The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 4, Episode 1 - Ain't Miss Beholden - full transcript

♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD,
YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪

♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH
AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU
GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE GROWIN'
NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪

♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP
TO YOUR DREAMS ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY
YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪



♪ THE FACTS OF
LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ YOU ♪

♪ IT TAKES A LOT
TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN'
THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪

♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪♪

YOU ALLERGIC TO TEFLON OR WHAT?

I'M TRYING NOT TO GET
ANYTHING ON MY OUTFIT.

THIS IS A GIOVANNI DeMARCO.

TOO LATE. GIOVANNI'S
GOT SYRUP ON HIS SLEEVE.

OH, NO!

I GOT TO GO, ANYWAY.

WOULD YOU MIND
FINISHING THE POTS



SO I CAN MEET STEVE FOR LUNCH?

I'M NOT DOING
EXTRA CHORES AGAIN.

TELL STEVE TO ORDER
THE SPECIAL FOR ONE.

AHH...

AHH... OK. THIS
IS THE LAST TIME.

OH, THANKS A LOT, JO!

HI, MRS. GARRETT.

IT'S NO TIME FOR THAT, TOOTIE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THE SCHOOL BUDGET'S BEING
CUT BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY.

AND?

AND BECAUSE OF THAT,

SOME STUDENTS WILL SUFFER.

SO I WON'T BE ROME
CORRESPONDENT FOR THE PAPER.

IT'S NOT YOU, NATALIE.

I'M GOING TO SUFFER?

OK. I CAN TAKE IT.

THE MAJOR CUTBACK IS
IN THE SCHOLARSHIP FUND.

STARTING NEXT SEMESTER...

THERE WON'T BE ONE
AVAILABLE FOR YOU.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

THE CUTBACK BUSINESS
IS ABSOLUTELY APPALLING!

HEY, WHAT CAN YOU DO?

THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

I WORK HARD, DO
GREAT, I GET THE SHAFT.

SO MUCH FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM.

JO... WHAT ABOUT SAVINGS?

MAYBE THERE'S MONEY TUCKED
AWAY YOU'VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT.

I UNTUCKED EVERYTHING
I HAD YEARS AGO.

TOOTIE, WOULD YOU MIND
CLEARING THE TABLE, PLEASE?

I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU, JO.

IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR THAT.

I THOUGHT IT SHOULD BE SAID.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO
SLEEP IN THE UPPER BUNK.

YOU CAN HAVE MY BED.

I DON'T WANT YOUR BED.

AT LEAST, NOT THIS WAY.

HEY, JO.

I KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO.

ASK THE COUNSELOR ABOUT
OTHER SOURCES OF MONEY.

WHO, MR. MAVIS?

YES.

WE TALKED ABOUT
PLANNING A CAREER.

HE TOLD ME TO MARRY A GOOD MAN.

HE TOLD ME THE SAME THING.

HE TOLD ME TO BECOME A LAWYER.

OH, COME ON, JO.

GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE.

OK, OK.

IT'LL BE DIFFERENT WITHOUT JO.

HOPEFULLY, SHE
WON'T HAVE TO LEAVE.

THINK POSITIVELY, TOOTIE.

I'LL MISS HER.

THAT A GIRL.

YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT MR. MAVIS.

HE GAVE ME BROCHURES

ABOUT PRIVATE FOUNDATIONS
THAT GIVE SCHOLARSHIPS.

WONDERFUL!

LOOK AT THEM ALL! YOU'RE RICH!

APPLICATIONS MUST BE IN
BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

LET'S SEE... "THE SVEN
ERIKSON FOUNDATION.

"AWARDED TO A STUDENT
OF NORWEGIAN ANCESTRY

WHOSE FATHER IS A MEMBER
OF THE PLUMBER'S UNION."

I DON'T THINK I QUALIFY.

OH, UH... AH!

"THE JUDITH DeHART SCHOLARSHIP.

"AWARDED TO ANY YOUNG WOMAN

"WHO PROMISES TO
FOREVER LIVE CHASTELY

AND GIVE UP SINS OF THE FLESH."

I DON'T THINK I WANT TO QUALIFY.

NO, I WAS NEVER
A CAMP FIRE GIRL!

JO...

I'LL GO SEE MR. MAVIS MYSELF.

HE MUST HAVE
OVERLOOKED SOMETHING.

WHAT'S THE USE? IT'S OVER.

I'M NOT GIVING UP YET.

"AN ANNUAL SCHOLARSHIP
GIVEN TO A GIRL

"SOLELY ON THE BASIS

OF HER ACADEMIC
QUALIFICATIONS AND NEED."

YOU'RE KIDDING!

OH, NO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THAT'S FROM THE WARNER
TEXTILE FOUNDATION.

THAT'S BLAIR'S FAMILY.

GREAT!

YECH!

BLAIR WILL PUT IN A GOOD WORD.

YOU'RE A SURE THING.

FORGET IT!

SHE'LL DO IT.

YEAH, IF I KISS HER FAMILY TREE.

NOBODY'S ASKING
YOU TO KISS TREES.

JUST RAKE A FEW LEAVES.

JUST BE NICE TO
BLAIR FOR A WHILE.

NO WAY! I GAVE UP
HUMILIATION FOR LENT.

IF YOU DON'T GET
THIS SCHOLARSHIP,

YOU'LL BE BACK IN THE BRONX

RUNNING AROUND WITH
THE LITTLE PUEBLOS!

YOUNG DIABLOS.

WHATEVER.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

NO! I WANT TO FINISH
WHAT I STARTED HERE.

I'VE GOT DIRECTION, PLANS.

I'VE GOT A FROG I
HAVEN'T DISSECTED YET.

THEN JUST MAKE A LITTLE CHANGE

IN YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS BLAIR.

FOR EXAMPLE, I'M BLAIR.

OH, JO.

MY MOTHER SAID WE
NEED SOME DOMESTIC HELP

FOR OUR SUMMER PLACE.

AND I JUST HAD

ANOTHER ONE OF
MY BRILLIANT IDEAS.

ARE YOU INTERESTED?

AND YOU SAY...

YOU KNOW WHERE TO
PUT YOUR SUMMER PLACE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TRYING TO GET JO
TO BE NICE TO BLAIR.

TOOTIE!

THE WARNER TEXTILE FOUNDATION
OFFERS A SCHOLARSHIP.

I THOUGHT BLAIR

COULD PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR JO.

IS THAT FAIR?

WHAT?

USING PULL TO GET
JO THE SCHOLARSHIP...

ISN'T THAT FAVORITISM?

TOOTIE, THE SITUATION
IS CONFUSING ENOUGH

WITHOUT BRINGING
MORALITY INTO IT.

MAKE A SANDWICH.

I'D HAVE BEEN EARLIER,

BUT STEVE AND I
LINGERED OVER LUNCH

AT LA PETIT CHEVAL.

IT WAS DELIGHTFUL.

HE HAD THE SCALLOPS.
I HAD STEAK TARTARE.

OH!

HOW CAN I EXPLAIN STEAK TARTARE?

UH, IT'S LIKE... A BIG
MAC, HOLD THE HEAT.

HA! HA! HA!

"HOLD THE HEAT."
THAT'S A GOOD ONE!

IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

WHO? YOUR BUDDY, JO?

NEVER BETTER.

ASK HER FOR SOME ADVICE.

SHE'LL LOVE IT!

UM... I WANTED TO GET
YOUR OPINION ON SOMETHING.

YOU WANTED MY OPINION?

YEAH.

YOU ALWAYS LOOK
SO CHIC AND YET...

SO NATURAL.

I WAS THINKING OF DOING
SOMETHING DIFFERENT

WITH MY HAIR.

LIKE WASHING IT?

NO. I WANT THAT BRAINLESS
LOOK THAT YOU'VE GOT.

NOW, THAT'S JO.

SHE'S KIDDING.

FORGET IT!

I'D RATHER LEAVE
THAN GO THROUGH THIS.

WHAT DID SHE MEAN, LEAVE?

JO'S SCHOLARSHIP
IS BEING CUT OFF.

COULDN'T YOU PUT IN A GOOD WORD

WITH THE WARNER
TEXTILE FOUNDATION?

GOOD WORD ABOUT WHAT?

ABOUT JO!

YOUR FAMILY OFFERS
A SCHOLARSHIP.

WELL, I'M NOT SURPRISED.

OUR GENEROSITY KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

THEN YOU'LL HELP?

CONSIDER IT DONE.

JO, JO, JO.

EVERYTHING IS
GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT.

ONE LITTLE CALL TO
THAT FOUNDATION,

AND YOU'LL GET THE SCHOLARSHIP.

BLAIR... NOW, I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

"THIS IS A REAL BIGGIE

AND I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT."

AND YOU'RE RIGHT.

BUT DON'T SPEND ONE MINUTE

FEELING HUMBLY INDEBTED TO ME.

GIVING IS A WAY OF
LIFE FOR US WARNERS.

WE ALSO SUPPORT ANIMAL
PRESERVES IN AFRICA.

YES.

LAST YEAR ALONE,

WE SAVED HUNDREDS OF
MONKEYS FROM STARVATION.

SEE, JO? YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

I'M NO STARVING MONKEY!

I DON'T WANT YOUR HELP!

YOU DON'T WANT THE SCHOLARSHIP?

NOT IF YOU COME WITH IT!

THAT'S NOT EXACTLY
WHAT SHE MEANT.

YES, IT IS! I WON'T GROVEL!

