The Dukes of Hazzard (1979–1985): Season 4, Episode 9 - 10 Million Dollar Sheriff: Part 2 - full transcript
Uncle Jesse seriously injures himself as the shaken Duke patriarch learns that bounty hunter Jason Steele is a wanted criminal. Steele eventually manages to frame Bo and Luke on grand-theft auto (by having them drive away in a stolen Dodge Charger painted exactly like the General Lee). Hosiah Coltrane's attorney then informs Rosco that a mistake had been made and that the sheriff had only inherited $10 - leaving Rosco way short of the $100,000 needed to pay Steele for services rendered. Steele eventually blows his top when he learns Rosco doesn't have the money, and he must rely on Bo and Luke to save him from a potentially brutal fate.
You are now worth $10 million.
What's it like being the richest man
in Hazzard County?
-lt‘s good news.
-But he ain't.
I'm the richest man in Hazzard County.
I always have been and I always will be!
-A Rolls Royce...
-That‘s it.
-...turned into a sheriffs patrol car?
-lsn‘t it a doozy?
What kind of a nincompoop
would do this to a Rolls?
A very rich nincompoop, actually.
-Little sniveling, little, fat little pipsqueak.
-Who are you talking about?
"rs You, H099
-|VI e? I?
You got nerve talking about me like that.
The most important man
in Hazzard County.
You were the most important man
in Hazzard County.
You ain't no more. I am.
I'm challenging you,
here and now, to a duel with cards.
Since we both bet
everything in the world we own...
-I got a pair of kings.
-I got an ace.
-I got nothing.
-I won it.
I made the richest man in Hazzard County
the poorest in the state.
Now, Rosco had everything.
Well, almost everything.
The Dukes are still running free.
Mr. Jason Steele.
I want you to capture
a couple of desperate criminals...
by the name of Bo and Luke Duke.
Well, Mr. Coltrane,
that will cost you twice the going rate.
Roscds used his inheritance money
to hire a private detective...
to run you guys right into prison.
A fellow by the name of Steele.
I don't know him, but I know of him.
One mean fellow.
If you ever even think
about welshing on that payment....
I wouldn't think-- Welshing!
John Law from you know who.
You're ready to go fishing?
lfl can find me a couple of suckers
worth catching.
We're at the County line.
Just a couple of feet,
we'd have been across the County line.
The Dukes must have knocked
on about every door in Hazzard...
hoping to come up with somebody
who could put them onto Jason Steele.
But it's like chasing a ghost.
-Uncle Jesse, where are you going?
-I'm going down by the swamp.
lfl was on the larn,
that's where I'd be hiding out.
Breaker. Uncle Jesse, this is crazy Cooter
coming at you. What's your 20, come on.
Is he gonna be all right, Doc?
I can't say. A comatose state at his age....
I'm afraid it's out of our hands now.
Dr. Brent, please cell the operator.
-You got any idea what happened?
-No.
No. He was like that when I found him.
I can't figure out what he was doing
in that part of the county.
It's my fault. lfl wouldn't have given him
that picture of Steele...
he wouldn't have stormed out
looking for him.
Don't blame yourself.
He was trying to help us.
It ain't y‘all‘s fault. If it's anybody‘s fault,
it's this lizard here.
We ain't forgetting that, Cooter.
It's just one more reason
we got to catch this sucker.
Maybe it ain't as bad as it seems.
Old Jesse, now, he's a tough old goat.
Well, I'll say a prayer for him, too.
I appreciate you calling, thank you.
Dang their luck, anyway.
-Who is it?
-J.D. Hogg.
-Which Hogg is that?
-Rosco, it‘s me.
Well, come on in here.
What are you interrupting
my coffee break for, anyway?
Look at this.
You and that hound of yours,
both eating yourselves silly...
off of what used to be
my silver doodads and geegaws.
They're my silver doodads
and geegaws now.
What are you doing in here
without an appointment, anyway?
-Well, there's a terrible emergency.
-Emergency'? What emergency?
-My wife, your sister, Lulu.
-What‘s wrong with Lulu?
-Her mouth.
-What‘s wrong with her mouth?
She's hungry.
You know what it costs
to feed that sister of yours?
Why do you think Mama and I
let you marry her in the first place?
With your having wiped me out,
leaving me flat broke...
I sure ain't got the wherewithal
to keep your sister filled up...
in the style to which
she has long become accustomed.
-I sure could use a nibble myself.
-Get your hands....
-See what you do.
-Look, Rosco...
as your dearest friend and brother-in-law...
and as your sister's provider
and protector, I'm asking you....
No, I'm not.
I'm getting down on my knees
and I'm begging you...
to settle a little itty-bitty pension on us...
-for the rest of our born days.
-Get your pea-picking hands off them peas.
Are you kidding me, Hogg?
Me, support you for the rest of my life?
I'll tell you one thing. I wouldn't give you
a red, white, or blue cent.
-Why don‘t you get a job?
-Job?
-Instead of relying on us idle rich.
-Yeah.
Maybe I could take a job
that was part-time...
not too hard
and gave me a cut of the take.
No, that's my job.
But you know something?
I could use myself another deputy dipstick.
Me?
Be your deputy?
-Well, after all that--
-Zip.
-You and l.... You were my....
-Zip.
Just hush!
You could have the job
if you call me "sir"...
and if you grovel once in a while...
and if we can get that
fat little carcass of yours in a uniform.
All right, Hogg. How about it?
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
He took it. He just....
Back at the city hall,
there's another first for Hazzard County.
Atten-hut.
All right, Hogg. Your hat‘s not square...
and your stomach‘s too round...
and your boots aren't nearly as polished
as the top of your head.
-Well, that ain't my fault.
-No.
-Lulu forgot to polish them.
-That‘s, "Lulu forgot to polish them, sir."
Lulu forgot to polish them, sir.
Don't you snarl those fat little jowls.
Hazzard County Sheriffs department.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane speaking.
No matter how much you snivel or beg...
-I'm not going to lend you--
-Stee/e here.
-Who?
—lt's Steele.
-Yeah, what can I do for you?
-I'm gonna need pictures of General Lee.
From all four sides.
And I need those today.
Well, I can't get to it today,
I'm too busy counting my money.
You just go out and take some, Coltrane...
or you forget about
ever jailing them Duke boys.
Yeah? Do you know to whom you are--
Speaking? He just.... Annoying, I tell you.
All right, Hogg.
You're still supposed to be at attention.
-Yeah.
-Yeah. Get it over here.
All right. Suck in them stomachs...
and suck in them fat little jowls.
-Let go of me. Let go it.
-I can‘t, unless you say unsuck in.
All right, Hogg. For your first assignment...
you‘ll be going on a secret mission
with me out to the Duke farm.
Now, there's the door, so, charge!
Ain't you gonna say "right face"?
All right. Right face!
-Now, charge!
-That‘s better.
Lord, Uncle Jesse's been serving you
a long time...
and you know that better than we do.
But what we're asking...
and what we're praying for is that,
providing it works in with your plans...
that you'd see fit to leave him
a while longer...
with his friends and his family...
and those of us that love him so much
and need him so much. Amen.
Amen.
-All right, Hogg. You know what to do?
-Yeah, I know what to do.
-And you know how to do it?
-Yeah.
-I know how to do it.
-You‘re gonna break that.
-You want pictures of General Lee.
-Yes, from all sides.
I don't know why.
You know what it looks like.
-So do I, that orange clunker--
-Will you zip your lip?
Just hush. Yours is not to wonder why,
but just to hush and keep clicking.
Yeah. All your money sure ain't made you
any less stupid.
You sound like a baby hippo.
