The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 7 - A Woman's Place - full transcript

♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪

NATALIE, I'M VERY IMPRESSED!

YOU'VE BEEN STUDYING FOR HOURS.

MRS. GARRETT, DO YOU KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT THE MIND?

I'VE HEARD OF IT.

THE BRAIN IS A VERY
COMPLICATED MACHINE.

IT DOES AMAZING THINGS.

AND IT CAN GET
SO INCREDIBLY SICK!



WHAT'S ALL THAT?

GESTALT.

BLESS YOU.

NO, THAT'S HER
PSYCHOLOGY HOMEWORK.

GESTALT MEANS THE WHOLE IS
MORE THAN SOME OF ITS PARTS.

IT'S LIKE MY CHICKEN

ITS MORE THAN JUST
THIGHS AND WINGS.

GOOD EXAMPLE.

MAY I USE THAT?

YOU CAN HAVE THE RECIPE.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

LET'S CELEBRATE. IT
MAY NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

HEY, GUYS.

HOW'S EVERYTHING AT
THE MOTORCYCLE SHOP?

TODAY WAS A RED-LETTER DAY!

I'VE WORKED THERE FIVE WEEKS.

THE BOSS BARELY GRUNTS HELLO.

LAST WEEK, THIS DEAD BIKE
COMES IN. A BASKET CASE!

SHE STRAINED THE FRAME

AND REPLACED THE WHOLE
STEERING HEAD ASSEMBLY.

THE BOSS COMES OVER.

HE LOOKS AT IT, WALKS AROUND IT,

LOOKS AT IT SOME MORE,

AND SAYS, "HUH, IT WORKS."

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

HE SAID THAT TO ME!

IS YOUR BOSS ALWAYS
THIS ENTHUSIASTIC?

HE SAID THE SAME THING
WHEN HIS WIFE HAD A BABY.

I'M GLAD HE'S BEGINNING
TO APPRECIATE YOU, JO.

I KNOW HE HAD RESERVATIONS
ABOUT HIRING YOU.

RESERVATIONS? HE
SAID NO SIX TIMES.

DOUG GOT ME THE JOB.

HE CONVINCED GARO I
KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.

GARO THINKS WOMEN
CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE

IF THEY COME BACK
WITH GROCERIES.

THERE'S AN APPLE
PIE IN THE KITCHEN

WAITING FOR A CELEBRATION.

TERRIFIC!

YOUR APPLE PIE IS A WORK OF ART.

OH, SUCH A BRIGHT BOY.

HE HAS GOOD TASTE
IN PIE... AND GIRLS.

EVERYBODY, REMAIN CALM!

THERE'S NOTHING TO
GET EXCITED ABOUT!

EVERYTHING IS FINE,

SO JUST GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF.

BLAIR, WHAT IS IT?

MY FATHER'S PORSCHE.

AN ACCIDENT? ARE YOU HURT?

WORSE. THE CAR IS HURT.

IT BROKE DOWN.

IT'S DADDY'S PRIDE AND JOY.

CALM DOWN.

I CAN'T.

HE BELIEVES IN
CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.

LISTEN TO ME.

HE DOES!

ONCE, LAST YEAR,

HE CUT OFF MY
CREDIT FOR A MONTH.

NO. NO, BLAIR.

CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
MEANS YOU DIE.

YEAH. HE CUT OFF MY CREDIT.

IF YOU WANT ONE
PERSON'S OPINION,

I THINK YOU'RE BEING PARANOID.

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.

WHAT CAN I DO?

TELL YOUR FATHER THE TRUTH.

I MAY BE PARANOID.
I'M NOT SUICIDAL.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

HER FATHER'S PORSCHE IS BROKEN.

WAIT.

WAIT... I KNOW.

I'LL BUY HIM A NEW ONE!

OH, BLAIR.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

IT'S LIKE WITH HIS DOG.

HE'LL KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

WHAT DID YOU DO
TO THE CAR, BLAIR?

ME?

NOTHING.

WELL, MAYBE ONCE I SHIFTED

FROM THIRD TO REVERSE.

THE GARAGE IN TOWN CAN'T
EVEN PRONOUNCE PORSCHE,

LET ALONE FIX IT.

I'LL FIX IT AT THE SHOP.

