The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 2, Episode 32 - Jeff, the Financial Genius - full transcript
Jeff wants an advance on his allowance to buy items for his latest project. When that fails, he tries borrowing from everyone. Alex finds out he owes a lot of people money, and puts Jeff on a strict budget until he pays everyone back.
Not only did you get
the atomic reactor kit
and everything you
need to assemble it,
you get a geiger counter too.
It sounds great.
I take it you would confine
your efforts in the direction
of peaceful applications
of atomic energy.
Oh sure, dad.
I wouldn't fool around making
bombs and stuff like that.
Good. That takes
a load off my mind.
Well, I'm expecting a patient,
we'll talk about this later, Jeff.
Um, it's OK with you then?
Oh, certainly after all
we're in the atomic age, Jeff.
Well, that's why we figure it,
we're getting in
on the ground floor.
No question about it.
Who's this we?
Oh, didn't I tell you?
Zach and I are
going in it together.
Oh, combined operation.
Uh-hmm. He's
putting up half, $7.85.
Uh, and you're putting
up the other half, hmm?
Well, that's the idea,
only, uh, you see the
thing is, I'm a little short.
Again?
How short?
$7.85.
Ah-huh.
And what you're leading up to
is an advance on your allowance,
correct?
Yes.
No.
In addition to the
atomic reactor kit,
we also get a year's
subscription to the
Junior Atomic Science Journal...
As far as I'm concerned
the subject is closed.
Uh, dad, I think you
should bear in mind
that it's a once in a
lifetime opportunity.
Out.
Well, dad, you said
we're in the atomic age
and I think we should...
- Jeff.
- Yes, sir?
Blast off.
Momma?
Hmm, delicious.
Oh, don't you think there's a
little bit too much cinnamon?
- Hmm, perfect.
- Mom?
What is it, dear?
Mom, can I talk
to you in private?
What's your expert
opinion on this.
Expert? Him?
Hmm, it's delicious.
Dear, wouldn't I tell
you, Mary made these.
- Uh, too much cinnamon.
- Oh.
Hey, mom, can I have
a few words with you
without a crowd listening in?
Now, Mary is not a crowd and
besides we're baking a cake,
so go ahead and talk.
Hmm, what's the use.
No, go ahead,
nobody will interrupt.
Well, do you have any
idea what a big shortage
of nuclear scientist there
is right at this minute?
Well, I've read
about the problem,
I guess it's pretty serious.
Serious? Mom, it's a
crisis, it's a world crisis.
Well, darling, there isn't
anything I can do about it
until I finish the cake.
Oh, gee mom, here
we are in atomic age
and you're not even interested.
Oh, I'm interested
honey, I'm very interested.
Not too much flour, dear.
Well, you know, there's
an atomic reactor kit
that's on the market and
it's just perfect for training on.
Oh, look who's
going to be a scientist,
he'll probably blow
up the whole house.
- Mom, you said that she...
- Mary, please.
Now Jeff, if you're building
up for another advance...
Well, gee, mom
all I need is $7.85.
This is an offer that could
easily be withdrawn at any minute.
I'm prepared to
take that chance.
Well, think of it as an
investment in our country's
technical progress.
And bear in a mind that it's
once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah, bear in a mind
that it's once in a lifetime...
Oh, dad, have you tried
one of these cookies?
Mary baked them,
they're really good.
- Really?
- Uh-hmm.
Jeff, I thought I told there's
going to be no more efforts
to get money for
that atomic reactor kit.
Gee, dad, I didn't
know that included mom.
Jeff, you went to your father
first and then came to me?
Mother, that is nothing,
he's already tried to
borrow the money from me.
What is it Jeff you get a
pretty fair allowance, don't you?
Sure, dad, I'm not complaining.
Well, then why are you
always asking for advances?
What about the
rising cost of living?
You and dad are
always talking about it.
We talk about ways
of adjusting to it,
not disregarding it.
Well, let's get this
thing down on paper.
Darling, what does Jeff owe you?
About $4.
$4?
Well, $4.25 to be exact.
You're sure an
easier mark than I am,
he only got me for 2.80.
That brings your total
indebtedness to $7.05.
Do you care to have your
accountant go over the figures?
No, I guess that's it.
Oh, you can put
me down for a $1.50.
Boy, Mary.
I should have known you wouldn't
overlook anyone in the family.
Now, let's get this
thing out in the open.
Who else do you owe money to?
You wouldn't want to consider a
measly 75 cents that I owe Zach.
I certainly would.
Why did you borrow
money from Zach?
Gee, mom I had to have
it. It was an emergency.
What emergency?
I don't remember now, but
it sure was important then.
Alright, Diamond Jim, what else?
Well, if you're telling library
fines, it would be 28 cents.
But if you ask me I
think they overcharged.
Library, 28 cents.
What else?
Hmm. I guess that's about all,
except for the
Columbia Bike shop.
Don't tell me you bought that.
Oh, no.
The chain on my bike
was about ready to fall off
- and I ask Mr. Trainer how
much a new one would cost?
- How much?
Well, he said he'd be
glad to extend credit
and I could pay him
back whenever I could...
How much?
$2.50.
Oh, but that including
tightening all the spokes.
Maintenance of
rolling stock $2.50.
Anything else?
Well, I guess that's
about all that's important.
Tell us the
unimportant ones too.
Well, let's see, there's
a $1.40 I owe Eddie
for losing his baseball and
60 cents that I owe Johnny...
Hold it, hold it, I've
ran out of space.
