The Fall Guy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 18 - Child's Play - full transcript

♪ WELL, I'M NOT THE
KIND TO KISS AND TELL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE BEEN
SEEN WITH FARRAH ♪

♪ I'VE NEVER BEEN
WITH ANYTHING LESS ♪

♪ THAN A NINE SO FINE ♪

♪ I'VE BEEN ON FIRE
WITH SALLY FIELD ♪

♪ GONE FAST WITH
A GIRL NAMED BO ♪

♪ BUT SOMEHOW THEY
JUST DON'T END UP AS MINE ♪

♪ IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN'
LIFE I LEAD ♪

♪ I TAKE MY CHANCES ♪

♪ I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN
THE MOVIES AND TV ♪

[Siren Wailing]



♪ BUT THE HARDEST
THING I EVER DO ♪

♪ IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES ♪

♪ KISS SOME OTHER GUY
WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE ♪

♪ I MIGHT FALL FROM
A TALL BUILDIN' ♪

♪ I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MADE
REDFORD SUCH A STAR ♪

♪♪ [Women Vocalizing]

♪ I'VE NEVER SPENT
MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL ♪

♪ BUT I'VE TAUGHT
LADIES PLENTY ♪

♪ IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY
BODY OUT FOR PAY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I'VE GOTTEN BURNED
OVER CHERYL TIEGS ♪

♪ BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH ♪



♪ BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN
THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY ♪

♪ HEY, HEY ♪

♪ I MIGHT JUMP AN
OPEN DRAWBRIDGE ♪

♪ OR TARZAN FROM A VINE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I'M THE
UNKNOWN STUNTMAN ♪

♪ THAT MAKES EASTWOOD
LOOK SO FINE ♪♪

[Colt Narrating] THIS IS THE STORY OF
ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.

I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT
YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.

YOU'VE CHEERED FOR
HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM,

WOMEN HAVE WANTED
TO DIE FOR HIM.

BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY
CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.

HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.

AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN'
SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS...

WELL, BECAUSE IT'S
ME, COLT SEAVERS.

ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T
WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.

SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A
GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.

WELL, ONE WAY IS TO
WAIT BY THE PHONE...

AND WAIT... AND WAIT.

THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL
JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM...

OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA,

WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED
INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.

UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES
A LOT OF THESE PEOPLE...

GET OUT OF JAIL ON
WHAT WE CALL BAIL.

AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.

THAT'S WHERE I COME IN. I SOMETIMES
PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM...

AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.

BUT TODAY I'M DOIN' A
STUNT THAT'S GONNA PUT ME...

RIGHT OVER THE EDGE.

[Man] AND... CUT!

GOOD JOB, JODY, TED.

OH. THANKS.

HERE YOU GO. THAT WAS GREAT.

THANKS. WASN'T BAD, HUH?

I THINK IT WAS YOUR BEST EVER.

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?
WHERE'S EVERYBODY GOIN'?

WELL, IT SEEMS THAT
KAMIKAZE PRODUCTIONS...

HAS RUN INTO A LITTLE
FINANCIAL TROUBLE.

WHAT DOES THAT
MEAN? WHAT... WHAT?

UH, THEY FORECLOSED
TODAY, AND WE'RE SHUT DOWN.

SHUT DOWN? IN THE
MIDDLE OF MY STUNT?

OH, WE GOT IT ON FILM.

IT'S JUST THAT, UH, THE
BANK HAS THE CAMERA.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

NEITHER CAN I. SUPPOSE THE KAMIKAZE
BROTHERS AREN'T AVAILABLE FOR COMMENT.

WELL, NOT RIGHT NOW... BUT THE
POLICE ARE OUT LOOKING FOR THEM.

- POLICE?
- UH, SOMETHING ABOUT
WRITING BAD CHECKS.

INCLUDING THE ONE
THEY PAID US WITH?

YOU GOT IT.

[Groans]

HOW DID I EVER LET YOU TALK ME
INTO WORKING FOR AN OUTFIT LIKE THIS?

WELL, FIRST OF ALL, THEY GAVE US A
FINANCIAL OFFER THAT WE COULDN'T REFUSE.

YEAH, SURE, WRITTEN
ON A RUBBER CHECK.

THEY ALSO AGREED TO GIVE COLT THE
STAR BILLING HE WANTED. YOU REMEMBER?

OH, YEAH. YEAH, YEAH.

YEAH.

HE JUST... TOOK MY CHAIR.

COLT, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? YOU
GOT A TRUCK PAYMENT COMING UP...

NOT TO MENTION THE
MORTGAGE IS DUE.

YEAH, HOWIE, WHAT
ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

DON'T WORRY. I'LL
THINK OF SOMETHING.

I'LL GET US OUT
OF THIS. I PROMISE.

[Colt] WORKING FOR BIG JACK...

ISN'T EXACTLY WHAT I
CALL INSPIRED THINKING.

LOOK, WE COULDN'T GET ANOTHER
STUNT JOB OVER THE WEEKEND ANYWAY.

BESIDES, THIS CASE IS
GONNA BE A PIECE OF CAKE.

SIX COUNTS OF
ILLEGAL BOOKMAKING,

FOUR COUNTS OF CONSPIRACY TO
FIX SPORTING EVENTS, AND CAR THEFT.

WELL, CLYDE DORSETT'S
BEEN A BUSY MAN.

YEAH. THOSE ARE ONLY THE
THINGS HE GOT CAUGHT FOR.

HEY, LOOK. HIS
TRIAL'S ON MONDAY.

HOW COME BIG JACK
WANTS US TO PICK HIM UP?