VERY FUNNY.

THIS IS A VERY ADVANCED,
SOPHISTICATED AUTOMOBILE.

I CAN FIX ANYTHING ON WHEELS.

I'VE FIDDLED WITH
PORSCHES BEFORE.

I NEED IT FIXED BY FRIDAY,

NOT FIDDLED WITH!

SHE'S YOUR ONLY CHANCE IN TOWN.

THEY DON'T COME
MUCH BETTER THAN JO.

HOW DEPRESSING.

DO YOU WANT ME TO FIX IT?

YES, I DO.

I HAVE NO CHOICE.
I'M STUCK WITH YOU.

WHEN YOU PUT IT SO
NICELY, SHE CAN'T REFUSE.

I'LL PICK YOU UP AT 7:30.

YOU'RE STARTING
ON THE CAR TONIGHT.

SORRY, BLAIR. THE
GARAGE IS CLOSED.

WE'RE GOING OUT
FOR A NOISY MOVIE

AND A QUIET PIZZA.

THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

EITHER WAY SOUNDS GREAT.

I'LL SEE YOU.

BYE.

HOW CAN YOU PLAY MODERN ROMANCE

WHEN DADDY'S CAR IS
FIGHTING FOR ITS LIFE?

DOUG AND I HAVE A
BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP.

NOISY MOVIES AND QUIET PIZZA?

WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS IS THAT?

MINE.

YOU'RE REALLY GOOD.

I'VE DONE ENGINES SINCE INFANCY.

I HAD MY OWN TEETHING WRENCH.

YOU'RE A KILLER AT
DONKEY KONG, TOO.

I WOULD'VE SCORED MORE POINTS

IF YOU HADN'T DISTRACTED ME.

HOW?

YOU WERE THERE.

HOW'S IT GOING?

OK, GARO. I'M JUST
ABOUT FINISHED.

HEY, JOAN OF ARCO.

HOW'S THE PORSCHE?

IT'S COMING ALONG PRETTY GOOD.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE A GIRL?

YEAH.

NO GIRL COULD BE SO
GOOD FOR BUSINESS.

YOU'RE EVEN BRINGING ME CARS!

I'M GLAD I LISTENED TO YOU.

I TOLD HER NO FIVE TIMES.

SIX.

YOU KNOW MOTORCYCLES

LIKE YOU WERE BORN ON ONE.

NAW, YOU AIN'T A GIRL.

GOOD COVER, THOUGH.

HE'S OUT OF THE DARK AGES.

AT LEAST I'M WORKING HERE.

THANKS FOR TWISTING HIS ARM.

ACTUALLY, I BROKE IT.

I KNOW A GREAT
MECHANIC WHEN I SEE ONE.

AW... LOVE AMONG THE RUINS

OF MY FATHER'S PORSCHE.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

WE STOPPED BY TO
SEE HOW YOU'RE DOING.

AND WE'RE GLAD WE DID.

HI, DOUG.

HI, GUYS.

SOME BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP.

WHAT WE HAVE HERE

IS A CLEAR CASE OF FIXATION.

DID THE TIN MAN EXPLODE?

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THAT CAR,

YOU'LL NEVER CHANGE
OIL IN THIS TOWN AGAIN.

YOU TEAR IT DOWN
TO REBUILD IT RIGHT.

WHO ARE YOU... THE KARL
MARX OF AUTO REPAIR?

SHE'S HAVING A MAJOR
MOOD DISTURBANCE!

NATALIE, YOU SHOULDN'T ENJOY

OTHER PEOPLE'S TROUBLES.

THAT'S WHAT PSYCHIATRY
IS, MRS. GARRETT.

LISTEN, YOU GUYS.

HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

I HIRED ONE GIRL. THAT'S ENOUGH.

I DON'T WANT TO ADD
ANOTHER BATHROOM.

GARO, THESE ARE MY FRIENDS.

HELLO.

THIS IS MY BOSS GARO.

HI, MR. GARO.

YOU DID YOURSELF
A FAVOR HIRING JO.

SHE CAN FIX ANYTHING,

ESPECIALLY WITH ALL THESE
WONDERFUL TOOLS HERE.

OH, MY... ISN'T THIS SOMETHING?