Mary would you give me
a larger sheet of paper.
I have a feeling we've barely
began to scratch the surface.
Hi, Jeff.
Oh, hi, Zack.
Well, did you get the money?
What money?
For the atomic reactor kit.
Well, we can forget about that.
You mean, you
couldn't raise any of it?
Not a cent.
And besides that, I'm
practically disinherited.
Don't you have
to be 21 for that?
Well, not in my family.
Look at that, that's what I owe.
Where am I? You owe me 75 cents.
Third from the top.
And get this.
All of my allowance has
to go to pay off my debts
before I get a cent.
You're going to be broke
for the rest of your life,
until high school anyway.
Don't rub it in.
Well, I guess I better
talk to Ernie Shaw
about going partners
on the atomic reactor kit.
Hey, you're some friend.
Jeff, I've got to be practical,
by the time you get the money,
atomic energy will be obsolete.
That's great.
Although fortune has
temporarily deserted me
and my back is to the wall,
I stand alone, but
my head is unbowed.
Knock it off Jeff,
we saw that show together on TV.
- We did?
- Sure.
The Man Who Came Back.
That's when the
guy lost his business
and had to sell all
his stocks and bonds
and move to Africa
to start a new life.
Boy, it was great.
Yeah, that's right.
Hey, maybe that
guy had the right idea.
You're going to sell
your stocks and bonds?
No.
But I've got property and
that's practically the same thing.
I don't know what
you're thinking Jeff,
but I'd like to remind
you that you're under age.
Not anymore.
Sometimes a fellow
has an experience
that ages him overnight
and I think I've had it.
Come on, Zack.
What are we looking at?
Jeff.
You see Jeff?
No, dear, but I did.
And I must say he's
acting very strangely.
Sulking, huh.
Well, that's a perfectly
normal reaction
under the circumstances.
Oh, no dear, he's not sulking.
He and Zach just went
upstairs, he's perfectly happy,
- whistling cheerfully. Yes.
- Really?
Well, good, yeah,
the boy has resiliency.
And just before that he asked me
if everything he owns is
his own personal property
- even though he's a minor.
- Ah.
I said, yes.
What do you suppose he's up to?
We'll find out soon enough.
- Hi, Dr. Stone.
- Oh, hi Zach.
Are you sure this plane
is in flying condition now?
Oh, I guarantee it.
- OK, it's a deal then.
- OK, so long.
- Bye, Mrs. Stone...
- So long, Zach.
Jeff, what was that all about?
- Well, you know that 75 cent
debt that I had with Zach?
- Yeah.
I just scratched
it off the list.
75 cents?
Well, that plane cost
almost $3 a month ago.
Well, darling, you told him
that everything he
has belongs to him.
Well, I didn't tell him to give
away everything he owns.
Well, darling, I
think that well,
the important thing is that
Jeff is showing a sincere
desire to settle his debts.
What's a few dollars compared
to building his character.
Do you think settling
his 75-cent debt
with a $3 airplane
will build his character?
Don't think of it
in terms of money,
think of it in terms of symbols.
All I can say is, I wish I
was one of Jeff's creditors.
You are, darling.
Oh, don't tell me
Jeff is still at it.
At what?
Well, earlier he had
two boys over here
and he gave one of them
his stamp collecting set
- to wipe out a 60-cent debt.
- Oh, Alex.
And then he traded the other
boy his basketball for a turtle.
His new basketball
that I just bought $7 for?
And he got a turtle for it.
Alex, tell me more about this
character building business.
Hmm.
My, it looks good.
Did you have your
little talk with Jeff?
Of course, as I said I would.
Did he listen to you?
Darling, in a case like this a
boy has to be led not driven.
I explained to him that
he could do what he like
with his own things
as long as he learned
the value of them
and handle himself accordingly.
You make him sound
like a pawnbroker.
Oh.
Darling, I still think he'd be
better off giving him the advance.
Oh, no, that would
be completely wrong.
You know, I think it's
a good thing for Jeff
to barter and trade a bit
as long as he drives a better
bargain than he has been doing.
After all that's the
way civilization started.
Think of the Stone Age,
men we're bartering long
before money came into use.
Well, alright.
But after seeing the
way Jeff operates,
if he'd lived in the Stone Age,
he'd probably had traded
a dinosaur for a skate key.
Ah.
Ah, it's fine. Fine.
You're developing a nice tone.
Down you go.
He'll be all right in a
couple of days Mrs. Pruitt.
Oh, I was so worried he was
barking like a fox last night.
Ah.
That's enough, dear.
And all day long not a
sound out of him it was eerie.
His throat was
a little inflamed,
it's his tonsils again.
But don't worry, they don't
have to come out for quite a while.
Well, thank you, doctor.
Come along, Alvin.
Oh, how's Donna and the family?
Oh, they seemed to
be quite fit Mrs. Pruitt.
Thank you.
That's nice.
I wish we could see
more of your Jeff;
he's such a nice generous boy.
Generous?
You'll never guess what
he gave my Teddy yesterday.
What?
A perfectly beautiful
printing press,
why it must have cost
$18 when it was new.
25.
Jeff gave it to him?
Oh, I think Teddy traded
him something rather for it.
Well, goodbye, doctor.
Ah.
Alvin, stop making
those horrible noises.
Goodbye, Alvin.
Hi, dear. How's Alvin?
Ah.
Where is Jeff?
Oh, he left on one of his missions
about half an hour ago. Why?
With a load of bartering
goods for the natives?
The Jeff Stone giveaway program.
Darling, do you know what
that shrewd trader of ours
has been up to?
Yes, I've bumped into Mr. De
Palma at the supermarket,
he told me about
the catcher's mask.
I can't understand how an
otherwise intelligent boy like Jeff...
Catcher's mask?
Yes. What were
you talking about?
Never mind.
Fill me in.
Now, Alex remember,
you were the one who
said that Jeff would get
a whole new sense of values.
What about the catcher's mask?
He traded it to Johnny De Palma.
Now, in all fairness
to Mr. De Palma,
I must say he was
very upset about it.
He wanted to return
the mask, but I said no.
That mask costs over $10.
What did he get for it?
A copy of Mutiny on the Bounty.
A copy of Mutiny on the Bounty?
Uncut, first edition?
Bound in Morocco,
signed by the authors?
Just an old paperback.
Well, honey, it does show that
he is developing a literary interest.
Sure.
Alex, explain something to me.
What is all this trading
goods for other goods?
I thought Jeff was just trying
to settle some money debts?
I don't know what he's up to?
And I don't think
he does either.
Well, let's not worry about it.
He can always be a doctor.
I mean, doctors
are above all this
petty bartering and trading.
They're noble and
honest and trustworthy.
Oh, here is now.
Jeff.
Yes, sir.
Sit down.
I'd like a little talk with you.
OK.
Your mother and I are
rather curious to learn
how your trading has been going.
Oh, it's going
great, just great.
- It is, huh?
- Uh-hmm.
Would you mind
telling us about it?
Well, are you sure
I won't bore you?
Oh, we're very
interested. Aren't we, dear?
Oh, of course.
Always fascinating to learn
about your shrewd manipulations.
Oh, I guess that's just
a sort of a knack I have.
Yeah. You also
seemed to have knack
for giving things
away for nothing.
Like that printing
press of yours.
Oh, I didn't give it away
dad. I traded it to Teddy.
There, now isn't
that more like it?
What did you get in return?
A bicycle handlebars.
You have a perfectly
good set of handlebars
on your bike, don't you?
Well, sure, I didn't
want the handlebars,
it was sort of a
long range plan,
I had to trade them
to Vince Sprinkman.
- See?
- No.
Oh, for his army canteen. See?
Oh, well now that
isn't so bad, isn't it?
Army canteens are
very useful for hikes.
Wait a minute mom, I
didn't want that old canteen,
but I know Herb Vander did.
You follow me?
No.
What did you get from Herb?
A complete set of
baseball star pictures.
Of which you didn't
want in the first place?
Oh, of course not,
but I happen to know that
Chuck Gallen loves them.
So by tossing in my
boy scout compass...
Jeff, it begins to
get a little involved.
Do you mind telling us what
you finally wound up with?
Well, sure.
These.
A set of army dog tags?
This is what you wanted?
Well, sure.
Mary has been after
me for weeks to get a set.
Why?
Well, it's some nutty craze
the girls in their school have,
so I made a deal with her.
And you can scratch
Mary off my list of debts.
What do you think of that?
It's inspiring.
Well, it was nothing really.
Can I take this up to Mary now?
- Oh, OK.
- Well, thanks.
He'll make a fine doctor.
Oh, no, I don't
give up that easily.
Do you know what that
boy needs at this point?
An advance on his allowance.
No, a practical demonstration
of hardheaded Yankee trading.
Do you we know any
hardheaded Yankee's?
Darling, I come from a long line
of hardheaded Yankee traders,
so I'll do the demonstrating.
Hmm, you're going
to look pretty silly
trading with Jeff's friends.
I have no intention of
trading with Jeff's friends.
Nope.
You know what I'm going to do,
tomorrow morning I'm going to
take Jeff down to the swap shop
and show him a master in action.
- Here we are, Jeff.
- Boy.
- Quite a place, huh?
- Yeah.
Boy, look at all the neat stuff.
Yeah.
A fellow could spend a lot
of time in a place like this,
couldn't he, Jeff?
Boy, I'll say.
- Howdy?
- Oh, hello.
Anything special I can show you?
Oh, no, nothing in particular,
we're just looking
around if we may.
Oh, I see, you
just help yourself.
If you'll excuse me I
have to finish unpacking
something in the back
room, be with you in a minute.
Yeah, sure, go
ahead, just browsing.
All right.
Say Jeff, look at this
old coffee grinder.
That's just what your mother
has been wanting for a lamp base.
Oh, great, I'll go see
what we can get it for.
Hold, Jeff.
I'm surprised at you.
- You are.
- Yeah.
The first rule in
successful for trading is
never to appear interested
in whatever you're going for,
do you understand?
No.
Play it cool and disinterested.
Now you watch,
I'm going to offer to
sell him something
and then I'll look
around at a few items
that I don't
particularly care about,
then when I've him warmed down,
I'll switch to the
coffee grinder.
Gee, you're a
smart operator, dad.
Watch this.
Well, sir, did you find
anything you're interested in?
Hmm, nothing much so far,
uh, say, you buy as
well as trade, don't you?
That's right, buy, sell or
trade anything of value.
Well, I think I have something
here that may interest you.
What am I suppose
to do with that?
Why, that's a
genuine Christie reel
that cost over $28
when it was new.
Well, sure, but fishing's
come a long way since then.
I'd get laughed at if I
put that in the store.
Oh, well, let's forget it then.
Come on, Jeff.
However, I'll, uh, I'll take it
off your hands on a trade.
Uh, trade, huh?
Well, I don't know.
Well, look around
and maybe you'll see.
There you see the
way I handled that, Jeff?
Now, if I trade off right away,
he would have the advantage.
Oh, gee, dad, you're smart.
Hardheaded Yankee trading.
Say, um, what about that... what
about that old clock over there?
Oh, that clock might be old,
but it's in first class condition.
I'll get it for you.
Gee, dad, you're terrific.
Simply a question of being
in control of the situation.
Now you watch the way I work
around at the coffee grinder.
Come on.
Well, she may be old,
but she's as good as new.
Just look at that wood,
that's solid mahogany that is,
a little furniture polish
will fix it right up...
- Say, what's this name here?
- Hmm?
Herndon.
Yeah. It kind of looks like it.
It came with a lot of
old junk from Illinois,
I haven't had the
chance to catalogue it yet.
- Illinois, huh?
- Uh-hmm.
Not Springfield,
Illinois by any chance.
Well, yeah, now that you
mentioned it that's right...
How'd you know that?
- Oh, just a shot in the dark.
- Uh-hmm.
Just feel the way
that this clock is solid,
they don't make
them like that anymore.
- Don't drop. it - Yeah.
You sure it came
from Springfield?
- The clock?
- No, the leather case.
Oh, sure, yeah, it came
from Springfield, all right.
Now, this clock has got a
key that goes with it, to wind it.
Oh, good, good.
I'll be back in a jiffy.
Hey, dad, you got him eating
out of the palm of your hands.
Jeff, does that name
Herndon anything to you?
Uh-uhm.
That's Lincoln's old law partner
back in Springfield, Illinois.
Is that right?
Well, when are we getting
around the coffee grinder?
Jeff, this case could be full
of priceless historical letters
just think of that.
Here we are,
here's the key, now...
Well compared to swap
you even for the reel.
Well, I'll tell you what,
throw in this and
you've got a deal.
For that old thing,
oh, you don't want that,
besides there's a fellow
coming in today to look it over.
I kind of promised it to him.
All right I'll make you a deal.
Forget about the clock,
I'll swap you the reel
for the leather case.
No. I don't think I better,
you see I promise this fellow
he could have first whack at it,
but if you're not
interested in the clock,
maybe you'd like to have
that coffee grinder over there.
Oh no, I'm not interested
in the coffee grinder...
I'll tell you what,
I'll swap you the reel
for the leather case
and I'll give you
something to boot.
Well, it'd be an awful shame
to disappoint this fellow.
Any fair price you name it.
Well, it wouldn't be
nice to him if I did.
He won't be back.
I'm here right now.
I want the leather case.
He said that he'll be in
here in about a half an hour.
Well, yes, I want it now.
- Scalpel.
- Scalpel.
- Forceps.
- Forceps.
Alex, it was brilliant
of you to uncover this.
Well, just a hunch at first,
but you don't know if the
facts start falling into place.
Boy, careful, these
papers are awfully old.
Well, they could be very
important, couldn't they, dear?
Yeah. We'll find out.
We'll get in touch with
Mr. Gideon at the historical society.
Alex.
What was
Mr. Herndon's first name?
William Henry.
Did he run a hardware store?
No. He was
Lincoln's law partner.
As a matter of fact even
after Lincoln became president
he and Herndon remained a...
"100 feet of wire fence $10,
Keg of nails for a dollar 50."
Well, it looks like I spent
$25 and my Christie reel
for a collection of
bills and receipts
that once belong to Elias
Herndon hardware merchant.
Alex, I'm sorry. You
must feel terrible.
Go ahead and laugh,
I don't blame you
and that long line of
hardheaded Yankee traders,
I'm the one soft head.
Hey, mom.
You should have seen
dad down at the swap shop.
Boy, it was inspiring.
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
Hey, can I look at some
of those old papers.
No. I... Jeff, that is...
Jeff, your father
and I have decided
that you have
learned your lesson
and so we are going
to give you the advance
on your allowance, right dear?
Huh, oh yes, yes.
Yes.
- Gee, thanks dad.
- Here you are, Jeff.
Thanks.
Hey, dad, I know why
you gave me this advance.
You do?
Well, sure, you're
in a good mood
because you put one over
on the man at the swap shop.
Well, thanks, Zach.
We'll pick up that atomic
reactor kit later this afternoon.
Great. See you later, Jeff.
OK, bye.
Jeff, isn't this all the
stuff you've traded
to settle your debts?
Uh-hmm.
Well, what's it doing here?
Well, after I got everybody
paid off of what I owe,
I went down the cellar and
I found my old ice skates,
you know the ones
that are too small for me.
Jeff, just tell us how
you got everything back.
I'm trying to, mom.
Anyway, I took the skates
over to Johnny De Palma
and I traded him those
for my catcher's mask
and his butterfly collection.
Then I took his butterfly
collection over to Teddy
and got my printing
press and his ukulele.
And I took his ukulele...
Never mind the details.
So you wound up even even-steven
getting all your own
stuff back, is that it?
Well, not exactly.
After I was all through, I
had Zach's old telescope,
so I took it down to the old
White Elephant Swap Shop,
you know, and I got
this from Mr. Sprig.
Oh, Jeff, a coffee grinder.
Oh that's wonderful.
Thank you, dear.
Well, you said
mom wanted it, dad.
Uh, it's very thoughtful of you.
Well, it was nothing,
after all you and mom have
been so nice and everything.
Well, I take this upstairs.
What are you thinking?
Well, I was just
thinking that in the future
I'm not going to worry so
much about Jeff's future.
That's what I was thinking.
the atomic reactor kit
and everything you
need to assemble it,
you get a geiger counter too.
It sounds great.
I take it you would confine
your efforts in the direction
of peaceful applications
of atomic energy.
Oh sure, dad.
I wouldn't fool around making
bombs and stuff like that.
Good. That takes
a load off my mind.
Well, I'm expecting a patient,
we'll talk about this later, Jeff.
Um, it's OK with you then?
Oh, certainly after all
we're in the atomic age, Jeff.
Well, that's why we figure it,
we're getting in
on the ground floor.
No question about it.
Who's this we?
Oh, didn't I tell you?
Zach and I are
going in it together.
Oh, combined operation.
Uh-hmm. He's
putting up half, $7.85.
Uh, and you're putting
up the other half, hmm?
Well, that's the idea,
only, uh, you see the
thing is, I'm a little short.
Again?
How short?
$7.85.
Ah-huh.
And what you're leading up to
is an advance on your allowance,
correct?
Yes.
No.
In addition to the
atomic reactor kit,
we also get a year's
subscription to the
Junior Atomic Science Journal...
As far as I'm concerned
the subject is closed.
Uh, dad, I think you
should bear in mind
that it's a once in a
lifetime opportunity.
Out.
Well, dad, you said
we're in the atomic age
and I think we should...
- Jeff.
- Yes, sir?
Blast off.
Momma?
Hmm, delicious.
Oh, don't you think there's a
little bit too much cinnamon?
- Hmm, perfect.
- Mom?
What is it, dear?
Mom, can I talk
to you in private?
What's your expert
opinion on this.
Expert? Him?
Hmm, it's delicious.
Dear, wouldn't I tell
you, Mary made these.
- Uh, too much cinnamon.
- Oh.
Hey, mom, can I have
a few words with you
without a crowd listening in?
Now, Mary is not a crowd and
besides we're baking a cake,
so go ahead and talk.
Hmm, what's the use.
No, go ahead,
nobody will interrupt.
Well, do you have any
idea what a big shortage
of nuclear scientist there
is right at this minute?
Well, I've read
about the problem,
I guess it's pretty serious.
Serious? Mom, it's a
crisis, it's a world crisis.
Well, darling, there isn't
anything I can do about it
until I finish the cake.
Oh, gee mom, here
we are in atomic age
and you're not even interested.
Oh, I'm interested
honey, I'm very interested.
Not too much flour, dear.
Well, you know, there's
an atomic reactor kit
that's on the market and
it's just perfect for training on.
Oh, look who's
going to be a scientist,
he'll probably blow
up the whole house.
- Mom, you said that she...
- Mary, please.
Now Jeff, if you're building
up for another advance...
Well, gee, mom
all I need is $7.85.
This is an offer that could
easily be withdrawn at any minute.
I'm prepared to
take that chance.
Well, think of it as an
investment in our country's
technical progress.
And bear in a mind that it's
once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah, bear in a mind
that it's once in a lifetime...
Oh, dad, have you tried
one of these cookies?
Mary baked them,
they're really good.
- Really?
- Uh-hmm.
Jeff, I thought I told there's
going to be no more efforts
to get money for
that atomic reactor kit.
Gee, dad, I didn't
know that included mom.
Jeff, you went to your father
first and then came to me?
Mother, that is nothing,
he's already tried to
borrow the money from me.
What is it Jeff you get a
pretty fair allowance, don't you?
Sure, dad, I'm not complaining.
Well, then why are you
always asking for advances?
What about the
rising cost of living?
You and dad are
always talking about it.
We talk about ways
of adjusting to it,
not disregarding it.
Well, let's get this
thing down on paper.
Darling, what does Jeff owe you?
About $4.
$4?
Well, $4.25 to be exact.
You're sure an
easier mark than I am,
he only got me for 2.80.
That brings your total
indebtedness to $7.05.
Do you care to have your
accountant go over the figures?
No, I guess that's it.
Oh, you can put
me down for a $1.50.
Boy, Mary.
I should have known you wouldn't
overlook anyone in the family.
Now, let's get this
thing out in the open.
Who else do you owe money to?
You wouldn't want to consider a
measly 75 cents that I owe Zach.
I certainly would.
Why did you borrow
money from Zach?
Gee, mom I had to have
it. It was an emergency.
What emergency?
I don't remember now, but
it sure was important then.
Alright, Diamond Jim, what else?
Well, if you're telling library
fines, it would be 28 cents.
But if you ask me I
think they overcharged.
Library, 28 cents.
What else?
Hmm. I guess that's about all,
except for the
Columbia Bike shop.
Don't tell me you bought that.
Oh, no.
The chain on my bike
was about ready to fall off
- and I ask Mr. Trainer how
much a new one would cost?
- How much?
Well, he said he'd be
glad to extend credit
and I could pay him
back whenever I could...
How much?
$2.50.
Oh, but that including
tightening all the spokes.
Maintenance of
rolling stock $2.50.
Anything else?
Well, I guess that's
about all that's important.
Tell us the
unimportant ones too.
Well, let's see, there's
a $1.40 I owe Eddie
for losing his baseball and
60 cents that I owe Johnny...
Hold it, hold it, I've
ran out of space.
Mary would you give me
a larger sheet of paper.
I have a feeling we've barely
began to scratch the surface.
Hi, Jeff.
Oh, hi, Zack.
Well, did you get the money?
What money?
For the atomic reactor kit.
Well, we can forget about that.
You mean, you
couldn't raise any of it?
Not a cent.
And besides that, I'm
practically disinherited.
Don't you have
to be 21 for that?
Well, not in my family.
Look at that, that's what I owe.
Where am I? You owe me 75 cents.
Third from the top.
And get this.
All of my allowance has
to go to pay off my debts
before I get a cent.
You're going to be broke
for the rest of your life,
until high school anyway.
Don't rub it in.
Well, I guess I better
talk to Ernie Shaw
about going partners
on the atomic reactor kit.
Hey, you're some friend.
Jeff, I've got to be practical,
by the time you get the money,
atomic energy will be obsolete.
That's great.
Although fortune has
temporarily deserted me
and my back is to the wall,
I stand alone, but
my head is unbowed.
Knock it off Jeff,
we saw that show together on TV.
- We did?
- Sure.
The Man Who Came Back.
That's when the
guy lost his business
and had to sell all
his stocks and bonds
and move to Africa
to start a new life.
Boy, it was great.
Yeah, that's right.
Hey, maybe that
guy had the right idea.
You're going to sell
your stocks and bonds?
No.
But I've got property and
that's practically the same thing.
I don't know what
you're thinking Jeff,
but I'd like to remind
you that you're under age.
Not anymore.
Sometimes a fellow
has an experience
that ages him overnight
and I think I've had it.
Come on, Zack.
What are we looking at?
Jeff.
You see Jeff?
No, dear, but I did.
And I must say he's
acting very strangely.
Sulking, huh.
Well, that's a perfectly
normal reaction
under the circumstances.
Oh, no dear, he's not sulking.
He and Zach just went
upstairs, he's perfectly happy,
- whistling cheerfully. Yes.
- Really?
Well, good, yeah,
the boy has resiliency.
And just before that he asked me
if everything he owns is
his own personal property
- even though he's a minor.
- Ah.
I said, yes.
What do you suppose he's up to?
We'll find out soon enough.
- Hi, Dr. Stone.
- Oh, hi Zach.
Are you sure this plane
is in flying condition now?
Oh, I guarantee it.
- OK, it's a deal then.
- OK, so long.
- Bye, Mrs. Stone...
- So long, Zach.
Jeff, what was that all about?
- Well, you know that 75 cent
debt that I had with Zach?
- Yeah.
I just scratched
it off the list.
75 cents?
Well, that plane cost
almost $3 a month ago.
Well, darling, you told him
that everything he
has belongs to him.
Well, I didn't tell him to give
away everything he owns.
Well, darling, I
think that well,
the important thing is that
Jeff is showing a sincere
desire to settle his debts.
What's a few dollars compared
to building his character.
Do you think settling
his 75-cent debt
with a $3 airplane
will build his character?
Don't think of it
in terms of money,
think of it in terms of symbols.
All I can say is, I wish I
was one of Jeff's creditors.
You are, darling.
Oh, don't tell me
Jeff is still at it.
At what?
Well, earlier he had
two boys over here
and he gave one of them
his stamp collecting set
- to wipe out a 60-cent debt.
- Oh, Alex.
And then he traded the other
boy his basketball for a turtle.
His new basketball
that I just bought $7 for?
And he got a turtle for it.
Alex, tell me more about this
character building business.
Hmm.
My, it looks good.
Did you have your
little talk with Jeff?
Of course, as I said I would.
Did he listen to you?
Darling, in a case like this a
boy has to be led not driven.
I explained to him that
he could do what he like
with his own things
as long as he learned
the value of them
and handle himself accordingly.
You make him sound
like a pawnbroker.
Oh.
Darling, I still think he'd be
better off giving him the advance.
Oh, no, that would
be completely wrong.
You know, I think it's
a good thing for Jeff
to barter and trade a bit
as long as he drives a better
bargain than he has been doing.
After all that's the
way civilization started.
Think of the Stone Age,
men we're bartering long
before money came into use.
Well, alright.
But after seeing the
way Jeff operates,
if he'd lived in the Stone Age,
he'd probably had traded
a dinosaur for a skate key.
Ah.
Ah, it's fine. Fine.
You're developing a nice tone.
Down you go.
He'll be all right in a
couple of days Mrs. Pruitt.
Oh, I was so worried he was
barking like a fox last night.
Ah.
That's enough, dear.
And all day long not a
sound out of him it was eerie.
His throat was
a little inflamed,
it's his tonsils again.
But don't worry, they don't
have to come out for quite a while.
Well, thank you, doctor.
Come along, Alvin.
Oh, how's Donna and the family?
Oh, they seemed to
be quite fit Mrs. Pruitt.
Thank you.
That's nice.
I wish we could see
more of your Jeff;
he's such a nice generous boy.
Generous?
You'll never guess what
he gave my Teddy yesterday.
What?
A perfectly beautiful
printing press,
why it must have cost
$18 when it was new.
25.
Jeff gave it to him?
Oh, I think Teddy traded
him something rather for it.
Well, goodbye, doctor.
Ah.
Alvin, stop making
those horrible noises.
Goodbye, Alvin.
Hi, dear. How's Alvin?
Ah.
Where is Jeff?
Oh, he left on one of his missions
about half an hour ago. Why?
With a load of bartering
goods for the natives?
The Jeff Stone giveaway program.
Darling, do you know what
that shrewd trader of ours
has been up to?