-Who the heck is that?
-We better find out.
Get in here. Can't you do anything right?
-lt‘s Rosco driving.
-Come on.
There ain't no way of slowing them down.
I guess the GeneraFs
just gonna have to do it for them, ain't it?
Hang on.
Friends and neighbors,
despite all that's happened...
this makes me feel that things
are beginning to get back to normal.
Hang on, cousin, I'm gonna break it down.
What a horrendous crash.
All right, Boss.
For openers, why don't you tell us
what you're doing in a deputy‘s uniform?
What am I doing? What do you think
I'm doing in the deputy‘s uniform?
I'll tell you what. ‘Cause it's out of
the sweetness of my heart...
I gave him a job
so he can feed my sister, Lulu...
before she starves to death.
Well, Rosco, that's really nice of you.
Now why don't you tell us what you're
doing hanging around our farm?
Around your....
We came over to offer
our condolences to Uncle Jesse...
seeing as how he's feeling puny.
What was so all-fired important
you had to take pictures of?
That orange clunker car of yours,
that's what.
-And I sure wish you‘d tell me why.
-Will you zip?
And freeze those fat little lips of yours.
Rosco, it seems you owe us
some sort of explanation.
We were taking pictures
of the General Lee...
so there would be a General Lee
wanted poster in the post office.
So you two back off...
or I'll arrest you for interfering
with an officer of the law in--
In dishonest pursuit of his duty, right?
-Dishonest pursuit of my duty.
-Come on, Bo.
Don't be putting words in my mouth.
Will you quit flipping that water on me?
You want to rust my rhinestones?
Hush! Don't you raise your voice to me.
Get in there.
Meanwhile, over at the hospital,
Jesse's condition was about the same.
Not too good.
And Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
was starting to have second thoughts...
about what he'd started.
You know, I like that in him.
Mr. Steele.
Mr. Steele, are you out there?
I wish you wouldn't go
cracking your knuckles like that.
You know, you give me
a quiver in my liver doing that.
You got the pictures?
The pictures? You bet I got them.
Right here they are.
In every different angle.
Mr. Steele, if you don‘t mind me asking...
what are you gonna do
with those pictures?
I'm gonna use these
to earn me that $100,000.
Good.
Listen, I wouldn't impose on you
to tell you your business...
but if you don't mind, l‘d sure appreciate
if nobody else got hurt.
Because you know, I really felt bad...
when Jesse Duke got hurt
and put in a hospital.
You know, the way you talk,
it sounds like you was on his side.
I ain't on anybody‘s side
that get my friends hurt...
even if they are enemies.
You hear me good, Coltrane.
You welsh on that payment...
and all your money is gonna buy you,
is the deepest grave in the South.
The deepest in the South?
You mean.
This is Jesse Duke's room, ain't it?
Hello, Daisy.
-Hi, Boss.
-How are you doing?
That's good.
Say, I brought these for Uncle Jesse.
I sure wish they were more better...
but I had to pick them off a bush
on the way over...
on account of
Rosco bought out the whole florist shop.
Yeah, I figured that when all these come.
But it ain't the flowers that are important,
it's that thought behind them.
My, oh, "IV-
You know, your Uncle Jesse and me
go back a long ways.
Nobody knows better than l.
He's a tough old goat.... Fellow.
I never thought something like this
would happen him.
I want you to know that none of us
are holding anything against you or Rosco.
-You ain't?
-No, why should we?
Maybe it'd be better if you did.
I mean, just think of all the times l....
I'm responsible for a little.
I mean, I'm paying
for something now, ain't I?
You just tell your Uncle Jesse
that I was here...
if....
I mean, when he comes out of this.
Sure, Boss, I'll do that.
If he comes out of it.
The doctor said, with a head injury
at Jesse's age...
nobody could tell what's gonna happen.
The boys were worried sick, of course.
But they still had to find Steele.
And they figured they could make him
come to them.
I don't see why
everybody is so afraid of you.
Seems to me you're just
a yellow-bellied coward.
Won't even come out and fight...
a couple of good old country boys
like me and Luke.
Taking so much coaxing for us
to get you to come out here and face us.
It seems to me you're just nothing
but a yellow-bellied coward.
lfyau’: any kind afman
you'd meet us at high naan...
in the town square down there.
You hear that, Jason? High noon.
Friends, there ain‘t
nothing subtle about that.
.meet us there at high naan.
Of course that is, if you ain‘t too chicken.
I'll give them this much.
They got plenty of guts.
I'm tired of them rubbing our noses in it.
You know, they ain't falling
for any of the old tricks.
They will.
Tomorrow morning, they'll be on their way
to the federal slammer.
-Unless I can get them today.
-Meaning?
Meaning, maybe if I was
to take their bait...
I just might cause them to make
the first mistake before tomorrow.
Come high noon at Hazzard Square...
the whole town was looking to see
if there was going to be a showdown.
E verybady knew
that the Dukes didn't carry guns.
But they were thinning out
because they figured old Steele did.
-No sign of him anywhere, Luke.
-Maybe he can't see us.
-Let‘s step out the curb.
-Right.
-Looks like he ain't gonna show.
-Wishful thinking, cousin.
He's still got a few seconds left.
I sure hope them boys
know what they're doing.
Well, I sure hope
there ain't gonna be no trouble.
Something on your mind, sodbusters?
You're dang right there is, mister.
Just how much is Rosco paying you
to put us in jail?
More than you could ever spend.
Do you realize we can file charges
against you for hit-and-run...
and for also hiding
that dang gun in our car?
Be my guest.
You know, you don't really think any
of those charges are gonna stick, do you?
That may be so.
But our Uncle Jesse got hurt
trying to find you.
If he don't make it, we'll be back.
You can count on that.
There's one more thing, too.
Before you go wasting anymore
of your precious time trying to catch us...
-let me just warn you that--
-No.
No, sonny, let me just warn you.
You see, I consider it my duty
to keep scum like you off the streets.
-Scum like rne? I'll show you who's scum--
-No!
Luke, come on, dang it.
He deserves a mouthful of my fist.
Anytime you think you're man enough
to try, sonny, come and get it.
I'm man enough.
How about right here and right now?
Bo, listen to me.
That‘s just what he wants you to do.
You take one swing at him...
Rosco will have us both in jail so fast
it'll make your head spin.
Fist fighting is only a misdemeanor.
Let me hit him.
Yeah, but assault and battery ain't.
I almost had you going for it, didn't I?
Next time, you won't be so lucky.
There will be a next time.
I'm gonna nail you with a felony charge
if it's the last thing I ever do.
Come on.
Mr. Steele.
Coltrane, what are you trying to do?
Let everybody in town know
I'm working for you?
No, see, nobody can see me
from the street.
-What is on your mind?
-The Duke boys.
Mr. Steele, you see, they're not really
as bad as they seem.
I mean, sometimes they're naughty...
but their Uncle Jesse's in the hospital,
and he's sick.
I thought, maybe we could postpone
sending them to prison a little while.
Right?
-Wrong.
-Wrong.
You see, you and me...
we made ourselves a deal.
And I can't go back on that deal
even if I want to.
-You know why?
-No.
Because I have my reputation to protect.
Reputation, well....
Right after Jason Steele came out
in the open...
his partner showed up at Center's...
far the beginning of Steele ‘s final plan
ta nail Ba and Luke.
How's it going?
What can I do for you?
I'll settle for a little information.
I'm looking for a couple of old friends.
-Who‘s that?
-Bo and Luke Duke.
Usually you can find them
under a cloud of dust somewhere, but...
right now, seeing as I'm working on
their cousin Daisy‘s Jeep...
they're probably running
her down to the Boars Nest.
Boars Nest, I know where i
Thanks a lot.
Sure thing. Take her easy.
Old Cooter don't miss too much
when it comes to cars.
And he wasn ‘t about ta miss a van
with bars an it.
Uncle Jesse, please wake up.
It's Bo, Luke, and Daisy, Uncle Jesse.
Would you wake up?
Baby, it ain't no use.
Dr. Cole said
if he regained consciousness...
it might not be for days.
Daisy, it doesn't make no difference
how long it takes, as long as he does.
Well, doctors don't come with guarantees,
I guess.
Come on, Daisy.
We'll give you a ride to work.
Come on, Bo.
-Think he'll be all right?
-Yeah, he'll be all right.
It just don't make any sense.
Nobody‘s seen hide nor hair
of that Steele fellow since yesterday.
Maybe we scared him, got him to run back
to hide in the woodwork or something.
Wishful thinking, Bo.
He'll be back, just like he said.
I just hope our luck holds out.
Breaker one. I might be crazy, but I ain't
dumb. Crazy Cooter coming at you.
Any of y‘all Dukes home
on the Hazzard net?
if you‘re listening, give me a call.
What's on your mind, honey?
A fellow came by looking for Bo and Luke.
Said he knew y'all.
About 6 feet tall...
curly head, dark hair, heavy-set,
y'all know him?
Don't ring a bell.
You might be able to place
the thing he was driving.
Kind of a van with bars on the back,
looked like a slammer on wheels.
Sorry, that makes it for sure
we ain't never heard of him or seen him.
You're gonna know him soon.
He's headed for the Boars Nest...
looking for y'all. You need any help,
just holler and I'm gone.
Thanks a lot for the information, Cooter.
-Thanks for the lift.
-Yeah.
Hey, fellows, why don't you come on in
and I'll buy you a beer?
Take your mind off Uncle Jesse
for a while.
Something better.
Yeah, it won't hurt to keep our spirits up.
It's him again.
Something tells me he wasn't nodding
to n0 lady friend, either.
-Here you are, fellows.
-Thanks, Daisy.
-Daisy, what is that?
-Rosco calls it beer...
but he's got it so watered down,
I'd say it's 10%: fizz and 90%: foam.
I wouldn't wash my socks in that.
I think somebody ought to clue Rosco in.
Between watering down the liquor
and doubling the prices...
-he‘s gonna make Boss look good.
-Yeah, thanks a lot for this...
-but you keep it.
-l‘ll put it on your tab.
-No, you can put it on yours.
-See you at home.
Okay .
Never thought the day would come
when I missed seeing Boss around.
I know what you mean.
Oh, dear.
-What you suppose they want this time?
-Let‘s not wait around and ask.
General seem like
it's running a little strange to you?
Running like you tuned him instead of me,
only on seven cylinders.
Look out.
Well, they ain‘t going over it,
and I hope they ain't going through it.
Now, what did that leave?
-That was close.
-We ain't out of the woods yet.
Move.
Perfect time for the General to overheat.
Can you believe it?
Right back where we started.
All right, you Dukes.
Now, I'm sorry about your Uncle Jesse
being in the hospital...
but I've been waiting a long time for this,
and I got you.
YOU are under arrest.
What sort of trumped-up charge
you come up with this time, Rosco?
Grand theft auto.
Unless he wants to drop the charges.
-He doesn't want to drop them.
-Just what auto did we grand theft?
-This auto.
-This one.
You guys must have been sipping
that watered-down liquor inside.
Everybody in Hazzard County
knows this is our General Lee.
This ain't no General Lee,
just some old clunker I had painted up.
Your doors are welded shut, aren't they?
Well, try these doors.
Rosco, what are you talking about?
We know that--
See there. Good.
That explains that little photo-taking trip
you guys took out to the farm then.
Also explains why
the General‘s running so bad.
It's all part of the plan, boys.
You see, this is my car...
and you boys tried to drive away in it.
And that adds up to grand theft auto.
Which is a naughty-naughty, see?
As soon as I get the paperwork done,
I'm gonna pull you up to Atlanta...
and put you in the slammer for good.
All right, Cletus, cuff them and stuff them.
I love this.
This sure ain‘t a very good day
for the Dukes.
Uncle Jesse's about the same...
and the bays ' luck is turning bad
faster than sour cider.
l sure hate to see
old Uncle Jesse like that.
All right, you Duke jailbirds.
Don't get too comfy in there,
‘cause you ain't gonna be there that long.
You're forgetting something.
You do owe us a phone call.
We gotta call the hospital,
make sure Uncle Jesse's all right.
You all hush, I'll take care of that.
Just as soon as I know
the Van's here to pick you up.
I'm just as concerned about Jesse
as you are.
Would you look at them in there?
Hogg, don‘t you go gouging me
with that mop handle.
That's for swabbing, not for leaning.
Now, move it, blubber belly.
Blubber belly, I like it.
I'm sorry to see y'all in here. Again.
Thanks for the thought, Cletus.
We ain't too thrilled about it ourselves.
Hey, Boss, what about you?
What you gonna do for fun
once we're sent up the river?
Listen, boys, in my present condition
I wouldn't mind seeing you on the loose.
That way you could teach Rosco a lesson.
You can take that new-rich, stuck-up
upstart and upset his apple cart.
I mean, he‘s called me...
dipstick, cow chip, or meadow muffin
11 times today.
Not knowing what happened
with the boys and the two General Lees...
Daisy and Canter was a mite confused.
Say, Cooker, this don't make any sense.
Boys gotta be somewhere around here.
They wouldn't leave the General Lee
just sitting here like this.
It sure don't smell right around here.
Maybe they ran into that guy
who said he was a friend of theirs.
If he was a friend,
they would‘ve brought him in to meet me.
That's right.
I'll be darned. Daisy, look yonder.
Something sure ain't feeling right here.
There's only one way to find out
which one is the real McCoy.
Perfect stranger.
Daisy, look here. I want to make sure...
the General‘s running right
and go find the boys.
And go on up the hospital, hitch a ride,
take care of Uncle Jesse.
-Cooter.
-Don‘t you worry about a thing, now.
Them boys can take care of themselves,
and Uncle Jesse is a tough old cookie.
-l‘ll see you later, all right?
-Okay.
Chow time, come and get it.
I'm coming.
Okay, here we go, boys. Dig in.
-Put some groceries down your neck.
-Cletus, you're quite a magician...
but I don't see how you gonna get them
trays in here through the bars.
I don't know,
two straws and a blender?
Why don't you just unlock the door
and bring it in here?
Yeah, okay.
-Here, I'll help you.
-All right, here you go.
-That‘s this one, the big one here, ain't it?
-That‘s it.
Yeah, we seen that one enough, huh?
-Yeah, just set them down on the bench.
-Yeah, that's it. Don't spill that soda.
We wouldn't want it to spray all over us.
Yeah, Cletus, go ahead.
Don't wait for us, now.
They did it again.
Wait. Hey, fellows, wait a minute.
Ain't you hungry?
Wait a minute, come back here.
Help!
Come on back here, will you?
They're getting away.
Get back here, come back in!
You boys wanna get in the van, please?
Will you get off of me?
Will you quit horsing around?
-Where are they going?
-I don't--
Whose truck is that?
-Don‘t just stand there.
-I'm lucky I'm standing at all...
-with this thing around my foot.
-Get them.
Now we know what them bars are for.
Next stop, Atlanta jail.
Grand theft auto.
You little.... You know something?
I ought to fire you.
I'm your superior officer,
and you let them vanish.
Sheriff Coltrane.
Mr. Reynolds, did you bring me
the rest of the $10 million?
-Not exactly.
-Not exactly.
About your inheritance, it seems that
our computer made a terrible mistake.
-A mistake?
-A mistake.
You mean to tell me
I'm not related to Uncle Harrison?
He's Uncle Hosiah.
And you definitely are related to him.
Then, you mean,
I get the rest of the money?
-Let me put it this way.
-Okay.
Our computer printed
the decimal point in the wrong place.
In the wrong place.
And what you inherited,
was not $10 million...
but $10.
$10? He inherited $10?
You mean, that's it?
I mean, that's the whole hush puppy?
-I'm sorry.
-Well, I'm not.
Here, give me that. That $10 is mine.
-And, you know what else?
-No.
If you were playing with money
that wasn't yours in the first place...
-that poker game we played wasn't legal.
-Illegal?
Yeah, and the second place,
you gotta give back everything you won.
-So put it in here.
-Also the $50,000 that I advanced to you.
-Yeah, give it to him.
-You know what?
-lt‘s good news.
-It is?
You know why?
Because if I don't really get that money...
that means that I can't pay
that Jason Steele...
and he has to let the Duke boys go.
What's important is,
that I get back there...
and catch him before
he takes the Duke boys to Atlanta.
Do what you want.
Just give me the money!
Doggonit, I can't take this one,
I don't own it anymore.
I ain't gonna like poverty.
-How‘s he doing, Doctor?
-Daisy...
that uncle of yours
has got more lives than a cat...
-and the constitution of a Missouri mule.
-Is he getting better?
What do you mean "getting better?"
Uncle Jesse.
I am better.
Try the right leg. Get down there.
When I tell you, give me some room,
all right?
Give me what you got, okay? Ready?
Go.
That's all you got?
Didn't give an inch. At this rate,
we're gonna be in here all clay.
Cletus, this is your superior officer,
Rosco P. Coltrane speaking.
Ha ve you got your ears on? Come on.
This herds Deputy Cletus Hawke,
your county manny.
What can I do for you, Sheriff?
Listen, Cletus, some terrible people
got Bo and Luke in a big van...
that looks like a rolling prison.
Now, I want you to head them off
at Moose Creek.
-You got that? Go on.
-What creek was that?
Can you repeat that location, Sheriff?
Moose Creek, you dipstick.
as in "moose"...
"O" as in "moose," "O" as in "moose,"
"S" as in "moose," "E" as in "moose."
-He must mean Moose Creek.
—Yau got that?
Seeing the prison van
didn't travel very fast...
it didn't take long
far H0500 ta catch up with if.
Of course, catching and stopping
ain't the same thing.
First time I ever thought
I'd be happy to hear a siren.
Still, you gotta consider it‘s either gotta
be Rosco, Boss, or Cletus.
It's like Russian roulette.
Let's see what they're gonna do.
-We better keep at this.
-All right.
lt‘s probably the Sheriff.
Do you want me to pull over?
Not till we get to Atlanta.
It'll give him a lot less chance
to welsh on that $100,000 he owes us.
Those two ain‘t
gonna play hard to get with me.
Just hold it right there, everybody.
You let him up, blondie.
That's using your heads, country boys...
‘cause you're worth $100,000 to ma.
Excuse me, Mr. Steele, not exactly.
See, they were, but now they aren't,
and I mean--
-Coltrane.
-What?
I told you what I was gonna do
if you tried to welsh on that payment.
Yes, but see, I'm not welshing, exactly.
It's not my fault, see, my inheritance
done dwindled down considerably.
I mean it's gone from $10 million to $10.
I don't think I can make that payment.
-Don‘t you be so sure.
-No.
-Dawson, put them in that patrol car.
-Just put them in that patrol car.
-We‘ll just cuff them.... Listen--
-You...
-get in that van.
-In that one?
Listen--
I want to see
if your hide is worth $100,000.
Mine?
Hand me those keys in there.
-Give me the CB.
-All right.
In case you boys have any ideas...
of hotwiring this car and following us....
Hurry up, Dawson. Let's go.
What are we going to do now?
It doesn't appear we got a whole lot of
choice. Let's do some hitchhiking.
-Coltrane.
-Yes.
Start earning your money.
Get Boss Hogg on that CB.
I don't think it's gonna do much good,
you know.
Boss Hogg, he don‘t care much for me
right at this moment.
You'd better get him to change his mind.
‘Cause if he don't, you're not gonna
be able to talk to anybody. Now, get him.
I got a theory about this.
You see, so many things go wrong
all the time in Hazzard, that...
when the things break right,
they really break right.
How y'all doing? Thought you might
need this old boy back here.
-Dang right.
-Let him down, would you?
I'll get the other side.
-Let him down.
-What‘s up, y'all?
Looks like Rosco‘s inheritance
didn't pan out...
so he can't pay that bounty hunter
what he promised him.
They kind of kidnapped old Rosco
and took him off in that brown van.
At least now we got the General,
so we can chase him.
Tell you what, I'll keep an eye out, too,
and I'll holler on the CB if I see him.
-Thanks a lot, Cooter.
-Let‘s hit it, Bo.
-Good luck, y'all.
-You got it.
We'll need it.
Thanks, Cooker!
Boss, this is Rosco.
Come in, please.
Boss, this is Rosco. Listen, come in.
I don't think he's listening.
-Try it again.
-I'm trying it again, right here.
Boss, please, little fat buddy...
come on in, this is Rosco. P. Coltrane.
Bass, came in,
because you gotta 5a ve my skin.
Hello.
This is Jefferson Davis Hogg talking...
at one time, the proud possessor...
of one of the greatest personal fortunes
in these parts...
and still am.
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
-lt‘s Rosco, Boss.
-Rosco?
Yeah, your old friend, Rosco.
-Rosco who?
-Rosco P. Coltrane.
Oh, that Rosco.
Listen, Boss, listen...
I wanna ask you
a little itsy-bitsy favor here.
I'm wondering,
if you could loan me a measly $100,000."
to save my skin?
He's laughing, that's good news.
He's just laughing too long,
that's bad news.
-That‘s rich. That's a good one.
-Now, he's hysterical.
-He ain't gonna do it.
-My, you sure are funny.
On account of your skin ain't worth $100...
much less a $100,000.
-Well, some people think so.
-I ain't giving you one red cent.
Looks like he ain't gonna do it, Mr. Steele.
If you don't mind, would you...
let me have just a little time
to make out my will?
Mr. Coltrane, you want a pencil?
"l hereby leave...
"all my worldly possessions...
"to "W"-
"long-eared and loyal friend...
"Flash.
"Except for things...
"that Mama wants."
While Rosco was writing out
his last will and testament...
the bays and General Lee were doing
their dangdest ta keep him alive.
All right, get as close as you can.
Keep her steady.
-Pull up.
-All right, careful, now.
Come on, ease it up, now.
Keep it steady.
All right.
I can't see anything. Get him off of there.
Can't see, Steele.
-Shoot him, Steele.
-Bulletproof.
Then go get him from the outside.
Stop this thing.
-You all right?
-I think so.
That was Steele's last bounty, ‘cause
he was guilty of kidnapping the sheriff.
Bass and fiasco made up.
-You weren't making up that story?
-Heck, no.
-You weren't pulling my leg.
-No.
-You were in real danger.
-Are you kidding?
He was ready to blow rne out
between my ears.
-Where were you?
-Do tell.
-Yeah.
-If I'd have known that...
I'd have loaned you every penny I got,
or ever hope to have.
-I knew you was my little fat buddy.
-My old friend.
Little fat buddy, while we‘re friends,
could you loan me a 10 spot till payday?
-What? Loan you?
-Yeah.
-Are you in any real danger?
-No.
See some other sucker.
-Ready?
-Wait. Wait, just a minute.
All right.
The best part was,
Uncle Jesse was back on his feet.
fiasco did give Ba and Luke
a ticket far speeding...
when they were trying to save his life.
Sure looks like things are about
back to normal in Hazzard County, huh?
English
What's it like being the richest man
in Hazzard County?
-lt‘s good news.
-But he ain't.
I'm the richest man in Hazzard County.
I always have been and I always will be!
-A Rolls Royce...
-That‘s it.
-...turned into a sheriffs patrol car?
-lsn‘t it a doozy?
What kind of a nincompoop
would do this to a Rolls?
A very rich nincompoop, actually.
-Little sniveling, little, fat little pipsqueak.
-Who are you talking about?
"rs You, H099
-|VI e? I?
You got nerve talking about me like that.
The most important man
in Hazzard County.
You were the most important man
in Hazzard County.
You ain't no more. I am.
I'm challenging you,
here and now, to a duel with cards.
Since we both bet
everything in the world we own...
-I got a pair of kings.
-I got an ace.
-I got nothing.
-I won it.
I made the richest man in Hazzard County
the poorest in the state.
Now, Rosco had everything.
Well, almost everything.
The Dukes are still running free.
Mr. Jason Steele.
I want you to capture
a couple of desperate criminals...
by the name of Bo and Luke Duke.
Well, Mr. Coltrane,
that will cost you twice the going rate.
Roscds used his inheritance money
to hire a private detective...
to run you guys right into prison.
A fellow by the name of Steele.
I don't know him, but I know of him.
One mean fellow.
If you ever even think
about welshing on that payment....
I wouldn't think-- Welshing!
John Law from you know who.
You're ready to go fishing?
lfl can find me a couple of suckers
worth catching.
We're at the County line.
Just a couple of feet,
we'd have been across the County line.
The Dukes must have knocked
on about every door in Hazzard...
hoping to come up with somebody
who could put them onto Jason Steele.
But it's like chasing a ghost.
-Uncle Jesse, where are you going?
-I'm going down by the swamp.
lfl was on the larn,
that's where I'd be hiding out.
Breaker. Uncle Jesse, this is crazy Cooter
coming at you. What's your 20, come on.
Is he gonna be all right, Doc?
I can't say. A comatose state at his age....
I'm afraid it's out of our hands now.
Dr. Brent, please cell the operator.
-You got any idea what happened?
-No.
No. He was like that when I found him.
I can't figure out what he was doing
in that part of the county.
It's my fault. lfl wouldn't have given him
that picture of Steele...
he wouldn't have stormed out
looking for him.
Don't blame yourself.
He was trying to help us.
It ain't y‘all‘s fault. If it's anybody‘s fault,
it's this lizard here.
We ain't forgetting that, Cooter.
It's just one more reason
we got to catch this sucker.
Maybe it ain't as bad as it seems.
Old Jesse, now, he's a tough old goat.
Well, I'll say a prayer for him, too.
I appreciate you calling, thank you.
Dang their luck, anyway.
-Who is it?
-J.D. Hogg.
-Which Hogg is that?
-Rosco, it‘s me.
Well, come on in here.
What are you interrupting
my coffee break for, anyway?
Look at this.
You and that hound of yours,
both eating yourselves silly...
off of what used to be
my silver doodads and geegaws.
They're my silver doodads
and geegaws now.
What are you doing in here
without an appointment, anyway?
-Well, there's a terrible emergency.
-Emergency'? What emergency?
-My wife, your sister, Lulu.
-What‘s wrong with Lulu?
-Her mouth.
-What‘s wrong with her mouth?
She's hungry.
You know what it costs
to feed that sister of yours?
Why do you think Mama and I
let you marry her in the first place?
With your having wiped me out,
leaving me flat broke...
I sure ain't got the wherewithal
to keep your sister filled up...
in the style to which
she has long become accustomed.
-I sure could use a nibble myself.
-Get your hands....
-See what you do.
-Look, Rosco...
as your dearest friend and brother-in-law...
and as your sister's provider
and protector, I'm asking you....
No, I'm not.
I'm getting down on my knees
and I'm begging you...
to settle a little itty-bitty pension on us...
-for the rest of our born days.
-Get your pea-picking hands off them peas.
Are you kidding me, Hogg?
Me, support you for the rest of my life?
I'll tell you one thing. I wouldn't give you
a red, white, or blue cent.
-Why don‘t you get a job?
-Job?
-Instead of relying on us idle rich.
-Yeah.
Maybe I could take a job
that was part-time...
not too hard
and gave me a cut of the take.
No, that's my job.
But you know something?
I could use myself another deputy dipstick.
Me?
Be your deputy?
-Well, after all that--
-Zip.
-You and l.... You were my....
-Zip.
Just hush!
You could have the job
if you call me "sir"...
and if you grovel once in a while...
and if we can get that
fat little carcass of yours in a uniform.
All right, Hogg. How about it?
Take it or leave it.
I'll take it.
He took it. He just....
Back at the city hall,
there's another first for Hazzard County.
Atten-hut.
All right, Hogg. Your hat‘s not square...
and your stomach‘s too round...
and your boots aren't nearly as polished
as the top of your head.
-Well, that ain't my fault.
-No.
-Lulu forgot to polish them.
-That‘s, "Lulu forgot to polish them, sir."
Lulu forgot to polish them, sir.
Don't you snarl those fat little jowls.
Hazzard County Sheriffs department.
Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane speaking.
No matter how much you snivel or beg...
-I'm not going to lend you--
-Stee/e here.
-Who?
—lt's Steele.
-Yeah, what can I do for you?
-I'm gonna need pictures of General Lee.
From all four sides.
And I need those today.
Well, I can't get to it today,
I'm too busy counting my money.
You just go out and take some, Coltrane...
or you forget about
ever jailing them Duke boys.
Yeah? Do you know to whom you are--
Speaking? He just.... Annoying, I tell you.
All right, Hogg.
You're still supposed to be at attention.
-Yeah.
-Yeah. Get it over here.
All right. Suck in them stomachs...
and suck in them fat little jowls.
-Let go of me. Let go it.
-I can‘t, unless you say unsuck in.
All right, Hogg. For your first assignment...
you‘ll be going on a secret mission
with me out to the Duke farm.
Now, there's the door, so, charge!
Ain't you gonna say "right face"?
All right. Right face!
-Now, charge!
-That‘s better.
Lord, Uncle Jesse's been serving you
a long time...
and you know that better than we do.
But what we're asking...
and what we're praying for is that,
providing it works in with your plans...
that you'd see fit to leave him
a while longer...
with his friends and his family...
and those of us that love him so much
and need him so much. Amen.
Amen.
-All right, Hogg. You know what to do?
-Yeah, I know what to do.
-And you know how to do it?
-Yeah.
-I know how to do it.
-You‘re gonna break that.
-You want pictures of General Lee.
-Yes, from all sides.
I don't know why.
You know what it looks like.
-So do I, that orange clunker--
-Will you zip your lip?
Just hush. Yours is not to wonder why,
but just to hush and keep clicking.
Yeah. All your money sure ain't made you
any less stupid.
You sound like a baby hippo.
-Who the heck is that?
-We better find out.
Get in here. Can't you do anything right?
-lt‘s Rosco driving.
-Come on.
There ain't no way of slowing them down.
I guess the GeneraFs
just gonna have to do it for them, ain't it?
Hang on.
Friends and neighbors,
despite all that's happened...
this makes me feel that things
are beginning to get back to normal.
Hang on, cousin, I'm gonna break it down.
What a horrendous crash.
All right, Boss.
For openers, why don't you tell us
what you're doing in a deputy‘s uniform?
What am I doing? What do you think
I'm doing in the deputy‘s uniform?
I'll tell you what. ‘Cause it's out of
the sweetness of my heart...
I gave him a job
so he can feed my sister, Lulu...
before she starves to death.
Well, Rosco, that's really nice of you.
Now why don't you tell us what you're
doing hanging around our farm?
Around your....
We came over to offer
our condolences to Uncle Jesse...
seeing as how he's feeling puny.
What was so all-fired important
you had to take pictures of?
That orange clunker car of yours,
that's what.
-And I sure wish you‘d tell me why.
-Will you zip?
And freeze those fat little lips of yours.
Rosco, it seems you owe us
some sort of explanation.
We were taking pictures
of the General Lee...
so there would be a General Lee
wanted poster in the post office.
So you two back off...
or I'll arrest you for interfering
with an officer of the law in--
In dishonest pursuit of his duty, right?
-Dishonest pursuit of my duty.
-Come on, Bo.
Don't be putting words in my mouth.
Will you quit flipping that water on me?
You want to rust my rhinestones?
Hush! Don't you raise your voice to me.
Get in there.
Meanwhile, over at the hospital,
Jesse's condition was about the same.
Not too good.
And Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane
was starting to have second thoughts...
about what he'd started.
You know, I like that in him.
Mr. Steele.
Mr. Steele, are you out there?
I wish you wouldn't go
cracking your knuckles like that.
You know, you give me
a quiver in my liver doing that.
You got the pictures?
The pictures? You bet I got them.
Right here they are.
In every different angle.
Mr. Steele, if you don‘t mind me asking...
what are you gonna do
with those pictures?
I'm gonna use these
to earn me that $100,000.
Good.
Listen, I wouldn't impose on you
to tell you your business...
but if you don't mind, l‘d sure appreciate
if nobody else got hurt.
Because you know, I really felt bad...
when Jesse Duke got hurt
and put in a hospital.
You know, the way you talk,
it sounds like you was on his side.
I ain't on anybody‘s side
that get my friends hurt...
even if they are enemies.
You hear me good, Coltrane.
You welsh on that payment...
and all your money is gonna buy you,
is the deepest grave in the South.
The deepest in the South?
You mean.
This is Jesse Duke's room, ain't it?
Hello, Daisy.
-Hi, Boss.
-How are you doing?
That's good.
Say, I brought these for Uncle Jesse.
I sure wish they were more better...
but I had to pick them off a bush
on the way over...
on account of
Rosco bought out the whole florist shop.
Yeah, I figured that when all these come.
But it ain't the flowers that are important,
it's that thought behind them.
My, oh, "IV-
You know, your Uncle Jesse and me
go back a long ways.
Nobody knows better than l.
He's a tough old goat.... Fellow.
I never thought something like this
would happen him.
I want you to know that none of us
are holding anything against you or Rosco.
-You ain't?
-No, why should we?
Maybe it'd be better if you did.
I mean, just think of all the times l....
I'm responsible for a little.
I mean, I'm paying
for something now, ain't I?
You just tell your Uncle Jesse
that I was here...
if....
I mean, when he comes out of this.
Sure, Boss, I'll do that.
If he comes out of it.
The doctor said, with a head injury
at Jesse's age...
nobody could tell what's gonna happen.
The boys were worried sick, of course.
But they still had to find Steele.
And they figured they could make him
come to them.
I don't see why
everybody is so afraid of you.
Seems to me you're just
a yellow-bellied coward.
Won't even come out and fight...
a couple of good old country boys
like me and Luke.
Taking so much coaxing for us
to get you to come out here and face us.
It seems to me you're just nothing
but a yellow-bellied coward.
lfyau’: any kind afman
you'd meet us at high naan...
in the town square down there.
You hear that, Jason? High noon.
Friends, there ain‘t
nothing subtle about that.
.meet us there at high naan.
Of course that is, if you ain‘t too chicken.
I'll give them this much.
They got plenty of guts.
I'm tired of them rubbing our noses in it.
You know, they ain't falling
for any of the old tricks.
They will.
Tomorrow morning, they'll be on their way
to the federal slammer.
-Unless I can get them today.
-Meaning?
Meaning, maybe if I was
to take their bait...
I just might cause them to make
the first mistake before tomorrow.
Come high noon at Hazzard Square...
the whole town was looking to see
if there was going to be a showdown.
E verybady knew
that the Dukes didn't carry guns.
But they were thinning out
because they figured old Steele did.
-No sign of him anywhere, Luke.
-Maybe he can't see us.
-Let‘s step out the curb.
-Right.
-Looks like he ain't gonna show.
-Wishful thinking, cousin.
He's still got a few seconds left.
I sure hope them boys
know what they're doing.
Well, I sure hope
there ain't gonna be no trouble.
Something on your mind, sodbusters?
You're dang right there is, mister.
Just how much is Rosco paying you
to put us in jail?
More than you could ever spend.
Do you realize we can file charges
against you for hit-and-run...
and for also hiding
that dang gun in our car?
Be my guest.
You know, you don't really think any
of those charges are gonna stick, do you?
That may be so.
But our Uncle Jesse got hurt
trying to find you.
If he don't make it, we'll be back.
You can count on that.
There's one more thing, too.
Before you go wasting anymore
of your precious time trying to catch us...
-let me just warn you that--
-No.
No, sonny, let me just warn you.
You see, I consider it my duty
to keep scum like you off the streets.
-Scum like rne? I'll show you who's scum--
-No!
Luke, come on, dang it.
He deserves a mouthful of my fist.
Anytime you think you're man enough
to try, sonny, come and get it.
I'm man enough.
How about right here and right now?
Bo, listen to me.
That‘s just what he wants you to do.
You take one swing at him...
Rosco will have us both in jail so fast
it'll make your head spin.
Fist fighting is only a misdemeanor.
Let me hit him.
Yeah, but assault and battery ain't.
I almost had you going for it, didn't I?
Next time, you won't be so lucky.
There will be a next time.
I'm gonna nail you with a felony charge
if it's the last thing I ever do.
Come on.
Mr. Steele.
Coltrane, what are you trying to do?
Let everybody in town know
I'm working for you?
No, see, nobody can see me
from the street.
-What is on your mind?
-The Duke boys.
Mr. Steele, you see, they're not really
as bad as they seem.
I mean, sometimes they're naughty...
but their Uncle Jesse's in the hospital,
and he's sick.
I thought, maybe we could postpone
sending them to prison a little while.
Right?
-Wrong.
-Wrong.
You see, you and me...
we made ourselves a deal.
And I can't go back on that deal
even if I want to.
-You know why?
-No.
Because I have my reputation to protect.
Reputation, well....
Right after Jason Steele came out
in the open...
his partner showed up at Center's...
far the beginning of Steele ‘s final plan
ta nail Ba and Luke.
How's it going?
What can I do for you?
I'll settle for a little information.
I'm looking for a couple of old friends.
-Who‘s that?
-Bo and Luke Duke.
Usually you can find them
under a cloud of dust somewhere, but...
right now, seeing as I'm working on
their cousin Daisy‘s Jeep...
they're probably running
her down to the Boars Nest.
Boars Nest, I know where i
Thanks a lot.
Sure thing. Take her easy.
Old Cooter don't miss too much
when it comes to cars.
And he wasn ‘t about ta miss a van
with bars an it.
Uncle Jesse, please wake up.
It's Bo, Luke, and Daisy, Uncle Jesse.
Would you wake up?
Baby, it ain't no use.
