The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 3, Episode 10 - Cousin Geri Returns - full transcript

♪

♪ You take the good,
you take the bad ♪

♪ You take them both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life,
the facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you got to
go and show you're growing ♪

♪ And now you know
about the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're finding out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪



♪ You ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get them right ♪

♪ When you're
learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

Well, I hope everybody
likes long sandwiches.

Blair, I think you
overbought for the party.

Oh, but I budgeted
everything so carefully.

You know, so
much for invitations,

so much for decorations,
so much for food.

Yeah, but so much for food!

Well, at least the Bates
boys are splitting it with us.



Mrs. Garrett, worrying about
money produces tension.

Goes straight to
the shoulder blades.

Oh, that's so good.

I can feel it right in
my car payments.

Excuse me. Is this the
Eastland home for wayward girls?

Hey, Geri, you look great!

Excuse me.

As a blood relative,
I get the first hug.

Oh, I defer it to Vampira.

Blair. Geri, how are you doing?

Okay, okay, okay, sit down and
tell us the latest showbiz gossip.

Uh, Natalie. Now give
the girl a chance to relax.

Relaxed? Now, what's the
scoop on Michael Jackson?

Geri, our rising star.

Mrs. Garrett. You
look wonderful.

Oh, you look terrific. Oh.

We're so thrilled with you
headlining at Brown's Hotel.

Yeah, I'll be making frequent
appearances between celebrities.

Geri, I feel awful about having to
miss your opening night, tonight.

But while you have them rolling in
the aisles, I'm going to a party in Paris.

Well, actually, the Bates gym,

complete with French food,
French music, and the river Seine.

She means fries, an accordion,

and the janitor standing in the
middle of the room with a hose.

Hey, um, I've never been
to Paris. Mind if I tag along?

Wait a minute.

How do you open your
act without being there?

You can't.

There was a mix-up with the
dates, so I don't open till Monday.

I'm yours for the weekend.

In that case, don't unpack.

You're on your way to
Paris, the city of love.

Sounds terrific.

Would it be okay?

Oh, sure.

Why, it's more than okay.

We'll have a ball. We'll
paint the town rouge.

Then it's all set.
Come on, Geri.

While the girls are
straightening up in here,

we'll have some cafe au
lait and a little parlez-vous.

Sounds tres okay to me.

Hey, Blair, I'm really
looking forward to tonight.

Yeah. Yeah.

What's the matter, Blair?

You've got that "what
do I do now" look.

What do I do now?

About what?

Geri can't go to that party.

Why not?

Everyone's gonna be paired off.

She'll feel like an
unmatched sock.

So get her a date.

You say that as if it's a
solution to the problem.

That's a bigger problem.

Well, it shouldn't be.

Geri's cute, funny, and
has a great personality.

And she's met Michael Jackson.

And she has cerebral palsy.

And that makes her special.

I guess CP would
make some guys uptight.

Then we'll just have to find her
someone as special as she is.

How about that senior at Bates?

You know, the one
in the wheelchair?

Do you hear yourself
or do you just talk?

Blair, just because two
people are handicapped

doesn't make it a
match made in heaven.

Well, it was just a thought.

Mrs. Garrett, the boys at
Bates broke their punch bowl.

Can we borrow yours tonight?

Oh, sure. My punch
bowl is your punch bowl.

This party is going to kill me.

Only if you don't return
my punch bowl in one piece.

Oh. Thanks.

Hi, there. Hi.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, uh, Geri, I want you to meet
Michael Palmer, our French teacher.

Michael, this is
Blair's cousin, Geri.

Wait a minute. I know you.

You do?

W-Well, I know who you are.
You're a comedienne, right?

Yeah.

She's a wonderful comedienne.

You probably saw her on
The Mike Douglas Show.

It was Merv
Griffin, Mrs. Garrett.

Actually, it was the
Cerebral Palsy Telethon.

You were terrific.

Thanks.

Boy, I must be
moving up in the world.

Last year they only let
me answer the phone.

Maybe next year they'll
give me my own "Geri's Kids."

Oh, I'll get that for you.
You just sit right down there.

Hey, I'm a stand-up
comic. Not a sit-down comic.

Of course. I am sorry.

Hey, just a joke. Obviously,
not one of my better ones.

Hey, I really am a fan
and a good audience.

Believe me, keep trying.

Okay, Mr. Palmer. Here you go.

Three wheels of Brie, the
French bread, the trays.

And don't forget the punch bowl.

I just had one of
Blair's brilliant ideas.

Geri, you have a car, don't you?

Sure do.

Well, maybe we could
put the stuff in your car

before you go over
there tonight with Blair.

No problem.

Oh, you're going to be at
the, uh, French Club party?

Yeah, I'm gatecrashing.

Ah.

You got a date?

Do I need one?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, spending an evening
alone in Paris is against the law.

It is?

Well, if it isn't, it should be.

Listen, uh, why
don't we go together?

That'll be great.

I mean, I wouldn't want to
have my head chopped off.

Not to worry. France
gave up the guillotine.

The worst that can happen
now is you'll be hanged.

That's very comforting.

I know. I'll call Glenn and ask
him to take Geri to the party.

This is the perfect opportunity
for him to show his devotion to me.

What makes you think she'd want to
go out with one of your nerdy friends?

They're too young for her
and she's too nice for them.

Well, I don't know what to do.

I know.

I'll suddenly develop
a raging fever

and not even be
able to go to the party.

Why don't you give us a break
and pass out for a couple of days?

Oh, you mean that
one about the waitress?

Yes.

Oh, hi, Mr., uh, Palmer.
Remember me? Natalie.

Next semester, you're mine.

Uh, ah...

I mean, uh, you're gonna
be my French teacher.

I thought you were
taking Spanish.

Not anymore.

Oh, Mr. Palmer.

I don't know how
to tell you this,

but I think I'm coming
down with something.

My cheeks are flushed and
I feel sick to my stomach.

So do I.

I may have to miss the party.

Oh, gee, that's too bad.

Well, Mike and I will
have to tell you all about it.

Mike?

Yeah. Geri has agreed
to be my date tonight.

Date?

Gee, Nat, she works
faster than you do.

That's wonderful.

Mr. Palmer will be your escort.

You know, all of a
sudden I'm feeling better.

Nothing like a little good news
to bring you back to normal.

Walter Cronkite couldn't
bring her back to normal.

Well, I'd better be going. We
have to finish decorating the gym.

Uh... A ce soir.

Oh.

A next semester.

Okay. Catch you later.

I'll see you tonight. Bye-bye.

Bye, Mike.

Uh, this is such
a romantic story.

Geri, a stranger,
just passing through.

Mr. Palmer, a French teacher,
single, good-looking, lonely.

Okay, Geri, how'd you hook him?

I said to him, "Hi,

"lonely, good-looking
French teacher.

"I'm just a stranger,
passing through."

Well, I hope you're
pleased with yourself.

You've made the
catch of the year.

Yeah, he's really smooth.

Smooth? Peanut butter is smooth.

Mr. Palmer is suave, and
intelligent, and charming.

And a fox.

Remember every
detail. Take notes.

You're gonna have
such a good time.

Remember every
detail. Take notes.

Aren't you excited?

Yeah, but I'm a
little nervous, too.

I mean, first date and all.

Oh, I understand,
but don't worry.

Tonight's gonna
be unforgettable.

My parties always are.

Mrs. Garrett,
I've done it again.

Oh, the party was a success?

Who cares about
the stupid party?

I've given Geri a
night to remember.

Oh, I'm so glad
she had a good time.

That's an understatement.

You should have seen
Mr. Palmer. He was magnificent.

Well, I always thought
he was rather attractive.

Especially for a teacher.

But you should have seen
the way he treated Geri.

Yeah?

He was thoughtful and attentive

and he didn't leave
her side for a minute.

Except when she
went to the ladies' room.

That's class.

He made it seem like it
was a... a regular date.

Well, what other
kind of date is there?

Ah, you know, the
kind Geri's used to.

Where she and a buddy go out
for a hamburger and to a movie.

But this was different.

They danced together. Slow.

He was so gracious. Uh-huh.

Hi.

Hi!

You look like you had
a good time tonight.

Oh, yeah.

She was the belle of the ball.

Oh, I'm so glad that you
hit it off with Mr. Palmer.

Hit it off?

Did Romeo and Juliet hit it off?

What?

I think Geri liked him.

Mrs. Garrett, I'm not even
going to try to be cool about this.

I never thought the weekend
would turn out this way.

What way?

