The Fall Guy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 20 - Three for the Road - full transcript

♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪

♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪

♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪

♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪

♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪

♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪

♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪

♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪

♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪



♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪

♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪

♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪

♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪

♪♪

♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪

♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪

♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪

♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪



♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪

♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪

THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF
AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.

I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.

YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,

WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.

BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.

HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.

AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...

WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.

ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.

SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.

WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...

AND WAIT... AND WAIT.

THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...

OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,

WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...

GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.

AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.

THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...

AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.

OKAY, WE'RE ROLLING.
COME ON, COLT.

THIS PARTICULAR DAY, I WAS DOIN' A
JUMP THAT I SAID COULDN'T BE DONE...

AND I WAS RIGHT.

COLT, YOU CHICKENED OUT.
AFRAID TO TAKE THE CHANCE?

GOT NOTHIN' TO DO WITH CHANCE. IT'S A
SURE THING NO WAY THAT GAG CAN BE DONE.

OH, YEAH? JASON
HERE SAYS IT CAN. YEAH?

YOU KNOW HE'S
GOT A PIN IN HIS HIP.

YEAH, FROM ANOTHER
GAG HE WAS SURE OF.

I'LL DO IT. NO,
YOU WON'T. I WILL.

WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF
IDIOTS? I TOLD YOU BEFORE...

THERE'S NO WAY TO MAKE THAT JUMP
IN THAT CAR WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF.

I KNOW I CAN. I SHOULD
HAVE FIRST CRACK AT IT.

THIS IS YOUR DEPARTMENT. I DON'T CARE
WHO DOES IT, AS LONG AS IT GETS DONE.

ALL RIGHT. WE'VE LOST
THE SUN FOR TODAY.

WE'LL GO WITH IT FIRST THING
IN THE MORNING. I'LL BE READY.

YOU OWE IT TO ME, COLT. WHY?

YOU NEVER DID
ANYTHING THAT BAD TO ME.

MAY I HELP YOU,
MISS? OH, I HOPE SO.

I NEED SOME VERY
SPECIAL JEWELRY.

SOMETHING TO GO WITH THE COAT?
THAT WOULD BE ON THE SECOND FLOOR.

OH, NO. TO GO WITH THIS.

YOU SEE, THEY WANT ME FOR ANOTHER
CENTERFOLD SHOWING EVERYTHING...

WELL, ALMOST EVERYTHING.

THE ALMOST NEEDS TO BE COVERED
WITH THE EXPENSIVE JEWELS.

YOU GET IT? ALL THAT GLITTERS...

MISS HOLIDAY? YES?

SAMANTHA JACK. HI.

YOUR BAIL HAS BEEN PAID.
NOW OFF YOU GO. FREE AS A BIRD.

JUST AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T TRY AND FLY AWAY.

I TOLD YOU I WAS INNOCENT. LOOK, SWEETIE,
DOESN'T MATTER ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

I'VE SEEN THE GUILTY
STAY AND FIGHT IT OUT IN

COURT, AND I'VE SEEN THE
INNOCENT PANIC AND RUN.

YOU NEVER KNOW.

YEAH. WELL, THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

HI, KAY.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.
JUST DOING MY JOB.

AS WELL YOU SHOULD, BIG JACK.

I THOUGHT YOUR COMPANY
INSURED THE JEWELS.

OH, THEY DID. BUT MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THE MONEY MY COMPANY MIGHT LOSE,

THE DEMOCRATIC
PROCESS MUST BE SERVED.

THAT WOMAN IS INNOCENT
UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

SHE HAS THE RIGHT
TO BE FREE ON BAIL.

HELLO. ARE YOU THE KAY
FAULKNER THAT I KNOW?

AS I LIVE AND BREATHE. I
THOUGHT YOUR COMPANY

WOULD BE STUCK FOR
THREE MILLION DOLLARS.

THEY MIGHT BE.

BUT I HAVE SEEN YOU FIGHT LIKE A
BARRACUDA OVER A $1,000 RECOVERY.

WHY ARE YOU SO CALM? OH, I'VE BEEN
READING A LOT ABOUT BLOOD PRESSURE.

IT'S DEVASTATING STUFF.

OH. WATCH YOURSELF, BIG JACK.

WE'RE READY AT THIS
END, COLT. HOW ARE YOU?

ALL SET DOWN HERE.

ALL RIGHT THEN. LET'S DO IT.
OKAY, GUYS, MAKE IT HAPPEN.

ROLLING! VERY
QUIET, PLEASE. TAKE!

COLT'S NOT TRYING
THAT GAG, IS HE?

YEAH, HE'S SETTING
UP FOR IT RIGHT NOW.

BUT HE SAID IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT, COLT.

HERE HE COMES, DOUG.

THAT'S SUICIDE. YOU GOTTA STOP
HIM! HE'LL MAKE IT. HE'LL MAKE IT.

COLT! OH, MY GOD.

JODY, I'M SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.

YEAH, A WHOLE LOT OF
GOOD IT'S GONNA DO HIM NOW!

YEAH, IT WILL. A MAN ALWAYS
LEARNS FROM EXPERIENCE.

