The Fall Guy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 8 - No Way Out - full transcript

♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪

♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪

♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪

♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪

♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪

♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪

♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪

♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪

[Siren Wailing]



♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪

♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪

♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪

♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪

♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪

♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]

♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪

♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪

♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪



♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪

♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪

[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.

I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.

YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,

WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.

BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.

HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.

AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...

WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.

ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.

SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.

WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...

AND WAIT... AND WAIT.

THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...

OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,

WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...

GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.

AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.

THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...

AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.

RIGHT NOW I'M WORKIN' ON ONE OF THOSE
FAMOUS TV SHOWS THAT FEATURE STUNTMEN.

YOU'VE PROBABLY
SEEN IT. [Engine Revving]

[Engine Stops]

WE'RE HERE TODAY ON THE
OUTSKIRTS OF LAS VEGAS, NEVADA,

WHERE ONE OF HOLLYWOOD'S MOST
DARING STUNTMEN, COLT SEAVERS,

IS ABOUT TO ATTEMPT
ONE OF THE MOST

DEATH-DEFYING STUNTS
EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW.

THEY'RE MOVING THE RAMP IN PLACE
AND RAISING IT TO ITS PROPER HEIGHT,

WHILE COLT IS MAKING A
FINAL CHECK ON HIS EQUIPMENT.

THE FILM CREWS ARE MAKING SURE
THEY'LL BE READY FOR THE JUMP AS WELL.

I'M SURE COLT WON'T WANT TO
DO THIS JUMP AGAIN IF THEY MISS IT.

THE BUSES ARE NOW
MOVING INTO PLACE.

EACH BUS IS OVER
40 FEET IN LENGTH,

SO COLT'S JUMP WILL COVER
A DISTANCE CLOSE TO 160 FEET.

WHEN COLT RELEASES HIS
CLUTCH AT THE CRUCIAL MOMENT,

HE'LL HAVE TO HIT THE TAKEOFF
RAMP AT OVER 60 MILES PER HOUR.

HE'S GOING TO ATTEMPT
TO JUMP HIS MOTORCYCLE...

OVER THESE FOUR YELLOW
BUSES PARKED END TO END...

A SIGHT I KNOW YOU
WON'T WANT TO MISS.

SO STAY TUNED. WE'LL BE
RIGHT BACK WITH A STUNT...

THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU TURN TO
THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU AND SAY,

"NOW, THAT'S INCREDIBLE."

AND... CUT. BEAUTIFUL,
CATHY LEE. GOOD.

FINALLY, COLT. FINALLY, YOU'RE
GETTING THE RECOGNITION YOU DESERVE.

YEAH, WELL, I'LL BE GETTING
THE INJURIES I DESERVE...

IF I DON'T MAKE SURE
EVERYTHING GOES PERFECT.

HEY, YOU REMEMBER WHEN
CATHY LEE SAID THAT YOU

WERE THE MOST DARING
STUNTMAN IN HOLLYWOOD?

YEAH. I REALLY FELT PROUD.

THAT'S REAL NICE,
KID. I APPRECIATE THAT.

SOMEDAY THEY'LL
SAY THAT ABOUT ME.

YEAH, WELL, HOW ABOUT TODAY?

TODAY? WELL, UH...

WELL, I'D LOVE
TO, COLT, BUT, UH...

BUT... BUT THINK ABOUT ALL THOSE
PEOPLE OUT THERE IN TV LAND.

THEY'RE EXPECTING
TO SEE YOU, NOT ME.

WELL, I'M NOT SAYING
I COULDN'T DO IT.

WELL, YOU GOTTA START SOMETIME. I
MEAN, I COULD EXPLAIN TO THE AUDIENCE.

THAT'S WHAT I LOVE
ABOUT YOU, COLT...

YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR
IN TIMES OF REAL DANGER.

WELL, I'LL TRY AND
LEAVE 'EM LAUGHIN'.

THE MOMENT HAS NOW ARRIVED.

COLT SEAVERS IS GOING BACK
TO HIS STARTING POSITION,

SO LET'S HOLD OUR BREATH.

OKAY, GET THE
CHOPPER IN POSITION!

[Director] ALL RIGHT NOW,
GUYS, THIS IS IT. GET READY.

"A" CAMERA, GET READY.

OBVIOUSLY, THE WIND IS GOING TO
BE A TREMENDOUS FACTOR TODAY...

BECAUSE PINPOINT
ACCURACY IS A MUST.

ONE MISCALCULATION
COULD MEAN A MAN'S LIFE.

- PIECE OF CAKE, COLT.
- YEAH, I'D LIKE TO THINK SO.

ALL RIGHT. LOOKS LIKE
HE'S READY TO BEGIN.

READY? GO GET 'EM!

MAKING HIS APPROACH.

HE'S AT THE RAMP.

AND HE'S OFF!

HE DID IT!

PERFECT LANDING. COLT
SEAVERS HAS DONE IT AGAIN.

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, LADIES
AND GENTLEMEN, AND IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

VERY GOOD, CATHY LEE. VERY GOOD.

WELL, COLT, YOU DID IT AGAIN.

WELL, ALL IN A DAY'S WORK.

YOU SAY THAT SO
CALMLY. [Chuckles]

LISTEN, TELL ME SOMETHING.

WHEN YOU WERE FLYING
OVER THOSE BUSES, DID THE

POSSIBILITY OF FAILURE
EVER ENTER YOUR MIND?

ARE YOU KIDDING? I
WAS TOO BUSY PRAYIN'.

[Chuckles]

DID YOU HEAR CATHY
LEE? "INCREDIBLE."

YEAH. WHAT IT WAS
WAS INCREDIBLY PAINFUL.

YEAH. WELL, COME ON. LET'S
HIT THE STRIP AND CELEBRATE.

YOU DESERVE IT, AND I'M GONNA PAY
FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT. UH, YEAH? HOW?

THE HOWARD MUNSON SECRET PRINCETON
COMPUTER COURSE IN CARD COUNTING.

[Crowd Chattering]

[Man] COMING OUT AGAIN.
PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

[Man] ELEVEN! WINNER,
WINNER, WINNER. PAY THE LINE.

[Crowd Cheers]

BLACKJACK!

THIS OLD BROAD GETS BLACKJACK,
AND I'M SITTING HERE WITH ZILCH.

AH, THAT'S THE STORY OF MY LIFE.

WHAT DO YOU NEED? A CALCULATOR?

I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I
JUST SAW. YOU HIT A 17?

ARE YOU SOME KIND OF A MORON?

WHY DON'T YOU CATCH
THE NEXT BUS TO OMAHA...

BEFORE YOU HAVE TO
HOCK AWAY YOUR KIDS.