Well, I figured the high point would be
a hot game of Monopoly with you guys,

not a day in the
mountains with Michael.

Mountains?

Mike wants to show me a
place called Sunset Ridge.

Sunset Ridge.

It sounds so romantic.

I hope so.

I don't want to just go
up there to get poison ivy.

Well, listen, I'd better
rest up for tomorrow.

Yeah, good night, hon.

Good night. Sweet
dreams. I know I'll have them.

Now there is one happy girl.

Not for long.

Can't you see what's happening?

Yes. Geri's being
taken to the mountains.

She's being led
to the slaughter!

Blair! Don't you want
Geri to have a good time?

She's not having a good time.

She's falling in love!

Can't you do both
at the same time?

Not Geri.

How could he do that to her?

How could he make
her fall in love with him?

Blair, why are you
getting so upset?

Geri doesn't know
anything about men.

She's so innocent.

He's gonna break her heart.

What's with you, Blair?
Geri had fun last night.

I know she did.

Mr. Palmer showed
her a great time.

That dirty rat!

What's wrong with
showing her a great time?

Because she'll get used to it.

Who wouldn't?

I still think he's a fox.

He's sly and sneaky.
That's what he is.

Yesterday you said he was suave.

Did I? I meant oily.

Blair, the man speaks French!

So did Casanova!

I'm just worried
sick about Geri.

What for?

Because she's crazy
about Mr. Palmer

and she thinks
he's crazy about her.

Maybe he is.

Tootie, you're so naive. Listen
to the voice of experience.

Shrieking like a
banshee in the night.

I know his type.

He thinks he's a do-gooder.

Going up to Sunset Ridge with
him would certainly do me good.

Natalie, this is serious.

Mr. Palmer thinks he's doing something
noble by dating a handicapped person.

But as soon as he's racked
up enough brownie points,

he'll dump Geri and
move on to another cause.

And Geri will be left all alone with
her little broken heart in her hand.

I never thought of it that way.

That would be a
rotten thing to do.

Maybe the man is a sleaze.
After all, he speaks French.

How can he be so nice to Geri?

Oh, that's so cruel.

It's unforgivable.

I say, when Palmer comes
in, we blow his brains out.

Jo, that's not funny.

Geri's important to us.
She's almost one of the family.

She is one of my family.

Well, has anyone asked
Geri what she thinks?

A woman about to plunge into
her first love affair doesn't think.

Good morning, girls.

Ah, flowers! For me?
You shouldn't have.

I didn't.

But it was an oversight.
Next time, I promise. Okay?

Did I tell you? Oily!

Mr. Mazola!

I'll tell Geri you're here.

Okay.

Ah, bonjour, Mademoiselle
Natalie. Comment ca va?

Aqui se habla Espanol!

Okey-dokey.

Oh, Mr. Palmer, congratulations.

I hear the party was
a big, big success.

Oh, it was for me. I just
hope Geri had a good time.

She did. What do
you want, a medal?

Well, actually, I
wanted to return these.

Oh, thanks. And my punch bowl?

And I wanted to give you these.

And my punch bowl?

What can I say? It
was out of my hands.

And all over the
gymnasium floor.

I promise, I'll get
you another one.

Look who's here!

Hi, Geri. Hi, Mike.

How you doing? You
got everything you need?

Yeah, I got
everything for the day.

And don't forget,
this evening, too.

How could I forget that?

What do you mean
by "this evening"?

How does a picnic dinner
at Sunset Ridge sound?

Dangerous.

I mean, Sunset Ridge
can be dangerous.

The rocks, the
height... The sunset.

I'm sure Mike will take
very good care of me.

Hey, I was a Boy Scout.

Have a good time, kids.

Oh, we will, thank you. Bye-bye.

Bye. Bye-bye.

"Have a good time, kids"?

What kind of
thing is that to say?

They're going to the mountains.

What am I supposed to
say? "Don't trip over a goat"?

Jo, quick, get your
motorcycle, and flip it on,

or jump on it, or
whatever you do to start it.

What for?

We're going to follow them!

What are you, the Lone Ranger?

Forget it, Kemosabe!

Why hasn't she come
home from her date?

So she's a little late.

Twelve hours late.

That's only half a day.

And all of a night.

Tootie, sleep.

Are you kidding?
And miss all this?

Mrs. Garrett, I'm
worried sick about Geri.

Where could she
and Mr. Palmer be?

We know where they are, it's what
they're doing that I'm worried about.

It's none of our business
what she's doing.

She's a grown woman.
She can take care of herself.

You certainly wouldn't
have that attitude

if one of us was out all
night with a strange man.

I certainly would not.

But Geri is 23 and she's old
enough to take care of herself.

She's a guest
here, not a prisoner.

Like us.

I'll admit, she
could have called.

She should have called.

I shouldn't have let
her go in the first place.

Oh, Blair, don't get
all bent out of shape.

I'm sure if something happened,
somebody would have called.

Geri or Mr. Palmer.

Or the police or the
hospital or the morgue.

Jo, stop being so helpful.

Somebody call the morgue!

Who died?

Geri!

Good morning.

Good afternoon!

No kidding?

I'm glad you're all right.

Some of us were
beginning to worry.

Others of us have
been up all night.

I guess time really flies
up on Sunrise Ridge.

That's Sunset Ridge.

Not anymore.

Girls, would you excuse us?

I'd like to speak to
Geri alone for a minute.

Yes, we'd like to speak
to Geri alone for a minute.

When they're finished, I'd
like a few words with you.

I want to talk to you, too.

Should I take a number?

Listen, if you want
to break out of here,

I'm going over the
wall at midnight.

Geri, I... I really...

I don't know what to say. You
really put me in a bind last night.

Well, I know what to say.

Wait your turn.

I was worried about you.

All right. I'm... I'm
sorry, Mrs. Garrett.

I should have called,
but... But what?

It was too late.

And then, when I thought
about calling again,

it was too early.

Well, it was
inconsiderate of you.

I know. Go ahead,
read me the riot act.

Enough said.

No, it's not.

I guess it's her turn now.

Geri, I want you to know

I'm doing this for
your own good.

Doing what?

Forbidding you to
see Mr. Palmer again.

Are you hearing
what I'm hearing?

I'm hearing, but I'm not
believing what I'm hearing.

Now, I know what they
say about forbidden fruit,

but I don't want you
sneaking off with him

the minute my back is turned.

Blair, is there any
particular reason

you're talking to
me like I'm 12?

Geri, you don't know
anything about men.

I've had experiences with guys.

I know.

A hamburger with a
friend, a movie, a ballgame.

Blair, when I said I've
had experience with guys,

I mean I've had
experience with guys.

But you said this
was your first date.

It was, with Mike.

Okay. So you've had other dates.

Which, by the way,
you never told me about.

You never asked. You just
assumed there weren't any.

I just don't want you letting
him take advantage of you

because you feel
grateful to him.

Grateful? I don't have to feel
grateful that he asked me out!

He's lucky I went!

I didn't mean it that way.

Yes, you probably did.

Geri, after all
you've been through,

you don't need to be subjected
to that kind of rejection.

Since when is an
all-night date rejection?

I just don't want
her to get hurt.

Blair,

when I learned to roller skate,

I got hurt.

When I learned to
ride a bike, I got hurt.

But now I know
how to roller skate

and I know how to ride a bike.

Blair, rejection is a risk most
people are willing to take.

Now, haven't you ever been afraid
that a boy might walk out on you?

Let me find a better example.

Geri.

I was just trying
to protect you.

I don't have to be protected.

I just want a life. A full life.

I just want to be able to experience
the same things as everyone else.

I'm sorry.

I guess I'm still making
mistakes where you're concerned.

Will I ever get my act together?

Eventually.

It's okay, I'm patient.

And besides,
you're worth the wait.

So, are you going to
see Mr. Palmer again?

Well, he said he'd call and
I said I'd go out with him.

And if I'm free, I will.

Oh, Geri, be free!

I mean...

Be available. Oh, I mean...

Oh, see him again. He's
such a nice young man!

But if you're gonna
have to break his heart,

at least wait until he
grades my French exam.

♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪

♪ And enjoy the fun of
managing the facts of life ♪

♪ They shed a lot of light ♪

♪ If you hear them
from your brother ♪

♪ Better clear them
with your mother ♪

♪ Better get them right,
call her late at night ♪

♪ You got the future in
the palm of your hand ♪

♪ All you got to do to get
you through is understand ♪

♪ You think you'd
rather do without ♪

♪ You'll never make it
through without the truth ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