NOBODY'S ASKING YOU TO GROVEL.

AN OCCASIONAL THANK
YOU NOTE... WHAT?

FORGET IT, NATALIE.

I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING
REALLY WONDERFUL FOR YOU.

OH, GO DO IT FOR A GIRAFFE!

I THOUGHT I'D SEEN
INGRATITUDE, BUT THIS...

I'LL NEVER BE GRATEFUL
TO YOU FOR ANYTHING!

REMEMBER THAT WHEN
YOU'RE HANGING OUT

WITH THE YOUNG DODOES!

DIABLOS! AND I'M NOT
GOING ANYWHERE!

I DON'T NEED YOUR
HELP OR SCHOLARSHIP!

JO! YOU DON'T MEAN THAT!

YES, I DO!

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO APPLY!

I'LL FIND A WAY TO STAY MYSELF!

WHERE'D YOU GET
THE SWEAT SHIRTS?

THIS GUY IN TOWN.

I KEEP HALF.

I'LL EARN MONEY FOR MY TUITION.

HEY, GREAT!

THESE WILL SELL LIKE... CRAZY.

SOME ARE A LITTLE IRREGULAR.

REALLY?

SOME ARE A LITTLE OLD.

I CAME TO PICK UP MY LAUNDRY.

OH, OK.

LET'S SEE... BAKER.

TWO GYM SUITS, FIVE
PAIRS OF SWEAT SOCKS.

THAT'LL BE $3.00.

DON'T I GET A BREAK?

I'M A REGULAR CUSTOMER.

BESIDES, THESE USED TO BE WHITE.

OK, $2.50.

MY CLASS STARTS SOON.

I NEED MY PAPER.

OK, OK.

SO, HOW'S OUR
HOWARD HUGHES DOING?

MADE YOUR FIRST MILLION YET?

THAT'S WHAT THAT
NOISE WAS LAST NIGHT.

BLAIR, YOUR ATTITUDE IS
LESS THAN CONSTRUCTIVE.

JO'S WORKING HER
FINGERS TO THE BONE.

WELL, SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO.

THERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD
SCHOLARSHIP WAITING FOR HER,

BUT WILL SHE TAKE IT?

NOOOO!

BECAUSE IT HAS THE WARNER NAME.

WHY NOT HELP HER A LITTLE?

AT LEAST BUY A SWEAT SHIRT.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU'RE A TREND SETTER.

IF YOU BUY ONE,
EVERYONE WILL BUY TWO

JUST TO KEEP UP WITH YOU.

THIS IS TRUE.

BUT JO DOESN'T WANT MY HELP.

SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT.

OH, NO? WATCH THIS.

CAN I BUY... NO.

SEE?

TELL JO TO GET RID OF
THE NIXON SWEAT SHIRT.

I THINK IT'S KILLING BUSINESS.

IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM,
SOMETHING'S ON "SPIN"

AND THESE WERE ON THE FLOOR.

I DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR THEM.

HERE'S "LINCOLN, THE
MAN BEHIND THE BEARD."

ANOTHER TYPING JOB?

YOU'RE RUNNING YOURSELF RAGGED.

HARD WORK IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL.

IT'S ALSO GOOD FOR
THE POCKETBOOK.

THERE'S MORE WHERE
THIS CAME FROM.

DID YOU SPEAK TO YOUR
FRIEND AT THE PANCAKE HOUSE?

YEAH.

I'M HOME FREE.

MAYBE YOU'LL PAY YOUR TUITION,

BUT YOU'LL HAVE
NO TIME FOR SCHOOL.

I'LL WORK THINGS OUT.

WHY NOT CALL YOUR MOTHER?

TELL HER WHAT'S HAPPENED.

WHAT FOR?

SHE CAN'T AFFORD TO SEND MONEY.

BESIDES, IT'S MY PROBLEM.

BUT YOU'RE AVOIDING THE
MOST OBVIOUS SOLUTION.

THE WARNER SCHOLARSHIP.

NO WAY.

NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.

YOU'RE VERY BRIGHT.

IF YOU APPLIED, YOU'D
PROBABLY GET IT.

NAT, GIVE ME A HAND.

JO... I DON'T WANT
ANY OF BLAIR'S MONEY!

JO, THE WARNER TEXTILE
FOUNDATION IS NOT BLAIR.

IT'S A BUILDING.

ACTUALLY, IT'S AN OFFICE.

THERE ARE PEOPLE THERE
WHO COULD HELP YOU.

I DON'T WANT HELP

FROM ANYONE WHOSE
LAST NAME IS WARNER.

I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T.

LISTEN, JO, I ADMIRE
ALL YOUR HARD WORK,

BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH.

JO. JO!

YOU MUST BE
REALISTIC ABOUT THIS.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

COULD YOU TEACH ME HOW TO IRON?

OH!

OOH!

OHH!

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S
BEING SO STUBBORN.

SHE'LL RUIN EVERYTHING.

SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN PIG-HEADED.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OUT OF YOU.

THIS ISN'T A FIGHT
OVER CLOSET SPACE.

COME NEXT SEMESTER,
JO WON'T BE HERE.

YES, SHE WILL.

YOU KNOW JO ALWAYS
LANDS ON HER FEET.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
TUITION COSTS HERE?

I HAVE SOME IDEA.

MY FATHER KEEPS REMINDING
ME HOW MUCH EXACTLY

BY TERM, WEEK, AND DAY.

JO WON'T MAKE IT THROUGH LUNCH.

OUR ROOM WILL HAVE AN EMPTY BED

BECAUSE JO WILL BE GOING.

GOING?

GONE.

SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT WORK?

I'M NOT GOING TO WORK TONIGHT.

ARE YOU OK?

I DON'T KNOW.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS,

BUT I'M LICKED.

OH, COME ON.

WHERE'S THE OLD
POLNIACZEK SPUNK?

TOOTIE, I'M ALL SPUNKED OUT.

MRS. G WAS RIGHT.

I'M BUSTING MY CHOPS, AND
IT'S GETTING ME NOWHERE.

I BETTER GO CALL MY MOM.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO
TELL HER, WHAT TO SAY.

OH, JO, GIRLS.

I'VE JUST COME FROM
MR. PARKER'S OFFICE,

AND I'VE GOT WONDERFUL NEWS!

NO ONE COMES FROM MR. PARKER'S
OFFICE WITH WONDERFUL NEWS.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, TRY THIS ONE ON FOR SIZE.

THIS YEAR, THE WARNER
TEXTILE FOUNDATION SCHOLARSHIP

IS BEING PRESENTED TO...

MISS JO POLNIACZEK.

CONGRATULATIONS! THAT'S GREAT!

WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW DO YOU WIN A SCHOLARSHIP
YOU NEVER APPLIED FOR?

MRS. GARRETT, YOU LITTLE DEVIL.

MRS. G, HOW'D THIS HAPPEN?

YOU SENT THE
APPLICATION IN FOR HER?

SOMETIMES, THINGS REACH A POINT

WHERE PEOPLE HAVE TO TAKE
THINGS INTO THEIR OWN HANDS.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT ANGRY.

I'M NOT ANGRY,
MRS. G. I'M THRILLED!

OHH!

I COULDN'T HAVE STAYED IN SCHOOL

WITHOUT THAT SCHOLARSHIP.

I'M GLAD I GOT IT,

NO MATTER WHOSE NAME WAS ON IT.

AND, UH, YOU DON'T MIND
THAT SOMEONE INTERFERED?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T LISTEN

TO MY RANTING AND RAVING.

I'M REAL LUCKY.

THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

BUT IT WASN'T ME.

BLAIR?

BLAIR.

YOU COULDN'T KEEP YOUR
HANDS OFF MY LIFE, COULD YOU?

I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT
YOUR CRUMMY SCHOLARSHIP!

IT'S THE SAME CRUMMY SCHOLARSHIP

YOU WERE JUST THRILLED WITH.

THAT'S DIFFERENT.

HOW? HOW?

YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I OWE YOU.

I DID NOTHING YOU COULDN'T
HAVE DONE YOURSELF.

AND YOU ONLY OWE ME $3.30.

I SENT YOUR APPLICATION
REGISTERED MAIL.

COME ON, GIRLS.

LET'S GO INSIDE AND
GET DINNER STARTED.

YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED
TO GET INVOLVED.

WE HAD A PACT.

PACT? WE HAD A FIGHT.

SAME THING.

WHAT'S THAT, THE CODE
OF THE YOUNG BOZOS?

IT'S DIABLOS, AND
LEAVE THEM OUT OF THIS.

WHEN YOU TAKE A STAND,

YOU DON'T GO BACK ON YOUR WORD.

IT'S A MATTER OF PRIDE.

WHO CARES ABOUT PRIDE?

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
YOU LEAVING SCHOOL.

WELL, YOU GOT ME MAD.

SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME MAD.

YOU MAKE ME FURIOUS.

THEN WHY DID YOU DO THIS FOR ME?

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO GO.

I CAN ADMIT WE'RE FRIENDS,

EVEN IF YOU CAN'T.

I CAN ADMIT IT.

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDSHIP IS, JO.

I DO SOMETHING FOR YOU...

AND I DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.

NO.

I DO SOMETHING FOR YOU...

AND YOU LET ME DO IT.

BUT THEN I OWE YOU... DON'T I?

YOU OWE THE GAS COMPANY.

YOU OWE BLOOMINGDALE'S.

YOU DON'T OWE YOUR FRIENDS.

YOU JUST...

GET THROUGH THINGS TOGETHER.