- IT CAN'T BE YOU.
- JODY, HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE I TOLD YOU,

- THERE ARE NO GHOSTS?
- WHO'S IN THE CAR?

REMOTE CONTROL. WE
RIGGED IT LAST NIGHT.

COLT, YOU HAD NO
RIGHT TO DO THAT TO US!

WELL, CONSIDER MY ALTERNATIVE.

EITHER ONE OF THESE KIDS OR
ME DOWN THERE WITH THAT CAR.

OH, GREAT. NOW EVEN IF I WANTED TO DO THE
GAG YOUR WAY, THERE'S NO CAR TO DO IT WITH.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT
NOW YOU MIGHT CONSIDER

DOING IT WHERE I WANTED
TO DO IT TO BEGIN WITH?

YEAH. WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES IT MAKE?

- WELL, I GOT A BACKUP CAR
RIGHT BEHIND THE HILL.
- YOU DO?

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
WE'VE GOT A PICTURE TO MAKE.

WE'RE ON THE MOVE.

YOU KNOW, EVEN DOING IT YOUR WAY
OVER THERE, IT'S STILL DANGEROUS.

WELL, DANGER I CAN HANDLE. IT'S THE
MYSTERY BEYOND I'M NOT READY FOR.

PRETTY NEAT CRASH, HUH? YEAH.

COLT!

COLT!

COLT! HOW WAS THAT?

TE AMO. I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY.

- AND WHAT ABOUT ME?
- OH, ERES MARAVILLOSO.

THANKS. SO ARE YOU.
YOU LIKE US BOTH?

SÍ, CON TODO MI CORAZÓN.

BIG JACK. COME ON IN. OH!

NO, THANKS. I
UNDERSTAND SPANISH.

AH, WE'RE JUST GETTING SET
FOR OUR PICTURE IN SPAIN.

OH! I'M REALLY
GLAD TO HEAR THAT.

COLT, I NEED YOU TO GO DOWN
AND REVOKE A BOND FOR ME.

YEAH, WHOSE? OH, THIS GIRL THAT
WAS INVOLVED IN THE JEWEL ROBBERY.

YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT THAT.

WELL, WHEN I BAILED HER
OUT, KAY FAULKNER WAS THERE.

SO? HER COMPANY IS
PROBABLY THE INSURERS.

THAT'S RIGHT, BUT KAY WAS
FOR ME BAILING THIS GIRL OUT.

YOU FIGURE KAY WANTS HER TO RUN
SO SHE'LL LEAD HER TO THE JEWELS?

- YOU CAN BET ON IT.
- HOW SURE ARE YOU THAT THIS
GIRL WAS PART OF THE JOB?

HAVE THEY MADE A
POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION?

ABSOLUTELY. AND ONE THAT I
THINK THAT YOU'LL APPRECIATE.

THIS IS A VIDEOCASSETTE THAT
WAS TAKEN AT THE ACTUAL ROBBERY.

HMM.

AND AFTER YOU SEE IT, I
DON'T THINK THERE'LL BE...

ANY DOUBT IN YOUR MIND
AS TO HER IDENTIFICATION.

AN ESTIMATED THREE MILLION DOLLARS' WORTH
OF PRECIOUS STONES AND JEWELS WERE TAKEN.

THE ONLY POSITIVE
IDENTIFICATION WAS A WOMAN

WHO WAS TAPED BY THE
STORE'S SECURITY CAMERA.

WEARING ONLY A BIKINI
UNDER HER MINK COAT,

SHE DISTRACTED THE GUARD FROM
NOTICING HER TWO ALLEGED COMPANIONS.

- WOW.
- WHERE DID SHE
HIDE THE JEWELS?

SHE DIDN'T. TWO
FRIENDS HELPED HER.

AND NOW, COLT, I NEED YOUR HELP.

WHEN ASKED WHY THE
ALLEGED FEMALE ACCOMPLICE

PROVED TO BE SUCH AN
EFFECTIVE DISTRACTION...

HOWIE! HOWIE, YOU'RE
DROOLING ON MY CARPET.

IN A MINUTE, COLT.

SO CHILDISH.

YEAH. YOU SHOULD SEE HIM
WATCHING SESAME STREET.

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.

UH-HUH. I HAVE MY TICKET.

I'M ALL SET.

OKAY, I WILL.

BYE, SWEETHEART.

BYE.

KID, LEAVE THE MOTOR
RUNNING. THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.

COLT SEAVERS. COLT!

COLT!

AH-AH-AH-AH! NO.

HELLO, COLT. YOU SAID YOU'D
NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN.

OH, WELL. THAT WAS
A LONG TIME AGO.

I GOT A HUNCH HISTORY IS
ABOUT TO REPEAT ITSELF.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M GONNA REVOKE HER BOND.

YOU CAN'T... DO THAT. WATCH ME.

COLT, THAT MEANS SHE'S GONNA
GO BACK TO JAIL. THAT'S THE IDEA.

COLT, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO
CAN LEAD ME TO THOSE JEWELS.

AND THAT COULD
COST BIG JACK $50,000.

AND THAT COULD COST MY
COMPANY THREE MILLION DOLLARS.

I THINK THAT'S JUST A
LITTLE BIT MORE IMPORTANT.