WHAT IS THIS?

THIS IS FOR PUTTING DOWN.

PLEASE DON'T TOUCH THE TOOLS.

SORRY.

WHAT SHOULD I DO NEXT?

THERE'S BAD AND GOOD NEWS.

WHICH COMES FIRST?

OH, BAD NEWS.

IT GIVES YOU SOMETHING
TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

OK. THE BAD NEWS IS REX QUIT.

WHO'S REX?

THE WEEKEND SERVICE MANAGER.

WHY DID HE QUIT?

HE DIDN'T SAY. WHY
AM I TALKING TO THEM?

MOVE TO THE GOOD NEWS.

THE GOOD NEWS IS

I'VE PICKED A NEW
WEEKEND SERVICE MANAGER.

OH, YEAH?

I'M FINALLY COMFORTABLE

WITH A WOMAN
WEARING THE COVERALLS.

CONGRATULATIONS, JO.

YOU GOT THE JOB.

JO, THAT'S GREAT!

ALL RIGHT! CONGRATULATIONS!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING.

FORGET THE PLUGS. CHECK
THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM.

WHY? AM I DOING SOMETHING WRONG?

NO. SOMETIMES THESE
THINGS ARE TRICKY,

AND THE PROBLEM IS JUST A SHORT.

IF I'M NOT DOING
IT RIGHT, YOU DO IT.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO IT.

TELL ME WHAT I'M DOING WRONG.

YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG!

SOMETIMES YOU
THINK IT'S THE PLUGS,

BUT IT'S NOT THE PLUGS.

IT CAN BE ELECTRICAL.

DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE I'M A KID!

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

NOTHING! JUST
TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

YOU'RE THE BOSS!

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IT MEANS YOU'RE THE BOSS.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN
ANYTHING'S CHANGED.

EVERYTHING'S CHANGED.

WHY? WE'RE THE SAME
PEOPLE WE WERE YESTERDAY.

ARE WE?

YEAH. WE'RE A TEAM.
WE WORK TOGETHER.

NO, WE DON'T.

I WORK FOR YOU.

SORRY I'M LATE.

MY FINGERNAILS WERE GREASY.

WAS THE GREASE FROM
MY FATHER'S PORSCHE?

HOW'S IT GOING?

HOW WAS IT BEING
WEEKEND SERVICE MANAGER?

OK.

HOW'S THE CAR COMING ALONG?

IT'LL BE READY ON TIME.

GET OFF MY CASE!

OK. WHATEVER YOU SAY.

YOU'RE THE BOSS.

"YOU'RE THE BOSS!"
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?

THAT'S LOUSY TO SAY!

FORGIVE ME!

JO, WHAT IS IT?

YOU SEEM A LITTLE... FURIOUS!

IT'S A CLASSIC CASE
OF LATENT PSYCHOSIS

WITH NEUROTIC OVERTONES.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IF YOU'RE AN ANALYST,
ABOUT $100 AN HOUR.

TODAY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GREAT.

I GOT THIS NEW JOB,
MORE RESPONSIBILITY,

A CHANCE TO PROVE MYSELF.

WHAT HAPPENED?

ALL DAY, DOUG WAS SLAMMING TOOLS

AND KICKING TIRES.

HE WOULDN'T TALK.

THEN HE SAID I'D CHANGED.

I SAID HE CHANGED.

HE SAID THAT WAS
PROOF I'D CHANGED.

UH-HUH!

SOMETHING'S BOTHERING HIM.

HE'S DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE
HE DIDN'T GET THE JOB.

HE'S BEEN WORKING THERE LONGER.

I WANTED HIM TO GET IT.

BUT CAN'T HE BE HAPPY IT WAS ME?

WE HAD A GOOD THING GOING.

DID YOU TALK TO DOUG ABOUT THIS?

WE TALKED. ACTUALLY, WE YELLED.

HE THINKS THAT I'M HIS BOSS.

YOU ARE.

WELL, SHE IS.

THIS IS JUST THE FIRST DAY.

THIS CHANGE MAY
TAKE GETTING USED TO.

ESPECIALLY FOR A MAN.

DOUG'S NOT LIKE THAT.

HE'S LIBERATED.