YOU BE GOOD TO ME, AND
I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF YA.

YOU CALL THAT BEIN' GOOD, YOU BUM?
GET THE PIT BOSS. I WANT $2,500 MORE.

- YOU IN TOWN
FOR A LITTLE ACTION?
- HMM?

- COME ON. I RECOGNIZE A PRO.
- WELL, I NEVER!

LAST TIME I SAW A MOUTH LIKE
HERS, IT HAD A HOOK IN IT. [Chuckles]

I'M AFRAID, MR. CARNESCO, YOU'RE
OVER YOUR CREDIT LIMIT. LIMIT?

DO YOU KNOW WHO I
AM? I'M LOU CARNESCO.

I CARRY A LOT OF
WEIGHT IN THIS TOWN.

NO. EVERY CASINO IN THIS
TOWN'S CARRYING YOUR WEIGHT.

YOU'RE TAPPED OUT,
LOU. YOU OWE EVERYBODY.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!

DON'T WORRY, HONEY. THE FLEET
IS DUE IN AT THE END OF THE MONTH.

HI, LOU. HEAR YOU BEEN LOSIN'.

WHAT'S IT TO YOU?
IRV, THAT'S A NICE TIE.

MARINARA SAUCE GOES GOOD
WITH THE MEATBALL HERE.

IT'S NOT NICE TO GAMBLE AWAY
THE MONEY YOU OWE OTHER PEOPLE.

MR. ALEXIS IS TIRED OF WAITING.
HE ASKED US TO BRING YOU TO HIM.

OH, YEAH? WELL, YOU CAN TAKE
A MESSAGE BACK TO YOUR BOSS...

LOU, COME ACROSS. YOU KNOW
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY UP.

WHAT'D YOU THINK YOU WERE
GONNA DO? WIN THE MONEY?

[Irv] WE HEAR YOU EVEN GOT
BUSTED IN A CRAP GAME DOWN IN L.A.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE
MR. ALEXIS TOO HAPPY EITHER.

WHAT I DO IN L.A.
IS MY BUSINESS.

NOT WHEN YOU DO IT ON MONEY
YOU OWE A REAL PATIENT MAN.

I'M SORRY, LOU. HE
WANTS TO SEE YOU. NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? MUSCLE
ME RIGHT HERE IN THE CASINO?

THE CONGLOMERATES THAT OWN
THESE JOINTS WOULD LOVE THAT.

EVEN YOUR BIG-SHOT
BOSS COULDN'T HANDLE THAT

KIND OF HEAT! [Irv]
OKAY, LOU, YOU BE CUTE.

BUT YOU GOTTA LEAVE
THIS HOTEL EVENTUALLY.

WE'RE GONNA BE WAITING FOR YOU.

[Beeping]

- HELLO?
- DID YOU BREAK ANY LEGS TODAY?

- WHO IS THIS?
- LOU CARNESCO.

- I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- PUT THE IMMIGRANT ON.

- WHO?
- YOUR BOAT-BACK BOSS.

IT'S LOU CARNESCO, BOSS.

ARE YOU DRUNK, CARNESCO,
CALLING HERE AT THIS HOUR?

- I'M SOBER, I'M BROKE,
AND I WANT CASH.
- YOU'RE CALLING ME FOR CASH?

NO, I'M ORDERING A PIZZA
TO GO, YOU SLEAZEBAG.

- I WANT 50 GRAND TONIGHT.
- I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY.

CRAZY? IF YOU DON'T
PLAY BALL WITH ME,

YOU'D BETTER BE ON THE
NEXT GREYHOUND OUTTA HERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING.
I'M ONTO YOUR SCAM, ALEXIS.

I'VE WRITTEN A LITTLE BOOK I
THINK YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN.

IT LISTS EVERY FANCY DINNER YOU'VE
EVER HAD WITH EVERY BIG-SHOT ATHLETE...

BEFORE EVERY BIG GAME THAT YOU JUST
HAPPENED TO HAVE BET A LOT OF MONEY ON.

AM I GETTING THROUGH THAT
SUNBAKED NEAPOLITAN SKULL OF YOURS?

UP UNTIL NOW, I THOUGHT YOU
WERE ONLY BORDERLINE LUNATIC.

[Exhales] ARE YOU HONESTLY
THINKING OF SHAKING ME DOWN?

- I'M NOT THINKING ABOUT IT.
- YOU MAKE ME VERY SAD, LOU.

I'M TELLING YOU, IF I DON'T
HAVE 50 GRAND IN TWO HOURS,

THIS LITTLE JOURNAL GOES
INTO THE NEWSPAPERS,

AND YOU GO INTO THE SLAMMER ALONG WITH
YOUR FANCY JOCK FRIENDS, YOU MOOCHER.

GOOD-BYE, LOU. WAIT A MINUTE.

- DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE
TO BRING THE MONEY?
- WHAT FOR?

YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.

[Line Clicks]

I DON'T THINK THAT WORKED.

HIT ME. WELL, KID, HOW WE DOIN'?

NOT NOW, COLT. I
HAVE TO CONCENTRATE.

AGAIN.

YEAH, WELL, WE CERTAINLY DON'T
WANNA MESS UP YOUR SYSTEM.

UH, I THINK I'LL TAKE
THE GIRLS OVER TO THE

CIRCUS CIRCUS. THEY, UH,
WANNA PLAY SOME GAMES.

I'M SORRY, COLT. I
WAS RIGHT IN THE MI...

- MY GOD.
- OH, UH, KID,
THIS IS CANDY AND SUGAR.

HI. HI.

OR CANDY AND SUGAR.
UH, THEY'RE BOTH SWEET.

♪♪ ["Wedding March" Playing]

♪♪ [Ends] OKAY, YOU LOVEBIRDS,
THE BIG MOMENT IS HERE.

CRYSTAL, BABY, I
GOTTA TALK TO YOU.

LOUIS, THE CEREMONY'S
ABOUT TO START. NOW JUST WAIT.

BIG DEAL. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO? GET SENTIMENTAL?

I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT
NOW. I'M EVELYN'S WITNESS.

CRYSTAL, LOVE IS WAITING.

[Chuckles] SEE WHAT I MEAN?

I'LL GET RID OF THOSE TWO.
CONGRATULATIONS, MISTER.

LONGFELLOW, MANNY LONGFELLOW.

THAT'S WONDERFUL. MANNY, IS THAT
A DO-IT-YOURSELF HAIR TRANSPLANT?

- HUH?
- OH, LOUIS,
THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.

WELL, EVELYN, YOU FINALLY SNAGGED
ONE. DO YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?

KNOW EACH OTHER? WHY, WE
LIVED WITH EACH OTHER SIX WEEKS.

