The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 5 - Warning: A Double-Lit Candle Can Cause a Meltdown - full transcript
Rudy wants to see a rapper that is performing at a club for older teens. Rudy and her friends lie to their parents in order to get out that evening. When Cliff & Clair find out, they ask Pam to go to the club to keep an eye on Rudy.
♪♪ [theme]
Now what are you doing?
Nothing.
You're playing the word...
The scramble game, aren't you?
Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
Okay.
Well, I think maybe you am.
Why don't you let me play?
No, that's quite
all right, dear.
No, come on, this is...
No, because you
always spoil it for me.
But you got an empty
space there, let me try it.
Okay, okay, okay.
Thank you.
The letters are E-L-X-E-F-R.
E-L-X-E-F-R.
Make a real word, Cliff.
F-E-L-X-E-R.
A felxer. A felxer.
Felxer.
See, when you go
to the pharmacy,
and they have a soda fountain.
You have a lot of
acid or something,
and you want to get rid of it.
You ask for a glass of felxer.
Which is... See,
it's really soda,
but it's got twice the fizz.
No, no, no, wait.
Okay, if you don't like that...
No, felxer's fine.
No, no. If you don't like that,
okay, how about this?
Okay, let's see.
How about, um, E-E-L-F-X-R.
E-E-L-F-X-R.
Now that would
be an eel... eel fixer.
See, you bring...
Shut up, Cliff.
No, no. Okay, I got another one.
No, that's all right.
I've got my choices,
honey, that's fine.
Okay. [doorbell rings]
[crackling]
How about bell fixing?
I'm trying. I'm trying.
I'm trying to fix that up.
Oh, no, look at this.
Well, well.
Mademoiselle Danielle,
and Crepe Suzie.
[both] Hi, Dr. Huxtable.
Rudy?
Danielle and Susan are here.
Hey, you guys, come on in.
Mom, Dad, we're going to
be in the kitchen for a while,
so we need our privacy, okay?
Listen, if you want,
your mother and I can go
outside and sit in the car.
All right, Dad, whatever.
[Cliff] Yeah, uh, Rudy?
Can I see you for
a minute, please?
All right.
Yeah, I just want a kiss.
Dad, I'm not going anywhere.
But I just need a little kiss.
Thank you, because
I'm going to miss you.
Cliff, you're bleeding.
Yes, you have
some very sharp lips.
Dad, it's not even
lipstick, it's just a litt...
A little lip balm.
So that my lips
won't... Get chapped.
Dad, everyone in the...
[both] Everyone in the
world wears make-up.
But... [both] It's true.
Now just take
that and wipe it off.
No, no, no. No. Wipe it off.
Daddy, I wiped it.
No... Okay! I'm
wiping it. I'm wiping it.
Okay.
Now for that kissable look.
Poo. Poo.
Thanks.
[gasp] Oh, my gosh!
What?
J.T. Freeze.
Our J.T. Freeze.
Does he have a new rap song out?
No, but he's got a new haircut.
[sighing]
Rudy, did you ask your parents
about The Exchange club?
Not yet. Why not?
My parents would never let me
go to a 16-year-old dance club,
even if their future
son-in-law J.T. Freeze is there.
But you've got to.
You could be the lucky winner
of the Happy Birthday
dance with J.T.
Brought to you
by... [both] Ta Da!
WUVV, the station
that "wuvs" you.
Also brought to you by
Blem-Away medicated pads.
When your face
breaks out... [all] Aah!
Blem-Away kicks in!
[all] Hello!
All right, so, Rudy,
are you going to get
permission or what?
Well, what did you
tell your parents?
That I was going to a
teen Bible study group.
They believed that?
They wanted to believe it, Rudy.
Rudy, I just told my dad
that my mom said yes.
She's on a meditation retreat,
so he can't check with her.
He even said he'd
drive us both ways.
Come on, Rudy, you
just have to be creative.
And, if it helps,
J.T. really likes mature,
assertive women.
Right.
X-E-L-F-E-R.
Xelfer.
See, the X takes on a Z sound.
Xelfer.
Xelfer is a military
base in Mexico.
I'm surprised that the Pentagon
has allowed this
kind of information
to be included in a word game.
The word is reflex, darling.
It was reflex 45 minutes ago,
and it's reflex now.
Okay, if that's the one
you want to put down.
You're fine.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Hello, Rudy.
How are you doing?
Fine. Uh-huh.
