. Ha ha.

I just love that town
of Gold Nugget.

Mature woman, huh?

I know it looks
a little suspicious.

- A little suspicious?
- Oh, he's okay.

If that man isn't
what he says he is

I'll put on a monkey suit
and sell peanuts downtown.

Alright, but if my mother
loses all her money

you're gonna have to sell
an awful lot of peanuts

to support the three of us.

- Hi, Wilma, ready to go?
- 'I guess so.'

But I'm not in the mood
to have my hair done today.

'Why?'

I checked with
the phone company.

There's no
Melville J. Mushrocks

listed in Gold Nugget, Texas.

Well, of course not.

Millionaires always have
unlisted numbers.

- They do?
- Oh, sure.

Otherwise all sorts of people
would be bothering them.

Mm-hmm. Like, uh, collection
agencies and the police?

[giggling]

Oh, stop worrying about nothing.

We got a date
with our fellas tonight.

- And we better get a move on.
- 'Well, okay, Betty. Let's go.'

Now, girls.

If you will step
this way, please.

Oh, I hate getting
under those dryers.

Me too.

I always have trouble
hearing the latest gossip

when I'm under one.

Well, when it comes to gossip,
I wouldn't go so far

'as to say that.'

Won't you please
be seated, girls?

Thank you.

Alright, boys.

'Lower away.'

'Easy does it.'

'Good!'

'Au revoir, girls.'

Is your mother coming
with us tonight, Wilma?

No. I asked her.

But Melville
wants to be alone.

I think he's gonna propose.

Well, as I was
telling you, Daisy

he's a notorious con man.

His routine is to take
poor widows

'for every cent they've got.'

First, he marries them
and then he skips away

'with all their money.'

- Did you hear that, Betty?
- Can you imagine such a thing?

I understand, the police
think he's here in Bedrock.

Probably working
on his latest victim

right this minute.

They say
he's very convincing.

'Poses as a Texas millionaire.'

Mama!

Oh, my poor mother.

Wilma, wait for me.

(Wilma)
'Fred! Fred!'

- Here comes the girls, Fred.
- Oh, boy.

- Wilma's bought a new hat.
- He's a con man.

And he cheated three widows
out of their lifesavings.

He marries them
and then deserts them.

So he's a bigamist..

...a-as well as a thief
and the police are after him.

And, oh, Fred,
do something!

Hold it! Slow down
and take off that silly hat.

It is true.
I heard every word.

He got away from the police

and he poses
as a Texas millionaire.

(both)
Melville. J. Mushrocks
is a crook!

Mushrocks' a crook?
Are you sure?

Absolutely.
He's wanted by the police.

We heard him
described to a tee.

Wilma, do you know
where they went?

Oh, oh, they were going
to an amusement park

and then to dinner.

[sobbing]

My poor mama!

Now, don't you worry,
sweetheart.

You just leave it to me.

- Barney.
- Yeah, Fred.

- 'Come on. Let's go.'
- Right, Fred.

You ever play
football, Barney?

Sure, Fred. Why?

'Cause you're gonna
run interference

while I intercept
the proposal.

(male #2)
'Hey, hey. Step right up,
ladies and gentlemen.'

The biggest little show
on Earth

featuring Rocko the Great.

Now you see him,
now you don't.

"Rocko, The Man
Of A Thousand Disguises!"

- Come on, Barney. Let's go in.
- Oh, Fred.

We came to find Melville and
your mother-in-law, remember?

Of course I remember,
stupid.

But we don't want Wilma's
mother to know it's us, do we?

- 'Oh, no, siree, Fred.'
- So we need disguises.

Rocko, The Man of a Thousand
Disguises is a friend of mine.

- You get it?
- I get it. I'm with you, Fred.

[laughing]

These are pretty good
disguises, huh, Fred?

He he he. Yeah.

It was sure nice of Rocko
to rent them to us.

Now keep your eye open for that
phony Texas millionaire.

Hey, Fred.

There they are, getting
on the rocky roller coaster.

Hey! Wait for us!

Here we go, sweetie!

Oh, Melville, I feel
just like a teenager.

You are, honey baby!
You are!

We just made it, mommy.

Yes, junior.

'Hold on, sugar.
Here's a giant dip.'

Yahoo! Yep, yep, yep. Yahoo!

Whee!

This is exciting!

Not half as excitin'
as you, little flower.

(Slaghoople)
'Ooh! What did you say?'

There's somethin'
I've been meanin' to ask you.

- Yes, Melville?
- I say..

Will you do me the honor of..

[muttering]

Look at that, honey.

We're headin' for
the tunnel of love.

Oh, Melville.
You're so romantic.

[chuckling]

Sugar, it's time
I declared myself.

Yes, Melville.

(Melville)
'I have somethin'
important to ask you.'

(Slaghoople)
'Yes, Melville.'

(Melville)
'I wondered,
would you consider..'

muah muah muah

'...great day'

'if you ain't an affectionate
little puppy. Ha ha ha'

'Oh, honey!'

You're ruffling
up my moustachio. Ha ha ha.

Mommy, mommy.
Dark place. Dark place.

Why you ain't my sugar!

And you ain't my mommy.

I want my mommy!

[piano music]

Sugar, I made up my mind
to take me a wife, so--

- Light?
- What for? I'm not smokin'.

Oh, yes, uh, no, sir.
Uh, care for a mint?

No, I don't want a mint.
I want my dinner.

What happened
to the soup we ordered?

Comin' right up, sir.

Honey, I've been trying to say
something to you all day.

I know, Melville.

Now that we're alone,
go ahead.

Little flower..

...you would make
me the happiest man in Texas

and mighty proud if you
would consent to be my..

whack

Whoops! I goofed.

[chuckling]

You clumsy waiter!

You spilled that blasted
god darn soup all over me!

If you have a complain
about the soup, sir

I'll have to call the chef.

Uh, chef!

What is the trouble?

This, uh, this person
don't like your soup.

What? He don't like my zoup?

He dares to inzult my zoup.

Now, just a god darn minute,
my good man.

- I didn't say--
- This is a terrible inzult.

- We s-step outzide!
- Excuse me, sugar.

We'll go outside
and settle this like gentlemen.

- Be careful, honey.
- Don't worry, my little flower.

I'll be right back.

- Barney, you got the rope?
- It's in the car, Fred.

- Huh?
- You tinhorn floor flusher.

This is it.
The end of the line.

Put me down, you varmints.

You'll gone plum loco!

Cheat poor widows out
of there life savings, will ya?

- Who, me?
- Not this time, buddy.

You can love 'em and leave 'em
back where you come from, Tex.

You fellows are making
a terrible mista-a-ake!

thud

[imitates train whistle]

Chug, chug, chug.

And he just left me
at the table

waiting and waiting.

[sobbing]

Oh, there, there,
there now, mother.

He isn't worth
thinking about.

Stand up straight, sonny.
You're slouchin'.

[continues sobbing]

Oh, dear.
What have we done?

Oh, Fred, would you
come here a minute?

Excuse me a minute,
mother.

I hope you're not planning
on playing golf this afternoon.

There are lot of things to be
done right around this house.

Oh, boy.

Fred, we've done
something awful.

Read this.

"Love 'em and leave 'em
Texan caught.

"Con man and bigamist,
Harvey. T. Pebble

was captured by
Bedrock police late yesterday."

(Wilma)
'Look at his picture.
That's not Melville.'

You know you're right.
That's not Melville.

Mama had a chance to be happy
and we took it away.

We'll have to spend
the rest of our lives

making it up to her.

- 'Fred, where are you going?'
- Back to the garage.

Where else?

But, mama.

I really don't think
you should leave.

Sorry, daughter.
I made up my mind.

But, mama!

'That's the way
it's gotta be, daughter.'

- 'Fred!'
- Yes, Wilma.

- 'Fred, mama's leaving.'
- She is?

I can't talk her
out of it.

'Don't try.
I-I-I mean, that's too bad.'

Yes, sir.

Once I got that check
I knew what I wanted to do.

(Fred)
'What check?'

Remember that oil stock
that mama invested in?

- Yeah.
- 'Well, the well came in.'

'A gusher.
She got the check today.'

Yeah?

And thanks to Melville,
I'm a very rich woman.

So I'm going on a trip

and I'm going to find that man.

J-j-just to thank him,
of course.

Say, that's really good news.

Let me help you
with your bags, mother.

I'll take you right
to the station right now.

I hate to see you go but there's
no point in wasting time.

[drumbeats]

(Wilma)
'Fred, what's wrong?'

Pulled a ligament in my back.
It's nothin'.

Don't tell me
it's nothing.

You may have
a bad sprain there.

Wilma, take my bags
back into the house.

B-b-but you were leaving!

You were making a trip.
Gold Nugget, Texas.

It-it's waiting for you.

I can make that trip anytime
six months a year from now.

There's no hurry.

'In the meanwhile, I'm certainly
not gonna leave my daughter'

'with a helpless invalid.'

Alright,
into the house you go!

'And we pop you in the bed.'

Lucky for you,
I came when I did.

Now, keep quiet

and I'll take care
of everything.

Oh, boy!

[theme music]

[yawns]

thud

bam

bam

Wilma!

bang bang bang

Wilma!

Come on, Wilma.
Open this door!

Wilma!