- OF COURSE, SHE WAS GOIN' WITH A
COUPLE OTHER GUYS AT THE TIME.
- LOUIS!

I NEVER SAW THIS MAN IN MY LIFE!
OH, EVELYN, YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT.

- OF COURSE, IN YOUR PROFESSION
YOU GOTTA BE A GOOD SPORT.
- PROFESSION?

- LOUIS, PLEASE.
- MY GOD, DIDN'T YOU
TELL THIS GUY ANYTHING?

TELL ME WHAT? NOTHING,
MANNY. HE MUST BE CRAZY.

OH, I GET IT. CRAZY.
YOU'RE RIGHT. CRAZY.

UH-HUH. I... I NEVER SAW
THIS WOMAN BEFORE.

EVELYN, SAY HELLO TO THE
NATIONAL GUARD, WILL YA?

CRYSTAL, I GOTTA
TALK TO YOU, BABY.

THAT WAS MEAN. WELL, YOU'LL
STRAIGHTEN IT OUT AFTER I LEAVE.

WHAT I GOT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IS A MATTER
OF LIFE AND DEATH. LIFE AND DEATH. WHOSE?

MINE. I TOOK A CHANCE ON A
SMALL LONG SHOT, AND I LOST.

HOW SMALL OF A LONG SHOT? WELL, I TRIED
TO GET A NEW STAKE BY SHAKING DOWN...

YOUR BOSS, WARREN ALEXIS.
OH, NO, LOUIS, YOU DIDN'T.

NOW THAT'S THE DUMBEST
THING YOU'VE EVER DONE.

I KNOW. COULD YOU FRONT ME SOME
MONEY SO I CAN GET OUT OF TOWN?

I'M BROKE, AND BESIDES, WARREN
ISN'T GONNA LET YOU LEAVE TOWN.

HE'LL HAVE ALL THE
EXITS STAKED OUT.

WELL, THEN LOAN ME YOUR CAR.
THEY WON'T BE LOOKING FOR IT.

I CAN'T. MY CAR'S IN THE SHOP.

GREAT.

[Sobbing]

NOW, DEAR, DON'T CRY.

[Phone Ringing]

- SAMANTHA JACK SPEAKING.
- LOU CARNESCO.

- WHERE ARE YOU?
- LAS VEGAS.

- YOU MISSED YOUR COURT DATE.
- IT SLIPPED MY MIND,
BUT I'M SORRY.

LISTEN, I WANNA TURN
MYSELF IN. [Arguing]

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO LEAVE THE STATE.

LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME BACK,
OR DO YOU WANNA EAT MY BOND?

- WHEN WILL YOU BE HERE?
- AS SOON AS YOU GET SOMEONE
TO COME PICK ME UP.

- I'M BROKE.
- I'LL WIRE YOU
A BUS TICKET.

NO, NO. THAT'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH. LET ME LEVEL WITH YA.

I DOUBLE-CROSSED A
VERY IMPORTANT MAN,

AND HE WANTS TO LEAVE
ME BURIED IN THE DESERT.

WHAT I NEED FROM YOU NOW IS TO
GET ME IN A NICE, SAFE CALIFORNIA JAIL.

YOU'RE IN LUCK.

THE ONLY MAN THAT COULD POSSIBLY
SAVE YOU IS ALREADY IN LAS VEGAS.

I'LL HAVE HIM BRING YOU
BACK. HAVE HIM MEET ME

AT THE BELLS ARE RINGING
CHAPEL IN TWO HOURS.

FINE.

[Together] WELL,
THANKS A LOT, GUYS.

YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO PICK
'EM, COLT. OH, COME ON, KID.

HOW DID I KNOW THOSE
SWEET GIRLS WERE ENGAGED...

TO A COUPLE OF LINEBACKERS
FOR THE ATLANTA FALCONS?

YEAH, WELL, SOMEHOW THIS ISN'T
THE WILD TIME IN VEGAS I'D ENVISIONED.

MR. COLT SEAVERS? WHAT
HAPPENED TO OUR MOMENTUM?

IT'S EARLY, KID. JUST GIVE 'EM TIME.
THEY DON'T KNOW WE'RE HERE YET.

MR. SEAVERS? MR. COLT SEAVERS?

THAT'S ME. THAT'S
ME. UH, THAT'S ME!

WORD'S GETTIN' AROUND. UH-HUH.

THANK YOU, DARLING. UH,
KID, GIVE HER A DOLLAR.

HELLO, COLT SEAVERS HERE.

HI, COLT. IT'S ME,
JACK. THANK YOU.

BIG JACK? IT'S BIG JACK. UH, BIG JACK,
HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND US?

I'VE HAD YOU PAGED IN
EVERY CASINO ON THE STRIP.

I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU.

A JOB?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, UH, JACK.
WE GOT IT PRETTY GOOD HERE.

OH, YEAH, WE'RE SITTIN' HERE
WITH A COUPLE OF PRETTY BLONDES...

AND GOT OUR POCKETS FULL OF
WINNINGS WITH HOWIE'S NEW SYSTEM.

SHOOT. AFTER TODAY'S STUNT THEY'RE
BEGINNING TO TREAT US LIKE CELEBRITIES.

- I DON'T THINK YOU COULD PAY
ENOUGH TO GET US OUT OF HERE.
- WHAT DO YOU SAY TO $2,000?

AND THE MAN IS RIGHT
THERE IN LAS VEGAS.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
BRING HIM BACK TO L.A...

INSTEAD OF DEADHEADING
IN YOUR EMPTY TRUCK.

$2,000? AND HE'S
RIGHT HERE IN VEGAS?

HIS NAME IS LOU CARNESCO,

AND HE'S WILLING TO MEET YOU AT THE
BELLS ARE RINGING CHAPEL ON PARADISE ROAD.

MEET ME? IF HE'S WILLING TO MEET
ME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST HAVE HIM...

GET ON A PLANE AND FLY BACK
AND SAVE YOURSELF TWO GRAND?

COLT. I SAID WILLING,
NOT ANXIOUS.

I THREATENED HIM WITH YOUR
NOTORIETY, AND HE FOLDED HIS TENT.

[Sighs] WELL, I DON'T SEE HOW I
CAN PASS UP SUCH EASY MONEY.

SINCE WE'RE COMIN' HOME
ANYWAY, WE'LL PICK HIM UP.

THANKS, COLT. YOU'RE TERRIFIC.

HEADIN' HOME? COLT, I HAVEN'T HAD
A CHANCE TO PROVE MY SYSTEM YET.

AH, KID, IT'S TIME TO TRY A
SYSTEM THAT ALWAYS PAYS OFF.

IT'S CALLED WORK. LET'S GO.