I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON
WHOSE MONEY'S GETTIN' LOST.

OKAY.

OKAY.

- IF HE WANTS TO PLAY...
- KEEP AN EYE ON HER, WILL YA?

SHE WON'T GIVE ME ANY TROUBLE. YEAH,
WELL, SHE'S SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS.

YEAH, SO AM I.

HELLO. JINX, THIS IS KAY FAULKNER
FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY.

WE TALKED WHILE
YOU WERE IN JAIL.

WAIT. COULD YOU HOLD ON A SEC?
SOMEONE'S AT THE FRONT DOOR.

DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR. HE'S
THERE TO REVOKE YOUR BOND.

YOU'RE GOING BACK TO JAIL UNLESS
YOU DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU TO DO.

GO OUT THE BACK DOOR,
RIGHT NOW. I'LL PICK YOU UP.

NOW, MOVE!

WHAT'S THE HURRY, KAY? HOWIE!

HOWIE. HOWIE.

HOWIE, GIVE ME THOSE KEYS.
JUST AS SOON AS COLT COMES BACK.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU?
YOU GUYS CAUSE ME MORE TROUBLE...

HEY!

HEY, THAT'S MY TRUCK.
THEY'RE TAKING MY TRUCK!

KID, HOLD IT!

SLIDE OVER, KID.

WHAT'S SHE DOIN' WITH MY TRUCK? YOU
WERE RIGHT. SHE'S SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS.

OH, NO.

HE'S GOT MY CAR.

YOU MEAN, THIS ISN'T YOUR TRUCK?

DO I LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF
PERSON WHO DRIVES A TRUCK?

YOU NEVER KNOW.

WATCH OUT!

MY TRUCK.

WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'!

I'LL KILL HER.

SHE PUTS ONE DENT IN THE FENDER OF MY
TRUCK, I'M GONNA DRIVE THIS THROUGH A WALL!

GEEZ. THAT WAS CLOSE.

DUMB LUCK. SHE COULDN'T DO
THAT AGAIN IN A MILLION YEARS.

I DON'T KNOW, COLT. I THINK
SHE'S A PRETTY GOOD DRIVER.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

NOW, COLT!

DO IT, COLT! SHE'S
BLUFFING. SO AM I.

YOU'RE GONNA HIT HIM!

COLT!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SEAVERS? DO
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS CAR IS WORTH?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I
STILL OWE ON THIS TRUCK?

AND DO YOU KNOW THAT JINX IS RUNNING
DOWN THE STREET AND GETTING AWAY?

♪♪

THERE'S A MAN OUT THERE CHASING
ME! I THINK HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!

HE RIPPED OFF MY DRESS! LOOK!

PLEASE, SIR, HELP ME.

♪♪

I SHOULD HAVE LET
YOU ROT IN THERE.

BOY, DO I OWE HER ONE. BOY,
DO YOU OWE ME 50,000 BIG ONES.

AM I FREE? YES.

GOOD. I NEED THE REST. COLT,
YOU BLEW IT AND NOW SHE'S RUN OFF.

YOU WANT ME TO RUN AFTER
HER? WELL, IT'S ONLY FAIR.

SINCE WHEN DID "FAIR"
ENTER OUR RELATIONSHIP?

IT'S KAY. SHE BEAT
US HERE. YEAH.

YOU'RE GETTIN' FAST, KID. GEEZ!

HI, COLT.

WELL, I'M SO GLAD TO SEE
THAT YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

OH, YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

SAME THING YOU ARE. TRYING
TO FIGURE OUT WHERE SHE WENT.

ANY LUCK? NO.

- MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU.
- OH, YEAH? HOW?

BY SEEING WHAT YOU HID.

I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.

WELL... WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

YOU WOULDN'T DARE. I ALWAYS
LIKED MIXING BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.

ALL RIGHT... ALL RIGHT! YOU WIN.
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE SHE WENT.

UH-UH-UH. SHOW ME.

ALL RIGHT. FIRST I
WANT TO MAKE A DEAL.

THAT DEPENDS ON WHO'S SHUFFLING.
WE CAN BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS...

AND BOTH LOSE OUT, OR WE CAN WORK
TOGETHER AND GET WHAT WE'RE AFTER.

WE'RE AFTER TWO
DIFFERENT THINGS...

YOU WANT HER OUT
OF JAIL. I WANT HER IN.

I AM SURE THAT SHE'S ON HER WAY
TO MEET HER PALS WITH THE JEWELS.

IT'S REAL SIMPLE, COLT.

I GET THE JEWELS, AND LIKE ALL
GOOD HEROES, YOU GET THE GIRL.

MAKES SENSE.

- NO, IT DOESN'T.
- WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IT'S YOUR IDEA.

KID. IT MAKES SENSE.

A BUS SCHEDULE FROM TIJUANA.

NOW, IT'S REAL OBVIOUS THAT
JINX IS ON HER WAY DOWN THERE...

AND SHE'S LEAVING FROM THERE FOR
THAT PLACE THAT'S UNDERLINED, "COLIMA."

AHA. I THINK I GOT IT.

WE CAN ONLY GUESS WHERE SHE'S
GOING AND HOW SHE'S GONNA GET THERE.