SHE DOESN'T. WE'RE JUST GONNA KEEP
OUR EYE ON HIM OVER THE WEEKEND...

AND MAKE SURE HE SHOWS
UP FOR HIS TRIAL IN L.A.

THAT REALLY DOES SOUND
LIKE A PIECE OF CAKE. YEAH.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT.
AW, COME ON, COLT.

JUST THINK OF IT AS AN
ALL-EXPENSE-PAID WEEKEND IN SANTA LUISA,

COURTESY OF BIG JACK.

WE'RE GOING OVER TO LET
CLYDE KNOW WE'RE HERE.

WELL, DON'T YOU WANT
TO GO TO THE BEACH?

NO, NO. YOU GO AHEAD. WE'LL BE
BACK BEFORE YOU GET STRAP MARKS.

AND REMEMBER... THE RIGHT PLACE
TO PUT A BLANKET ON THE BEACH...

IS RIGHT NEXT TO ONE
WITH PRETTY GIRLS ON IT.

I'LL REMEMBER THAT.

DADDY?

SORRY. DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST GOT HOME.

IT'S OBVIOUS SOMEBODY WAS
LOOKIN' FOR SOMETHING, HUH?

[Howie] AND THEY DIDN'T CARE
WHAT THEY HAD TO DO TO FIND IT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY
WOULD ANYBODY DO THIS?

WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.

ARE YOU CLYDE
DORSETT'S DAUGHTER?

[Sniffs] UH-HUH.

I'M LIBBY.

WELL, I'M COLT.

AND THIS IS HOWIE.

- HI.
- HI.

NOW, WHERE, UH...
WHERE IS YOUR FATHER?

HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
HOME. I'M REALLY SCARED.

HEY, THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE SCARED ABOUT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
GO FIND YOUR FATHER?

UH, NO, I BETTER WAIT HERE.

HE MIGHT COME BACK.

YEAH, WELL, I DON'T
THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA,

BECAUSE WHOEVER DID
THIS MIGHT COME BACK TOO.

BUT, UH, SEE, MY FATHER TOLD ME I SHOULD
NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITH STRANGERS.

WELL, THAT-THAT'S
A VERY GOOD RULE,

BUT UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES,
YOU SEE, I THINK YOUR FATHER WOULD...

WANT YOU TO COME
ALONG WITH US, DON'T YOU?

WELL, OKAY, BUT,
UH, I HAVE TO CHANGE.

SEE, THIS IS MY GOOD DRESS.
OKAY. WE'LL WAIT FOR YOU.

OKAY.

[Chuckles]

CUTE KID, HUH? YEAH. GONNA
BREAK A LOT OF HEARTS.

SURE IS TAKING AN
AWFUL LONG TIME.

KEEPING A MAN WAITING IS A TRICK
WOMEN LEARN WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE GIRLS.

YEAH. SO'S PLAYING HARD TO GET.

[Colt] HEY. HEY,
WHERE YOU GOIN'?

[Horn Honks, Tires Squeal]

LIBBY?

GET IN THE CAR, LIBBY.
BUZZ OFF, STEWART.

COME ON. WE'RE GONNA
TAKE YOU TO YOUR FATHER.

YEAH, SURE. NICE JOB YOU
GUYS DID ON THE HOUSE.

- BE A GOOD BRAT
AND GET IN THE CAR.
- HEY, HEY. WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

THEY TRIED TO RUN ME OVER, COLT.

THE KID'S LYIN'. SHE RAN
RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF US.

BESIDES, WE'RE GOOD
FRIENDS, AREN'T WE, LIBBY?

I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM
BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

- WE WERE GONNA TAKE HER
TO SEE HER OLD MAN.
- THAT'S A LIE.

WHERE IS HER OLD MAN?

- WHAT'S IT TO YOU, COWBOY?
- WE'RE TRYING TO LOCATE HIM.

WELL, UNLESS YOU AND YOUR
FRIEND WANT YOUR FACES RELOCATED,

I SUGGEST YOU HIT THE
ROAD... NOW. [Vehicle Approaching]

COME ON, KID.

[Tires Screech] HEY, MOVE
THAT TANK, WILL YA?

[Horn Honks] LET'S GO.

- [Horn Honks]
- YOU'LL BE SEEING US.

YEAH, WE'RE LOOKIN'
FORWARD TO IT.

[Horns Honking]

[Tires Squeal]

WELL, UM... HEY, THAT'S MINE!

COLT, THERE MUST
BE FIVE GRAND IN HERE.

WELL, LET ME SEE.

I'M A GIRL SCOUT.
I SELL COOKIES.

[Colt] $5,000 IS AN
AWFUL LOT OF COOKIES...

NOT TO MENTION
GAMBLING RECEIPTS.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT
SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.

I FOUND IT.

I SWEAR.

WELL, OKAY, THEN
IF YOU FOUND IT...

I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGHT THAT
WE TURN IT OVER TO THE POLICE.

POLICE? WHAT ARE YOU BUCKING
FOR, CITIZEN OF THE YEAR?

HEY, YOU DIDN'T FIND THAT MONEY.

YOU KNEW THOSE MEN IN
THAT CAR TOO, DIDN'T YOU?

COME ON. EITHER YOU TELL
US OR YOU TELL THE COPS.

BOY. I WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER
OFF TO GO WITH THE GOONS.

MR. GRAHAM DOESN'T LIKE
PEOPLE THAT SCREW UP,

AND, GEEZ, WE SCREWED
UP TWICE TODAY.

YOU THINK THOSE TWO GUYS
WERE FROM THE D.A.'s OFFICE?

THEY'RE WEARIN' BLUE JEANS
AND THEY DROVE A PICKUP TRUCK.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? MORON.

I THINK I DON'T LIKE
TO BE CALLED MORON.

BESIDES, WHY ELSE WOULD
THEY PROTECT THAT KID?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE
BETTER TELL MR. GRAHAM.

♪♪ [Pop]

♪♪ [Continues] SO, YOU TWO
ARE A COUPLE OF STUNTMEN, HUH?

- I COULD GET INTO THAT.
- LET'S GET INTO WHAT
YOU'RE DOIN' NOW.

WHY DID YOUR FATHER
HAVE YOU PICK UP THE BETS?

SEE, 'CAUSE WHEN I DRESSED
UP IN THAT CORNBALL DRESS...

AND CAME ON WITH THE SWEET TALK,

I COULD HAVE WALKED INTO TOWN HALL
AND TAKEN A PAYOFF FROM THE MAYOR.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT. AN
11-YEAR-OLD BAG LADY.

- WHERE'S YOUR MOTHER?
- SHE WALKED OUT ON US
WHEN I WAS FIVE.

I GUESS SHE COULDN'T GET
INTO THE HOUSEWIFE TRIP.

WILL YOU STOP TALKING
WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL...

AND KEEP YOUR
ELBOWS OFF THE TABLE?

WIPE YOUR MOUTH OFF.

WHAT IS THIS? DINNER
WITH NANCY REAGAN?

JUST DO IT.

LOOK. YOU GUYS
WASTED A TRIP OUT HERE.

MY FATHER'S GONNA
SHOW UP FOR HIS TRIAL.

- YOU'RE SURE OF THAT?
- ABSOLUTELY. WE'RE GOIN' STRAIGHT.

THAT WHY HE'S STILL MAKIN' BOOK?

WE NEEDED A LITTLE EXTRA
BREAD TO START CLEAN ON,

BUT AFTER THAT, IT ALL STOPS.

I MEAN, A LIFE OF CRIME
IS NO LIFE FOR A KID.

I'M SURPRISED I'M
SO WELL-ADJUSTED.

IT'S AMAZING, ISN'T IT?

WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE THAT
YOUR FATHER ISN'T GOING TO JAIL?

WELL, I GUESS I CAN TELL YOU.

AFTER WHAT THE GOONS DID TO THE
HOUSE, IT MUST NOT BE A SECRET ANYMORE.

MY DAD'S GONNA TURN
EVIDENCE OVER TO THE D.A. IN L.A.

GET IT? HE MADE A DEAL?

YEAH. SEE, MY DAD TURNS OVER HIS
BOSS'S RECORDS, AND WE'RE OFF THE HOOK.

DOES HE HAVE THOSE
RECORDS WITH HIM?

WHAT DO YOU THINK
WE ARE, STUPID?

THEY'RE HIDDEN IN A PLACE
NOBODY'LL EVER THINK OF.

OH! IT'S TIME TO MEET MY FATHER.

YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?

SURE. SEE, WE HAVE
THIS BACKUP PLAN...

IN CASE ONE OF US GETS INTO
TROUBLE AND CAN'T GET HOME.

KID, YOUR OLD MAN'S GOT
HIMSELF ONE HECK OF A PARTNER.

♪♪ [Calliope: "The Entertainer"]

[Libby] HE'LL BE IN
THE MERRY-GO-ROUND.

[Colt] YOU'RE SURE? DON'T
WORRY. HE'LL BE THERE.

♪♪ [Continues]

THANKS FOR THE TIP, TOMMY.
MR. GRAHAM WILL RETURN THE FAVOR.

[Libby] DADDY!

NO, NO. HOLD HER. NO.

♪♪ [Continues]

[Tires Screeching]

COME ON! DON'T LET
'EM GET AWAY. GET 'EM!

CALM DOWN, WILL
YA? I'LL GET 'EM.

[Libby] COME ON, STEP ON IT!
YOU DON'T WANNA LOSE 'EM.

HEY, PUT A MUZZLE ON IT. HE'S DOIN'
THE BEST HE CAN. THE BEST HE CAN?

I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE A
COUPLE OF BIG HOLLYWOOD STUNTMEN.

YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK LIKE
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'.

[Tires Squealing]

- [Tires Squealing,
Horn Honking]
- LOOK OUT!

WHOA.

[Libby] WHAT ARE YOU, SUICIDAL?

OR ARE YOU JUST CRAZY? YOU
WANNA CATCH 'EM, DON'T YOU?

YEAH, BUT I'D LIKE
TO CATCH 'EM ALIVE.

- WHOA.
- [Howie] LOOK OUT
FOR THE SCHOOL BUS.

[Tires Squealing]

WAY TO GO, ACE.

LISTEN, YOU GUYS CAN'T
JUST LEAVE ME HERE.

I WANNA COME TOO. FORGET IT,
MUNCHKIN. THOSE GUYS HAVE GOT GUNS.

I'M NOT GONNA BE RESPONSIBLE
FOR A KID GETTIN' KILLED.

WELL, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU
ARE, CAPTAIN COURAGEOUS?

WHERE HAVE YOU TWO
BEEN? IT'S NOT TURNING

OUT TO BE THE CAREFREE
WEEKEND WE PLANNED ON.

- CLYDE'S IN TROUBLE.
- WHOSE KID?

THAT'S CLYDE DORSETT'S DAUGHTER.

I WANT YOU TO LOOK AFTER
HER WHILE WE GO AFTER CLYDE.

- HERE'S HER SUITCASE.
- HI, SWEETIE.

YOU GUYS ARE LEAVING
ME WITH A BARBIE DOLL?

DON'T YOU EVER SAY
ANYTHING NICE ABOUT ANYBODY?

YEAH. YOU HAVE A NICE BOD. WHAT?

WELL, IF YOU DON'T
WANT PEOPLE TO NOTICE,

YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR
YOUR JEANS SO TIGHT.

THEY SHRUNK IN THE WASH.

BE CAREFUL WITH THIS KID.
SHE THINKS SHE'S LIZZIE BORDEN.

- DON'T WORRY. I CAN HANDLE IT.
- THAT'S WHAT WE THOUGHT.

LOCK HER IN THE CLOSET.

[Vehicle Approaching]

♪♪ [Classical]

HELLO, CLYDE.

HOW YOU DOIN', MR. GRAHAM?

I'M, UH... I'M A BIT
DISTRESSED, CLYDE.

IN FACT, I'M RATHER HURT.

LOOK, MR. GRAHAM, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT YOU'VE HEARD...

DON'T TRY TO WEASEL
YOUR WAY OUT OF IT, CLYDE.

MY SOURCES ARE VERY RELIABLE.

- I SWEAR.
- CLYDE, YOU'RE ONE
OF MY FAMILY.

I FEEL VERY CLOSE TO YOU.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET ONE LITTLE
MISGUIDED DIGRESSION END OUR RELATIONSHIP.

- MR. GRAHAM IS A FAIR MAN.
- YES, THAT'S VERY TRUE,
STEWART.

AND AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I'M GOING TO GIVE
CLYDE ANOTHER CHANCE...

IF HE CONFESSES HIS SINS,

AND IF HE GIVES ME THE EVIDENCE
INSTEAD OF THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

LOOK, MR. GRAHAM, I DON'T
WANT TO BE DISRESPECTFUL,

BUT I'VE SEEN A LOT OF
OTHER GUYS CONFESS ALL...

AND END UP ON THE
BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN.

IF I DO HAVE THE
EVIDENCE YOU THINK I HAVE,

IT COULD BE THE ONLY THING
THAT MIGHT SAVE MY LIFE.

YOU KNOW WHY THIS IS SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL MACHINE, CLYDE?

IT'S NOT JUST THE
ARTISTRY OF THE LINES...

OR THE AWESOME POWER
THAT IT HAS UNDER THE HOOD,

BUT IT'S THE TOTAL CONTROL I
HAVE WHEN I SIT BEHIND THE WHEEL.

SEE, IT DOES
ANYTHING I ASK OF IT.

AND IF IT BREAKS DOWN,
I SIMPLY REPLACE A PART,

AND IF ALL THE PARTS BREAK
DOWN, I SIMPLY REPLACE THE CAR.

SEE WHAT I'M GETTING AT, CLYDE?

- I CAN BE REPLACED.
- YOU ALREADY HAVE BEEN.

OH, YOU MADE A
WONDERFUL CROOK, CLYDE.

TOO BAD YOU HAD TO TURN GOOD.

♪♪ [Soft Rock]

- ♪♪ [Continues]
- JUST WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?

TO FIND MY FATHER.
YOU'RE NOT GOIN' ANYWHERE.

- COLT'S FINDING YOUR FATHER.
- THAT STUPID REDNECK...

COULDN'T FIND THE
HOLES IN A BOWLING BALL.

I'M GETTING TIRED OF
THAT MOUTH OF YOURS.

- YOU'VE BEEN CUTTING DOWN
COLT AND HOWIE ALL NIGHT.
- BELIEVE ME, IT'S EASY.

LOOK, BRAT, YOU'VE GOT 10 SECONDS TO
GET IN THAT BED AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH...

- BEFORE I TAKE YOU
OVER MY KNEE.
- SO LONG, SUCKER.

OH, JUST YOU TRY AND GET UP.

WHAT ARE YOU, SOME
KIND OF CHILD BEATER?

NO, I AM AN ADULT WHO'S TIRED OF
LISTENING TO A SPOILED LITTLE GIRL...

WHO THINKS SHE CAN
DO ANYTHING SHE WANTS.

YOU DON'T SCARE ME. I
DON'T WANNA SCARE YOU.

I WAS TRYING TO BE YOUR
FRIEND. WELL, I DON'T NEED FRIENDS.

THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

YOU'RE ALL ALONE EXCEPT FOR YOUR
FATHER, AND HE'S IN SERIOUS TROUBLE.

LIBBY, WE'RE ALL YOU'VE GOT.

HEY, DON'T TRY AND CHEER ME UP.

HONEY. LISTEN, YOU JUST
GOTTA UNDERSTAND SOMETHING,

AND THAT'S THAT WE CARE.

IF ANYBODY CAN FIND YOUR DADDY
IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD, IT'S COLT.

HE'S THE BEST THERE IS.

THE ONLY REASON YOU GUYS ARE
HELPING IS 'CAUSE YOU'RE GETTING PAID.

HONEY, WE'RE BARELY
GETTING PAID ENOUGH...

TO PAY FOR THESE TWO
CRUMMY MOTEL ROOMS.

NOW, PEOPLE DON'T RISK
THEIR LIVES FOR ONLY THAT.

YEAH? YEAH.

HEY, YOU STOP CRYING.

I CAN'T.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY DAD.

I KNOW. I WISH HE WAS HERE.

I KNOW.

[Taps On Glass]

AW, IT'S 4:00. HAVE
ANY LUCK? NO.

HOW'S THE KID?

SHE CRIED HERSELF TO SLEEP.

LIBBY? SHE DOESN'T
KNOW HOW TO CRY.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
HER. SHE'S REALLY A GOOD KID.

I THINK YOU BETTER GO
BACK IN THERE AND CHECK,

AND MAKE SURE SOMEBODY
DIDN'T MAKE A SWITCH.

I THINK YOU GOT THE WRONG KID.

GOOD NIGHT.

YOU SURE LOOK AWFUL
PRETTY TODAY, LIBBY.

THANKS. JODY HELPED
ME WITH MY HAIR.

YOU'RE NOT TALKING
WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL.

LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT
YESTERDAY. I WAS BEING A BRAT.

AND I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT
ALL THOSE NAMES I CALLED YOU.

I DIDN'T MEAN IT.
HEY, FORGET IT.

THANKS. AND I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING
YOU'RE DOING FOR ME AND MY FATHER TOO.

YOU BETTER COOL IT. WE
DON'T WANNA OVERDO IT.

WELL, I MEAN
EVERYTHING I SAY. REALLY.

I JUST HOPE WE CAN FIND HIM. BE A
LOT EASIER IF WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN...

THE LICENSE PLATE
NUMBER OFF THAT SEDAN.

IT'S, UH, 1-E-D-I-0-8-4.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

I REMEMBER THINGS...
EVEN THINGS I DON'T WANNA.

- YOU MEAN YOU'VE GOT
A PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY?
- I GUESS.

[Colt] WE'LL HAVE THE POLICE
RUN A TRACE ON THAT TAG.

UH, CAN I PLEASE BE
EXCUSED TO GO TO THE HEAD?

[Chuckles] I MEAN LADIES' ROOM.

- SURE.
- OKAY.

[Colt] OH! OH, I'M SO SORRY.

IT'S OKAY. GO AHEAD.
WE'LL CLEAN UP.

OKAY. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?
SHE'S ACTING GROWN-UP.

YOU REALLY HAVE A WAY WITH KIDS.

YOU COWBOYS DON'T
KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT KIDS.

SHE NEEDED A WOMAN'S TOUCH.

SOME GENTLE UNDERSTANDING WILL
TURN A KID AROUND FASTER THAN ANYTHING...

EXCEPT FOR MAYBE A JUDO CHOP.

[Chuckles] WELL, I
GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU.

SHE SURE IS A DIFFERENT KID.

- [Truck Starts] -
[Colt] MY TRUCK!

LIBBY. LIBBY.

MY TRUCK!

LIBBY, STOP THAT
TRUCK RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

- NO!
- YOU BETTER LISTEN TO ME,
YOU LITTLE... YOUNG LADY.

I CAN'T GET IT UNDER CONTROL.

HOLD IT!

WATCH IT, KID.

OH, NO.

- SORRY.
- I WAS JUST RUN OVER
BY MY OWN TRUCK.

I'M GONNA PUT THAT KID
OVER MY KNEE. I'LL HELP.

♪♪ [Easy Listening]

[Woman] WALTER,
NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.

[Man] WELL, I SPOTTED A WHALE
OFF THE COAST LAST NIGHT.

BIG DEAL. WELL,
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

THIS IS SANTA LUISA. PEOPLE
COME HERE FOR PEACE AND QUIET.

[Vehicle Approaching] THAT'S
EXACTLY WHY IT'S SO BORING.

[Clamoring]

OH, NO.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I
CALL CRASHING A PARTY.

HOWARD, THIS AIN'T FUNNY.

NOW, GET OUT OF THE TRUCK.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME?

COME ON, GET OUT. NO!

NO. GET BACK. NO. OW! OW!

HELP ME! PUT ME DOWN!

SOMEBODY HELP, PLEASE!
I'M BEING KIDNAPPED! HELP ME!

YEAH, AND HOOK THE WINCH
TO A TREE. PULL THE TRUCK OUT.

SURE THING, COLT. YEAH. TELL
THE PEOPLE THAT OWN THIS PLACE...

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF
THE DAMAGES. OKAY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO HER?

I'M GONNA GIVE HER AN
OLD-FASHIONED SPANKIN'. PUT ME DOWN!

SOMEBODY HELP!

AND DON'T MOVE. MY
LEGS ARE FALLIN' ASLEEP.

- THAT'S TOO BAD.
- LOOK, MACHO MAN,

IF YOU'RE GONNA HIT
ME, GET IT OVER WITH.

I'M NOT BIG ON SUSPENSE. ARE YOU
REALLY GONNA SPANK HER, COLT?

- NO.
- CAN I DO IT?

NO. MY DADDY HIT ME PLENTY
OF TIMES. IT DIDN'T DO ANY GOOD.

YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

ACCORDING TO A STUDY
WE DID AT CORNELL,

CHILDREN OFTEN SEEK
PHYSICAL PUNISHMENT...

AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR AFFECTION.

IS THIS GUY FOR REAL?

LOOK, KID, LET'S GET
ONE THING STRAIGHT.

JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET SPANKED
DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK.

NOW, WE ARE THE ADULTS
AND YOU ARE THE CHILD,

- AND YOU WILL DO
AS WE SAY... DO.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK.

OH, I GIVE UP. GO
AHEAD, KID, BEAT HER.

YOU-YOU'RE INCORRIGIBLE.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS YOU'RE
UNCHANGEABLE... A HOPELESS CASE.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

- WE'RE GONNA TURN YOU
OVER TO THE POLICE.
- POLICE?

YEAH. YOU'LL BE SAFE AND
YOU'LL BE OUT OF OUR HAIR.

- BUT THEY'LL PUT ME
INTO AN INSTITUTION.
- DO YOU HAVE TO, COLT?