Susan and Danielle are going
to a real special
event tomorrow night,
and they invited me to come.
Oh?
It's a place in the Village,
on 14th Street off Union Square.
It's called The Exchange.
The Cultural Exchange!
It's a teen Bible club.
There's going to be a...
A guest speaker
from a retreat there.
Just to help me clarify.
What is this place?
It's a place where people come
from many lands
to exchange culture.
You know, culture like
the museums and opera.
And the Bible, too?
Naturally.
And Susan's father would
be driving us both ways.
Well, it sounds like
everything's on the up and up.
How about you, Clair?
It sounds okay to me.
It does?
Mm-hmm.
Listen, I'm pretty sure you're
going to get a yes on this,
but just give us a little
bit of time to think it over.
[Rudy] Okay. Okay?
All right, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Nice talking to you.
[doorbell rings, crackles]
I'm tired, honey.
Please, I'm so tired,
I'm too tired to
answer the doorbell.
Would you, please?
You're too tired to fix it, too.
I know. I've been
doing all right.
You're too tired. [laughing]
Lance!
Good evening, Mrs.
Huxtable. Dr. Huxtable.
Hey, what do you say?
Pam! Charmaine!
[Pam] Yes, sir?
Smooth Groove is here!
All right.
Hey, you got a
new doorbell, huh?
Some of that jazz
fusion happening.
Have a sit-down. I want
to ask you a question.
Um, do you know of a club
called the Cultural
Exchange Club?
No, I know a club
called The Exchange.
Rudy says it's on 14th
Street off of Union Square.
Yeah, that's the block,
but that's The Exchange.
Well, does it have
anything to do with culture?
No. The museum?
No. Opera?
No. Bible study?
[scoffs] Bible, no, no.
Well, what is The Exchange Club?
It's just this whack
club... A what?
It's whack, that means
it's like ridiculous.
It's this little
old nothing club
where you're supposed
to be 16 to get in.
But the little junior
high school kids,
they dress up,
try to look older,
you know, and
they let them in, too!
But, you know, I
mean, basically,
they're just good kids.
They're trying to sneak
out on their parents,
and they just... Oh!
I ain't in this.
Well, you are now.
Hi, Lance!
Come on, let's go.
I hate to miss the
opening credits.
Oh, wait a minute, y'all.
Your little cousin is about
to socially self-destruct.
What?
Rudy is going to The Exchange.
[both] Oh, no!
When?
No, now you don't
have to talk loud about it.
She's going there tomorrow.
Uh-uh, I can't let this
happen to my cousin.
Now, let me ask you,
is there... this is a club.
Is there any alcohol there?
No!
It's just, um...
A bunch of lame old-head
dudes that hang out there.
Old-heads?
You know, dudes
pushing, what, 19, 20?
I mean, these
guys hang out there
because they can't
swing with their own peers.
They prefer the
challenge of 13-year-olds.
Well, let me ask
you all a question.
Is it possible that you
all could take tomorrow
and go down to the club
and do a little
surveillance work for us?
Yes, sir. I'm
there. Count me in.
Well, we would be more than
happy to cover your expenses.
Oh, no, no! That's
okay, Mrs. Huxtable.
I mean, just knowing we
helping you out, that's enough.
That's very true.
However, what with
the cost of admissions,
uh, disguises,
surveillance beverages,
and cab fare,
the evening could
become quite prohibitive.
So what kind of disguises
do you plan to use?
Well, disguises so we won't
be recognized as old-heads.
I don't want nobody to
mistake me for a bird of prey.
I accept what you're saying,
and what Mrs. Huxtable
and I would love to do is, uh,
We would love to treat you
to a sort of a
pre-surveillance dinner.
All right.
Yeah, keep our energy up.
And may I suggest
a little post-surveillance
debriefing dessert?
Okay.
We will cover that.
And I do want you to
know, Lance, Sir Lance,
that no matter what
this evening costs us,
Mrs. Huxtable and I will
always be in debt to you.
Dr. Huxtable, you have no idea.
Good night.
What if they ask for I.D.?
They won't ask for I.D.
as long as we look 16.
How do I look. Do I look 16?
You guys, please calm
down. You're stressing me out.
I'm gonna break out.
It's a good thing we have
our complimentary
Blem-Away travel kits.
Look! There's Rudy.
Ssh!
Keep back!
You don't want
her to recognize us.
Man, it's hot under here.