SO WE GOTTA COVER ALL THE BASES.
KAY AND I WILL FLY DOWN TO MEXICO.

- KID, YOU DRIVE THE TRUCK DOWN.
- I HAVE TO DRIVE ALL THAT WAY?

FIRST, SEE IF YOU CAN GET ON HER
TRAIL, IN CASE SHE DID TAKE THE BUS.

- SECOND, WE'LL NEED THE TRUCK
TO BRING HER BACK.
- EXTRADITION COULD TAKE FOREVER.

YEAH. WITH THOSE JEWELS,
BRIBERY ISN'T OUT OF THE QUESTION.

THAT'S RIGHT. SO, IT SOUNDS GOOD
ENOUGH, AND I'LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT.

I'M SURE YOU WILL. HOW
CAN YOU TRUST HER?

WELL, I REALLY DON'T.

WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT ARE YOU
INTO, BONDAGE? NO. DISCIPLINE.

OF ALL THE LOW-DOWN DIRTY
TRICKS. I HAD A GOOD TEACHER, KAY.

WE'LL BE IN COLIMA. CALL
ME AT THE HOTEL, KID.

WHICH HOTEL? THERE'S ONLY
ONE. I DID A PICTURE THERE ONCE.

WITHOUT ME?

KID, THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO
YOU, BUT I DID HAVE A LIFE BEFORE YOU.

GRACIAS. PAY THE MAN, SEAVERS.

HA! I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

ME, HAVING A GOOD
TIME WITH COLT SEAVERS.

HIGHWAY ROBBERY. COME ON.

♪♪

KAY, YOU REALLY MUST'VE BEEN SOMETHING
BEFORE INSURANCE THINNED OUT YOUR BLOOD.

OH, I THINK IT'S STARTING
TO THICKEN UP TONIGHT.

♪♪ OH, COLT, DON'T LET 'EM STOP!

HEY, AMIGOS! UH, SOME
MORE NICE MUSIC, HUH?

YOU... REALLY ARE
ROMANTIC, AREN'T YOU?

AH, JUST A TOUCH OF CLASS.

♪♪

OH, COLT, I LOVE
YOUR ROMANTIC SONGS.

I GUESS THEY KNOW ME.

YEAH.

UH, SÍ. UH, UN-UN MOMENTO.

UH, SEÑOR.

♪♪ SEÑOR!

- IS YOUR NAME COLT?
- SÍ.

TELEPHONE. AH, GRACIAS, AMIGO.

WHO'D BE CALLING
ME AT THIS HOUR?

WELL.

- YES?
- COLT, IT'S ME.

WHERE ARE YOU? UH,
A COUPLE HOURS AWAY.

HOW'S IT GOIN' BETWEEN YOU TWO?

LIKE A ROMANCE BETWEEN
A COBRA AND A MONGOOSE.

WELL, YOU THINK SHE'S ON
THE LEVEL ABOUT COOPERATING?

- SHE WOULDN'T KNOW HOW.
- HOW YOU GONNA GET HER OUT OF
THE WAY SO YOU CAN GRAB JINX?

I'LL FIGURE THAT OUT
WHEN JINX SHOWS UP.

- I'M BEGINNING TO THINK
THIS IS A WILD GOOSE CHASE.
- NO, NO, NO.

I DOGGED THREE DIFFERENT
BUSES, BUT I FINALLY FOUND HER.

- HEY, GOOD WORK.
- LOOK, I COULD GRAB HER
RIGHT NOW...

- AND TAKE HER BACK
ACROSS THE BORDER.
- NO, NO, NO, DON'T.

TRYING TO GET HER ACROSS
THE BORDER'S PRETTY RISKY.

IF YOU GOT CAUGHT, THE MEXICAN
POLICE WOULD THROW AWAY THE KEY.

SHE'S GETTING BACK ON THE
BUS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

WELL, STAY WITH HER.

LOOK, I KNOW HOW
ROUGH IT IS, KID.

JUST REMEMBER, IT'S A DIRTY
JOB, BUT SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT.

WELL, THAT WAS THE KID.

HE'S STILL IN THE BOONDOCKS
AND NO LUCK YET. OH, POOR HOWIE.

YEAH, I'LL DRINK TO
THAT. NOT FOR VERY LONG.

AH! HEY, I CAN FIX
THAT. NO PROBLEM.

UH, I GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM.

YOU GOT ANYTHING I CAN
GIVE THE LADY TO, UH...

OH.

- THESE WILL DRIVE HER CRAZY AND, UH...
- OH, NO, NO, NO.

- NO. SHE'S MY WIFE.
- OH.

JUST SOMETHING
TO MAKE HER SLEEP.

SEE, I GOT PLANS WITH, UH,
SOMETHING ELSE A LITTLE LATER.

GRACIAS, AMIGO. MUCHAS GRACIAS.

♪♪

HEY! HEY!

OLÉ! ♪♪

KAY, I'M BEGINNING
TO LIKE YOUR STYLE.

HONEY, YOU AIN'T
SEEN NOTHIN' YET.

MAYBE WE SHOULD MEET
UNDER BETTER CONDITIONS.

OH, I THINK THESE ARE
PERFECT RIGHT NOW.

UH-HUH.

PERHAPS WE CAN IMPROVE THE
CONDITIONS BY MOVING THE PARTY UPSTAIRS.

I THINK THAT IS AN
EXCELLENT IDEA.

"STEP INTO MY PARLOR,"
SAID THE SPIDER.

"WITH PLEASURE," SAID THE FLY.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

KID DRIVES ALL NIGHT LONG
WHILE YOU TWO ARE LIVING IT UP.

IS JINX HERE? YEAH, ROOM 5.

OKAY.

WE'RE TAKING HER BACK NOW.
BUT YOU MADE A DEAL WITH KAY.

OH, NO, NO. YOU KIDDING?
ALL BETS ARE OFF.

SHE DRUGGED ME.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?

OH, I... I DRUGGED HER.

OH, NO. OH!

WHO IS IT?

SAY SOMETHING IN SPANISH.

MESSAGE, SEÑORITA.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? SORRY, MY
DEAR, YOUR BOND'S BEEN REVOKED.

WE'RE GOING FOR A LITTLE RIDE.
YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME.

WE'RE IN MEXICO. THAT'S RIGHT.

COME ON. YOU BROKE YOUR
WORD TO THE COURTS IN L.A.,

SO IT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN DO.

UH-OH. COLT, IT'S JUST
LIKE THAT PICTURE.

- THAT'S RIGHT, SUNDANCE.
- LISTOS.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- "READY."
- ¡APUNTEN!

IS THAT "AIM"? YOU'RE GETTIN'
REAL GOOD WITH LANGUAGES, KID.

HOPE THEY DON'T REMEMBER
HOW THE MOVIE ENDED.

AH, WELL. WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

NOW CAN WE TALK?
AS LONG AS YOU WANT.

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS
WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD STOP YOU.

HOW DID YOU MANAGE THIS?
GRAFT AND CORRUPTION?

CHARM AND COURTESY.

CHARM AND COURTESY.

AND THE PROMISE OF A FEW NEW
UNIFORMS AS PART OF THE REWARD.

NOW DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I HAVE ON MY MIND?

SHOOT. UH, NOT YOU, FELLAS!

GO AHEAD.

WE HAVE TO STOP FIGHTING IF EITHER OF
US ARE GONNA GET ANYTHING ACCOMPLISHED.

NOW, THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE
GONNA GET JINX OUT OF MEXICO...

WITHOUT MY COOPERATION, AND THERE'S NO
WAY I CAN GET THOSE JEWELS WITHOUT YOURS.

NOW YOUR PROBLEM IS $50,000
IN BAIL. ALL RIGHT. I'LL COVER IT.

AND TO SWEETEN THE
POT, I'LL THROW IN ANOTHER

$25,000 IN REWARD
MONEY IF YOU HELP ME.

IT'S A NO-LOSE SITUATION,
COLT. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

THAT SOUNDS GOOD, EXCEPT
FOR ONE SMALL DETAIL... INTEGRITY.

NOW I WAS HIRED FOR
THIS JOB... UH, COLT.

- WHAT?
- COULD WE TALK FOR A SECOND
BEFORE YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND?

WHAT? YOU'RE ABOUT TO MAKE A
MISTAKE, AND IT MIGHT BE OUR LAST.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH PRETENDING
TO GO ALONG WITH KAY'S PROPOSITION?

WHATEVER HAPPENS,
BIG JACK GETS HER $50,000.

IF WE ACTUALLY FIND THE JEWELS, WE'RE
GONNA END UP WITH $25,000 IN REWARD MONEY.

KID, THERE'S MORE
TO LIFE THAN MONEY.

IF WE FIND THE
JEWELS BEFORE KAY,

SHE'S GONNA END UP
LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL FOOL.

NOW YOU'RE GETTING TO ME.
THERE'S ONE MORE THING TO CONSIDER.

WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S
THE WORD FOR "FIRE"?

OKAY.

THANK YOU, CAPITÁN.

VÁMONOS, MUCHACHOS.

FINE! EVERYTHING'S
WONDERFUL... ME!

OH, FOR YOU IT'S
REAL SIMPLE, JINX.

WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER
YOU IS JAIL OR FREEDOM,

FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.

NOT MUCH OF A CHOICE.

SO WHEN DO THEY ARRIVE?

THEY DON'T. THIS WAS A DECOY.

- WHAT?
- IT'S A SMALL TOWN.

THEY FIGURED I WOULDN'T HAVE ANY
TROUBLE TELLING IF I WAS BEING FOLLOWED.

VERY SMART.

SO, WHERE IS THE
REAL RENDEZVOUS?

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF
A PLACE CALLED LAS HADAS?

THE MOST EXPENSIVE
RESORT IN MEXICO?

ALL RIGHT. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

IF IT'LL HELP CATCH THESE GUYS,

MY COMPANY WILL FOOT THE BILL.

OH, YEAH! YAHOO.

ALL RIGHT. IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A DEAL
WITH THE DEVIL, WE MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT.

COME ON.