- WE DON'T HAVE
ANY CHOICE, JODY.
- [Phone Rings]

YEAH, HELLO?

- THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY.
- OH, YOU MUST HAVE HEARD
ABOUT THE KID.

WHAT KID?

CLYDE DORSETT'S DAUGHTER.
SHE'S A PAIN IN THE NECK.

HE HAS A DAUGHTER? THAT'S AWFUL.

- YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.
- COLT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I CALLED YOU BECAUSE THEY FOUND CLYDE
THIS MORNING WITH THREE BULLETS IN HIM.

- WHAT?
- THEY LEFT HIM FOR DEAD.

- YEAH, BUT HE ISN'T?
- NO, HE'S IN INTENSIVE CARE
AT SANTA LUISA HOSPITAL.

HE'S ON THE CRITICAL LIST.

[Colt] TH-THAT'S TERRIBLE.

I KNOW IT IS, BUT I'VE
TALKED TO HIS DOCTOR, COLT,

- AND THEY THINK
HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
- WE BETTER GET DOWN THERE.

THEY WON'T LET ANYBODY IN WHILE
HE'S STILL IN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT.

OKAY, BIG JACK.
THANKS FOR CALLING.

COLT, I'M SORRY.

YEAH. UH, BYE-BYE.

WHAT DID BIG JACK
SAY? WHAT'S WRONG?

THE KID AND I ARE GONNA TAKE
A LITTLE WALK ON THE BEACH.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, DROWN ME?

COME ON, SWEETHEART.

WALK WITH ME.

NOW I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE.

TALK TO YOU GUYS
WHEN WE GET BACK.

[Door Closes]

[Libby] WHAT ARE WE DOING OUT
HERE? I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE BEACH.

SURE ARE A BRAVE
KID, AREN'T YOU?

THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SETUP. IT IS.

IT'S GONNA BE HARD FOR
ME TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT...

IT'S ABOUT MY FATHER, ISN'T IT?

THOSE GOONS HAVE
DONE SOMETHING TO HIM.

I'M NOT GONNA LIE TO YOU,
LIBBY. YOUR FATHER'S BEEN SHOT.

HE'S CRITICAL. SWELL.

THE DOCTORS SAY
HE'S GONNA MAKE IT.

YEAH, SURE. JUST
LIKE IN THE MOVIES.

HE'S SO STUPID.

I TOLD HIM TO BLOW
TOWN UNTIL THE TRIAL,

BUT NO, HE HAD TO STAY
AND MAKE MORE BREAD.

YOU GOT TO CUT THE
TOUGH-GUY STUFF.

AND DON'T BE
AFRAID TO BE SCARED.

GO AHEAD AND CRY.

YOU GOT IT COMIN'. SHUT UP.

[Sobs]

THAT'S A GIRL.

GET IT OUT.

OH, COLT, I'M SCARED.

WHAT AM I GONNA
DO WITHOUT MY DAD?

HEY, HE'S GONNA
MAKE IT. DON'T WORRY.

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE
SCARED ABOUT. YOU GOT ME.

AND I'M NOT GONNA
LEAVE YOU. [Laughs]

YOU'RE NOT CONNIN' ME, ARE YOU?

[Chuckles] NO, I'M
NOT CONNIN' YOU.

YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME.

I WANNA GO TO THE HOSPITAL.

WELL, I CAN'T PROMISE THAT
THEY'LL LET YOU IN TO SEE HIM.

OKAY. [Sniffling]

[Colt] THERE YOU GO.

HE LOOKED BAD.

WELL, THEN HE MUST BE
BETTER THAN HE LOOKS.

IF THE DOCTOR SAID HE
WAS IN STABLE CONDITION,

HE'LL BE TAKEN OFF THE CRITICAL
LIST IN TWO OR THREE DAYS.

HE COULDN'T EVEN TALK TO ME.

HE JUST BLINKED.

LIBBY, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU
TOLD ME WHERE THAT EVIDENCE IS.

YEAH, I GUESS I SHOULD
TELL YOU. IT'S ALL UP HERE.

WHAT, IN THAT
PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY?

UH-HUH. I GOT IT ALL... NAMES,
DATES, PLACES. ALL THAT JUNK.

NO WONDER THEY COULDN'T FIND IT.

COLT, WE'RE GONNA GET GRAHAM FOR
WHAT HE DID TO MY FATHER, AREN'T WE?

YEAH. AS SOON AS
WE GET BACK TO L.A.

L.A.? BUT HE'S
RIGHT HERE IN TOWN.

WE'RE GONNA LET THE
LAW GET GRAHAM. [Scoffs]

WE'RE GONNA GO BACK AND
SPILL THE BEANS TO THE D.A. IN L.A.

GET IT? THE LAW.
MR. GRAHAM'S ABOVE THE LAW.

HE'D NEVER GO TO JAIL. HALF THE
CITY COUNCIL'S ON THE PAYROLL.

THEN WHY'D YOUR FATHER BOTHER WITH
THE EVIDENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN?

TO SAVE HIS OWN SKIN, BUT HE KNEW
IT WOULD NEVER REALLY HURT GRAHAM.

COME ON. THE D.A.
WOULDN'T HAVE MADE A DEAL...

IF HE DIDN'T THINK HE HAD ENOUGH
EVIDENCE TO PUT GRAHAM AWAY.

BIG DEAL. JAIL ISN'T ENOUGH.
COME ON, COLT, YOU PROMISED.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO
DO, WALK IN AND KILL HIM? YES!

COME ON. YOU DON'T MEAN THAT. BESIDES,
I CAN'T DO THAT. I'D BE BREAKING THE LAW.