But, Lance, you're the one
who picked out
that stupid disguise,
a simple hat would
have been enough.
No way, baby, I'm not
taking any chances tonight.
Stop calling me Lance,
my name is Trevor.
Ooh, J.T. Freeze
is gonna be here
to tighten up all 12-year-olds.
I could skip that.
All right, here's the game plan.
If the young
ladies are split up,
I suggest we go man-to-man.
If anybody is to hit on them,
Charmaine, you're
the power forward.
I want you to set a pick.
I'm gonna move baseline
with my guy and post him up.
Pam, I want you to back door
the junior varsities, all right?
Lance, you aren't giving
us your old basketball plays?
Baby, basketball
plays are life's plays.
Now break.
[all] Huh!
How do I look? How do I look?
You look good.
Oh! Good evening.
Hold on to your
ticket stubs, ladies.
You could have
the winning number
for the Birthday
Dance with J.T. Freeze.
Oh, sor...
What can I get
you to drink, ladies?
I'm not thirsty.
Me, either.
I'm driving tonight.
We don't serve alcohol here.
Well, when did that start?
When we opened.
Charmaine, what are they up to?
They're embarrassing themselves.
What are they doing?
Standing there with
bad make-up jobs.
I've been doing all I
can to hold myself back!
Lance, get me something
nice and cool to drink.
I can't do that, baby,
these prices is whack.
They charge up to $5.00 a pop
for a cola in a plastic glass.
I can go down to the
corner store for that price
and get you a whole liter.
Well, while you're down
there, get me a snack cake, too.
Baby, I'm talking in theory!
You know I can't leave my post.
Well, Lance, do
something, I'm parched.
All right, all right, all right.
Hey, barkeep,
give me a round of
waters for everybody,
and pour one for yourself, B.
Excuse me, my fair lady,
but do you know CPR?
Why do you ask?
Because your beauty
just may stop my heart.
You have got to be kidding.
No, baby, the only thing
I got to be is by your side.
Fly, fly away.
Oh, to be a fly on
the wall of your life.
Lookie here.
I asked you to go away.
Ill go away.
But the memory of you
shall linger in my soul forever.
Excuse me, my fair lady,
but do you know CPR?
[gasping]
Look! There he is! There he is!
[girls] Look, let's get him!
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Guys, guys, you
have to calm down.
Remember he likes
mature, assertive women.
Not like those girls.
Look at them,
they're mauling him!
That's so déclassé.
Let's go over!
No, no, no, no! Let him find us.
Mm, excuse me, my fair ladies!
Have I just won a triple
crown of beauty or what?
[all] What?
I said you're once, twice,
three times the ladies.
Shall we throw
caution into the wind
and dare ourselves to dance?
What? What?
Do y'all want to dance?
Well, which one of us?
Baby, I don't care.
We all dance together.
Right.
We come as a package deal.
Mm, three fine mice.
Let's see how they dance.
Lance, what are they doing?
They're dancing
with that CPR fool.
At least it look like dancing.
Charmaine, what's
your diagnosis?
Oh, I called the
bet on that hound.
Oh, um, excuse me.
No problem. Mine.
Yo, yo, Cinder-lovlies,
I'm over here!
[Jamaican accent]
Excuse me, mon.
But I couldn't help
noticing your dance steps.
You give lessons?
Yo, I could show you later.
Right now, man, I
got three fish to fry.
They're too small. You
better throw them back, yo.
What are you, the Game Boy?
That's what, and
they're in my custody.
And before you try
dancin' with them three,
these two wanna cut in.
No problem, man.
Look, you keep
that side of the club,
I'll work with this side.
Excuse me!
May I have your
attention, please?
I'd like to introduce
our guest of honor,
our own homeboy,
the master of rap disaster,
the emperor of
emotion, Mr. J.T. Freeze.
[cheering]
[rapping] ♪ Hello, everybody ♪
♪ and thanks for
coming to my party ♪
♪ I appreciate your
help to celebrate ♪
♪ So I'm pulling out the ticket
with the girl of my dreams ♪
♪ Take a look at the numbers
and control your screams ♪
♪ The first is 1, and
oh, sweet heaven ♪
♪ The next is 5,
and the last is... ♪
4? I thought it was 7.
No, my brother, it's 4.
The winner is 154.
Oh! I won! I won!
J.T. Freeze! I can't believe it.
[Charmaine] Oh,
babe! We won! We won!
It's Pam.
And Charmaine.
