The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 1, Episode 9 - Flash Flood - full transcript

Sex, sex, sex.

That's all the American public
thinks about. It's disgusting.

- What are you
talking about, Molly?
- The media pays...

nauseating amounts of money to the stars
they think will get the audience "excited."

Oh, you're talking
about Bo Derek, huh?

No, it's a guy.
He is sexy though.

Who is it? Robert
Redford? John Travolta?

What's sexy about those guys?

It's Dan Rather.

- He's got it all.
- Plus eight million dollars.

And worth every cent of it.



♪ There's a place you gotta go ♪

♪ For learning all you oughta
know about the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When your books are
what you're there about ♪

♪ But looks are
what you care about ♪

♪ The time is right to
learn the facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ It's time you
started finding out ♪

♪ What everything is all about ♪

♪ When the boys you
used to hate you date ♪

♪ I guess you best
investigate the facts of life ♪

♪ You gotta get 'em right ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪



♪♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

While upstate New York
braces for even more rain,

the governor has declared
the entire state a disaster area.

No kidding.

The baseball field
is a sea of mud.

I'm gonna turn into flab if
I don't get some exercise.

Why doesn't it stop? Haven't
we been through enough?

The riding trails are underwater.
The April dance has been canceled.

And I don't even wanna think
what the rain is doing to my hair.

Whoo! Oh! Oh.

If I don't get to skate soon,
I'm gonna have to learn to walk.

Pray for a miracle, Tootie.

You may be the first
person to skate on water.

Well, at least they
delivered the newspaper. Oh!

Ohh. Natalie, pop it in the
oven so we can read it tomorrow.

How would you like
it, medium or rare?

Hi, girls. Hi, Mrs. Garrett.
Mr. Bradley, how are you?

Well, it's rough out there.
We've been sandbagging all night.

If that creek rises another foot, I
don't know what's gonna happen.

I do. We'll have
to swim to class.

If it doesn't stop raining,
we're gonna lose the stable.

Stable? Chestnut is up
there. He could drown!

Yeah! So could my two
rabbits, Romeo and Juliet!

Let's go. No, no, you're
not going anywhere.

If that dam goes, you could
be under eight feet of water.

- But, Mr. Bradley,
what about Chestnut?
- I'll take care of him later.

But, Mr. Bradley...
You are staying here.

Is that clear? Tootie? Blair?

Yes.

Very clear.

But Romeo and
Juliet hate thunder!

I'm gonna have a couple
of bummed-out bunnies.

If I know my rabbits, they'll
find a way to forget the thunder.

Look, I've gotta
check the other dorms.

Girls, everything
is gonna be okay.

How bad is it?

Very bad. The dam's about to go.

Uh, I'm gonna
double-check the basement.

Sue Ann, I'm getting to the stables.
But if anyone asks, I'm upstairs studying.

You understand? And... And
I'll be taking a very long shower.

But you just promised that
you wouldn't go down there.

We'll be back before we're
missed. I gotta get to those animals.

What are we gonna do now?

Popcorn?

Forget the popcorn.
We've got a problem.

Blair and Tootie just went
down to the stable. Mmm.

Nancy, where are you going?

Roger's driving over with
my raincoat. I left it in his car.

Front or backseat?

Oh, well, it's not too
bad down there. Whoo!

Barely enough
water to float a duck.

Hey. Nancy, this is lousy
weather to take a stroll.

Roger's on his way to the dorm. I'm gonna
stand outside so he doesn't get mixed up.

Standing outside
won't cure that problem.

But you'll get drenched.

I do know how to open
an umbrella, Mrs. Garrett.

- Popcorn?
- No, thank you.

Could you repeat that?

Okay, thanks. I'm
going off the air now. 73.

K6YBV this is W2JIO.

Mrs. Garret, do you know
my ham-radio buddy K6YBV?

Well, we've never dated.

Well, he says Stony
Point's been evacuated,

and that's only five miles away.

Thanks for the warning.

Hey, where's Tootie and Blair?

Don't talk with your mouth full.

Sue Ann, where are they?

Let me try to remember
exactly what they said.

Um, I think Blair said,
"I'll be upstairs studying."

- And Tootie's taking
a very long shower.
- Oh, fine.