Dr. Cole said
if he regained consciousness...
it might not be for days.
Daisy, it doesn't make no difference
how long it takes, as long as he does.
Well, doctors don't come with guarantees,
I guess.
Come on, Daisy.
We'll give you a ride to work.
Come on, Bo.
-Think he'll be all right?
-Yeah, he'll be all right.
It just don't make any sense.
Nobody‘s seen hide nor hair
of that Steele fellow since yesterday.
Maybe we scared him, got him to run back
to hide in the woodwork or something.
Wishful thinking, Bo.
He'll be back, just like he said.
I just hope our luck holds out.
Breaker one. I might be crazy, but I ain't
dumb. Crazy Cooter coming at you.
Any of y‘all Dukes home
on the Hazzard net?
if you‘re listening, give me a call.
What's on your mind, honey?
A fellow came by looking for Bo and Luke.
Said he knew y'all.
About 6 feet tall...
curly head, dark hair, heavy-set,
y'all know him?
Don't ring a bell.
You might be able to place
the thing he was driving.
Kind of a van with bars on the back,
looked like a slammer on wheels.
Sorry, that makes it for sure
we ain't never heard of him or seen him.
You're gonna know him soon.
He's headed for the Boars Nest...
looking for y'all. You need any help,
just holler and I'm gone.
Thanks a lot for the information, Cooter.
-Thanks for the lift.
-Yeah.
Hey, fellows, why don't you come on in
and I'll buy you a beer?
Take your mind off Uncle Jesse
for a while.
Something better.
Yeah, it won't hurt to keep our spirits up.
It's him again.
Something tells me he wasn't nodding
to n0 lady friend, either.
-Here you are, fellows.
-Thanks, Daisy.
-Daisy, what is that?
-Rosco calls it beer...
but he's got it so watered down,
I'd say it's 10%: fizz and 90%: foam.
I wouldn't wash my socks in that.
I think somebody ought to clue Rosco in.
Between watering down the liquor
and doubling the prices...
-he‘s gonna make Boss look good.
-Yeah, thanks a lot for this...
-but you keep it.
-l‘ll put it on your tab.
-No, you can put it on yours.
-See you at home.
Okay .
Never thought the day would come
when I missed seeing Boss around.
I know what you mean.
Oh, dear.
-What you suppose they want this time?
-Let‘s not wait around and ask.
General seem like
it's running a little strange to you?
Running like you tuned him instead of me,
only on seven cylinders.
Look out.
Well, they ain‘t going over it,
and I hope they ain't going through it.
Now, what did that leave?
-That was close.
-We ain't out of the woods yet.
Move.
Perfect time for the General to overheat.
Can you believe it?
Right back where we started.
All right, you Dukes.
Now, I'm sorry about your Uncle Jesse
being in the hospital...
but I've been waiting a long time for this,
and I got you.
YOU are under arrest.
What sort of trumped-up charge
you come up with this time, Rosco?
Grand theft auto.
Unless he wants to drop the charges.
-He doesn't want to drop them.
-Just what auto did we grand theft?
-This auto.
-This one.
You guys must have been sipping
that watered-down liquor inside.
Everybody in Hazzard County
knows this is our General Lee.
This ain't no General Lee,
just some old clunker I had painted up.
Your doors are welded shut, aren't they?
Well, try these doors.
Rosco, what are you talking about?
We know that--
See there. Good.
That explains that little photo-taking trip
you guys took out to the farm then.
Also explains why
the General‘s running so bad.
It's all part of the plan, boys.
You see, this is my car...
and you boys tried to drive away in it.
And that adds up to grand theft auto.
Which is a naughty-naughty, see?
As soon as I get the paperwork done,
I'm gonna pull you up to Atlanta...
and put you in the slammer for good.
All right, Cletus, cuff them and stuff them.
I love this.
This sure ain‘t a very good day
for the Dukes.
Uncle Jesse's about the same...
and the bays ' luck is turning bad
faster than sour cider.
l sure hate to see
old Uncle Jesse like that.
All right, you Duke jailbirds.
Don't get too comfy in there,
‘cause you ain't gonna be there that long.
You're forgetting something.
You do owe us a phone call.
We gotta call the hospital,
make sure Uncle Jesse's all right.
You all hush, I'll take care of that.
Just as soon as I know
the Van's here to pick you up.
I'm just as concerned about Jesse
as you are.
Would you look at them in there?
Hogg, don‘t you go gouging me
with that mop handle.
That's for swabbing, not for leaning.
Now, move it, blubber belly.
Blubber belly, I like it.
I'm sorry to see y'all in here. Again.
Thanks for the thought, Cletus.
We ain't too thrilled about it ourselves.
Hey, Boss, what about you?
What you gonna do for fun
once we're sent up the river?
Listen, boys, in my present condition
I wouldn't mind seeing you on the loose.
That way you could teach Rosco a lesson.
You can take that new-rich, stuck-up
upstart and upset his apple cart.
I mean, he‘s called me...
dipstick, cow chip, or meadow muffin
11 times today.
Not knowing what happened
with the boys and the two General Lees...
Daisy and Canter was a mite confused.
Say, Cooker, this don't make any sense.
Boys gotta be somewhere around here.
They wouldn't leave the General Lee
just sitting here like this.
It sure don't smell right around here.
Maybe they ran into that guy
who said he was a friend of theirs.
If he was a friend,
they would‘ve brought him in to meet me.
That's right.
I'll be darned. Daisy, look yonder.
Something sure ain't feeling right here.
There's only one way to find out
which one is the real McCoy.
Perfect stranger.
Daisy, look here. I want to make sure...
the General‘s running right
and go find the boys.
And go on up the hospital, hitch a ride,
take care of Uncle Jesse.
-Cooter.
-Don‘t you worry about a thing, now.
Them boys can take care of themselves,
and Uncle Jesse is a tough old cookie.
-l‘ll see you later, all right?
-Okay.
Chow time, come and get it.
I'm coming.
Okay, here we go, boys. Dig in.
-Put some groceries down your neck.
-Cletus, you're quite a magician...
but I don't see how you gonna get them
trays in here through the bars.
I don't know,
two straws and a blender?
Why don't you just unlock the door
and bring it in here?
Yeah, okay.
-Here, I'll help you.
-All right, here you go.
-That‘s this one, the big one here, ain't it?
-That‘s it.
Yeah, we seen that one enough, huh?
-Yeah, just set them down on the bench.
-Yeah, that's it. Don't spill that soda.
We wouldn't want it to spray all over us.
Yeah, Cletus, go ahead.
Don't wait for us, now.
They did it again.
Wait. Hey, fellows, wait a minute.
Ain't you hungry?
Wait a minute, come back here.
Help!
Come on back here, will you?
They're getting away.
Get back here, come back in!
You boys wanna get in the van, please?
Will you get off of me?
Will you quit horsing around?
-Where are they going?
-I don't--
Whose truck is that?
-Don‘t just stand there.
-I'm lucky I'm standing at all...
-with this thing around my foot.
-Get them.
Now we know what them bars are for.
Next stop, Atlanta jail.
Grand theft auto.
You little.... You know something?
I ought to fire you.
I'm your superior officer,
and you let them vanish.
Sheriff Coltrane.
Mr. Reynolds, did you bring me
the rest of the $10 million?
-Not exactly.
-Not exactly.
About your inheritance, it seems that
our computer made a terrible mistake.
-A mistake?
-A mistake.
You mean to tell me
I'm not related to Uncle Harrison?
He's Uncle Hosiah.
And you definitely are related to him.
Then, you mean,
I get the rest of the money?
-Let me put it this way.
-Okay.
Our computer printed
the decimal point in the wrong place.
In the wrong place.
And what you inherited,
was not $10 million...
but $10.
$10? He inherited $10?
You mean, that's it?
I mean, that's the whole hush puppy?
-I'm sorry.
-Well, I'm not.
Here, give me that. That $10 is mine.
-And, you know what else?
-No.
If you were playing with money
that wasn't yours in the first place...
-that poker game we played wasn't legal.
-Illegal?
Yeah, and the second place,
you gotta give back everything you won.
-So put it in here.
-Also the $50,000 that I advanced to you.
-Yeah, give it to him.
-You know what?
-lt‘s good news.
-It is?
You know why?
Because if I don't really get that money...
that means that I can't pay
that Jason Steele...
and he has to let the Duke boys go.
What's important is,
that I get back there...
and catch him before
he takes the Duke boys to Atlanta.
Do what you want.
Just give me the money!
Doggonit, I can't take this one,
I don't own it anymore.
I ain't gonna like poverty.
-How‘s he doing, Doctor?
-Daisy...
that uncle of yours
has got more lives than a cat...
-and the constitution of a Missouri mule.
-Is he getting better?
What do you mean "getting better?"
Uncle Jesse.
I am better.
Try the right leg. Get down there.
When I tell you, give me some room,
all right?
Give me what you got, okay? Ready?
Go.
That's all you got?
Didn't give an inch. At this rate,
we're gonna be in here all clay.
Cletus, this is your superior officer,
Rosco P. Coltrane speaking.
Ha ve you got your ears on? Come on.
This herds Deputy Cletus Hawke,
your county manny.
What can I do for you, Sheriff?
Listen, Cletus, some terrible people
got Bo and Luke in a big van...
that looks like a rolling prison.
Now, I want you to head them off
at Moose Creek.
-You got that? Go on.
-What creek was that?
Can you repeat that location, Sheriff?
Moose Creek, you dipstick.
as in "moose"...
"O" as in "moose," "O" as in "moose,"
"S" as in "moose," "E" as in "moose."
-He must mean Moose Creek.
—Yau got that?
Seeing the prison van
didn't travel very fast...
it didn't take long
far H0500 ta catch up with if.
Of course, catching and stopping
ain't the same thing.
First time I ever thought
I'd be happy to hear a siren.
Still, you gotta consider it‘s either gotta
be Rosco, Boss, or Cletus.
It's like Russian roulette.
Let's see what they're gonna do.
-We better keep at this.
-All right.
lt‘s probably the Sheriff.
Do you want me to pull over?
Not till we get to Atlanta.
It'll give him a lot less chance
to welsh on that $100,000 he owes us.
Those two ain‘t
gonna play hard to get with me.
Just hold it right there, everybody.
You let him up, blondie.
That's using your heads, country boys...
‘cause you're worth $100,000 to ma.
Excuse me, Mr. Steele, not exactly.
See, they were, but now they aren't,
and I mean--
-Coltrane.
-What?
I told you what I was gonna do
if you tried to welsh on that payment.
Yes, but see, I'm not welshing, exactly.
It's not my fault, see, my inheritance
done dwindled down considerably.
I mean it's gone from $10 million to $10.
I don't think I can make that payment.
-Don‘t you be so sure.
-No.
-Dawson, put them in that patrol car.
-Just put them in that patrol car.
-We‘ll just cuff them.... Listen--
-You...
-get in that van.
-In that one?
Listen--
I want to see
if your hide is worth $100,000.
Mine?
Hand me those keys in there.
-Give me the CB.
-All right.
In case you boys have any ideas...
of hotwiring this car and following us....
Hurry up, Dawson. Let's go.
What are we going to do now?
It doesn't appear we got a whole lot of
choice. Let's do some hitchhiking.
-Coltrane.
-Yes.
Start earning your money.
Get Boss Hogg on that CB.
I don't think it's gonna do much good,
you know.
Boss Hogg, he don‘t care much for me
right at this moment.
You'd better get him to change his mind.
‘Cause if he don't, you're not gonna
be able to talk to anybody. Now, get him.
I got a theory about this.
You see, so many things go wrong
all the time in Hazzard, that...
when the things break right,
they really break right.
How y'all doing? Thought you might
need this old boy back here.
-Dang right.
-Let him down, would you?
I'll get the other side.
-Let him down.
-What‘s up, y'all?
Looks like Rosco‘s inheritance
didn't pan out...
so he can't pay that bounty hunter
what he promised him.
They kind of kidnapped old Rosco
and took him off in that brown van.
At least now we got the General,
so we can chase him.
Tell you what, I'll keep an eye out, too,
and I'll holler on the CB if I see him.
-Thanks a lot, Cooter.
-Let‘s hit it, Bo.
-Good luck, y'all.
-You got it.
We'll need it.
Thanks, Cooker!
Boss, this is Rosco.
Come in, please.
Boss, this is Rosco. Listen, come in.
I don't think he's listening.
-Try it again.
-I'm trying it again, right here.
Boss, please, little fat buddy...
come on in, this is Rosco. P. Coltrane.
Bass, came in,
because you gotta 5a ve my skin.
Hello.
This is Jefferson Davis Hogg talking...
at one time, the proud possessor...
of one of the greatest personal fortunes
in these parts...
and still am.
Sorry, I didn't catch your name.
-lt‘s Rosco, Boss.
-Rosco?
Yeah, your old friend, Rosco.
-Rosco who?
-Rosco P. Coltrane.
Oh, that Rosco.
Listen, Boss, listen...
I wanna ask you
a little itsy-bitsy favor here.
I'm wondering,
if you could loan me a measly $100,000."
to save my skin?
He's laughing, that's good news.
He's just laughing too long,
that's bad news.
-That‘s rich. That's a good one.
-Now, he's hysterical.
-He ain't gonna do it.
-My, you sure are funny.
On account of your skin ain't worth $100...
much less a $100,000.
-Well, some people think so.
-I ain't giving you one red cent.
Looks like he ain't gonna do it, Mr. Steele.
If you don't mind, would you...
let me have just a little time
to make out my will?
Mr. Coltrane, you want a pencil?
"l hereby leave...
"all my worldly possessions...
"to "W"-
"long-eared and loyal friend...
"Flash.
"Except for things...
"that Mama wants."
While Rosco was writing out
his last will and testament...
the bays and General Lee were doing
their dangdest ta keep him alive.
All right, get as close as you can.
Keep her steady.
-Pull up.
-All right, careful, now.
Come on, ease it up, now.
Keep it steady.
All right.
I can't see anything. Get him off of there.
Can't see, Steele.
-Shoot him, Steele.
-Bulletproof.
Then go get him from the outside.
Stop this thing.
-You all right?
-I think so.
That was Steele's last bounty, ‘cause
he was guilty of kidnapping the sheriff.
Bass and fiasco made up.
-You weren't making up that story?
-Heck, no.
-You weren't pulling my leg.
-No.
-You were in real danger.
-Are you kidding?
He was ready to blow rne out
between my ears.
-Where were you?
-Do tell.
-Yeah.
-If I'd have known that...
I'd have loaned you every penny I got,
or ever hope to have.
-I knew you was my little fat buddy.
-My old friend.
Little fat buddy, while we‘re friends,
could you loan me a 10 spot till payday?
-What? Loan you?
-Yeah.
-Are you in any real danger?
-No.
See some other sucker.
-Ready?
-Wait. Wait, just a minute.
All right.
The best part was,
Uncle Jesse was back on his feet.
fiasco did give Ba and Luke
a ticket far speeding...
when they were trying to save his life.
Sure looks like things are about
back to normal in Hazzard County, huh?
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