They stole our man.
Come on, baby. Go get
him, girl. Go on, homey.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. They're
coming this way! They're coming this way!
Rudy, calm down.
Oh, my gosh.
Rudy, Danielle, Susan,
I'd like you all to
meet J.T. Freeze.
Hello.
Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday.
Haircut. Nice.
[J.T.] Thanks.
[rapping] ♪ Rudy,
Danielle, Susan so fine ♪
♪ I'll always remember
this birthday of mine ♪
Excuse me, but I think you
got a spider on your face.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's your eyelash.
Oh, no. [sobbing]
Is your friend all right?
Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday.
Waah!
Happy Birthday. I'm assertive.
Waah! Happy Birthday.
I'm assertive.
I'm telling you, I
only danced with him
because of the contest.
You know how competitive I am.
Is that why you kept yelling
"I'm Mrs. Freeze,
I'm Mrs. Freeze"?
What you talkin'
about, Charmaine?
Knocking over 13-year-olds
to get to the man.
Thank God you lost your grip
on the man's hood ornament,
or the limo driver
would've ran you over.
Oh, no. I was just
checking his tire pressure.
Um, Rudy, there's
a note here that says
there's an important
message for you
on the answering machine.
[chuckles] Hoo!
Hope it's none of my friends
asking how tonight went.
[clicks button]
Rudy, this is your father.
I'm going to bed,
but before I do...
[Clair] Tell her
I'm tired, Cliff.
I'm tired of 13-year-olds.
[Cliff] Well, your
mother's tired, Rudy.
And I'm tired.
And what you did is tired.
But we understand your
desire to be with older people.
In fact, we feel you should
spend more time
with older people.
So you and your friends
will spend every Saturday
for the next six
months volunteering
at the Ellen P. Barto
Retirement Home.
What?
[Cliff] Good night, Rudy.
Charmaine, you took
the man's wristwatch?
Well, it fell off
on his way out.
I was there, Charmaine.
He flung it at you
to save his arm.
Look, I'll send it
back to him tomorrow.
No, that's all right.
I live closer to
the post office.
I'll send it back
to him tomorrow.
No, I will give it
back to him tonight,
'cause J.T.'s bodyguard told me
they was gonna be
lamping at the Palomino.
The Palomino?
Yippee-ki-ay! Let's ride!
My fair ladies!
♪♪ [theme]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
Now what are you doing?
Nothing.
You're playing the word...
The scramble game, aren't you?
Maybe I am, maybe I'm not.
Okay.
Well, I think maybe you am.
Why don't you let me play?
No, that's quite
all right, dear.
No, come on, this is...
No, because you
always spoil it for me.
But you got an empty
space there, let me try it.
Okay, okay, okay.
Thank you.
The letters are E-L-X-E-F-R.
E-L-X-E-F-R.
Make a real word, Cliff.
F-E-L-X-E-R.
A felxer. A felxer.
Felxer.
See, when you go
to the pharmacy,
and they have a soda fountain.
You have a lot of
acid or something,
and you want to get rid of it.
You ask for a glass of felxer.
Which is... See,
it's really soda,
but it's got twice the fizz.
No, no, no, wait.
Okay, if you don't like that...
No, felxer's fine.
No, no. If you don't like that,
okay, how about this?
Okay, let's see.
How about, um, E-E-L-F-X-R.
E-E-L-F-X-R.
Now that would
be an eel... eel fixer.
See, you bring...
Shut up, Cliff.
No, no. Okay, I got another one.
No, that's all right.
I've got my choices,
honey, that's fine.
Okay. [doorbell rings]
[crackling]
How about bell fixing?
I'm trying. I'm trying.
I'm trying to fix that up.
Oh, no, look at this.
Well, well.
Mademoiselle Danielle,
and Crepe Suzie.
[both] Hi, Dr. Huxtable.
Rudy?
Danielle and Susan are here.
Hey, you guys, come on in.
Mom, Dad, we're going to
be in the kitchen for a while,
so we need our privacy, okay?
Listen, if you want,
your mother and I can go
outside and sit in the car.
All right, Dad, whatever.
[Cliff] Yeah, uh, Rudy?
Can I see you for
a minute, please?
All right.
Yeah, I just want a kiss.
Dad, I'm not going anywhere.
But I just need a little kiss.
Thank you, because
I'm going to miss you.
Cliff, you're bleeding.
Yes, you have
some very sharp lips.