♪♪

♪ SITTIN' ON THIS BARSTOOL ♪

♪ THE SUN HIGH ABOVE ♪

♪ MAKIN' FRIENDS
WITH THE LOCALS ♪

♪ HOW I MISS MY LOVE ♪

♪ THE SMELL OF SWEET... ♪♪

IT COMES IN BLUE,
YELLOW AND AQUA.

I'LL TAKE IT IN BLUE AND YELLOW.

OH, AQUA IS YOU.

I'LL TAKE IT IN AQUA...
AND BLUE AND YELLOW.

JINX, THAT'S THE... FIFTH
DRESS YOU BOUGHT TODAY.

- YOU TOLD ME
TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- THAT'S RIGHT. WE'RE PARTNERS.

SPEAKING OF DUDS, WHERE'D
YOU GET THESE FANCY THINGS?

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN
ANYTHING BUT COWBOY CLOTHES.

OH, I CHARGED 'EM... TO YOU. OH.

WHAT AM I, NEIMAN MARCUS?

YOU WOULDN'T WANT US TO
STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD.

THAT'S RIGHT. WE GOTTA BLEND
IN TO DO A GOOD JOB FOR YA.

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THANKS, JINX.

DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT THOSE
TWO MEN HAVE BEEN WATCHING US.

- JINX'S FRIENDS?
- WHERE?

YOU TWO WAIT HERE. COME ON, KID.

♪♪

EXCUSE ME. YOU'RE
THE MANAGER, RIGHT?

I AM THE ASSISTANT
MANAGER AT YOUR SERVICE.

THE TWO MEN BY THE FOUNTAIN LOOK
LIKE OLD FRIENDS. DO YOU KNOW THEM?

I DON'T KNOW THEM.
THEY AREN'T REGISTERED.

- COLT, IT'S THEM.
- WE BETTER GET JINX.

WHERE'S JINX? IN
THE POWDER ROOM.

AT A TIME LIKE THIS? WELL, THEY
COULD BE MEETING SOMEPLACE.

COME ON, KID. WE COULD'VE
LOST ALL THREE OF THEM.

WAIT. I SAW HER GO
INTO THE LADIES' ROOM!

BUENOS DÍAS. MUCHO GUSTO.
WHAT DID THOSE TWO MEN WANT?

WHO ARE THEY? I'M SORRY.

- I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DISCUSS
HOTEL GUESTS WITH ANYONE.
- I THINK WE CAN CONVINCE YOU TO.

I LOVE YOU.

OKAY, BYE.

SEE YA BACK AT THE TABLE.

LIKE I SAID, THE LADIES' ROOM.

AH, YOU SURE ARE A GOOD DANCER.

THANKS. SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME I HAD
THE BEST DANCING LEGS SINCE CYD CHARISSE.

WELL, YOU SAW 'EM, DIDN'T YOU?

UH, YEAH, UH... HOW'D YOU
GET INTO THIS MESS ANYWAY?

LOVE. NEVER WAS
VERY LUCKY AT IT.

THAT'S HOW I GOT MY NAME.

WELL, IF YOU'RE THAT MUCH IN LOVE,
WON'T IT BE HARD TO TURN HIM IN?

WELL, WHY SHOULD IT BE? KAY
PROMISED SHE'D GET US ALL OFF.

OH, YOU BELIEVE HER?

YEAH. SURE I BELIEVE HER.

SHE SAYS INSURANCE
COMPANIES ALWAYS MAKE DEALS.

WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU, COLT?
- BULL.

WHOSE, KAY OR JINX? BETWEEN THEM, THEY
THROW MORE SCREWBALLS THAN VALENZUELA.

THAT BUS SCHEDULE
STAYS IN MY MIND.

JINX UNDERLINED
ONE PLACE, COLIMA.

YEAH, BUT SHE BROUGHT US HERE.

COLT. YEAH, I KNOW. I
SAW 'EM. KEEP WALKING.

I THINK YOU TWO ARE PRETTY
MUCH OUT OF BUSINESS NOW.

NO, SEÑOR, I THINK YOU TWO ARE
PRETTY MUCH OUT OF BUSINESS,

- 'CAUSE YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
- COLT.

OH, NO.

FEDERAL POLICE?

WHEW! $500 APIECE FOR
ATTACKING FEDERAL OFFICERS...

GUARDING THEIR
PRESIDENT... WONDERFUL.

IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE. WE LOOKED AS
SUSPICIOUS TO THEM AS THEY LOOKED TO US.

YOU GOTTA LOOK
AT THE BIG PICTURE.

HOWIE, KAY GOT US INTO
THIS STUPID STAKEOUT.

SO, WHAT'S OUR NEXT MOVE?

REVENGE. THAT'S A
PETTY MOTIVE, COLT.

SO WHAT? WHEN YOU PUT IT
THAT WAY, IT MAKES SENSE.

YOU KNOW, IT JUST
DOESN'T ADD UP. WHAT?

WELL, THAT BUS SCHEDULE, THE
UNDERLINED TOWN... THIS WHOLE CIRCUS.

HOLA. UH, THIS IS COLT
SEAVERS. REMEMBER ME?

OF COURSE I REMEMBER
YOU, SEÑOR COLT.

HOW DID THE STUFF
I GAVE YOU WORK?