[Coins Clattering]

LOU! LOU CARNESCO?
[Lou] WHO IS IT?

BIG JACK SENT US.

- THERE SOMETHIN' WRONG?
- I'M JUST LOOKIN' FOR CHANGE.

HEY, WHO'D SHE SEND ME?
THE KID AND THE COWBOY?

VERY FUNNY. LET'S GO.

HOW ARE WE GETTIN' BACK
TO L.A.? ON HORSEBACK?

WHY DO I HAVE THE FEELING
THIS IS NOT GONNA BE A FUN TRIP?

[Howie] IF YOU WANNA GET SOME
SLEEP, COLT, I CAN, UH, GO THE DISTANCE.

OH, NO, JUST GET US TO BARSTOW.

I'LL TAKE OVER FROM THERE.

WHAT'S ALL THIS "FALL
GUY" JUNK? WE'RE STUNTMEN.

YOU MEAN I'M RIDING WITH
TWO STUNTMEN? THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU GUYS ARE ALL LUNATICS!
CARD-CARRYING KAMIKAZES.

YOU GOT A REAL SWEET
DISPOSITION, YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE NOT TOO MANY
LAUGHS YOURSELF, COMEDIAN.

[Lou] HEY, WHAT
MOVIES WERE YOU IN?

COME ON. WHAT IS THIS?
TWENTY QUESTIONS?

NO, REALLY. I
MIGHT HAVE SEEN YA.

I GO TO MOVIES ALL THE
TIME, AND NOT JUST PORNOS.

COME ON. NAME A
FEW OF THE MOVIES.

THERE'S SOMEONE ON OUR TAIL.

I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT
ONE. GIVE ME ANOTHER.

[Honking]

I THINK THEY WANT
US TO PULL OVER, COLT.

MUST BE SOMETHIN'
WRONG WITH THE TRUCK.

DON'T PULL OVER. WHY NOT?

THAT'S WHY, MORON!

[Gunshot]

NOT BAD, KID. YOU LEARNED A LOT.
TOO BAD WE'RE NOT GETTING THIS ON FILM.

I WAS RIGHT. ALL YOU
GUYS ARE LUNATICS.

[Tires Squealing]

KID, WHEN YOU GET OVER
THIS HILL, HIT THE BRAKES.

RIGHT. HIT THE BRAKES?

YEAH, AND HANG ON.

- HIT IT, KID.
- [Tires Squealing]

I THINK THEY SHOT A TIRE.
WELL, DON'T STOP NOW.

ALL RIGHT, FUNNY
MAN, NOW LET'S HEAR IT.

HEAR WHAT? WHY THOSE
MEN TRIED TO KILL US.

THEY PROBABLY DIDN'T LIKE
YOUR LAST MOVIE. THAT'S IT.

KID, YOU GOT THAT TIRE
FIXED YET? YEAH, IT'S ALL DONE.

YEAH, WELL, LET'S GO. WE'RE GETTIN'
OUTTA HERE. WE'LL SEE YOU LATER, LOU.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE GONNA LEAVE
ME STRANDED HERE IN THE DESERT...

WITH THOSE KILLERS AFTER
ME! WE'RE LUNATICS, REMEMBER?

OKAY, I'LL TELL YA. BUT
IT'S NOTHING REALLY.

I TRIED A LITTLE BLACKMAIL WITH
THIS GUY IN TOWN. HE DIDN'T GO FOR IT.

WHAT GUY? SORT OF A MOB GUY.

MOB? AS IN... [Lou] YOU GOT IT.

AND YOU CALL US LUNATICS? WE'RE GETTIN'
OUTTA HERE, KID. WE'RE SITTIN' DUCKS.

THEY SAW YOU WITH
ME. THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE

INVOLVED. YOU'LL NEVER
MAKE IT OUTTA VEGAS.

HEY, YOU'RE NOT WITH US ANYMORE.
WE HAVE JUST BECOME UNINVOLVED.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK. THIS GUY
WILL COVER US EVERY TIME WE MAKE A MOVE.

SO YOU TWO ARE IN THIS
DEAL RIGHT ALONG WITH ME.

- UH, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT, LOU?
- I GOT SOMETHING THEY WANT.

IF THEY CATCH UP WITH ME AND I DON'T HAVE
IT ON ME, THEY'LL THINK I GAVE IT TO YOU.

WHY WOULD THEY THINK THAT? BECAUSE
THAT'S WHAT I'LL TELL 'EM TO SAVE MY LIFE.

OH, GET IN THE TRUCK.

I KNEW YOU'D SEE IT MY WAY.

AFTER WE GET YOU OUTTA HERE, YOU MAY
WISH THAT WE HAD TURNED YOU OVER TO THEM.

[Alexis] I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO SHUT
DOWN THE TOWN. I WANT THAT NOTEBOOK.

PUT THE WORD OUT ON THE STREET.
CARNESCO DOESN'T LEAVE VEGAS.

YOU DISAPPOINTED ME, GENTLEMEN.

I ASKED YOU TO PERFORM ONE
SIMPLE SERVICE, AND YOU LET ME DOWN.

HE GOT HELP. A COUPLE
OF COWBOYS SHOWED UP,

TRIED TO HUSTLE HIM OUT OF TOWN.

THEN YOU HAVE TO NAIL THEM TOO.

IF THEY WANT TO HELP THAT MADMAN,
THEY'LL HAVE TO PAY THE CONSEQUENCES.

DON'T WORRY, MR. ALEXIS.

BY TONIGHT, HE'LL BE IN YOUR HANDS.
I PROMISE YOU. I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

IF BY SOME CHANCE THAT PUGNACIOUS
LITTLE FOOL MAKES GOOD ON HIS THREAT,

I'LL BE PUT IN A VERY
UNPLEASANT POSITION,

AND SO WOULD THE TWO OF YOU.

I'M NOT GOING TO BE HUMILIATED
BY THAT TWO-BIT FLAKE...

WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHEN
HE'S OUT OF HIS LEAGUE.

HE'S AS GOOD AS DEAD. THERE'S NO
WAY OUT. YOU GOT A JOB TO DO. GET GOING.

THIS WHAT YOU CALL
A BRIGHT IDEA? NO.

A BRIGHT IDEA WOULD BE TO
TELL BIG JACK I NEVER FOUND YOU.

I CALLED JODY. SHE'S GONNA
MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT. GOOD.

THANKS FOR THE HELP, KID. THIS
OUGHTA GET YOU A MERIT BADGE.

LOU, IN THE SHORT TIME I'VE KNOWN
YOU, I'VE REALLY COME TO DISLIKE YOU.

COLT, I'M GONNA
TAKE OFF. ALL RIGHT.

