The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 20 - Clair's Reunion - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Okay, I'll cut it,

and you get to pick
which half you want.

Yummy!

Ah! Hey! Hey! Hey! No, no, no.

What are you
doing with the knife?

It's just a butter knife.

We're cutting the fudgy log.

Oh.

Fudgy log.

Winnie brought it
over as sleepover treat.



Yeah, we're sharing.

Yes. Yes.

Yes, sharing. So... So
we'll cut it into threes.

Three?

Yeah, three. Three.

You cut it in threes because...

I mean, we'll all
sleeping over, aren't we?

Threes.

I knew we should
have done this upstairs.

Now, don't forget. When I
finish cutting this into threes,

you guys take this upstairs

because Grandma is having
company over, all right?

That's right. She's inviting
her old college friends over.

We better get out of here.



All right.

Oh. Hey!

Hi, Dad. How are you?

And Dab... Uh...
this is Baathie Ndiaie.

Um, Baathie, permettez-moi de
vous presenter mon père Dr. Huxtable.

He's not rude, Dad.

He speaks French, but he
doesn't speak much English.

Baathie Ndiaie is an
exchange student from Senegal.

I'm showing him around
New York this weekend.

Uh, well, let me just drop
these bags off in Rudy's room.

Excuse-moi, Baathie.

Uh, will you have a sit-down?

So, uh, you, uh...
you are a friend of, uh,

of my... of Vanessa's?

Vanessa.

Quoi?

Uh, ¿Cómo se dice...

My... My... My daughter...

um, has you for a friend,

and you have come to my home.

I welcome you here.

However, she had a fiancé,

and his name was Dabnis.

Excusez-moi?

And do you know she was engaged,

and her fiancé's
name was Dabnis,

and I liked him?

And I want to know who you are.

Excusez-moi?

Where are your bags?

Because you're not staying here.

Hello.

Ah, dear, I want you to meet...

This is Vanessa's friend.

She brought him
here for the weekend.

He speaks no English.

This is Mr. Bok Choy.

Baathie.

[both] Baathie.

Very nice to meet you. Yes.

Hi, Mom.

Hi.

Well, Mom, Dad... Right.

We're leaving. Yes, you are.

And have a nice time.

Qu'est-ce que c'est Vanessa?

Clair, what's the first order
of business on the agenda?

Well, as we all know,

Professor Kapel of
Hillman is retiring,

and our chapter of
the alumni association

has been asked to organize
the farewell banquet.

Well, let's get on with it

because I have quite a
few things to say about

[sophisticated voice]
Professor Kapel.

We all have a few things that
we can say about Professor Kapel,

but lets hold off
until Leah gets here.

And while we're
waiting, we can have

a Hillman Class of '63 update.

Ladies, anyone with children
doing dazzling things with their lives?

Okay.

Anyone with ungrateful children

who make it their business

to drive the arrows
through your heart?

Now you're talking. I
got some news for that.

You take it first.

Yeah, I got some news.

My daughter Elaine has
decided to remain at Hillman.

What year is she in anyway?

We don't know.

What's her major?

We don't know.

How much is it costing you?

Now, that we know.

Ed and I have taken
out a second mortgage.

To pay for her tuition.

Now, am I wrong,

or did we go to
college for four years?

My son Christopher, he is
now a sophomore emeritus.

He's been there so long,
they think he's a professor.

Meanwhile, on the
home front, my son Harold

has a severe case
of "Mom, I know that."

Oh, dear. He must be 16. Right.

I tell him, "Harold, if you're
gonna pull up your grades,

you're gonna have
to..." "Mom, I know that."

And then I tell him, "If you wanna
get a job, you're gonna have to..."

"Mom, I know that."

And when I tell him.
"Harold, if you are 18,

and you are not in
college, the money stops."

He tells me, "Mom, tell
me something I don't know."

I've been there.

Now, look, Millicent,
before I go any further,

I just gotta tell you

that the kids in my school
district love your books.

And I want to thank you for
peddling your influence in my behalf.

And I have an
announcement to make.

The Children's
Literature Society

has named me
Publisher of the Year.

Stop what you're sayin',

you're sittin' here in my house.

What are you doing now, Maxine?

I'm in grad school, art history.

Go ahead, girl!

[doorbell rings, clanks]

Leah!

Hi!

Sorry I'm late, everybody

Perils of public transportation.

And I had to stop and get some
sneakers for my 13-year old.

At least I think
they're sneakers.

Honey, they're
called Air Warriors.

They got a pump,
liquid in the sole,

and an inner tube
around the ankle.

Now, I don't know
if they're sneakers

or some kind of
flotation devise.

Is your son playing
basketball now?

Jason? No.

He wears them to watch TV.

Is he wearing overalls?

Oh! Yes.

You know, my Rudy,
I just... I don't know.

I beg that girl every
day, "Honey, please,

fasten up both
sides of those things."

We went to the market last week,

and people thought she had
just brought in the produce.

The problem is we
give 'em too much.

I tell my son, "Harold, I
wouldn't pay $150 for sneakers."

Well, you know what he tells me.

[all] "Mom, I know that."

I want to smack him.

So, Clair, where were
we on the agenda?

Oh, yes. Professor
Kapel's testimonial.

Now listen to this.

I had it written down.

That's okay. I know it by heart.

Professor Jean Kapel
is one of America's

foremost philosophical minds.

She has written six books.

She was very active in
the Civil Rights Movement,

but she always had time
for her 19-yer-old students.

Boring. Nap time.

Besides, Clair, it
didn't say anything

about what the
woman is really like.

Yeah. If you wanted to
describe Professor Kapel,

first you gotta
start with the hats.

That's right! The hats!

She wore that hat every day.

That old yellow felt
thing with the wire brim.

She could shape it
in 16 different ways.

You're right. She'd
flip it to one side

and come down
looking like a pirate.

And then she'd snatch
it 'round to the front

and walk out looking
like a yellow rose.

She could work her hat. Yep.

Now what are we
supposed to say, Clair?

That Professor Kapel was one of
the hardest professors at Hillman.

She always flunked
you with a smile.

My transcripts had all As,

not even an A minus,
and she gave me a C.

She kept writing on
my paper, "Dig deeper.

An unexamined life
is not worth living."

There wasn't no deeper to get.

I remember one time when
I wanted to just get away.

I sneaked into the bell tower.

I climbed all the
way up the staircase,

and when I finally
got to the top,

I got ready to look out.

All of a sudden, I
heard, "Lovely, isn't it?"

I turn around, it
was Professor Kapel.

She was up there drawing
an arial sketch of the campus!

And she had her felt hat
turned around like a beret.

One day, Cliff and I
decided to leave campus

and go to Virginia Beach.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

I know, but we did it anyway.

So there we were.

Walking along on the
sand, holding hands,

being romantic,
having a good time.

And I look up, and who
is on the beach clamming?

Yes, she was. Professor Kapel.

And had that hat
full of steamers.

Yes, she did!

I used to dream about her.

I'd be snatchin' that
yellow hat off her head,

and underneath it
was another yellow hat.

I'd snatch that one off!

Another one.

All she kept saying while
I'm snatching the hat,

"Dig deeper.

Dig deeper."

So where are you going
tonight, Miss Tibideaux?

The circus.

I have just the right
style for that: ringlets.

Hey, get your
red-hot blankets here!

Red-hot blankets
for the sleepover.

Red-hot blankets, here you go.

Sir, please. This
is not a bedroom.

I beg your pardon. Well...

What is it?

Olivia's House of Beauty.

Oh, I... I must be
in the wrong place

because I was looking
for an apartment

with two bachelorette girls.

Well... they're not here.

But you look like you
could use a little touch-up.

Do you have an appointment?

Uh, no. No. I'm...
I'm just a guy.

I could do wonders with that.

Let me check my book.

Hmm.

We might be able to fit you in.

Well, I would love
that, if it's all right.

I'll be right back,
Miss Tibideaux.

Come over here to the sink.

To the sink? Yes.

Yes.

We need to give
you a shampoo first

to put the shine back in.

Yes. O-Okay.

I thought I'd lost it some...

[imitating water running]

Now, you tell me if
it's too hot or too cold.

Well...

I can... I can feel...

I can... I can... I
can feel the tingle.

You see...

You may want to
consider a color rinse

to get rid of this gray up here.

Yes. Uh... What?

To get rid of this gray up here.

The gray. Um...

Do you have any
baldness in your family?

Yes. Y-Yes. But, uh,
why? Is my hair getting thin?

Never mind. Oh.

Well... what... what
color do you suggest?

May I suggest light blue?

It's very popular
with people your age.

Madam Olivia, I'm waiting.

Just a little bit longer.
You'll be so happy.

Now, gonna put you in a towel.

Yes.

Would you like to
read while you wait?

Uh, yes, I would.

Here's a nice style book,

in case you want
to make a hair move.

Ah!

You must be getting tired

of that same old look.

Well, what... what would...
What do you suggest?

Ringlets.

Ringlets?

Is that what you're getting?

Oh, yes. This is for the circus.

Stunning. You... You look good.

Thank you very much.

Mmm. You're welcome. Now,

a little hairspray.

[imitates spraying sound]

And you are a dream.

But you should make
the first statement.

Magnificent.

Let me walk you to
your car, Miss Tibideaux.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

I'll be right with you, sir.

You can't rush beauty.

Oh. Hello, Madam Olivia.

I'll be right with you.

I thought I had the
6:00 appointment!

Who would've thought?

Little Rose Patterson,

the dormitory wallflower?

Not me. And there she was,

going out with a
agricultural major.

Poultry Division.

We used to call him
"Turkey Neck" Clark.

Had those little
hairs right here.

[gobbling]

Collar buttoned up
to here. What a geek.

That geek owns half
the state of Virginia.

What? No!

That's right. Two
words: Turkey loaf.

You mean it's true?

You know, it is people
like "Turkey Neck" Clark

that frighten me.

Why? [laughing] Why?

Because when my 23-year-old son

Christopher reads an article
like that in the newspaper,

he wants to go right on out

and put a down payment
on his own turkey farm.

He does not realize
the years of work

that that man put into
something like that.

Work. These kids don't see that.

I mean, all they see
is the cash rolling in.

What do they want? Money.

When do they want it? Now.

Whose do they want?

Mine. Mine. Mine.

But, ladies, we are
not without blame.

We are the ones who buy
these expensive sneakers

for people to sit up
and watch television in.

I don't think any of us
were interested in clothes.

Well, except Millicent here.

Uh, yes. It's true.

I liked to dress well.

Still do. But... I
was with you guys

at Gilliam's Five & Dime.

Ooh.

The lunch counter.

Thursday, April 25, 1963.

I was never so
scared in my life.

Do you remember
how we marched in?

Oh, yes. We were
the second shift.

We came shoulder-to-shoulder.

Tapped first shift on the back.

They turned and moved
off their stools to the left.

And then we got in on
the right and sat down.

And who was sitting at the
end of that lunch counter?

The yellow hat.

Mmm...

Shaped like Napoleon.

[laughter] Professor
Kapel under it.

The sound of those heavy feet

coming across that linoleum
floor towards us? Mm-hmm.

And we just kept
looking straight ahead.

And all of a
sudden... "Hey, girl!"

Ooh, I knew they
were right behind us.

Listen, the next
thing I heard was

"You look downright
thirsty, girlie."

And they poured Coke in my lap.

They really got
you good, Millicent.

Ooh, I thought you
were gonna lose it.

They sure did.

Now, what did they say?

"You ain't gettin'
nothin' to eat."

Then they picked
up this ketchup bottle,

and they shook it in my face.

Then they said, "How
about some ketchup?"

And they poured that
stuff all over my dress.

I was so glad

that that was just ketchup
running down my dress.

And you almost broke.

Yeah. But I looked over
there and saw Yellow Hat

sitting straight up, straight
as a board, eyes dead ahead.

She didn't even
look at me. She said,

"Don't... you... move."

When Professor Kapel
says "Don't move,"

you don't move.

But you know, the next
day when we went to class,

we were so proud.

And what did
Professor Kapel say?

"Ladies..."

"you have a responsibility..."

"to fight injustice.

"And you have a responsibility

"to educate yourselfs.

"Now, yesterday, when
you missed my class,

"you chose one over the other.

"And I have asked my substitute

to give you all
an F for the day."

After all we had been through?

Oh, she made me so mad!

But do you know, she was right?

I went back to see Professor
Kapel after that class. You did?

I wanted to talk about that
lunch counter. I wanted to know

how is it that people
could hate like that?

And I figured that if
anybody had the answer,

certainly it would be a
professor of philosophy.

In all the time that I knew her,

it was the only time she
did not have an answer.

Hmm. Oh. But she
did say something

to me that I have
cherished to this day.

Which is why I volunteered
to organize this dinner.

What was that?

She told me I was
her favorite student.

Well, that's lovely, Clair,

because she told me I
was her favorite student.

Same thing.

She told me I was her
very favorite student,

and she gave me a C.

I got you there!
She gave me an F!

And she told me that I was
her most favorite student!

Clair, do you have Professor
Kapel's phone number?

Oh, yes, I do.

I think there are five

of her favorite
students who would like

to give her a call and
see how's she's doing.

Yeah, and maybe I can
get her to up my grade.

Oh, Millicent.

Millicent! Dig deeper!

[laughter]

Ta-da! Ta-dum!

And, um... how was your day?

Professor Kapel
sends her regards.

Professor Kapel.

My goodness gracious.

What is she doing with herself?

Well, she told us that
she did not see the logic

in five busy women
spending their time

trying to plan a dinner
for an 83-year-old retiree

and told Millicent to
get on with her life.

Dig deeper.

Uh... at the end
of the semester...

she told me that...

Of all the students...

she'd ever had...

that I was her favorite.

Her favorite student.

And I'll bet you were.

Mmm.

She gave me a C.

You know, whenever you have
one of these alumni meetings...

Yeah.

I feel good.

I start to think about
good old Hillman days.

I know. Remember when we
used to walk around that campus

with those ivy-covered
and holly-covered buildings?

We'd be holding hands... Yes.

Talking about getting married.

Yes, please.

Having children.

Yes, please. Mm-hmm.

Did we do it? Yes, we did.

Huh? Yes, we did.

Yes, we did.

We kicked it all, didn't we?

Yes.

And do you know
what else I remember?

What? What was
that, that, uh, perfume?

It must have cost 13 cents.

Tell me.

It cost 15 cents, and
it was Lemon Verbena.

Woo! Woo!

I tell you, I loved it.

I loved it!

And I... I'm going to
tell you something.

We were in track.

We were running that 440,

which is one of the worst races

on the face of this earth,

and I would get to the 330 mark,

and Rigg would start to grab me

and bend muscles back,

and 3/4 of my brain was saying

"If you stop now,
you'll still be alive."

And I closed my eyes
because I'm on a straightaway,

and I smelled your
perfume all the way

and broke that tape.

And you looked... good...

then.

And you look good now.

Yeah.

And you were indescribable then,

and you are indescribable now.

♪♪ [theme]

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