Yes, I've bumped into Mr. De
Palma at the supermarket,
he told me about
the catcher's mask.
I can't understand how an
otherwise intelligent boy like Jeff...
Catcher's mask?
Yes. What were
you talking about?
Never mind.
Fill me in.
Now, Alex remember,
you were the one who
said that Jeff would get
a whole new sense of values.
What about the catcher's mask?
He traded it to Johnny De Palma.
Now, in all fairness
to Mr. De Palma,
I must say he was
very upset about it.
He wanted to return
the mask, but I said no.
That mask costs over $10.
What did he get for it?
A copy of Mutiny on the Bounty.
A copy of Mutiny on the Bounty?
Uncut, first edition?
Bound in Morocco,
signed by the authors?
Just an old paperback.
Well, honey, it does show that
he is developing a literary interest.
Sure.
Alex, explain something to me.
What is all this trading
goods for other goods?
I thought Jeff was just trying
to settle some money debts?
I don't know what he's up to?
And I don't think
he does either.
Well, let's not worry about it.
He can always be a doctor.
I mean, doctors
are above all this
petty bartering and trading.
They're noble and
honest and trustworthy.
Oh, here is now.
Jeff.
Yes, sir.
Sit down.
I'd like a little talk with you.
OK.
Your mother and I are
rather curious to learn
how your trading has been going.
Oh, it's going
great, just great.
- It is, huh?
- Uh-hmm.
Would you mind
telling us about it?
Well, are you sure
I won't bore you?
Oh, we're very
interested. Aren't we, dear?
Oh, of course.
Always fascinating to learn
about your shrewd manipulations.
Oh, I guess that's just
a sort of a knack I have.
Yeah. You also
seemed to have knack
for giving things
away for nothing.
Like that printing
press of yours.
Oh, I didn't give it away
dad. I traded it to Teddy.
There, now isn't
that more like it?
What did you get in return?
A bicycle handlebars.
You have a perfectly
good set of handlebars
on your bike, don't you?
Well, sure, I didn't
want the handlebars,
it was sort of a
long range plan,
I had to trade them
to Vince Sprinkman.
- See?
- No.
Oh, for his army canteen. See?
Oh, well now that
isn't so bad, isn't it?
Army canteens are
very useful for hikes.
Wait a minute mom, I
didn't want that old canteen,
but I know Herb Vander did.
You follow me?
No.
What did you get from Herb?
A complete set of
baseball star pictures.
Of which you didn't
want in the first place?
Oh, of course not,
but I happen to know that
Chuck Gallen loves them.
So by tossing in my
boy scout compass...
Jeff, it begins to
get a little involved.
Do you mind telling us what
you finally wound up with?
Well, sure.
These.
A set of army dog tags?
This is what you wanted?
Well, sure.
Mary has been after
me for weeks to get a set.
Why?
Well, it's some nutty craze
the girls in their school have,
so I made a deal with her.
And you can scratch
Mary off my list of debts.
What do you think of that?
It's inspiring.
Well, it was nothing really.
Can I take this up to Mary now?
- Oh, OK.
- Well, thanks.
He'll make a fine doctor.
Oh, no, I don't
give up that easily.
Do you know what that
boy needs at this point?
An advance on his allowance.
No, a practical demonstration
of hardheaded Yankee trading.
Do you we know any
hardheaded Yankee's?
Darling, I come from a long line
of hardheaded Yankee traders,
so I'll do the demonstrating.
Hmm, you're going
to look pretty silly
trading with Jeff's friends.
I have no intention of
trading with Jeff's friends.
Nope.
You know what I'm going to do,
tomorrow morning I'm going to
take Jeff down to the swap shop
and show him a master in action.
- Here we are, Jeff.
- Boy.
- Quite a place, huh?
- Yeah.
Boy, look at all the neat stuff.
Yeah.
A fellow could spend a lot
of time in a place like this,
couldn't he, Jeff?
Boy, I'll say.
- Howdy?
- Oh, hello.
Anything special I can show you?
Oh, no, nothing in particular,
we're just looking
around if we may.
Oh, I see, you
just help yourself.
If you'll excuse me I
have to finish unpacking
something in the back
room, be with you in a minute.
Yeah, sure, go
ahead, just browsing.
All right.
Say Jeff, look at this
old coffee grinder.
That's just what your mother
has been wanting for a lamp base.
Oh, great, I'll go see
what we can get it for.
Hold, Jeff.
I'm surprised at you.
- You are.
- Yeah.
The first rule in
successful for trading is
never to appear interested
in whatever you're going for,
do you understand?
No.
Play it cool and disinterested.
Now you watch,
I'm going to offer to
sell him something
and then I'll look
around at a few items
that I don't
particularly care about,
then when I've him warmed down,
I'll switch to the
coffee grinder.
Gee, you're a
smart operator, dad.
Watch this.
Well, sir, did you find
anything you're interested in?
Hmm, nothing much so far,
uh, say, you buy as
well as trade, don't you?
That's right, buy, sell or
trade anything of value.
Well, I think I have something
here that may interest you.
What am I suppose
to do with that?
Why, that's a
genuine Christie reel
that cost over $28
when it was new.
Well, sure, but fishing's
come a long way since then.
I'd get laughed at if I
put that in the store.
Oh, well, let's forget it then.
Come on, Jeff.
However, I'll, uh, I'll take it
off your hands on a trade.
Uh, trade, huh?
Well, I don't know.
Well, look around
and maybe you'll see.
There you see the
way I handled that, Jeff?
Now, if I trade off right away,
he would have the advantage.
Oh, gee, dad, you're smart.
Hardheaded Yankee trading.
Say, um, what about that... what
about that old clock over there?
Oh, that clock might be old,
but it's in first class condition.
I'll get it for you.
Gee, dad, you're terrific.
Simply a question of being
in control of the situation.
Now you watch the way I work
around at the coffee grinder.
Come on.
Well, she may be old,
but she's as good as new.
Just look at that wood,
that's solid mahogany that is,
a little furniture polish
will fix it right up...
- Say, what's this name here?
- Hmm?
Herndon.
Yeah. It kind of looks like it.
It came with a lot of
old junk from Illinois,
I haven't had the
chance to catalogue it yet.
- Illinois, huh?
- Uh-hmm.
Not Springfield,
Illinois by any chance.
Well, yeah, now that you
mentioned it that's right...
How'd you know that?
- Oh, just a shot in the dark.
- Uh-hmm.
Just feel the way
that this clock is solid,
they don't make
them like that anymore.
- Don't drop. it - Yeah.
You sure it came
from Springfield?
- The clock?
- No, the leather case.
Oh, sure, yeah, it came
from Springfield, all right.
Now, this clock has got a
key that goes with it, to wind it.
Oh, good, good.
I'll be back in a jiffy.
Hey, dad, you got him eating
out of the palm of your hands.
Jeff, does that name
Herndon anything to you?
Uh-uhm.
That's Lincoln's old law partner
back in Springfield, Illinois.
Is that right?
Well, when are we getting
around the coffee grinder?
Jeff, this case could be full
of priceless historical letters
just think of that.
Here we are,
here's the key, now...
Well compared to swap
you even for the reel.
Well, I'll tell you what,
throw in this and
you've got a deal.
For that old thing,
oh, you don't want that,
besides there's a fellow
coming in today to look it over.
I kind of promised it to him.
All right I'll make you a deal.
Forget about the clock,
I'll swap you the reel
for the leather case.
No. I don't think I better,
you see I promise this fellow
he could have first whack at it,
but if you're not
interested in the clock,
maybe you'd like to have
that coffee grinder over there.
Oh no, I'm not interested
in the coffee grinder...
I'll tell you what,
I'll swap you the reel
for the leather case
and I'll give you
something to boot.
Well, it'd be an awful shame
to disappoint this fellow.
Any fair price you name it.
Well, it wouldn't be
nice to him if I did.
He won't be back.
I'm here right now.
I want the leather case.
He said that he'll be in
here in about a half an hour.
Well, yes, I want it now.
- Scalpel.
- Scalpel.
- Forceps.
- Forceps.
Alex, it was brilliant
of you to uncover this.
Well, just a hunch at first,
but you don't know if the
facts start falling into place.
Boy, careful, these
papers are awfully old.
Well, they could be very
important, couldn't they, dear?
Yeah. We'll find out.
We'll get in touch with
Mr. Gideon at the historical society.
Alex.
What was
Mr. Herndon's first name?
William Henry.
Did he run a hardware store?
No. He was
Lincoln's law partner.
As a matter of fact even
after Lincoln became president
he and Herndon remained a...
"100 feet of wire fence $10,
Keg of nails for a dollar 50."
Well, it looks like I spent
$25 and my Christie reel
for a collection of
bills and receipts
that once belong to Elias
Herndon hardware merchant.
Alex, I'm sorry. You
must feel terrible.
Go ahead and laugh,
I don't blame you
and that long line of
hardheaded Yankee traders,
I'm the one soft head.
Hey, mom.
You should have seen
dad down at the swap shop.
Boy, it was inspiring.
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
Hey, can I look at some
of those old papers.
No. I... Jeff, that is...
Jeff, your father
and I have decided
that you have
learned your lesson
and so we are going
to give you the advance
on your allowance, right dear?
Huh, oh yes, yes.
Yes.
- Gee, thanks dad.
- Here you are, Jeff.
Thanks.
Hey, dad, I know why
you gave me this advance.
You do?
Well, sure, you're
in a good mood
because you put one over
on the man at the swap shop.
Well, thanks, Zach.
We'll pick up that atomic
reactor kit later this afternoon.
Great. See you later, Jeff.
OK, bye.
Jeff, isn't this all the
stuff you've traded
to settle your debts?
Uh-hmm.
Well, what's it doing here?
Well, after I got everybody
paid off of what I owe,
I went down the cellar and
I found my old ice skates,
you know the ones
that are too small for me.
Jeff, just tell us how
you got everything back.
I'm trying to, mom.
Anyway, I took the skates
over to Johnny De Palma
and I traded him those
for my catcher's mask
and his butterfly collection.
Then I took his butterfly
collection over to Teddy
and got my printing
press and his ukulele.
And I took his ukulele...
Never mind the details.
So you wound up even even-steven
getting all your own
stuff back, is that it?
Well, not exactly.
After I was all through, I
had Zach's old telescope,
so I took it down to the old
White Elephant Swap Shop,
you know, and I got
this from Mr. Sprig.
Oh, Jeff, a coffee grinder.
Oh that's wonderful.
Thank you, dear.
Well, you said
mom wanted it, dad.
Uh, it's very thoughtful of you.
Well, it was nothing,
after all you and mom have
been so nice and everything.
Well, I take this upstairs.
What are you thinking?
Well, I was just
thinking that in the future
I'm not going to worry so
much about Jeff's future.
That's what I was thinking.