YOU BE CAREFUL. THEY'LL
BE LOOKIN' FOR THAT TRUCK.

- IF THEY SPOT IT, DON'T TRY TO
BE A HERO. HEAD FOR THE POLICE.
- I WILL.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
I GET AIRSICKNESS.

AND I HATE THOSE
LITTLE BAGS. TERRIFIC.

[Woman On P.A.] TRANSCONTINENTAL
AIRLINES FLIGHT 13 FROM SAN FRANCISCO...

NOW ARRIVING AT GATE 4.

GLOBE AIRWAYS FLIGHT 86 TO
PHOENIX NOW BOARDING AT GATE 6.

MR. R. JOHNSTON,
WHITE COURTESY PHONE.

MR. R. JOHNSTON, WHITE
COURTESY PHONE, PLEASE.

I'VE BEEN IN BREADLINES THAT MOVED
FASTER THAN THIS. WILL YOU RELAX?

HOW CAN I RELAX? WHY
DON'T YOU WAKE UP, SEAVERS?

HOW COME WE HAVEN'T
SEEN ANY OF THOSE GOONS?

THEY KNOW WE WANNA
GET OUTTA TOWN.

THIS WOULD BE THE
FIRST PLACE THEY'D CHECK.

TWO TICKETS, FLIGHT 418 TO
LOS ANGELES, ONE WAY, PLEASE.

FORGET IT, STUNTMAN. I'M
NOT GETTING ON THAT PLANE.

AT THIS POINT, YOU
DON'T HAVE A CHOICE.

CAN'T YOU PUT TWO
AND TWO TOGETHER?

THEY PROBABLY ALREADY
GOT A HIT MAN ABOARD.

[Lou] WE GOTTA SWITCH
PLANES, YOU NINNY.

HE'S JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS.
HE'S NEVER FLOWN BEFORE.

LET ME AT LEAST BUY
SOME OF THOSE PILLS.

NOPE. I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO SEE YOU TURN GREEN.

I STILL THINK THIS
IS A DUMB MOVE.

WHAT HAPPENS IF THE PLANE
CRASHES? WHAT HAPPENS?

LOOK, THERE IS NO HIT MAN, AND
THE PLANE ISN'T GONNA CRASH.

THE ONLY ACCIDENT'S
GONNA HAPPEN IS YOU

GETTING YOUR NECK
BROKE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP.

WHAT DID I TELL YA?
TAKE A LOOK OVER THERE.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

THEY DIDN'T COME DOWN
TO WISH US BON VOYAGE.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT I'M GETTING OUTTA HERE.

THIS WAY. OH, THIS IS FUN.

I'M BEING SAVED BY
A SUICIDAL MANIAC.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING? JUST GO THROUGH.

WHAT'S STOPPING THEM FROM GETTING ON
THE PLANE? WE'RE NOT GETTING ON THE PLANE.

[Buzzes] OH, EXCUSE ME.

UH, DO YOU HAVE ANY METAL IN
YOUR POCKET, LIKE KEYS OR A LIGHTER?

UH, YES, SIR. THIS. WHAT THE
HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'?

IT'S OKAY. IT SHOOTS BLANKS. I'M A
STUNTMAN, YOU SEE, AND I USE IT AS A PROP.

SO DO HIJACKERS. HEY,
DAN, GIVE ME A HAND.

- [Handcuffs Click]
- I TOLD YOU WE COULDN'T
GET THAT THING THROUGH.

OH, SO YOU'RE IN ON THIS
TOO, HUH? TURN AROUND!

[Woman On P.A.] GLOBE AIRWAYS FLIGHT 14
FROM ALBUQUERQUE NOW ARRIVING AT GATE 2.

MAYBE YOU'RE NOT SUCH
A BANANA BRAIN AFTER ALL.

OKAY, YOU GUYS, COME
ON. LET'S GO. OVER HERE.

I HOPE YOU'RE AS BRILLIANT GETTING US
OUTTA HERE AS YOU WERE GETTING US IN.

WELL, I'D GET USED
TO IT IF I WERE YOU.

JUST GONNA MORE OF THE SAME WHEN
WE GET BACK TO L.A. IF WE GET BACK TO L.A.

ALL RIGHT, YOU
TWO, ON YOUR FEET.

- HEY, WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
- I SAW WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE AIRPORT, COLT,

AND I KINDA FIGURED YOU'D
NEED A LITTLE RESCUING.

YOUR FRIEND HERE
CONVINCED US THAT YOU'RE ON

THE LEVEL, AND WE'RE
NOT GONNA PRESS CHARGES.

YOU'RE FREE TO
GO. GOOD WORK, KID.

NEXT TIME WATCH WHERE
YOU TAKE YOUR TOYS.

SOME PEOPLE DON'T KNOW
WHEN YOU'RE, UH, PLAYING GAMES.

WE WEREN'T PLAYING GAMES, OFFICER.
WE'RE WORKING FOR THE COURTS.

THIS MAN'S A FUGITIVE,
AND WE WERE TRYING TO

GET HIM BACK TO LOS
ANGELES TO STAND TRIAL.

SO HOW CAN I HELP? FOR ONE THING, WE SURE
COULD USE AN ESCORT BACK TO CALIFORNIA.

WELL, I CAN ASK THE CAPTAIN. HE
BELIEVED YOUR FRIEND'S STORY.

WAIT A MINUTE! YOU'RE
BRINGIN' THE COPS IN THIS?

DO YOU THINK THESE LUNKHEADS
WILL GET US OUTTA TOWN?

WHAT WAS THAT? UH, NOTHING,
OFFICER. HE'S ALWAYS JOKIN' AROUND.

OH, SURE. COME
OFF OF IT, SEAVERS.

ALEXIS HAS GOT
CONNECTIONS IN THIS TOWN.

THESE GUYS ARE PROBABLY
ON HIS PAYROLL. LOU.

- ALL COPS CAN BE BOUGHT.
- [Howie] WILL YOU SHUT UP, LOU?

- THERE'S NO WAY
I'M GOIN' WITH THIS CLOWN.
- YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

YOU CAN PICK YOUR
STUFF UP DOWN THE HALL.

YOU BETTER PUT A MUZZLE
ON YOUR FRIEND HERE,

BECAUSE HIS MOUTH IS GONNA
GET YOU RIGHT BACK IN HERE.

YOU'RE GONNA THANK ME FOR
THIS. THESE COPS CAN'T BE TRUSTED.

[Lou] NO, I'M STILL IN VEGAS.

YEAH, THERE'S BEEN
A FEW FOUL-UPS.

LISTEN, BABE, I NEED YOUR HELP.

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T WANT TO
GET INVOLVED, BUT THIS IS URGENT.

GET A CAR AND GET DOWN TO THE
SOUTH-SIDE DIVISION HEADQUARTERS.

LOOK, COLT, I KNOW YOU TAKE
A LOT OF PRIDE IN YOUR WORK,

BUT IN THIS CASE, I THINK BIG JACK WOULD
UNDERSTAND IF YOU JUST THREW IN THE TOWEL.

YEAH, SHE PROBABLY WOULD.
WHAT ABOUT LOU'S FRIENDS?

THEY THINK WE'RE IN ON
HIS BLACKMAIL SCHEME.

YEAH, IT'S HOPELESS.
THIS GUY ALEXIS IS TOO BIG.

HE'S GOT PEOPLE
EVERYWHERE. YEAH.

WELL, YOU'LL FIND OUT
WHEN YOU GET HERE.

OKAY, SHE'S ON HER WAY DOWN.

BUT IF ALEXIS FINDS OUT
THAT SHE'S INVOLVED IN THIS,

THAT'S ANOTHER HEAD
THAT'S GONNA ROLL.

LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

COLT, I TAKE IT YOU HAVE A PLAN.

WELL, I'M WORKIN' ON IT.

SEE YA, BOY SCOUT.

THERE THEY COME.

OKAY, GO, LOU.

ALL RIGHT, KID,
YOU'RE THE DECOY.

THEY'LL BE LOOKIN' AT
THE TRUCK, SO WATCH IT.

HI, DOLL.

LOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SHH! I'LL TELL YOU LATER.

COLT, ISN'T THIS IDEA
A LITTLE HALF-BAKED?

PROBABLY LESS THAN THAT,
BUT WE'LL GIVE IT A SHOT.

IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'D LIKE TO DRIVE.

LOUIS, WHO IS THIS MAN?
WHERE ARE WE GOING?

COLT SEAVERS, AND WE'RE ALL GOING
TO DOWNTOWN SCENIC LOS ANGELES.

- NOW GET DOWN.
- [Crystal] WELL, I...

- GO, KID.
- [Tires Squealing]

COME ON. LET'S GO.

LOUIS, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL
ME WHAT... CRYSTAL, GET DOWN!

- LOU'S IN THE MUSTANG.
- [Tires Squealing]

[Tires Squealing]

HE'S IN A RED MUSTANG
HEADING SOUTH ON LAS PALMAS.

[On Radio] YOU'LL
SEE HIM ANY MINUTE.

[Tires Squealing]

WE GOT HIM. HE JUST MADE
A RIGHT ON MAYFIELD ROAD.

- DON'T LET HIM
OUT OF YOUR SIGHT.
- [Tires Squealing]

SO MUCH FOR THE DECOY.

WHAT, YA MEAN THEY DIDN'T TAKE
THE BAIT? WELL, YOU CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL.

[Tires Squealing]

YOU'RE NOT DOIN' TOO GOOD A
JOB OF LOSIN' 'EM, ARE YA, COWBOY?

SHUT UP, LOU. WHO DO YOU
THINK I AM? MARIO ANDRETTI?

OH!

[Crystal] OH!

[Crystal] OH, MY GOODNESS!

OH! OH!

[Movie: Men
Speaking, Indistinct]

NEVER COULD STAND
WAITIN' IN LINES.

WE CAN CATCH THE END.

[Crystal] OH, LOUIS, HOW
COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

DON'T LOOK AT ME. IT WASN'T
MY IDEA TO TAKE IN A MOVIE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT INVOLVING
ME IN YOUR BLACKMAIL SCHEME.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA
USE THOSE THINGS I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

NOW WARREN'S GONNA
BE LOOKING FOR ME.

WELL, HE DON'T KNOW YOU TOLD
ME ABOUT THE JOCKS HE PAID OFF.

SO THAT'S WHAT THE
NOTEBOOK WAS ALL ABOUT. YEAH.

I WAS GONNA GIVE IT TO THE PRESS IF
HE DIDN'T COME ACROSS WITH SOME CASH.

OH, HOW DO YOU COME UP WITH THESE
IDEAS? JUST WHERE IS THIS NOTEBOOK?

WHERE ELSE? IN MY
APARTMENT. YOU DON'T THINK

I WANT ALEXIS TO GET
HIS GREASY HANDS ON IT.

OH, OF COURSE NOT. BETTER
WE SHOULD ALL GET KILLED.

THEY'RE RIGHT IN HERE. YOU KNOW, I'M
AWFUL TIRED OF SEEING YOU TWO IN HERE.

THE NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA SEE
TO IT THAT YOU STAY A LOT LONGER.

IT'S A GOOD THING THEY ONLY CHARGED YOU
GUYS WITH DESTRUCTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY,

OR YOU WOULD HAVE. YEAH, WELL...
JODY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, WHEN YOU DIDN'T
SHOW UP AT THE AIRPORT,

I FIGURED YOU WERE IN
TROUBLE. THAT'S A GOOD GUESS.

ANYWAY, YOU'RE ALL OUT ON BAIL.

WHAT DID YOU DO? WIRE
BIG JACK FOR THE MONEY?

NO, I MADE A QUICK STOP AT THE CASINO.
IT'S A GOOD THING THIS JAIL TAKES CHIPS.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?

[Lou] YEAH, SEAVERS,
YOU'RE THE GENIUS.

MAYBE THIS TIME YOU'LL COME
UP WITH AN IDEA THAT WORKS.

[Sighs] WELL, I'M STARTING TO FEEL LIKE
WE'RE NOT JUST GONNA DRIVE OUTTA TOWN.

- BRILLIANT DEDUCTION.
- MMM.

- THEN WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
- WELL, I'M GONNA LOOK
FOR A CERTAIN NOTEBOOK.

YOU AND JODY ARE GONNA TAKE
LOU TO THE GOLDEN HORSESHOE.

[Howie] WHAT? HALF THE
TOWN'S LOOKIN' FOR THIS GUY.

[Colt] THE BEST PLACE
TO HIDE IS IN A CROWD.

BESIDES, THERE'S AN UNWRITTEN LAW IN THIS
TOWN. NO ONE SETTLES A SCORE IN A CASINO.

[Colt] BULLETS DISTRACT
THE GAMBLERS. BULLETS?

OH, DON'T WORRY.
YOU'LL BE SAFE THERE.

- JUST GET A TABLE IN THE LOUNGE
AND STAY PUT TILL WE GET BACK.
- WE?

YEAH.

YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ME
TO HIS APARTMENT. COME ON.

CAN WE DRIVE SLOW
THIS TIME? I PROMISE.

COME ON, LOU.

♪♪ [Country Instrumental]

♪♪ [Continues]

I'VE HAD POISON THAT TASTES
BETTER THAN THIS STUFF.

WHY DON'T YOU ORDER
ANOTHER BOTTLE?

DON'T YOU EVER HAVE ANYTHING
NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYTHING?

- WHY SHOULD I?
- THAT'S A GREAT ATTITUDE.

HOW CAN YOU GO THROUGH
LIFE WITH AN OUTLOOK LIKE THAT?

HEY, SPARE ME THE
LECTURE, WILL YA, BLONDIE?

I DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE
TO ANYBODY FOR WHO I AM.

I HAD TO FIGHT AND SCRATCH
FOR EVERYTHING I GOT!

I WASN'T BORN WITH A
SILVER SPOON IN MY MOUTH!

IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, YOU'RE GONNA
GET ONE SHOVED DOWN YOUR THROAT.

♪♪ [Continues]

I DON'T CARE WHAT
THOSE SLOBS THINK.

SAY, BUDDY, WE'RE TRYIN'
TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW, HUH?

- SO WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?
- YOUR MOUTH. IT DOESN'T SEEM
TO WANNA STAY SHUT.

HEY, BEER BELLY, WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT? COOL IT, LOU.

- I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE
THAT FLAK FROM THAT GORILLA.
- [Jody] LOU!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO STEP OUTSIDE?

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO WATCH THE SHOW. WHAT'S

THE MATTER? CAN'T
YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND?

OH, THAT DID IT.

HEY, NOW WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.
LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THIS.

GET OUT OF MY WAY! GET HIM!

[Lou] I THOUGHT YOU
WANTED TO WATCH THE SHOW!

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE, YOU BUM!

YEAH, YOU SHOULD TALK. EVERY TIME
YOU WALK INTO A ROOM, A FIGHT STARTS.

ARE YOU BLAMING ME FOR THAT?
OH, NO, NO. THAT WAS MY FAULT.

WELL, HOW DID I KNOW THE GUY
WAS SENSITIVE ABOUT HIS WEIGHT?

THIS IS GREAT. WE CAN'T GET BACK INTO THE
CASINO NOW, AND GOD KNOWS WHERE COLT IS.

AND SOMEWHERE THERE'S A GANG OF
HOODS OUT HERE WHO WANNA KILL YOU.

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THEY'VE
GOT THE RIGHT IDEA. LOOK OUT!

GIVE YOU A LIFT?

THAT'S OKAY. WE'LL WALK. I THINK
YOU'LL BE MUCH SAFER INSIDE THE CAR.

MOVE. SOMEONE REAL
IMPORTANT WANTS TO SEE YOU.

AFTER YOU, GORGEOUS.

I SUPPOSE YOU BLAME
ME FOR THIS TOO.

[Tires Squealing]

OH, MY GOODNESS.

I'LL SAY ONE THING FOR
MR. ALEXIS. HIS MEN ARE THOROUGH.

IF THAT BOOK WAS HERE,
I'M SURE THEY FOUND IT.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I
GOT NO REASON TO BELIEVE

IT WAS EVER ACTUALLY
HERE TO BEGIN WITH.

YOU THINK LOUIS LIED TO YOU?

YEAH, I WOULDN'T
PUT IT PAST HIM.

OH, COLT, I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO
GET MIXED UP IN LOUIS'S PROBLEMS.

YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS.
YEAH, WELL, YOU DON'T EITHER.

HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET
INVOLVED WITH HIM TO BEGIN WITH?

I DON'T KNOW. MOTHER USED TO
SAY I HAD THE GIFT OF AFFECTION,

THAT I NEVER MET
A MAN I DIDN'T LIKE.

EVEN LOUIS. OH, I KNOW HE'S
RUDE AND INSULTS EVERYBODY,

BUT UNDERNEATH THAT AWFUL
EXTERIOR, I'M SURE THERE'S SOME GOOD.

AT LEAST I THINK THERE IS.

YEAH, WELL, I THINK HE AND I
HAD BETTER HAVE ANOTHER TALK.

[Telephone Dialing]

UH, THE NUMBER OF THE
GOLDEN HORSESHOE, PLEASE.

[Man] YES, I'M WELL AWARE
OF WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE,

AND IF THEY EVER TRY TO
SET FOOT IN THIS CASINO,

THEY'LL BE MAKING
A SERIOUS MISTAKE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHERE I CAN FIND THEM?

AFTER THEY STARTED THE
BRAWL, THERE WAS PANDEMONIUM.

THEY COULD BE ANYWHERE,

BUT IT'S MY FONDEST HOPE
THAT YOU FIND THEM IN JAIL.

WHAT'D HE SAY?

UH, LOU STARTED A FIGHT. THEY
GOT THROWN OUT OF THE CASINO.

WHICH MEANS THEY LOST
WHATEVER PROTECTION THEY HAD.

IT ALSO MEANS
THEY'RE IN BIG TROUBLE.

WARREN ALEXIS IS NOT A
MAN WHO ACCEPTS FAILURE.

THAT'S WHY YOU GOTTA
HELP ME GET TO HIM.

COLT, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
HIS PERSONAL SECRETARY.

IF HE FINDS OUT I'M HOOKED UP
WITH LOUIS, IT'S GOOD NIGHT, CRYSTAL.

BUT IF YOU DON'T, IT'S GOOD
NIGHT FOR EVERYBODY ELSE.

HI, SCOTTY. HELLO,
MR. CONNOR. GO RIGHT ON IN.

♪♪ [Mellow Jazz On Radio]

[Woman Laughing]

I'M ONLY GOING TO ASK
YOU ONE MORE TIME.

WHERE'S THAT NOTEBOOK?
WHAT DO YOU CARE?

IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD WHEN
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ. [Grunts]

HEY! CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE?

THE TIME FOR HUMOR IS
LONG GONE, CARNESCO.

PERHAPS YOUR FRIEND MR. SEAVERS CAN GIVE
ME AN ANSWER. COLT DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING.

MAYBE NOT.

OR HE NEVER COULD HAVE GOTTEN INVOLVED
WITH SUCH A LOW FORM OF HUMAN LIFE.

WE'LL CONTINUE THIS
AFTER MY GUESTS ARE GONE.

- I DON'T WANT
TO MISS THE PARTY.
- YES, SIR.

- LOU...
- HEY.

IT'S NO PROBLEM.

JUST IN CASE I DON'T GET A
CHANCE TO TELL YOU LATER,

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
YOU'RE THE BIGGEST JERK I'VE EVER MET.

COME ON, HOWIE. NOW
DON'T TRY AND DEFEND HIM!

YOU DON'T KNOW HALF OF WHAT
THIS IDIOT'S PUT US THROUGH.

COLT'S OUT THERE SOMEWHERE, AND HE'S
NOT GONNA LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO US.

- 2-TO-1 YOU'RE WRONG.
- YOU GOT A BET.

I'LL TAKE A PIECE
OF THAT ACTION.

MISS CRYSTAL.

I MUST SAY, YOU CERTAINLY PULLED
ONE OUT OF THE FIRE LAST WEEK.

THANKS, MR. ALEXIS. [Chuckles]

ONLY NEXT TIME TRY TO GIVE
US A LITTLE BREATHING ROOM.

I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE ANOTHER
ONE OF THOSE, UH, CARDIAC FINISHES.

[Chuckles] I'M GETTING TOO OLD
FOR THAT KIND OF SUSPENSE.

SO ENJOY YOURSELF, FELLAS. THERE'S
PLENTY OF FOOD AND... OTHER GOODIES.

SO DON'T BE SHY, EH?

HI, LADIES.

HELLO. HI, GUYS.

CRYSTAL, WHERE HAVE
YOU BEEN ALL DAY?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE
FOR YOU. OH, WARREN.

MR. ALEXIS, MAY I TALK TO YOU?

PRIVATELY?

EXCUSE ME. COME.

WHAT IS IT? YOU KNOW THAT CAR
WE WERE CHASING LAST NIGHT?

I CHECKED OUT THE TAGS. SO?

IT'S OWNER IS A SHOWGIRL
NAMED BRANDY HOLMES.

SHE WAS VERY UPSET
ABOUT IT BEING SMASHED,

BUT SHE SAID ALL SHE HAD
DONE WAS LOAN IT TO A FRIEND.

WHAT FRIEND?

CRYSTAL.

I'M SORRY, MR. ALEXIS. COME.

WARREN, YOU'RE HURTING ME!

I INTENDED TO. COME WITH ME.

COME ON.

WAIT A MINUTE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CRYSTAL, WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE? LOU, PLEASE SHUT UP!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
SHUT UP? IF YOU HURT HER...

NOT YET, CARNESCO. BUT I WILL
IF YOU DON'T GET THAT BOOK.

IT WOULD BE A SHAME
TO DAMAGE SUCH GOODS.

BUT THEN, THEY'RE
EASY TO REPLACE.

IN SPITE OF HER
EXPENSIVE TRAPPINGS,

CRYSTAL IS REALLY
VERY CHEAP. [Gasps]

FOR GOD SAKES, LOU, WILL YOU
TELL HIM WHAT HE WANTS TO KNOW?

ALEXIS, YOU DINGBAT,
LISTEN TO ME.

THERE'S NO BOOK. NEVER WAS.

I WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT WAS ALL A CON,
A HUSTLE, I SWEAR.

I COULDN'T PIN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT ON A GUY LIKE YOU.

I WAS DESPERATE.

LOOK, YOU WANNA BREAK
BOTH MY LEGS? HERE THEY ARE.

YOU WANNA KILL ME, FINE.

BUT CRYSTAL JUST
WASN'T IN THIS THING.

PLEASE LET HER GO.

I'M SORRY, LOU. THIS TIME YOUR
MOUTH WENT A LITTLE TOO FAR.

- [Howie] WELL, WHAT ABOUT US?
- YEAH. I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT'S GOIN' ON.

WELL, MY DEAR,

THIS JUST ISN'T YOUR LUCKY DAY.

YOU SEE, I MUST
TAKE PRECAUTIONS.

TAKE 'EM OUT THE BACK
WAY INTO THE DESERT...

AND MAKE SURE THEY
NEVER COME BACK.

[Tires Squealing] WHAT'S THAT?

YOU OWE ME THAT BET, BLONDIE.

- GET IN!
- [Grunts]

DON'T LET THEM GET
AWAY! MOVE! GET GOING!

[All Clamoring]

COME ON! GET GOING!

GO!

NOTHING SERIOUS.
JUST A LITTLE PRANK.

GO BACK AND ENJOY YOURSELF.

COLT, YOU DID IT! YOU SPRUNG US!

WE'RE NOT SPRUNG YET.

TAKE A RIGHT AT THIS STREET. IT'LL
LEAD YOU RIGHT TO THE HIGHWAY.

[Tires Squealing]

[Tires Squealing]

[Whistle Blowing]

[Tires Squealing]

[Tires Squealing]

[Lou] WHAT'S THE MATTER, FALL
GUY? DON'T YOU LIKE REGULAR ROADS?

[Bells Ringing]

OH. I HOPE YOU'RE NOT AS
CRAZY AS I THINK YOU ARE.

FASTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS. FALL GUY
FLYIN' CIRCUS IS ABOUT TO TAKE TO THE AIR.

OH, MY GOD.

PRETTY SLICK DRIVIN', COLT.

THAT'S THE GREATEST
JUMP I'VE EVER SEEN!

I ALWAYS LIKED TRAINS. THEY SAY
IT'S THE SAFEST WAY TO TRAVEL.

[All Laughing]

♪ WE HEAD OUT FOR
THE WIDE OPEN SPACES ♪

[Laughter Continues]

♪ UNSPOILED BY THE
PASSAGE OF TIME ♪

♪ SO LET'S HEAD FOR
THE WIDE OPEN SPACES ♪♪

BYE, COLT. GOOD-BYE, CRYSTAL.

[Lou] WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN', PLEA BARGAIN?

I WANT A HANGING JUDGE. CAN'T
I GET A LITTLE JUSTICE HERE?

COLT, WILL YOU TALK TO HIM? I'M
TRYING TO GET HIM A DEFENDER.

THERE IS NO REASON HE SHOULD
SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE IN JAIL.

I CAN THINK OF ONE
OR TWO. YEAH, SO CAN I.

LIKE A CERTAIN MOBSTER WITH
A MEMORY THAT WON'T QUIT.

CAN'T YOU FIX IT SO THEY
THROW THE BOOK AT ME?

THAT'S NOT THE WAY THE
JUSTICE SYSTEM WORKS.

LOOK, ALL I WANNA DO IS
PAY MY DEBT TO SOCIETY.

- CAN'T A GUY DO THAT ANYMORE?
- YES, BUT IT'S NOT THAT EASY.

LOU, IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO
YOU, I'LL TALK TO THE JUDGE MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, SEAVERS,
YOU'RE NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.

WELL, LET'S GRAB A BEER, AND YOU
CAN JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT.

YOU KNOW, UH, FEDERAL PEN, MAXIMUM
SECURITY, OR HOW ABOUT A NICE CHAIN GANG?

THAT'S ALWAYS FUN. OH, YOU'RE
A LOT OF LAUGHS, SEAVERS.

THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME,
LOU. THAT'S WHAT THEY TELL ME.