GUYS SUPPORT WOMEN'S
LIB WHILE READING ABOUT IT,

BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE.

ALL GUYS AREN'T LIKE THAT.

WHEN HOWARD WORKED HERE

AND WE WERE DATING...

YOU WERE DATING HOWARD?

YES.

TECHNICALLY, HE
WAS WORKING FOR ME.

OUR HOWARD?

WITH THE GREAT VEAL CUTLETS?

YES.

WELL, WE HAD OUR PROBLEMS...

AND YOU NEVER TOLD
US YOU WERE DATING?

I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS NECESSARY.

HERE, IN OUR OWN KITCHEN?

WILL YOU PLEASE FORGET HOWARD?

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT
WHEN HE WORSHIPPED YOU?

JO,

JUST TREAT DOUG WITH
THE RESPECT YOU HAD

AND I'M SURE HE'LL COME AROUND.

HOW LONG WERE YOU AND
HOWARD COOKING TOGETHER?

I THINK I HEAR MY
POT ROAST CALLING.

ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?

WE DON'T KEEP SECRETS.

WE TELL YOU EVERYTHING.

YOU HELD BACK.

WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A FAMILY!

GEE. WHAT A MESS.

WELL, IT'S ALL YOUR OWN FAULT.

JO... THERE ARE
TWO TRUTHS IN LIFE...

NO MAN IS AN ISLAND,

AND ALWAYS LET BOY WIN.

THAT'S CRAZY!

IS IT?

WHAT'S WRONG
BETWEEN YOU AND DOUG

IS HE KNOWS YOU'RE IN CHARGE.

JUST MAKE HIM
THINK HE'S IN CHARGE,

EVEN THOUGH HE ISN'T.

THAT DOESN'T SOUND VERY HONEST.

WE'LL DISCUSS HONESTY LATER.

RIGHT NOW, WE'RE
DISCUSSING KEEPING A MAN.

BLAIR HAS A POINT.

WE'RE DISCUSSING THE MALE EGO.

IT'S DELICATE AND FRAGILE.

AND A PAIN.

LOOK, JO.

YOU'VE GOT SOME POWER,

BUT YOU'RE NOT WEARING IT RIGHT.

DON'T THROW IT ON LIKE
A MOTORCYCLE JACKET.

YOU WANT TO SLIP
INTO IT, LIKE A NEGLIGEE.

I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING WEIRD.

THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE MEANS.

IS IT?

IT'S JUST A GAME.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH ACTING HELPLESS

ONCE IN A WHILE.

IT'LL MAKE HIM FEEL
STRONG, PROTECTIVE,

LIKE HE'S MORE
OF A MAN THAN YOU.

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

A WOMAN OF THE EIGHTIES
SHOULD HAVE IT ALL.

HOW?

YOU'RE A WOMAN OF THE EIGHTIES.

YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

BUSY?

CHECKING THE CARBURETOR.

IF IT'S RUNNING ROUGH,

CHECK OUT THE
TIMING COILS FIRST.

I'M SURE IT'S THE CARBURETOR.

IT'S THE TIMING COIL
THAT CAUSES THE...

THEN AGAIN, THE
CARBURETOR'S A GOOD CHOICE.

JO!

IT'S FINISHED!

I SAID IT WOULD BE.

JO, IS EVERYTHING BACK INSIDE?

YEAH. IT'S IN GREAT SHAPE.

OH, THANK YOU, JO.

I'LL KEEP MY CREDIT CARDS.

THE ECONOMY IS SAVED.

I'LL FIND A WAY TO REPAY YOU.

DO ME A FAVOR. DON'T.

JO, UH... HOW ARE THINGS GOING?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

YES, YOU DO.

REMEMBER?

OH, SHOOT!

AWW... STUPID PLUG!

DOUG, GOT A MINUTE?

WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW!

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

I CAN'T GET THIS TIGHT ENOUGH.

JUST TAKES EXTRA MUSCLE.

YOU'RE SO RIGHT.

IT WOULD'VE TAKEN ME ALL DAY.

AT LEAST I'M GOOD FOR SOMETHING.

WHAT IS SHE DOING?

SHE'S DOING JUST FINE.

HI, JO.

HI, DOUG.

HI, GUYS.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I DON'T KNOW. NAT
MADE ME COME HERE.

I'M LOOKING FOR A
BIRTHDAY PRESENT

FOR MY MOTHER.

CAN I SHOW YOU
SOMETHING IN A LUG WRENCH?

JO, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS HONDA.

HELLO, FRIENDS.

OH, I, UH... WASN'T
TOUCHING ANYTHING.

YOU MIND IF SHE
CONTINUES WORKING?

NOT AT ALL.

LOOKS LIKE THE
ELECTRICAL SYSTEM IS SHOT.

BETTER LET DOUG HANDLE THIS ONE.

WHY? THIS IS YOUR SPECIALTY.

THAT'S BECAUSE I
WATCH HIM SO MUCH.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD HE IS.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T.

YOU DO IT.

YOU GET BUSY ON THAT YAMAHA.

YOU THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS?

I JUST TOLD GARO THAT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT
WOULDN'T TAKE ME LONG.

GARO SAID... FORGET
WHAT HE SAID.

YOU WORK ON THE HONDA.

I'LL TACKLE THAT SILLY YAMAHA.

YOU'RE SO GOOD WITH
THOSE WHATCHAMACALLITS.

POINTS AND PLUGS?

RIGHT! RIGHT!

WHAT'S SHE DOING?

ASK BLAIR.

I'M NOT SURE ANYMORE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS.

WHAT DO I KNOW
ABOUT MOTORCYCLES?

IF I GET THEM TO RUN,
IT'S JUST DUMB LUCK.

JO... GET OVER HERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU'RE ACTING LIKE BLAIR.

IT'S DISGUSTING!

YOU TOLD ME TO DO IT.

I SAID ACT HELPLESS,
NOT BRAINLESS.

WHY ACT AT ALL?

WHAT ABOUT BEING YOURSELF?

THAT GOT ME INTO THIS MESS.

JO, FLATTERY IS ONE
THING... BUT THIS?

THIS ISN'T WHAT I MEANT.

PRETENDING YOU KNOW
NOTHING ABOUT BIKES

IS LIKE ME PRETENDING
I'M LESS THAN SENSATIONAL.

YOU THINK I ENJOYED
BEING THE DIPPY FEMALE?

I WAS DESPERATE.

I HATE IT.

YOU HATE IT?

JO... IF SOMEONE REALLY
CARES ABOUT YOU,

HE'LL WANT YOU TO BE
EVERYTHING YOU CAN BE,

NOT JUST WHATEVER HE
FEELS COMFORTABLE WITH.

HEY, JO.

I WANTED YOU
WORKING ON THE HONDA.

DOUG DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE YOU.

SORRY. I DIDN'T...

YOU DIDN'T GET HIM TO
FINISH THAT YAMAHA, EITHER.

YOU WERE GABBING.

WE WERE JUST LEAVING.

JO, WE'LL WAIT OUTSIDE.

COME ON, GIRLS.

GARO, I'M SORRY...

I PUT YOU IN CHARGE.
YOU DON'T CHARGE!

I KNOW I... SORRY, KID.

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I'M NOT FIRING YOU.

YOU'RE GOING BACK
WHERE YOU STARTED.

YOU'RE A GOOD MECHANIC,
BUT NO MANAGER.

IT'S REALLY A TOUGH BREAK, BABE.

I COULD REALLY DO THIS JOB.

IT'S ALMOST LUNCH TIME.

WE'LL SPLIT A PIZZA. MY TREAT.

EVERYTHING'S OK
BETWEEN US NOW, ISN'T IT?

SURE.

JUST LIKE THAT.

YEAH.

BECAUSE I'M NOT
YOUR BOSS ANYMORE.

ALL RIGHT. I GOT A LITTLE CRAZY.

IT'S NOT LIKE I KILLED SOMEBODY.

NO, IT ISN'T.

LOOK... I'M NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.

I JUST NEED THINGS
TO BE... A CERTAIN WAY.

RIGHT.

LET'S GET SOME LUNCH.

I'M HAVING LUNCH
WITH MY FRIENDS.

HEY, JO.

BY THE WAY,

THAT BIKE THAT'S
RUNNING ROUGH...

IT'S NOT THE CARBURETOR.

IT'S THE TIMING COILS.