I'D BE WORSE OFF
THAN HE IS. SURE.

COME ON. WE'RE GOING
BACK TO THE MOTEL AND PACK.

- [Libby] THAT'S THE GOONS' CAR.
- MUST BE UP WITH JODY AND HOWIE.

YEAH. I GOTTA GET UP THERE.

SO, COLT, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE AREN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING.

WHAT'S THAT? IT'S A STUN GUN.

WHAT DOES IT DO?

IT SHOOTS A BEANBAG INTO A MAN'S
GUT HARD ENOUGH TO DOUBLE HIM OVER.

BEANBAGS? YOU'RE GOING AFTER CRIMINALS
WITH A GUN THAT SHOOTS BEANBAGS?

LOOK, I'M NOT A KILLER. I
TAKE MY PRISONERS ALIVE.

YEAH? WELL, THEY'RE
GONNA TAKE YOU DEAD.

COME ON, COLT. USE A REAL GUN.

YOU JUST HIDE IN THE TRUCK AND KEEP
YOUR MOUTH SHUT. YOU'RE GONNA BLOW IT.

IN THE TRUCK, MUNCHKIN. COME ON.

HURRY. COME ON. [Groans]

[Stewart] ...SIT AND WAIT HERE TILL
YOUR FRIEND COMES BACK WITH THE KID.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL
TELL US WHERE THEY ARE.

WE TOLD YOU. COLT
TOOK THE KID BACK TO L.A.

YEAH. HE TURNED HER
OVER TO THE POLICE.

[Man] I'M LOSING
MY PATIENCE TOO.

MAYBE WE OUGHT TO BEAT
THE TRUTH OUT OF THEM.

WHEN ARE YOU TWO GOONS GONNA
GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULLS...

THAT LIBBY ISN'T IN SANTA
LUISA ANYMORE? [Knocking]

WHO IS IT? [Libby]
IT'S ME, YOU IDIOTS.

[Stewart] IT'S THE KID.

OH. WELL, I'M HERE, YOU
GUYS. TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER.

LIBBY, WHERE'S COLT?

DON'T TRY TO COME AFTER US.

WHAT WOULD COLT DO?

HE'D GO AFTER 'EM
ANYWAY. WELL, LET'S GO.

- [Groans]
- COLT!

- WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
- THEY TOOK LIBBY.

WHAT?

[Tires Squealing] [Groans]

[Groaning]

OH, GOD.

ARE YOU OKAY,
COLT? I DON'T KNOW.

ANYTHING BROKEN?
NO, JUST MY SPIRIT.

COLT?

WHAT? LIBBY DIDN'T GO
AFTER GRAHAM WITHOUT HELP.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOUR BLANK GUN'S MISSING.

WHAT? SHE DIDN'T. SHE DID.

YOU CAN'T LEAVE THAT
KID ALONE FOR A MINUTE.

AT LEAST SHE CAN'T HURT ANYBODY
IF THE GUN'S ONLY FILLED WITH BLANKS.

[Colt] SHE DOESN'T KNOW THAT,
AND THE BAD GUYS DON'T KNOW THAT.

[Tires Squeal]

[Colt] BIG JACK SAYS THIS GUY GRAHAM
HAS A PLACE UP HERE ON SIXTH STREET.

IF I HAD TO GUESS, I'D SAY
THAT'S WHERE THEY'D TAKE HER.

♪♪ [Classical] [Engine Purring]

[Engine Stops] ♪♪ [Stops]

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

YEAH. FINALLY FOUND
HER FOR YOU, MR. GRAHAM.

YOU DIDN'T FIND NOTHIN',
WALNUT BRAIN. I TURNED MYSELF IN.

WELL, SHE DID COME TO THE DOOR,

BUT WE GRABBED HER BEFORE
SHE COULD GET AWAY AGAIN.

I HOPE IT DIDN'T CAUSE
YOU TOO MUCH TROUBLE.

I HEARD ABOUT YOUR FATHER,
LIBBY, AND I'M TRULY SORRY.

WHAT A MIRACLE
HE DIDN'T GET KILLED.

CUT THE ACT, GRAHAM. MY FATHER CROSSED
YOU. YOU HAD TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.

WELL, I'M HERE TO FIX THAT. HOW
VERY INTELLIGENT OF YOU, LIBBY.

BIG JACK SAID THE
SIXTH STREET GARAGE.

MUST BE ON SIXTH STREET, RIGHT?
WE'RE RUNNIN' OUT OF STREET.

COLT, STOP. THERE IT IS.

[Howie] AND THERE'S LOUIS.
LIBBY MUST BE INSIDE, COLT.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
FIND ANOTHER WAY IN.

YEAH, AND FAST.

- THEN I TAKE IT
YOU BROUGHT IT WITH YOU.
- UH-HUH. IT'S RIGHT IN HERE.

- WELL, THEN, LET'S HAVE IT.
- OKAY.

WHAT... DIDN'T YOU FRISK HER?

WHO FRISKS A KID?

UH-UH. DON'T DO IT, STEWART. THIS IS
A REAL GUN, AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.

AH, COME ON, SWEETHEART. YOU
DON'T WANT TO USE THAT THING.

YOU ALMOST KILLED MY
FATHER. NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY.

WE DIDN'T HURT YOUR
FATHER. I SWEAR IT.

COME OFF IT, GRAHAM. YOU DID IT.

LISTEN.

I OFFERED YOUR FATHER A WAY OUT,

BUT HE WASN'T AS
BRIGHT AS YOU ARE.

NOW COME ON, LIBBY. BE SMART.

GIVE ME THE GUN
AND THE EVIDENCE,

AND YOU AND YOUR FATHER
CAN GO AND LIVE IN PEACE.

[Howie] COLT, HOW ARE WE
GONNA GET DOWN THERE?

[Colt] I CAN ONLY
THINK OF ONE WAY, KID.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

HEY! GOOD WORK, LOUIS.

I'LL TAKE THAT.

A VERY FOOLISH
THING YOU DID, LIBBY.

NOW LET'S SEE WHAT
ELSE YOU'VE GOT IN HERE.

[Shouts] [Groans]

[Shouts] LIBBY...

BLANKS!

LIBBY, WILL YOU GET
OUT OF HERE? NO!

HELP! HELP! HELP!

GET OUT OF HERE!

[Libby Shouting] COME BACK HERE.

HELP, COLT!

COLT, HELP! COLT, COME ON!

HELP ME! COLT!

COLT, COME ON! YOU
GET IN THERE. GO ON.

- COLT, HELP!
- I'M COMIN', KID.

COLT, HE'S TAKIN' ME
AWAY. HURRY! HELP!

COVER 'EM, KID.

I'M GOIN' AFTER GRAHAM.

[Tires Squeal]

GET IN THERE AND HELP HOWIE.

SEEMS LIKE YOUR FRIEND
IS COMING AFTER US.

ALL RIGHT, COLT!

YOU KNOW, I THINK I
BETTER PUT ON MY SEAT BELT.

I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA MESS UP... BAD.

[Crash]

AW, COLT, YOU DID IT. JODY'S
RIGHT. YOU ARE THE BEST.

OUT OF THE CAR. COME ON.

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE
RECORDS, THEY'RE NOT IN THE PURSE.

- I HAVE 'EM ALL MEMORIZED.
- YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?

I DON'T CARE,
'CAUSE THE D.A. WILL...

ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ADD
ATTEMPTED MURDER AND KIDNAPPING.

YOU KNOW, COLT,
YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.

MAYBE THE LAW CAN
HANDLE THIS GUY.

YEAH, WELL, I'M
GONNA HANDLE YOU.

YOU KNOW KIDS SHOULDN'T
PLAY WITH GUNS. WELL, YEAH, BUT...

NOT EVEN ONES THAT
JUST FIRE BLANKS.

[Door Closes]

WHAT'S TAKIN' SO LONG? SHE'S
BEEN UP THERE FOR TWO HOURS.

SHE PROBABLY HAD
A LOT TO TELL THEM.

I SHOULD HAVE GONE UP THERE
WITH HER. SHE WAS SCARED TO DEATH.

WELL, THE D.A.
CONTACTED HER AUNT.

I GUESS HE WANTED A BLOOD
RELATIVE TO BE WITH HER.

YEAH. [Door Closes]

[Footsteps Approaching]
HERE THEY COME.

QUITE A JOB. THANKS.

[Indistinct]

WELL, I DID IT, COLT.
I SPILLED THE BEANS.

SHE HAS QUITE AN AMAZING
MEMORY, MR. SEAVERS.

WE HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH
TO INDICT GRAHAM AND HIS MEN.

AND DON'T WORRY. I'LL SEE TO IT THAT
THEY'RE LOCKED UP WHERE THEY BELONG.

I'M PROUD OF YOU, KID.

IF HALF THE THINGS SHE
TOLD ME ABOUT YOU ARE TRUE,

YOU ARE AN AMAZING MAN.

THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR
HELP. I WANT TO THANK YOU TOO.

I THINK LIBBY WANTS
TO TALK TO YOU ALONE.

YES, MA'AM.

DO YOU, KID?

COME ON.

I CAN SEE I'M IN FOR A LOT
OF EMBARRASSING MOMENTS...

WHILE I'M STAYING AT MY AUNT'S.

WHY? I THINK SHE SEEMS
LIKE A VERY NICE LADY.

YEAH. NICE AND DULL.

THE WOMAN'S A VEGETARIAN.

I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME
YOU WANTED TO GO STRAIGHT.

WELL, YEAH, BUT STAYING WITH
AUNT ALICE IS LIKE GOING COLD TURKEY.

I TELL YOU, IF YOU GET THE
URGE TO BE BAD, YOU CALL ME UP,

AND WE'LL GO KNOCK OVER
A BANK TOGETHER, OKAY?

[Laughs] THAT'S FUNNY.

UH, YOU KNOW, COLT, UH,

THIS MIGHT SOUND CORNY, BUT I REALLY
DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO BE SUBTLE.

I, UH... I KIND OF HAVE
A CRUSH ON YOU.

UH, YEAH?

WELL, I HAVE A BIG CRUSH ON
YOU, AND I DON'T CARE IF IT IS CORNY.

THERE'S KIND OF A BIG AGE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, HUH?

A LITTLE BIT,

BUT THAT'S NOT GONNA STOP
US FROM BEING FRIENDS, RIGHT?

RIGHT. BUT YOU
GOTTA DO ME A FAVOR.

TRY BEING A KID AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, YOU GREW UP TOO
FAST, AND YOU MISSED A LOT.

I KNOW.

AND MAKE FRIENDS
WITH KIDS YOUR OWN AGE.

YOU MIGHT HAVE A LOT OF FUN.

KIDS MY OWN AGE ARE SO IMMATURE.

HEY. [Sighs] BUT
FOR YOU I'LL TRY.

THAT'S MY GIRL.

HERE.

BET ON IT, COLT.
THE RACE IS FIXED.

"DADDY'S GIRL IN THE
SEVENTH." [Chuckles]

THAT LITTLE MUNCHKIN.