Dad, it's not even
lipstick, it's just a litt...
A little lip balm.
So that my lips
won't... Get chapped.
Dad, everyone in the...
[both] Everyone in the
world wears make-up.
But... [both] It's true.
Now just take
that and wipe it off.
No, no, no. No. Wipe it off.
Daddy, I wiped it.
No... Okay! I'm
wiping it. I'm wiping it.
Okay.
Now for that kissable look.
Poo. Poo.
Thanks.
[gasp] Oh, my gosh!
What?
J.T. Freeze.
Our J.T. Freeze.
Does he have a new rap song out?
No, but he's got a new haircut.
[sighing]
Rudy, did you ask your parents
about The Exchange club?
Not yet. Why not?
My parents would never let me
go to a 16-year-old dance club,
even if their future
son-in-law J.T. Freeze is there.
But you've got to.
You could be the lucky winner
of the Happy Birthday
dance with J.T.
Brought to you
by... [both] Ta Da!
WUVV, the station
that "wuvs" you.
Also brought to you by
Blem-Away medicated pads.
When your face
breaks out... [all] Aah!
Blem-Away kicks in!
[all] Hello!
All right, so, Rudy,
are you going to get
permission or what?
Well, what did you
tell your parents?
That I was going to a
teen Bible study group.
They believed that?
They wanted to believe it, Rudy.
Rudy, I just told my dad
that my mom said yes.
She's on a meditation retreat,
so he can't check with her.
He even said he'd
drive us both ways.
Come on, Rudy, you
just have to be creative.
And, if it helps,
J.T. really likes mature,
assertive women.
Right.
X-E-L-F-E-R.
Xelfer.
See, the X takes on a Z sound.
Xelfer.
Xelfer is a military
base in Mexico.
I'm surprised that the Pentagon
has allowed this
kind of information
to be included in a word game.
The word is reflex, darling.
It was reflex 45 minutes ago,
and it's reflex now.
Okay, if that's the one
you want to put down.
You're fine.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Hello, Rudy.
How are you doing?
Fine. Uh-huh.
Susan and Danielle are going
to a real special
event tomorrow night,
and they invited me to come.
Oh?
It's a place in the Village,
on 14th Street off Union Square.
It's called The Exchange.
The Cultural Exchange!
It's a teen Bible club.
There's going to be a...
A guest speaker
from a retreat there.
Just to help me clarify.
What is this place?
It's a place where people come
from many lands
to exchange culture.
You know, culture like
the museums and opera.
And the Bible, too?
Naturally.
And Susan's father would
be driving us both ways.
Well, it sounds like
everything's on the up and up.
How about you, Clair?
It sounds okay to me.
It does?
Mm-hmm.
Listen, I'm pretty sure you're
going to get a yes on this,
but just give us a little
bit of time to think it over.
[Rudy] Okay. Okay?
All right, thank you.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Nice talking to you.
[doorbell rings, crackles]
I'm tired, honey.
Please, I'm so tired,
I'm too tired to
answer the doorbell.
Would you, please?
You're too tired to fix it, too.
I know. I've been
doing all right.
You're too tired. [laughing]
Lance!
Good evening, Mrs.
Huxtable. Dr. Huxtable.
Hey, what do you say?
Pam! Charmaine!
[Pam] Yes, sir?
Smooth Groove is here!
All right.
Hey, you got a
new doorbell, huh?
Some of that jazz
fusion happening.
Have a sit-down. I want
to ask you a question.
Um, do you know of a club
called the Cultural
Exchange Club?
No, I know a club
called The Exchange.
Rudy says it's on 14th
Street off of Union Square.
Yeah, that's the block,
but that's The Exchange.
Well, does it have
anything to do with culture?
No. The museum?
No. Opera?
No. Bible study?
[scoffs] Bible, no, no.
Well, what is The Exchange Club?
It's just this whack
club... A what?
It's whack, that means
it's like ridiculous.
It's this little
old nothing club
where you're supposed
to be 16 to get in.
But the little junior
high school kids,
they dress up,
try to look older,
you know, and
they let them in, too!
But, you know, I
mean, basically,
they're just good kids.
They're trying to sneak
out on their parents,
and they just... Oh!
I ain't in this.
Well, you are now.
Hi, Lance!
Come on, let's go.
I hate to miss the
opening credits.
Oh, wait a minute, y'all.
Your little cousin is about
to socially self-destruct.
What?
Rudy is going to The Exchange.
[both] Oh, no!
When?
No, now you don't
have to talk loud about it.
She's going there tomorrow.
Uh-uh, I can't let this
happen to my cousin.
Now, let me ask you,
is there... this is a club.
Is there any alcohol there?
No!
It's just, um...
A bunch of lame old-head
dudes that hang out there.
Old-heads?
You know, dudes
pushing, what, 19, 20?
I mean, these
guys hang out there
because they can't
swing with their own peers.
They prefer the
challenge of 13-year-olds.
Well, let me ask
you all a question.
Is it possible that you
all could take tomorrow
and go down to the club
and do a little
surveillance work for us?
Yes, sir. I'm
there. Count me in.
Well, we would be more than
happy to cover your expenses.
Oh, no, no! That's
okay, Mrs. Huxtable.
I mean, just knowing we
helping you out, that's enough.
That's very true.
However, what with
the cost of admissions,
uh, disguises,
surveillance beverages,
and cab fare,
the evening could
become quite prohibitive.
So what kind of disguises
do you plan to use?
Well, disguises so we won't
be recognized as old-heads.
I don't want nobody to
mistake me for a bird of prey.
I accept what you're saying,
and what Mrs. Huxtable
and I would love to do is, uh,
We would love to treat you
to a sort of a
pre-surveillance dinner.
All right.
Yeah, keep our energy up.
And may I suggest
a little post-surveillance
debriefing dessert?
Okay.
We will cover that.
And I do want you to
know, Lance, Sir Lance,
that no matter what
this evening costs us,
Mrs. Huxtable and I will
always be in debt to you.
Dr. Huxtable, you have no idea.
Good night.
What if they ask for I.D.?
They won't ask for I.D.
as long as we look 16.
How do I look. Do I look 16?
You guys, please calm
down. You're stressing me out.
I'm gonna break out.
It's a good thing we have
our complimentary
Blem-Away travel kits.
Look! There's Rudy.
Ssh!
Keep back!
You don't want
her to recognize us.
Man, it's hot under here.
But, Lance, you're the one
who picked out
that stupid disguise,
a simple hat would
have been enough.
No way, baby, I'm not
taking any chances tonight.
Stop calling me Lance,
my name is Trevor.
Ooh, J.T. Freeze
is gonna be here
to tighten up all 12-year-olds.
I could skip that.
All right, here's the game plan.
If the young
ladies are split up,
I suggest we go man-to-man.
If anybody is to hit on them,
Charmaine, you're
the power forward.
I want you to set a pick.
I'm gonna move baseline
with my guy and post him up.
Pam, I want you to back door
the junior varsities, all right?
Lance, you aren't giving
us your old basketball plays?
Baby, basketball
plays are life's plays.
Now break.
[all] Huh!
How do I look? How do I look?
You look good.
Oh! Good evening.
Hold on to your
ticket stubs, ladies.
You could have
the winning number
for the Birthday
Dance with J.T. Freeze.
Oh, sor...
What can I get
you to drink, ladies?
I'm not thirsty.
Me, either.
I'm driving tonight.
We don't serve alcohol here.
Well, when did that start?
When we opened.
Charmaine, what are they up to?
They're embarrassing themselves.
What are they doing?
Standing there with
bad make-up jobs.
I've been doing all I
can to hold myself back!
Lance, get me something
nice and cool to drink.
I can't do that, baby,
these prices is whack.
They charge up to $5.00 a pop
for a cola in a plastic glass.
I can go down to the
corner store for that price
and get you a whole liter.
Well, while you're down
there, get me a snack cake, too.
Baby, I'm talking in theory!
You know I can't leave my post.
Well, Lance, do
something, I'm parched.
All right, all right, all right.
Hey, barkeep,
give me a round of
waters for everybody,
and pour one for yourself, B.
Excuse me, my fair lady,
but do you know CPR?
Why do you ask?
Because your beauty
just may stop my heart.
You have got to be kidding.
No, baby, the only thing
I got to be is by your side.
Fly, fly away.
Oh, to be a fly on
the wall of your life.
Lookie here.
I asked you to go away.
Ill go away.
But the memory of you
shall linger in my soul forever.
Excuse me, my fair lady,
but do you know CPR?
[gasping]
Look! There he is! There he is!
[girls] Look, let's get him!
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Guys, guys, you
have to calm down.
Remember he likes
mature, assertive women.
Not like those girls.