I'm soaked!

I can't open this stupid thing.

Well, at least the
umbrella's dry.

Damn it. The dam just broke. The
water's pouring into Eastland Creek.

- Does that mean the stables
are in danger?
- Oh, no. The horse.

- I just hope I can
get him out of there.
- Blair and Tootie!

What about Blair and Tootie?
They aren't at the stables?

Oh.

I don't like the way
that creek keeps rising.

It's okay. It's okay.

He's trembling. He senses
that we might be afraid.

Sharp horse.

Don't worry, boy.
We're gonna be just fine.

See, he's calmer.

I don't lie to my animals.

I give them the straight truth.

Rabbits, you're dead.

I'm just kidding.

Don't be such a worrier, Tootie.

Everything's gonna be just...

- Oh, no!
- What do you mean, "Oh, no"?

The bridge we came across is
washed out! What are we gonna do?

Oh, Tootie, Blair.
Thank God you're safe.

Mr. Bradley. How
did you get here?

Well, I waded across the shallowest part
of the creek where it's only waist high.

Wow! You got damp
underwear for us!

I'm sorry, Mr. Bradley. We shouldn't have
come down here. You must be furious at me.

Who has time to be furious? I just
gotta figure out a way to get us out.

We can't! We're trapped!
Now, Blair, calm down.

The bridge is washed out!
The water's getting higher!

Blair. We're gonna drown!

Are you gonna slap her
like they do in the movies?

Of course not. Blair's
gonna be just fine.

Now, let's see if we can save the
stable. Tootie, get me some bags.

We'll fill 'em and
stack 'em outside.

Blair, cover your horse.
He's shivering. Right.

- You think of everything.
- Well, that's the "head" part
about being headmaster.

It's just wonderful how you take charge.
Have you ever been through a flood?

Well, once my
bathtub overflowed.

Water's water.

Joking at a time
like this. That's great.

Blair, stop smiling
and start shoveling!

Tootie. Tootie,
I'll handle this.

Blair, see if you can find some more
bags. I'll go outside and get some sand.

Tootie, get the door.

Isn't he terrific?

You know, I've always
thought of him as Headmaster.

I just realized something.

He's a man.

Rabbits, we are in trouble.

Roger, honey, I know you were
trying to get to me, but it's a flood.

I just hope your
Subaru will be all right.

That car is so full
of memories, Roger.

Roger? Hello?

It's dead! Mrs. Garrett,
the phone is dead.

Oh, no. That's all we needed.

Wait. What am I saying? No
problem. We got Molly here.

She's much more reliable than the
telephone company. I'm glad you noticed.

Mrs. Garrett, the roof is
leaking in a bunch of places!

Yeah. One of my stuffed
animals was totaled.

- Not to panic.
- Can you think of
a better time?

Just go into the kitchen, take out
some pots and put them under the leaks.

I'll do it. It'll keep
my mind off Roger.

How? Roger's such a drip.

Mrs. Garrett, the water's
right up to the stables,

and I don't see how Blair and
Tootie are gonna get out of there.

Oh, girls, Mr. Bradley knows
what he's doing. Trust him.

And the most important thing for
all of us to do is just keep our cool.

- Mrs. Garrett!
- What?

- Oh. Forgive me.
- We're out of pots.

Are you telling me we
don't have a pot to...

put the water in?

- Check the pantry.
- Oh, okay.

Mrs. Garrett, got a towel?

Cindy, you are soaked.

I know. I was in the basement.

What were you doing in the basement?
And don't tell me "the backstroke."

I was getting my spikes.

The fuse box is down there.

Cindy, you could've
been electrocuted.

Nobody... Nobody
go near that basement.

Oh, no. Not the
electricity too? Oh.

At least now it's safe
to swim in the basement.

Gotta move a little faster.

Make that a lot faster.

Can I help you carry that?
No, no, no. It's not very heavy.

Get the door.

I'm really seeing a
different side of Mr. Bradley.

The sweaty side.

You know, I never
thought an older man...

could be so exciting
and interesting.

Blair, are you off your perch?

What do you mean? You're
falling for old man Bradley.

You noticed?

Boy, you must really be
hard up for good grades.

The water's coming in too fast.
We're gonna have to make a run for it.

