The Dangerous Book for Boys (2018): Season 1, Episode 6 - How to Build a Treehouse - full transcript

Terry, you're sure you know
how to fix the dishwasher?
Oh, would you relax,
Beth?
Oh!
I spent six months
as a plumber's apprentice
in New Zealand,
and I can't tell you
how many times
I had to snake out
Elijah Wood's toilet
while they were shooting
"Lord of the Rings."
Mm.
Really, unless it's zero,
I don't want to hear about it.
Oh, by the way,
I'm thinking of rebuilding
the kids' tree house,
you know,
since I burned down
the last one.
Oh.
Oh, no.
No...no, Terry,
you don't need to do that,
and by that, I mean
please don't.
Oh, come on, Beth.
You gotta let me do this.
I mean, you guys
have done so much for me.
I need to do something
to pay you back a little.
I don't...I don't know.
I...
I...I promise,
you got nothing to worry about.
I'm a can-do dude.
Check it out,
one last wrench
with the...
whatchamacallit,
and it is...fixed.
Hey...
there's no noises,
no smoke...
- no leaks. I told you.
They don't let just anyone
install a hot tub
for Frodo Baggins.
You know what?
Okay, yes,
you can rebuild
the tree house.
Yeah.
Kids deserve something fun.
Thank you, Beth.
Thank you.
You won't regret it.
Wow, this tree house
is gonna be
even cooler
than our house-house.
I'll say one thing for him.
His enthusiasm
is almost as contagious
as the pinkeye
that he gave us last month.
Uncle Terry...
are you sure we can't help?
Dad has a whole
chapter about
building a tree house
in the Dangerous Book.
And he says that we should
all work together.
Sorry, Bromeo.
This is something
I gotta do on my own.
Besides, you think
that book is dangerous?
Try construction.
It is a nonstop battle
between wood and face,
which is why I never leave
without my trusty
safety goggles.
But Dad was pretty clear
about including us all.
Listen, I got this, kiddo.
Don't worry about it.
You just worry about
how much fun you're gonna have
when that baby's done.
There's nothing safe
about these goggles.
Yes, I see you, Terry!
You're swinging that hammer
like a big boy!
Oh, I hope he doesn't
mess this up.
I'm under enough pressure
already.
You gotta relax
a little, Beth.
- You worry too much.
- I know,
and I worry about that too.
My parenting philosophy
was to let the boys
make big mistakes
so that they'll be able
to make bigger successes.
Sure worked with Patrick.
And Terry?
Oh, Terry's due for
a big win one of these days.
Ow!
Stupid goggles!
Probably not today.
Hey, Uncle Terry!
Can you put a tire swing
on it?
For you, Dash,
any swing.
How about a zip line?
I'll zip right down
and install one.
Ooh, ooh, and a hammock!
I'll ha...
ham and cheese...
cheese, sneeze...
oh, jeez.
Yeah, I can put in a hammock.
You know you're
currently violating
half a dozen
building codes, right?
But while you're up there,
make sure to install Wi-Fi.
Oh, you got it, buddy.
Hey, Uncle Terry!
Can I get you
some iced tea?
Or just tea,
because I think we used up
all the ice
when you hammered your foot.
Stop bothering him, Wyatt.
Would you annoy
that old artist guy,
Mike Angelo,
when he was carving
the "Mona Lucy"?
I think you mean
the "Mona Lisa."
I'm...I'm gonna stop you
right there.
I don't think.
I just do.
Wyatt!
Oh, it's so great to see
another human being!
It's great to see you too,
Dad,
but you do kinda
smell a little.
Oh, yeah.
Think I broke Dash's record
for not showering.
That was a stinky
six weeks.
That was stinky.
So how go things
back in civilization?
Uncle Terry's
building us a tree house.
That's nice.
Are you boys pitching in?
No.
I know you wrote that we should,
but he wants to do it
by himself.
Well, there's something
to be said
for figuring stuff out
on your own.
Like Liam over there.
Sometimes it pays
to be an independent thinker.
But I've always believed
in the old motto
"United we stand,
divided we fall."
Ha!
Who's stupid now?
You totally forgot
the "E" in "sauce."
I need to get
a picture of this.
You have a cell phone?
We can call for help,
you idiot.
Give it to me!
And waste my data?
No way!
See?
When times get rough,
nothing works
if you don't stick together.
Agh,
what are you doing?
Give it to me!
You drilled a smiley face
in my trigonometry textbook!
Yeah, I finally
made math fun.
You're welcome.
You guys just wait.
This baby's gonna have
all the bells and whistles.
I'm putting in the whistles
tomorrow.
Oh, I have my whistle
from soccer camp.
Maybe we could
put it in.
Sorry, Wyatt.
But this is a solo project.
Just like when I sing
both parts
to "I Got You Babe"
on karaoke night.
- -
Now, I don't want
to oversell this,
but what you are
about to see
will blow away
the pyramids of Giza
and the Honolulu Half-Pipe
at Raging Water Sacramento.
Terry! Terry! Terry!
Zip line, zip line,
zip line!
Without permits,
without permits,
- without permits.
- Beth.
Would you do us the honors,
please?
Uh, yeah, I guess.
I don't...um...
Hey, wait.
Are these my good scissors?
I've been looking everywhere...
Dash, drumroll, please!
Oh, the trumpet sound
works too.
Friends, neighbors,
peoples of Earth,
may I present to you...
you, you, you, you, you...
the McKenna family tree house.
Yes, snip.
Whoo-hoo!
Terry, Terry!
Oh, what'd I tell you?
The kid's a winner.
Just took him 40 years
to get over the hump.
You know, I gotta admit it,
Terry,
I had my doubts,
but this is spect...
What?
Oh...
Oh!
Beth, how hard
did you cut that ribbon?
This is crazy.
Yeah, crazy great.
How many people
do you know
have a moon roof
in their room?
Can't be more than a thousand.
At least the Dangerous Book
is safe.
Oh, so's my third-grade diary.
I was all over
Tesla stock
right from
jump street.
No! No!
Stay with me, Sunny!
You're...you're gonna
be okay, right?
Oh, man,
this is a disaster.
I know.
I was totally off base
on my valuation
of Bed Bath & Beyond.
I must have been insane
to let you build
that ridiculous tree house!
I...
How many times
can I say I'm sorry?
- Well... I mean, seriously.
Pick a number.
10,000.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry...
Oh, my God, stop it.
Sorry.
That was an apology
for apologizing.
That doesn't count
against the 10,000.
Okay, he messed up.
But he messed up trying to do
something nice for the kids.
That's gotta count
for something.
He could have killed
my children, Tiffany.
My children.
Okay, that also counts
for something,
but how about
we call it even?
Everything you've done
since you got here
has been a total disaster,
and it's just...
enough is enough.
I need to protect
my family right now.
Terry, you...
you need to leave this house.
Or what's left of it.
Beth, you can't do that.
I can and I just did.
Terry, you've gotta go.
Have you guys ever seen Mom
that mad before?
No, not even
at the Indians game
when I tried to get
Corey Kluber's autograph.
You ran out to the mound in
the middle of the fifth inning.
His pitch count was up.
I wanted him to sign
before his arm got too tired.
At least Mom's letting us
sleep outside in the fresh air.
The only fresh air I like is
the Mountain Citrus spray
I blast
after you use the bathroom.
Aren't you guys worried
about what's happening?
Mom just kicked
Uncle Terry out,
and there's a giant tree
in the middle of our room.
Forget about that stuff, Wyatt.
What you should be worried about
is bear attacks.
There are no bears in Akron.
That's what the Lipinsky family
thought.
Remember them?
Yeah, they moved to Omaha.
That's what the bears
want you to believe.
Hey, guys?
Uh...
I think...I think we need
to talk about Uncle Terry.
You know, and I know
that you may not
understand this
right now,
but his leaving
is for the best.
Okay?
Protecting you boys...
it is the most important job
I will ever have,
and I do not take it lightly.
Can we at least
say good-bye to him?
Oh, sweetie, um...
he didn't want
to upset you guys any more,
so he just left.
Uncle Terry
was the greatest.
Remember the time
when he melted
all the little jelly beans
into one giant jelly bean?
That was awesome.
Awesome?
He ate the whole thing
and barfed rainbow-colored vomit
all over the back
of the Astrovan.
awesome.
Uncle Terry was a wild card.
Mom did what she had to do.
Why are you always
such a jerk?
Why are you always
such an idiot?
Guys! Come on.
when times get tough,
we've gotta stick together.
Oh, man, it's the bear
that ate the Lipinskys!
I thought I made that up.
- Hey, dudes. Uncle Terry,
you scared the heck
out of...those two.
You guys gotta help me.
I can't make it out there
on my own.
Somebody stole my pants,
so I had to steal
someone else's pants.
Long story short,
these are not my pants.
You've only been gone
for five hours.
Oh, come on, guys,
just help me.
I don't wanna
have to leave!
I miss you guys.
Aw, he's so cute.
Can we keep him
I say we let him stay.
Well, Mom kicked him out
for a reason.
But I guess one night
couldn't hurt.
Oh, thank you!
And if a guy named Wild Dave
comes looking
for a pair of khakis,
I was never here.
Move over.
I want the warm spot.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no...
yes, no, I'm looking at
what you sent over,
but I don't understand.
Is it...is it an estimate
or is it a phone number?
No, I don't...I don't want
your phone number.
No, I'm t... Never mind.
I will have to figure
something else out.
Uh, you're...
you're doing that all wrong.
Excuse me?
You're just...you're stacking
the bowls all wrong.
My God, not the bowls!
Please, Beth, don't throw me
out of the house too.
Have you ever considered
you might have some
teensy, tinsy control issues?
Like everything has to be
exactly your way?
Right?
What, my...my way?
Nothing is my way.
I can't afford to fix
the hole in my house,
my kids are living
like wild animals,
and I'm barely holding on
to my sanity,
but, ooh, check it out!
Lucky me!
If the bowls are stacked
this way,
I can fit the salad bowl
in the cupboard!
Ooh!
My way.
Agh!
- Yuck. Hey!
Get your butt
away from my face.
Get your face
away from my butt.
You're unbelievable.
Even your dumbness is stupid.
You can use that whole can,
but you still stink!
Come on, guys.
We're falling apart.
Please don't start fighting
again.
Shut up!
Seriously?
That's what you can agree on?
You know what?
I've had enough!
As of...
37 a.m. in the morning,
we are officially un-brothers!
And I don't share a tent
with brothers
who used to be my brother.
Oh, yeah?
Well, two can play at that game!
You don't even exist to me
anymore.
I'm yelling at no one!
Mm...
smells like mountain citrus.
Oh, for God's sake.
Let me help you!
Help me how?
By reading a gossip magazine
or forgetting to make dinner
or...
I don't know,
maybe you want to
read my horoscope
and tell me that my...
my Neptune's in night-rograde,
hmm?
Okay, that's not fair.
I'm trying my best.
We all are.
and it's your Mercury
that's in retrograde,
and it explains a whole lot.
Yeah, I stand corrected.
You're tremendously helpful.
You know, Beth,
you might feel a little better
if you stopped carrying
the weight of the world
on your shoulders.
Well, that's kinda hard,
because the weight of the world
is on my shoulders, Tiffany.
It's all on my shoulders.
Oh!
Ah!
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know you're laughing.
Can't sleep either, huh?
I know how you feel,
but I'm here for you,
buddy.
I don't know, Uncle Terry.
It's just, I tried to get
everyone to get along
like Dad wanted,
but it's all just a mess.
Everyone's fighting,
we're all in separate tents,
and I don't know
what to do about it.
Just help me figure out
what to do.
You're the only person
who will even listen to me.
Unbelievable.
Can't count on anybody.
Sunny's dead,
and you don't care!
It's just
a stupid flower!
You're just
a stupid flower!
Stop!
Get off me.
- Ugh, get off of me, jerk! Come on!
Stop! Jerk!
Ton of noise
coming from...
Oh, Dash and Liam,
quit it.
You guys, stop it, seriously!
What is going on?
Cut it out, boys.
Come on, now.
I love wrestling, but only
when it's fully scripted.
Get off me!
Stop, please!
Please.
- Terry,
- what are you doing here
Wild Dave's, but that is
not important right now.
What is important...
- Okay, when I told you
that you needed to get out,
I did not mean
to our backyard!
Terry...
Don't you yell at me!
You guys stop it!
You stop it right now.
Just stop!
Ow! Stop!
I can't take this anymore.
I just wish I was alone.
This is more like it.
Peace and quiet.
Nobody yelling,
nobody fighting,
just...nobody?
Dad?
Dad, is that you?
Dad, are you here?
I'm all alone.
I did not mean
to our backyard!
- Yelling at him...
- I am wrong. I'm so wrong.
You were right.
You were right.
I'm wrong. Stop it.
You're making
the Astroturf lumpy.
I can't stand to see
you guys this way,
and it's all my fault!
Beth, I'm sorry.
I should never have come back.
Now, I'm gonna leave now
for good.
It'll be better this way.
No, it won't.
Mom.
Terry, wait.
You don't have to go.
What?
It's not your fault.
Okay?
I'm to blame too.
I've been stressed
and I've been angry,
and I'm...I've just been
taking it out
on all of you guys,
and I'm sorry.
Okay?
Because I think the...
the person I'm really
angry at...isn't here.
And it's not Patrick's fault
that...
that he left,
but I can't help
being mad at him
that he did,
and I've just felt so...
so alone.
You're not alone, Mom.
We're here.
And even through
all of the fighting
and the problems,
we need to be together,
because nothing
is worse than feeling alone.
You're right, sweetheart.
I don't want any of you
to feel that way.
Okay?
Because we're not alone.
None of us.
And you too, Terry.
Come back.
Come on.
Oh...
You know, now I get it.
Hmm?
I thought you guys
wanted me to
take Patrick's place.
Instead, you just helped me
to find my own place.
Oh, it's just like
the '60s,
but this time,
I remember everything.
I just wish your twin brother
were here to see this.
Twins.
Of course!
Jumping jungle stripes!
The Tiger Twins!
Yes!
Okay, that was a really weird
thing to say, even for Terry.
I just remembered,
your dad and I
saved up all
our favorite treasures
from when we were kids
in this old lunch box.
The Tiger Twins?
- Never heard of it.
Oh, it was the best cartoon.
Two tiger brothers
sneak out of the zoo
to fight crime.
It was awesome!
This stuff's gotta be worth
a small fortune!
We could sell it
to fix the roof!
Uh, is that treasure?
'Cause it sure looks and...
...smells like junk.
Yeah, it sure seemed special
back when we were kids.
- I'm sorry. I...
- It's okay.
We'll figure something else out.
Right? Together.
Welcome back, son.
Dad!
I was worried you might have
been gone forever.
Not a chance.
I told you,
I am here for you, always.
So how'd it go
with the tree house?
Not so great,
but we stuck together,
and we made it through.
I knew you would.
There's gonna be
lots more adventures
highs and lows,
plenty of surprises,
but I'll be here to help.
I know you will.
Dad, would it be
all right
if I brought you
some soap next time?
That bad, huh?
Mm.
Man, it's good to be back.
May I please have
six more waffles?
Guys, I just Googled it.
The treasure wasn't inside
the lunch box.
It is the lunch box.
This baby's a rare collectible.
It's worth a ton of money!
Are you kidding me?
Go, Uncle Terry!
Attaboy, son!
I told you he was
due for a win.
And you were right.
It looks like you
saved the day, Terry.
I mean, you were one of
the reasons it needed saving,
but you did it.
I've got to say,
even I'm impressed.
Oh, honey, don't cry.
No, no, these are
tears of joy.
I found my Tommy Tiger
action figure
with real fake fur.
I thought I'd
lost him forever.
You guys are gonna
want to see this.
It's from your dad.
What?
What do you think it is?
I have no idea.
Well, if it's from Patrick,
could be almost anything.