Look at them,
they're mauling him!
That's so déclassé.
Let's go over!
No, no, no, no! Let him find us.
Mm, excuse me, my fair ladies!
Have I just won a triple
crown of beauty or what?
[all] What?
I said you're once, twice,
three times the ladies.
Shall we throw
caution into the wind
and dare ourselves to dance?
What? What?
Do y'all want to dance?
Well, which one of us?
Baby, I don't care.
We all dance together.
Right.
We come as a package deal.
Mm, three fine mice.
Let's see how they dance.
Lance, what are they doing?
They're dancing
with that CPR fool.
At least it look like dancing.
Charmaine, what's
your diagnosis?
Oh, I called the
bet on that hound.
Oh, um, excuse me.
No problem. Mine.
Yo, yo, Cinder-lovlies,
I'm over here!
[Jamaican accent]
Excuse me, mon.
But I couldn't help
noticing your dance steps.
You give lessons?
Yo, I could show you later.
Right now, man, I
got three fish to fry.
They're too small. You
better throw them back, yo.
What are you, the Game Boy?
That's what, and
they're in my custody.
And before you try
dancin' with them three,
these two wanna cut in.
No problem, man.
Look, you keep
that side of the club,
I'll work with this side.
Excuse me!
May I have your
attention, please?
I'd like to introduce
our guest of honor,
our own homeboy,
the master of rap disaster,
the emperor of
emotion, Mr. J.T. Freeze.
[cheering]
[rapping] ♪ Hello, everybody ♪
♪ and thanks for
coming to my party ♪
♪ I appreciate your
help to celebrate ♪
♪ So I'm pulling out the ticket
with the girl of my dreams ♪
♪ Take a look at the numbers
and control your screams ♪
♪ The first is 1, and
oh, sweet heaven ♪
♪ The next is 5,
and the last is... ♪
4? I thought it was 7.
No, my brother, it's 4.
The winner is 154.
Oh! I won! I won!
J.T. Freeze! I can't believe it.
[Charmaine] Oh,
babe! We won! We won!
It's Pam.
And Charmaine.
They stole our man.
Come on, baby. Go get
him, girl. Go on, homey.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. They're
coming this way! They're coming this way!
Rudy, calm down.
Oh, my gosh.
Rudy, Danielle, Susan,
I'd like you all to
meet J.T. Freeze.
Hello.
Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday.
Haircut. Nice.
[J.T.] Thanks.
[rapping] ♪ Rudy,
Danielle, Susan so fine ♪
♪ I'll always remember
this birthday of mine ♪
Excuse me, but I think you
got a spider on your face.
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's your eyelash.
Oh, no. [sobbing]
Is your friend all right?
Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday.
Waah!
Happy Birthday. I'm assertive.
Waah! Happy Birthday.
I'm assertive.
I'm telling you, I
only danced with him
because of the contest.
You know how competitive I am.
Is that why you kept yelling
"I'm Mrs. Freeze,
I'm Mrs. Freeze"?
What you talkin'
about, Charmaine?
Knocking over 13-year-olds
to get to the man.
Thank God you lost your grip
on the man's hood ornament,
or the limo driver
would've ran you over.
Oh, no. I was just
checking his tire pressure.
Um, Rudy, there's
a note here that says
there's an important
message for you
on the answering machine.
[chuckles] Hoo!
Hope it's none of my friends
asking how tonight went.
[clicks button]
Rudy, this is your father.
I'm going to bed,
but before I do...
[Clair] Tell her
I'm tired, Cliff.
I'm tired of 13-year-olds.
[Cliff] Well, your
mother's tired, Rudy.
And I'm tired.
And what you did is tired.
But we understand your
desire to be with older people.
In fact, we feel you should
spend more time
with older people.
So you and your friends
will spend every Saturday
for the next six
months volunteering
at the Ellen P. Barto
Retirement Home.
What?
[Cliff] Good night, Rudy.
Charmaine, you took
the man's wristwatch?
Well, it fell off
on his way out.
I was there, Charmaine.
He flung it at you
to save his arm.
Look, I'll send it
back to him tomorrow.
No, that's all right.
I live closer to
the post office.
I'll send it back
to him tomorrow.
No, I will give it
back to him tonight,
'cause J.T.'s bodyguard told me
they was gonna be
lamping at the Palomino.
The Palomino?
Yippee-ki-ay! Let's ride!
My fair ladies!
♪♪ [theme]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA