The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 5, Episode 22 - All by Herself - full transcript
♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH,
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN',
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
GOOD NIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU,
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE ANYONE'S
BEEN UP IN THAT ATTIC.
OH, DID YOU FIND
ANYTHING UP THERE
FOR THE CHARITY AUCTION?
JUST A LOT OF JUNK.
OH, I REMEMBER THESE.
THE MILKMAN USED TO DELIVER
THEM RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR.
I SAW A BOTTLE JUST LIKE THIS
AT THE POUGHKEEPSIE
FLEA MARKET FOR 20 BUCKS.
AND THAT'S WITHOUT THE MILK?
WHAT A PERFORMANCE!
IT WAS AMUSING, IT WAS MOVING.
IT WAS A GERI TYLER
TOUR-DE-FORCE.
THIS IS TRUE. WHAT HAPPENED?
WE JUST CAME BACK FROM THE
WOMEN'S ASSISTANCE SOCIETY
THEY WERE GONNA
DONATE THE PROCEEDS
OF THIS YEAR'S AUCTION
TO SAVE THE SALMON.
BUT I TOLD THEM ABOUT THE
SCHOOL I WENT TO IN MANHATTAN.
THE BUILDING IS FALLING APART.
GERI CONVINCED THEM
TO GIVE ALL THE MONEY
TO THE ST. MARTIN'S SCHOOL
FOR HANDICAPPED CHILDREN.
AFTER ALL THEY DID FOR ME, THIS IS A
CHANCE TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING BACK.
OH, GERI, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S TOUGH FOR THE
SALMON, THOUGH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, FIGHTING
THEIR WAY UPSTREAM
THROUGH POLLUTED WATERS
ONLY TO SPAWN AND DIE,
WITHOUT EVER KNOWING...
TOOTIE! CAN THE SALMON.
ANYWAY, THE MEMBERS
OF THE SOCIETY
WERE SO IMPRESSED THEY
ASKED MY COUSIN HERE
TO SERVE AS
CHAIRMAN OF THE EVENT.
THAT'S GREAT!
I'M GONNA MAKE THIS AUCTION
A BIG SUCCESS. ALL RIGHT.
SHE'S ALREADY ON
THE RIGHT TRACK.
SHE'S APPOINTED ME
HER ASSISTANT CHAIRMAN.
SO, WHERE DO YOU START?
WELL...
THERE IS THE AUCTION
BANQUET FOR 200 PEOPLE.
AND WE'LL CATER IT.
AT COST?
WE'RE BUSY.
JO, IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
MAKING A PROFIT IS
A GOOD CAUSE, TOO.
YEAH, BUT JO, JUST...
THINK OF THE IMPRESSION
WE'LL MAKE ON ALL THE
PILLARS OF THE COMMUNITY.
MRS. G, YOU DON'T MAKE
MONEY ON GOOD IMPRESSIONS.
TELL THAT TO RICH LITTLE.
I KNOW.
WE COULD SERVE INDIVIDUAL
ROCK CORNISH GAME HENS.
GAME HENS?
MORE LIKE INDIVIDUAL SNACK
PACKS FROM THE COLONEL.
JO, IT'S A SOCIETY DINNER.
ALL RIGHT, SO WE'LL
GET EXTRA CRISPY.
I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE CITY.
I'M GOING OVER
PLANS FOR THE SCHOOL
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
IN THE MEANTIME, WHY DON'T
YOU GET THINGS UNDERWAY?
OKAY, I THINK THE FIRST THING
WE NEED IS A LETTER TO
POSSIBLE CONTRIBUTORS.
NATALIE, THAT'S YOUR DEPARTMENT.
I GOT IT. I'LL WORK ON GUILT.
I'LL TELL THEM THEY'RE LUCKY
TO HAVE ALL THE WONDERFUL
THINGS THEY HAVE.
AND THEY SHOULD REALLY
BE THANKFUL BECAUSE...
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SEND THEM
THE LAST LETTER FROM MY MOTHER.
TOOTIE, YOU CAN
HELP BY SENDING OUT
PRESS RELEASES TO
ALL THE NEWSPAPERS.
DON'T FORGET THE
LOCAL RADIO STATIONS.
I SEE I'M LEAVING THINGS
IN CAPABLE HANDS.
I'LL HAVE A FULL PROGRESS
REPORT WHEN YOU GET BACK.
THANKS FOR HELPING.
HEY, WHAT'S AN
ASSISTANT CHAIRMAN FOR?
WORK HARD.
REMEMBER, IT'S FOR GERI'S KIDS.
THE ST. MARTIN'S SCHOOL.
THE PICTURES WILL BE
PERFECT FOR THE SOCIETY PAGE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR COLUMN
IS ALWAYS THE HIGH POINT
OF MY DAY, MR. PRENTISS.
I LOST FEELING IN MY TONGUE.
BLAIR HASN'T.
WHAT? MY VOICE IS
MUSICALLY ENTRANCING?
WHY, THANK YOU,
I'VE NEVER HEARD IT
DESCRIBED EXACTLY
THAT WAY BEFORE.
BLAIR WARNER. B-L-A-I-R.
AND MENTION GERI.
RIGHT, AND COULD
YOU MENTION THAT
THAT MY COUSIN GERI TYLER
IS CHAIRMAN FOR THE EVENT?
OKAY, WELL, THANKS AGAIN.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH, BYE-BYE.
OH! HOORAY! WE'RE OUT OF STAMPS.
OH NO, WELL, ONE OF YOU WILL
JUST HAVE TO SCOOT
DOWN TO THE POST OFFICE
AND PICK UP SOME.
SORRY, BLAIR. IT'S 3:30.
NATALIE AND TOOTIE ARE MINE.
OH, COME ON. JUST
15 MORE MINUTES.
NO, NO.
FROM 1:00 TO 3:30,
THEY WORK FOR YOU.
3:30 TO DINNER,
THEY WORK FOR ME.
AND AFTER DINNER, THEY
DO THEIR HOMEWORK.
TONIGHT WE GO OVER
THE WALL. PASS IT ON.
COME ON, MRS.
GARRETT, GO EASY ON US.
WE'RE POOPED.
BLAIR'S BEEN WORKING OUR
LITTLE FINGERS TO THE NUBBINS.
AND I GOT A PAPERCUT
ON MY TONGUE.
I DON'T KNOW, SEEMS TO ME THAT,
WHEN I WAS A GIRL, I
HAD A LOT MORE ENERGY.
THINGS WERE EASIER THEN.
PEOPLE BROUGHT
MILK TO YOUR DOOR.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
JO, ARE YOU GOING OUT?
YEAH, I GOTTA DROP
THESE CHECKS OFF.
ARE YOU GOING BY
THE POST OFFICE?
I GUESS.
COULD YOU DROP THESE OFF FOR ME?
YEAH, SURE.
OH, AND, UH, WHILE YOU'RE THERE,
COULD YOU PICK UP
SOME STAMPS FOR ME?
I GUESS.
THE LITTLE BLUE ONES
THAT COMMEMORATE
THE FIRST VISA CARD.
OH, AND WHILE
YOU'RE ON THAT... NO!
THANK YOU.
HI, GERI. BYE, GERI.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.
GERI, YOU'RE BACK EARLY.
HOW DID IT GO AT ST. MARTIN'S?
NOT TOO BAD. THEY'RE PUTTING
UP A STATUE IN MY HONOR.
HOW'S IT GOING HERE?
BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.
OH, I'VE GOT A LOT TO TELL YOU.
DID NATALIE FINISH
THE LETTER YET?
OH YEAH, UM,
HERE'S A COPY OF IT.
JO'S MAILING THE REST OF THEM.
HOW COME YOU SIGNED THESE?
WELL, I WANTED TO GET
THEM OUT RIGHT AWAY,
AND I FIGURED THE
WARNER NAME WOULD
HAVE A CERTAIN
RECOGNITION VALUE.
ANYWAY, WE'VE GOT A HALL...
WHOA! SLOW DOWN.
OH, I'M SORRY.
OKAY, FIRST,
I TALKED TO THE MANAGER
OF THE SHRINE AUDITORIUM.
HE SAID IT WAS FREE
ON THE 20th, SO I TOOK IT.
WHAT ABOUT THE COMMUNITY CENTER?
IT HAS A BIGGER KITCHEN.
OH, NO, BUT THE SHRINE
WILL PROVIDE GUYS
TO PARK THE CARS.
AND AS MOTHER SAYS,
"CHARITY BEGINS
WITH VALET PARKING."
AND I'VE ALSO COME UP WITH
A THEME FOR THE EVENING.
"THE GAY '90s."
I'VE ORDERED STRAW
HATS AND SUSPENDERS
FOR ALL THE VOLUNTEERS.
BLAIR...
YOU SHOULD DISCUSS
THESE THINGS WITH ME FIRST
BEFORE YOU JUST GO
AHEAD AND DO THEM.
WELL...
YOU TOLD ME TO GO AHEAD
AND GET THINGS UNDER WAY.
EXCUSE ME, GIRLS,
BUT MRS. MORRIS
OF THE ASSISTANCE
SOCIETY IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT?
WELL, SHE HAD AN APPOINTMENT
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
SO WE CHANGED TOMORROW'S
MEETING TO TODAY.
BLAIR, I WASN'T DUE
BACK UNTIL LATER.
WHAT IF I HADN'T BEEN HERE?
WELL, SHE'S WAITING, GIRLS.
WHAT SHOULD I TELL HER?
UH, TELL HER TO COME ON IN.
BLAIR, I'M NOT PREPARED.
NOT TO WORRY.
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.
HELLO, GIRLS.
HI, BLAIR.
MRS. MORRIS, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GERI JUST GOT BACK
FROM MANHATTAN.
GOOD, DID YOU
SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL?
I DID, AND THEY
WERE VERY GRATEFUL.
OH, WELL, I'M GLAD.
I'M IN A BIT OF A RUSH.
SO LET'S JUST...
COVER AS MANY THINGS AS WE CAN.
NOW, WHAT LOCATIONS
ARE WE CONSIDERING?
I WAS JUST TELLING GERI,
WE'VE COME UP WITH
THE SHRINE AUDITORIUM.
WONDERFUL.
DO WE HAVE A TRUCK TO CARRY
THE AUCTION ITEMS
TO THE WAREHOUSE?
WELL, I REALLY
HAVEN'T HAD TIME...
I'VE ALREADY ARRANGED THAT.
DADDY'S LENDING US
A COUPLE OF HIS VANS
AND ONE OF HIS WAREHOUSES.
HOW DARLING OF HIM.
DARLING AND DEDUCTIBLE.
GOOD WORK.
NOW, UH, ANY IDEAS
FOR AN OVERALL
THEME FOR THE EVENING?
WELL, WE'VE HAD
A COUPLE OF IDEAS.
HOW ABOUT THE GAY '90s?
I THINK IT'D BE FUN, YOU KNOW,
STRAW HATS, SUSPENDERS.
GREAT. GO AHEAD AND ORDER THEM.
I ALREADY DID.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE
TO REACH ME IF YOU NEED ME.
BLAIR, YOU HAVE
DONE A FABULOUS JOB
AND IN SUCH A SHORT TIME.
BUT I DON'T HAVE
TO TELL YOU THAT.
OH, GO AHEAD, TELL ME.
YOU ARE A MARVEL.
BYE, GERI. BYE.
THANK YOU, BLAIR.
ALL THIS IS OKAY
WITH YOU, ISN'T IT?
WHAT DO YOU CARE?
I'M ONLY THE CHAIRMAN.
WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU'D BE PLEASED.
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO
MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU.
WHAT AM I, AN
OVERSIZED POSTER CHILD?
GERI, YOU SEEM UPSET.
I GO AWAY FOR ONE DAY.
YOU TOLD ME TO
GET THINGS STARTED.
AND THAT WAS MY
LAST OFFICIAL ACT.
YOU CAME UP WITH THE
ST. MARTIN'S SCHOOL.
THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART.
OH, I GET IT. I
PICK THE CHARITY,
AND YOU DO THE REAL WORK.
WELL, I DO HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE.
AND I DO HAVE C.P.
GERI, COME ON.
YOU DON'T THINK I CAN
HANDLE A JOB LIKE THIS, DO YOU?
SURE, YOU CAN.
GOOD, THEN I'LL
TAKE IT FROM HERE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR ALL YOUR HELP.
BUT I WON'T BE
NEEDING YOU ANYMORE.
GERI, COME ON.
DON'T BE LIKE THAT.
BLAIR, BUTT OUT!
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF GERI WANTS
HARD LIQUOR OR WINE OR BOTH.
HEY, I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU.
I'M A MINOR.
RIGHT, OKAY, I'LL
HAVE GERI CALL YOU
AS SOON AS SHE GETS IN.
RIGHT. GOOD-BYE.
HOW MANY OF THESE DO WE MAKE?
I DON'T KNOW.
JUST KEEP MAKING
THEM UNTIL I SAY STOP!
WHAT MRS. GARRETT
IS SAYING, TOOTIE,
IS THAT GERI HASN'T TOLD HER
HOW MANY PEOPLE THERE WILL
BE AT THE AUCTION DINNER TONIGHT.
OH, YOU'RE NOT STARTING
THAT AGAIN, ARE YOU, BLAIR?
OH, NO NO NO, I'M OUT OF IT.
HEY, IF GERI WANTS TO RUN THE
WHOLE SHOW, THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
YOU ARE GONNA START
UP AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?
MRS. G, I GOT 200
GAME HENS BACK HERE.
HOW MANY DO I STUFF?
I DON'T KNOW YET.
WELL, CAN'T WE JUST FREEZE
THE HENS AND DO WHAT I SAID?
I AM NOT GOING TO SERVE CHILI
AT $20 A PLATE.
CHILI IS SO SENSIBLE.
YOU MEAN CHEAP.
FLEXIBLE.
IF WE NEED MORE,
WE JUST THROW IN
ANOTHER CAN OF BEANS.
OH, COME ON, WHAT
ARE WE TALKING HERE?
85 CENTS?
JO...
YOU ARE THE STINGIEST
TEENAGER I HAVE EVER MET.
THANK YOU.
COME ON, LET'S GET STUFFING.
CAN I HELP YOU?
YES, I'D LIKE A DOZEN OF YOUR
HAM-AND-CHEESE CROISSANTS.
OH, I KNOW WE HAVE
SOME IN THE OVEN...
UM, THEY SHOULD BE OUT,
I'LL SEE IF THEY'RE HERE.
HELLO, EDNA'S EDIBLES.
NO, GERI IS NOT HERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
A YELLOW SHEET OF PAPER
WITH A LOT OF NUMBERS ON IT?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL LOOK.
WHERE DOES THIS GO?
NOWHERE.
LOOK, A GUY WITH A
TRUCK WAS TO PICK THIS UP
AND TAKE IT TO THE AUCTION.
HE DIDN'T.
I TOOK IT TO THE
COMMUNITY CENTER.
NOBODY WAS THERE.
NOW, THIS IS WHERE
GERI TYLER LIVES, RIGHT?
IF WE SAID NO, WOULD
YOU TAKE IT AWAY?
LOOK, IF YOUR WIFE BOUGHT THIS
AND YOU HAD TO STARE
AT IT FOR 10 YEARS,
AND THEN FINALLY YOU
FOUND A WAY TO GET RID OF IT,
WOULD YOU TAKE IT BACK?
WELL... ENJOY!
BY THE WAY, WE'RE
RUNNING A SPECIAL TODAY.
WITH EVERY DOZEN
HAM-AND-CHEESE CROISSANTS,
YOU RECEIVE ONE OF THESE.
GEE, MAYBE NEXT TIME.
HELLO. NO, NO, I'M
SORRY. I CANNOT FIND IT.
NO, SHE DIDN'T TELL
ME WHERE SHE PUT IT.
SHE DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING.
COULD SHE CALL YOU
WHEN SHE GETS IN?
RIGHT. GOOD-BYE.
THERE ARE TWO THINGS
I DON'T UNDERSTAND...
WHY GERI REFUSES TO LET US HELP,
AND WHAT'S THAT AWFUL
STATUE DOING IN THE SHOP?
IT'S GETTING IN THE WAY.
COME ON, WE'D BETTER MOVE IT.
IT'S HEAVY, SO WATCH OUT.
WHERE DID IT COME FROM?
BE CAREFUL. OKAY.
EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
THIS... 320 MAIN STREET, IS IT?
MAYBE YES, MAYBE NO.
I HAVE AN ORDER OF FLOWERS HERE.
OH, THEN YES, IT IS.
OH, GOOD, GOOD. ALL RIGHT.
BRING THEM IN, BOYS.
WHERE DID THESE
FLOWERS COME FROM?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THERE'S A NOTE.
WELL, WHO SENT THEM?
HMM, OH, IT'S... GERI TYLER.
HE MUST LIKE ONE
OF YOU GALS A LOT.
HE'S A SHE!
OH, WELL, THAT'S NONE
OF MY BUSINESS, IS IT?
NOW LOOK, THESE FLOWERS HAVE
BEEN IN MY SHOP ALL MORNING LONG.
AND NO ONE TOLD ME
WHERE TO TAKE THEM.
THEY'RE NOT FOR US,
THEY'RE FOR THE AUCTION.
LOOK, GERI TYLER ORDERED THEM,
AND IF GERI TYLER WANTS
THEM TO GO SOMEPLACE ELSE,
HE CAN TAKE THEM THERE HIMSELF.
COME ON, BOYS.
GIRLS.
GIRLS, I NEED YOU TO HELP...
OH, MY!
OH, MY!
LOOKS LIKE THE
ROSE PARADE IN HERE.
CAN YOU SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
THE PHONE NUMBER OF
THAT TRUCKER GERI HIRED?
I'LL TRY.
AND, JO, CALL THE
COMMUNITY CENTER
AND SEE IF GERI'S THERE.
NATALIE, MAKE SURE
THERE AREN'T ANY
CUSTOMERS LOST IN HERE.
AND-AND-AND-AND BLAIR...
DON'T YOU SAY A WORD!
I FOUND HER. SHE JUST CAME IN.
OH, NO.
GERI, THANK
GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
SORRY, I WAS WITH
THE AUCTIONEER.
WE'VE GOT TO GET ALL
OF THIS OUT OF MY STORE.
DON'T WORRY. I'LL TAKE
CARE OF EVERYTHING.
UH, WERE THERE ANY CALLS?
YEAH, ABOUT TWO DOZEN.
THERE'S SOME ON YOUR DESK, TOO.
GERI, I NEED TO KNOW
HOW MANY HENS TO MAKE.
LET ME CHECK MY LIST.
GERI, THIS IS THE GUY
WITH THE SOUND SYSTEM.
HE SAID CALL HIM
BACK IMMEDIATELY.
BEFORE YOU DO THAT,
COULD YOU TELL ME
HOW MANY HENS TO MAKE?
GERI, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME WHAT TO SAY?
AND I'LL CALL HIM FOR YOU.
NO, I'LL DO IT.
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.
NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T.
MY STORE IS A GREENHOUSE.
THERE'S A NAKED MAN IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
AND I STILL DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY HENS TO MAKE.
WILL SOMEBODY GET THAT?
GERI, WHY DON'T YOU
LET NATALIE AND I HELP?
WE'RE TWO ABLE
BODIES WILLING TO SERVE.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
WHAT?
YOU'RE ABLE BODIES, AND I'M NOT?
OH, GERI!
GERI, MRS. MORRIS
IS ON THE PHONE.
SHE'S AT THE CENTER
AND SAID YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO MEET HER THERE.
OH NO, TELL HER I
LEFT TEN MINUTES AGO.
WHAT A DISASTER.
A FIASCO OF THE FIRST ORDER.
I CANNOT BELIEVE WE
WERE SHORT 25 DINNERS.
HOW COULD GERI MAKE
THAT BIG A MISTAKE?
I TOLD HER THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
I TOLD HER SHE
COULDN'T DO IT HERSELF.
BLAIR, ONE MORE "I TOLD YOU SO,"
AND I'M GONNA STAPLE
YOUR LIPS TO THE TABLE.
PLEASE, GIRLS. I'M TIRED.
OH, I JUST DON'T KNOW
HOW WE MADE THOSE GAME HENS
STRETCH TO FEED
ALL THOSE PEOPLE?
WE DIDN'T.
SOME PEOPLE WOUND UP
WITH A MOUND OF STUFFING
AND A WING.
AND THOSE WINGS ARE SO SMALL.
OH, WELL, AT LEAST EVERYBODY
WAS A GOOD SPORT ABOUT IT.
OH, SURE, THEY WERE.
AFTER YOU PROMISED
EACH ONE OF THEM
A FREE FAMILY-SIZED QUICHE.
WELL, JO, THOSE QUICHES
WON'T COST US THAT MUCH.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY COST.
YOU DON'T? OKAY, I
CARE WHAT THEY COST.
BUT I CARE MORE
WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
COME, MRS. G, WE
CATERED THIS THING.
HOW IS IT GONNA LOOK?
"EDNA'S EDIBLES, THE PLACE
THAT SCREWED UP THE AUCTION"?
WELL, IT WASN'T ALL SCREWED UP.
AFTER ALL, THEY
DID RAISE $11,000.
BESIDES... WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.
WELL, I THINK WE COULD ALL USE
A NICE, PIPING HOT
CUP OF POSTUM.
WHAT'S POSTUM?
PROBABLY SOMETHING THEY
USED TO DELIVER TO YOUR DOOR.
NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE
HAPPENED IF SHE'D LISTENED TO ME.
THAT WAS AN "I TOLD YOU
SO." WHERE'S THE STAPLER?
BUT YOU GOTTA
ADMIT IT, I'M RIGHT.
NO, I DON'T. IF
YOU ASK ME, BLAIR,
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS MESS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU WANT ME TO SAY I'M AT FAULT
BECAUSE I'M AN
EFFICIENT ORGANIZER?
YEAH, JUST LEAVE OUT
THE EFFICIENT ORGANIZER PART.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.
BEFORE I WAS SO
RUDELY DISMISSED,
I WAS DOING A TERRIFIC JOB.
THAT WAS THE PROBLEM.
YOU WERE DOING THE WHOLE JOB.
THAT GOT GERI MAD,
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
ALL I DID WAS MAKE
A FEW PHONE CALLS...
AND SIGN SOME LETTERS,
AND RENT THE TRUCKS...
AND RENT THE HALL,
TALK TO THE NEWSPAPERS.
HI, GERI, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
THAT GOOD, HUH?
OH, LISTEN, TELL MRS. G
I'M GONNA PASS ON THAT
ROASTUM STUFF, WHATEVER IT IS.
WHAT A NIGHT.
IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO
APOLOGIZE TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE.
BUT GERI, THE DECORATIONS
WERE BEAUTIFUL,
AND THE STROLLING
MUSICIANS WERE WONDERFUL.
AT LEAST THERE WERE
ENOUGH OF THEM TO GO AROUND.
AH, COME ON, ANYBODY COULD'VE
MADE THAT MISTAKE
WITH THE GUEST LIST.
THAT'S NOT WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY.
THEY'LL SAY THAT A
CRIPPLED GIRL COULDN'T CUT IT.
OH, UM, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'D SAY.
I'D SAY IT WAS THE GIRL
WITH THE CHIP ON HER
SHOULDER WHO COULDN'T CUT IT
THE ONE WHO HAD
TO DO IT ALL ALONE
BECAUSE SHE HAD
TO PROVE SOMETHING.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
IF BLAIR COULD DO IT
ALONE, WHY COULDN'T I?
I WASN'T DOING IT ALONE.
I HAD NATALIE WORKING,
AND I HAD TOOTIE WORKING,
I... I EVEN HAD JO WORKING.
LISTEN, WHEN YOU FIRED ME,
YOU PUT A LOT OF
PEOPLE OUT OF WORK.
EVERYBODY WAS WORKING BUT ME?
I'M SORRY.
MAYBE I STEAMROLLED OVER YOU.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP.
PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY
THEY WANNA HELP YOU.
WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN IS
THEY WANT TO DO IT FOR YOU.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY.
FACE IT, BLAIR.
YOU CAN WALK FASTER,
AND YOU CAN TALK FASTER.
AND YOU THINK THAT MEANS
THAT YOU CAN DO IT BETTER.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
NEXT TIME, JUST
TELL ME TO BACK OFF.
I DID.
GERI.
YOU DIDN'T TELL
BLAIR TO BACK OFF.
YOU TOLD HER TO GO AWAY.
YOU TOLD EVERYONE TO GO AWAY.
MRS. GARRETT, DON'T
YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M HANDICAPPED.
IF I DON'T DO IT ALONE,
PEOPLE WILL THINK
I CAN'T DO IT AT ALL.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
BLAIR, NOBODY THOUGHT
I COULD RIDE A BIKE
OR RIDE A SKATEBOARD
UNTIL I DID IT.
IT'S THE SAME THING.
NO, IT'S NOT.
GERI... THAT AUCTION...
WAS NOT A PERSONAL CHALLENGE.
IT WAS A JOB.
A VERY BIG JOB.
AND YOU NEEDED HELP.
NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE HANDICAPPED,
BUT BECAUSE YOU'RE HUMAN.
I GUESS BEING HUMAN ISN'T
THE WORST THING I COULD BE.
LISTEN, WHY DON'T
WE GET SOME SLEEP?
YOU KNOW, TOMORROW'S
GONNA BE A VERY BUSY DAY.
I'LL SAY.
I HAVE 25 QUICHES TO MAKE.
UM, YOU WANT A LITTLE HELP?
NO.
I WANT A LOT OF HELP.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGING ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR THEM
FROM YOUR BROTHER, ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR THEM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU WILL NEVER MAKE
IT THROUGH WITHOUT ♪
♪ THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE
FACTS OF LIFE...♪♪
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪
♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH,
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪
♪ YOU'RE GROWIN',
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪
♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪
♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ YOU ♪
♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪
GOOD NIGHT.
LET ME TELL YOU,
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE ANYONE'S
BEEN UP IN THAT ATTIC.
OH, DID YOU FIND
ANYTHING UP THERE
FOR THE CHARITY AUCTION?
JUST A LOT OF JUNK.
OH, I REMEMBER THESE.
THE MILKMAN USED TO DELIVER
THEM RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR.
I SAW A BOTTLE JUST LIKE THIS
AT THE POUGHKEEPSIE
FLEA MARKET FOR 20 BUCKS.
AND THAT'S WITHOUT THE MILK?
WHAT A PERFORMANCE!
IT WAS AMUSING, IT WAS MOVING.
IT WAS A GERI TYLER
TOUR-DE-FORCE.
THIS IS TRUE. WHAT HAPPENED?
WE JUST CAME BACK FROM THE
WOMEN'S ASSISTANCE SOCIETY
THEY WERE GONNA
DONATE THE PROCEEDS
OF THIS YEAR'S AUCTION
TO SAVE THE SALMON.
BUT I TOLD THEM ABOUT THE
SCHOOL I WENT TO IN MANHATTAN.
THE BUILDING IS FALLING APART.
GERI CONVINCED THEM
TO GIVE ALL THE MONEY
TO THE ST. MARTIN'S SCHOOL
FOR HANDICAPPED CHILDREN.
AFTER ALL THEY DID FOR ME, THIS IS A
CHANCE TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING BACK.
OH, GERI, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S TOUGH FOR THE
SALMON, THOUGH.
WELL, YOU KNOW, FIGHTING
THEIR WAY UPSTREAM
THROUGH POLLUTED WATERS
ONLY TO SPAWN AND DIE,
WITHOUT EVER KNOWING...
TOOTIE! CAN THE SALMON.
ANYWAY, THE MEMBERS
OF THE SOCIETY
WERE SO IMPRESSED THEY
ASKED MY COUSIN HERE
TO SERVE AS
CHAIRMAN OF THE EVENT.
THAT'S GREAT!
I'M GONNA MAKE THIS AUCTION
A BIG SUCCESS. ALL RIGHT.
SHE'S ALREADY ON
THE RIGHT TRACK.
SHE'S APPOINTED ME
HER ASSISTANT CHAIRMAN.
SO, WHERE DO YOU START?
WELL...
THERE IS THE AUCTION
BANQUET FOR 200 PEOPLE.
AND WE'LL CATER IT.
AT COST?
WE'RE BUSY.
JO, IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
MAKING A PROFIT IS
A GOOD CAUSE, TOO.
YEAH, BUT JO, JUST...
THINK OF THE IMPRESSION
WE'LL MAKE ON ALL THE
PILLARS OF THE COMMUNITY.
MRS. G, YOU DON'T MAKE
MONEY ON GOOD IMPRESSIONS.
TELL THAT TO RICH LITTLE.
I KNOW.
WE COULD SERVE INDIVIDUAL
ROCK CORNISH GAME HENS.
GAME HENS?
MORE LIKE INDIVIDUAL SNACK
PACKS FROM THE COLONEL.
JO, IT'S A SOCIETY DINNER.
ALL RIGHT, SO WE'LL
GET EXTRA CRISPY.
I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE CITY.
I'M GOING OVER
PLANS FOR THE SCHOOL
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
IN THE MEANTIME, WHY DON'T
YOU GET THINGS UNDERWAY?
OKAY, I THINK THE FIRST THING
WE NEED IS A LETTER TO
POSSIBLE CONTRIBUTORS.
NATALIE, THAT'S YOUR DEPARTMENT.
I GOT IT. I'LL WORK ON GUILT.
I'LL TELL THEM THEY'RE LUCKY
TO HAVE ALL THE WONDERFUL
THINGS THEY HAVE.
AND THEY SHOULD REALLY
BE THANKFUL BECAUSE...
MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SEND THEM
THE LAST LETTER FROM MY MOTHER.
TOOTIE, YOU CAN
HELP BY SENDING OUT
PRESS RELEASES TO
ALL THE NEWSPAPERS.
DON'T FORGET THE
LOCAL RADIO STATIONS.
I SEE I'M LEAVING THINGS
IN CAPABLE HANDS.
I'LL HAVE A FULL PROGRESS
REPORT WHEN YOU GET BACK.
THANKS FOR HELPING.
HEY, WHAT'S AN
ASSISTANT CHAIRMAN FOR?
WORK HARD.
REMEMBER, IT'S FOR GERI'S KIDS.
THE ST. MARTIN'S SCHOOL.
THE PICTURES WILL BE
PERFECT FOR THE SOCIETY PAGE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR COLUMN
IS ALWAYS THE HIGH POINT
OF MY DAY, MR. PRENTISS.
I LOST FEELING IN MY TONGUE.
BLAIR HASN'T.
WHAT? MY VOICE IS
MUSICALLY ENTRANCING?
WHY, THANK YOU,
I'VE NEVER HEARD IT
DESCRIBED EXACTLY
THAT WAY BEFORE.
BLAIR WARNER. B-L-A-I-R.
AND MENTION GERI.
RIGHT, AND COULD
YOU MENTION THAT
THAT MY COUSIN GERI TYLER
IS CHAIRMAN FOR THE EVENT?
OKAY, WELL, THANKS AGAIN.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH, BYE-BYE.
OH! HOORAY! WE'RE OUT OF STAMPS.
OH NO, WELL, ONE OF YOU WILL
JUST HAVE TO SCOOT
DOWN TO THE POST OFFICE
AND PICK UP SOME.
SORRY, BLAIR. IT'S 3:30.
NATALIE AND TOOTIE ARE MINE.
OH, COME ON. JUST
15 MORE MINUTES.
NO, NO.
FROM 1:00 TO 3:30,
THEY WORK FOR YOU.
3:30 TO DINNER,
THEY WORK FOR ME.
AND AFTER DINNER, THEY
DO THEIR HOMEWORK.
TONIGHT WE GO OVER
THE WALL. PASS IT ON.
COME ON, MRS.
GARRETT, GO EASY ON US.
WE'RE POOPED.
BLAIR'S BEEN WORKING OUR
LITTLE FINGERS TO THE NUBBINS.
AND I GOT A PAPERCUT
ON MY TONGUE.
I DON'T KNOW, SEEMS TO ME THAT,
WHEN I WAS A GIRL, I
HAD A LOT MORE ENERGY.
THINGS WERE EASIER THEN.
PEOPLE BROUGHT
MILK TO YOUR DOOR.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
JO, ARE YOU GOING OUT?
YEAH, I GOTTA DROP
THESE CHECKS OFF.
ARE YOU GOING BY
THE POST OFFICE?
I GUESS.
COULD YOU DROP THESE OFF FOR ME?
YEAH, SURE.
OH, AND, UH, WHILE YOU'RE THERE,
COULD YOU PICK UP
SOME STAMPS FOR ME?
I GUESS.
THE LITTLE BLUE ONES
THAT COMMEMORATE
THE FIRST VISA CARD.
OH, AND WHILE
YOU'RE ON THAT... NO!
THANK YOU.
HI, GERI. BYE, GERI.
NICE TALKING TO YOU.
GERI, YOU'RE BACK EARLY.
HOW DID IT GO AT ST. MARTIN'S?
NOT TOO BAD. THEY'RE PUTTING
UP A STATUE IN MY HONOR.
HOW'S IT GOING HERE?
BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.
OH, I'VE GOT A LOT TO TELL YOU.
DID NATALIE FINISH
THE LETTER YET?
OH YEAH, UM,
HERE'S A COPY OF IT.
JO'S MAILING THE REST OF THEM.
HOW COME YOU SIGNED THESE?
WELL, I WANTED TO GET
THEM OUT RIGHT AWAY,
AND I FIGURED THE
WARNER NAME WOULD
HAVE A CERTAIN
RECOGNITION VALUE.
ANYWAY, WE'VE GOT A HALL...
WHOA! SLOW DOWN.
OH, I'M SORRY.
OKAY, FIRST,
I TALKED TO THE MANAGER
OF THE SHRINE AUDITORIUM.
HE SAID IT WAS FREE
ON THE 20th, SO I TOOK IT.
WHAT ABOUT THE COMMUNITY CENTER?
IT HAS A BIGGER KITCHEN.
OH, NO, BUT THE SHRINE
WILL PROVIDE GUYS
TO PARK THE CARS.
AND AS MOTHER SAYS,
"CHARITY BEGINS
WITH VALET PARKING."
AND I'VE ALSO COME UP WITH
A THEME FOR THE EVENING.
"THE GAY '90s."
I'VE ORDERED STRAW
HATS AND SUSPENDERS
FOR ALL THE VOLUNTEERS.
BLAIR...
YOU SHOULD DISCUSS
THESE THINGS WITH ME FIRST
BEFORE YOU JUST GO
AHEAD AND DO THEM.
WELL...
YOU TOLD ME TO GO AHEAD
AND GET THINGS UNDER WAY.
EXCUSE ME, GIRLS,
BUT MRS. MORRIS
OF THE ASSISTANCE
SOCIETY IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
WHAT?
WELL, SHE HAD AN APPOINTMENT
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD,
SO WE CHANGED TOMORROW'S
MEETING TO TODAY.
BLAIR, I WASN'T DUE
BACK UNTIL LATER.
WHAT IF I HADN'T BEEN HERE?
WELL, SHE'S WAITING, GIRLS.
WHAT SHOULD I TELL HER?
UH, TELL HER TO COME ON IN.
BLAIR, I'M NOT PREPARED.
NOT TO WORRY.
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.
HELLO, GIRLS.
HI, BLAIR.
MRS. MORRIS, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GERI JUST GOT BACK
FROM MANHATTAN.
GOOD, DID YOU
SPEAK TO THE SCHOOL?
I DID, AND THEY
WERE VERY GRATEFUL.
OH, WELL, I'M GLAD.
I'M IN A BIT OF A RUSH.
SO LET'S JUST...
COVER AS MANY THINGS AS WE CAN.
NOW, WHAT LOCATIONS
ARE WE CONSIDERING?
I WAS JUST TELLING GERI,
WE'VE COME UP WITH
THE SHRINE AUDITORIUM.
WONDERFUL.
DO WE HAVE A TRUCK TO CARRY
THE AUCTION ITEMS
TO THE WAREHOUSE?
WELL, I REALLY
HAVEN'T HAD TIME...
I'VE ALREADY ARRANGED THAT.
DADDY'S LENDING US
A COUPLE OF HIS VANS
AND ONE OF HIS WAREHOUSES.
HOW DARLING OF HIM.
DARLING AND DEDUCTIBLE.
GOOD WORK.
NOW, UH, ANY IDEAS
FOR AN OVERALL
THEME FOR THE EVENING?
WELL, WE'VE HAD
A COUPLE OF IDEAS.
HOW ABOUT THE GAY '90s?
I THINK IT'D BE FUN, YOU KNOW,
STRAW HATS, SUSPENDERS.
GREAT. GO AHEAD AND ORDER THEM.
I ALREADY DID.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE
TO REACH ME IF YOU NEED ME.
BLAIR, YOU HAVE
DONE A FABULOUS JOB
AND IN SUCH A SHORT TIME.
BUT I DON'T HAVE
TO TELL YOU THAT.
OH, GO AHEAD, TELL ME.
YOU ARE A MARVEL.
BYE, GERI. BYE.
THANK YOU, BLAIR.
ALL THIS IS OKAY
WITH YOU, ISN'T IT?
WHAT DO YOU CARE?
I'M ONLY THE CHAIRMAN.
WELL, I THOUGHT
YOU'D BE PLEASED.
I WAS ONLY TRYING TO
MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU.
WHAT AM I, AN
OVERSIZED POSTER CHILD?
GERI, YOU SEEM UPSET.
I GO AWAY FOR ONE DAY.
YOU TOLD ME TO
GET THINGS STARTED.
AND THAT WAS MY
LAST OFFICIAL ACT.
YOU CAME UP WITH THE
ST. MARTIN'S SCHOOL.
THAT'S THE IMPORTANT PART.
OH, I GET IT. I
PICK THE CHARITY,
AND YOU DO THE REAL WORK.
WELL, I DO HAVE MORE EXPERIENCE.
AND I DO HAVE C.P.
GERI, COME ON.
YOU DON'T THINK I CAN
HANDLE A JOB LIKE THIS, DO YOU?
SURE, YOU CAN.
GOOD, THEN I'LL
TAKE IT FROM HERE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH
FOR ALL YOUR HELP.
BUT I WON'T BE
NEEDING YOU ANYMORE.
GERI, COME ON.
DON'T BE LIKE THAT.
BLAIR, BUTT OUT!
LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF GERI WANTS
HARD LIQUOR OR WINE OR BOTH.
HEY, I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HAVING
THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU.
I'M A MINOR.
RIGHT, OKAY, I'LL
HAVE GERI CALL YOU
AS SOON AS SHE GETS IN.
RIGHT. GOOD-BYE.
HOW MANY OF THESE DO WE MAKE?
I DON'T KNOW.
JUST KEEP MAKING
THEM UNTIL I SAY STOP!
WHAT MRS. GARRETT
IS SAYING, TOOTIE,
IS THAT GERI HASN'T TOLD HER
HOW MANY PEOPLE THERE WILL
BE AT THE AUCTION DINNER TONIGHT.
OH, YOU'RE NOT STARTING
THAT AGAIN, ARE YOU, BLAIR?
OH, NO NO NO, I'M OUT OF IT.
HEY, IF GERI WANTS TO RUN THE
WHOLE SHOW, THAT'S FINE WITH ME.
YOU ARE GONNA START
UP AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?
MRS. G, I GOT 200
GAME HENS BACK HERE.
HOW MANY DO I STUFF?
I DON'T KNOW YET.
WELL, CAN'T WE JUST FREEZE
THE HENS AND DO WHAT I SAID?
I AM NOT GOING TO SERVE CHILI
AT $20 A PLATE.
CHILI IS SO SENSIBLE.
YOU MEAN CHEAP.
FLEXIBLE.
IF WE NEED MORE,
WE JUST THROW IN
ANOTHER CAN OF BEANS.
OH, COME ON, WHAT
ARE WE TALKING HERE?
85 CENTS?
JO...
YOU ARE THE STINGIEST
TEENAGER I HAVE EVER MET.
THANK YOU.
COME ON, LET'S GET STUFFING.
CAN I HELP YOU?
YES, I'D LIKE A DOZEN OF YOUR
HAM-AND-CHEESE CROISSANTS.
OH, I KNOW WE HAVE
SOME IN THE OVEN...
UM, THEY SHOULD BE OUT,
I'LL SEE IF THEY'RE HERE.
HELLO, EDNA'S EDIBLES.
NO, GERI IS NOT HERE.
I DON'T KNOW.
A YELLOW SHEET OF PAPER
WITH A LOT OF NUMBERS ON IT?
ALL RIGHT, I'LL LOOK.
WHERE DOES THIS GO?
NOWHERE.
LOOK, A GUY WITH A
TRUCK WAS TO PICK THIS UP
AND TAKE IT TO THE AUCTION.
HE DIDN'T.
I TOOK IT TO THE
COMMUNITY CENTER.
NOBODY WAS THERE.
NOW, THIS IS WHERE
GERI TYLER LIVES, RIGHT?
IF WE SAID NO, WOULD
YOU TAKE IT AWAY?
LOOK, IF YOUR WIFE BOUGHT THIS
AND YOU HAD TO STARE
AT IT FOR 10 YEARS,
AND THEN FINALLY YOU
FOUND A WAY TO GET RID OF IT,
WOULD YOU TAKE IT BACK?
WELL... ENJOY!
BY THE WAY, WE'RE
RUNNING A SPECIAL TODAY.
WITH EVERY DOZEN
HAM-AND-CHEESE CROISSANTS,
YOU RECEIVE ONE OF THESE.
GEE, MAYBE NEXT TIME.
HELLO. NO, NO, I'M
SORRY. I CANNOT FIND IT.
NO, SHE DIDN'T TELL
ME WHERE SHE PUT IT.
SHE DIDN'T TELL ME ANYTHING.
COULD SHE CALL YOU
WHEN SHE GETS IN?
RIGHT. GOOD-BYE.
THERE ARE TWO THINGS
I DON'T UNDERSTAND...
WHY GERI REFUSES TO LET US HELP,
AND WHAT'S THAT AWFUL
STATUE DOING IN THE SHOP?
IT'S GETTING IN THE WAY.
COME ON, WE'D BETTER MOVE IT.
IT'S HEAVY, SO WATCH OUT.
WHERE DID IT COME FROM?
BE CAREFUL. OKAY.
EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
THIS... 320 MAIN STREET, IS IT?
MAYBE YES, MAYBE NO.
I HAVE AN ORDER OF FLOWERS HERE.
OH, THEN YES, IT IS.
OH, GOOD, GOOD. ALL RIGHT.
BRING THEM IN, BOYS.
WHERE DID THESE
FLOWERS COME FROM?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE THERE'S A NOTE.
WELL, WHO SENT THEM?
HMM, OH, IT'S... GERI TYLER.
HE MUST LIKE ONE
OF YOU GALS A LOT.
HE'S A SHE!
OH, WELL, THAT'S NONE
OF MY BUSINESS, IS IT?
NOW LOOK, THESE FLOWERS HAVE
BEEN IN MY SHOP ALL MORNING LONG.
AND NO ONE TOLD ME
WHERE TO TAKE THEM.
THEY'RE NOT FOR US,
THEY'RE FOR THE AUCTION.
LOOK, GERI TYLER ORDERED THEM,
AND IF GERI TYLER WANTS
THEM TO GO SOMEPLACE ELSE,
HE CAN TAKE THEM THERE HIMSELF.
COME ON, BOYS.
GIRLS.
GIRLS, I NEED YOU TO HELP...
OH, MY!
OH, MY!
LOOKS LIKE THE
ROSE PARADE IN HERE.
CAN YOU SEE IF YOU CAN FIND
THE PHONE NUMBER OF
THAT TRUCKER GERI HIRED?
I'LL TRY.
AND, JO, CALL THE
COMMUNITY CENTER
AND SEE IF GERI'S THERE.
NATALIE, MAKE SURE
THERE AREN'T ANY
CUSTOMERS LOST IN HERE.
AND-AND-AND-AND BLAIR...
DON'T YOU SAY A WORD!
I FOUND HER. SHE JUST CAME IN.
OH, NO.
GERI, THANK
GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
SORRY, I WAS WITH
THE AUCTIONEER.
WE'VE GOT TO GET ALL
OF THIS OUT OF MY STORE.
DON'T WORRY. I'LL TAKE
CARE OF EVERYTHING.
UH, WERE THERE ANY CALLS?
YEAH, ABOUT TWO DOZEN.
THERE'S SOME ON YOUR DESK, TOO.
GERI, I NEED TO KNOW
HOW MANY HENS TO MAKE.
LET ME CHECK MY LIST.
GERI, THIS IS THE GUY
WITH THE SOUND SYSTEM.
HE SAID CALL HIM
BACK IMMEDIATELY.
BEFORE YOU DO THAT,
COULD YOU TELL ME
HOW MANY HENS TO MAKE?
GERI, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL ME WHAT TO SAY?
AND I'LL CALL HIM FOR YOU.
NO, I'LL DO IT.
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.
NO, NO, NO, YOU DON'T.
MY STORE IS A GREENHOUSE.
THERE'S A NAKED MAN IN
THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
AND I STILL DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY HENS TO MAKE.
WILL SOMEBODY GET THAT?
GERI, WHY DON'T YOU
LET NATALIE AND I HELP?
WE'RE TWO ABLE
BODIES WILLING TO SERVE.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
WHAT?
YOU'RE ABLE BODIES, AND I'M NOT?
OH, GERI!
GERI, MRS. MORRIS
IS ON THE PHONE.
SHE'S AT THE CENTER
AND SAID YOU WERE
SUPPOSED TO MEET HER THERE.
OH NO, TELL HER I
LEFT TEN MINUTES AGO.
WHAT A DISASTER.
A FIASCO OF THE FIRST ORDER.
I CANNOT BELIEVE WE
WERE SHORT 25 DINNERS.
HOW COULD GERI MAKE
THAT BIG A MISTAKE?
I TOLD HER THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
I TOLD HER SHE
COULDN'T DO IT HERSELF.
BLAIR, ONE MORE "I TOLD YOU SO,"
AND I'M GONNA STAPLE
YOUR LIPS TO THE TABLE.
PLEASE, GIRLS. I'M TIRED.
OH, I JUST DON'T KNOW
HOW WE MADE THOSE GAME HENS
STRETCH TO FEED
ALL THOSE PEOPLE?
WE DIDN'T.
SOME PEOPLE WOUND UP
WITH A MOUND OF STUFFING
AND A WING.
AND THOSE WINGS ARE SO SMALL.
OH, WELL, AT LEAST EVERYBODY
WAS A GOOD SPORT ABOUT IT.
OH, SURE, THEY WERE.
AFTER YOU PROMISED
EACH ONE OF THEM
A FREE FAMILY-SIZED QUICHE.
WELL, JO, THOSE QUICHES
WON'T COST US THAT MUCH.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY COST.
YOU DON'T? OKAY, I
CARE WHAT THEY COST.
BUT I CARE MORE
WHAT PEOPLE THINK.
COME, MRS. G, WE
CATERED THIS THING.
HOW IS IT GONNA LOOK?
"EDNA'S EDIBLES, THE PLACE
THAT SCREWED UP THE AUCTION"?
WELL, IT WASN'T ALL SCREWED UP.
AFTER ALL, THEY
DID RAISE $11,000.
BESIDES... WHAT'S DONE IS DONE.
WELL, I THINK WE COULD ALL USE
A NICE, PIPING HOT
CUP OF POSTUM.
WHAT'S POSTUM?
PROBABLY SOMETHING THEY
USED TO DELIVER TO YOUR DOOR.
NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE
HAPPENED IF SHE'D LISTENED TO ME.
THAT WAS AN "I TOLD YOU
SO." WHERE'S THE STAPLER?
BUT YOU GOTTA
ADMIT IT, I'M RIGHT.
NO, I DON'T. IF
YOU ASK ME, BLAIR,
YOU'RE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THIS MESS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU WANT ME TO SAY I'M AT FAULT
BECAUSE I'M AN
EFFICIENT ORGANIZER?
YEAH, JUST LEAVE OUT
THE EFFICIENT ORGANIZER PART.
YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING.
BEFORE I WAS SO
RUDELY DISMISSED,
I WAS DOING A TERRIFIC JOB.
THAT WAS THE PROBLEM.
YOU WERE DOING THE WHOLE JOB.
THAT GOT GERI MAD,
AND I DON'T BLAME HER.
ALL I DID WAS MAKE
A FEW PHONE CALLS...
AND SIGN SOME LETTERS,
AND RENT THE TRUCKS...
AND RENT THE HALL,
TALK TO THE NEWSPAPERS.
HI, GERI, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
THAT GOOD, HUH?
OH, LISTEN, TELL MRS. G
I'M GONNA PASS ON THAT
ROASTUM STUFF, WHATEVER IT IS.
WHAT A NIGHT.
IT TOOK ME AN HOUR TO
APOLOGIZE TO ALL THOSE PEOPLE.
BUT GERI, THE DECORATIONS
WERE BEAUTIFUL,
AND THE STROLLING
MUSICIANS WERE WONDERFUL.
AT LEAST THERE WERE
ENOUGH OF THEM TO GO AROUND.
AH, COME ON, ANYBODY COULD'VE
MADE THAT MISTAKE
WITH THE GUEST LIST.
THAT'S NOT WHAT PEOPLE WILL SAY.
THEY'LL SAY THAT A
CRIPPLED GIRL COULDN'T CUT IT.
OH, UM, THAT'S NOT WHAT I'D SAY.
I'D SAY IT WAS THE GIRL
WITH THE CHIP ON HER
SHOULDER WHO COULDN'T CUT IT
THE ONE WHO HAD
TO DO IT ALL ALONE
BECAUSE SHE HAD
TO PROVE SOMETHING.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
IF BLAIR COULD DO IT
ALONE, WHY COULDN'T I?
I WASN'T DOING IT ALONE.
I HAD NATALIE WORKING,
AND I HAD TOOTIE WORKING,
I... I EVEN HAD JO WORKING.
LISTEN, WHEN YOU FIRED ME,
YOU PUT A LOT OF
PEOPLE OUT OF WORK.
EVERYBODY WAS WORKING BUT ME?
I'M SORRY.
MAYBE I STEAMROLLED OVER YOU.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP.
PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY
THEY WANNA HELP YOU.
WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN IS
THEY WANT TO DO IT FOR YOU.
I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY.
FACE IT, BLAIR.
YOU CAN WALK FASTER,
AND YOU CAN TALK FASTER.
AND YOU THINK THAT MEANS
THAT YOU CAN DO IT BETTER.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
NEXT TIME, JUST
TELL ME TO BACK OFF.
I DID.
GERI.
YOU DIDN'T TELL
BLAIR TO BACK OFF.
YOU TOLD HER TO GO AWAY.
YOU TOLD EVERYONE TO GO AWAY.
MRS. GARRETT, DON'T
YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M HANDICAPPED.
IF I DON'T DO IT ALONE,
PEOPLE WILL THINK
I CAN'T DO IT AT ALL.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
BLAIR, NOBODY THOUGHT
I COULD RIDE A BIKE
OR RIDE A SKATEBOARD
UNTIL I DID IT.
IT'S THE SAME THING.
NO, IT'S NOT.
GERI... THAT AUCTION...
WAS NOT A PERSONAL CHALLENGE.
IT WAS A JOB.
A VERY BIG JOB.
AND YOU NEEDED HELP.
NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE HANDICAPPED,
BUT BECAUSE YOU'RE HUMAN.
I GUESS BEING HUMAN ISN'T
THE WORST THING I COULD BE.
LISTEN, WHY DON'T
WE GET SOME SLEEP?
YOU KNOW, TOMORROW'S
GONNA BE A VERY BUSY DAY.
I'LL SAY.
I HAVE 25 QUICHES TO MAKE.
UM, YOU WANT A LITTLE HELP?
NO.
I WANT A LOT OF HELP.
♪ YOU'LL AVOID A LOT OF DAMAGE ♪
♪ AND ENJOY THE
FUN OF MANAGING ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪
♪ THEY SHED A LOT OF LIGHT ♪
♪ IF YOU HEAR THEM
FROM YOUR BROTHER, ♪
♪ BETTER CLEAR THEM
WITH YOUR MOTHER ♪
♪ BETTER GET 'EM RIGHT ♪
♪ CALL HER LATE AT NIGHT ♪
♪ YOU GOT THE FUTURE IN
THE PALM OF YOUR HAND ♪
♪ ALL YOU GOTTA DO TO GET
YOU THROUGH IS UNDERSTAND ♪
♪ YOU THINK YOU'D
RATHER DO WITHOUT ♪
♪ YOU WILL NEVER MAKE
IT THROUGH WITHOUT ♪
♪ THE TRUTH ♪
♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE
ARE ALL ABOUT YOU ♪
♪ LEARNING THE
FACTS OF LIFE...♪♪