OH, BELIEVE ME, IT
WAS A KNOCKOUT.

LOOK, I'M EXPECTING A COUPLE
OF FRIENDS TO SHOW UP THERE.

UH, WHAT ARE THE NAMES?

WELL, THEY'RE AMERICANS. HAVE
YOU SEEN ANY STRANGERS AROUND?

UH, THERE WERE TWO GRINGOS
WHO ARRIVED IN TOWN THIS MORNING.

- YEAH?
- THEY ACTED LIKE THEY WERE
WAITING FOR SOMEBODY.

- YEAH. WELL, THANKS.
- SHOULD I TELL THEM
THAT YOU CALLED?

- NO, NO. I WANNA SURPRISE 'EM.
- OH, OKAY. ADIÓS.

THEY'RE THERE. DO
WE GRAB JINX AND RUN?

NO, KAY COULD STOP US AGAIN.

WE WANT TO STOP HER FOR GOOD.

PLEASE HELP ME. HE'S KILLING ME.

OH, NOT THERE!
DON'T HIT ME THERE!

I'M A BLEEDER! NO, DON'T!

WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, AMIGO.

I CAME TO MEXICO TO
GET AWAY FROM VIOLENCE.

FIRST, SHE ENTICED ME INTO HER HOTEL
ROOM AND THEN I WAS THROWN OFF THE BALCONY.

MADRE DE DIOS. THAT'S TERRIBLE.

WHO? WHO DID THIS TO YOU?

HER BOYFRIEND.

WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? SHE'S
PICKING ON SOME OTHER POOR GUY.

THAT'S HER, OFFICER.
THAT'S HER RIGHT THERE.

WE MADE A DEAL. I
GAVE HER 100 PESOS.

WELL, THAT'S ALMOST THREE DOLLARS
AMERICAN, AND THEN SHE STOLE MY WALLET.

- YOU ARE CRAZY.
- THANK GOODNESS
YOU WERE HERE, OFFICER.

A WOMAN LIKE YOU SHOULD STAY
ON THE STREETS WHERE YOU BELONG,

NOT IN A FINE HOTEL
LIKE THIS ONE IS.

WELL, I SURE HOPE SHE DIDN'T
TAKE MY WALLET. IT'S GONE!

- HOWIE! HOWIE!
- YOURS TOO?

HEY, THAT'S MINE.
AND HERE'S MINE!

OKAY. OKAY, LADY.

COME WITH ME. YOU
LET... YOU LET GO OF ME.

YOU ARE NOT GOING
TO GET AWAY WITH THIS!

OW!

IT WORKED.

SORRY.

HE IS NOT HURT! HE
HAS TRICKED YOU!

SEÑORITA, I HAVE BEEN WITH THE
POLICE 15 YEARS. NO ONE FOOLS ME.

WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN
FOOLED. HE'S A STUNTMAN!

SO WHAT? WHAT IS THAT?

THAT MEANS HE KNOWS
HOW TO FALL DOWN.

THAT MEANS THAT HE FELL
OFF THAT BALCONY ON PURPOSE!

OH. OH!

SO YOU WERE
DOUBLE-CROSSING KAY AND ME.

NO. JUST YOU.

WHY DID YOU GO INTO
ROBBERY IN THE FIRST PLACE?

I DON'T KNOW. I WAS DUMB, OKAY?

WHAT MADE YOU SMART?

A GIRL CAN CHANGE HER MIND.

OFTEN.

COLT, ARE YOU SURE YOU JUST
DON'T WANT TO HEAD FOR THE BORDER?

KID, WE'RE GONNA GIVE
TRUE LOVE ONE MORE CHANCE.

YOU SURE HE'S IN THERE?
MM-HMM. IT'S THAT ROOM AT THE TOP.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO.
WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.

I-I GOTTA DO IT ALONE. TH-THAT'S THE
ONLY WAY HE'LL BELIEVE WHAT I TELL HIM.

- THAT COULD
BE PRETTY DANGEROUS.
- BILLY WOULD NEVER HURT ME.

ALL RIGHT. MAKE SURE HE
KNOWS YOU GOT COMPANY.

OKAY.

YOU THINK SHE'S PLAYING
ANOTHER TRICK? NO.

THEN WHY DO YOU LOOK SO WORRIED?

I JUST HOPE HE LIKES HER
MORE THAN HE DOES THE JEWELS.

YEAH, WHO IS IT? IT'S ME, JINX.

SWEETIE.

OH, I MISSED YOU
SO MUCH. ME TOO.

HEY, SWEETHEART.

HEY. LISTEN, WHOSE TRUCK
WAS THAT YOU CAME IN?

OH, JUST SOME FRIENDS
I MET. THEY STILL THERE?

- YEP.
- WHY ARE THOSE GUYS
HANGING AROUND HERE?

UH, BILLY, LOOK, I KNOW WHAT YOU
WENT THROUGH TO GET THOSE JEWELS,

BUT I-I'VE HAD SOME
TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT...

AND WE-WE SHOULDN'T HAVE
DONE IT. WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY?

HEY, BABY, WE'RE FREE AND CLEAR.

I MEAN, THAT'S THREE MILLION
DOLLARS AND YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL?

LOOK, I-I TOLD YOU
I MADE US A DEAL.

WE GIVE BACK THE JEWELS
AND-AND THEY LET US ALL GO FREE.

BILLY, WE-WE DON'T HAVE
A CHANCE OTHERWISE.

JUST THINK OF
EVERYTHING WE WANTED...

THE HOUSE, SOME
KIDS... ALL OF IT.

PLEASE, BILLY. HEY, WAKE UP.

ALL HE WANTS ARE THOSE JEWELS.

WELL, WHY DID YOU WANT
ME TO COME HERE THEN?

WE HAD TO SEE YOU ONE LAST TIME.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN IDENTIFY US.

ENOUGH.

OH, HEY, THERE MUST BE
AT LEAST 20 COPS OUT THERE.

YOU DOUBLE-CROSSED US.

NO, I DIDN'T!

- VERY NICE, CHIEF.
- THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY. YOU'VE
HAD IT. I'M IN CHARGE NOW.

- I SEE YOU BROUGHT
YOUR OLD GANG ALONG.
- NOTHIN' IS GONNA...

STOP ME FROM
RECOVERING THOSE JEWELS.

- HOW MANY JEWELS DO YOU
FIGURE A LIFE IS WORTH?
- STOW THE SENTIMENT.

OKAY, YOU'RE SURROUNDED
AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT.

NOW COME DOWN
WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

WE BETTER DO SOMETHING
BEFORE SHE GETS THAT GIRL KILLED.

YOU GET IN THE FRONT.

THEY'RE GONNA KILL
US! NO, THEY WON'T.

SHE MADE A DEAL.
THEY WON'T HURT HER.

- WE'LL USE HER AS A HOSTAGE.
- GIVE YOURSELVES UP NOW.

I GUESS WE'LL HAVE
TO. I'M SORRY, BABY.

JUST GET ME UP TO THE WINDOW
AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN. I'LL GO FOR IT.

- WHAT IF MY TIMING'S OFF?
- WELL, THERE WON'T BE
A SECOND TAKE, KID. LET'S GO.

HOLD YOUR FIRE! HOLD YOUR FIRE!

- YOU MAKE A MOVE
AND SHE GETS IT.
- TRUE LOVE, HUH?

- I DID IT AGAIN.
- WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH
WE CAN DO.

IF YOU WANT TO KICK
HIM, I'LL UNDERSTAND.

THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY!
COLT, DID YOU GET THE JEWELS?

YEAH. HERE, CATCH.

I ALWAYS END UP THIS WAY.

YEAH, WELL, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE
YOU START IN THE WRONG PLACE.

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH ME?
- SEND YOU BACK
TO MY FAVORITE BARRACUDA.

ME TOO?

NO, YOU'RE GOING TO GO WITH ME.

JAIL? WELL, THEY'LL GO
EASY ON YOU WHEN THEY...

WHEN I TELL THEM HOW YOU
HELPED RECOVER THE JEWELS.

WHAT A JERK I AM!

ACTUALLY, I THINK
YOU'RE PRETTY TERRIFIC.

AND IF YOU START
BELIEVING IT YOURSELF,

THEN THEY'LL START
CALLING YOU "LUCKY."

BIG JACK, YOU GOT NOTHING TO
LOSE. I'M PUTTIN' UP THE COLLATERAL.

JUST GET HER OUT
ON BAIL RIGHT AWAY.

NO, NO, NO! NOT
THE MEN, JUST JINX!

YEAH.

YOU'RE ALL HEART. GOOD-BYE.

YEAH.

UH, YEAH. OH. UH, YEAH. HOLD ON.

IT'S YOUR BOSS. SOUNDS HAPPY.

SO HE SHOULD BE. WE
GOT ALL THE JEWELS BACK...

AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE
A DEAL. WELL, I DON'T LIKE DEALS.

I THINK A PERSON DOES SOMETHING
WRONG, THEY SHOULD GO TO JAIL.

OH, DON'T BE SO
SIMPLISTIC, COLT.

YES, THIS IS KAY.

OH, THANK YOU, SIR. OH, PLEASE.
THERE'S NO NEED TO OVERDO THE PRAISE.

YES, IT WAS A SUPERLATIVE
JOB, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.

OH, THANK YOU, SIR. THANK YOU
VERY, VERY MUCH. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

I WILL SEE YOU FIRST THING MONDAY
MORNING WITH A REPORT IN HAND.

I ORDERED ALL THE GEAR
FOR TOMORROW'S GAG, COLT.

AH, GOOD. GOOD.

COLT, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE HEARING
THIS, BUT YOU HAVE MADE ME A HERO.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
WAIT A MINUTE.

I DON'T THINK THIS GLASS
WAS QUITE THIS FULL BEFORE.

UH, WELL, I POURED
SOME MORE IN FOR YA.

UM, HOWIE, WOULD
YOU MIND GETTING

US A COUPLE OF FRESH
GLASSES, PLEASE?

UH, HOWIE, UH... GET US ANOTHER
BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, HUH?

- WELL, THIS ONE'S ALMOST FULL.
- WELL, IT'S
A TRADITION OF OURS.

- YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
- HAD TO BE THERE.