Now, I'm gonna put
you two on Chestnut...

and lead you across the
narrowest part of the creek.

Well, that's the plan. Just pray
the current doesn't sweep us away.

I don't suppose you
have a drier plan?

Tootie, don't worry.

Just pretend that you are a fairy
princess and this is your royal steed.

And you're my white knight?

It's a pretty grim fairy tale.

All right, Blair?

I trust you completely.

Well, good. Good.

Ready? I know what
you're doing for us...

and how dangerous it is.

Thank you. All right.

Uh, Blair. Blair.

Yes? Up we go.

Now, if the horse falls in the
creek, swim hard for either bank.

Tootie, do you wanna
get rid of those skates?

No way! If this ship goes down,

I'm rolling through
those pearly gates.

Stephen?

I want you to know,
if we don't make it...

Tootie, take off those skates.

Roger, you're impossible.

Roger, don't talk like that.

What if Nancy were to find out?

Give me that
phone! Hello? Hello?

I was only kidding.
The phone's still dead.

I know. And I bet my
mom is worried sick.

Thank goodness the
lights came back on.

Oh.

Mrs. Garrett, the water's
getting higher out there.

It's getting higher in the basement
too. Any sign of Tootie? Blair?

No. Isn't there
something we can do?

I mean, can't we go out there
and look for 'em? Absolutely not.

I know we're all worried, but
Mr. Bradley knows what he's doing.

Mrs. Garrett, I was in a flood
once back in Kansas City,

and 38 people were lost.

And I bet they were
all taller than Tootie.

It's Tootie! She's back!

- Hi!
- Oh. Oh! Tootie! You're safe!

Oh, I was really
scared out there.

I needed every one of
these eight lucky rabbit feet.

Hey, where's Blair
and Mr. Bradley?

Blair's lagging behind
because of the sprained ankle.

Sprained ankle?
Is she all right?

Hi. Mr. Bradley, what happened?

I fell crossing the creek. Sprained
my ankle, twisted my knee.

But we're back. Stephen was
the bravest man I have ever seen.

Mm-hmm. Stephen?

Ah, I'm sure he was.

It's Roger. He made it!

Hey, you're looking good, Roger.

Oh, no, Chestnut.

I like the pattern of
the rug just the way it is.

Out. No. I'm sorry, dear.

Come on. Out, out.
Out you go. That's right.

I'll take him round back
and dry him off, Mrs. Garrett.

Boy, do I feel dumb. Lotta
help I'm gonna be now.

You took care of us. Now
let us take care of you.

Yes, don't you worry
about a thing, Mr. Bradley.

The girls and I'll take
care of everything.

Now, here, let me
get your foot up.

Mrs. Garrett, what are we gonna
do now? The telephone is dead.

Don't worry. Bring the
horse back. I'll ride for help.

Relax, Paul Revere.
Now, where does it hurt?

Oh, there. Sorry.

Well, girls, you
get the picture?

We're in charge now.

Mrs. Garrett, you and
the girls can't handle it.

This is not the senior
prom. It's a flood.

Mr. Bradley, you've
always said that

Eastland builds
leadership and self-reliance.

Well, here's a chance for
the girls to prove it. Right.

Because I'm afraid
you've got a broken ankle.

Well, that's the
worst it can be.

Good news. I got ahold of K6YBV,

and he's sending the
national guard to help us.

Good girl, Molly! We could
use some help filling sandbags.

No. They can't spare any troops.

But they're sending a guy in a

four-wheel-drive truck
to get us out of here.

Well, what about this place?

We could all save
it if we all pitched in.

Without me? Forget it. I
want these girls taken to safety.

You treat 'em like they're little girls
when they're competent young women.

Come on. Come on.
Give 'em a chance.

Mrs. Garrett, I am in charge here.
Now, everybody, upstairs and packed.

Take only what's
important to you.

I mean now! Oh!

Okay, Mr. Bradley,
you're the boss.

I'll stay here with
you, Stephen.

Can I massage your knee?

No, no, no, no. It'll be all...

Massage my knee?

Uh, Blair, better stop
calling me Stephen.

- We're alone.
- Especially when we're alone.

Now, we have to
have a serious talk.

Yes, it is serious.

At first I thought
it was just a crush.

But it's more than that.

Blair, it's the most natural
thing in the world for a student...

to think that she's in love
with her headmaster...

Especially when
he's not unattractive.

Oh, but I don't think
of you as attractive.

No. It's deeper than that.

You're a lovely young girl who
should be interested in young men.

- I'm old enough
to be your father.
- Barely.

That is true.

Anyway, the age doesn't
mean anything when...

When two people
are as close as we are.

Blair.

What you feel
for me is not love.

It's hero worship.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

Don't you see? You were a terrified little
girl. I went to the stable and saved you.

I was not terrified.

Okay, so I was a little scared.

I would've pulled
myself together.

Oh, be honest. You were
confused and panicky.

I could see that
little-girl fear in your eyes.

Stop calling me a little girl!

Tootie and I would have gotten
out of there if you hadn't shown up.

- Oh, really?
- Yes, really.

We would have led Chestnut
across the creek by ourselves.

And you would have
found a safe place to cross?

Of course!

And we wouldn't have twisted our
knee or sprained our ankle doing it.

Well, it's easy to say you
could've gotten out by yourself.

Lucky you didn't
have to prove it.

I don't have to prove anything.

I don't know what
I ever saw in you,

but whatever it was, it's over.

- Hey. What's all
the shoutin' about?
- Nothing.

Mr. Bradley and I were
discussing how helpless women are,

how we have to wait
to be saved by men.

That's not what I said, Blair.

Well, what did you say?

Well, I said... Well,
that's not what I said...

What I meant was that
women are extremely capable.

They just have to become
aware of their... limitations.

- Oh? We have limitations?
- Yes.

All right, all right. I'm
the national guard.

- Whoo!
- Hey, at ease.

I'm glad you're here.
We're all ready to go.

All right. Come on.
Everybody in the truck.

Not on your life.

- Hey, what is this,
a false alarm here?
- Tell me...

Are all the schools in the
Peekskill area being evacuated?

Some of them, but they're
on lower ground. Aha.

What about Bates
Academy, the boys' school?

They're toughin' it
out... you know, fillin'

sandbags, diggin'
your runoff channels.

Do you think we're
in any real danger?

Not if you had some real men
here who can handle a shovel.

That was the wrong thing to say.

It sure was, metalhead.

We can shovel it
as well as any man.

Okay, look. Is anybody
gonna get in the truck or not?

I think Mr. Bradley should.

He's gotta get
that ankle x-rayed.

Well, I can't leave. I'm the only one
standing between the girls and the flood.

Hey, I wouldn't pull
that hero stuff, Pops.

Yeah. You gotta know
your limitations, Pops.

Oh, don't you worry, Mr. Bradley.
The girls and I can handle everything.

And you need a doctor
to look at that ankle.

How about it,
Mr. Bradley? We can do it!

- Hey, you listen to her. She's
tougher than my sergeant.
- Wow!

Yeah, I guess she is.

All right. It's all yours,
Edna. You can handle it.

You ready?

Upsy-daisy.

Okay, girls. Get into
your work clothes. Okay.

Uh, Mr. Bradley.

Thank you for saving us.

- You really are a hero.
- You're welcome, Blair.

Hey, look, girls.
After I dump, uh...

Mr. Bradley. Yeah, whatever.

I'd like to come back
and maybe help you out.

Thank you, but we're fine.

Definitely come back.

Let's move out, soldier.

Don't you want your
jammies or anything?

Move out, metalhead.

I'll help him.

Okay, girls. Let's give this flood
some relief and show 'em how it's done!

All right, Sue
Ann, Natalie, Molly.

- Get the shovels
out of the shed.
- All right.

Nancy, Tootie, go check the
drainpipe on the front porch.

Okay. And I'll help you
bail out the basement, okay?

Great. I'll teach you how
to work a sump pump.

Well, what are you
standing around for, Blair?

Get into your designer disaster
outfit and grab a plunger.

Sure!

Uh, Mrs. Garrett,
what's a plunger?

Oh, come on!

♪ When the boys you
used to hate you date ♪

♪ I guess you best investigate ♪

♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪

♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪

♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪

♪ Gotta get 'em
right The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ It's time you
started finding out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪♪