The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 7 - The Iceman Bricketh - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Now.

See that?

What do you think about that...

and this pattern
for my new study?

Lo and behold!

That's beautiful.

You'll see 25
cubic feet, my dear.

We got water,

crushed ice, or
whole ice, if you like.

This is it!



This is my refrigerator.

[moaning with joy]

Now let's try and
set this bad boy up.

Oh, no... I wouldn't
do that, dear.

I wouldn't... I would not
embarrass myself... What?

In front of my
mother if I were you.

You know, Dave is
coming here tomorrow,

and he's gonna install this.

No, no... And besides,
there's plenty to do

before the
refrigerator's installed.

Like what?

Well, you could fill
out the warranty card.

And... you could
adjust those shelves.

And you could set the
dial on the lettuce crisper.



Are you trying to make
that sound exciting?

Okay, I'm telling ya...

And you, too. You're
right there with her,

Miss I-Didn't-Do-Anything.

The next time you want
something cold to drink,

don't even bother. Just reach in

and turn the tap water on.

And when you want it ice-cold,

press it to your heart.

No, no. No, no, no...

Come on, Mom. I
didn't do anything.

I wanna get to
the Design Center,

and exchange these sample books.

Hi. [Cliff] Dad!

Look at here! Look at here.
Save the greetings, son.

I've got family business,
and it isn't pretty.

Carrie, always a pleasure.

Good afternoon, Russell.

And thank you
for the Mason jars.

No time to talk
jams and jellies now.

This involves you,
too. What's the matter?

Anna just got a call from
her friend, Adele Rogers,

whose cousin Gladys
lives outside of Philadelphia.

And?

And Gladys knows a woman

named Lavinia Brickey.

Lavinia Brickey's son is
engaged to a girl from Brooklyn.

Her name is Vanessa Huxtable.

Vanessa's engaged?

That's an outrage.

Stop lying, Cliff!

We know.

You knew?

Well, who is he?

But his name is Dragmus.

Dragmus Brickey.

Dabnis, Russell. Dabnis Brickey.

Oh, that's so much better. Hmm.

Now, according to Gladys,

he's a 45-year-old
maintenance man.

No. No, no, Dad. Calm down.

He's only 29 years old.

And he is the head
of maintenance

at Lincoln University.

Well, Claire, why
didn't you tell us?

We were hoping it
would all blow over.

Is she wearing a ring?

Well, sort of. Um...
She's got, uh...

It's more like a band.

Uh... and... and... and...

You know, with the human eye,

you can see the stone.

Well, how long she been
wearing this man's ring, Heathcliff?

Well, they've been
engaged for eight months,

but we've only known
about it two months.

Uh, uh. So let me get
my numbers straight.

Now, Vanessa's lied
to you for six months,

and you've been
lying to us for two.

No, we didn't lie.

We just didn't
want you to worry.

Well, I'm starting to see red,

and it's not from my
high blood pressure.

I'd like to know
what other secrets

you've been keeping from us.

Does Theo have any children?

Have either of you had
reconstructive surgery?

Well, I know I haven't.

No, there's no secrets...

Well, that's just
fine, Heathcliff.

But how do you know

secrets aren't
being kept from you?

She just hasn't been calling.

So you haven't
checked this man out!

You don't know
whether he's 29 or 45!

Dad, he's 29.

How do you know?

Have you seen
a driver's license?

Have you seen a passport?

No, I haven't seen those things.

But I am a doctor.

And I do know

that you can tell a person's age

by the size of the ears.

As you get older, your
ears get bigger, and...

Well, I don't care about ears.

But I care about
my granddaughter.

How could you
permit this to happen?

She is 18, Mother. We
didn't permit anything.

Where did it start to
slip away from you all?

Now this child is
planning to become Mrs...

Drabby Brickey!

Listen, you can find
everything out this afternoon

when Vanessa brings
Dabnis over for a visit.

Then you take these sample books

back to the store yourself.

I am going to
get a little sample

of Mr. Brickey.

[electric screwdriver whirring]

Whoa.

Whoa! What's happening?

Hey, Dad! Hey, how you feeling?

You thought I was
Mom, didn't you?

So what it you were your mother?

I'm not scared of her.

Where is Mom?

Mom went to take some
samples back to the store.

Well, Grandma and Grandpa

sure as looking forward
to meeting Dabnis.

Needless to say, they are very,

very disappointed in you.

What did you come in here for?

Well, I'm exchanging my summer
clothes for my winter things.

That's another thing. You
have your own place now.

I would appreciate it if
you'd just take all your clothes

and put 'em in the place
that's called your place.

I deliberately leave
my clothes behind

for you, as a memento
of our relationship.

Thank you, son.

Hey.

Just finished
mopping up the floor.

It was just a mess over there.

I had to mop all around.

Now, I know

that you haven't
touched that refrigerator.

I have not touched
it. No. Of course not.

The only thing I did, was

I did fix these shelves, here.

And I turned the crisper to 7,

because I like my
carrots crispy, crunchy.

And, uh... Cliff?

Vanessa just pulled up
with Dabnis. Oh, Lord, no.

Now, on his last visit,
we were not very nice,

so let's be cordial to Dabnis.

Look. I don't have a
problem with Dabnis.

Patient with Vanessa.

Now there's a person I have
a problem with. Patient with...

Hello! Hi!

How are you? Nice to see you.

Good to see you, sir.
How you doing, man?

Hey, Dad! Oh, my
favorite daughter.

Nice to see you
again. Yes. All right.

Mom, it's really
looking great in here.

And I love this
new refrigerator.

Yeah, yeah. There's some, uh...

Excellent craftsmanship
in here, sir.

Well, I... I, uh... I do
the best I can, man.

[Vanessa] Dabnis is a
bit of a craftsman himself.

Mm. He had you
guys a mincemeat pie.

Well, I'm sure that
we'll all enjoy this.

Dabnis, make yourself at home.

Well, thank you, sir. Yeah.

[Russell] Hello, Vanessa.

You must be Dabnis. I'm
Mrs. Hanks. I'm Mr. Huxtable.

How do you do, sir?

Fine. Thank you,
sir. Right this way.

Grandma! Vanessa.

I know who you are.

I don't know who he is.

Now you go freshen up. But...

I'm Mr. Huxtable,
father of Cliff.

How do you do? And I'm
Mrs. Hanks, mother of Clair.

How do you do? I'm Dabnis,
son of Lavinia and Randall Brickey.

Please sit down.

We understand that
your family attends

the Cornerstone Baptist Church.

Yes, sir. They do.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

My wife's friend's cousin
is a member of the church.

So are you in the choir?

No, ma'am. But I
certainly do sing along.

Mm-hm. Uh-huh.

Understand you're an Army man.

Yes, sir. I served
for six years.

You work at the college?

Uh, yes, ma'am.

I've been head of
maintenance for four years.

And in that time, how
many students at the college

have you been engaged to?

Before Vanessa? Zero!

Well, how many
students did you court?

Not any. None.

You didn't court
my granddaughter?

No, sir. I mean, yes, sir!

I thought you meant
before Vanessa.

I'm still courting
your granddaughter.

I want you both to know
that I am very much in l...

Just answer the
questions, please.

Yes, ma'am.

Now, do you make a good living

as a head of maintenance?

I do fine. Fine? What's fine?

I manage a crew of ten people.

I oversee everything
from landscaping

to building maintenance.

I own my own home.

I feel ready to accept
the responsibility

of a wife and family.

So you don't want
your wife to work.

You expect to be
the breadwinner.

No, no. Now, 'Nessa
can earn bread, too, now.

So now you expect my
granddaughter to support you.

No, sir! We... We will
support each other,

like, financially
and emotionally...

Is it a little warm
in here to you?

I'm comfortable.
Russell? It's pleasant.

Now let me get the
numbers straight.

Now, you've been doing
maintenance for four years.

You were in the Army for six.

What were you doing before that?

I was in high school, sir.

Oh, come now, Mr. Brickey.

We're all a little sensitive
about age. I know I am.

But according to our sources,
you're 45 if you're a day.

What?

Now, it's nothing
to be ashamed of.

Gladys Rogers didn't
mean to disparage you.

Gladys Rogers?

You mean Grapevine Gladys?

Now, Dabnis, you're talking
about a dear friend, once removed.

Now, now, now, Mr. Huxtable...

I don't intend any disrespect,

but in our church, we
don't print a Sunday bulletin.

We got Gladys Rogers.

Now, she... she's a fine woman,

but she's forever getting me

and my older brother
Dennis mixed up.

You've got a
45-year-old brother.

Yes, sir!

I'm 29. I'm the
baby of our family.

Well, that certainly
clears up the age mystery.

Well, I'm glad, 'cause
I wouldn't want you

to be misinformed
about anything.

Now about your medical history.

Now, have you ever had measles,

the mumps, the chicken pox...

Maybe I should go in there.

No, I think Dragnet is
doing just fine by himself.

And besides, we haven't
had a chance to talk

since your last visit,
two months ago.

I know that Dabnis
has been making raisins.

What have you been doing?

Well, you know, Ma,
I've been very busy.

I have papers, studying,
picking my major...

Being engaged.

Well, that, too.

I've been swamped.

Yeah, but, um...

You used to call
us. Collect. A lot.

Well, I know.

It's just that I've been trying

to be more responsible
and less frivolous

with your money.

Besides, our last visit
wasn't the most relaxed one,

so I just thought
I'd let things cool off.

Well, see, if you had called
within the past two months,

you would have found out
that things have cooled off.

What do you mean?

You don't object to
my marrying Dabnis?

Well, what are we
gonna do about it, dear?

I mean, we can't throw you
down and wrestle that, uh...

Ring off of your finger.

You, you... you're on your own.

Very funny, Mom and Dad.

I know what you guys
are really thinking.

What are we thinking, Vanessa?

Come on, here!

That man is 29
years old, and I am 18.

I have never had an
experience with another man,

and you guys don't think
I know what I'm doing!

That I'm gonna quit school
and start having babies.

That I have no idea what
married life is all about.

Well, I know it's not
all fun and adventure.

And I know that marriage
could be a flume ride,

spiraling down into death,
loneliness, and old age.

But I also know
the dark side of love.

And I am willing to
face that dark side,

as long as Dabnis is by my side.

Are we patient or what?

And are you by my side?

Yes.

But it's getting
mighty dark in here.

Hey, are you all right?

No! Let's just take
our pie and go!

What happened?

Vanessa? You know I love you.

And you know I think you
have an interesting family.

But those people are
the most aggressive

bunch of churchgoers
I've ever seen!

I'm sorry, all right?

My grandparents
aren't normally like that.

Look, 'Nessa. I don't get it.

People normally like me.

Do you know I was voted "Most
Congenial" in my high school class?

I shoulda told
them that! No, no!

No, no, no, no, no.
It's not you, okay?

It's just our engagement.

It struck a nerve
with everybody.

Yeah, yeah. I guess so.

Calm down. Have a seat. Okay.

Now, listen to me, all right?

In a little while... Yeah?

We'll be on the road,
on our way back. Okay?

Yeah. Okay.

I should be able
to drive by then.

Now I'm gonna take
that Lincoln sweatshirt

we brought up to Rudy.

Do you wanna come with me? No.

I just wanna sit here quietly,

and, and... and just
get myself together.

[deep sigh]

What did I do with that manual?

Oh. Oh.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. [rattling tools]

Now... let's see here.

Step 1.

Step 1.

Turn off the cold
water valve. Hmm?

Turn off the cold water valve.

Step one.

Turn off the cold water valve.

All rightee!

No, not up there.
Under the sink.

Under the sink?

Well, that's what
I was going to do.

I turn this off, see,
and then get up

under the sink,
like this, you see.

And...

Off! Ha!

All right! Now
let's see... here.

Step two.

Loosen the speedy nut

from the speedy valve.

Speedy nut!

On the speedy... valve!

Uh, where's the picture?

Speedy is that long tube there,

running from the valve to
the underside of the, uh, sink.

Yeah!

Yeah, but it...
Well, you see, see,

we used to call this the tubing.

Well, I'm finding
out that all families

have their little quirks.

Let's see.

Turn the light on. Step 1 1/2.

Dr. Huxtable. If I were you...

I'd use an adjustable
C-wrench in there.

Well, that's what
I'm going to do.

I'm going to... Can't hear you.

Woop! Huh?

C-wrench. Yes, sir.

Right. Use it all the time.

It's kinda...

I have a little trouble
with the space in here.

Adjust your horizontal torque

to your vertical torque.

Accentuate your vertical.

There you go!

[Cliff] There ya go! All right!

Now you're ready to install
yourself a compression T.

That's what it is. Yes, sir.

I'll tell you what.

What's that, sir?

Downstairs, in the cellar,

I got a suede belt
just like this one.

Oh, yeah? Suede.

I go down there, get that
belt, and bring it up? Okay.

You put it on. Yes, sir.

We tear this thing
apart. Yes, sir!

Well, give me a hand. Okay.

Give me a hand? That's
what we're gonna do.

Okay. All right.

Hey! Theo! Yo! Vanessa!

Hey, what's up? How you doin'?

Where's Dabnis? Oh...

He's downstairs, recuperating.

Ah, Mom and Dad
got to him again?

No. This time, they
sent for reinforcements.

Grandma and Grandpa.

Well, Vanessa, you gotta admit,

this whole thing is kinda weird.

It's not that weird.

Come on. You leave
home when you're only 17.

Some guy fixes your elevator.

Six months later, you
got his ring on your finger.

Well, it sounds kind
of romantic to me.

Well, maybe that's
the weird part.

You're my little sister.

I can't picture
you being married.

I mean, I can't even
picture you kissing that guy!

That cracks me up!

Theo, for a senior at NYU,

you are sounding
awfully immature.

Now I may be your little sister,

but I am also a woman now.

And as for kissing,
Dabnis has no complaints.

Vanessa, please.

Let's not go down that road.

That is the road I am on

because I'm getting married!

All right. Well... Let
me ask you a question.

Do you really love this guy?

Yes. I really do.

Whatever happens,
I got your back.

All right? I'm there for you.

Well, thank you, Theo.

But please do me a favor. Yeah?

At the wedding ceremony,

just skip the part about
kissing the bride, all right?

[Cliff] All right! Ice!

Ha ha ha ha!

To a job well done.

Hear, hear! All right.

To you all! Mm-mm-mm.

Take that belt. Yes, sir.

I'm gonna put the
initials D.B. on it.

Thank you, M.D. And
this belt... thank you!

This belt... this belt will be
here, every time you come.

Now, before you two
ride off into the sunset,

there's another job to be done.

Ohhh!

Now you have more
confidence in me!

With D.B. by your side, I
have all the confidence in you.

There is a front door that
is swelled up, and it jams.

I think it needs to be shaved.

How are you on hinges, D.B.?

You got a hammer
and a screwdriver?

Sweetheart?

Hey, baby. I can't
talk right now.

I got a catch to plane.

On the level.

See you later, Dabnis!

Bye-bye! Your pie is terrific!

Well, did I miss something?

No, what's the matter, Vanessa?

That's a very decent
gentleman you brought home.

It's a shame you didn't bring
him into our lives sooner.

This whole house could
have been fixed by now,

from top to bottom. Yes.

So let me get this straight.

You guys are accepting Dabnis?

Well, now that you've
given us the chance.

[Russell] Vanessa,
if you get married,

do us a favor and let
us all be a part of it?

I will!

I definitely will!

Have you set a
date yet, Vanessa?

Haven't narrowed it down yet.

Well, that's something you
and Dabnis will have to decide.

Well, Dabnis is ready
to get married any time.

But with all the commotion
with the engagement,

I had to defer my plans.

Well, defer no more.

Fine.

I could get married in June.

Ooo! The traditional month.

Or May.

That's right. Why
not move it up?

Springtime! Uh-huh.

Or I may wait until next fall.

Oh, fall weddings are so nice.

The air is so crisp.

Or maybe I'll wait
until I graduate?

Then we're back to June.

From cap and gown
to wedding gown.

You know, I might wanna
go to grad school first.

There's no rush!

♪♪ [theme]

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